Battleground 22 :The Best Show That SWAT Has Done Yet (Show)

[SWAT Team]

Nimbooda Nimbooda hits and Rajiv drives down to the ring in his taxi cab. He gets out and stands on the roof and poses for the fans then runs down the bonnet and sommersaults over the ropes into the ring.

Frank Salazar : The Following contest is scheduled for one fall ... introducing first, hailing from Mumbai, India. Coming in at 5’11 & 219lbs ..... RAJIV KHAN!!!

Rajiv Khan : (Grabbing the mic from Frank.) Namaskaar Santa Claus Indianna!

Crowd : Namaskaar


Rajiv Khan : So, i am set to face tonight the motor cycle riding redneck Mr Bones. We have all seen what you have had to say since your arrival here in the SWAT Mr Bones, and i have seen your type ever since i arrived in this great country driving your taxi mobiles.

You all run your mouth and treat us hard workers like rubbish, and i have seen and had enough of it!

I could not even bring my mascot and secondary transportation vehicle Sabu the elephant along tonight, as i have received threats on his life from the low liFes who follow Bones, or from him himself and he is too gutless to say it to mE face to face.

Tonight, i take out all of my pent up frustration with being racially abused and disrespected by your type out on your sorry ass Trent Jones.

The Arena lights dim as a Blue Light Shines down on the Entrance way. RIde to Live, Live to ride starts playing. Some Smoke starts coming out of the entrance ramp as Trent Jones Walks out with his dark black leather pants and his black leather vest. He holds up his right fist in the air and the light goes out. When the lights come back on Trent Jones is standing in the ring. Towering of Rajiv Khan looking down on him with contempt.

Rajiv Khan : You Sir, are a bully, and (he sniffs in disgust)you need a shower!

Jeremy Tucker : WHAM! Jones just decked Khan, what a right hand punch. I guess he had heard enough.

Andrew Fulton : As had I. He had that coming.

Jeremy Tucker : Jones stomps angrily on the head of Rajiv, Frank fleeing the ring.

Andrew Fulton : Trent Jones grabs Rajiv Khan by the throat now, and he is choking him, strangling him!

Jeremy Tucker : The man is out of control!

Andrew Fulton : Jones with a bear hug, squeezing the life out of Khan.

Jeremy Tucker : Rajiv tries to counter, with a head butt, but no effect and Jones snarls at him, and head butts him back ten times as hard, then runs him hard into the corner.

Andrew Fulton : Did you hear Trent’s comments Jerry earlier? He wants Kosloff and then, by the sounds of it, Suzi as well.

Jeremy Tucker : I certainly did, what a dinosaur he is, Suzi will eat him up and spit him out.

Andrew Fulton : He wants her to swallow not spit i think Jerry, that’s the issue.

Jeremy Tucker : He has a long way to go to get to that level here, he has to work his way up the ladder.

Andrew Fulton : Well, maybe, but look at him, he is a killer.

Jeremy Tucker : Jones with a spear on Khan. He covers.

One ..................

Two ......................

THR ... kick out by Khan. I can’t believe it!

Andrew Fulton : I CANT BELIEVE IT! Jones thought he was done for. He glares at the referee Joe Davola and grabs him roughly by the shirt.

Jeremy Tucker : DROP KICK by Khan! Rajiv Khan with a beautiful drop kick on Bones.

Andrew Fulton : Bones can’t believe it, he jumps to his feet, furious.

Jeremy Tucker : Khan runs off the ropes, slides under the legs of Jones and as TJ turns around, CODE BREAKER!!! Code Breaker by Rajiv Khan to Mr Bones Trent Jones!

Andrew Fulton : What the hell is going on here?

Jeremy Tucker : Rajiv Khan pumps his fist in the air, the crowd are going berserk, Jones up to his feet, fuming, goes for a HUGE clothesline ... Khan Matrix slides under it ... KRANE KICK!!

Andrew Fulton : Rajiv Khan with a Krane Kick to Trent Jones ... Jones is staggering, he looks to be seeing circles and wobbly, but didn’t go down ....

Jeremy Tucker : Khan signalling for the Indian (Canadian) Destroyer .... jumps up and lands it!!!! No!!! Jones holds on, he caught him ... hoists him up in the air ... . what a POWERBOMB!!!

Andrew Fulton : Was just a matter of time Jerry!

Jeremy Tucker : Jones swaggers around the ring, half shaking off the cobwebs, half flipping off and taunting the fans. Khan back on his feet, and WOW! He just ate a HUGE big boot from TJ!

Andrew Fulton : Jones roughly knee’s Rajiv in the head, then rams his head in his knee’s, hoists him and pile drives him hard into the mat!

Jeremy Tucker : This man Trent Jones Mr Bones, he has a bad streak in his bones.

Andrew Fulton : That’s what you need to make it to the top Jerry.

Jeremy Tucker : Look at Khan, he won’t stay down, he is crawling to his feet, MY GOD! SUPERMAN PUNCH from Jones! Spit and half of Khans jaw sling across the ring, Jones throws Raj to the corner and he throws three hard punches to the mid section and then drives a huge big boot to the face, he then locks in a sleeper hold as he wraps his legs around Raj’s mid section to help choke him out.

Andrew Fulton : Lights Out Mother Fer!!!

Jeremy Tucker : Indeed it is. Khan is out cold. Davola calls for the bell, and this one is all over. What a battle.

Andrew Fulton : Jones beat him to a pulp!

Jeremy Tucker : I am just receiving word folks, that on New Years Nightmare, Trent Jones will get his wish, and will be facing Duke Kosloff in singles competition.

Andrew Fulton : Then, it’s the World title for him Jerry! I can see it right now.

Jeremy Tucker : One step at a time my friend.

Frank Salazar : Winner of the match ... MR BONES .... TRENT JONES!!!!

[SWAT Team]

[Peel their caps back by Ice T hits as we switch back to the ring, there is a couch and a coffee table and the set of Suites Suite is in the ring. We see the Bandit Mobil heading to the ring, The Suit, Mad Dog Paul Soutter standing in the back of it with The Compton Colossal Bruno beside him, arms folded, muscles bulging and dark sunglasses on. The fans booing, some cheering and showing the KGB colors.].

[On the SWAT tron we see doctored footage of Tom Cruise jumping up and down on the couch imposed in the ring. Then more doctored footage showing Rick James/ Dave Shappelle on his back stamping his feet on the couch. FUCK_ YO_ COUCH. Now a shot of Heidi giving Suit a lap dance on the couch on the SWAT tron.]

Soutter : Welcome to SUITS SUITE!!!

Tonight, as i said earlier, my guest will be Lucky Linda La Fey. But, before that, i need to address something.

Snow Flake. You and I have been around and around and around, and now, right here tonight, we come to the end of the road. Falls Count Anywhere. Last Man Standing.

I gotta say, when you first showed up here, claiming to want to burn this place down and that you were coming for me, i thought, here we go, another chump yelling my name and blaming myself for their own actions and he will be gone in three weeks like all the rest from that world you come from.

Surprisingly, you have lasted a lot longer than that, and ... you have, i must admit, really stepped it up. So. You are Welcome. Being called out on your bs obviously didn’t sit well with you, and nor should it, you had two options, cry about it or man up and bring it, you have, i am happy to say, stood up in every way, and come at me like no other, every time i have knocked you down, you get back up and i dig that.

But tonight, it ends. Tonight, i will be the Last Man Standing!

Not because of anything you have not done. I can see, the world can see, you have brought it to me 100%!!! Sometimes in life though, trying your hardest, giving your all, it just isn’t enough. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, and how bad you want it, sometimes, the other person, they are just better than you.

I am the big Bad Bustling Bandit JACK!

The Mad Dog of Melbourne!

The Centre of Attention!

The Suit!

I am the Founder!

I got the Name to Entertain!

The Skill to Thrill!

I’m Loud and Proud and Well Endowed!

I WILL be the Last Man Standing, and i like it like that!!!

Linger hits and Lucky Linda La Fey makes her way out to the entrance way, she stands there, the crowd cheering, staring to the ring, then out behind her follow Psychotic Goth, Vampira, Satan’s Disciples, a masked woman and Frostbite. They head to the ring, Linda sits down on the couch with Suit, and Soutter looks uncomfortable, all the members of Team SWAT along the ropes, watching for any sign of the rest of the KGB. Frostbite has his eyes locked on Paul, and if looks could kill there may not be a Last Man Standing match later tonight.

Soutter : Well, this is quite the surprise, the invitation to appear on the Suite tonight was for you and you alone Lucky Linda.

Linda : We know, but frankly, we don’t trust you. I would have gladly came out here alone, but our Team, TEAM SWAT! They would not have a bar of that, to be sure, to be sure.

Soutter : (turns from Linda to Frostbite) Keep looking at me like that pal and we will go right now!

[Frostbite moves in towards Soutter and the rest of Team SWAT hold him back and he then calms himself and resumes his position on the ropes.]

Linda : Trust me Paul. You don’t want none of that.

Soutter : Is that so? You don’t know what the hell i want any of. Look around you girlie, this here is Suites Suite! This is the Big time! You want to make a name for yourself and come at the KGB! You must be insane.

Linda : Could be. If i am, it’s from sitting around here watching what you lot have done to this great federation. We love this place, but we are sick to our stomachs of the KGB getting in everyone’s business. Ruining our matches. A stand needed to be made, and we are making it!

Soutter : Making it at your demise and peril.

Linda : A price i and we are willing to pay, that is how far you lot have driven us.

Soutter : Oh, you will pay it, and much much more. We are THE KG Fn’ B!!! Your rag tag group of misfits in here you have assembled, none of them can hang with the Bandits. Team Fairtex! Joanne Canelli! TIMELESS!!

Linda : A grand team indeed.



Linda : Avery? Are you ...

Avery McCullen : SHUT UP! You dare to ask of my welfare? After chasing me around SWAT for the last 4 months?

Linda : Avery. That’s wrestling. You look unwell. What has happened?

Avery McCullen : What has happened? I’ll tell you what happened! My husband betrayed ME! Cost me my Amazons Championship to join HIS lot (glares hatred at Suit who smirks, enjoying the show and confrontation) only to then be brutally assaulted by them and put in a come at the ICU!

Soutter : That’s what you cop when you mess with the big boys. Take note Linda. You just put yourself in that firing line.

Linda : Stay out of this! Avery ...

Avery McCullen : (interrupting her) IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!!! You couldn’t let it go, could you! You had to hound me and hound me and hound me! Just to get your revenge ... and what, you think one silly three count in a Helloween cluster is revenge? No no NO!

Linda : Avery, we can talk about this later please, we are sort of in the middle of something here.

Avery reels back and slaps Linda right across the face, Linda dives at her and they start rolling around the ring, Team SWAT break them up, Soutter watching on amused.

Avery McCullen : You and me! New Years Nightmare! LOSER LEAVES SWAT!!!!

Linda : You gotta be kidding me! I’m in TEAM SWAT! As much as i’d love to send you packing from here for good .....

Linda stops, thinking on that and is glaring at Avery, and then at the crowd, they want her to fight Avery, she is torn, and looking from Avery, to the crowd to TEAM SWAT ... Team SWAT huddle with her, and have a group discussion, Soutter mock yawns and winks at Avery who glares pure hatred back at him

Linda : Avery! YOU’RE ON!!!

Soutter : What? You’re out of the War Games?

Linda : Yes. I am out of the War Games. With Team SWAT’s blessing. They have this covered, my point has been made regarding your actions and i stand by this team, but at New Years Nightmare, its Avery and I, LOSER LEAVES SWAT!!!

Soutter : (LAUGHS) One down, (looks around the rest of Team SWAT) 6 to go. Now, get the hell out of my ring. Snow flake, see you in a bit.

Fade with Suit and Frostbite glaring at each other, Avery and Linda also in a stare down.

[SWAT Team]

Jeremy Tucker: We are back, and up next, DRAMA is in action!

