No Mans Land 2020 : Show

[King Syberus]

[ The camera opens to the scene of 110% Syberus looking out to the sea. A gentle breeze sweeps his hair slightly as he gazes at the sunset. We hear the quiet call of seagulls in the background. Syberus thoughtfully forks some more of his fish and chips into his mouth. That's fish and chips, my American friends. Not chips as you know them. You see “chips” is what we call fries, and chips we call “crisps”. Why am I explaining that to you? It's our language, we invented it. Anyway Syberus is enjoying some home comforts as he wears the SWAT International title around his waist. He wears it now because he knows his fleeting time with the championship belt was brief, and just like this wonderful sunset ahead of him, all things must come to an end. ]

110% Syberus: Ahhh just look at it. Nothing beats the tranquillity of the sea. Really lets you get down to the core of your problems when you can just... watch the waves roll in and out...

[ A seagull lands nearby, eyeing up his fish and chips. ]

110% Syberus: It was an honor to oust Alex Turner, easily the worst wrestler I've ever wrestled, and I've wrestled Adam Haven, from the Hardcore Championship. It was a privilege to rename it the International title, just to bring it in line with modern day wrestling a little more, and defend it against two stalwarts of my professional generation – Tuxedo Mask and Marty Donovan. It might have only been a cup of coffee I had with this girl but...

[ He taps his knuckles on the centre plate of the belt. ]

110% Syberus: At least it had a couple of sugars amiright?

Because now, our time must come to an end. Whoever eliminates 110% Syberus from the Royal Rumble will take the International title from me.

[ A second seagull swoops down opposite the first, they look at each other and one lets out a call. They know what's up. ]

110% Syberus: 110% Syberus will give 110%. Unfortunately in a Rumble scenario a peon can eliminate a great. It doesn't really matter who I'm in there with. How lowly their station in this business. It doesn't matter how base line the intellect of my opposition, sadly pretty much anyone can manage a clothesline and really that's all it takes. So my dear, this is our sweet goodbye. I'd hoped to defend you against some of the freshest talent that SWAT has to offer. I'd hoped to raise your profile to one of the most hotly contested championship titles in wrestling today. But we're not going to get to see that, all because Alex Turner, who's terrible you might remember, was a little bitch as usual and instead of you know, just being better at his job, cried about me beating him.

But don't worry about me. When you're living the life in the semi-main event, being fought over by Radu and Suzi and whoever Soutter bribed with a title run to come in from XHF, I'll be just fine. Down there feuding with the Fairtex's and being told there's big plans for me around the corner.

[ A third seagull lands. Larger and more ragged than the first two. Syberus starts to look nervous and tries to remain casual as he eats. ]

110% Syberus: But we're going to go out with a bang. We're going to go out-

[ A fourth seagull lands and bellows a huge call. It kicks up a chorus with the others. ]

110% Syberus: FINE!!! JUST TAKE IT!!!

[ Syberus throws his take-out tray across the pier and the gulls fly after it. Syberus turns to the camera, and brushes back his hair. ]

110% Syberus: If you think that I'm giving up this belt lightly then NOPE that's not happening.

If you think 110% Syberus isn't going to go down kicking and screaming then you haven't been watching the last 15 years of wrestling TV. 

If you think I haven't got something to say about this fucking travesty then- well, you get the idea.

Turner. Look. When I say you're probably the worst wrestler I've ever encountered I actually mean it. And this is including guys like Ultimate Boss, who's bio included his only weakness as “being attacked by three or four people”, and Blak Lung, who made Shootfighter's grasp of the English language look Shakespearian. I've wrestled some absolute stinkers in my time. WOOF! But you easily take the cake. You're painfully one-dimensional, have absolutely no original thought, and your win/loss ratio is in the gutter. Why are you even here? What do you possibly bring to SWAT, when it's grasping at being the top-tier level of wrestling excellence it used to be? Ohp, that's right, roster filler, because half the people here are mindless fucking automatons that can't tie their own shoelaces.

You cried about me winning your title, why? That's how wrestling works. The better wrestlers beat the worst wrestlers and so on and so forth in that fashion. There's absolutely no logical grounds on you being bent out of shape about it. It's your fault. You've never made any effort to improve. You've never added anything decent to this company any time you've opened your mouth. In fact all you've done is suck the substance out of it any time you've spoken like some kind of swirling black hole of quality.

