Battleground 22 :The Best Show That SWAT Has Done Yet (Show)

[SWAT Team]

Syndicate Wrestling & Tradition and the XHF presents ....

[Show opens up to Santa Clause Indianna and the crowd is going off!  We switch to the commentary table where we see Jeremy Tucker and Andrew Fulton in tuxedos and Christmas hats.]

Jeremy Tucker : Hello fans, and welcome to BATTLEGROUND!

Andrew Fulton : Welcome to SWAT Baby!

Jeremy Tucker : This is the go home show before New Years Nightmare, and we are really cranking it up now.

Andrew Fulton : Last Battleground, we saw Suzi Spitz retain her World Championship against the Cold Hearted Bastard Frostbite!

Jeremy Tucker : We saw the leaders of the KGB and Society go at it in a hell of a dog collar match, Jonnie was victorious, and oh my, what a fight it was.

Andrew Fulton : It was a tainted victory Jerry, you know it and so do all of us.

Jeremy Tucker : We saw Lucky Linda stand up to be counted and bring the rest of SWAT in behind her to challenge the KGB to the War Games at New Years Nightmare!

Andrew Fulton : They are so outmatched, it’s going to be a massacre.

Jeremy Tucker : We saw JUDGE JUDY appear and in a strange turn of events, give the book to 110% Syberus for tonight’s show.

Andrew Fulton : What’s next? Jerry Springer?

Jeremy Tucker : He has booked one hell of a show, Valentine Vs Suzi is going to be off the chain!

Andrew Fulton : Mad Dog Soutter is going to put an end to Frosty once and for all!

Jeremy Tucker : Syberus is facing Timeless in a match for the ages for the Hardcore Belt!

Andrew Fulton : And Radu Vs Cobryn is a DREAM match!

Jeremy Tucker : All that and more coming your way tonight folks, we’ll be back after these commercials with some words from our wrestlers and then onto the opening match of the evening, Mother Vs Daughter. Lynn Brewster Vs Marie Caedes!

Andrew Fulton : Talk about Jerry Springer.

[radu]

[Backstage, Brian Acres reads a letter from his daughter for Santa.  Looking at the line-up, there is no way this show isn't running long.  He hopes he has enough time between getting out before stores close to pick up some gifts, and catching the redeye home.  Thinking about his opponent for the night, Acres is also concerned about being put into traction.  He's spent a few too many Christmas' drinking egg nog through a straw because some hot shot new talent was looking to make a statement.]

Brian Acres: Lot of depression going around during the holiday season... more than just the usual for a guy who hasn't won a match in three months.  People thinking of Christmases past.  Lost innocence, lost friends, lost loved ones... fondly remembering the celebrations of yesteryear.  Nostalgia can be a harsh mistress that way.  When I'm not on the road with SWAT, I'm fortunate to have a family of my own, and putting a smile on my little girls' face is far preferable to my own merriment as a tot.  Still a lot of folks look at these celebrations as a reminder of all the things that have changed... usually for the worst.

Kind of reminds me of wrestling.  See the sport I grew up with... the sport I wanted to be a part of?

Back when I was a kid, the cold war was raging, and you'd still see evil Russians menacing the heroic Americans with their antiquated political views.  America is the greatest, but try getting it through their depraved minds.

I mention this, because I want to thank you Duke Kosloff.  You're the walking embodiment of everything that got me into the sport.  Win or lose, dropkicking you in the face is going to realize the dream of a child of the 80s... god bless your backwards xenophobic style!  For me - christmas came early!  This holiday season, the only RED I was looking to see was Santa, but I'll be damned if this isn't going to be fun.

"OH MY GOD, ITS HIM!"



The Quaalude Kid: MAN - I'm like your biggest fan.

Chill Pill Bill: Oh yeah.  Great stuff.  Happy Thanksgiving dude.

Brian Acres: ...um, nice to meet you.  I think you have me confused though.

The Quaalude Kid: So modest!  Its true what they say online, always meet your heroes.

Brian Acres: You might be thinking of Miles.  Almost won the world title.  I get confused with him a lot.

Chill Pill Bill: Being confused is nothing to be ashamed of.

The Quaalude Kid: Nah, Brian Acres!  King of SWAT!  Best dropkick in the business!

Brian Acres: That's very kind of you to say... is Valentine ribbing me?  You two are here on a try out match?  You do know they test urine here.

The Quaalude Kid: With the amount of holiday cheer I put in the catering punch bowl, its going to take a dang christmas miracle for anyone to pass that thing!  How do you do it?

Brian Acres: I don't.

The Quaalude Kid: Nah dude, I mean how do you pass urine tests.

Brian Acres: I don't do drugs.

The Quaalude Kid: Wait... your matches... you mean... you're not high for those?

Brian Acres: Not at all.

Chill Pill Bill: Whoa.  ...with your record dude, I figured you could hook us up with some ketamine.

Brian Acres: Don't judge peoples records until you actually have CONTRACTS with SWAT.  This federation is the BEST of the BEST.

The Quaalude Kid: I'm... crashing hard.

Chill Pill Bill <shaking head at Acres>: Not cool dude.

The Quaalude Kid <staggering off>: Why did it say to meet your heroes?  I'm never trusting the internet again.

Chill Pill Bill <staggering after him>: What's that?

[Shaking his head at the kind of riffraff that don't make the cut, Acres turns back to the camera.]

Brian Acres: No substances needed.  The only thing fuelling my victory tonight, Duke, is a little christmas spirit!  See you in the ring.

[Acres turns back to his shopping list.]
 

[SWAT Team]

Cutting back to ringside we see a pair of hippies nailing some developmental talent in basic sweats with a doomsday device before taking the pin.

Jeremy Tucker: Welcome back, in the ring we're just looking at the team of Altered States pick up their first victory, in a try out match against The Smooth Kids. Will this spirited display land them a contract with SWAT? Only time will tell.

Andrew Fulton: As winter officially starts, I'm already looking to spring and the ANZAC Cup! Its great to see them trying to build up the tag division, just the kind of benevolent efforts I expect from our glorious leader, Joe Pesci.

Jeremy Tucker: Speaking of Pesci, I'm being told by our production booth that we have some footage that occurred after last weeks Battleground went off the air...

Andrew Fulton: They're actually putting that to air? Joe is not going to like this.

**************************

The feed cuts to black and white footage from Menu of Mayhem, just as the pickup truck reenters the arena, dragging the shark cage behind it. Half the cage has been caved in from various bumps, but the steel bends in ways that still trap its victim inside. Even by the standards of the beatings he's taken in the ring, Radu Matei looks like raw hamburger. The Helloween Cup winner isn't moving. What fans aren't throwing garbage at the truck, have been shocked into silence.

Andrew Fulton: We still on?

Jeremy Tucker: Matei looks like the end results of a snuff video, so I think they killed the feed. The images speak for themselves.

The crowd erupt into a chorus of boos as Zoran Sainovic gets out of the pickup truck, pleased with his handiwork. Garbage continues to fly. The only thing louder than the jeers for Sainovic come from the insulting chants directed at Joe Pesci. The SWAT Owner makes his way out of the back, smiling sadistically down at Matei.

Joe Pesci: I know how much you like references to OTHER federations... so let me put this in language that even you can understand. If Kevin Nash can beat Bill Goldberg with a cattle prod... how many volts is your sorry ass going to take, Matei?!

Pesci holds up the cattle prod to a wave of garbage. Matei still doesn't move, and that's the kind of real wrestling reference bullshit that makes him see red.

Joe Pesci: MAYBE if you'd pulled that whole speech about wrestling me the NIGHT OF New Years Nightmare, you might have stood a chance. ...But giving me a warning? Weeks to prepare? Pal, there was no way you were getting to that show in one piece, you entitled prick. <slow clap> A round of applause for Zoran Sainovic, for dragging this trash to the curb. In light of doing what no one else in SWAT could, I have decided to make Zoran Sainovic SWAT's official challenger for the X-Crown during XHF's Supremacy events!

*MONSTER BOOS FOR XHF FAVORTISM*

Joe Pesci: What's more... I've spent this month trying to get back into KILLER SHAPE... if you know what I mean. Only EVER TIME I end up lifting a weight, some asshole comes to me with a problem. I'm the owner, just because I have all encompassing power doesn't mean I should have to deal with your petty bullshit. So in light of his OUTSIDE the CAGE - ha - thinking tonight, I'm making Zoran the interim commissioner. Lets me focus on my killer karate moves!

Zoran Sainovic <leaning over the cage>: I already have something in mind for ze next show zat vill make zis look like a cake walk.

Joe Pesci: No go, that 110% douche is booking next week.

Zoran Sainovic <visibly annoyed that his job title means nothing>: Govno.

Joe Pesci: Don't worry, doesn't look like this scum is going to be making it. Speaking of which, this match isn't over yet, let's make it official.

Laughing to themselves, Zoran Sainovic sticks a toe through the cage, standing on the dead looking Radu Matei's chest, as referee Kit Kapp races over to make the three count.

Jeremy Tucker: This is outrageous. Matei has only suffered one singles loss in 2019, and that involved him pulling Suzi Spitz on top of him. This hasn't even been a match... for Zoran to HAND HIMSELF this victory, what an insult.










ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
















TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




















THREE-----------------------








Zoran Sainovic: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


*MASSIVE POP*

The crowd bursts into applause, as Zoran Sainovic falls over.

...and the cage ROLLS onto his leg, the seemingly dead former world champion using the little feeling in his fingers to apply a toehold.

Jeremy Tucker: EVEN HALF DEAD, MATEI STILL FIGHTING BACK!!!

Andrew Fulton: Joe Pesci and some of his nephews charging the cage, using that cattle prod to try and get Radu to let go - but its shocking Zoran as well!

DING! DING!! DING!!!


Jeremy Tucker: ZORAN TAPS!  ZORAN TAPS!!!! EVEN AS A CORPSE, RADU MATEI SOMEHOW MANAGING TO GET THE WIN!

As the bell rings, Joe Pesci starts to stagger backwards. Seeing their victim as still being dangerous despite the cage, his burly nephews also take a few steps back.

Jeremy Tucker: ALL THE BLOOD JUST DRAINED FROM JOE'S FACE! FLEEING FROM A BLOODY HUSK IN A CAGE! HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S GOING TO PISS HIS PANTS!

"TURN THAT SHIT OFF!"

*******************************

Footage from Menu of Mayhem now turns to the production truck in the back, where Joe Pesci is ranting at the technical director.

Joe Pesci: WHERE THE HELL DO YOU GET OFF, TRYING TO MAKE ME LOOK BAD!

Will Washington, Technical Director: I have my kids on set today, because Doris has been in the hospital. Can we keep the language PG, Mister Pesci? With the footage, we just played the tape that your cousin Paulie told us too. I apologize if-

Joe Pesci <turning to his entourage>: I'LL SAY WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT! DOES THAT LOOK LIKE THE KIND OF FACE THAT MAKES MISTAKES LIKE THAT?!

Actually.

Joe Pesci: You were suppose to air the montage of me training in Aikido to reassure everyone that I was going to physically dismantle Radu Matei at New Year's Nightmare, not that pissing his pants in fright gag. I ordered that destroyed. IT WAS CLEARLY LABELLED!!!

Paulie Pesci: Actually uncle...

Joe Pesci: SHUT UP YOU! You're fired, Washington.

Will Washington: Its Christmas Eve...

Joe Pesci: Then I guess you know what to ask SANTA for. Doris' dialysis will just have to wait for next year's christmas miracle!