Andrew Fulton DRAMA has been obsessed as of late with bringing out the dark side of Buster Friendly. But tonight, he will be taking on TJ Zousa.

Jeremy Tucker: Not exactly the opponent he wanted, and I expect DRAMA to make short work of Zousa.

Frank Salazar : In the ring at this time …. TJ ZOUSA!



***POLITE APPLAUSE***



Frank Salazar : And his opponent….

Every light in the arena goes out, plunging the entire building into darkness. The opening strains of music gently float through the air. Spotlights bathe the entrance ramp in pulsing white and purple lights.







As the music picks up in speed, young men in feathery skirts and boas dance down the aisle, carrying baskets of flowers, which they toss down onto tje ground.







As the music intensifies, DRAMA emerges from the back, arm and arm with Miss Violet. The two flamboyant characters stand together, basking in the moment. DRAMA throws his arms to the sides, letting his elaborate robe be seen by all. He then takes a bow, arms swirling in a flourish as he stands back up and the two make their way to the ring, spotlights following them in the darkness.







The pair walk together up onto the ring apron. DRAMA holds the ropes open for Miss Violet, who steps inside followed by the mysterious man. He again showcases his robe, which his valet removes from him, as the two stand in the purple spotlight. DRAMA stands in the center of the ring and throws his arms up as the houselights come back on.



Frank Salazar :: DRAMA!!!



***DING DING***



Jeremy Tucker: Here we go, DRAMA in action and this should be interesting.

Andrew Fulton: It has been a while since we have seen DRAMA in a regular match, so let’s see what he can do here tonight against TJ Zousa.

[As the match begins, DRAMA races forward and hits Zousa with a knee lift to the gut, followed by a clubbing forearm across the back. Zousa arches his back in pain, and DRAMA grabs his head, dropping down with a neckbreaker.]

Jeremy Tucker: DRAMA wasting no time here, taking the fight to Zousa.

Andrew Fulton You know he wants to get this over with and go back to his quest to bring Beelzebozo out of Buster Friendly.

[DRAMA hits the ropes and comes crashing down with a knee drop across the forehead of Zousa, rolling forward and leaping into the air and following it up with an elbow drop to the chest.]

Jeremy Tucker: So far this has been all DRAMA.

Andrew Fulton Don’t count Zousa out just yet.

[DRAMA grabs a hold of Zousa and brings him to his feet. DRAMA backs up and takes his time, measuring his opponent. DRAMA goes for a super kick, but Souza covers up. However, DRAMA only faked the kick to the head, and instead hesitates and hits a thrust kick to the exposed gut, quickly followed up with a snap DDT.]

Jeremy Tucker: Mind games by DRAMA.

Andrew Fulton It is what the masked man excels at.

[DRAMA wraps his arms around Zousa and brings him up and down with a back drop driver. Zousa lays on the mat, his hands clutching his neck in pain.]

Jeremy Tucker: Zousa showing clear signs of injury.

Andrew Fulton DRAMA has been focusing on that neck, and we know he is looking to finish him off with his patented package piledriver, the devastating move he calls Kill Your Darlings.

[DRAMA grabs a hold of Zousa, getting him in position for the his finish, when every light in the arena goes out.]

Jeremy Tucker: What the heck is this?

Andrew Fulton Did Pesci forget to pay the electric bill again?

[The arena is plunged into darkness for several moments, before the sound of a record player being turned on is heard. The opening strains of the Celldweller remix of the “Halloween Theme” breaks the silence for a few seconds, before the sound of the needle scratching across the record is heard, then silence once again.]

Jeremy Tucker: I recognize that music, and it ain’t Michael Myers!

Andrew Fulton DRAMA, be careful what you wish for!

[The video screen clicks on, and there is an extreme close up of the painted clown face of Beelzebozo filling every inch of the screen.]

Beelzebozo : Hello, DRAMA. It seems you’ve been calling me out for the past few weeks. Well, Buster Friendly gave me your message and ……. Buster went away after that.

[Bozo takes a long sip of whiskey from a battered flask.]

Beelzebozo:: Buster spent a long time out in the world. He thought he had his demons beat. But you never really defeat them, do you. No matter how fast you run, you can never get out of reach of your past. Buster thought he was doing so well. And then he met you, DRAMA.

Beelzebozo : Or should I say …. Lester?

Yeah, you see Les, you thought you were a complete mystery. But with enough time, and enough motivation, and enough ……. Persuasion….. you can learn anything. So I know all about you, Lester. You and I…. we aren’t really that different. Both had a parent tragically taken from us at a young age. Both had natural athletic ability. Both grew up isolated in small towns, misunderstood. The only difference is, I was raised by a broken, abusive mother and the monster she married after my father’s death…and you…. You were loved. Supported. And you thrived. You are my What If? For lack of a better term.

But instead of understanding, instead of seeing in me a kindred spirit, somebody you could empathize and relate to, you saw somebody to mock and ridicule. You think you are so much better than me, DRAMA. You think what happened to me could have never happened to you. But I got news for you, Lester….what happened to me? It could happen to you.

It could happen to anybody.

All it takes….



Is ….

ONE…..

BAD….

DAY….

[Beelze takes another long swig of whiskey.]

Beelzebozo: And DRAMA? That One Bad Day?

IT’S TODAY!

[The lights go back on, and DRAMA is in the center of the ring, still staring at the screen. TJ Zousa is gone, but Beelzebozo is standing in the ring behind DRAMA, holding a large mallet in the shape of a clown face, the nose stretched out to serve as a handle.]

Jeremy Tucker: HE’S HERE! BEELZEBOZO IS HERE!

Andrew Fulton DRAMA HAS NO IDEA!

[DRAMA slowly turns around and Beelzebozo swings for the fences, SMASHING DRAMA in the face with the mallet.]

***HARDCORE POP!!!***

Jeremy Tucker: HE KILLED HIM!

Andrew Fulton DRAMA JUST GOT MURDERED ON TV!!!

[Miss Violet jumps onto the ring apron, and Beelzebozo hauls off and slams her in the face with the mallet, knocking her out cold and sending her crashing to the ground.]

***MASSIVE WOMAN BEATING HEAT***

Jeremy Tucker: NO! THAT SICK SON OF A BITCH!

Andrew Fulton DRAMA brought this on himself!

[Beelzebozo reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out two pairs of handcuffs, which he uses to cuff DRAMA to the ropes. He then slides out of the ring and goes underneath, grabbing his huge trademark Sack and bringing it back into the ring.]

Jeremy Tucker: What does this sadistic monster have in mind now?

Andrew Fulton I don’t know, but I wouldn’t want to be DRAMA right now.

[Beelze goes over to DRAMA, lightly slapping him in the face to wake him up. He grabs a hold of the mask and rips it off, tossing it to side.]

Jeremy Tucker: DRAMA unmasked!

Andrew Fulton Apparently, Beelzebozo knows who he is.

[DRAMA comes to, slowly realizing he is helpless and unmasked. He struggles against the cuffs, but he is going nowhere. Beelzebozo grabs a microphone from ringside and talks to his captive.]

Beelzebozo: Lester, Lester, Lester. DRAMA was so important to you, wasn’t he? This mask was who you wanted to be. The shy, timid, small town boy could slip on this mask and become the flamboyant villain superstar. Well, Lester…..DRAMA is dead.

[Beelzebozo takes out a pair of scissors and cuts the mask up, tossing the tattered remains onto DRAMA’s head.]

Beelzebozo: But that’s not all.

[Beelzebozo reaches into the Sack, pulling out a large trophy.]

Beelzebozo: This trophy you won for football in high school. All State quarterback. No more.

[Beelze puts the trophy on the mat, then smashes it to pieces with the mallet.]

Jeremy Tucker: This is hard to watch.

Andrew Fulton You have to believe DRAMA had no idea what Beelzebozo was capable of.

[Beelze reaches into the sack again, taking out several pieces of paper.]

Beelzebozo: This letter from your aunt, written to you after you were accepted to university on a scholarship. Such a touching letter. She goes on and on about how proud she was of you, and how proud your dead mother would have been, if she had seen the man you had become. I would have cried when I read this if I had a heart.

[Beelzebozo tears the letter to shreds, tossing the scraps into the air like ticker tape.]

Beelzebozo: I hope you committed that letter to memory, because it is gone now. Forever!

[DRAMA struggles to break free, but the handcuffs stay intact against his thrashing.]

Beelzebozo: You have led such a blessed life, Lester. Your father was so proud of you. You were a lot like him. He was a star athlete in high school, too. In fact, when you first made varsity, he gave you something….

[Bozo reaches into the sack once again, pulling out another treasure from DRAMA’s life.]

Beelzebozo: Look at this, it’s the Varsity jacket that your own father wore! He handed it down to you like it was a family heirloom! My God, he was proud of you for following in your footsteps. And the jacket fit you perfectly, didn’t it?

[Beelze rips the old jacket to shreds, tossing the tattered remains onto DRAMA.]

Beelzebozo: See how it fits now, bitch!

Jeremy Tucker: Don’t we have security? Somebody stop this!

Andrew Fulton What for, this is brilliant! Beelze back to his best!

Beelzebozo: Your dad loved you so much, Lester. And your aunt….your aunt, she did what she could. But nothing can replace a mother’s love. You were so young when she died in that accident. You didn’t know you would never see her again. Nobody did. You were just a baby when she died.

[Beelze reaches into the Sack, pulling out the last item.]

Beelzebozo: You all thought you had so much time. But life goes so fast. And all you have left of her is this picture.

[DRAMA struggles against his restraints, kicking in Beelze’s direction, to no avail.]

Beelzebozo: Can you imagine that? A mother only having ONE picture of her and her infant son? How is that possible? Only one, fragile reminder that you two ever existed in the same place.

[Beelzebozo looks at the picture for an uncomfortably long time.]

Beelzebozo: There is something about a mother looking at her child. So much love shines through. It really does make them glow. Look at your mother, Lester. She really was an attractive woman.]

[Beelzebozo reaches into his pocket and pulls out his infamous Zippo lighter with the words “FUCK COMMUNISM” engraved on the side.]

Beelzebozo: She’s about to get a whole lot hotter!

[Beelze flicks the lighter on and sets the picture on fire. The old photograph burns up as DRAMA struggles for all he’s worth to free himself.]

Beelzebozo: Think about how you feel right now, Lester. You just lost everything. Your whole life, torn apart right before your eyes. That pain you feel…..I know it intimately. It was a fire that changed my life, just like this fire has forever altered yours. Look at you. You are broken. Lost. Confused. Enraged. A man in your condition….he could easily break. Our mental health is so fragile, Lester.

[Beelze reaches down and takes the ashes, smearing them on his own face.]

Beelzebozo: We both had similar tragedies early on in life. But you found support, and love, and understanding. You had guidance. You had hope. And me? Well, I didn’t. I had abuse, and pain, and torment. And it built and it built and it built. Until one day….one day was just too much and Buster Friendly went away, replaced by Beelzebozo. But he was gone, Lester! He was gone! Buster came back! But you couldn’t leave well enough alone. You had to awaken the Devil. Because you thought I would bring out the best in you. But the opposite is true. I brought out the worst. You know now, DRAMA. You know what it’s like. This, my friend, has been your own ONE BAD DAY!

[Beelze takes another swing with the mallet, knocking DRAMA for a loop.]

Jeremy Tucker: What is the point of all this?

Andrew Fulton Fun Jerry, it’s fun.!

[Tucker looks at Fulton like he is a imbecile. Security finally rushes down to the ring, and Beezebozo slides out of the ring, mic still in hand. As the security guards try to free DRAMA, Beelze walks backwards towards the back. He raises the mic to his lips and talks one last time.]

Beelzebozo: You wanted Beelzebozo….YOU GOT HIM! Lester, you name the time and place and we will finish this. DRAMA versus Beelzebozo…… DEVIL’S FUNHOUSE MATCH!