And yes I used the word suck, which probably conjured up images of all the blow jobs I give to everyone in your mind where only 1990's jokes get written. Syb loves the peen. LOLOLOLOLOL.

[ Andreas the waiter, still oiled up wearing only speedos and a bow tie, pops his head into the shot. ]

Andreas: You call honey?

110% Syberus: Not now, Andreas.

Andreas: Okay but don' take to long talkeen to the bad mens yeah? We gotta vamoose.

[ Would a stereotypical gay South American guy say vamoose? I dunno. ]

110% Syberus: Anyway I'm done talking about your stupid face. Let's get on to Eddie D. Eddie I've got high hopes for you. You certainly look the physical specimen. I'm certainly in no doubt about how you look. And I like that about you. “What does Eddie D look like”? They'll ask. And the great thing about you is that I'm in absolutely no doubt about what you look like. If I had to pick you out of a crowd? I could do it. That's marketing 101. Unfortunately for you pro wrestling 101 is: be good at it. Beating Rajiv Khan is like... is like... well imagine if you will beating someone that wasn't entirely human. That didn't exist, as it were. A being of no actual physical dimensions or substance at all, if you will. That's what beating Rajiv Khan is like. Even Rajiv Khan has beaten Rajiv Khan, it was a big blockbuster in SWAT last year entitled “KHAN VS KHAN: A SHOWDOWN OF TWO PEOPLE THAT DON'T EXIST THAT NO ONE GIVES A FUCK ABOUT.”

So, to recap, no one cares that you beat Rajiv Khan. I like how you monster heel'd your promo though. Soak in those boo's like nectar right? Nomnomnom.

Look Eddie let's get real. You could be the next International champ. You could be wrestling Jonnie for the world title next. Because I'm sure that a guy like you has mastered the art of the clothesline. It's a move with only two steps! Step one: outstretch arm in horizontal fashion. Step two: propel your body forward until contact. Genius!

But make no mistake that if the stars align and your lameazz bundles me over that top rope I'll be coming back for you, for the title, in an actual match where you'll have to wrestle and win against an opponent that isn't a fucking holographic projection. Therein will lie your downfall. Oh one last request before I hopefully stop talking about you forever – could I get more, and larger, images of your stupid fucking face on my screen please? I'm beginning to forget what you look like. It's... it's fading Eddie! Eddie... did you have a beard or an eyepatch or both?! It's gone!!

[ Syberus slaps the centreplate of the International title. ]

Syberus: Let's get on to the next waste of carbon circling the carcass that is my International title reign – Anthony Caffrey. Hoboy. 

[ Syberus rubs his eyes wearily. ]

Syberus: Anthony, it's not your fault, but you aren't as good as you think you are. How do I put this...

I wrestled for a decade with some of the greatest wrestlers this sport has ever seen.

Hardcore maniacs.

Technical masterminds.

Psychological warriors.

'guys were masters in the ring. Gods on the microphone. They were funny. They were brutal. They were smart. Ratings were through the roof. And the matches? My God the matches. We fought in some of the most physically catastrophic battles you could imagine in that ring. They were long. They were bloody. And in the end whoever clutched the belt to their battered and broken bodies knew that the gold was worth more than anything you could possibly imagine.

And most of the time that was me. I've held over thirty championships in more promotions than I can bother recalling in my time. And you know how many fucks people give in SWAT about all of that?

You guessed it.

Who calls you the man with no heart? Because that sounds like something that you tried to kick off yourself like most of your other lameazz nicknames. And egad man! The 110% gimmick being completely undone by simply naming a higher percentage! I never expected anyone to lay THAT on me when I was getting the t-shirts printed! Ronnie! Cancel the next run!

Ronnie the Merch guy: But I already called in the order.

110% Syberus: Too late! Why didn't you tell me that numbers could be arranged in ascending order?! This mess is all your fault!

Ronnie the Merch guy: Jonnie told me this day would come.

