Battleground #21 : Menu of Mayhem (Show)

[SWAT Team]

Jeremy Tucker : We are back again folks, and what the hell just happened with Radu?

Andrew Fulton : He is being towed across the city in that shark tank is what is happening, more importantly, how do i get a ticket onto Valentines Cruise? The Chicken dinners look to die for.

Jeremy Tucker : I have been on the last three years cruises, and let me tell you, they go OFF!

Andrew Fulton : Yeah, i can just picture you and Syb on the karaoke singing duets of Iris.

Jeremy Tucker : In the ring right now, we have the SWAT Tag Team Champions, Tong and Phantam Fairtex, and their opponents, Doomsday and Lucifer, Satans Disciples..

Andrew Fulton : KGB all the way for me i this one, Team Fairtex are on a roll, they have really found themselves since joining the Bandits.

Jeremy Tucker : They found themselves in Goths match, found themselves running for the stands along with the rest of the KGB when SWAT united against them.

Andrew Fulton : After helping Timeless get the win, don’t forget that Jerry.

Jeremy Tucker : Ref Bo Brady calls for the bell and this World Tag title match is under way.

Andrew Fulton : All four men begin duking it out, and Satans Disciples with the power advantage muscle both Tong and Phantam into the corners, they grab one each and Irish whip them into the middle of the ring, where Phantam leap frogs Tong and then both Fairtex brothers deliver stereo drop kicks to the giants.

Jeremy Tucker : Tong with a power slam on the big man Lucifer.

Andrew Fulton : Phantam with a swinging full nelson to Doomsday.

Jeremy Tucker : The big men force their way to their feet, and Doomsday wraps both hands around the throat of Phantam and double arm sit out choke slams him! Devastating manoeuvre.

Andrew Fulton : Lucifer with a fall away slam on Tong.

Jeremy Tucker : The giant then grab both brothers, ram their heads together in a double noggin knocker, then deliver a double head butt to each twin. I have been super impressed with these big fella’s ever since Frostbite brought them in here as his back up.

Andrew Fulton : They are ok, but Frosty will need an army of these giants to help him get by the KGB.

Jeremy Tucker : Tong topples big Lucifer with a Clothesline from Hell!

Andrew Fulton : Doomsday grabs Tong and nails him with a double underhook backbreaker.

Jeremy Tucker : Phantam levels Doomsday with a flying shoulderblock.

Andrew Fulton : Lucifer grabs Phantam and hits a cobra clutch slam.

Jeremy Tucker : Tong with a trainwreck on Lucifer.

Andrew Fulton : Doomsday back up, measures Tong and Jackhammer suplexes him! Cover by Doomsday.

Jeremy Tucker : One ...............

Two ...............

Th ... Phantam with the save.

Andrew Fulton : Phantam then roaring bicycle kick off the ropes.

Jeremy Tucker : This is a to and fro match up, neither side able to string more than two moves together.

Andrew Fulton : The gold is on the line, and both teams want it in the baddest way.

Jeremy Tucker : I love how Frosty and Linda and these big boys had Goths back earlier, who do you think that masked women was?

Andrew Fulton : Wouldn’t know, nor care, she had a nice rack though under that body suit.

Jeremy Tucker : You are too much.

Andrew Fulton : Lucifer grabs Phantam and plants him with a cracking spine buster!

Jeremy Tucker : Tong back up ... Superman punch to Lucifer ...

Cover by Tong .......

One ...................

Two ......................

THR ... Doomsday breaks the count.

Andrew Fulton : Welcome to Hell deep double Underhook piledriver by Doomsday! Tong is out of it!

Jeremy Tucker : Phantam with a back stabber on Doomsday. He then superkicks Lucifer right over the top rope.

Andrew Fulton : Phantam on fire ... he flings himself over the top with a mad cork screw plancha to Lucifer!

Jeremy Tucker : Doomsday steps over the ropes to go help Lucifer, but Tong boots them while he is stepping over and crotches him on the top rope. Tong then grabs big Doomsday, and Crucifix powerbombs him back in the ring, he covers him, both feet going up to the middle rope .....

One ..................

Two .....................



THREE!!!!! Team Fairtex win it!

Andrew Fulton : I knew it!

Jeremy Tucker : Tong slides out of the ring and grabs the belts and he and Phantam hold them high, referee Brady raising their arms in victory.

Andrew Fulton : Great win for the KGB!

Jeremy Tucker : Tainted win! He had his feet on the ropes.

Andrew Fulton : Big deal! A wins a win!

[Peel their caps back by Ice T hits as they celebrate, heading up the ramp, Satan’s Disciples cursing and protesting in the ring.]

[SWAT Team]

[“Two Notes Shy Of An Octave” by Red City Radio plays once again and the crowd cheers as “Very Relatable” Jonnie Valentine wheels down 110% Syberus in a wheelchair. Syberus has his neck held in place by a neckbrace and plasters on his eyebrow.]



Jeremy Tucker: Umm... looks like Syberus has taken a spill backstage?



Andrew Fulton: This is ridiculous, he's clearly fine, we watched him wrestle tonight!



[The Society of the New Breed pair get to the ring and Jonnie yells at two members of the ring crew to help Syberus into the ring. Another helps Jonnie with the wheelchair. After several moments of awkward fumbling, they manage to get Syberus sat back in the wheelchair in the ring. Before him is a podium, seemingly empty for someone else, and Syberus taps his microphone as the music fades.]



110% Syberus: Ladies and gentlemen you know me well enough by now. You know if there's one thing 110% Syberus gives – it's 110%. I'm here week in, week out, well except Hardkore Helloween but apart from that I'm here week in, week out, giving absolutely everything I can to the SWAT cause. Just like those other high percenters you all know and love. Guys like Frostbite. Guys like Tong Fairtex. That's what it takes to succeed here in the greatest wrestling federation there may have ever been.



[Jonnie stands behind him nodding.]



110% Syberus: But there's one man that's stood in my way this whole time. One man that wants to rob me of everything I've ever accomplished. And he...



[Syberus starts to well up. Jonnie puts a hand on his shoulder for support which he holds.]



110% Syberus: And he almost succeeded!! Paul Soutter!! You called me out here to come on Suit's Suite – to talk man to man about our careers, but instead you had your goons, your faceless anonymous puppets attack me from behind and render me into this wheelchair!! You've endangered my whole career Soutter!