[Beelzebozo throws the mic to the ground and goes through the curtain as security tries to free DRAMA.]

Jeremy Tucker: We need to take a break while we restore order. This is a disgusting display.

Andrew Fulton And what in the world is a Devil’s Funhouse match?

[Jonnie Valentine]

[Open on Dancing with the Stars. "A Very Merry" Jonnie Valentine and his dance partner Svetlana Kadyrov have just finished their cha cha to the tune of "Fernando" by Abba. Jonnie and Svetlana are breathing heavily]


Carrie Ann Inaba: First of all, I want to thank Svetlana for that beautiful opening video about her native Chechnya. I hope that this brings awareness to the human rights abuses by Russia to your people, or as you would say: "Otpustite ikh!!"


[Crowd applauds wildly, while Svetlana nods in appreciation. A shot cuts to The Russian Assassin II sitting in the audience who just mouths "What the fuck?" and then folds his arms, pouting]


Carrie Ann Inaba: Now, Jonnie alot of what you did there, wasn't even dancing. Why did you hit me?  


"A Very Merry" Jonnie Valentine: (panting) Yeah...sorry...I...thought you....thought you were someone else. 


Len Goodman: I'm sorry, I'm a bit confused. At one point, you just humped a teddy bear for 3 minutes? We had to recue the song.  


Jonnie Valentine: (completely out of breath) Yeah, that was...that was a reference to my old buddy from the neighborhood...Billy McNally...and his...his Mom. Billy!! That was for you, buddy! I know he's watching. With his wife and kids...


Bruno Tonioli: You! You took Keifer Southerland's scarf and flossed your groin with it! You were Smurfing there for a while. Did you rehearse that?


Jonnie Valentine: Not at all. 


Bruno Tonioli: At one point, you even left the studio! 


Jonnie Valentine: I had to take a call.  


Bruno Tonioli: Marvelous! This is exactly what dance is about...(is drowned out by the deafening crowd noise from the studio audience)


[Cut to close up of Jonnie and Svetlana nodding, while holding back tears. They both hold one another's hand in solidarity] 


Bruno Tonioli: This is exactly what dance is about. Rebellion! Passion! Sequins! I have seen better...but not many. 


[Audience applauds as Jonnie mouths "Thank you."] 


Tom Bergeron: Well Jonnie, Svetlana. You've heard from the judges. You've got a lot of competition. Gronk and Stacy are safe this week. But you two are on the bubble, along with Hodor and Grace, along with Megyn Kelly and Rocco. How good do you feel about your chances this week?


Svetlana: (panting in heavy Chechen accent) Is pretty good. I think with challenges we face, like how I could not find Jonnie for most of week, we do pretty nice. I know my family is probably watching right now. Boiling rats. Huddled around the town television. Let me tell them, "Pust' snaypery budut p'yany i skuchayut po tebe segodnya." Or in English, "May the snipers be drunk and miss you today!" Save a boiled rat for Svetlana!! 


[Audience warmly applauds. The Russian Assassin II gets up and leaves]


Tom Bergeron: Jonnie, what about you?


Jonnie Valentine: Pretty good, Tom. I've hit the gym and am in the best shape of my life. I'm only doing the drugs that make you not hungry, so I'm lean and mean. Tux and Syb have been working with me in the ring, playing Suzi Spitz and doing all her signature holds so I can learn their counters. Periodically, Marty slides into the ring and smashes me with a chair to get me used to run-ins...I guess, we're not quite sure why he keeps doing that. But it's all preparing me for my main event World title match in Santa Claus, Indiana. The place where I will cement my legacy as "Easily The Greatest Wrestler Ever". 


Tom Bergeron: No, I mean, how do you feel about your chances this week in this competition.    


Jonnie Valentine: Oh, not good, Tommy Boy. Not good.  


Tom Bergeron: Alright. Let's go to our judges. Carrie Ann Inaba?


Carrie Ann Inaba: (holds up card) 2! 


Tom Bergeron: Len Goodman? 


Len Goodman: (holds up card)1!  


Tom Bergeron:  Bruno Tonioli! 


Bruno Tonioli: (holds up card)  Two centurions kissing! 


Tom Bergeron: There you go, Jonnie and Svetlana. That score eliminates you from the competition. How do you feel about how you did this season? 


Jonnie Valentine: (hands on his hips) Ya know, pretty good. I think that first week was a little bumpy when I got the DUI. But I battled back. I persevered. I caught a little bit of luck when someone slammed that guy from Bachelorette's hand in his trunk. God was on my side there, I guess. But it's like my father Jonathan Valentine Sr. once told me, "Son, just do the bare minimum that's expected, and hope no one notices." 


[Studio audience wipes away some tears and gives him another loud ovation. Jonnie points up to the heavens]


Jonnie Valentine: But I just did this for fun. And that's what I had here. That and substantially increase my merchandise sales this quarter.  


Tom Bergeron: Svetlana?


Svetlana: My family. They will be tortured by government for my failure.  


Tom Bergeron: But did you have fun?


Svetlana: Oh yes. I will return next year if I am not kneecapped by secret police.  


Tom Bergeron: That's the spirit. Coming up, the bald guy from Shark Tank will attempt a meringue! Not for the faint of heart. We'll be right back. 


["I Like The Way You Move" plays as Jonnie kiddingly does shoot kick dance, then laughs it off as the shot fades to a Tide commerical] 

[SWAT Team]

Jeremy Tucker : Here we go folks! Travis Daniels v Brein O Thomas. Which should see’s the debut in SWAT of Wrestling Veteran Travis Daniels.

Andrew Fulton : Well we will see what both these men have as both men are face to face and literally nose to nose as Travis slaps B.O.T in the face and pushes him down to the mat. Showing his dominance early in the match. So Jerry as we are watching and calling this match what you think about the card tonight?


Jeremy Tucker : It shaping up to be a hell of an event, Jonnie going for the gold against Suzi and three huge matches, Timeless defending the Hardcore Title against Syb, Radu Matei duking it out with Cobryn and Frostbite and The Mad dog of Melbourne settling their blood fued once and for all. Travis stands up and looks on to Brein. And BAM Superkick out of no where. And Travis is trying to end this early and covers Brein.


REF COUNTS:


1




2


KICK OUT...

Andrew Fulton : Wow that was close. Travis nearly pulled off a victory out of no where. Travis is stalking Brein and waiting for him to stand and as he does he bounces off the ropes and nails a clothesline. and Brein stands up..


Jeremy Tucker : Travis with crazy strength and powerslams Brein to the mat. Travis awaits Brein to get up and tries another Superkick but is ducked and Brein nails a back elbow to the jaw of Travis and Brein heads to the middle ropes and lands a middle rope clothesline. B.O.T moonwalks around the ring and break dances. Travis stands right up and waits for Brein to turn around.

Andrew Fulton : I know what this is and he lands the Travisphere. Springboard Roundhouse kick to the face and drops Brein. And Travis covers Brein.


REF COUNTS:


1




2




KICKS OUT...


Jeremy Tucker : Brein kicks out of the roundhouse kick dropping him like a ton of bricks. Brein slowly gets up and Travis grabs his throat and Brein counters and rolls up Travis for the pin.


REF COUNTS:


1


KICK OUT...


Andrew Fulton : Travis again is up and Brein turns around and BAMMMM another Superkick from Daniels. Travis lifts him up and Piledriver to the middle of the mat.

Jeremy Tucker : Travis is calling it out and takes Brein and sets him up and nails his move called The Travisty Driver aka Small Package Driver and Brein not moving now. And Travis covers for the pin.


REF COUNTS:


1






2








3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Andrew Fulton : It is over. Travis in a dominating fashion defeats Brein O Thomas...


BELL RINGS: DING DING DING




Jeremy Tucker : I am impressed with these matches tonight. Travis could be a tough one down the road.


Frank Salazar WINNER OF MATCH BY PINFALL TRAVIS DANIELSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Andrew Fulton : Well we will see what the future holds for Travis and Brein and see what happens.

[tuxbang]

[Scene opens up to Tuxedo Mask backstage. He's wearing his casual street clothes and walking through the corridor when he sees the buffet table. He finger guns it to demonstrate approval, then makes his way towards the table. Also at the table is "A Very Merry" Jonnie Valentine, who is currently at work constructing a miniature tower of crackers and cheese.]

Tuxedo Mask: You know, in some regions of Japan, we'd replace the cheese with some salted fish and wash it down with a cold coffee. It's basically college food, cheap and easy.

"A Very Merry" Jonnie Valentine: Speaking of cheap and easy, I'm prepping for my match with Suzie later tonight. You're a chef of sorts, right? Like, you haven't been indicted for criminal negligence as far as I know, yeah? What food do you recommend as part of a pre-match carboloading? I don't wanna get fat but this is no time for Atkin's.

Tuxedo Mask: Well the first thing I wou- why are you putting that in your mouth before I even answered?

"A Very Merry" Jonnie Valentine: Free is free. And tax free is even better.

Tuxedo Mask: I'm just content that the long tradition of buffet tables at wrestling events is still a thing. Although Hardkore Dane County advertised it in the billing but really all it was was a fat guy bringing Taco Bell from across the street. Yeah, I remember that night, Bobby Nowa ate too much and shit himself during a piledriver. I'd always suspected that he was just using fast food as an excuse and he had always had a thing for public defecation but even if I could prove it, I don't really want to be that involved in that particular highlight reel.



Tuxedo Mask: One benefit of working those early matches is all the free time afterwards. It's convenient walking in, exploding a guy and then I have the rest of the night. By the way, who was that guy, Ben Bolt?

[Jonnie stops chewing, realizes he was asked a question, shrugs, then goes back to eating.]

Tuxedo Mask: It's not glamorous work but at least he made my night easy. Think I'm gonna go watch some Witcher on Netflix. I wanna get my voice like that! I've been practicing saying "hmm" all day.

"A Very Merry" Jonnie Valentine: Yo, waaw yoo fink yor dwin?

[Tux is confused. Jonnie swallows his crackers and cheese, then clears his throat.]

"A Very Merry" Jonnie Valentine: What do you think you're doing? You're here as a wrestler, but you're not here to wrestle. Get out there and sling these branded Santa hats, this is the prime opportunity for that! I even got you one of those giant foam fingers to wave around. It's not for sale, unless it is. Don't let it go for less than $15. I got it from Siberius' closet and he doesn't know it yet but that's alright.

Tuxedo Mask: What? I make more money winning matches than anything else?

"A Very Merry" Jonnie Valentine: Yeah, and then I get a cut and then I make even more off the merch. God, this is wrestling business 101, I don't need to explain this rookie shit to you. Now get out there and make this Christmas profitable!

[Jonnie walks away. Tux rubs his forehead and examines the merch pile Jonnie had mentioned.]

Tuxedo Mask: Ah well. Sorry Ben, thanks for everything.

[Tux pops a slice of meat into his mouth and picks up a pile of tshirts.  Fade.]

[SWAT Team]

Jeremy Tucker : Here we go as we got Duke Kosloff the Russian Nightmare v Brian Acres a man who has been here a while in SWAT.

Andrew Fulton : Yes he may been here a while and has gone no where and hopes he does something tonight. One of the worst win loss records ... reorded. As we are off and out of no where a spear from Kosloff to Acres. and Duke Kosloff stands up and starts kicking and stomping away at Acres.

Jeremy Tucker : I do not think Duke Kosloff cares about anyone. Duke takes his time and stands up Acres after that devastating spear and delivers a sidewalk slam to the mat on Acres. Acres tries to get up and as he does Duke lifts up Acres and delivers a pumphandle slam to the mat and covers Acres early. I wonder if that is a good idea.


REF COUNTS:


1






2


KICK OUT..

Andrew Fulton : No as Acres kicks out of the pin. Acres is standing up and finally see’s offense as he clotheslines Duke and Duke nips up and laughs away at Acres.