Shaking his head in disgust, but not wanting to cause a scene in front of his children, the show's director leaves to collect his children. Pesci turns back to his entourage.

Joe Pesci: Tentacle, you fill in.

LEFT Tentacle: I really don't think I'd-

Joe Pesci: Its either you or Paulie, and I don't want to see any footage of me singing in the can.

Taking this promotion in stride, LEFT Tentacle, enters the cramped production truck.

LEFT Tentacle: Ok, star wipes it is. And more New Breed commercials! Those are hilarious.

Pesci shudders at the state of this show, as he meets Zoran Sainovic outside the truck. With all these star wipes could the show turn into a piece of shit, despite Syberus amazing booking?! The Interim commissioner is using a cane to get around, a war wound from his recent defeat.

Joe Pesci: What's the damage.

Zoran Sainovic: I was hoping to put him in an electric chair match, but with Syberus booking, our hands our tied. The good news is, in handing Radu his toughest opponent, Syberus is effectively giving us a cake walk at New Years Nightmare. The bad news... he has you wrestling. Given Marty's track record since coming back, if you can't pull off B12, no one is going to buy your incredible fitness plan going into the pay per view.

Joe Pesci: Can we rig his board to blow up?

Zoran Sainovic: I would bet on C4 to get you the win.

Joe Pesci <triple take>: WAIT, is this where he's hiding his ships, or what you're fixing to the board?

Zoran Sainovic: ...what game?

Joe Pesci rubs his temples in agony. Its going to be a long night.

[SWAT Team]

The Tron shows up, reading, after Battleground #21

We see the KGB locker room. The Mad Dog of Melbourne, Paul Soutter is standing in the bathroom, looking in the mirror. He holds his hands out and they are caked with dried blood, he just stares at them, long moments seeming to last for minutes, he looks into the mirror and he is still wearing the dog collar around his neck, his face and head also covered in dried blood. He stares into the mirror, then a sadistic smile crosses his face.

Switch to a limo pulling up outside the Santa Claus arena. The door opens and out steps Bruno, the Compton Colossal towers over the limo, his muscles rippling thru his KGB tank top. He looks around and then out steps Timeless, he looks incredible, the Technical title draped over his shoulder, he holds the door open and out steps Roxylishus, she is looking as hot as ever, them fun bags about to jump out of her hot pink boob tube. Joanne Canelli follows her out, SWAT Amazons title on her shoulder and then the Mad Dog of Melbourne, Paul Soutter exits. They start walking thru the entrance and corridors.

Soutter : The best show SWAT has done yet huh? This guy is really too much.

Roxylishus : Which guy?

Soutter : 110% Syberus.

Timeless : Mother Fucker called ME out! Sir WinsALot! He truly is delusional.

Roxylishus : A fifteen foot steel cage you are going to be locked in with him Timeless, the poor sap, why o why if you have the book would you want to get in the ring with the best wrestler to ever step foot in a SWAT ring?

Soutter : Fool is so self obsessed, that after he handed Valentine a World Title shot, he couldn’t handle it, and had to give himself a title shot also.

Bruno : YEAH!

Timeless : That was some dog collar match you and he had Suit. F’n brutal.

Roxylishus : What is up with Cobryn getting involved and costing you the match?

They round a corner and keep walking thru the corridors.

Soutter : I don’t know. But ... he just made the list. The naughty list.

Timeless : I got my own one of them.

Roxylishus : (excitedly) Am I on it?

Timeless : Damn straight.

They come to a locker room with the KGB logo on it and enter, Roxylishus plonks on a chair and grabs a water, drinking it seductively in slow motion.

Soutter : Well, he did one thing right. Me and the Snow Flake. Falls Count Anywhere. No Holds Barred. This is going to be GOOD!

Timeless : What the hell was Joe thinking, you had Judge Judy in the palm of your hand, wrestling isn’t ballet and she knew it, she was putting the fool Syb in his place and he comes out in the ridiculous My Cousin Vinny Jacket and riles her up.

Roxylishus : Not to mention that car bomb he got us hooked up with, what ever happened there?

Soutter : Yeah? What DID happen there?

Timeless : Well, i can’t really talk about it, but let’s just say, he screwed it up, and now, it’s coming back to haunt him, as Radu is still around and he has to face him at New Years Nightmare.

Roxylishus : He is going to get his head cracked, and then where will we be?

Soutter : Where we are right now. On TOP! Don’t count Joe out , he always has a plan, and Radu, he is living on borrowed time, he took a hell of a beating in his run as World Champion. I was in the ring with him at Helloween, i felt him in my clenches, he is done for.

Timeless : Them dozen Soutterlanches in the corner with the barbed wire were brutal, he only survived them by being impaled in the wire.

Roxylishus : What about Lucky Linda? Who the hell does she think SHE is to get in our business and challenge us to this War Games?

Soutter : Good question, one i intend to ask her tonight, face to face, on Suits Suite!

The crowd ‘Ooooo’

Soutter : The Society are finished, before they even get running, Kilroy has gone to work at the Dog Store. (Suit chuckles) Tux, The Russian and Marty are barely here, they are basically just a glorified tag team of Valentine and Syb, they can’t keep up with the Bandits. They know it, the world knows it, Linda knows it too so thinks she is going to form some Team SWAT, but, we’ll see about that.

Roxylishus : (takes a selfie) I have good mind to shut her up myself. Did you see us defeat Goth and Trampira?

Soutter : Great match, and great win guys.

Timeless : Piece of cake. Next is 110% Syb. I got something lined up for HIM!

Roxylishus : Me_tooooo!

Soutter : You will want to, he is a slimy bastard. Don’t under estimate him.

Timeless : We won’t. By hook or by crook, i’m walking into that cage Hardcore slash Technical champion, and i’m walking OUT THE CHAMPION!

Roxylishus : We want the FUNK!

Unfadeable

[edwarddubin0604]

(The ringsiders cheer as Psychotic Goth and his wife vampira are on the tron's screen as they are seen in what looks like an urban war zone. Despite the sounds of gunfire and violence both are not bothered by the horrors that are occurring.)

Vampira: "The sounds, sights and smells of war. That's what we thrive on. Violence and mayhem and blood and death as well as the suffering that comes with it. You asked for this KGB and this is going to be your fate."

Psychotic Goth: "Kross Global Bandits you should have been happy with what you've had. You should have been satisfied with just holding all of the gold, but you decided to take the route that was most foolish and now you shall fell what real doom is."

(he roars in an ancient dialect.)

Psychotic Goth: "Team Fairtex and Hired Killers we were once a family. We were once a team. Remember Hardkore World when we squared off as a team. A united front against those corporate bitches known as The Warhammer Corp. We lost because that sonofabitch named Allan 'The Brain' Anderson threatened your father and my mentor The Shootfighter."

(He pauses a beastly growl is heard from his throat.)

Psychotic Goth: "How ironic you have forgotten what happened then but I haven't forgotten. I haven't forgotten that humiliation and I never shall. Team Fairtex and Hired Killers you have forgotten what happened and that you and I were once family. Now that is no more. Now we are on opposite sides. Now we are the most bitter of enemies and I'm going to help bring you down to earth or even better. You and the KGB are going to hell."

(He roars in an ancient dialect.)

Psychotic Goth: "Now we shall be facing off in a War Games match but as a taste of what's in store for you. 'Lucky' Linda La Fey and Satan's Disciples...."

(He feels a rush of an arousal.)

Psychotic Goth: "Such an appropriate name for Doomsday and Lucifer. I love that name because they are intimidating and brutal in their wrestling and teamwork. I shall be more than happy to team with you against my former allies and family.
It's going to be a massacre and The KGB is going to regret whatnthey did for the rest of their pathetic lives. Frostbite's going to kill Soutter once and for all."

(Psychotic goth laughs maniacally.)

Psychotic Goth: "Then The KGB's hold on SWAT shall be free and Frostbite shall be in charge once and for all. Revenge shall be so sweet as the nectar in the fruit. KGB shsll be destroyed and it all begins tonight in a matter of moments. It shall be a warm up to your destruction KGB. Destruction shall be you're fate and you shall feel the wrath of Team SWAT as you all shall fall at our hands."

(He roars in an ancient dialect.)

Psychotic Goth: "Satan's Disciples still have a bit of a grudge against you Team Fairtex for screwing them out of a potential victory. Now you shall pay for it with your souls when Satan's Disciples beat you down and do it decisively. Too bad you decided to join the losing team."

(Psychotic Goth laughs and screams in an ancient dialect.)

Psychotic Goth: "Hired Killers you seemed to be lucky since you have to face Linda La Fey and myself. I know you remember you remember Linda La Fey Jade when The Hired Killers defeated her in a three way match made by the former GM Delilah Strain.
yes Jade you granted her a rematch which was honorable. You defeated her again and then when she and her former friend Avery McCullen teamed up to face you. You defeated them still but now things have changed and now she and I shall be facing you. I know you fear that I have revealed how you operate and that shall be your doom."

(He laughs demonically.)

Psychotic Goth: "Tonight your fate shall be revealed for the New Years Nightmare PPV. It ahall be a tragic and most unfortunate fate. It shall be an omen that you shall never be able to live down now or ever again. KGB this shall be your doom and destruction."

(The scene disappears and fire surrounds them both flames licking the screen.)

Psychotic Goth: "This is going to be so satisfying that Team SWAT shall beat down The KGB and shall do it again at New Years Nightmare. Prepare for a nightmare that even Freddy Krueger couldn't have dreamed up even more."

(He lowers his head and raises his arms and flings his head back revealing his pale handsome goth like looks.)

Psychotic Goth: "KGB shall fall at our hands tonight. You can blame that piece of shit who destroyed Hardkore World named 110% Syberus and that band of old geezers who have been a failure to regain their old glory. So foolish of that bitch Judge Judy to put Syberus in charge for a whole night. That's like having Joe Pesci in charge but at least Pesci didn't place himself into any matches like Jackass Syberus did. Such a shame that he's going to fail as a booker just lie he did in Hardkore World. Then again he's a cursed individual like KGB is. KGB you shall fail and continue to fail at the hands of Team SWAT. You shall see what happens when we destroy you and we shall continue to destroy you until you change your ways. Thus 'The King of the Goths' has spoken and thus this omen and prophecy shall come true."

(The flames die down and the screen blacks out.)

[frostbite]

Clank...

Clank..

Outside of the Santa Claus area we hear a loud noise.

Andrew Fulton: That sound is making my ears bleed.

Jeremy Tucker: I have to agree it quite loud.

We see an old light blue pickup truck slowly approaching the arena as a nail pace, a little bit of smoke coming from the tail pipe.

Andrew Fulton: The truck appears it might blow up in a minute.

As he continues to make its way into the parking lot, the noise gets even louder. The driver of the truck makes a sharp left turn and when they do so, the smoke coming from the tailpipe is even more, as the driver tries to find a parking space they appear to find one right next to a gray Ford escape.

Jeremy Tucker: It is that your rental there Andrew.

Andrew Fulton: Ah, great my car might catch on fire because whoever is the owner of that awful truck.

The truck comes to a complete stop as they turn off the engine.

Jeremy Tucker: I am glad that noise has stop.

The driver pushes open the door and out steps a large short brown haired gentleman with a brown goatee. He is wearing a gray sweatshirt with matching sweats and brown boots. He shuts the door as the driver side creaks quite a bit. As he looks over, we see another large gentleman with short black hair and wearing a black leather jacket and wearing black jeans and black steel toe boots. He slams the door shut on his side. He looks over at the other gentleman with an intense look in his red eyes.

Jeremy Tucker: Doomsday and Lucifer have arrived.