Well it's time for PAYBACK. It's time for JUSTICE.



Ladies and gentlemen we have a very special guest tonight. Someone I KNOW can bring me the justice I deserve, against the maniacal genius of Paul Soutter.



Please welcome... JUDGE JUDY!!!



Jeremy Tucker: What?!



Andrew Fulton: You've got to be kidding me.

[The Judge Judy Intro plays on the big screen.]



Narrator: You are about to enter the courtroom of Judge Judith Sheindlin.



The people are real. The cases are real. The rulings are FINAL.



This is her courtroom. This is Judge Judy.



[Judge Judith Sheindlin herself comes through the curtain to a rapturous ovation. She is flanked by several “bailiffs” who are clearly giant indy wrestlers in disguise. She makes her way down the ramp waving to the audience.]



Jeremy Tucker: We actually have Judge Judy in the house! What is Syberus going to pull off here?



Andrew Fulton: I don't know but this might not be good for Soutter and the KGB!!



[Judy steps through the ropes and stands behind the podium as the music fades.]



110% Syberus: My judge, thank you for agreeing to rule on these proceedings.



Judge Judy: Syberus you better have a strong case here, I'm a busy woman.



110% Syberus: I do ma'am. If it pleases the court, I'd like to summon the DEFENDANT – Paul Soutter.



Judge Judy: That would help, and I assume the events about to take place will in no way adhere to official courtroom procedure so please get on with it.



110% Syberus: SOUTTER GET OUT HERE.



[“Peel their caps back by Ice T hits and Paul Soutter starts walking down the ramp to a hail of boo's. He shrugs and looks bewildered, angry to have been called out to the ring. Soutter steps into the ring with a microphone of his own.]



Paul Soutter: Your honor, this is a farce!



Judge Judy: I'm aware of that.



Paul Soutter: THIS man has no right to bring you all the way out here for some Society skit.



Judge Judy: Well I'm here, so let's hear what you have to say Mr. Syberus.



Syberus *quivering: Your honor, I was abused in the workplace. I was abused by that man THERE, Paul Soutter. I put my trust in him, and he arranged for me to be attacked from behind! Blindsided by one of his KGB cronies! He tried to finish my career for GOOD – he didn't quite manage that, thanks to the inner strength I have from giving it 110% so much. But I'm in this wheelchair for God knows how long until I fully recover.



[Soutter, looking exacerbated, throws his arms out in disbelief.]



Paul Soutter: Your honor this is WRESTLING. If you can't take the hits, you shouldn't be in the RING.



Syberus: DON'T TOUCH ME!!!



[There's an awkward silence as Soutter, who in no way moved, just glances at Judge Judy.]



Syberus: I'm sorry... I'm sorry... being close to that man is bringing back some kind of stress type disorder, of a post-traumatic nature, I'm not sure what it is.



Jonnie Valentine: Doctors have no name for it yet.



Syberus: Your honor I demand to have my health insurance fully paid!! I'm racking up medical bills so high they blot out the sun! And what has SWAT contributed? Nothing! And we all know who's really in charge here!!



Judge Judy: Alright, alright, probably my bad for coming all the way out here but I really don't have time for this. Professional wrestling is clearly a hazardous living and you should be prepared for any eventuality-



[“Wiseguy by Joe Pesci hits and Joe Pesci comes out in his My Cousin Vinny suit, with a microphone and starts swaggering down the ramp.]



Joe Pesci: Well Judge, looks like this was a massive waste of time after all, but thanks for taking up Mr. Soutter's valuable time when he has a match with that man right there Jonnie Valentine to prepare for. Now if you don't mind, we have a show to get on with...



Judge Judy: Excuse me?



Joe Pesci: You're excused. If you don't mind, YOUR HONOR, like I said... we really do have a show to get on with. I apologise on behalf of my TALENT. We'll get you a nice muffin basket in the dressing room for your troubles.



[The crowd lets out an audible soap-opera style “ooohhh” as Judge Judy glares at Pesci for a moment, then smiles.]



Judge Judy: Alright... well Mr. 110% Syberus it doesn't seem like there's any grounds for financial compensation here.



[Syberus and Jonnie both howl in righteous indignation. Syberus somewhat more statically than Jonnie, given the neck brace and all.]



Judge Judy: But... not really understanding the internal politics of professional wrestling I think some kind of recompense is in order.



Paul Soutter/Joe Pesci: What?!



Judge Judy: I hereby rule that 110% Syberus gets to book the next SWAT card entirely of his own free will.



[She slams her gavel and the crowd roar.]



Jeremy Tucker: Can she do that?



Andrew Fulton: Eh, pro wrestling, what can you do?



[Soutter and Pesci both look outraged.]



Pesci: This is ridiculous! He's just going to book himself a world title match!



110% Syberus: No. You know what. I'm not going to wrestle for the SWAT world title YET.



BUT JONNIE VALENTINE WILL!!



[The crowd pops huge. Jonnie nods and pats Syberus on the shoulder, and gives Judge Judy a thumbs up who rolls her eyes.]



110% Syberus: Thank you, your honor. I feel like we can make this work. I'll send you gentlemen the details of the rest of the card in due course...



Jeremy Tucker: Is this for real?!



Andrew Fulton: If 110% Syberus is booking the next card- you can bet it won't be a comfortable night for the KGB!! This is a joke!!



[“Two Notes Shy Of An Octave” by Red City Radio starts to play again. Syberus looks up at Jonnie and gestures towards the ropes. Jonnie huffs and calls in all the ring hands again as we fade.]

[SWAT Team]

Jeremy Tucker: Next up is set to be a brutal encounter between two battle scarred warriors, both leaders of their prospective teams.

Andrew Fulton: Former friends, turned employee and employer, turned bitter rivals over the past twenty years.

Jeremy Tucker: This all started back in September in Philadelphia, when The KGB cost 110% Syberus the SWAT World Championship in his match with then champion Radu Matei. Jonnie Valentine reformed The Society of the New Breed to stop the constant mob justice of the KGB.

Andrew Fulton: Says you. I think he realized he didn't have what it takes anymore, and decided to blackmail all of his ex-employees to protect him from The Mad Dog of Melbourne.

Jeremy Tucker: At any rate, these two armies of SWAT's elite have spilled blood across Memphis, North Carolina, and right here in New York with nothing settled.