110% Syberus: Anthony, I liked the parts of your promo where you really ham'd up the smirking and scoffing at the crowd. Not got anything to say? Cocky smirk. Need to stretch your promo from 10 minutes to 15? Scoff at the reaction. It's beautiful to behold. Sadly I can already tell that your cookie cutter generic heel shtick is pretty much your beginning and end so I guess we'd better buckle up to be bored out of our fucking skulls for the foreseeable.

If you've only dropped two matches last year son then sweet Jesus what was your opposition?

But I'm not an idiot. I know there's a good chance you were promised an International title run just for signing up. Despite you know, people having to work for rewards here in SWAT, except when they don't, I dunno it's still kind of a grey area but just like the pirate's code I guess it's more of a guideline than an actual rule.

Oh yeah I can totally see it.

[ Syberus makes his hands into a square frame to look through into the camera. ]

110% Syberus: You're absolutely the kind of “sort of good but not great but can string two coherent sentences together so what the hell” wrestler that SWAT management loves to bust out the silver platter for. I can see the fast track warming up for you here already – if you need me I'll be opening the card with Lucky Linda to earn a token place in a fatal four way title shot in a few months that I'm not allowed to win.

I assume you also know how to do a clothesline, or are you the kind of guy that lists things like “modified reverse pump handle 450” in your moveset. We'll see.

And then there's Trent Jones.

[ Syberus looks off camera. ]

110% Syberus: Wait has Trent actually mentioned wrestling yet or is he still filming that shitty bio pic no one asked for?

Alright forget it.

[ He walks off. ]

[𝓓𝓾𝓴𝓮 𝓚𝓸𝓼𝓵𝓸𝓯𝓯]

The arena goes pitch black as pyros start to light up throughout the arena as the arena fills with smoke and flames. A monster of a man slowly appears walking down the ramp as passes by men standing in hooded robes symbol for Chaos on them as they all hold the Book of Chaos in their hands. Pyros shoot flames into the air you can hear "Nightmare" by Avenged Sevenfold playing. Duke methodically enters the ring stepping over the top rope making his way to the center of the ring standing there like a God as he waits for Swat interviewer Warren Webber to speak.

Warren Webber
Welcome Duke now the world wants to know what your plan is for tonight's Rumble match? How do you plan on walking out the winner?

"The Russian Nightmare"
Warren, I don't need a plan, but before I answer your question let me tell you and these fans a little story...

Warren Webber nods his head as he lowers his microphone to listen to what Duke Kosloff has to say.

"The Russian Nightmare"
Only a few people saw the star fall from the sky. Only a few paid attention watching it cut a line of emerald fire across the star-studded lining of heaven; vivid green; lined with argent. There was no sound, as it dropped towards the earth, bent upon a path of self-destruction.

The first anybody knew, in that sparsely populated area, that something out of the ordinary had occurred, was a deep, rumbling vibration. It rang through the solid earth, waking people from their slumbers, and rattling the walls of their sparse homes; vibrating their walls, and destroying property. So heavy were the tremors, they even shook the buildings in the city of Moscow, some twenty or so kilometers away.

"The Russian Nightmare"
For a full ten minutes, the ground shook. People prayed for their salvation, convinced that the end of the world was upon them. Others accepted their fate, shivering, in their beds. Livestock squealed and squawked their terror, and dogs barked defiantly at the gyrating stars. All were convinced, that the end of days had come suddenly upon them.

But the world did not end the nightmares began.

As the tremors slowed and stopped. The world resumed its usual steadfast flow, as the stars settled back into their accustomed places in the heavens. Those who had prayed for salvation thanked god for their lives, and gathered up the threads of their lives, grateful to be alive. Slowly, the terrified animals calmed, and slept again, already forgetful of their previous terror. The eastern sky brightened, and dawn came, with the promise of a new day, and people went about their lives.

"The Russian Nightmare"
For weeks, the shaking of the earth was a wonder; the countless reasons as to the cause, a topic of discussion among the men in the fields, and the women in the marketplace. Many thought it the work of God and the Host; a result of the eternal battle to keep the Devil imprisoned in the depths of hell.

Representatives of the church seized upon this concept, to instill fear into their congregations, and to preach the wrath of the Lord, from the pulpit. The congregation, God-fearing people all, listened raptly and prayed for their eternal souls. Life went on, and the tremor was eventually forgotten; superseded by the harsh realities of day-to-day life, and existing. Only a few saw the star fall from the sky, yet its effect was profound on many.