Lucifer... Dude, are you ever going to eat a new truck. For God's sake, how long have you had this thing.

Doomsday.. A long time.

Lucifer.. How many miles does this thing have? What 300,000 or more. Get a new truck.

Doomsday.. Stop worrying about the truck, and focus on what is at hand.

Lucifer.. Dude, I am ready for tonight mstch. A prelude to eat games.

Doomsday.. I hear Syberus booked this card. How in the hell, did he pull that off? I wish it was a rematch for the tag team titles.

Lucifer.. a screw job last week. We had those titles.

Doomsday.. I know you are pissed off, but tonight you get to take out your anger on Team Fairtex and their wives I want to say.

Lucifer.. I got to hand it to Syberus.. Bring your own weapons match. I mean two seven footers get to bring whatever they want.

Doomsday.. We do not need a weapon because we are such.

The two go around to the back of the truck, as Doomsday reaches in and pulls out a shovel, which is covered in mud.

Lucifer.. What in the hell dude?

Doomsday.. I saw this lying around the back yard and I though why in the hell not. I was using to dig some holes for the wife. She is into gardening. But tonight, I will use this bitch to dig some holes, and put the four of them in the ground.

Lucifer reaches in and grabs a pitchfork.

Doomaday.. Okay, where did you get that from?

Lucifer.. I borrowed it from somebody, and besides my name is Lucifer.. you know the devil, does care such an item.

Doomsday.. Okay, I get the pun..

Lucifer.. I plan on taking out somebody eye this evening.

Lucifer reaches back into the truck as he pulls out a 2x4.

Doomsday.. Dude, how many weapons are you bringing to this fight.

Lucifer.. It did not say that we had to bring just one weapon.

Doomsday.. A fair point my friend.. Who am I kidding, I bought another myself.

Doomsday reaches in the back of the truck as he lifts up a cover and pulls out a chainsaw.

Lucifer.. Dude, we are not hear to cut off body parts. I think you are either taking this thing to serious or watching to many horror movies.

Doomaday.. Hey man somebody is going to bleed tonight. I must remind me to send Syberus a beer or whatever he likes for making this match.

Lucifer.. I might take that chainsaw from you.

Doomsday.. Why don't you get one yourself. Trust me, tonight Team Fairtex and Hire killers are going to get what is coming to them.

Lucifer.. What what dish out tonight will be a small size of what lies ahead for them at war games. I want them to be busted up, hurt and maimed. And then at war games, finish them off once and for all.

Doomsday..And this will help our cause for another rematch with those two. I hope those four know what they gotten themselves into.

Lucifer.. Tonight, pain will be the name of the game.

The two head toward the backstage door.

Lucifer., What about your teammates this evening.

Doomsday.. Goth is cool, he wants a part of the KGB as much as anybody. Frostbite says the man is solid, that is all I need to know.

Lucifer.. What about Lucky Linda.

Doomsday.. She is cool as well, she wants to smack those whores around, the hired killers, so we shall lend a helping hand with that.

Doomsday points at Lucifer boots.

Doomsday.. Those steel down boots are weapons that means,you have three weapons.

Lucifer.. Ah jealous are we?

Doomaday.. Please I can find something in the arena and use it to bash in someone skull this evening.

Lucifer.. Tonight, this is the beginning of the end of the KGB. Team SWAT is going to lay the foundation out tonight.

Doomsday.. And war games after we make those four bleed here tonight, whatever is left, we promise to finish them off once and for all,

Lucifer.. Welcome to hell, Lucky Linda, Goth and my partner will certainly be more than happy to give you a guiding tour.

Doomsday.. Big man, it time to bash some skulls in.

The two enter the arena as they image fades out..

Jeremy Tucker.. I do not want to be on the other side tonight.

Andrew Fulton.. What was Syberus thinking in booking this match. He gave those two seven foot m9nsters a weapon to use. And who knows what Goth will have to his sleeve,

Jeremy Tucker., Lucky Linda will have something for the hire killers. Are you worried about the KGB tonight.

Andrew Fulton.. No.. They will take care of business this evening as they also do.

[Jonnie Valentine]

It's The Society of the New Breed Christmas Special! 

Starring..."A Very Merry" Jonnie Valentine! 


And The Jonniettes! 


And Greg The Assistant! 


With Special Guests:


110% Syberus! 


Kilroy Evans! 


Marty Donovan! 


Tuxedo Mask! 


The Russian Assassin II!


("Rocking Around The Christmas Tree" by Brenda Lee plays at Jonnie's palatial estate in Palm Springs, California. The house is immaculately decked out in elegant, tasteful Christmas decor. "A Very Merry" Jonnie Valentine sits in his rocking chair in a cozy turtleneck sweater and corduroys. He's sipping a hot toddy and looking at the snowfall out the window)


"A Very Merry" Jonnie Valentine": Ah, my favorite time of year. Christmas. Snow falling outside. Children caroling. The hustle-bustle of shoppers looking for the perfect gift. You have to cherish it, before it's gone. (sighs) Thanks, Greg. 


[Cut to Greg the assistant in the front yard, aiming a snow machine in front of Jonnie's window while it's 80 degrees out]


Greg: You got it, boss. 


[Cut back to Jonnie in his home]


Jonnie Valentine: That's Greg. He's great. Welcome to The Society of the New Breed Christmas Special. We have alot of fun, some songs, laughs, and a few surprises along the way. Greg?


[Greg the assistant skates into the room on the heels of his wheelie shoes. He's an Korean Los Angeleno with an ever present bluetooth in his ear and spiky gelled hair]


Greg: Yes?


[Canned audio of studio audience applause]


Jonnie Valentine: It's a little bright outside?


Greg: It's uh, 1:30 in the afternoon.  


Jonnie Valentine: ... 


Greg: I'll get right on it, boss.   


Jonnie Valentine: Thank you, Greg. 


[Greg wheels out of frame, and the canned audio of applause returns]


Jonnie Valentine: He's so great. Did I tell you? Anyway, tonight...


[Doorbell rings] 


Jonnie Valentine: Huh? Who could that be?


[Jonnie Valentine puts down his hot toddy and walks over to the door. He opens up and grins ear to ear]


Jonnie Valentine: Why, it's The Russian Assassin II! Merry Christmas! 


The Russian Assassin II: Da. Merry Christmas to you as well. 


[The taped audience applauds. The Russian Assassin is dressed in his normal wrestling attire, but with a festive holiday scarf and snow machine snow on his shoulders that Jonnie dusts off]


Jonnie Valentine: What are you doing here?


The Russian Assassin II: I have come to save Christmas. 


Jonnie Valentine: Greg?


[Greg the assistant wheels into the room]


Greg: Yes, sir?


Jonnie Valentine: Is Christmas OK?


Greg: I haven't heard anything, but let me go do a Google Alert search to be sure. 


[Greg skates back out of the room]


Jonnie Valentine: He's great. Isn't he great? 


The Russian Assassin II: Da, he's great. 


Jonnie Valentine: So what's the problem?


The Russian Assassin II: Filthy capitalist duck consumed by greed allows his humble employees to starve. When his worker mouse tries to use one piece of coal, he is nearly fired for his impertinence. He receives warning from his former business partner, a dog with Southern accent, that he must change ways. This dog is snappy dresser that wears chains like me.  


Jonnie Valentine: Yeah, I...


[Doorbell rings]


Jonnie Valentine: Hold that thought. I'll be right back. 


[Jonnie goes to answer the door]


Jonnie Valentine: Why it's 110% Syberus!


[Canned studio audience applauds. Syberus walks in dressed as Bing Crosby from The Little Drummer Boy]      


Jonnie Valentine: What in the heck are you doing here?


110% Syberus: I just wanted to come by and wish you and our friends at home a very Happy Christmas.


Jonnie Valentine: Well, that's so sweet of you. And Merry Christmas to you. 


110% Syberus: And a Happy Christmas right back at you.  


Jonnie Valentine: Just sounds weird.


110% Syberus: It's not weird. Yours is from the mid 1800s


Jonnie Valentine: A classic never dies. 


110% Syberus: Plus, I thought I could come by and use your piano.      


Jonnie Valentine: Of course. 


[Jonnie and 110% Syberus stride over the piano. 110% Syberus sits down and starts tickling the keys] 


110% Syberus: You know this one?     


Jonnie Valentine: Oh I might.


110% Syberus and Jonnie Valentine: (singing together) Come, they told me 
Pa rum pum pum pum
Our newborn King to see 
Pa rum pum pum pum


[Jonnie's backup singers The Jonniettes join them in harmony]     


The Jonniettes: Our finest gifts we bring 
Pa rum pum pum pum


Jonnie Valentine: Ladies and gentleman, The Jonniettes!      


Jonnie Valentine, 110% Syberus, and The Jonniettes: (harmonizing) To lay before the King 
Pa rum pum pum pum 
Ra pum pum pum 
Ra pum pum pum


[110% Syberus looks at Jonnie and The Jonniettes, then changes up the music] 


Jonnie Valentine, 110% Syberus, and The Jonniettes: Because my heart beats with Christmas!
And spreading joy is my business
That's right my heart beats with Christmas!
I love the people, and their kisses


My heart beats with Christmas!
If the People are my wife, then it's my mistress
My heart beats with Christmas
I tried to kill The Grinch but it turns out he's fictitious 


Jonnie Valentine: (solo) MY HEART BEATS WITH CHRISTMAS!! 


[110% Syberus starts playing down tempo, while they banter]


Jonnie Valentine: Take five, girls. 


[The Jonniettes exit stage left]  


110% Syberus: Big match this Christmas. 


Jonnie Valentine: That's right, my biggest in years. Suzi Spitz has gotten where she was because everyone underestimates her. Everyone looks at her gender and thinks they've already got her beat on paper. And that's when she has them beat. 


[110% Syberus switches to something a little jazzier but seasonal]     


Jonnie Valentine: But not me. I'm not taking this opportunity you've given me lightly. 


110% Syberus: Think of it as a Happy Christmas present.      


Jonnie Valentine: You honestly don't hear how weird that sounds? Anyway, I realize she's quicker than me, she's younger than me, she's nominally better looking than me. She'll do anything to hang on to that title and she'l be justified in anything she does to stop me. I've never wrestled anyone like her and I've been everywhere you can. 


110% Syberus: Did you see Jeremy Tucker piddle himself when I told them we had random drug tests tomorrow?     


[Greg the assistant wheels into the room with several cups of urine]


Greg: Did I hear someone needs clean urine samples?


110% Syberus: I'm fine, but thank you. 


Jonnie Valentine: Thank you, Greg.


[Greg the assistant wheelies back out of the room]      


Jonnie Valentine: Greg's great, isn't he?


110% Syberus: Greg's the best.                     


Jonnie Valentine: We're gonna be right back with more of The Society of the New Breed Christmas Special! 


Coming up! 


Kilroy Evans! 


Ronnie the Merch Guy


Marty Donovan! 


Tuxedo Mask! 

And a few surprise guests, maybe even the big man himself? 

[Trent Jones MR Bones.]

The screen goes black and static flickers a few times before we see a graveyard at night. A motorcycle can be heard in the background. It’s a cold winter night somewhere in the northern parts of the United States. The bike comes in view as Trent Jones stops the bike. He is dressed in black cargo pants, black boots. His vest is over a full black leather jacket. He has on his killin It hat. He walks through a long row of graves as he reaches in his pocket. He pulls out a flask and drinks from it as he walks his way. He reaches the grave he is searching out and he stops. The sound of the wind blowing is a whistling sound. Trent Jones pulls out a beer from his other pocket and he sets it on the headstone and he bows his head.