Andrew Fulton: Maybe the team captains can put an end to this right now.

Jeremy Tucker: Paul Soutter would never say so, but he would probably welcome an end to this, now that he has that wargames match against "Lucky" Linda La Fey, Frostbite, Psychotic Goth, Doomsday and Lucifer at New Years Nightmare next month.

Andrew Fulton: God only gives you as much as you can handle, Jerry. Take me for instance, I've purchased time shares in every territory we visit. It's been tough making payments on all of them, but my accountant assures me as long as I get a 300% raise in the next six months, I can easily finish off the principal by the time I'm 103. And then it's party time, baby!

Jeremy Tucker: You really have to stop buying timeshares.

Andrew Fulton: I can't resist anything where you get to spin a wheel, Jerry. You know that.

["My Heart Beats With People" by Jonnie Valentine plays and the fans jump to their feet! The Russian Assassin II walks out with the dog collar chain. The NYC crowd pops as he swings the chain over his head]

Andrew Fulton: Woah! Be careful!

["Very Relatable" Jonnie Valentine steps through the curtain followed by 110% Syberus, Tuxedo Mask and Marty Donovan. Jonnie is wearing a teal satin ring jacket that has "Very Relatable" written in old skool cursive. He lets out a resigned sigh and then like a switch going off, gets a big grin on his face and starts slapping fans hands on the way to the ring. He stops at the corner of the aisle, where an older woman is singing all the lyrics to "My Heart Beats With People". He points at her for the camera to get a close up]

Andrew Fulton: My word, as if that song could get any worse.

Jeremy Tucker: It's all fun and games now, but when that bell rings, Jonnie will be connected by a chain to a 364 pound man who would love to rip his eyes out.

Andrew Fulton: Oi! That woman better learn the words to "Peel Their Caps Back".

[The Society of the New Breed enters the ring, and surrounds Jonnie, giving him last minute advice as he stares at the curtain. After a few agonizing moments "Peel Their Caps Back" by Ice T blares through the SWAT Amazons Arena. The Bandit Mobil El Camino is packed with The KGB as it makes its way down the ramp way. Timeless is driving with Joanne Canelli sitting shotgun. Soutter and Bruno are standing in the back. Tong and Phantom Fairtex walk behind The Bandit Mobil while it drives down to ringside and they make their way into the ring]

Jeremy Tucker: Paul Soutter has the wind at his back and the ear of the promoter, but make no mistake, defeating Jonnie Valentine will be the biggest win of his career.

Andrew Fulton: He will also prove once and for all to be in charge here in SWAT. He's The Founder after all.

Jeremy Tucker: He's strayed a long way from who he once was when he first founded this company nearly twenty years ago.

Andrew Fulton: For the better Jerry, for the better. I would have thought getting high with Suzi Spitz would have made you cooler. Pity.

Frank Salazar: "The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Featuring first, accompanied to the ring by The Society of the New Breed; he is from Palm Springs, California; Standing 5 feet 10 inches tall; Weighing 234 pounds...He is 'VERY RELATABLE' JONNIE VALENTINE!!!"

[New York fans give Jonnie an ear splitting reaction. The Russian Assassin II and 110% Syberus work on strapping Jonnie's dog collar on. Marty Donovan comes over and tightens it until Jonnie's eyes bug out]

Frank Salazar: "His opponent is accompanied to the ring by The KGB; he is from Melbourne, Australia; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 365 pounds...He is THE MAD DOG OF MELBOURNE, PAUL SOUTTER!!!"

[The SWAT Amazon Arena rocks with boos. Tong Fairtex and Joanne Canelli are strapping Paul Soutter's dog collar around his neck while he locks eyes with Jonnie]

Andrew Fulton: I can't wait for this one to start! I feel like that wee dinosaur, why can't time go faster, Jerry??

Jeremy Tucker: You're...hurting me.

[The referee signals for the bell, and both Jonnie and Soutter test the dog collar by pulling back with their necks]

Andrew Fulton: This isn't your normal catch-as-catch-can pro wrestling match. There's not going to be any locking up or double crossovers. This is gonna be a dog fight!

Jeremy Tucker: Valentine and Soutter playing tug of war with the chain, using only their necks! What a sight to see.

Andrew Fulton: Soutter, being the stronger of the two, finally gets the better of him and flips Jonnie onto his back!

[The New York fans jeer. Soutter lays into him with some stomps. He steps on Jonnie Valentine's throat and uses the ropes to pull up for leverage. 110% Syberus threatens Paul Soutter and Paul mouths back at him]

Andrew Fulton: There ya go, Paul. Don't take any shit.

Jeremy Tucker: Soutter now pulling Jonnie up and shoots him into the ropes, back body dropping him up high into the lights!

[Jonnie sits up clutching his back. Soutter grabs the chain and sticks his knee in Valentine's back, choking him with the dog collar]

Andrew Fulton: The founder of SWAT now strangling the former owner of Hardkore World.

Jeremy Tucker: Soutter now laying in some snug forearms to the side of Jonnie's head. And now a couple to the back of his head.

Andrew Fulton: Out of pure desperation, Jonnie grabs the chain and snapmares Soutter over by the dog collar!

[The fans come to life while Jonnie tries to recover. Valentine finally gets to his feet and stares a hole through Soutter. He grabs a length of the chain and whips Soutter across the back with it!! Soutter shouts out in pain, and arches his back]

Jeremy Tucker: "Very Relatable" Jonnie Valentine whips Soutter across the back with the chain a second time!!

[Soutter screams and tries to escape, but Jonnie pulls him by the chain into a suplex set up, but Paul blocks it. He counters by vertically suplexing Valentine. The New York crowd boos, while Timeless and Joanne Canelli applaud on the outside]

Andrew Fulton: There ya go, boss. I thought Jonnie was delusional when he got his own cruise, but then he tried to suplex The Australian Bull.

Jeremy Tucker: Soutter now measures Jonnie and drops a big leg across his face!

Referee: 1...(Jonnie Valentine kicks out)

Jeremy Tucker: Paul Soutter pulls Jonnie up by the chain, and scoops him up, dropping him across his knee with a backbreaker.