Jeremy Tucker : I think Acres in trouble. As Duke lands a big boot to the face of Acres and Acres is still standing and Duke bounces off the ropes and Nails a Clothesline from Hell. Damn that turned Acres inside out and his life won't be the same after that brutal clothesline.

Andrew Fulton : No I do not think so either. Well as Acres is not moving Kosloff takes him and puts on The Nightmare Grip aka Crippler cross face. And will Acres tap out to this submission. One of Kosloff's signiture moves here what will Acres do. Acres is screaming and riving in pain.

Jeremy Tucker : Look Acres rolls Kosloff into a pinning predicament.


REF COUNTS-


1




KICK OUT..

Andrew Fulton : Acres tried for a sneaky pin there on Kosloff, thwarting his own dominance in that submission. And As Acres gets up. Kosloff Kicks Acres in the head. Good God this Kosloff is scary.

Jeremy Tucker : Kosloff is not happy and sends Acres off the ropes to a big back body drop. And the height of that was sickening.

Andrew Fulton : Man now I am seeing why he is called the Russian Nightmare. And Kosloff says its over and dragging Acres to the ropes as Kosloff is headed for the top rope. And he is bringing Acres with him.

Jeremy Tucker : This is what Kosloff is calling his finisher if he hits this The Killing Spree. He takes up Acres to the top rope.

Andrew Fulton : Oh lord this is going to be nasty. This may end Acres career.

Jeremy Tucker : And he is up and got Acres all the way up and spinning off the top rope Powerbomb. Holy Shit.

Andrew Fulton : Acres is out and not even moving and the referee is checking on Acres as Kosloff is covering Acres now for the pin.


REF COUNTS:


1




2




3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


BELL RINGS: DING DING DING




Jeremy Tucker : Yes that Killing Spree Powerbomb off the top rope and spinning as he did it. I have never seen a move perfected when two men on a top rope trying to get that done. And The Russian Nightmare in dominant form tonight.

Andrew Fulton : His career is looking bright.

Frank Salazar : WINNER OF THIS MATCH BY PINFALL THE RUSSIAN NIGHTMARE DUKE KOSLOFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

[frostbite]

Back in the locker room, we see Frostbite sitting on a bench, lacing up his black boots. After doing so, he reaches down into his blue bag as he grabs some black tape as he slowly takes them out making sure he gets it just right. He sticks the tape in his mouth to finish by tearing off the final piece as he drops the tape back into his bag. He bangs his fist together as he goes his head as he feels rather comfortable. He stands up as he places his right boot on the bench as the camera zooms in and notices that they are steel toe. He places his foot back on the floor as he bangs it up against the locker until he puts a dent in the locker right in front of him. He slides on his blue tee shirt as he looks right into the camera with an intense look in his blue eyes.
.
Frostbite.. Paul, it is close to that time. Falls count anywhere, last man standing. There is no where to run and well the KGB can not save your fat ass tonight. My buddies Doomsday and Lucifer are going to make sure that your boys do not stick there noise in my business. Paul can you imagine what I can do to you. The things that run through my twisted mind. The sick things I have in store for you. I can use anything that I want to on your ass tonight.

Frostbite bangs his fist together.

Frostbite.. All the bad things that you said about me this past year will be running through my mind as I continue to pound on every inch of your worthless ass. You believe that I am a loser, well tonight this so called loser will make you out to be such. Paul the truth is quite frankly I have more talent in my pinkie than you ever had in whole fat body. You wish you had the career that I had and still having. That sticks in your crawl that I am way better than you ever will be. Sure you are going to bring up the fact that you might have a fluke win over me and I am full of crap. Paul it is you, who is full of crap.

Frostbite shakes his head.

Frostbite.. You have made this company out to be some joke. I know Packer is looking down from above and probably spitting on you. But Packer has nothing to worry about because I am going to hurt you. I am going to beat some respect into you Paul. I want the SWAT locker to watch as I am doing this for you. Everytime I connect with a shot to Paul fat ass, it will be all for you. Paul has screwed you and me over far too long. Tonight is the beginning of the end of the KGB reign around here. Paul, you may not make it to war games. I am sure you are going to do anything within your power to make sure that might happen to me as well.

A smirk cones across his lips.

Frostbite.. I want the KGB look with fear in their eyes when their boss is getting beat within an inch of his life because that is what is in store for you at war games. Paul, I told you that I am glad that Sybrus has an ambulance on standby because I just might let you relive a moment in time when I kidnapped you and took you to that warehouse and beat your ass. But you know I might have something even better in mind for you. Earlier in the day, Syberus hooked me up with a local cemetery here, and he found a couple of fine gentlemen and they have dug a grave. I am thinking about taking that ambulance and putting you in the back of it. I am going to the your ass down on that stretcher take you there. Wheel you out, and dump you in that hole. Take a shovel and pout dirt over you. If you try to climb out I will take that shovel and best you over the head with it, until you are actually well six feet under.

Frostbite throws rights and lefts toward the camera.

Frostbite.. Paul, after I put you down for that ten count. I am going to come back to this arena. And I promise you I will burn this bitch straight to the ground and after I do so, then at War Games, Team SWAT is going to finally put the nail in the coffin. The KGB will be no more and something new will rise from the ashes. A new force, and that will be..

He pauses, as he points to himself..

Frostbite.. This will be simply become the only fucking show. Be ready you fat bastard because your word begins to crumble.

Frostbite walks away.

[SWAT Team]

Jeremy Tucker: Let's head up to the ring for tonights big 8 man match, this should be a good one.

Andrew Fulton: I am still trying to figure out how did Syberus getting the booking rights for this card. This match does not make any sense to me. The man is simply trying to get the KGB taken out. A weapons match.

Jeremy Tucker: Judge Judy declared it, she was on side with Suit before Mr Pesci riled her up in that My Cousin Vinny get up. I believe the KGB can handle themselves in this match. After all Team Fairtex are the tag team champions and the Hired Killers are capable of using as many weapons as they need to. They would do it if weapons were not involved to win a match.

Andrew Fulton: And giving Goth with his sick and twisted mind is fair. Doomsday and Lucifer do not need one just because of alone. Lucky Linda is in a foul mood, and you think this is fair.

Jeremy Tucker: Paul would not have done the same thing.

Andrew Fulton: I told you, Paul is a fair man, he would not put the KGB in this spot, not right before war games.

Jeremy Tucker: So you are worried they will be softened up before war games and then really get the beating they deserve.

Andrew Fulton: This is just not right. Syberus will get what is coming to him. KGB will win this encounter and beat Team SWAT at war games.

Jeremy Tucker: While we sit here and bicker about what is right or wrong everybody is in the ring.

Andrew Fulton: By teams discussing something. It appears that Lucky Linda and Kim will start out for their teams.

The bell sounds..

Jeremy Tucker: The two ladies circle each other.. But both ladies drop to the floor as they both look underneath the ring and each grab a mando stick as each slide back into the ring. The two go at each other as they both connect with a shot to the other ribs. They continue to do so for a few minutes as neither woman is giving an inch.

Andrew Fulton: Kim kicks her right in Lucky Linda’s gut as she goes in behind and begins to choke her. Lucky Linda flips her over, and as she does, Kim races back toward her but she gets caught with an exploder suplex. Lucky Linda stands over her and connects with shot after shot across her chest.

Jeremy Tucker: She drops back to the floor as she looks back underneath the ring and grabs a chair and slides back into the ring. She lifts it up as she is about to come down but Kim moves at the last second. Kim gets to her feet as she clips Linda from behind. Linda drops the chair as Kim connects with a ddt on the chair. She goes for the quick cover.

1



2




Andrew Fulton: She kicks out. She grabs the chair as she connects with shots across her back. She pulls her to her feet and picks her up and connects with a snap suplex right onto the chair. She drops back to the floor and pulls out a trash can lid. She rolls back into the ring. She raises the lid, but Linda rolls out of the way, before taking the blow. Linda gets to her feet and connects with a round house kick right to Kim’s skull.

Jeremy Tucker: Lucky Linda places her leg over the trash can lid and comes down right across Kim’s face. She goes for the cover.

1


2



Andrew Fulton: She kicks out. Lucky Linda makes the tag into Doomsday, as Kim makes the tag into Phantam. He quickly grabs a chair that is already placed in the ring. Doomsday reaches down and grabs the kendo stick but decides to throw it to the ground, telling Phantam to just bring it.

Jeremy Tucker: Phantam races at him, but in the meantime, Doomsday gets up a big boot that pushes the chair back in his face. Doomsday grabs the chair as he puts it behind his back and connects with a senton splash right across Phantam’s chest. Doomsday tosses the chair to the floor, as he goes for the shovel.

Andrew Fulton: He rolls back into the ring with it, as he picks it high over his head, but Phantam moves at the last minute. Doomsday continues to go after him but Phantam connects with a stunner knocking the big man back. Phantam kicks Doomsday in his knee, as he grabs the shovel from him and uses it right across his back bringing the big man down to his knees. He raises it up and drives a shot right in the upper part of his back. Phantam drives a couple more shots using that shovel. He goes for the pin.

1
2

Jeremy Tucker: Doomsday kicks out. Phantam makes a tag to Tong. Tong drops to the floor first as he goes underneath the ring and pulls a bag as he rolls into the ring, he opens up the bag and thumbtacks fall out of them. He pulls Doomsday to his feet. He whips Doomsday into the ropes, as he tries for a spinebuster, Doomsday is able to block it. He quickly picks up Tong and connects with a running Powerslam on the thumbtacks.

Andrew Fulton: He makes a tag into Lucifer. Lucifer reaches to the floor, as grabs his pitchfork. Lucifer goes over to Tong and digs it right into his forehead. Lucifer then pounds away at Tong’s head. He pulls him to his feet as he whips him into the ropes and connects with a massive Powerslam right onto those thumbtacks as Lucifer goes in go for the cover.

1


2




Jeremy Tucker: Tong kicks out. He pulls Tong to his feet as but Tong reaches into his tights and throws what looks like powder right in Lucifer eyes. Tong pulls Lucifer to his feet as he picks him up and powerbombs him right onto a chair that is in the ring. He pulls him back to his feet, and powerbomb him again right onto the thumbtacks. Tong goes for the cover.

1


2



Andrew Fulton: Lucifer kicks out. Tong tags in Jade, she has a leather strap in hand as she gets into the ring, she whips Lucifer over his back a few times. She reaches down and grabs his pitchfork and digs it right into his skull. She then takes her leather strap and chokes Lucifer with it. She pulls back on it as his eyes begin to budge in the back of his head. She Let's go of the hold. She spots the shovel in the ring as she goes right after Lucifer who has gotten to one knee, Jade is about to swing it, Lucifer grabs her by the throat as she picks her up and Chokeslams her right on the thumbtacks. He pulls her by the throat ad he picks her and chokeslams her right onto a chair in the ring. He makes a tag into Goth.

Jeremy Tucker: Goth drops to the floor and goes underneath the ring as he looks for something and finds a barbed wire baseball bat. He slides back into the ring, as he connects right across the back of Jade. She rolls around the ring in pain. Goth measures her as he is about to swing for the fences but Kim races into the ring and low blows Goth, as he drops the bat. She races back out the ring as Jade makes the tag. Kim picks up the bat as he is about to connect with it, but Lucky Linda races into the ring and catches her with a clothesline.

Andrew Fulton: Here comes Team Fairtex and Satan Disciples into the ring and all hell is breaking loose. Linda and Jade are on the floor. Kim spots the barbed wire bat as she gets ready to connect, but Goth reaches into his tights and throw salt right into her eyes. Goth grabs the bat and connects with a shot to her head. Goth pucks her up and connects with the GTR right onto the thumbtacks still in the ring, He goes for the cover.

1

2

3

Frank Salazar.. The winners of the match Lucky Linda, Psychotic Goth and Satan Disciples.


Jeremy Tucker: A good win for them, they can build on it before war games.

Andrew Fulton: I do not like the way this turned out. This might not bode well for the KGB at war games.