“It seems like just yesterday we were riding together and causing hell. I miss the old days when the gang was out and about. The clubhouse is not the same without you.” Trent Jones’s voice shows that he truly misses this person. “So I joined this wrestling company called SWAT dont ask me what it stands for… Shit Wrestling All the Time or something.” he drinks from the flask, “Every person that wrestles there is complete shit. I am a great fighter but hell even these losers make me look like a great wrestler.”

Trent Jones is a very confident fighter and his ego is almost as big as he is. Trent Jones has some targets in SWAT but he truly hates that the champion is some dumb bitch that doesn’t swallow and that they took in the reject from XHF. but truly he hates them all and he gladly admits it.

“The truth is I hate every single person that works for SWAT, the worst thing ever is being in the arena with a bunch of trash. I truly hate walking in the building. I want to burn this fucking place down.” Trent sips from the flask once more, “When I walk in people just stop what they are doing because they are scared I am going to snap and kill them… so far I haven’t yet but its only been a couple of months so far. The time will come… my time has come for me to ride to the top.”

Trent Jones grabs a pinch of dip and puts in under his lip, “I would love to see the looks on their face if you were still here and we could walk in together. These douchebags would piss themselves. The Grand Master of the Ryders Crossbone and Trent Jones Mr. Bones would send fear to the world.” Trent looks up to the sky as the scene flickers for a second.

************
Old footage from back in the day shows a younger Trent Jones and a Larger man with two bones crossing tattoed on his forehead. The two men are walking into the courthouse as a dozen or so men are sitting on bikes waiting for them. A news reporter walks into the scene.

News Reporter: I am Stacey Stark for Channel 7, Where we are on your side. I am outside of the courthouse where Trent Jones and Craig Ranger Also Known As Crossbone. These two men are in court today for the bar brawl back on Christmas Eve. They and other members of a biker gang called the Graveyard Ryders started a fight in a bar where 23 people were hospitalized. The damages at the Girls! Girls! Girls! Club was over $100,000 and caused the place to shut their doors as they remodel the place.

The reporter continues to talk as footage from the GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS Club plays. You see Trent Jones headbutt a guy as Crossbone smashes a beer bottle over the guys head. That’s when the brawl became an all-out Ryders vs the rest fight. Trent Jones beats a man’s head into the stripper pole.

News Reporter: Many locals are showing up demanding these guys are locked up. They also want the remainder of the Graveyard Ryders removed from this town.

***********
Back inside the graveyard we see Trent Jones laughing as he is retelling the story of the fight, “The dudes head was bouncing off that pole so hard… I haven’t seen something bounce like that in a long ass time. Not even that girl with the big booty at the club whos ass would shake for hours after she stopped moving. Look, man, I never expected you to end up in this grave, it was an honor taking over the Ryders after you died.” Trent sips again from the flask. “You see the Ryders havent really grown while I was the leader, to be honest enrollment is way down… well it’s just me but we will Ryde Again.”

Trent Jones really hated feeling like he had failed the Ryders. Trent wasn’t like most people when he felt like he failed it motivated him even more. So many others would give up. Hell most would have walked away after doing 3 years for the brawl at the strip club. Trent was a hell of a fighter but he wasn’t a leader. Members went to jail and the clubhouse went to hell. Trent Jones was convinced that he would return the Ryders to the greatness they once were.

“So Crossbone I have to admit that I have failed but I am not about to fail anymore. Its time we Ryde again.” Trent Jones seems so fired up as he walks towards his bike. He finishes the flask, as he starts his bike the camera zooms in on his patch on his jacket.


********************
       The Club House
********************

The Graveyard Ryders clubhouse is in the background as Trent Jones pulls into the parking lot in a black pickup truck with his bike in the back. He opens his door and he steps out as he walks towards the clubhouse. He walks in and Chair-E the metal chair is sitting at a table on top of a bench. Trent Walks in and yells out “Graveyard” This is where the other members would yell Ryders. but the only person in the room is the chair. And the Chair-e is not even a real person. Trent walks over and touches the chair as if its a real person. Trent speaks to Chair-e “So Chair-e look I need your help, we need to recruit some new members and I was wondering if you knew anyone that would want to be a Ryder?”

Face it who didn’t want to join a biker gang that has 99% of its members in Jail/Prison, Dead or hiding from someone. The fact was only a true psychotic person would even consider joining the Graveyard Ryders. But at the end of the day the world is full of Crazy so it is only a matter of time before the next era of Ryders start. Mr Bones smiles as he walks through the clubhouse. The place truly works worst than his last visit.

Trent Jones grabs a beer out of the fridge and he sits down in a chair and he puts his leg up. He was less than impressed that the weather has caused him to drive his bike in the back of a truck vs riding the streets. He was heading to Indiana in the next few days and he was going to make another big splash, “I am going to make another big splash just like Black Friday shit after eating on thanksgiving. That turd hits the bowl and the water shoots straight up your ass.” Trent looked around with a sick smile on his face, “I am facing an Indian guy next, I wasn’t sure if it was a feather or a kaboom. Turns out it is a build-a-bomb wrestler. Who is doing so well that he gets to drive a cab around.”

As he finished speaking about how bad his opponent is doing, Trent Jones looks around the trashed empty clubhouse and smiles. “He wishes he could live like me, but he is not a fucking red-blooded American like me. He is literally a curry eating sheep fucker that will have his teeth blown out of his mouth faster than the premature explosion that killed his father on his way to work.” Trent Jones laughs at his joke about Rajiv’s father being a suicide bomber. Trent really does not care whos feeling he hurts, hell he enjoys hurting them. As he has stated he hates the backstage area but he loves being in the ring kicking the shit out of all the trash.

Trent Jones stands up and grabs Chair-E and walks towards one of the dartboards. TJ set her down and he puts three Darts on her chair. Trent stands at the line and throws the first dark and he steps over the line. He turns and looks at the chair, “No I didn’t step over the damn line. You must be on your period Chair-E because your Extra bitchy and cold.” Trent Throws his second and third darts and when he walks over, he moves the dart from the 2 point section and places in the bullseye mark on the board. “No Chair-e I didn’t move it. This is why I left you at home the last few days, you just sit around all day trying to judge me and shame me. Plus you got angry when we were headed back to the clubhouse and I porked that chick behind the gas station.” he pauses to listen to the chair, “No I dont think its a big deal she sat on your face after I was done with her, she needed to clean up before she could go back to work. Maybe you should get a job and stop sponging off of me.”

Trent Jones was not happy that his best friend Chair-e the steel chair he used to beat the living hell out of, Warren Webber. Trent Jones thought Warren was dressed up as Pee Wee Herman and Trent had heard the Special Word of the Day and Chair-E got all Excited. After that others have had the chance to meet Chair-E as the unstable biker leader decides to hand out random acts of violence. Trent was a huge fan of violence and he really wanted to get his hand on the newest trash to join the SWAT… Duke the trash bag.

“Do you know what they call trashy people over in Russia Chair-e?” He Smiles as he looks at Chair-E. “No that is not correct they call them Russians. You See Duke thinks because he is tall and had had some belts gifted to him he is special, but he is not special at all. When the day comes I get to split his head open I will prove that he is a brain dead reject just walking the face of the earth. But ok, back to the Tick...Tick...Tick...Boom guy I have to face this week, this little chunky son of a bombmaker is going to be the next example. This dude couldn’t score with the SWAT champion if he showed up with 4 roofies and a box of fine wine.” Trent was so proud of his comments he couldn’t help but laugh, he was headed to Santa village or some shit to beat the hell out of a fatter taxi driver than the one from Deadpool. He was going to take on the former banker though he was confused about what that really meant.

Trent Jones clears his throat and using a mocking Indian accent he starts pretending he is Rajiv, “Hello welcome to India Banks, as a friendly reminder this a Bomb free and goat free place of business. How can I help you? Oh, maybe you would like to add that to your savings so one day you can travel to America and own your very own party store and sell alcohol and smokes to minors… ah yes, you will be living the Indian Dream.” Trent Was proud of himself once more but he truly wonders how a man goes from a banker in the sand to a taxi cab driver who tries to pro wrestle in America.

Trent Jones is becoming frustrated with the IDEA that he is still not in the main event. “Last week we watched an opening match where one Russian Slob was beaten when he fell asleep and the other Russian Trash Duke fell on top of him. Worst match ever in SWAT. Suzzanahhh Squirt remains champion and that is the largest disgrace as well. I dont get it Mr. Bones is headline Material and is better than Everyone else in SWAT and even in the XHF Network.” Trent Walks over and grabs another drink and looks outside, a car has pulled up out front of the Club House.

A man gets out of the car he has his head shaved on the back and sides and his hair is long up top he has it pulled back in a ponytail. He is wearing a black suit and red dress shirt. He has a briefcase with him as he makes his way inside. “Fuck the Lawyer is here” Trent walks over towards the table.

The man walks in and shakes hands with Trent Jones and they sit together. “Look TJ, I know things are going bad right now for the Graveyard Ryders but look we are getting sued again. This time a Jillian *Beep* who was a Dancer at Girls GIrls Girls is going after lost wages and pain and suffering.” The Lawyer just Looks at Trent Jones to see if he is going to reply. Trent sips from his beer as the lawyer walks over to the fridge and grabs a beer.

Trent finally speaks as the lawyer sits back down, “Axebone...”

The lawyer steps in, “TJ Its Alex Stone, I am not in the Ryders anymore. You know i had to leave so I could keep Practicing the Law.”

Trent gets angry, “What is sad Axebone is that you gave up your American Dream of being an officer in the Ryders and instead now you a suit that work at some law firm. This is almost as bad if Rajiv would give up on his Taxi driving dream here in America to become a good wrestler. Lucky for him I will help him keep his taxi driving dream alive.”

Alex Stone shakes his head as he listens to Trent, “I am going to make a half a million this year or I could be broke and sitting in this dead clubhouse with you. The things you say here in SWAT will be mentioned by her lawyers to try and prove you are an evil man.”

Trent Jones won’t let him Finish, “Then let’s have her killed problem solved.”

Alex Smith jumps and turns to the cameraman, “Stop tapping Now”

[frostbite]

The backstage hands are enjoying themselves after it is the special time of year it is Christmas. We see a lovely young red haired lady skipping around wearing a green sweater with Santa on the front of it, and red sweats with Merry Christmas written in white going up and down both side of her pants and wearing elf like black shoes. The young lady from what we can tell is whistling something, but suddenly stops in mid stream as he is gathering her thoughts and decides to bust out in a song..

Young lady.. Jingle bells, jingle bells.

We move along as we see a gentleman with tattoos going up and down of his arms as he is wearing a black tank top with black leather pants and black boots, his black hair well it is a Mohawk, he looks a young mister T, Minus the gold chains. It appears the young man is eating some Christmas cookies.

Jeremy Tucker: Ah, I see T Dog is eating some Christmas cookies that were made by one of the lovely backstage hands. They are good, had some myself earlier.

Andrew Fulton: Who in the hell is T Dog?

Jeremy Tucker: One of the local enhancement talents. He wrestle in a dark match before the show hit the airwaves. Do your research.

Andrew Fulton: Excuse me.. so sorry. Maybe T Dog will become a future hall of famer and win multiple World titles.

Andrew laughs..

Andrew Fulton: Highly doubt it. I could beat this guy in five minutes.