[The audience jeers, and Soutter points at Tuxedo Mask threateningly. He wraps the chain around his elbow and goes for an elbow drop, but Jonnie rolls out of the way, popping the crowd]

Jeremy Tucker: Jonnie Valentine sees Soutter favouring that elbow, so he moves in for the kill and kneedrops the back of Soutter's arm.

[Valentine twists Paul's arm. He gives it another twist, and then uses his twisted arm to lift him off his feet a few inches, before flipping him onto his back]

Jeremy Tucker: Valentine straightens out Soutter's arm and does a double stomp to the back of his elbow!

[Soutter snatches his arm back, holding his elbow and kicking his toes into the mat. Jonnie pulls him to his feet, but Soutter surprises him with a headbutt to the face]

Andrew Fulton: There ya go, Paul gut wrench suplexes Valentine!

Jeremy Tucker: Paul Soutter irish whips Valentine into the ropes and clotheslines him with that chain!!

[Valentine drops to the mat clutching his throat, turning blue. Soutter swings his arm a few times and then elbow drops Jonnie across the face]

Referee: 1...2...(Jonnie Valentine kicks out)

Jeremy Tucker: Paul Soutter pulls Valentine and starts tattooing Valentine in the chest with open handed chops!

[Soutter turns Valentine's chest red as fans can't help but "Woo!"]

Andrew Fulton: Woo!

Jeremy Tucker: Andy.

Andrew Fulton: What? I can't help myself.

Jeremy Tucker: Jonnie Valentine can take no more and answers with a right hand that stops Soutter. He wraps the chain around his fist and bashes Soutter in the face with it!!

Andrew Fulton: He's bleeding!

[The SWAT Amazons Arena roars as Soutter drops to one knee with a trickle of blood running down from his hairline. Jonnie wraps the chain around Soutter's eyes and pulls back on it, turning the chain into a vice around his head! Soutter screams in pain]

Jeremy Tucker: Jonnie transitioning into a fujiwara armbar, wrenching that aching arm up from it's socket.

[The referee checks in but a bleeding Soutter shakes his head, refusing to quit. Jonnie cranks up on the fujiwara some more]

Andrew Fulton: Valentine pulls Soutter up and irish whips him, but Paul reverses it and shoots Jonnie into the corner. He follows him in with a monster avalanche with 364 pounds behind it!!

[The audience boos as Valentine wilts in the corner. Paul Soutter wraps the chain around his fist and bashes Valentine in the head with it until the chain is covered in blood!! The boos get deafening as Joanne Canelli celebrates with the Fairtexes at ringside]

Andrew Fulton: Soutter turning Jonnie into a bloody mess! You gotta love it.

Jeremy Tucker: The Mad Dog of Melbourne now pulls Jonnie out of the corner, wraps the chain around his neck, and lifts him off his feet with a double handed choke!! He's using that chain to choke the life out of him!

Andrew Fulton: This has gotta be the end of him! He discards Jonnie to the mat like yesterday's curtain jerker.

[Paul Soutter walks over to the ropes and motions to The Russian Assassin II that he's next. The Russian Assassin II makes threatening gestures of his own, heating the crowd up]

Jeremy Tucker: A bloody Jonnie Valentine stands up behind him. He pulls the chain up through Soutter's legs, crotching him with it!!

Andrew Fulton: Ouch!

Jeremy Tucker: Jonnie Valentine gives the chain another tug between his legs, flipping Soutter to the mat. He wraps the chain around his hand, and hits Soutter between the eyes with a fistdrop!!

[Soutter sits up with more blood running down his face. Valentine wraps the chain around his mouth, sticks his knee into his back, and yanks back on the chain! Soutter cries out in pain]

Andrew Fulton: Jonnie now pulls Soutter to his feet, and irish whips him into the ropes. He comes at him with a cross body, but Soutter catches him with a full powerslam!!

Referee: 1...2...thr- (Jonnie Valentine kicks out)

Andrew Fulton: So close...Oi, who is that?

[The SWAT Amazon Arena cranes their neck towards the entrance, and Cobryn starts meandering to the ring]

Jeremy Tucker: It's Cobryn! Cobryn is here, walking to ringside.

Andrew Fulton: But what is he here for? Is it to help The Society of the New Breed or the KGB?

Jeremy Tucker: I reckon I don't know. But meanwhile inside the ring, Soutter has wrapped that chain around Jonnie's neck in a headlock, and lays in some stiff shots, trying to open him up even more.

Andrew Fulton: The Mad Dog of Melbourne gets a running start and bulldogs Jonnie's bloody face into the mat!

[The New York fans boo. Cobryn gets to ringside and observes the match. 110% Syberus comes over to fight, but Team Fairtex cut him off, threatening him with their singapore canes]

Jeremy Tucker: Neither group sure who he's here to help.

Andrew Fulton: You know he could be here to help me, Jerry. You've been quite rude to me tonight. I'm sure he's sick of it.

Jeremy Tucker: Soutter irish whips Jonnie into the corner. He rushes in with an avalanche, but Valentine moves at the last minute. He wraps the chain around the ringpost, and pulls back!

Andrew Fulton: Paul is trapped in the corner! Someone help him!

[The crowd cheers wildly at Soutter's predictament as Jonnie is pulling back on the chain, wrapped around the ringpost, as Soutter is pressed against the turnbuckles, being choked by the dog collar. He reaches out helplessly]

Jeremy Tucker: Jonnie lets go of the chain and now the two are trading right hands. Soutter drops Jonnie with a left!

[Jonnie rolls out of the ring and Soutter rolls out after him. Soutter rams Jonnie's face into the guardrail, getting an "OH!!" from the fans at the clanking sound. Paul Soutter climbs up to the apron]

Andrew Fulton: Paul Soutter waiting for Jonnie to get back to his feet.

Jeremy Tucker: But Jonnie yanks on the chain so hard, Soutter falls off the apron onto the guardrail!!

[The New York audience pops! Jonnie takes a length of chain and whips Soutter in the forehead, busting him wide open!! Soutter walks towards the camera with a crimson mask]

Andrew Fulton: Time out!

Jeremy Tucker: Soutter tries to escape into the ring, but Jonnie is hot on his heels!

Andrew Fulton: Of course, they're connected by a chain.

Jeremy Tucker: But Soutter is the first to his feet and stomps Jonnie while he's still on his hands and knees. He grabs a front facelock and DDTs Valentine!