[SWAT Team]

Jeremy Tucker: Well folks up next we have Marty Donovan of the Society of the New Breed facing SWAT's own big honcho, Joe Pesci in a Battleships match clearly booked by 110% Syberus just to waste some of the KGB's time.

Andrew Fulton: This is an absolute travesty.

Jeremy Tucker: No arguments here, but SWAT were legally bound by Judge Judy's ruling to adhere to the booking that Syberus handed out last time around.

[“Wise Guy” by Joe Pesci plays and Joe Pesci walks out to a hail of boos. He soaks it in before walking down the ramp towards the ring shaking his head at what a waste of time this stupid segment is.]

Jeremy Tucker: Joe doesn't look happy to be out here.

Andrew Fulton: Can you blame him?? The man has an organisation to run!

[Joe steps through the ropes and turns around to look at the stage again. “When You Wish Upon A Star” from Pinocchio plays and Marty Donovan pushes through the curtain with a Disney plus t-shirt on and pumps his fist, waving to the crowd who are booing him just as hard as Joe and pointing down to Joe Pesci.]

Jeremy Tucker: Marty looks up for this one, can he stick it to the KGB??

Andrew Fulton: Who cares?

[Marty jogs down the ramp and slides under the bottom rope, hopping up on a turnbuckle and waving to the crowd as the music dies down.]

Jeremy Tucker: I SUPPOSE some kind of bragging rights on the line in this one?

Andrew Fulton: Really?

[Marty Donovan and Joe Pesci now sit opposite each other at a table set up in the middle of the ring. Referee Frederik Gunnarson, wearing white gloves, holds up the Battleships set for the crowd to see, who cheer, before setting it on the table and opening it up so that both players can see their sides.]

Jeremy Tucker: Both men setting their pieces now. Can all the training that the Society of the New Breed put Marty Donovan through really pay off?

Andrew Fulton: Who cares? Joe doesn't care. He just wants this over with!

[There's a hustle and bustle as “A Very Merry” Jonnie Valentine, Tuxedo Mask and 110% Syberus excuse their way to the front row where three empty seats can be found.]

Jeremy Tucker: Looks like the Society of the New Breed are here to support Marty in his efforts.

Andrew Fulton: I don't see why, he's constantly messing things up for them, when are they going to can him?

Frank Salazar: Ladies and gentlemen, this match will begin with a coin toss to determine who goes first. As Chairman of SWAT, Mr. Pesci gets to call it.

[The Society of the New Breed all cry injustice on the front row. Joe Pesci shakes his head.]

Joe Pesci: Heads.

[The referee tosses the coin and shows Frank Salazar.]

Frank Salazar: Ladies and gentlemen the coin toss was TAILS.

[The Society of the New Breed all celebrate as if it was a touchdown. 110% Syberus spills his XXL popcorn.]

Jeremy Tucker: That puts Marty Donovan in the driving seat folks. He gets to guess first. This could be crucial.

Andrew Fulton: Are you seriously calling this as if it's an actual thing?

[Tucker shrugs.]

Jeremy Tucker: Might as well get into it.

Marty Donovan: A6

Joe Pesci: Miss. F4.

Marty Donovan: Hit.

[The Society of the New Breed flinch on the front row.]

Jeremy Tucker: Joe Pesci right off the bat with a hit!

Andrew Fulton: Yeah! Get him Joe!

Jeremy Tucker: Not getting into it huh?

Marty Donovan: H2.

Joe Pesci: Miss. F5.

Marty Donovan: ...hit...

Jeremy Tucker: Unbelievable! That's two in two!

Marty Donovan: J9

Joe Pesci: Miss. F6?

Marty Donovan: Ugh. Hit.

[The Society of the New Breed fall over themselves in disbelief. The crowd start to murmer.]

Andrew Fulton: That's not a sinker?? Come on!!

Marty Donovan: D9

Joe Pesci: Miss.

[Joe Pesci grins and leans back in his chair.]

Joe Pesci: F7!!!

Marty Donovan: Hit.

Joe Pesci: ….and...?

Marty Donovan: And what? Nothing. Just a hit.

Joe Pesci: C'mon that's four hits in a row, that's not a sinker?

Andrew Fulton: That's NOT a sinker??

Jeremy Tucker: Looks like Joe's even getting into this.

Marty Donovan: I dunno what to tell you, that's not a sinker.

[110% Syberus can be visibly seen to put his head in his hands. Jonnie Valentine holds his hand up to his head and looks away in disbelief.]

Jeremy Tucker: The Society seem to know what's going on here... has Marty Donovan made some kind of positional error perhaps?

Marty Donovan: Anyway B10

Joe Pesci: Miss... G7

Marty Donovan (shifts uncomfortably in his seat) : Hit

Joe Pesci: Hahah... I got you now Donovan

Marty Donovan: We'll see about that!! A10

Joe Pesci: Miss.

Marty Donovan: WHERE ARE YOU?!

Joe Pesci: E7

Marty Donovan: Damnit you sunk one of my little boats.

Joe Pesci: Which one?

[Marty squints at it.]

Marty Donovan: Uh... the submarine.

Joe Pesci: Ha.

Andrew Fulton: FIRST SINKER PEOPLE!! WE HAVE THE FIRST SINKER!!

Jeremy Tucker: Ladies and gentlemen my colleague here seems to be getting more excited about a game of battleships that any wrestling match it seems.

Marty Donovan: Okay okay let's get back into this. E1.

Joe Pesci: Miss. H.... 6?

Marty Donovan: Hit. How are you doing this? DO YOU HAVE PEOPLE ON THE INSIDE?!

[Marty looks over his shoulder.]

Jeremy Tucker: Joe Pesci with an unprecedented 7 hits in a row.

[The Society are beside themselves. Syberus throws the remainder of his popcorn over his shoulder.]

Marty Donovan: G1?

Joe Pesci: Miss.

Jonnie Valentine: GET AWAY FROM THE SIDES!!

Referee Frederik Gunnarson: Mr. Valentine please, no sideline coaching.

Andrew Fulton: The pressure is being turned up on the Society of the New Breed.

Jeremy Tucker: The referee is having to get involved, who'da thought it.

Joe Pesci: G6

Marty Donovan: Hit. H... 3?

Joe Pesci: Hit.

[The crowd roar, the Society of the New Breed pump their fists and hug on the front row.]

Jeremy Tucker: Marty Donovan with his first hit ladies and gentlemen, can he come from behind in this one??

Joe Pesci: Alright, alright calm down. E6.

Marty Donovan: DAMNIT

Jeremy Tucker: What is going on here? Joe Pesci can't miss!!

Joe Pesci: Aaaanndd??

Marty Donovan: Nothing! Shut up! I2

[Joe shakes his head solemnly.]

Joe Pesci: Awww... you sunk my wittle fishing boat.

[Joe throws the little two space boat over his shoulder.]

Joe Pesci: Now where were we... ah yeah... D6.

Marty Donovan: MY AIRCRAFT CARRIER!!

Andrew Fulton: Without air support, Marty Donovan's forces on the ground are going to face significant collateral damage.

[The camera switches to the Society of the New Breed who are now looking dejected and depressed on the front row. Tuxedo Mask has lost interest and is taking selfies. Syberus and Jonnie are slumped in their chairs.]

Jeremy Tucker: Chalk this one up for a win to the KGB unless something changes here drastically.

Marty Donovan: G9

Joe Pesci: Miss. H5.

Marty Donovan: Hit. H9

Joe Pesci: Miss. H...2?

Marty Donovan: Ugh. You sunk my little guy.

[Marty flicks the boat off the board.]

Jeremy Tucker: Folks we must be witnessing one of the most one-sided games of all time. Only one sunken ship to Marty Donovan, whereas Joe Pesci has already depleted his opponent's fleet by three ships and is yet to miss.


Andrew Fulton: It's a Christmas miracle!

Marty Donovan: (shrugging) I6

Joe Pesci: Miss. G5

Marty Donovan: OF COURSE IT'S A HIT

Jeremy Tucker: Uh oh.

[110% Syberus is now scrolling through memes while Jonnie reads the Economist.]

Marty Donovan: C9

Joe Pesci: Miss. E5

Marty Donovan: Well this was a complete waste of time. You sunk my other three long dude.

Andrew Fulton: I smell a board flip. Marty Donovan is not happy

Jeremy Tucker: He's down to his last ship. And Joe Pesci already knows where it is. If I'm following this correctly, Marty Donovan has just grouped all his ships directly in the centre of the board.

Marty Donovan: D1

Joe Pesci: Miss. G4

Marty Donovan: Hit, let's get this over with , F5

Joe Pesci: Miss, E4

Marty Donovan: Hit, of course, E5

Joe Pesci: Hit! Well done. Well done. D4.

Jeremy Tucker: This is it folks!!

Marty Donovan: YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP!!!

[The crowd boo as “Wise Guy” plays again. The camera pans to where the Society of the New Breed were sat to see empty chairs. Joe leans back looking smug as Marty Donovan slumps his head on the table.]

Andrew Fulton: That'll teach the Society to waste KGB time!!

Jeremy Tucker: Will it?

Andrew Fulton: I... well... oh, probably not.

Jeremy Tucker: Regardless a clean sweep for Joe Pesci, annihilating Marty Donovan's fleet while losing only one ship. Is this a sign of things to come later today, as 110% Syberus of the Society of the New Breed takes on “Timeless” Alex Turner of the KGB with the Hardcore title on the line?!

Andrew Fulton: Yes! Yes it is!

Jeremy Tucker: We'll see about that.

[Timeless]

Shot opens to the back, the KGB locker room to be exact where we see Timeless and Roxylishus watching the just finished Battleships game on the monitor.

Timeless has a Versace gold shirt on, unbuttoned, his muscles rippling, his gold necklace gleaming with the oil dripped onto it, his Hardcore title draped over his shoulder, he is ripped and looks incredible, almost as incredible as Roxylishus, she is wearing a KGB boob tube and man o man, they are bursting at that tube, it seems it could tear at the seams any moment and them wondrous melons jump out at you, you wish they would, you long for them too, you stare at them torn seams, willing them to explode, unless you are Syberus, then, you are somehow looking past them, oblivious to her Siren charms, and instead focusing on Timelesses watch. Granted, it is a watch of great significance, but compared to Roxy’s rack?

Come on. Get your priorities right pal.

Timeless : Great win there to the boss, that’s how the KGB rolls!

Roxylishus : (amazed) How did he do it? Did he have an ear piece telling him where to go or something?

Timeless : No need, that Disney Dick Donovan just clumped all his pieces together and Joe found them by accident trying to take out the first sub. Rookie mistake.

Roxylishus : I am still on a high from that big win we had last show against Goth and Trampira. Man, we creamed them. War Games will be no different, come New Years Nightmare, i got a Split Splash with Trampira’s name all over it!

Timeless : Mmmm, tasty. (Timeless zones out for a moment, staring at the nether region of Roxylishus, everyone watching also now craves a taste of that Split splash, everyone but Syberus that is, he is admiring a watch on Timeless’s arm.) Goth, bless his heart, he just doesn’t realize that they are totally outmatched in comparrision to us. In every single way.

Roxylishus : Same as the 110% Jerk Off Syberus. Could anyone BE so irritating?

Timeless : He takes the cake alright. Get this Syb. Anyone else who was fortunate enough to be the bearer of this here watch. (he models the watch, turning it around for the camera) They would be well advised to promote it as who they are, and to run with it to the moon.

But we are not your common wrestler. Look at US! Take a good fucken look!!!

We are the_shit! We don’t need no god damn watch to get us over. Weeeeeeee (he motions he himself and Roxylishus) Outshine a watch. We outshine ALL!!!

Roxylishus : Once upon a time, there was a wrestler who repeated the same lines to the crowd, then, another wrestler and another. IT’S CALLED CATCH PHRASES MONKEY! It’s part of you know ... wrestling!