A loud noise is heard off in the distance as our cameras rush to find out where that is coming from. We move quickly ad it appears the backstage door as been open and it smacked right against the wall. A short blonde haired gentleman, wearing black sunglasses enters the arena. It appears this young man looks a little worse for the wear as he is supporting a large cut across his forehead as our cameras get a closer look it is appears to be plenty of black stitches. The young man is wearing a blue sweatshirt with blue jeans and black boots. However this young man appear to have a limp as he enters the building.

A HUGE POP

Jermey Tucker: Frostbite has arrived, and he looks like he has been through hell. After the match he and the current SWAT Champion, Suzi Spitz had last week it was certainly a match for the ages. Both individual put a lot on the line.

Andrew Fulton: And Frostbite came up short once again. Since this man has came back to SWAT, what has this man done. Nothing.

Jeremy Tucker: Frostbite put on a great performance last week, there is no denying that even our champ will give Frostbite his due.

Andrew Fulton: Stop making excuses for the man. All I heard was he was going to burn this place to the ground and he has done nothing. The KGB has stop him especially Paul Soutter has stop him and put him in his place over and over.

Jeremy Tucker: Paul has certainly gotten the best of Frostbite lately, but tonight, Paul and Frostbite will go one on one.. Fall count anywhere, anything goes.

Andrew Fulton: This is right up Paul alley. Maybe after tonight the boss, will finally take out the trash and beat Frostbite to a bloody pulp and send his way out the door. Maybe even fire the guy as well and take his two seven foot goons with him.

Frostbite slowly walks around backstage as he is heading toward the locker room, still favoring his left leg.

Andrew Fulton: Who died and gave Syberus the authority to book matches her tonight. Somebody needs to tell him that this is SWAT and not Hardkore World.

Jeremy Tucker: Why don't you tell him that yourself. He might just take home the hardcore title tonight.

Andrew Fulton: I believe the title is called the technical title, that is what Timeless would like for it to be called. You need to get your facts straight.

Jeremy Tucker: Sorry about that.

Andrew Fulton: It is rather usually that he books himself in a title match and his boy Johnny in a world title match.

Jeremy Tucker: And Paul would not do the same thing with members of the KGB.

Andrew Fulton: Paul gives people who deserve a shot at any title around here. He is a fair man.

Frostbite passes by the enhancement talent ad he sees the young man eating a cookie. He stops as he shakes his head. T Dog looks at Frostbite.

T Dog: Is there a problem. I do not like the way you were looking at me.

Frostbite slowly takes off his sunglasses to reveal that he has a black eye from his battle last week.

Frostbite.. Is there a problem?

T Dog walks over to Frostbite and gets right in his face.

T Dog: I said I did not like the way you were looking at me. I know sometimes you old timers ate hard of hearing.

Frostbite.. Old timer.

T Dog: That is what I said grandpa. After what I say last week from you. Should be ashamed you got beat by a girl. I would have beaten her in 5 minutes. But you got your ass kicked by a woman.

Frostbite.. Listen, you do not want to play with me right now.

T Dog.. Really? What are you going to do, take out your cane and beat me with it. Maybe you are going to bite me with your false teeth. Grandpa, I do not think you know who you are messing with.

Frostbite: Listen mister T, I do not have the time to deal with you right now.

T Dog: It is T Dog.. That is the problem with you old people, you can never get the names right. Listen old man, I am in the Christmas spirit I am going to let this go.

Frostbite laughs..

Frostbite.. Thank you T Dog.

Frostbite begins to walk away.

T Dog: By the way, best of luck tonight against Paul Soutter. I bet that fat man will kick your ass once again. Take a look at you, if a woman dud that to you last week, what do you think Paul is going to do to you this week. Soutter owes you old man. Maybe you just do not have It anymore.

Frostbite stops in his tracks, as he spins around and connects with some sweet chin music right on T Dog jaw. He walks over as he gives the young man a Garvin stomp all over his body. He pulls him to his feet and drops him back to the floor with a double arm ddt. Frostbite turns him over, as he looks right down into T Dog, green eyes.

Frostbite.. You are right, I lost to a girl and that same woman would have kicked your ass in 1 minutes. Suzi would have toyed with your simple ass for maybe a minute and then get bored with you and put you away. But you seriously believe that Paul is going to beat me tonight. You see what is wrong with to youth today. They need to keep their mouths shut and learn. But you know the lesson that Paul is going to understand after the beating I give you later on. It is a very simple one.

He reaches down and smacks T Dog right across his face.

Frostbite.. Paul is going to find out I am a man of my word, sure that fat bastard might have gotten the best of me as of late but tonight he us going to find out everybody in life has a breaking point and he had reached that point with me, I promise I will take his fat ass and beat him all over this arena and when do that, I will beat his ass all over this city. I will both bleed with a doubt, I promise you Paul will spill more blood then I will. This all comes crumbling down. It starts to tonight and at war games it will come to an end.

Frostbite kicks T Dog right in his ribs.

Frostbite.. Syberus gave me a early Christmas present and I will not disappoint. I am glad that Hardkore Johnnie left a little bit for me because I will finish the job tonight. Paul, do you remember the time I stole an ambulance and drove you to a warehouse and best your ass. Tonight I am sure there will be one stand by. Paul I am going to beat you within an inch of your worthless life and then drag your fat ass and put you in another ambulance and drove to the nearest body of water and drive that bitch right straight into. I will watch as the ambulance hits the water and I will laugh because I would have put an end to you and the KGB once and for all. Because everybody knows once you cut off the head of the snake the rest of the body follows.

Frostbite puts his foot on T Dog chest.

Frostbite.. Paul trust when I say this..

The camera zooms in on the intense look in his blue eyes.

Frostbite.. Tonight, I promise you, that will receive the worse beating of your life. And Paul, you are going out of here on a stretcher tonight, I guanteee that.

Frostbite puts back on his glasses as he walks away as T Dog is quickly being attending to my local medical staff.

Jeremy Tucker: Your boss is in trouble tonight. I think Frostbite will act on his promise.

Andrew Fulton: He is our boss and where have we heard this before. Frostbite will not keep his word, Paul will get ready of this jerk once and for all. It will be a great Christmas when this company is rid of Frostbite once and for all. Paul will drop him in nearest body of water.

Jeremy Tucker: It will certainly be a bloodbath without a doubt.

[King Syberus]

[The camera opens on a projector pointing at a blank screen. 110% Syberus steps into the shot with a 110% BITCH Christmas sweater on, that lights up.]



110% Syberus: 110% Syberus. “Timeless” Alex Turner. One of us gives 110%. The other used to.



[Shots fired.]



110% Syberus: Alex Turner, over the next six and a half hours I'll be demonstrating meticulously why you should just hand me the belt and not bother going through the formality of actually wrestling.



[There's a throat clear from off camera. Syberus huffs and throws a huge stack of notes over his shoulder.]



110% Syberus: Fine. We'll do the cliff notes. But it loses something.



[110% Syberus clicks the clicker, an image of Alex Turner pops up holding the Hardcore title.]



110% Syberus: “Timeless” Alex Turner. SWAT Hardcore Champion. Attempted to rename it the Technical title and swore not to defend it in any stipulation matches. Has clearly failed on both accounts.



He's a good looking man. Mighty good lookin'. (Syberus says this in a cowboy accent for no reason). He likes long walks on the beach, being a member of the KGB, and doing little rhymes at the end of his promos. He's managed by Roxylicious, who's like Suzi Spitz except without any championships, and did I mention his abs yet?



Oh, and he's a time traveller.



[Greg wheels on, bluetooth earpeice flashing in his ear, hands Syberus a espresso for a moment, which Syberus sips shaking his head clearly furious, and hands it back to Greg.]



110% Syberus: Thanks, Greg.

Jonnie Valentine (off screen): Isn't Greg the best?

[Greg wheels off.]



110% Syberus: HE'S A F***ING TIME TRAVELLER, PEOPLE.



HE. TRAVELS. THROUGH. TIME.



And for SOME reason, it's literally the least important thing about him. It's such a background characteristic of this fucking nimrod that the KGB didn't for one second think to utilise it in their recent (bizarrely captured on film) car bombing attempt. “Shall we use the magic watch, guys?” “What watch? Oh right. The device of infinite possibility. I forgot you had that. No let's just murder this guy through conventional means.”



This piece of shit has a time machine permanently strapped to his arm and all we get from him is how big Roxy's tits are.



[Syberus clicks the clicker to a slide showing the last time Alex Turner travelled through time which was three months ago and the segment just ended like every other Alex Turner segment ends, with people looking at Roxy's tits, except this time she's in a Star Wars costume.]



110% Syberus: Newsflash – this is professional wrestling. Every woman in this industry has absolute juggernauts. Did you ever meet Yuku Shiro (Syberus shudders). Unlike most of them however it's your centric theme. And that's just sad. It's also the reason Suzi Spitz has a world championship and Roxy has... well... absolutely nothing whatsoever and you, heh, you're about to lose the only thing you got.



Alex... let me give you a reality check for a second. And I know that's a strange thing to say to a time traveller but still.



You're terrible.



You're AWFUL dude.



You act like you're the shit, and hey this is wrestling so we all act like we're the shit. But my God man.



I know what I'm going to get from you. The little rhyme. The shot of your abs. Roxy pressing her chebs against the camera glass. What's that got you over the last few months, Alex?



What has it got you?



You lost against the Society in the TLC. You lost against Jonnie Valentine. You were beaten by Suzi Spitz for the title in the four way, and you lost against her again at Hardkore Helloween. You stopped the rot last week against Psychotic Goth and Vampira-



[Syberus fweeps a party horn.]



110% Syberus: Go you. But really the guy can't string two coherent sentences together, which has nothing to do with the amount of times I've kicked his ass, he's just always been that way.



Someone once told me that sometimes you need a slap upside the head to get yourself straight. You, Alex, need a reminder that you can't for one second drop below the required limit in this business. KGB, Society or otherwise. It doesn't matter who you are. It's got nothing to do with reputation, prestige, associations, stables, gimmicks (or lack thereof) or, and I'm sorry to break this to you, how big your manager's cans are.

It's about those PERCENTS, baby.



You just 'aint putting them in.



Every week from you is the same. Every time you open your mouth, it's the same. You have a gimmick of limitless potential strapped to your arm yet it's the same. Same. SAME.



And people accuse 110% Syberus of being a broken record.



Alex, at the Best Show SWAT Has Done Yet, you're going to step into a cage – which let's not forget you swore not to do, and defend the Hardcore title, which again let's just highlight that you failed to rename, against THE best technical wrestler on the face of the planet, who carved his name in the history books in the world of Hardcore wrestling. I'M the guy you wish you were in this match, Alex. I'M everything you're gonna tell the world you are in your next promo. I'm going to rip you apart, limb from limb. I'm going to shatter bones, tear muscles, ring your brain inside your skull like the wake up alarm your career sorely needs.



And I'm going to take the SWAT Hardcore Championship.



Maybe then, you'll be able to rise from the ashes and realise what it takes to make it in this business. There's a reason Suzi Spitz has the SWAT World Championship right now and you don't. You had your chance, hell you had two chances, and you didn't walk out with the gold.



You're failing, Alex.



You're failing yourself, your stable, and this company. I wouldn't be surprised at all if you were one fuck up from being jettisoned from the KGB. Oh, no that's right. That pathetic collection of beta males will want to keep Roxy around – once again she's the most valuable thing about your lame ass.



Regardless, you won't be going back to your team mates with the Hardcore title. That will be the property of the Society of the New Breed.



THE stamp of quality in professional wrestling.



And thanks to 110% Syberus, we also put in the most percents.



So really Alex what do you have? What do you have of any redeeming quality whatsoever?



Oh that's right.