[The cheers turn to jeers as both men lie on the mat, bleeding. The referee waits several moments and then begins the double count]

Referee: 1!

Jeremy Tucker: The official now counting both men down.

Referee: 2!

Referee: 3!

Andrew Fulton: Soutter can barely see now, with that chain opening up a large laceration between his eyes.

Referee: 4!

Jeremy Tucker: The audience here as well as The Society of the New Breed rooting for Jonnie to get to his feet. Well, except for Marty.

Referee: 5!

Andrew Fulton: The KGB doing the same, but evilly.

Referee: 6!

Jeremy Tucker: Jonnie the first to stir.

Referee: 7!

Andrew Fulton: Paul now getting up as well.

Referee: 8!

Jeremy Tucker: It's going to be a photo finish!

Referee: 9!

Jeremy Tucker: Jonnie up to his feet! He takes a swing at Soutter, but Paul ducks and belly to back suplexes him!

Referee: 1...2...(Jonnie Valentine gets his shoulder up)

Jeremy Tucker: Paul Soutter wraps the chain around Jonnie's neck. He grabs his blood drenched hair and tosses him over the ropes, hanging him with the chain!!

[The SWAT Amazon Arena rocks with boos as Jonnie's eyes bug out of his head. He kicks his feet, trying to find the apron, while Soutter pulls back on the chain. The Russian Assassin II and 110% Syberus try to help Jonnie, but Marty trips in front of them, and they can't get around him]

Andrew Fulton: That dumb bloke Marty can't get out of his own way.

Jeremy Tucker: Soutter choking the very life out of Jonnie Valentine! He now pulls him back over the ropes violently.

[Soutter winds his arm up again, measuring Jonnie; but Jonnie yanks down on the chain and Soutter falls to the mat. The audience cheers. Jonnie wraps the chain around Soutter's throat]

Jeremy Tucker: Jonnie choking him out with that now giving Soutter a taste of his own medicine!

Andrew Fulton: Bullocks, Soutter's one was cooler.

Jeremy Tucker: Jonnie pulls Soutter up into a 3/4 nelson. He runs up the turnbuckle into a sliced bread #2!! Into a rear naked choke with the chain!

[Valentine pulls up on the chain, Soutter's hands reach out for the ropes. Cobryn gets closer to ringside. Soutter's arms start to fade as the ref checks in on him]

Jeremy Tucker: Jonnie choking Soutter with that chain, cutting off the big man's oxygen.

Andrew Fulton: Someone in the KGB needs to get in there stat!

Jeremy Tucker: The referee picks up Soutter's arm, but he keeps it up. Jonnie picks him up into a single underhook, but Paul Soutter backdrops Jonnie up and over.

Andrew Fulton: Soutter grabs Jonnie by the legs and wheelbarrows him up, then drops his bloody face into the mat!

[The crowd boos and Soutter slowly pulls himself up by the ropes. He bounces into the ropes and drops 364 pounds on him with a Soutter Splash]

Referee: 1...2...thr- (Jonnie Valentine kicks out)

Jeremy Tucker: Soutter pulls Jonnie Valentine's head into his legs and lifts him up into a piledriver.

Andrew Fulton: Gonna make him think about it for a while...then drills his bloody head into the mat again!

Jeremy Tucker: Soutter scoops Jonnie up, and positioning him for the Soutter Special driver...but Cobryn is on the apron!

Andrew Fulton: What's he doing??

Jeremy Tucker: He pulls Jonnie by the legs, off of Soutter's shoulder.

Andrew Fulton: Soutter in his face, and rightfully so!

Jeremy Tucker: Jonnie pulls him by the chain into a Picture Perfect Dropkick!!!

[Jonnie uses the chain to hook Soutter's leg while the crowd counts along]

Referee: 1...2...3!!!

[The bell rings and the New York City fans leap to their feet! "My Heart Beats With People" by Jonnie Valentine plays as Jonnie lays collapsed, next to Soutter. The KGB argue about what went wrong on the outside, then spy Cobryn]

Frank Salazar: "THE WINNER OF THE MATCH...'VERY RELATABLE' JONNIE VALENTINE!!!"

Andrew Fulton: The KGB thought Cobryn was on their side but he turned out to be the same snake he's always been.

Jeremy Tucker: But is he in The Society of the New Breed?

Andrew Fulton: Well, obviously Jerry. What match were you watching?

Jeremy Tucker: The rest of The Society don't look so sure.

[Team Fairtex and Timeless stalk Cobryn at ringside while 110% Syberus helps a semi-conscious Jonnie get his dog collar off]

Andrew Fulton: The KGB looking for some revenge on Cobryn...

Jeremy Tucker: But now Marty Donovan, The Russian Assassin II, and Tuxedo Mask head them off at the pass!

[The fans roar as it looks as if a huge war is about to break out. Cobryn slips over the guardrail and escapes through the crowd. 110% Syberus slides under the ropes and breaks it up, wondering why anyone would defend Cobryn. Jonnie Valentine climbs to the second rope and basks in the cheers of the New York City crowd]

Andrew Fulton: I think all Cobryn accomplished here is causing some confusion and friction among both The Society of the New Breed and The KGB!

Jeremy Tucker: And I think that's exactly what he wanted.

[The Society of the New Breed enter the ring as the KGB help a blood soaked Soutter to the locker room. Jonnie Valentine gets on another side of the ring and gets that side of the SWAT Amazon Arena to pop]

Andrew Fulton: That was one for the ages, Jerry.

Jeremy Tucker: Agreed. Stay tuned fans for the main event! SWAT World Champion Suzi Spitz against Frostbite!

[SWAT Team]

(We return from commercials for the latest SWAT service, various college and NFL football playoff games, Frostbite and his buddies in a beer commercial and Suzi Spitz doing a commercial for her brand of bottled eater before they return to ringside where ringsiders show signs that say "Frosty the future champion!," "Suzi Spitz Fire!," "Frostbite's going to burn you!" and "Suzi's the champ!" before fading to Jeremy Tucker and Andrew Fulton sitting at the broadcast table wearing headsets.)

Jeremy Tucker: "Welcome back to Battleground: Menu of Mayhem and so far it's been just that and more. So far the show's lived up to it's hype and billing before New Year's Nightmare. Now comes this main event of the evening involving SWAT World Heavyweight Champion Suzi Spitz squaring off against Frostbite."