The crowd stands there in confusion and interest at what Duke Kosloff is saying.

Warren Webber
Not to be rude but Duke what does that have to do with tonight's match or anything at all with SWAT or wrestling?

"The Russian Nightmare"
A hell of a lot Warren, you see it was that one night, that one event that set things in motion, for tonight's events. All of your stories about the wrath of God and the end of the world that the religions across the world want you to believe. But they did not prepare SWAT, Anthony Caffrey or even the XHF Network itself for the nightmare that was released upon them.

The crowd now standing in complete silence begins to understand a bit more of what Duke is saying.

"The Russian Nightmare"
I am that star the fell from the skies, I am the nightmare that was released upon the world, I am the reason why the churches fear the wrath of God. I am the reason the Americans hell the whole world fears the Russians.

Warren Webber
Hold up, there are those who would disagree what about Trent Jones, he just got a victory over you?

Duke's face begins to turn red as his expression turns sinister.

"The Russian Nightmare"
Trent Jones, the man called Mr. Bones, he better enjoy the only victory over me he will ever be allowed, and remember he only won by shutting the lid of a dumpster upon me not by submission, pinfall or hell even count-out. So while you want to talk about my losses let me make this clear and I won't talk much about him, Anthony Caffrey, the man who decided to jump the SWAT bandwagon only after seeing my success so far in the company. He loves to talk about his three victories over me yet he fails to let the world know they only came in multi-man matches as he knows he could never beat me one on one, I am his worst NIGHTMARE!!!

Duke points up at the overhead video tron that begins to show a simple picture of what could be a future match...



Warren Webber
Are you challenging Caffrey?

"The Russian Nightmare"
No, I'm not that will be the future of the Xcrown and the ending of the Rumble match tonight. You see Warren, now that SWAT holds the Xcrown they decide who fights for it and soon the champions Zoran will be trapped in his worst Nightmare.

"The Russian Nightmare"
Tonight I make my mark on SWAT, tonight I force the powers to be to recognize the true threat, tonight I show the world why I am monster among them, and why I am the one to beat.

"The Russian Nightmare"
Don't think I am overlooking anyone, Suzi Spits, Trentwood, Jackson, Eddie D, The Russian Assassin II, hell the whole KGB, even Paul Sutter himself will all know what "FEEL THE BURN" truly means as they 'Believe in the Nightmare"!!!

Duke drops the microphone as he turns and exits the ring...

[Jonnie Valentine]

[Open on Saturday Night Live. The set is  a grocery store checkout stand. "The Only Wrestler Your Aunt Knows" Jonnie Valentine is playing a customer but he is still wearing the SWAT World Heavyweight Championship. He puts an 18 pack of beer, chips, salsa, guacamole, and plastic cups on the conveyor belt. Kyle Mooney is playing a cashier. Mooney begins swiping them in, the silence is awkward] 


Kyle/Checkout Guy: So... you having a party? 


[Customer winces, expecting this question. His eyes lock with the cashier, making the cashier gulp] 


Jonnie/Checkout Guy: No! Alright?? This what I eat. I can't help that this happens to coincide with what people at these "par-tays" eat. Ok? I've never been to one! 


Kyle/Checkout Guy: Look... 


Jonnie/Checkout Guy: My mother abandoned me at a frat house when I was seven...months...old. I had to live off the land, foraging for food wherever I could. 


[Slaps the guac, Cashier jumps] 


Jonnie/Checkout Guy: A little guacamole here, maybe some pigs in a blanket. Whatever sustenance I could get to live! 


Kyle/Checkout Guy: Sir, I didn't... 


Jonnie/Checkout Guy: I'm not looking for pity. But I also deserve to enter a grocery store, buy the only foods I am accustomed to eating, and not be interrogated as to the conditions under which I masticate them. 


Kyle/Checkout Guy: Masticate? 


Jonnie/Checkout Guy: It means eat, you jerk. Look it up. Never been so humiliated in all my life... 


[The customer angrily wheels off and out of the store. Cashier, dumbfounded, watches him walk away] 


Kyle/Checkout Guy: He...he didn't pay... 


[Next customer played by Beck Bennet walks up and starts laying several sausages on the conveyor] 


Kyle/Checkout Guy: Having a part... 