Roxy's tits.



[Very fucking fadeable indeed.]

[SWAT Team]

Jeremy Tucker: It's time now for……

“Cat Scratch Fever” starts playing before Jeremy can say anything more. Lynn Brewster appears at the top of the ramp but she looks far from pleased. She makes her way down to the ring with a mic. She rolls in and stands up.

Lynn: Cut it!

Andrew Fulton: Seems Lynn has something on her mind.

Lynn: For the last few months, due to my own…..arrogance I’ve been doing what our leader asks. Everything from painting his house, mopping locker rooms and most recently a day of scraping the barnacles off his boat. I’ve done them without complaining but I’ve noticed something. I’m doing all this work, biting my tongue while doing it, and there is someone in this company who just has to bat her eyes and Pesci gives her whatever she wants. Well that same someone cost me the SWAT World title not once but TWICE! And I’m finally fed up with it and right here and now we’re going to have it out.

Before I get her out here one way or another I will say this for Pesci…..he’s been more or less fair. I know I could be doing a lot worse things than he has been having me do, although the fear of drowning about did me in. But I made a deal with him, and I lost and I’ve honored my obligation but Pesci, because of you I’m missing out on several things, and that's AFTER I did a great deal for SWAT in your absence. I introduced intergender wrestling to SWAT, something you weren't too sure about continuing but I do thank you for not giving up on the idea, and I think even you can say it worked out for the best because we have a woman as our world champion. However that woman should be ME, not Suzi Spitz. And I hold one person responsible. Pesci, it's not you…...and I want this person down in this ring now so we can have this out. I’m talking about none other than…..

Marie Caedes! Get here now!

The crowd is a mix of cheers and boos as Lynn watches waiting for Marie. The crowd starts to get a bit restless when Marie doesn’t show up.

Lynn: Marie! I know you’re back there because when I was playing janitor and emptying the garbage cans I saw you. Now…..get out here before I go back there and drag you out!

There seems to still be no response and Lynn starts to make her way out of the ring when “Amen, it's Saturday Night” by Panic At the Disco plays and Marie walks out dressed in her ring gear. She looks at Lynn, who is in the ring and stops

Marie: Well, here I am, what's on your mind ...Mom?

Ok so maybe airing the family’s dirty laundry in the ring isn't the smartest move but its a move Lynn has made.

Lynn: Did you forget to clean out your ears today? I said in this ring!

Marie shakes her head, but she makes her way to the ring and keeping an eye on Lynn she climbs in the ring and looks at Lynn like “well?”

Lynn: You know it dawned on me when I was ...listening to Joe the other day that something is wrong, and that is here I am doing his bidding and meanwhile you seem to be the little princess who is getting what she wants. So the question is ...what is it costing you? What are YOU giving Pesci in return for all these favors he seems to be doing for you?

Marie reaches for a mic and tries to conjure a look of confusion but she’s not fooling anyone. Lynn stands there waiting for Marie to say at least something.

Marie: What am I giving him? Nothing….except gratitude for what he’s done for my career. It's sure a lot more than you ever have.

Lynn: Excuse me? Meaning?

Marie: Oh come on, let's get real here. When Emily said she wanted to be a wrestler you practically welcomed her with open arms. You supported her, you trained her, you made sure that her career was paved with gold covered stones. But what have YOU done for me? Not a damn thing. In fact you seem to be doing everything you can to keep me from being a wrestler. Well here’s a news flash mother, I’m 18 now. I don't need your approval for anything. But even when I was 17 don't you ever stop and ask yourself just how I was able to wrestle at the age of 17? It sure the hell wasn’t thanks to you. In fact you seem to try and throw every available road block my way while Joe recognized that I have potential, more talent than you can EVER dream of.

Lynn looks at her youngest daughter, perplexed with what she’s saying.

Lynn: You’ve never asked!

Marie: Yes I did. I asked for you to train me, and when you wouldn’t, I found my father and he refused...and he told me it was because you told him don't let me! But my grandfather signed the papers, he gave Joe free reign and I got my first title match. And then when I tried to help you get a shot at the World title, you screwed it up and and blamed me. Then the second time, remember on top of that cage? You had a chance then but instead of taking the chance you were determined to make sure I didn't have the chance either.

Andrew Fulton: she is spot on, Lynn is always about Lynn, what about Marie?.

Jeremy Tucker: Lynn stares at Marie for a moment, and then shakes her head, as if she doesn’t believe what Marie is saying. She takes a step towards Marie, and Marie's credit she doesn’t flinch. Lynn is nearly nose to nose with Marie when a voice is heard.

Do it Lynn. Prove how loyal you are to me. Slap the hell out of her.

Both Lynn and Marie turn and Pesci appears at the top of the ramp looking at the two ladies in the ring.

Pesci: Who is more loyal to me? The young, bright star who is just starting to shine or the veteran who is looking for glory at least one more time?

Marie starts to say something but Pesci stops her.

Pesci: Marie, my dear, I know normally I’m there supporting every step you make but for one night you need to prove if you’re loyal to me.

Marie starts to say something but she’s interrupted.

Pesci: Remember what we talked about that day when you were scraping the barnacles off my boat? The…..incident and how I told you I know how to get either loyalty or get rid of problems. Which are you Lynn? Loyal or a problem? Are you going to honor your promise and do as I say? If so ...slap her! Put your daughter in line!

Marie starts to say something when a crack is heard to the farthest corner of the arena ...as Lynn as hauled off and slapped Marie so hard Marie drops her mic and staggers backwards a couple steps. Lynn looks at Marie, then Pesci.

Lynn: If this is really what you want, you better get a referee down here…..now.

Lynn throws her mic out of the ring and pulls Marie to her, and then sends Marie into the far ropes, and when she comes back hits Marie with a belly to belly suplex! Lynn gets up and looks at Pesci, who has a grin that goes from ear to ear.

Jeremy Tucker: He’s loving this! He’s loving watching this family tear itself apart right here in front of everyone and he……

Andrew Fulton: So am I.

Jeremy Tucker: He doesn’t care!

Marie grabs the ropes to get up and it's plain to see that she’s ready for this. Finally Marie charges and they lock up. Lynn is the first to break the hold, but she not only watches Marie but keeps one eye sort of on Pesci, just in case he wants to get more involved. Both ladies seem to take a deep breath and then they stare each other down. Marie can’t help also keeping an eye on Pesci, given that at the moment there seems to be bad blood. Lynn notices Marie looking at Pesci and she goes in for a cheap shot to the head. Pesci is calmly watching as Lynn delivers a new shot to the midsection of Marie. Marie comes back with a quick uppercut, and goes off the ropes while still keeping her eye on Pesci. Lynn gets a quick and powerful clothesline while Marie gets to the ropes quickly and referee calls for the clean break but Lynn holds on….

One…….

Two…….

Three..

Finally Lynn breaks the arm bar, and the referee gets into her face warning her NOT to pull something like that again. Marie takes advantage of this time to roll out of the ring and hold her arm which is just beginning to feel pain. Lynn sees her outside the ring and motions for Marie to get back in while the referee suddenly remembers his job and starts to count Marie out….

One…

Two..

Marie rolls back in the ring and hits Lynn then goes to the apron and climbs to the top rope and jumps, landing a double axe handle to Lynn. Marie goes to make another move on Lynn. Marie poses for the crowd giving Lynn plenty of time to wait for Marie to turn around and Lynn corners Marie when she turns around and hits her with a knee to the gut in the corner. Marie slumps down and Lynn hits her with a knee to the head as well. She then mounts Marie in the corner and starts to deliver some quick punches. The referee pulls Lynn back and Lynn isn't happy about this, but doesn’t want to be disqualified.

As Lynn is arguing with the referee it gives Marie a chance to get up and when Lynn turns around Marie hits her with a quick spear that takes Lynn down. Marie then throws a few left and right hands to the head of Lynn and the referee backs up Marie as Lynn is dazed. Pesci is frowning.

Jeremy Tucker: Why is he frowning? He wins no matter what.

Andrew Fulton: Your guess is as good as mine at this point.

Marie then rolls Lynn over and applies an arm bar and Lynn is reaching for the ropes. Marie locks in the arm bar even tighter and Lynn is screaming in pain.

Jeremy Tucker: Marie is determined to prove that youth is better in this case.

Andrew Fulton: Give it up Brewster, your time is done, Marie is the future!.

Lynn keeps reaching for the ropes and is able to just reach them, forcing Marie to break the hold. Marie backs up as Lynn stands up, rubbing her shoulder to get feeling back in her arm. As the referee is telling Marie to break a bit faster Lynn reaches down to her boot and pulls something out. She looks like she has some sort of weapon wrapped around her hand, like a chain but the referee suddenly seems blind to Lynn. But Marie does see what Lynn has and she runs at Lynn, changing Lynn’s center of balance and Lynn drops the object outside the ring.

Jeremy Tucker: What the hell? Lynn was going to use a weapon on Marie.

Andrew Fulton: She may smartening up.

Jeremy Tucker: That is her daughter.

Jeremy seems to just be confused as to how Lynn and Marie could do this to each other. Meanwhile in the ring. Lynn tries for a cheap shot on Marie, but Marie seems a bit quicker and she shoves at Lynn, who rolls out of the ring to catch her breath while in the ring Marie seems like a young bull ready to charge. Lynn slides back in the ring and Marie goes for a drop kick to Lynn, but Lynn dodges it and grabs one of Marie’s legs and lands a vicious elbow to the back of the knee. Marie screams in pain as Lynn looks up but Pesci has since left, but Lynn is sure he is watching to see what these two do to each other. She lands a second shot to the same knee and Marie is trying to get away from Lynn, holding the knee. The referee backs Lynn off so he can check on Marie, who has rolled out of the ring. Marie is trying to put weight on the leg but is having no luck, but instead of giving up, she is trying to get back in the ring. The referee asks her if she wants to quit but Marie says no. She gets in the ring and uses the ropes to pull herself up. Lynn waits patiently until Marie is on her feet ...and nails her with a spear!

Jeremy Tucker: Lynn is going with everything here.

Andrew Fulton: Give Marie some credit, she’s not going to let Lynn get an easy win.

Lynn pulls Marie up and gets ready to deliver a Catatonic when a tall, dark figure appears and comes down to the ramp. He can be heard yelling at Lynn to not do it. She looks at him with a look of almost hatred but he says no, she doesn't deserve it. So Lynn gets Marie on her feet and then throws Marie into the ropes. Marie screams in pain but Lynn hits her with a power scoop slam and hooks the leg…

One…….

Two…….

Three!

Lynn stands up and the referee raises her hand. Lynn looks down at Marie who is in true pain, holding her knee. Lynn rolls out of the ring and looks at the man, then at Marie. She starts to make her way up the ramp where Pesci is seen, smiling. The man with Lynn isn't happy to see Pesci, but Pesci ignores him and pats Lynn on the back. The referee meanwhile is calling for some help for Marie.

Jeremy Tucker:That match was quick but intense and Marie is not doing well.

Andrew Fulton: Lynn might have caused some major damage, but who is the man who told her …..not to do it.

Jeremy Tucker: I am not sure, who is he?

Andrew Fulton: Given that Lynn only listens to two men…...I’m going to say that was Karnij. ***********

Jeremy Tucker: Wait ...as in ...how much more family does Lynn have?

Andrew Fulton: This is only the tip of the iceberg, but he is one guy who Lynn will rarely argue with. But never mind him, Pesci seems quite happy with what Lynn did. I wonder what was said when they went sailing.

Jeremy Tucker: Went sailing Do you have something in your ears? She was working!