Timeless : He doesn’t know. He wants to compare a full time wrestler to a valet. (Timeless shakes his head) He see’s things with blinkers on, no awareness of what is truly going on.

Roxylishus : I am not a wrestler Mediocre Syberus. I am a valet. The number ONE valet in the business. These cans, (she thrusts her heaving bosoms forward to the camera) They are what the fans want to see! Not you and sure as fuck not your stupid per cents.

Timeless : You know when he cut his promo, saying all we have are your tits, he actually got a few pops at the end of it, the crowd reaction was the most he has had since his return, he swaggered back into the Society of Part Timers locker room, and fist pumped the air, high fiving them Old Breeders, yelling “I’m Back!” Little did he truly know, the fans, they were popping only because he mentioned your fabulous fun bags.

Roxylishus : The saddest part is, i think he actually believes what he is saying. You know, he runs thru past show events acting like he follows the shows and is up to date on all the goings on around here, but he is a god damn hypocrite. I saw last show, he was trying to ‘not talk about’ Cobryn, saying how he is no one and not worthy, a very good point. But ... to clarify the point, he has to name drop you, saying he isn’t interested in the no names of the sport, like Cobryn. That he only wants the big dogs, naming Timeless, and The Suit.

Then ... he gets the big opportunity and the book for some insane reason, and he jumps to get in the ring with you, then, proceeds to pretend you are not up to it and rant how much better he is than you.

Timeless : We will show him. I am going to make mince meat of that turd. I am going to beat every single per cent out of him, shot by shot by shot.

When he signed this 15 foot steel cage match with Sir Winsalot, he signed his own god damn death warrant!

Roxylishus : (pulls out her phone and presses some numbers to make a call) Hello? Lifeline? I would like to report an impending suicide. This guy i know, Syberus, he has lost all will to live and being to gutless to just stick the barrel in his mouth and pull the trigger, like he dreams about Valentines barrel every night, entered himself in a steel cage with Timeless Alex Turner!

(pauses) Yes! Timeless!

Oh, i know. It’s going to be a massacre.

No ... i don; want you to stop it. Im ringin ...

Timeless : (taking the phone and hanging up on the hotline) There is no saving him now. Now it’s time, time to face the music.

Know this 110% jerk off. After tonight, regardless of what happens, you will get your match with Cobryn. You will know it is a nothing match with a no one, not cause you have been calling him a no one, but because he is about as active as the rest of your Old Breeders. You must be embarrassed to be associated with such a pathetic bunch.

We ... we will be headlining the card with the Bandits! Doing what we do best. Kick ASS!

Tonight, its YOU!

New Years Nightmare! Team SWAT!

2020! The WORLD!!!!!!!

Unfadeable

[SWAT Team]

(The show returns from commercials for SWAT's streaming service, holiday commercials and specials as well as Phantam modelling KGB merchandise along with Soutter and Frostbite both in the same SUV commercial arguing and Team SWAT and KGB facing each other in comic book style action poses before returning to the arena where ringsiders are holding signs saying "Soutter is SWAT!," "Hell freezes over in Frostbite's presence," "Mad Dog's yard!" and Frostburn!" before they fade to the broadcast table where Jeremy Tucker and Andrew Fulton are sitting wearing headsets.)

Jeremy Tucker: "Welcome back and coming up now is the climax of one of SWAT's greatest feuds involving 'The Coldhearted bastard' Frostbite and The Mad Dog of Mekbourne Paul Soutter. This has been a bitter and quite frankly one of the bloodiest and violet feuds SWAT has had."

Andrew Fulton: "Suit has this in the bag, unless Frostbite tires to cheat, as he always does.."

Jeremy Tucker: "Frostbite's no cheater and we both know it. Frostbite's dominated the feud and he plans to end it once and for all. They tore into each other all because Frostbite threatened to takeover SWAT and burn it to the ground."

Andrew Fulton: "Now you get it, he's out to close SWAT just like that moron Syberus did to Hardkore World when that jerk Jonnie Valentine left him in charge. Hell think of the possibility that SWAT closes and the job loss will affect the economy."

Jeremy Tucker: "Nothing like that is going to happen. Frostbite demanded and received a falls count anywhere/last man standing match and being Judge Judy allowed Syberus to make the card for one show. He even allowed a preview of the War Games match."

Andrew Fulton: "Like I mentioned does that moron Jonnie Valentine remember what happened when Syberus planned a card. Hardkore World went out of business thanks to that poor excuse for an accident victim. Hell I was surprised that he didn't have some greedy made for TV lawyer right beside that jerk to make the decision a true joke."

Jeremy Tucker: "Syberus had a legitimate injury and you know it and I know it."

Andrew Fulton: "If he was legitimately injured then why did he put him self into a title match. Tell me that and do it with a straight face."

Jeremy Tucker: "Syberus is a trooper who fights through injuries and we both know it."

Andrew Fulton: "That's the lamest excuse I heard since Radu Matei's poor excuse for a zombie act and his constant vows to retire and look what happens each time he has a title defense. He doesn't retire nor does he plan too even when Joe Pesci or Parishnu Jo or whoever he's calling himself beats him down once and for all."

Jeremy Tucker: "It's not an excuse and Radu Matei does plan on retiring. Let's go to the ring for the introductions."

Frank Salazar: "This next contest is scheduled for one fall and it's a falls count anywhere/last man standing match. Introducing first from Denver, CO. He comes in at 6ft and weighs in at 225lbs. He is 'The Cold Hearted Bastard' and representing Team SWAT. Please welcome Frostbite."

("Seek and Destroy" by Metallica plays and we see lotus's flying on the tron. A few seconds later days turn to night as the image fades out and another of a huge of a huge nuclear explosion as you see tanks firing in the air and right after that image we see soldiers in unison and that image fades out and another image of a nuclear explosion as you see nothing but ash and dust of a city. The lights of the arena grow dark for a few seconds as they come back a blue light as seen up the show of the steps as an individual is seen wearing a grey hoodie with his head down. He slowly picks up his head, we see the intensity in his blue eyes of Frostbite. He takes a walk down the steps as fans reach out to touch his hands and broad shoulders. He enters the ring and removes his grey hoodie.)

Frank Salazar: "Now introducing from Melbourne, Australia. He comes in at 6ft2. and weighs in at a fit and fighting trim weight of 368lbs. He is 'The Mad Dog' and both leads and represents The KGB. Please welcome Paul Soutter."

("Peel your cap Off" by ICE-T plays and the KGB Mobile drives to ringside to boos and Soutter steps out wearing Vader style wrestling tights with the KGB logo on the front. He roars and flips off the ringsiders before entering the ring and flips them off again as he gets onto the ropes.)

Jeremy Tucker: "You can feel the hostility up to the rafters as the bell rings and this match is underway. They circle and lock up with Soutter easily overpowering Frostbite into a corner. The referee calls and gets a clean break and surprisingly Soutter gives a clean break.")

Andrew Fulton: "Surprisingly. That's an insult to this great man. Soutter's such a nice guy that he's willing to give an asshole like Frostbite a break. Soutter challenges Frostbite to a test of strength and that 98lb. weakling gladly obliges. The Suit easily overpowers Frosty...Ho hum. He has him pinned to the mats easily."

Jeremy Tucker: "Frostbite strains and arches his back and starts getting back to a vertical base. Soutter counters with a knee to Frostbite's mid-section followed by some knife edged chops to Frostbite's throat and chest. Frostbite's chest is getting red."

Andrew Fulton: "That's all for what he tried to do to poor Suzi Spitz on the last Battleground card. Speaking of who's calling the match it's She-Male the Barbarian. Syberus obviously hates Soutter and SWAT enough to make this match and this joke of a card."

Jeremy Tucker: "The referee isn't a she-male. Soutter whips Frostbite into the ropes and clotheslines him 360. he does a muscle pose before flipping off the boos again before dropping a series of crushing elbows to Frostbite's chest."

Andrew Fulton: " Soutter mounts and grounds and pounds Frostbite before bodyslamming 'The Cold Hearted Bastard' with authority. He leaves the ring and finds a chair."

Jeremy Tucker: "Soutter beats Frostbite viciously with that chair before unfolding it and sits down. He gets into Frostbite's face before asking him some questions before slapping Frostbite hard who slowly gets up and Soutter kicks him before viciously kicking him and stomping him in the back."

Andrew Fulton: "Soutter's letting Frostbite know that's he's in charge and he's not taking any crap from Frostbite. Soutter whips Frostbite into the corner but Frostbite counters with a big boot as Soutter charges in."

Jeremy Tucker: "Frostbite clotheslines Soutter who stumbles backwards as Frostbite grabs the chair and starts beating Soutter with it. He jams the chair into both Soutter's mid-section and throat repeatedly sending Soutter out of the ring and onto the hard concrete floor."

Andrew Fulton: "Frostbite goes under the ring and finds one of Team Fairtex's stainless steel Singapore canes. He waits and starts beating Soutter with it. Frostbite forces Soutter over the guardrailling and the ringsiders scatter away from the action. Imagine what's going to happen if the ringsiders sue SWAT over Frostbite's actions."

Jeremy Tucker: "That's not going to happen."

Andrew Fulton: "Oh yeah this is Frostbite we're talking about here."

Jeremy Tucker: "That's not going to happen and you know it. Frostbite grabs an elderly man's cane and starts bashing Soutter with it. He returns it to the old man and then asks for a marker to autograph it. Frostbite leaps over the guardrail and returns with one of Team Fairtex's Stainless Steel Singapore Cane’s."

Andrew Fulton: "Frostbite stole Phantam's Stainless Steel Singapore Cane and he's going to be pissed when he finds out Frostbite stole it. Even worse that poor old man is going to sue over a broken cane and we could be on the unemployment line thanks to Frostbite. Frostbite turns and gets speared by Soutter who takes Phantam's Stainless Steel Singapore Cane and returns the favor with a beating of his own. He opens up a can of whoop ass and a well deserved beatdown in my opinion."

Jeremy Tucker: "You're loving that aren't you."

Andrew Fulton: "With pleasure."

Jeremy Tucker: "No surprise there. Soutter cracks the Stainless Steel Singapore Cane over 'The Cold Hearted Bastard's' head and Frostbite's busted open. A ringsider asks The Suit for an autograph of his Soutter action figure and being the great fan loving guy he is obliges and even poses for a selfie."

Andrew Fulton: "What loyalty to his fans. He's willing to pose for a selfie bloodied face and head and all."

Jeremy Tucker: "I'm sure. Soutter picks up Frostbite and hotshots his throat onto the security guardrail and Soutter beats Frostbite's back without mercy. He proceeds to hotshot Frostbite's face into the arena steps."

Andrew Fulton: "Looks like Soutter's being a nice guy again and gives Frosty an undeserved tour of the arena. He takes him up the steps and into the arena's concourse where the concessions are located. Soutter spots the concession stand with both Team SWAT and New Socitey of the New Breed merchandise which pisses off Soutter more than a matador showing a red cape to an angry bull."

Jeremy Tucker: "I have to agree with you Andrew. These three groups hate each others guts with a vengeance and they've gotten under KGB's skin as of late. Pesci and Soutter are especially steamed at their constant hounding of them. Soutter just whipped Frostbite into that concession stand and he trainwrecks Frostbite. He starts snatching merchandise and Ron the Merchandise Guy just fled for his life as Soutter smashes it over Frostbite's head and face."

Andrew Fulton: "No loss there except for that greedy asshole Ron the Merchandise Guy. Seriously it's no loss either for those freaks who call themselves rival factions to The KGB. The Society of the New Breed and Team SWAT are worthless like their merchandise anyway. Soutter sees a poster of Frosty and rips it off the wall before ripping it off and he stuffs it into Frostbite's face. He continues to grind it into Frostbite's face Keep it up boss and show who wears the real suit around here."