Beck/Next Customer: Nope, these are all for sex.

[thecomedian]

Man: That'll be thirty dollars.

[It's an uber driver.  We pan to the backseat.  It's "The Golden God" Rally Jackson.]

Rally Jackson:  ::whipes a hooker's shit off his face as he says this::  Bill it to SWAT.  Whoever owns this outfit.

::getting out of the car::

Uber Driver:  I was just telling you what it came to.  It's billed to your card, you dipshit.  The year is 2020.

Rally Jackson:  Yeah good luck having that not declining.  ::shuts the door behind him::

Uber Driver:  Last time I pick up a one star rating.  On top of that, I have to disinfect the back seat because of your lady friend.

Rally Jackson:  Oh that's never coming out.

[The uber driver pulls out and nearly hits Rally in his big ass.]

Rally Jackson:  The Amazon Arena.  Feels like just a couple weeks ago I made my triumphant return against Benjamin Bitchfuck.  And just a few weeks before that I got an amazon gift card in my Christmas stocking.

::drinking it all in::
 
Yes, everything comes full circle.  

Tonight, we now have a battle royal to get through.  Do I think I'm going to win the whole thing?  I don't know, probably not.  I'd be hard pressed to find a guy able to lift me up, let alone throw me over the top rope.  But the internet nerds don't seem to think I'm going to win.  Nobody has me in their top four.  But what do those guys know?  Seriously, who is going to pick my fat ass up?  


Andew Karnage?  Maybe?  I mean I'm sure he's still on the sauce.

Tong Fairtex?  Doubtful.  Unless he wants a herniated disc.

Tuxedo Mask don't got the leg strength.  

[Rally continues on into the dressing room area.  Nobody is there to greet him at the door.  Nobody cares.  He made his triumphant return a few weeks back.  Now he's yesterdays news.  In fact, catering packed in and started leaving as soon as they saw him coming.]

Rally Jackson:  Yup, yesterday's news.  Like I'm imagining a narrator is probably saying.

I made my return and now all anybody can talk about is this $2,000,000 women's tournament and helicopters crashing into the sides of mountains.

It's been said that my leg entanglements won't help me in a battle royal scenario.

Well I beg to differ.

Picture Mohammed Khan trying to throw me over the top rope with a broken kneecap.

Imagine Seiji Shimuzu avoiding eliminantion with a torn acl.

Make some sense of Eddie D keeping both feet from hitting the floor with his ankle broken in two places.

The tools I bring to the ring can help me in any situation. 

And sure, I'm just here for the money.  I care less about a title shot than Tarrasque cares about his dental hygiene.  This is just another day of the week for me.  I got lawsuits to worry about, child support backpay to catch up on, type 2 diabetes, and heart disease.  Getting in that ring and rolling around the mats with other grown men is basically my day off.

And it's in my lack of caring where my advantage lays.  Every other guy is going to be so stressed out about winning and getting this title shot at the belt and me?  That belt won't even fit around my waist.  When Alex Whethers is getting all panicy about this shit, the Golden God is as cool as a cucumber.

Cucumber?  Where?  Is it pickled and dipped in chocolate?

[Fade.]

[radu]

(Day 1.)

Sabrina Sinstone: WHAT do they mean DAY ONE?

TJ Zousa: Best not to think about it.

(Spins her.  She almost bumps into Brien O. Thomas, who is slow dancing with Homewrecker Jones.  BOT is glad that Sabrina stepped on his foot.  It keeps him awake.)

Brien O. Thomas: These marathons can go days...

Sabrina Sinstone: Hang on-

(Zousa spins her back into his waiting arms.  The SWAT Enhancement Talent army have signed up for a dance marathon by their defacto leader, "Rhumba Rumbler" TJ Zousa.  BOT looks suicidally depressed.  Sabrina seems slightly edgy, but Zousa covers for her distracted nature with his natural rhythm.  In the background, The Indian Assassins have been disqualified for trying to bring backup dancers.)

TJ Zousa: That's the spirit - loosen up a little bit.  Its all in the hips.