Andrew Fulton: "Yeah for the thousandth millionth time Frostbite's vying for a title as usual to prove his ever climate change melting significance and he's going to be a loser as usual and I can guarantee that since he's always a choker when it comes down to it. Suzi's continuing to prove that she's not a fluke after defeating Alex Turner."

Jeremy Tucker: "So far she's lived up to expectations and she wants to continue her SWAT World Heavyweight Championship Title reign and her dominance over the roster. Believe me the list is short with contenders but leading the list is Olympia, Marie Caedes and Blaze Freya."

Andrew Fulton: "Blaze should be on the top of that contender's list being she would make the better champion than the rest of these wannabe morons. Speaking of morons those so-called Royal Family members fled the scene like the cowards they are and they'll return when it's convenient.
At least SWAT smells better now than ever."

Jeremy Tucker: "Team Fairtex had some complimentary things to say about them."

Andrew Fulton: "They must have been insane at the time or ate some really bad Thailand food."

Jeremy Tucker: "Really then how come some of the competitors gave them a good send off."

Andrew Fulton: "There's a bunch of no brained ugly bubbas and bubbettes. Speaking of good looking future champions Blaze Freya would be the best champion and she'll beat Suzi Spitz anytime and anywhere and in any kind of match."

Jeremy Tucker: "You always preferred things of beauty over talented veterans."

Andrew Fulton: "Anytime Jerry."

Jeremy Tucker: "Now let's talk about your friend Frostbite."

Andrew Fulton: "My friend? he's not my friend by any stretch."

Jeremy Tucker: "Oh come on. You talk about him and his career like you're in a bromance. You just can't keep talking about him."

Andrew Fulton: "First off we're not in any bromance. Second I can stop talking about him anytime I want Jerry. Finally he's never forgiven me for all the comments I made about him."

Jeremy Tucker: "Come on. He's forgiven you for all the trash talk you threw at him."

Andrew Fulton: "Yeah I'll believe that when Hell freezes over after Frostbite arrives there."

Jeremy Tucker: "That's going to be quite a wait. Right now let's go to the ring for the introductions for this important title match."

Frank Salazar: "This is the main event of the evening scheduled for one fall. Introducing first from Boulder, Co. he comes in at 6ft. and weighs in at 225lbs. He is 'The Cold Hearted Bastard' Frostbite."

("Seek and Destroy" by Metallica plays as we see Lotus's flying on the tron. A few seconds later days turn into night as the image fades out and another of a huge of a huge nuclear explosion as you see tanks firing in the air and right after that image we see soldiers in unison and that image fades out and another image of a nuclear explosion as you see nothing but ashes and dust of a city. The lights in the arena grows dark for a few seconds as it comes back a blue light is seen up the show of the steps as an individual is seen standing up there wearing a grey hoodie with his head down. As he slowly picks up his head we see the intensity in his blue eyes of Frostbite. He takes a walk down thei steps as fans reach out to touch his hands and broard shoulders . He enters the ring and removes his grey hoodie.)

Andrew Fulton: "Now we'll see a real champion and a real entrance."

Frank Salazar: "Now introducing from New Orleans, La. She comes in at 5'10" and weighs in at 135lbs. She is 'The Vicious Vixen' and the current SWAT World Heavyweight Champion. Please welcome the champion Suzi Spitz."

(C.O.D. by ACDC hits and Suzi Spitz makes her way to the ring, high fiving the fans.)

Jeremy Tucker: "The bell rings and the intensity is thick as both Frostbite and Suzi stare each other down."

Andrew Fulton: "They circle and lock up and Frostbite forces Suzi into the ropes."

Jeremy Tucker: "The referee calls and receives a clean break from Frostbite. They circle again and lock up and Suzi applies a side headlock. Frostbite lifts her up but Suzi uses the momentum to take Frostbite down to the mat and grinds in that side headlock."

Andrew Fulton: "Oh I wish that was me in that side headlock."

Jeremy Tucker: "I guess Blaze Freya broke up with you if you said something like that."

Andrew Fulton: "Don't you dare spread lies about me and Blaze Freya or else I'll make sure Blaze slaps you silly. I’ll tell you for the last time, she isn’t my girlfriend, we just dig each other."

Jeremy Tucker: "That's no surprise. Frostbite makes his way back to his feet and counters with a backdrop suplex. He bodyslams Suzi with authority and drops a leg on her chest before making the cover for a close two count."

Andrew Fulton: "Too soon for that lumbering muscle head."

Jeremy Tucker: "Lumbering muscle head?"

Andrew Fulton: "Because Frostbite has a ninety pound advantage against Suzi Spitz."

Jeremy Fulton: "Frostbite doesn't do what Soutter does to opponents since Soutter outweighs him too. Frostbite whips Suzi into the ropes and clotheslines her 360 degrees. He suplex's her and then drops a series of elbows to her chest."

Andrew Fulton: "That's everything I've been saying about the dimwitted fans, blind loyalty to 'The Cold Hearted Bastard.' He's literally a bruiser and once again ask yourself where are those overly big bootied, big mouthed, Viking horned helmeted Helga feminazis....I'll tell you where.....No where! Absolutely no where!"

Jeremy Tucker: "That's a lie and you know it. Frostbite whips Suzi into the corner but Suzi delivers a big boot as he charges in. She climbs to the top turnbuckle and executes a flying helicopter hurricanrana."

Andrew Fulton: "Good for her. Punish that dirt bag for trying to hurt you and any other woman he hurt in and out of the ring."

Jeremy Tucker: "We both know he doesn't do that. Suzi executes a flying headscissors and applies a head scissors armbar. Frostbite has the ring knowledge to place a foot on the ropes and forcing a break in the hold."

Andrew Fulton: "Dammed referee's too sympathetic to Frostbite."

Jeremy Tucker: "The referee's a woman."

Andrew Fulton: "The referee's a she male."

Jeremy Tucker: "No she isn't and you know it."

Andrew Fulton: "Oh she so is Jerry. Suzi opens up a can of whoop ass and she lets loose with some knee drops to Frostbite's chest. Come on, keep teaching him a lesson. Suzi now mounts and grounds and pounds Frostbite. Come on keep it up Suzi."

