JH Title Match 7: Inter-Generational Erotica
Mar 22, 2024 19:44:37 GMT -5
Jack Diamond, mosler, and 1 more like this
Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Mar 22, 2024 19:44:37 GMT -5
*Ah, the open road. The fresh air, the wind in your air, the bugs spattering against your face. The Star Trekker (formerly of Paramount+) is experiencing all of this while sitting in her “shuttle craft” being towed by the DominiCruiser. Though really it is just a dilapidated trailer with “Shuttle Craft” hastily painted on it- Trekker is not an artist or an engineer. A cup and string allows her communication with the guys in the car.*
Trekker: Remind me again why I am once again not allowed in the car?
*Lord Dominicus sighs as he picks up his end of the cup-and-string setup.*
LD: The DominiCruiser is for team members only, not hangers-on.
Trekker: Dang, this cup gets good reception, I can really feel that. BUT OK OK, but hold on, what about- you know- our secret?
LD: You mean when you blackmailed me in front of Lady Dominicus? That got you a permanent room; you should have blackmailed me harder if you wanted more.
Trekker: I can still tell her that we’re not dating!
LD: The wild claims of a jilted ex.
Trekker: Uuuuggggh, this is the worst. I hope this is just one of those dreams where I wake up after getting drunk and accidentally banging William Shatner.
*Big Bone, the team’s resident party skeleton-man comes on over the cup-and-string.*
BB: Those aren’t dreams. I’ve seen him do the walk of shame maybe almost once a month.
Trekker: Does he usually speak this much English?
LD: Most of the time, actually.
Trekker: This is bullcrap! I’m the XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion! I have wrestled my way through a series of stupid and embarrassing matches to retain this title!
*She shakes the aforementioned belt at the DominiCruiser.*
LD: Yes yes, we know you bought a replica on the XHF Network’s website.
*The former corporate shill ignores the DARK LORD OF GASLIGHTING and continues to stew to herself.*
Trekker: And this time I even have a real match! Isn’t that worth anything? I’m fighting a former XHF Tag champ! Actually that should give me an advantage. How often does he actually wrestle alone? Probably not much.
*She thinks, then speaks into the cup-and-string.*
Trekker: Don’t you have anything to say about Esmur? Some advice or anything?
LD: What do I look like, his mom? Also I didn’t hear half of crrrrrssssshhhh what crrrrrssssshhh you said. I think ccccrrrrrrrrssshhhh we’re getting some static.
*The Star Trekker looks at her cup.*
Trekker: Odd, I’m not sure where the static could be coming from since it’s only a cup and string…
*Inside the car THE REAL Lord Dominicus laughs to Big Bone.*
LD: Haha, the stupid interloper will probably believe that there actually was static.
*That’s when her voice comes through loud and clear.*
Trekker: THIS IS AN OPEN LINE! YOU CAN’T HANG UP A CUP YOU IDIOT!
*However, before this can go any further the DominiCruiser’s proximity sensors go off. At first nobody is sure why, then SUDDENLY the road is filled up by a Hummer H2- the signature car of CSI Miami.*
LD: WTF!
*Dominicus slams on the breaks*
Trekker: Haha, did you actually just say-
*Thump*
Trekker: …Ow.
*Lord Dominicus gets on the DominiCruiser’s loudspeaker.*
LD: HALT! WHO GOES THERE?
*Out of the sunroof of the hummer comes a woman in full Klingon costume.*
B’Etor: YOU FOOL! We are already all halted!
LD: What do you want?
B’Etor: We seek the dishonorable girl who ran away from her duties at Paramount.
LD: Oh, you can have her.
Trekker (via cup-and-string): HEY!
LD: But I’m not sure you’re going to like the way you’ll get her…
*There’s a pause. The sound of a car shifting gears.*
LD: Hold on.
*Slowly the DominiCruiser starts to back up. Warning lights and beeps accompany this. It’s a little awkward.*
LD: Just a few moments. But then YOU’LL SEE!