Andrew Fulton: You don't really buy that do you?

[Jonnie Valentine]

It's The Society of the New Breed Christmas Special! 

Starring..."A Very Merry" Jonnie Valentine! 

And The Jonniettes! 

And Greg The Assistant! 

With Special Guests:

110% Syberus! 

Kilroy Evans! 

Marty Donovan! 

Tuxedo Mask! 

The Russian Assassin II!

("Jingle Bell Rock" by Hall and Oates plays at Jonnie's palatial estate in Palm Springs, California. The house is immaculately decked out in elegant, tasteful Christmas decor. "A Very Merry" Jonnie Valentine has now had a couple of those hot toddys, and is pouring himself a new one as The Russian Assassin II and 110% Syberus look on)


"A Very Merry" Jonnie Valentine: (slurring) And thass, what's wrong with today's booking... oh, hello. And welcome back. I am filled with Christmas Spirit. So I should pee soon...


[Doorbell rings]


Jonnie Valentine: Oh, who could that be?


[Jonnie Valentine walks over and opens the door and it's Ronnie the Merch Guy. They wait for the taped studio audience applause to die down]


Jonnie Valentine: Ronnie! Merry Christmas! 


Ronnie the Merch Guy: Hey, kid. Merry Christmas. I brought ya sumting. 


Jonnie Valentine: Wow, a Jonnie Valentine advent calender to put all your pills! It's great, I love it!  


Ronnie the Merch Guy: Well, I tink you're supposed to put chocolates in dare, but to each his own.  


Jonnie Valentine: This one's for demerol, this one's for molly, ooh, I can put a vicodin in here.


[Suddenly the door bell rings]


Jonnie Valentine: Why it's Tuxedo Mask! 


[The studio audience applauds. Tuxedo Mask walks in wearing a chef's hat and carrying a large soup pot with various tentacles sticking out]


Tuxedo Mask: I hope everybody's hungry!


[Laugh track pops]


Jonnie Valentine: What's cooking? 


Tuxedo Mask: I'm going to whip up some holiday classics, with a few personal twists. 


Jonnie Valentine: I had no idea you could cook! 


Tuxedo Mask: Oh I can't. I think we're about to all get violently ill.


Jonnie Valentine: (not listening while he finishes off a hot toddy) Sounds terrific. (hiccup)


[Door bell rings]


Jonnie Valentine: (drunkenly holds up a finger) One second. 


[Jonnie walks over and answers the door. Marty Donovan is dressed exactly the same as 110% Syberus in the Bing Crosby suit]


Marty Donovan: Hi, I thought I could come by and use your piano?


Jonnie Valentine: We already did the Bing Crosby thing. 


Marty Donovan: What? Did you do Little...


Jonnie Valentine: Drummer Boy? Yeah. Sorry. 


[Marty is pissed as they stand in the doorway awkwardly]


Jonnie Valentine: We could do Jingle Bells?


Marty Donovan: (pushes past Jonnie) I don't want to do fucking Jingle Bells. 


Jonnie Valentine: I'm sorry we... (Jonnie stares out the doorway) I don't believe it! 


[Jonnie contines to look out the doorway. The audience can't see who he's looking at. The music stops and The Russian Assassin II, Ronnie the Merch Guy, Greg the Assistant, and The Jonniettes all start staring at the same thing. 110% Syberus]


110% Syberus: Hello? What are we looking at then?


Tuxedo Mask: It's the big fat man himself! 


110% Syberus: Soutter?


[Santa Claus walks in to a thunderous applause from the fake audience]


Jonnie Valentine: Santa??


Santa Claus: Ho, ho, ho! That's right, Jonnie. 


 Jonnie Valentine: Kilroy??


[Kilroy Evans is feeding Santa's reindeer]


Kilroy Evans: Hey guys, Merry Christmas. 


Jonnie Valentine: Merry Christmas! 


Santa Claus: Now Jonnie. I've been looking for you everywhere, 


Jonnie Valentine: (rubbing hands together) Oh yeah?


Santa Claus: Yes, I've got something for you. 


Jonnie Valentine: (closes his eyes and puts his hands out) I can't wait


Santa Claus: It's a 4868 form from the IRS?


Jonnie Valentine: Oh. Sure. 


Santa Claus: Yeah, they need that filled out. 


Jonnie Valentine: Fine.  


Santa Claus: In triplicate. 


Jonnie Valentine: Got it. Did I get anything else?


Santa Claus: You can't be serious. (to the rest of The Society) And the rest of you...IF I SEE ANY OF YOU ON THE STREET, I WILL DOG WALK YOU! Do you understand? 


The Society of the New Breed: (murmuring) Yes...


Santa Claus: What was that? You have something in the back there?


Tuxedo Mask: No...


Santa Claus: What was that?


Tuxedo Mask: (louder) No,


[Santa Claus swings his sack over his shoulder. He flinches at Jonnie, who jumps back so far his back hits the wall]


Santa Claus: Thought so. Let's go Kilroy.


[Santa Claus leaves and gets back on his sleigh. He gives his team gave a whistle, and away they all flew, like the down of a thistle. But we heard him exclaim, as he drives out of sight]


Santa Claus: Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!


[The Society of the New Breed all stare out the window watching Santa fly away]


110% Syberus: I told you it was Happy Christmas. 


Tuxedo Mask: Wow. Never meet your heroes. 


Jonnie Valentine: I need to be better this year. It starts with winning the World Championship in Santa Claus, Indiana. The home of Christmas. That'll get me back in Santa's good graces. I have no idea how to do it yet. Suzie Spitz is unlike anyone I've faced. Everything she does looks like it hurts, and she's one of the most driven people I've seen in the ring. But I have one thing she doesn't. 


Tuxedo Mask: Health insurance. 


110% Syberus: Functional alcoholism. 


Marty Donovan: Crippling tax debt.


Ronnie the Merch Guy: An investigation into a fire at one of your sweat shops in Bangladesh? 


Jonnie Valentine: No, I...wait, what? Um, no. I've been here before. I've won titles from them all, big and small. I've won titles with a roll up and I've won them putting someone through a burning table. Georgia, Mid-South, Mid-Atlantic, Texas, New York, UWA, Canada, Australia, and Europe. I've been champion all over. And it's time again, Suzie. It's time to elevate SWAT. And the only way that happens is when you take a three second nap in Santa Claus. 


[Jonnie sits back in his easy chair, grabs another hot toddy]


Jonnie Valentine: It's nothing personal, Suze. Merry Christmas. Feliz Navidad. Mele Kalikimaka, and to a much lesser degree Happy Christmas. From all of us in The Society of the New Breed. 


[The Russian Assassin II, Ronnie the Merch Guy, 110% Syberus, Tuxedo Mask and Marty Donovan raise their glasses. They freeze until it gets awkward]


Ronnie the Merch Guy: (through clenched teeth) Isn't there usually some blow at deez tings?


Jonnie Valentine: (through clenched teeth) Wait for the production truck to leave, Ronnie. Jesus. 

[Trent Jones MR Bones.]

*******************************
Some Dive Bar in Indiana
*******************************
The shitiest hole in the wall bar can be seen. The parking lot was full of locals that all came in to drink the cheap drinks and escape their shit life. Old rusted out trucks and cars fill the parking lot. In walks Trent Jones with that sick smile on his face. His vest was on and under it was a SWAT t-shirt with the logo on the sleeves. His Killin it beanie was on his head. A fresh pair of jeans and a pocket full of paper. Trent Jones…. MR bones were ready to spread his seed. Trent Jones finds a seat at the bar and sits down, he orders a shot of Capitan and a draft beer. Trent slams down the shot and follows it up with the beer.

Trent Jones signals for another round as he looks over at the generic Christmas tree. Trent Jones quickly grabs the shot and slams it down and picks up his beer. Trent walks away from the bar after leaving a $50 on the bar. He walks over and leans on the wall as he watches some of the local “cowgirls” dance on the floor. Mr. Bones was looking for a release, he had to make sure he got it. He was ready to make one or seven of these ladies feel the Christmas Spirit. He was starting to get some attention as a girl in jeans and pink and black flannel made her way over towards him. She had her hair done up real cute and her pink lipstick made her lips look ever so kissable.

Trent quickly noticed this sexy country girl making her way towards him. Trent touched his beard as he smiled at her. She smiled back at him, “Can my Boyfriend and I get a picture with you Mr. Jones?” Damn that hurt to hear for Trent Jones it felt like a kick to the nuts.

Trent being the Professional… Well, being the man… well, let’s face it he didn’t want to fuck up his chances with any other slut in this bar responded, “Yeah sounds good where is he?” Trent just looked into her eyes, he wasn’t a huge country music fan but he couldn’t help think of that song about taking everything off except for her eyes. Trent watched as she waved over a cowboy looking {Mongo Edit: Nah we don't say that anymore} in skinny jeans and a belt buckle. That belt buckle was the size of some companies wrestling title belts.

Trent possed for the picture and this got him more attention from the bar. So he struck up a conversation with this fine piece of ass and her skinny jean wearing douchebag. He learned that she was an actual cowgirl who lived in Ohio. She was fine as fuck she had a great ass and in the back of his mind, he knew she would know how to ride. He was having a hard time listing to the guy talk… but then he seen her. A sexy girl almost as hot as this cowgirl from Ohio. She was sitting at the table all by her self. Trent pointed at the girl.

The boyfriend stopped talking and his girlfriend spoke up, “That’s my best friend her name is Molly she and her husband just split up.” Trent smilled he would love to be her rebound. “She is having a hard time but we talked her into coming with us for a holiday vacation.” Throughout this conversation, Trent got tired of hearing and wanted to talk to this chick.

Trent decided he could pretend to be a gentleman and he quickly made his way over to where Molly was sitting down. “Hello Molly, my name is Trent Jones. I just wanted to let you know that I have seen an angel today and I just had to introduce myself. I dont want to bother you or take away time from your friends. I just wanted to thank you for letting me introduce myself to you. I will never forget your beautiful face. Well, thanks again Molly.” Damn was he smooth as he walked back to the bar, Molly sat with her cheeks blushing. She didn’t even know what to say as her best friend and her best friend’s boyfriend both sat back down. Trent asked the bartender a question as the cameraman turns back to the table with Molly and Friends.

Molly still blushing, “Lacey, you said that he was a douchebag wrestler but he was just so nice to me. I wish Rob could have seen this he would be so jealous of what he has lost and to see this famous wrestler…”

Skinny jean cowboy, “Molly I am not sure he was being sincere with you…”

Lacey jumped in, “Derek, what the fuck, why would you say that. Trent Jones probably plays a character and his job is to make fans hate him.”

While Lacey and Derek go back and forth the waitress brings over a round of drinks for all three of them. Molly speaks up, “We didn’t order these?” The waitress pointed to Trent Jones and he purposely didn’t look up.

Trent Jones stepped outside to grab a tin of dip and to get fresh air and to escape the country music for a few minutes. He was enjoying playing the game. He seen a taxi pull up, he was worried for a minute that Molly would be leaving but instead some dude got out of the taxi. Trent second thought was bomb-bomb-Sheep lover driving the cab? Nope just some fat white guy.

Trent laughed at the idea that his opponent was a cab driver pretending to be a pro wrestler. He didn’t notice that tonight he was an asshole pretending to be a good guy. As he was turning to go back in Molly stepped out, she looked cold as soon as the night air hit.

“So Trent thanks for the round of drinks you didn’t need to do that, you are a really nice man.” Trent smiled at her as she touched his arm. For a minute he thought damn being a good guy felt good.