Jeremy Tucker: "Suzi whips Frostbite into the ropes and dropkicks him. Frostbite stumbles into the ropes and Suzi charges and flying body presses both herself and Frostbite over the top rope and out of the ring. They both lay on the hard concrete floor as the referee counts."

Andrew Fulton: "They both get up slowly and start exchanging punches with Frostbite as usual getting the unfair exchange. Frostbite whips Suzi into the security railing and charges in with a big boot but Suzi ducks sending Frostbite's leg and crotch onto the security railing. Oh that was so funny and I know Soutter and The KGB are enjoying it too.."

Jeremy Tucker: "I'm sure that was a laugh to you. Suzi finds a chair and let's Frostbite have it. She goes under the ring apron and finds a baseball bat. Suzi looks like she has bad intentions and she's going to lose it, why, she's vicious, thats why. She jams that baseball bat into Frostbite's crotch and now hits him in his butt sending him into the ringside seats."

Andrew Fulton: "Suzi's doing what those feminazi's refuse to do to him. Hell that's what happens when he threatens me. Suzi now shows a fan how much she loves them by signing their bottle of Suzi's bottled water before proceeding to continue to use the baseball bat to beat frostbite's back. Now that's true respect for both her and the charity sponsors while focusing on her opponent."

Jeremy Tucker: "Suzi forces Frostbite over the security guard railing and rolls him back into the ring. She looks under the ring and finds a bunch of fluorescent light tubes and throws them into the ring. She returns to the ring and waits for him to get up. Suzi smashes one fluorescent light tube after the other over Frostbite's head and continues to smashing the surviving parts into shards."

Andrew Fulton: "Great. 'The Vicious Vixen' is showing Frosty who's the real champ and she's out for blood as well which is typical of a SWAT match. She bounds into the ropes and dropkicks Frostbite before picking some of those shards up and digging them into his head worsening that cut. Come on don't be nice to him and make him bleed even worse."

Jeremy Tucker: "Isn't that what Frostbite's doing at the moment. Suzi just spit into Frostbite's face before she kicks Frostbite repeatedly in the mid-section and I think Frostbite's through with being nice to Suzi. He's psyching himself up and he unleashes a series of vicious headbutts sending her down."

Andrew Fulton: "Frosty just smashed Suzi's head with the remaining florescent light tubes and he roars before cutting them open with some of the shards. She's bleeding just as badly maybe even worse. I told you he's a brute."

Jeremy Tucker: "I told you he's no brute. Suzi's in trouble now and it's only going to get worse as Frostbite leaves the ring and returns with a stop sign. He smashes her in the head and back relentlessly. Frostbite returns the favor by opening up a can of whoop ass on Suzi. Now Frostbite is on fire."

Andrew Fulton: "More like on a rampage to end Suzi's stellar career. Frostbite sets Suzi up and piledrives her making the cover.....One....Two....T....No! Suzi gets a shoulder up."

Jeremy Tucker: "Frostbite's beside himself. Frostbite sets Suzi up for a powerbomb but Suzi counters with a frankensteiner. She goes for the pin....One....Two....Th....No! Frostbite bridges out."

Andrew Fulton: "That was a slow count by the she man. Frostbite got away with that one and both she man and Frostbite know it. Suzi's now unleashing the fists into Frostbite's head. She's now unleashing her real vicious side again by biting that cut and digging her nails into his head making that head wound even worse."

Jeremy Tucker: "Suzi leaves the ring and returns with a heavy chain which she uses to whip Frostbite's body and back. Suzi's obsessed with showing her wild side and dominance over the whole SWAT roster especially the SWAT World Heavyweight Division."

Andrew Fulton: "Yeah and you can bet that human zombie is beaming with pride that he took a dive for Suzi so he can screw and to spite Joe Pesci or Parishnu Jo or whoever he is along with Lynn Brewster. I just can't wait to see him whoomp his dead ass. That's going to be as enjoyable as an exterminator wiping out a house infested with Radu's sleeping bed bug buddies."

Jeremy Tucker: "I'm sure you'd love footage of both incidents."

Andrew Fulton: "I would love that as a holiday or at least post holiday gift but even better a post New Year's Eve Nightmare gift."

Jeremy Tucker: "No surprise there. Suzi uses the chain to choke Frostbite who struggles to his feet and counters with a snapmare followed by a few stomps to Suzi's back. He grabs the chain and starts whipping Suzi's back and wraps it around his fist and pounds Suzi's head with it. She's more of a bloody mess than ever."

Andrew Fulton: "Yeah he's sure making her a bloody mess. Frostbite continues to whip her with that chain before picking up some of the shards and rubbing and scraping them over Suzi's cut and now she's bleeding even worse thanks to that bully."

Jeremy Tucker: "How many times do I have to tell you Frostbite's not any of that. Frostbite's rubbing even more shards into that cut before clotheslining her. He quickly makes the cover and double underhooks the leg....One....Two....Th....No! Suzi gets an arm up."

Andrew Fulton: "Once again the damsel in distress saves herself from that ugly ogre Frostbite. Frostbite leaves and returns with a couple of chairs and a ladder which he sets up. Now don't you even dare tell me that The Ice Cold Bastard is holding back his violent tendencies."

Jeremy Tucker: "She’s no damsel and he's a gentlemen and he knows what he has to do just like Suzi does too since both are professional wrestlers. Frostbite whips Suzi into the ropes and Suzi counters with a spear as she comes off the ropes. Both are down as the referee counts them both down."

Andrew Fulton: "As usual the referee's are clueless and don't realize this is a typical SWAT match. Meanwhile evidence is mounting that Frostbite is trying to cripple poor Suzi Spitz. Suzi slowly gets up and she sees the ladder and grabs it. She lifts it up and smashes the top of the ladder into Frostbite's face. Suzi swings the ladder and connects with his jaw."

Jeremy Tucker: "Frostbite definitely took it hard in the jaw. Suzi smashes that ladder into his ribs and now she sets up the ladder and climbs up to the top. She flies off the ladder and double underhooks the leg....One....Two....Th....No! Kickout by Frostbite."

Andrew Fulton: "Suzi uses the chair to pound Frostbite's back and head. She's getting revenge for his attempts to brutalize her and she's doing it all for me. Keep it up Suzi and teach him a harsh lesson."