*Beep, beep, beep, you know the sound when some vehicles back up. Dominicus is going particularly slow because of the trailer. The terrifying Klingon woman taps her fingers on the roof of the Hummer, waiting.*
LD: Gimmie a second.
*The DominiCruiser continues to slowly make its way backwards. A head pokes out of the driver’s side window. It’s the soon-to-debut NEW Paramount+ representative, CSI-Bok.*
CSI-Bok: Is this going to take long?
Trekker: CSI-Bok!?
LD: Almost there!
*After getting a significant amount away from the hummer, the former BEST DRIVER IN CAR slams on the gas and starts to drive straight at the larger vehicle!*
B’Etor: What is that psycho doing!?
*Inside the car though we learn what’s about to happen.*
LD: Initiate “Interloper Separation.”
*BB presses a button on the dash. We switch to an outside view as we can see the “shuttle” trailer disconnecting from the DominiCruiser. Suddenly the formerly fastest car in CAR makes a turn-on-a-dime u-turn, and Trekker’s “shuttle craft” careens towards the CSI Miami hummer.*
Trekker: Oooh shiiii-
*Before she can finish everything explodes in a horrible explosion. After the dust clears we find Trekker lying on the side of the road, cut up, covered in dirt, and bloody. She coughs as CSI-Bok stands over her.*
CSI-Bok: I’ve come to tell you that your contract with Paramount has been…TERMINATED.
*He puts on his sunglasses, causing-*
The Who: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
*-The Who’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again” to play. Luckily however we don’t have to listen to the whole thing because suddenly the Star Trekker sits up in bed. It was all a nightmare.*
Trekker: He’s returned.
*That’s when a rustling next to her rolls over.*
William Shatner: It’s like I never left, right honey?
*She buries her face in her hands. She’s done it again.*
Trekker: Ugh why does Patrick Stewart have to be so faithful to his wife…?
Shatner: Are you saying you want me to get a bald cap to spice things up?
*The young Star Trek fan thinks on this for…probably longer than she should.*
Trekker: No…
*She pouts as we fade out.*
Chief Wrestler’s log, supplemental.
So I’m actually in a real match this time! I guess the Network has gotten tired of making me embarrass myself time and time again in order to prove that I actually have what it takes to be a Junior Heavyweight Champion.
But my opponent this time is…troubling. Esmur is a member of the Nihilists who- by name- you can probably guess what they believe. But it’s nonsense. I may not work for Paramount anymore but I grew up watching Star Trek and to believe that everything leads to nothing or stuff like that is total BS.
While it’s true that even some of our greatest movements may seem unperceivable on a grand scale, they aren’t without reason or effect. I mean just look at Star Trek. Within the universe of the show earth was some backwater that was disregarded, but then they entered into the great discussion when they were able to get warp drive.
After they started exploring they did what nobody else did- I guess- and just did their best, and tried to act unselfishly. And at the time everyone thought they were fools. But then fast forward several generations later and Starfleet had become the backbone of something they basically created: the United Federation of Planets- a conglomerate of almost all the alien races in the known galaxy. That’s pretty friggin cool.
So Esmur, maybe this match doesn’t mean anything to you. But it might mean everything to somebody down the road. I’m not just fighting for myself or for some belt. I’m fighting for some greater purpose that maybe we don’t exactly know yet! …Also I’m fighting for myself, and to stick it to stupid DominiCrap.
Really all of the Nihilists’ rants sound like sour grapes that didn’t get fermented into wine over the years. They’re just a couple of guys who couldn’t make it in the XHF and decided to justify that by saying that everything else is meaningless. Well just because you sucked doesn’t mean everything else does.
Go ahead, Esmur. Try to talk us into a black hole. Bring your stupid arguments that everything we do is baseless. While you try to spread your darkness I’m going to shine like the brightest star SCCW has ever seen. Maybe I’ll win, maybe I won’t- and maybe any of my individual fights will be forgotten.
What I’ve done though? It won’t be for nothing. It’ll be contributing to a larger tapestry, a thread that builds the blanket of the future. If you want to sink into the shadows that’s your business- go ahead and lay down in our match and I’ll keep doing my thing.