The battle in Trents head was going strong he wanted to bend her over the bench and give it to her but he wanted to make sure he scored all night long. Trent told her she was welcome and he touched her arm back as he opened the door, “You look cold and I would have for you to be sick on Christmas.”

Trent was feeling on top of the world he was better at acting like a good guy then Sandy Creampie was at being Champion. The fact was no one in SWAT could ever truly match up to the god-given strength and ability of Trent Jones. No not Duke the fed jumping flee. And it sure wasn’t the bomb-making jihad cab driver. “I am the greatest mother fucker ever she is going to want this dick.”

She turned back, “What was that?”

Trent stopped realizing he spoke without thinking. “I was saying that this is a great night and I dont want to see you sick.”

********************
The Hotel
********************

Trent had played his card right all night and luck was in his corner. He was staying at the same hotel as Molly, Lacey, and Derek. Derek Was trying to cock block him and called for a cab as Trent and Molly seemed to get closer. Lacey had warned her to be careful but was happy for Molly. Derek, on the other hand, thought maybe like most guys that this could be a 3-way opportunity. Derek got them in the cab Trent was pissed and jumped in his truck and pulled in just before the taxi. At the hotel, the girls saw Trent walking in. Molly smiled and pointed.

This is where Trent was able to bang both bitches while Derek watched tied to a chair. Molly and Lacey both knew how to ride a horse but Trent Jones would make those girls ride harder than ever…..








Nah just in his head. Trent Rolled in and went to the cooler near the counter and grabbed a beer and tossed some more money on the counter and made small talk with the counter worker. The trio walked in behind them and Molly walked over and touched Trent back she read the patch that says MR Bones on his jacket. “So why do they call you Mr. Bones?”

Trent starts to speak but remembers their a chance to save this. He holds her hand, “Mr. Bones is just a name I got because everyone said I was boneheaded.” that wasn’t the truth but she didn’t need to know it because he likes to fuck women. Trent really could see him and Molly going on to do this long term.

Molly spoke up, “So I was wondering if you had room for me to stay in your room tonight”

“Fuck Yeah” Trent was smiling from ear to ear and Derek was shaking his head pissed off. “I mean it would be nice to share my room. I currently only have a king-size bed want to see if we can switch it to 2 queens?” Trent Jones was trying to be a good guy but really he just wanted to park his pork pistol in molly holster.

Molly laughed and shook her head, “I am sure the King size bed will have plenty of room… your such a nice guy.”

Nice guy what a joke, Mr. Bones was going to push her guts out her mouth when he started tagging that ass. Trent was trying to decide what was going to be the position he wanted to try first. Trent giggled a little as he pictured a scene that would make a porn star blush. Molly and Trent Started towards the elevator and up to the room.

*********************
The Hotel Room
*********************

The next morning Trent Jones is sitting in a chair looking out the window as the sun is rising. He is sitting in his boxers and his vest as he puts in some fresh dip. He looks at Molly who is laying in the bed and he can’t help but smile. He knows she is in the top 3 hottest chicks he has ever had sex with. Last night was amazing almost as good as winning his match last week. Granted sex was way better then beating a guy up. But something about hearing his name announced and not in a courtroom was amazing.

Trent Jones Mr. Bones of the Graveyard Ryders could be Trent Jones in a committed relationship. No that was not going to be the life for Trent Jones. Trent Jones was a nomad his bike was his only full-time bitch. He couldn’t focus on a girl he had the paper to get. The paper to get means he had to win this match… the next one… and the next one. Trent looks at Molly and wants to climb back in, Instead, he writes his number down and he puts his pants on and heads out the door. He looks at her and says Merry Christmas.

F

UCK

U

I

AM

TRENT

“TJ” JONES 

AKA MR BONES

GRAVEYARD RYDERS

THE BEST OF THE TRASH

INSIDE

OF SWAT

********************
        AT THE ARENA
********************

At the arena for the show, Trent Jones is walking through the parking lot. It was pre-recorded before the show. He walks to the guy holding a clipboard. The man steps out of the way and lets Trent Jones past. Trent loves that the guy is scared he wants everyone to be scared. Those that are not scared should be extremely scared of what is coming for them. The roster needs to take notice of the new man in SWAT.

“Hey Bitches your daddy is here… TRENT FUCKING JONES MR BONES BITCHS IS IN THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!” Trent keeps walking through the arena and the dude lools ready to fight… “Sheep fucker where you at?” Trent looks in a locker room. “Bombmaker show your face… little terrorist where you be?” Trent walks down the hallway. He grabs a coffee pot that is set up on a table and pours a glass of shitty coffee. He takes a few more steps and he sips the coffee. He spits it back in the cup and tosses it against the wall.

“The fucking coffee is the second worst thing in this building. The worst is this fucking talent. I demand to face better talent… but I haven’t recruited anyone to come here so I guess just give me the title shot now and let me get on to my long run as champion. XHF will soon be paying me to be the face of this company.” Trent walks towards his locker room. He sees Warren Webber and Trent Smiles and nods at his pee wee herman homie.

[SWAT Team]

Jeremy Tucker : Welcome back folks, our next match up for the evening is Benjamin Bolt Vs Tuxedo Mask, both men currently in the ring, and the ref signalling for the bell to get this one under way.

Andrew Fulton : Tux fresh of the Society Xmas Special. What the hell was_that?

Jeremy Tucker : It was Christmas Joy and The Society do it like no others.

Andrew Fulton : You can say that again.

Jeremy Tucker : Big Ben Bolt lunges for Tux, but Tux ducks under his awkward grapple attempt and Enzuguri roundhouse kicks big Ben.

Andrew Fulton : Bolt staggers but holds his feet ... snap suplex from Tux!

Jeremy Tucker : Bolt getting to his feet, handspring hurrincanranna from Tux! He is a jumping Jack!

Andrew Fulton : Tux with a Acid drop bulldog. What a move!

Jeremy Tucker : Armbar ropewalk into a la majistral cradle ....

One .........

Two .............

Th ... Bolt breaks the cover.

Andrew Fulton : Valentine screaming encouragement to Tux from the outside.

Jeremy Tucker : What a team player, even with his World title match later tonight, he is still out here managing his troops.

Andrew Fulton : Tux with a Tuxbuster (cartwheel handspring into a Bronco buster). Bolt is seeing stars, and he is totally out matched by the speed of Tuxedo Mask here tonight.

Jeremy Tucker : Rosegarden piledriver (pumphandle spinning Juvi driver). This one is all but over.

Andrew Fulton : Tux heading to the top .... Corkscrew 450 splash!!!

Jeremy Tucker : MOONLIGHT WALTZ!!! (Double underhook sunset flip power bomb) TUX JUST NAILED BOLT WITH THE MOON LIGHT WALTZ!!! Tux with the cover, its just academic.

One .................

Two ..................

THREE!!!!!!

[Ref rcalls for the bell and ‘A Very Merry’ Jonnie Valentine jumps in the ring and raises the arm of Tuxedo Mask in victory as “Zerospace” by Kidneythieves blares thru the Santa Claus arena.]

Frank Salazar : WINNER OF THE MATCH .... TUXEDO MASK!!!

[edwarddubin0604]

Team Fairtex and their wives The Hired Killers are in their locker room with their weapons shining them up and smiling at them as they continue shining them up.)

Tong Fairtex: "Oh poor Satan's Disciples didn't you ever hear what a famous wrestler once said. He said 'Never use a slingshot against a robin with an Uzi.' Yet what do you idiots do. You bring a chainsaw and a shovel to a weapons match and you're so stupid you think we're going to be scared of them."

Phantam Fairtex: "Oh I guess they think this is a match where one team is buried after being chopped up with a chainsaw."

Jade: "Satan's Disciples you can bring a chainsaw. You can bring an ax or any simple weapon you want. Yet look at the weapons we're going tp bring into the ring."

(The Hired Killers hold up their high powered weapons smiling and holding them over their shoulders.)

Jade: "Now look at these cute weapons Lucifer and Doomsday. Envy us for these lovely toys Linda and Psychotic Goth. I have a high powered rifle and Kim has an AK-47 which can get off plenty of rounds off before you can activate a chainsaw. Oh and for your information Team SWAT Team Fairtex has these wonderful swords that are better at slicing and dicing than a chainsaw
can ever do."

Kim: "Now we have plenty more weapons for this match and we don't care what you or your friend Syberus thinks. We're coming with any and all weapons we can find to beat you. You wanted a weapons match we'll be more than happy to accept since you just love using those. We'll be happy to use weapons we all know and love and yet all you have is a chainsaw and a stupid shovel. Oh you sure need such simple weapons."

Phantam Fairtex: "Psychotic Goth we know you have such a wild imagination when it comes to weapons. Yet you aren't going to even have quite the weapons we have chosen for this match. The irony is you could have been part of something big. You could have been part of something huge but you decided to stick to the same old Psychotic Goth image. We've already moved on and look what's happened. The KGB is the hottest group in SWAT and all the XHF. What are you doing? Participating in an event that's not worth our time but hey that's your choice."

Tong Fairtex: "That takes us to Team SWAT's spokes blarney. Yeah 'UnLucky Linda La Fey we're referring to you. You had a great team in The Irish Bombshells and yet you undermined your team. imagine Avery could have won on her own but you decided to attack her by mistake."

Kim: "Costing Avery the championship that my sister Jade had at the time. Imagine Avery would have been champion if you hadn't interfered with her match with my sister."

Jade: "Imagine if Avery won and she faced Lynn Brewster for the championship. Avery would have won and faced Lynn and she would have been buried under all those insects that Radu Matei unleashed. Then her husband who shall not be named since he's been completely forgotten by our boss Soutter and especially by Pesci."

Tong Fairtex: "Who kept speaking in the first person and not in the overall grouping like in KGB. He forgot that when Soutter says something you do it or if Joe Pesci says something you also do it or face the consequences. Team SWAT you should have done the samething but you decided to interfere in our business and looks what has happened. You're going to be getting your asses kicked tonight and owe it to Syberus for giving in to your demands."

Phantam Fairtex: "That's right Syberus you're going to be responsible for whatever happens to Team SWAT. Just be glad it was one debacle and not and he's going to be responsible fro what happens to all four of you."

Tong Fairtex: "Now as for you Satan's Disciples you guys keep whining about your being cheated out of a victory. Now you'll get your chance to even the score if you can actually do so. No feet on the ropes. No technicalities and whatever you'll try to do to complain and bitch about your losing the match. Yet it's obvious you'll find a way to bitch and cry about wanting another shot at our titles. You think we're just making that up. Prove us wrong Lucifer and Doomsday if you can string something consistent and sensible to listen to that's worthy of our attention."

Phantam Fairtex: "Oh that's going to be so good to listen to and keep a straight face. Hell let's see if they can keep a safe face when it comes to them actually talking."

Jade: "Yeah and since we have business to attend to and we plan to be the last team standing."

Kim: "Like we always say 'You got the money. We got the time' and we have plenty to time to kill and tonight we're going to do to Team SWAT what we should have done a long time ago. Team KGB is going to be the dominant force tonight and Syberus will be responsible for all the embarrassment and shame brought upon you. KGB remains united and strong no matter what anyone thinks and says. Nothing is going to stop The KGB army and that means both you Team SWAT and New Society of the New Breed."

Tong Fairtex: "That's right Kim. KGB is a well oiled machine and we're the true excellence of wrestling and now we're all going to prove it. If any of Team SWAT doesn't like that then they're going to be screwed over. Live with it Team SWAT. Let's go. We're out of here."

(They leave as the scene slowly fades to black.)