Jeremy Tucker: "If the suit fits. Soutter whips Frostbite into the wall near the restroom but Frostbite reverses it and Soutter crashes into the wall. Frostbite charges and spears Soutter who slumps down to the floor and Frostbite opens up a can of whoop ass of his own."

Andrew Fulton: "Frostbite spots a concession stand with KGB merchandise in it and goes over and finds Team Fairtex's Stainless Steel Singapore Canes which I might add are authenticated by Team Fairtex and have their names on them. He looks and simply shrugs nonchalantly before destroying the concession stand and the KGB merchandise. Frostbite goes back over to Soutter and he starts beating Soutter with that Stainless Steel Singapore Cane. I'm hoping that The KGB sues over the lost merchandise. That will show Frosty that you don't destroy merchandise without paying the price."

Jeremy Tucker: "At least Judge Judy will be available to render a verdict."

Andrew Fulton: "Are you kidding Jerry. Frostbite would make an even worse card than Syberus. Hell that brainless jerk would make me wrestle in the ring just for the fun of it."

Jeremy Tucker: "Come on Frostbite likes you and you know it. Frostbite busts open Soutter's head and now both are bleeding badly. Frostbite takes Soutter into the restroom and everyone's scrambling to get out....Oooh that isn't a good sight if someone is still in the stall that Frostbite's planning to use."

Andrew Fulton: "Ooh worse his weeny is still hanging out and he's mooning the camera."

Jeremy Tucker: "You jealous because he has a better weeny and ass."

Andrew Fulton: "Nobody's weeny is better than mine and that includes my ass."

Jeremy Tucker: "From the expert. That idiot waddles out of the restroom and now Frostbite's pissed over the fact that all the stalls are flushed but smiles at the one just abandoned by that dimwitted wrestling fan. Frostbite attempts to whip Soutter into that vacant stall but Soutter's bulk and size keeps him from going into that stall. Soutter counters with a series of elbows and a low blow."

Andrew Fulton: "That will show him that you don't talk crap about The Founder of SWAT."

Jeremy Tucker: "Soutter DDT's Frostbite's head onto that hard tiled floor and proceeds to stuff Frostbite's head into that unflushed toilet. He holds Frostbite's heads down as he struggles to resist and get his head out of that unflushed toilet. Soutter pulls his head out and screams into his face before continuing to hold Frostbite's head down. He's determined to drown Frostbite."

Andrew Fulton: "Soutter's determined to prove you don't talk trash or any other crap or shit about Soutter. Soutter pulls his head out again and throws him out of the stall bulk or no bulk. He throws Frostbite out like yesterday's trash like he is. Soutter gets a running start and buttbounces onto frostbite's chest....Ooh Frostbite just spewed some stuff out of his mouth."

Jeremy Tucker: "Soutter orders the referee and the referee makes the count as Soutter places a foot on Frostbite's chest and muscle poses again. Frostbite stirs and he grabs Soutter's foot and forces him off. Soutter charges but is back bodydropped."

Andrew Fulton: "As usual Conan the She-Male referee makes a slow count. Frostbite picks Soutter up and some fans pose for selfies so he can humiliate The Founder and have it as a memory of their encounter. Frostbite takes Soutter back into the entrance and throws Soutter down the steps."

Jeremy Tucker: "Frostbite gets a running start and leaps off stomping Soutter's mid-section before he takes Soutter down the rest of the way to ringside. Frostbite forces Soutter over the ringside barrier and sommersault stomps Soutter onto his crotch and Soutter's howling in pain."

Andrew Fulton: "That's not fair. Soutter's crotch should be off limits to everyone unless he gives his permission and say so. Let's see someone give him a crotch shot like Soutter did to Frostbite in the restroom."

Jeremy Tucker: "I'm sure both their crotches are off limits. Frostbite whips Soutter into the ringsteps and charges in delivering a knee to Soutter's face. Frostbite grounds and pounds Soutter and goes under the ring and finds a baseball bat."

Andrew Fulton: "Frostbite cracks the baseball bat over Soutter's back and head. He backs off as his friend She-Male starts counting Soutter in an unusually fast count as he struggles and gets to his feet to beat that biased count."

Jeremy Tucker: "The referee isn't biased and you and I know it. Frostbite takes Soutter up the entranceway and piledrives him onto the steel rampway."

Andrew Fulton: " Once again Frostbite attempts to piledrive Soutter who counters with a back bodydrop. Soutter takes Frostbite to the backstage area and he's still taking Frostbite beyond the backstage area."

Jeremy Tucker: "Yeah he's still going and taking him into the loading dock area where the crates and all of SWAT's equipment is scattered all over the place. Soutter whips Frostbite into a pile of crates and he avalanches him knocking Frostbite down and the top crate falls onto Frostbite's head."

Andrew Fulton: " Soutter places Frostbite between two metal equipment steamers and finds a caterpillar mover and guns the engine and takes another steamer and....Oh my god! He's going to do what I think he's going to do....Oh this is going to be soooo good!....Oh do it Mad Dog! Do it for your favorite supporter!.....Oh do what you're planning to do to Frostbite!"

Jeremy Tucker: "Yeah he uses that caterpillar mover to smash that metal steamer into those other two crushing Frostbite between them. Obviously Soutter's out to crush Frostbite or even kill Frostbite."

Andrew Fulton: "Oh yeah like Frostbite's not out to kill Soutter."

Jeremy Tucker: "Soutter backs up and does it again before backing the mover out and gets out. He removes those steamers and backs up and Soutter Splashes Frostbite .”

Andrew Fulton: "Once again the She-Male referee favors Frostbite with a slow count. Soutter sets the trunk up and sets Frostbite up for a Soutter Special. He hits it and instructs the ref to go for the ten count .... One ............... Two ........... Three .............. Four ................ Five ............... Six ................ Seven ............. Eight ................. Nine ...... Frostbite makes his way to his feet.."

Jeremy Tucker: "Frostbite's a survivor and you know it. Soutter Garvin Stomps Frostbite repeatedly as if he's doing a Mexican Hat Dance before using his boot to choke Frostbite. Soutter whips Frostbite into the wall and charges but Frostbite delivers a big boot. He sees a steel drum and he stuffs it onto Soutter's head and then finds a sledgehammer and hits the steel drum where Soutter's head is."

Andrew Fulton: "Now it's obvious that Frostbite wants to end Soutter's career once and for all with a severe concussion and you and I know that. Frostbite backs up and he spears Suit steel drum and all."

Jeremy Tucker: "Frostbite waits as the referee makes a biased count, quickly up to seven as Soutter struggles to get to his feet with that steel drum still covering him. Soutter barely beats the count and the match continues biased referee and all. Both men are determined to inflict as much punishment on the other as possible. Frostbite removes the steel drum and he's gagging at whatever was in that steel drum and Soutter's covered with something dark."

Andrew Fulton: "Don't you even dare say that came from Soutter."

Jeremy Tucker: "I didn't say it. Frostbite takes Soutter and smashes his head into the production truck's door repeatedly. The producer opens the door and slams it shut when he sees both Soutter and Frostbite at the door. Soutter headbutts Frostbite and then smashes his head into the production truck repeatedly. He backs up and Soutter Splashes Frostbite."

Andrew Fulton: "Stink and all."

Jeremy Tucker: "Soutter executes a running. Suit catches his breathe and the ref makes a standing 8 count on Frosty but he forces himself back to his feet."

Andrew Fulton: "Because he's probably in bed with this idiotic referee."

Jeremy Tucker: "Will you stop with those stupid conspiracy theories."

Andrew Fulton: "That's the truth. The whole truth and nothing but the truth and you know it too. I'm going to continue gathering evidence against that incompetent fraud of a referee. Conan the She-Male is going to be fired and hopefully a real referee is hired. Soutter attempts a Soutter Special but Frostbite back bodydrops him."

Jeremy Tucker: "Frostbite drops elbow after elbow after elbow onto Soutter's chest and instructs the ref to make the ten count .... One ........... Two ....... Three .................. Four .......... Five ........ Six ............ Seven .......... Soutter gets back to his feet.”

Andrew Fulton: "That's how tough The Founder is. Frostbite attempts a piledriver but Soutter back Bodydrops him in turn. Soutter takes Frostbite back into the backstage area and whips him into one of the walls. He finds a metal cart and smashes it into the back of Frosty and does it again and again. He whips Frostbite into the opposite wall and uses the metal cart again to repeat what he did moments ago."

Jeremy Tucker: "I don't know what Soutter's doing but it's really bizarre and quite unusual for Soutter to use anything like that especially if it's a metal cart."

Andrew Fulton: " Soutter takes Frostbite into one of the lockerrooms which just happens to be the one with our esteemed owner and financier Joe Pesci or Parishnu Jo or whoever he really is."

Jeremy Tucker: "You got the Whoever he is part' correct. He just joined in the assault of Frostbite with some quick stiff kicks and punches. Soutter and our esteemed financier continue to assault him and get into his face. The referee warns them but Joe Pesci or is it Parishnu Jo reminds her who cuts her paychecks."

Andrew Fulton: "That will show that biased referee who runs things in SWAT and it isn't her. They continue to beatdown Frostbite until Soutter unceremoniously throws Frosty the Loser out of the lockerroom like the worthless piece of trash he is. He takes Frostbite out of the backstage area and out the ring entrance. Mr Pesci on a roll since his victory over Marty Donovan and looking to tune up for his big retirement match at New Years Nightmare."

Jeremy Tucker: "Soutter sets up Frostbite and he powerbombs him. He picks him up and he does it again a second, third and fourth time before instructing the ref to begin the ten count ... she gets to 9 and Frosty barely gets to his feet.."

Andrew Fulton: "This referee is brainless since she still makes real slow counts."

Jeremy Tucker: "Soutter just executed another powerbomb down the entranceway. Soutter's getting steamed and I don't blame him. He gets into the referee's face and she's having none of it.. Soutter sees the equipment pit and he sets Frostbite up and powerbombs him into that equipment pit. Look at those sparks and explosions as some flames shoot up."

Andrew Fulton: "Shades of Psychotic Goth and Dave Brickheart during their SWAT Hardcore Championship Match a couple years ago. Soutter should just stay there and wait for Frostbite to get counted out by that biased zebra. Soutter smiles sadistically and backs up and he gets a running start but goes splat on the equipment which explodes after Frostbite rolls out of the way. Soutter looks like he's being cooked on that equipment."

Jeremy Tucker: "Both looked like they're being cooked by the equipment. The referee counts as they both are down. They slowly stir and both slowly get to their feet. Frostbite spears The Suit and fire and smoke rise up. Frostbite slowly gets up and starts climbing out of the pit as Soutter slowly gets up surrounded by flames and sparks."

Andrew Fulton: "Come on Soutter climb up out of that equipment pit and keep Frostbite from winning. Soutter is slow to climb up the equipment pit and Frostbite kicks and stomps on Soutter who falls back into the equipment pit. Frostbite leaps off the edge and stomps on Soutter's head before starting up the side of the equipment pit and barely keeps his grip on the side."

Jeremy Tucker: "Soutter's slow to get up but Frostbite's almost out of the equipment pit. Soutter's attempting to get out but Soutter falls back down. Frostbite climbs out and rolls onto the rampway as the referee starts the recounting."

Andrew Fulton: "Oh look at the coincidence. No sooner is Frosty out of the equipment pit Conan the She-Male zebra speeds up the count. Frostbite barely gets back to his feet and the She-Male rings the bell and declares him the winner."

Frank Salazar: "The winner of this match at 40minutes Frostbite."

Jeremy Tucker: "In a very brutal and bloody battle. Frostbite closes this storied feud with SWAT owner and KGB leader Soutter with a victory that will go down in the annals of SWAT history forever."

Andrew Fulton: "What a battle, i can’t believe Frostbite won, but he did, he took everything The Big Bad Bustling Bandit had to offer, and he survived. In this game, surviving is winning, so, i guess, begrudgingly, hats off to Frostbite, well done."