But me? I’m going to embrace what I grew up with. I’m going to seek out new adventures, and new opponents, and I’m going to boldly go in my career where no one has gone before!
“Oh yeah, I love when you talk Trek.”
[CENSORED] [CENSORED] why are you still here!?
Trekker: Remind me again why I am once again not allowed in the car?
*Lord Dominicus sighs as he picks up his end of the cup-and-string setup.*
LD: The DominiCruiser is for team members only, not hangers-on.
Trekker: Dang, this cup gets good reception, I can really feel that. BUT OK OK, but hold on, what about- you know- our secret?
LD: You mean when you blackmailed me in front of Lady Dominicus? That got you a permanent room; you should have blackmailed me harder if you wanted more.
Trekker: I can still tell her that we’re not dating!
LD: The wild claims of a jilted ex.
Trekker: Uuuuggggh, this is the worst. I hope this is just one of those dreams where I wake up after getting drunk and accidentally banging William Shatner.
*Big Bone, the team’s resident party skeleton-man comes on over the cup-and-string.*
BB: Those aren’t dreams. I’ve seen him do the walk of shame maybe almost once a month.
Trekker: Does he usually speak this much English?
LD: Most of the time, actually.
Trekker: This is bullcrap! I’m the XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion! I have wrestled my way through a series of stupid and embarrassing matches to retain this title!
*She shakes the aforementioned belt at the DominiCruiser.*
LD: Yes yes, we know you bought a replica on the XHF Network’s website.
*The former corporate shill ignores the DARK LORD OF GASLIGHTING and continues to stew to herself.*
Trekker: And this time I even have a real match! Isn’t that worth anything? I’m fighting a former XHF Tag champ! Actually that should give me an advantage. How often does he actually wrestle alone? Probably not much.
*She thinks, then speaks into the cup-and-string.*
Trekker: Don’t you have anything to say about Esmur? Some advice or anything?
LD: What do I look like, his mom? Also I didn’t hear half of crrrrrssssshhhh what crrrrrssssshhh you said. I think ccccrrrrrrrrssshhhh we’re getting some static.
*The Star Trekker looks at her cup.*
Trekker: Odd, I’m not sure where the static could be coming from since it’s only a cup and string…
*Inside the car THE REAL Lord Dominicus laughs to Big Bone.*
LD: Haha, the stupid interloper will probably believe that there actually was static.
*That’s when her voice comes through loud and clear.*
Trekker: THIS IS AN OPEN LINE! YOU CAN’T HANG UP A CUP YOU IDIOT!
*However, before this can go any further the DominiCruiser’s proximity sensors go off. At first nobody is sure why, then SUDDENLY the road is filled up by a Hummer H2- the signature car of CSI Miami.*
LD: WTF!
*Dominicus slams on the breaks*
Trekker: Haha, did you actually just say-
*Thump*
Trekker: …Ow.
*Lord Dominicus gets on the DominiCruiser’s loudspeaker.*
LD: HALT! WHO GOES THERE?
*Out of the sunroof of the hummer comes a woman in full Klingon costume.*
B’Etor: YOU FOOL! We are already all halted!
LD: What do you want?
B’Etor: We seek the dishonorable girl who ran away from her duties at Paramount.
LD: Oh, you can have her.
Trekker (via cup-and-string): HEY!
LD: But I’m not sure you’re going to like the way you’ll get her…
*There’s a pause. The sound of a car shifting gears.*
LD: Hold on.
*Slowly the DominiCruiser starts to back up. Warning lights and beeps accompany this. It’s a little awkward.*
LD: Just a few moments. But then YOU’LL SEE!
*Beep, beep, beep, you know the sound when some vehicles back up. Dominicus is going particularly slow because of the trailer. The terrifying Klingon woman taps her fingers on the roof of the Hummer, waiting.*
LD: Gimmie a second.
*The DominiCruiser continues to slowly make its way backwards. A head pokes out of the driver’s side window. It’s the soon-to-debut NEW Paramount+ representative, CSI-Bok.*
CSI-Bok: Is this going to take long?