Jeremy Tucker: "Give me a break. Suzi waits for Frostbite to get up and takes a swing with that chair but Frostbite kicks the chair sending Suzi down. Frostbite snatches the chair and starts beating Suzi with it."

Andrew Fulton: "See Frostbite's bullying her again and now he's trying to cripple her again or fighting back against that bruiser."

Jeremy Tucker: "You forgot what Frostbite mentioned when he finally takes over SWAT and Team SWAT and he burns it to the ground."

Andrew Fulton: "That’s about as likely to defeat The KGB in War Games as Radu Matei defeating Parishnu Jo."

Jeremy Tucker: "Careful what you wish for. Frostbite jams that chair into Suzi's mid-section and he holds it until the referee warns him and he waits until the last second before releasing the hold and throwing the chair away. He whips Suzi into the ropes and tilt-a-whirls and holds Suzi in an over the knee backbreaker and he's bending her in a bad way."

Andrew Fulton: "I told you he was trying to cripple poor helpless Suzi and that She Man the Barbarian referee is letting Frostbite have his way with Suzi. Meanwhile Suzi is desperately trying to break the hold and counters with a jawbreaker stunning Frostbite."

Jeremy Tucker: "The referee isn't biased. Suzi leaves the ring and looks under and finds a table and a glass pane. I don't like the look on her face as she also finds a spool of barbed wire. Suzi slides the table and glass pane into the ring and tosses the barbed wire into the ring."

Andrew Fulton: "I can't wait to see what happens next. Suzi sets up that table and places that glass pane onto the table. She goes over to Frostbite who headbutts her low and returns the jawbreaker with one of his own. He whips her into the corner and trainwrecks her."

Jeremy Tucker: "Frostbite whips Suzi into the ropes and Stone Cold Stunners her. He goes for the cover....One....Two....Thr....No! Suzi gets her foot onto the ropes."

Andrew Fulton: "That was too close. I almost had a coronary."

Jeremy Tucker: "Both have given it their all and this should be a candidate for Match of the Year. Frostbite sets Suzi up for a suplex but she flips over and counters with an inverted DDT. Suzi makes the cover and double underhooks the legs....One....Two....Thre....No! Frostbite barely gets a shoulder up."

Andrew Fulton: "I was hoping she would embarrass Frostbite. Suzi waits for Frostbite to get up and delivers some Sweet Chin Music. She makes the cover.....One....Two....Thre....No! Frostbite barely gets his arm up. Frostbite just got too damned lucky."

Jeremy Tucker: "I agree he did get lucky. Suzi waits and spears Frostbite and makes the cover again....One....Two.....Thre...No! Frostbite barely gets a shoulder up and survives the pinfall to continue the match."

Andrew Fulton: "Suzi is arguing about the count which I agree is biased due to the She Man making conveniently quick counts. Suzi's doing a hat dance all over Frostbite's body before getting into Frostbite's face. Suzi wastes no time following up with repeated Garvin stomps."

Jeremy Tucker: "Suzi's determined to finish this match as soon as possible. She once again sets Frostbite up and DDT's him into some glass shards and makes the cover....One....Two....Thre....No! Frostbite bridges out."

Andrew Fulton: "Once again She-Man gives Frostbite sympathy in an attempt to screw Suzi Spitz out of her championship."

Jeremy Tucker: "Suzi's signaling the end and forces Frostbite onto the table. She uses the barbed wire to wrap it around Frostbite binding him to the table. What is Suzi doing?"

Andrew Fulton: "I don't believe what's she doing."

Jeremy Tucker: "Suzi's wrapping the barbed wire around her body as well. I heard of insanity before but this is taking things too far."

Andrew Fulton: "This is SWAT remember and anything goes in these matches. Hell Suzi surpasses the previous two nutcases and psychos in SWAT's old Amazon Division."

Jeremy Tucker: "Suzi's climbing to the top of the ladder and she screams and flies off and smashes Frostbite through the table and wastes no time making the cover......One.....Two.....Three."

Frank Salazar: "Your winner at 35minutes. Suzi Spitz."

Jeremy Tucker: "Suzi Spitz survives a withering blizzard by Frostbite in a bloody and vicious battle."

Andrew Fulton: "You kidding me it was a bloody war where the referee was biased towards Frostbite who was a brutalizing bully during this whole match by the way."

Jeremy Tucker: "Frostbite is not a brutalizing bully. Right now Frostbite is calling Suzi back as he is extending his hand."

Andrew Fulton: "Don't do it Suzi. He's determined to lure you into a sore loser's beatdown."

Jeremy Tucker: "Frostbite's not a sore loser."

Andrew Fulton: "Hell he isn't remember when he and his goon squad lost to The New Society of the New Breed. He called them out and threatened revenge on them."

Jeremy Tucker: "Has he done that yet."

Andrew Fulton: "Not yet."

Jeremy Tucker: "Because he has respect for opponents."

Andrew Fulton: "That’s over rated."

Jeremy Tucker: "Give me a break. Frostbite's not a sore loser. Suzi is wary as she looks at Frostbite and looks around as the ringsiders urge her on to shake his hand. She slowly extends her hand and they shake hands and he holds hers up in recognition as the ringsiders roar with approval and chant both their names. He sideway glances at her, his blue eyes icing over, then turns away."

Andrew Fulton: "I thought he was going to man up there for a moment."

Jeremy Tucker: "He's quite honest and you and I know that. Well, me only. We want to thank you for tuning in to Battleground: Mayhem on the Menu and tune in when we have our annual end of the year event New Year's Nightmare PPV to determine SWAT's future leadership and the battle for who is more superior Team SWAT or The KGB."

Andrew Fulton: "Oh we all know who's the better faction and that's the big bad KGB. Then there's the last time we'll see that walking corpse Radu Matei finally be put out of his misery by Parishnu Jo."

Jeremy Tucker: "You're that confident."

Andrew Fulton: "Yeah I am. Parishnu Jo's rule is going to continue while Radu Matei's going to go back to that bug infested dungeon he escaped from that he calls home."

Jeremy Tucker: "I'm sure you'll enjoy the footage. Right now we bid you happy holidays and we'll see you in Santa Clause, Indianna for the final Battleground before New Years Nightmare. Goodnight."

(They show highlights of the matches and which climaxes with Suzi Spitz's victory and before fading to black and the SWAT logo appears briefly and disappears before the copyright appears and disappears fading to black.)