[𝓓𝓾𝓴𝓮 𝓚𝓸𝓼𝓵𝓸𝓯𝓯]

Duke can be seen walking around his dressing room after his match with Brian Acres. A bit of blood running down the face of "The Russian Nightmare" as he stalks around the locker room still raging with emotion and fury from the match. No one else attempts to come in there while Duke is in there.

The video feed from the cameras from Duke's locker room begins to play as a hush comes across the crowd inside the arena. He can be seen talking amongst himself.

"The Russian Nightmare"
This has to stop, the weak needs to be stopped, Brian Acres thought he could face his nightmares and win, Joe Pesci, believed he could stop me by placing Acres against me, then placing me in a match at New Years Nightmares. Oh, no, no one can stop me but I will reign down upon the weak and stop them from doing any more damage to what will be mine soon enough, SWAT!!!

Duke continues to talk amongst himself as he gets undressed and heads into the shower to clean up from his match.

[suzispitz]

The garbage you are about to see in no way represents S.W.A.T. standards.

The clock on the wall is the only thing heard, the ticking sound seeming to get louder with each passing second, as the camera slowly zooms out from a closeup shot of a man's eyes, which are obviously amazed at what they see.

The scene cuts to a woman's eyes, but there's something familiar about the glare they cast toward the man, then darting downward, intensely focused on the paperwork he holds in his hands...

He nervously looks up to her, momentarily, in stunned silence, from the sudden realization that she sits before him, every bit A Little Piece of Heaven, that's Hotter than Hell as he's ever seen her on television.

The clock ticks louder

SS : HEY!.. I ain't got all day, pal, so just tell me...

what's it gonna be?

The man bursts into laughter, but not for long.

Suzi slams her hand on his desk, and looks right into his eyes, as she hits her big fat fattie...

SS : Do I got the freakin' job, or what?

There is a sudden change in the man's demeanor, and it is immediately obvious that panic, and fear grip him with icy claws that send a shiver up his spine, as he desperately attempts to reason with her.

Man : Su-Su- Suzi, you can't possibly be serious. This is Burger King, we don't need a... ummm...

He looks at the application to make sure he says it as it is written.

Man : Resident Ass Kicker.

SS : Oh yeah? What about them chicken sandwiches? Huh? Allz I gotta do is tell the customers they're better than KFC's second rate crap, and the first one that gives me some lip? BAM! I slap the livin' piss out of 'em, and all of a sudden, everyone's buyin' your chicken sandwiches.

And if they don't, I'll start a buncha sh*t about some McNuggets, or somethin'...

Man : Yeah, well, Burger King doesn't sell McNuggets, but it says here, that you're The S.W.A.T. World Heavyweight Champion.

SS : That's right. Ya got a problem with that?

Man : Oh, no, not at all. But, don't you make a lot of money already?

SS : I make millions, pal...

Man : Then, why would you want to work at Burger King?

SS : Look... the world of professional wrestlin' might seem all glamorous to the fans, but when your name is Suzi Spitz, it's hard. It's reeeal hard.

I mean... my whole life is all about kickin' ass. Kickin' ass is all I do. Kickin' ass is all I've ever done.

I simply can't get enough ass ta kick, but, ya see...

I gotta be careful who's asses I kick, ya know... I wouldn't wanna hurt everybody, then, there wouldn't be anyone left ta have a match with me.

And I have ta have a match, or I can't make my big wad of cash.

So... I figure I can use my natural ass kickin' ability here at Burger King ta start one of them stupid chicken sandwich beefs with Mickey D's, you guys'll make some money, I get an extra pay check, and I don't have ta bury my boot ankle deep in the whole roster's asses, 'cause I'll be smackin' bitches around in the drive through.

See? It's a win-win situation.

The Violent Vixen sits back in her chair, confident that her point has been well made, puffing away on her rather large blunt, as she awaits an answer.

Man : Is this one of those wrestling vignette things? I've seen you before, I know you do some unusual things... Hey, you... You're not going to assault me, are you?

SS : Nah... I came for somethin' else, entirely. But, HEY! What's that?!?

The scene pauses, as Suzi points at the window behind the man...

SS : I tried that... big mistake. The whole comedy relief storyline crap wasn't workin', and I had one of the biggest challenges of my entire career coming up in just a little while.

So I cut that sh*t off, 'cause this ain't some Saturday Night Live skit.

The World Heavyweight Championship is on the line, and Johnny Valentine ain't no joke.

Oh, sure, I've beaten the best athletes this business has ever known, and I'm very proud of my accomplishments over the span of my 19 plus year long career, but I have to admit, this time, I was unprepared.

Can I beat Valentine? Hmmmph... you bet your ass I can, but... will I beat him tonight?

That's the real question... at least, in my mind.

I mean... the whole S.W.A T. roster is pure talent. And bein' the World Champion is one hell of a responsibility.

Ya see, the champ doesn't get to have fun, oh, no, there's no time for that.

I can't just show up for work, and have an easy night. Heh-heh... it just doesn't work like that. But let's face it...

what ya see isn't always what ya get. And just 'cause I might be lookin' like a million bucks every time I main event Battleground, that don't mean it's true.

We all have our bad days, but I ain't stupid. I know for a fact that there are people in the back who could walk out to the ring, and rip me a brand new ass anytime they damned well please.

Johnny Valentine is one of 'em.

So if I go out there, and get my ass whipped, I'll hand him the belt, and raise his hand myself, 'cause I know I have nobody to blame but myself, and I won't be ashamed to admit defeat, 'cause the competition here is on a level that no other promotion can match.

I ain't gonna come up with a million excuses, 'cause I have none.

And I sure as hell ain't gonna get mad if I don't come away with a victory, I'm just gonna get off my ass, get better, and get the title back when I work out all this freakin' laziness I got from havin' everything handed to me on a silver platter for ten years in the minor leagues.

If I can somehow mange ta pull out another win, it'll be a bit of a miracle, with all the distractions that came with the title... The K.G.B., or whatever they're calling themselves... all the people who deserve a title shot... the ones who don't... they're like sharks that smell all the blood I've lost.

It's all good, though... I'll either float through it, or I'll take my lick, but no matter what, I'm givin' Valentine all the blood I have left.

That's all. You can go now.

[radu]

[Beep.]

[Beep.]

[Beep.]

[Home for the holidays.  The familiar sounds of hospital technology, letting off all sorts of pings and assorted noises to let those in the immediate vicinity know that you aren't dead yet.  These surroundings are turning up all to frequently.  An almost weekly near death experience.  It was one thing when the bleeding, when the pain, when the torment, was all in the service of making the belt shine again.  The belt shines.  Suzi can be trusted with it now.  She won't let you down.  Spitz understands the faith you have in her.  Faith.  Now that the belt is out of the picture, all that remains is retirement, and the only thing standing between you and that is a hateful man misappropriating another culture while moonlighting as a movie star.  You just have to put a stake in him and you can retire these weary bones.  It seems like the road to retirement has become that much longer since you first broached the subject.  Like forces you were unaware of were dragging out your final match, somehow making it that much more difficult to cut and run.]

[Cut.]



[The young woman connects an intravenous - blood flowing freely.]

[Another nurse inserts another tube.]

[Her comes a third woman.]

[Its nice to be popular, you guess.]

[And a forth.  What are they connecting him too?]

[They aren't connecting the tubes at all.]

[The plastic pipes run directly to their mouths.  The young women suck back, slurping up his blood like he was a juice box.  The meal tries to voice his concern, let them know that this isn't appropriate, that even if he spills the precious liquids they are lapping up, they still belong to him.  They pay little attention, caught up in their blood thirst.  Is there a supervisor he can complain to?  Here comes the doctor.  Surely these nurses will stop their inappropriate behaviour in the presence of this physician.]

[Before Radu can breathe a sigh of relief, the doctor has reached into his chest and pulled out his beating heart.  Pulling back a surgical mask to reveal the statuesque features of Joanne Canelli.  Her snow white skin again covered in a crimson mask, as she bites into his heart.]

[The Beeping gets closer, as Radu Matei wakes from his nightmare with a loud gasp.  Caked in sweat, the former world champion hasn't been sleeping well lately.  It takes a minute for his eyes to adjust to the light, but he is in a hospital room very similar to his dream.  The end result of Zoran and Jo's little cage stunt.  They are going to pay for that.  The only thing missing is the harem of vampires.  That is a relief.  The television is playing reruns from SWAT.  Can he get no relief?  The Helloween Cup winner winces, only to turn up the volume as he remembers this particular segment.  The last episode of the Roach Motel, before Timeless Alex Turner decided to crush him with it.  He had a very special guest that week.]

Vile Vince Viper from Roach Motel:
The reason I stayed with SSSWAT as long as I did was out of respect for my dear friend, Adrian Tanner Jr.  Adrian loved this promotion, so despite what sinister pretence I gave for my appearance, the goal of my being here was to help promote shows, draw gates, and make sure his legacy remained alive.  Management might say otherwise in character, but the truth is, I was their top draw when they reopened.  I kept it up as long as I could.  As the Memorial Cup approaches, I decided to approach them about one final appearance.  You see Adrian's DREAM MATCH, the one match he always wanted to see was ME againssst COBRYN.  We run in very different circles, so the logistics were just impossssssible.  Adrian seemed genuinely excited by the prospect.  Its very rare for wrestlers to talk about the one match they would love to see, and not immediately name drop themselves.  Not Adrian.  He wanted to watch US do our thing.  Now either I'm retired or Cobryn has fallen off the face of the earth, so we haven't been able to arrange that match at any of the previous Memorials.  This year seems different.

You actually have Cobryn as an active member of the roster.  At least until Syberus talks Valentine and friends into restarting HARDKORE world or generally quitting on masssssss...

Cobryn is IN SSSWAT.

This is my opportunity.

Sssssssssso I approached Paul and Joe about the prospect of putting on this ssspecial attraction.  Even giving up my usual asking price to a charity of Adrian'sss choice, for the sake of making this match happen.  A tribute that the man would actually approve of.

What did I get?  It was clear that they would rather not risk Cobryn losing a match, or rather have him in a tag team to placate another member of his little posse.  That's not on Cobryn, that's on SWAT.  There Memorial is more about lining their pockets than doing right by the man'sss memory.

Ssso after this interview you will NEVER see me on a SWAT broadcast again.

Fuck SWAT.

[The Sacrificial Idol mulls over the old snakes' disappointment at management's ambivalence to Tanner's desires.]

Radu Matei <lips split open and bleed out onto a bandaged as makes words>: I understand his bitterness, but the old man was wrong.  See Tanner didn't want 2019 Viper versus Cobryn, he wanted the 2005 version of that contest.  One that can never be.  To put the two of you in the ring together now, would be almost as sad as the Memorial itself.  Still seeing a former world champion give up on this federation over want of a match?  Makes me want to thank Syberus for setting this little encounter up.  Giving me a chance to test myself against a legend, before I call it a career.  Though given how many hoops Pesci is making me jump through, Cobryn might retire before I get a chance. <chuckle, pops a stitch>

Cobryn...

As the federation becomes more divided between the SWAT regulars and your former associates in the Breeders, its important that we put aside our differences, and start putting on more inclusive shows.  Not who knew who in the UWA or HARDKORE, but that we're all actively wrestling LONG AFTER we should have thrown in the towel.  To that end... I'm going to check myself out of this hospital shortly, and head down to the show...

In reminding you that not all wrestling matches are cakewalks, I might be weakening you up for a Syberus win... which I regret deeply.

At the same time, you might be doing the damage to my body that finally gives Pesci an edge in our showdown.  Also regrettable.

Those are high stakes.

...But you don't get to trade shots with a legend every day.

So let's make Viper's weep.

[Wincing in pain, Radu Matei yanks a pipe out of his arm, that ran a lot deeper than he expected.  As machines start to flatline, he looks back up at the sneering image of Viper before turning to collect his things.]

[Beeeeeeeeeeeeep.]

[Old School: Fade.]