Trekker: CSI-Bok!?
LD: Almost there!
*After getting a significant amount away from the hummer, the former BEST DRIVER IN CAR slams on the gas and starts to drive straight at the larger vehicle!*
B’Etor: What is that psycho doing!?
*Inside the car though we learn what’s about to happen.*
LD: Initiate “Interloper Separation.”
*BB presses a button on the dash. We switch to an outside view as we can see the “shuttle” trailer disconnecting from the DominiCruiser. Suddenly the formerly fastest car in CAR makes a turn-on-a-dime u-turn, and Trekker’s “shuttle craft” careens towards the CSI Miami hummer.*
Trekker: Oooh shiiii-
*Before she can finish everything explodes in a horrible explosion. After the dust clears we find Trekker lying on the side of the road, cut up, covered in dirt, and bloody. She coughs as CSI-Bok stands over her.*
CSI-Bok: I’ve come to tell you that your contract with Paramount has been…TERMINATED.
*He puts on his sunglasses, causing-*
The Who: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
*-The Who’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again” to play. Luckily however we don’t have to listen to the whole thing because suddenly the Star Trekker sits up in bed. It was all a nightmare.*
Trekker: He’s returned.
*That’s when a rustling next to her rolls over.*
William Shatner: It’s like I never left, right honey?
*She buries her face in her hands. She’s done it again.*
Trekker: Ugh why does Patrick Stewart have to be so faithful to his wife…?
Shatner: Are you saying you want me to get a bald cap to spice things up?
*The young Star Trek fan thinks on this for…probably longer than she should.*
Trekker: No…
*She pouts as we fade out.*
Chief Wrestler’s log, supplemental.
So I’m actually in a real match this time! I guess the Network has gotten tired of making me embarrass myself time and time again in order to prove that I actually have what it takes to be a Junior Heavyweight Champion.
But my opponent this time is…troubling. Esmur is a member of the Nihilists who- by name- you can probably guess what they believe. But it’s nonsense. I may not work for Paramount anymore but I grew up watching Star Trek and to believe that everything leads to nothing or stuff like that is total BS.
While it’s true that even some of our greatest movements may seem unperceivable on a grand scale, they aren’t without reason or effect. I mean just look at Star Trek. Within the universe of the show earth was some backwater that was disregarded, but then they entered into the great discussion when they were able to get warp drive.
After they started exploring they did what nobody else did- I guess- and just did their best, and tried to act unselfishly. And at the time everyone thought they were fools. But then fast forward several generations later and Starfleet had become the backbone of something they basically created: the United Federation of Planets- a conglomerate of almost all the alien races in the known galaxy. That’s pretty friggin cool.
So Esmur, maybe this match doesn’t mean anything to you. But it might mean everything to somebody down the road. I’m not just fighting for myself or for some belt. I’m fighting for some greater purpose that maybe we don’t exactly know yet! …Also I’m fighting for myself, and to stick it to stupid DominiCrap.
Really all of the Nihilists’ rants sound like sour grapes that didn’t get fermented into wine over the years. They’re just a couple of guys who couldn’t make it in the XHF and decided to justify that by saying that everything else is meaningless. Well just because you sucked doesn’t mean everything else does.
Go ahead, Esmur. Try to talk us into a black hole. Bring your stupid arguments that everything we do is baseless. While you try to spread your darkness I’m going to shine like the brightest star SCCW has ever seen. Maybe I’ll win, maybe I won’t- and maybe any of my individual fights will be forgotten.
What I’ve done though? It won’t be for nothing. It’ll be contributing to a larger tapestry, a thread that builds the blanket of the future. If you want to sink into the shadows that’s your business- go ahead and lay down in our match and I’ll keep doing my thing.
But me? I’m going to embrace what I grew up with. I’m going to seek out new adventures, and new opponents, and I’m going to boldly go in my career where no one has gone before!
“Oh yeah, I love when you talk Trek.”
[CENSORED] [CENSORED] why are you still here!?