Sabrina Sinstone: How can you be so calm?  There are going to be serious consequences for New Year's Nightmare.*

<*When we last saw the SWAT Enhancement Army they were gang beating Zoran Sainovic for firing jobber extraordinaire Brian Acres.  Sainovic had canned the perpetual opener as a head game against Radu Matei.  The idea was that following Pesci's departure, it wouldn't matter that they sent their boss to the hospital, because Zoran would be fired too.  It was sound reasoning.
- Bombastic Ben>

TJ Zousa <putting his hand on Sabrina's hip as he waltzes her away from a groaning BOT>: We all knew what we were getting into - you mess with one of us, you mess with all of us.

Sabrina Sinstone: I know that.  And there was a possibility that there would be consequences.  But Zoran WON the X*Crown.  They aren't firing him now.  We need to come up with a plan.  You have your day job at the old folk's home to fall back on, but some of us need SWAT.  You're a very good dancer, TJ, but I feel like we could be doing more productive things right now.

TJ Zousa: What do you see?

(Dipping Sabrina, Zousa holds her upside down just in time to see BOT across the court, bumped into by 8 other couples at the same time.  He almost feints.  At the same time Homewrecker Jones busts him in the lip a couple of times.  She can't seem to throw her hands in the air without scratching BOT in the eye.  Jazz hands!  ...he'll never see again.)

Sabrina Sinstone: You're trying to make Brien take his own life so that people will let you win out of sympathy.

(How did she know?  Play it cool Zousa.)

TJ Zousa: We have the royal rumble coming up.  A desolate no man's land in which 25 guys - maybe 30 with guest stars - go at it for respect and a place on an increasingly growing roster.  A lot of bodies colliding into each other with no flavour.

(With a series of quick spins, Zousa manages to waltz Sabrina away from a half dozen other teams.)

TJ Zousa: Not unlike the dance floor.  So we are here to prepare for the rumble.  A match with so many bodies flying around, that by the time they realize the enhancement talent that should have gone first is in the final four - it will be too late.  The Fairtax brothers promised to brutalize The O-Z for that Zoran attack.  What if, in the chaos, we're able to dump the world tag team champions over the top rope?  Zoran might want to fire us, but not before Tong and Phantom can even the score.  ...and by that point Radu will be in charge.  The rumble is our chance to shine, and what we're doing here is getting us in peak condition.

Brien O. Thomas <spraying blood on the judges>: AAARGH MY EYE!

Homewrecker Jones: Stop bobbing.  I just got my nails done, and if you break one with that lumpy face of yours, I swear to baby jesus I will break my 20 inch stiletto off in your ass.

Brien O. Thomas: Sorry miss.

TJ Zousa: Plus if we get early numbers - that's a LONG match.... what better way to work on our conditioning than a dance marathon?  These things can last weeks!

Sabrina Sinstone: I hope you know what you're doing.

TJ Zousa <stopping>: Trust me.

Brien O. Thomas <yelling across the room>: LET'S CHANGE PARTNERS!

TJ Zousa <yelling back>: YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO CATCH UP FIRST!

(With a devilish smile, TJ spins Sabrina again, leaving BOT to get K.O.d by Homewrecker Jones.)

[Lucky Linda]

”Folks, i am currently joined by one of the Favourites going into tonight’s TWO MILLION DOLLAR tourney, Lucky Linda La Fey” states Glamorous Glenda. She is standing beside Linda who is wearing her “Wanna Get Lucky” t shirt and they are in front of a SWAT banner. “Linda. You’re thoughts on tonight’s event please?”

“My thoughts on tonight’s event?” Repeats Linda, pondering ...... “Hmmm ... here are my thoughts. Tonight EIGHT of the very best Women Wrestlers in the world are going to do battle for the biggest prize ever offered in Womens Wrestling.” Linda smiles. “Apart from the 2 mil my old tag team partner and best friend slash worst enemy Avery McCullen won two years ago.” Linda grins. “I watched that night as she debuted and made her name here in SWAT in style. Lots have come and gone since then, but what remains the same is ME! Lucky Linda La Fey! I am the heart beat of the Amazons division! I am the life and soul of SWAT!”

“I united Team SWAT to battle the KGB because i was fed up Glenda. I was sick and tired of them running rough shod over the rest of us, so, i banded the locker room together. Avery had to get mixed up in that too, so with Team SWAT’s blessing, i stood aside from the War Games to finish that messy business with Avery. “

“It was indeed very messy.” Agrees Glenda.

“Pride is what it was. Pride and competiveness.” Linda nods to herself. “Avery and I, we are made of the same cloth, neither can or ever will back down from a fight. We wanted to be the best. Others got in her ear, namely her husband, and our team was no more. Then the real fun began, we beat the living snot out of each other all across the world. Neither giving an inch, neither wanting too.” Linda looks to the centre camera. “We took our eye of the ball for the gold, and we became obsessed with defeating each other, bettering the other. It was some of the best battles of my life, and i loved every second of it.”

“Then it all came to a head at New Years Nightmare, and now, Avery is gone from SWAT. Then, something strange happened, you two hugged and left like nothing had ever even happened, what was that about?” Asks Glenda

“We are strange creatures, aren’t we Glenda.” Linda grins. “See, we are Irish. We grow up fighting. It’s all we know. After the fight is over, you shake hands and go have a drink together. Some think its mad, for us, it’s all we know.”

“Fair enough” replies a bemused Glenda. “Now though, we move forward, and we have the No Man’s Land tournament. “

“Yes! We do, don’t we Glenda. And who have i drawn in the first round?” asks Linda. “The Violent Vixen Suzi Spitz.” Linda answers herself, Glenda was about to answer the question for her and wasn’t really pleased that Linda was asking herself. “Violent Vixen! You have broken down the walls for all the girls here at SWAT! All over the World! You did the unthinkable, and WON THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!” Linda looks truly impressed. “That sure was something. What then though Suzi? You fight the great Jonnie Valentine, he defeats you, and then what? Do you demand another match? Do you vow to regain what you had and everyone was so proud to see you capture? Do you plot and scheme and plan revenge?” Asks Linda

Glenda goes to answer her, but Linda gives her the look and she stops right there. “No!” Linda again answers herself. “You go and join him and his cohorts in the Society of the New Breed.” Linda shakes her head. “What a bitter disappointment. “

“You are not a fan of the Society?” asks Glenda.

“I am not a fan of anyone who needs to surround themselves with others to help them fight their battles. Stooges who pat you on the back and tell each other how great they are. They are worse than the Bandits if you ask me. At least they will tell you to your face they are coming for you.”

“Wow. Mighty strong words Linda.”

“I call it like i see Glenda.” Replies Linda. “Suzi! I am coming for you tonight! I am coming for that 2 Million dollars! Then, I am coming for the Amazons Championship!”

“This match, Linda Vs Suzi, it could well be the final of the tourney but the brackets have fallen with it now in the first round” states Glenda.

“Unlucky for her.” Replies Linda. “Violent Vixen ... You are about to step in the ring with Lady Luck herself, and you have to ask yourself one question. Do you feel Lucky? Well? Do ya? PUNK!? Linda stares intensely into the camera as we fade.

[SWAT Team]

Jeremy Tucker: It is time to get this women’s tournament underway the winner gets two million dollars. I got to ask Andrew what would you do with that kinda of money?

Andrew Fulton: Buy a house, brand new car, throw one hell of a party.

Jeremy Tucker: So blow it.

Andrew Fulton: You sound like some 80 year old trying to educate me on paying my bills or pay of my credit cards or whatever else. Live a little Jerry.

Jeremy Tucker: Any event let's go in the ring for tonight first match, and it will be a good one.

Andrew Fulton: A main event anywhere. Take it away Frank..

Frank Salazar.. Tonight’s opening match is a first round match, of the women’s tournament. The winner will walk away with two million dollars.

LOUD CHEERS ARE HEARD THROUGH THE ARENA.....

Frank Salazar: Introducing first. ....

[Cat Scratch Fever by Pantera blades over the sound system. ]

Frank Salazar: She weighs in at 215 pounds from Savannah, Georgia here is Wildcat Lynn Brewster.

[Wildcat comes out, as she stands there, and when the lyrics start she walks down to the ring. She gets up on the edge of the ring apron, looking around at the crowd, then gets into the ring and removes her jacket. ]

Jeremy Tucker: Certainly one of the odds on favourites.

Andrew Fulton: I bet she feels like two million dollars as Joe Pesci is no longer around and thanks to her bitter rival.

Frank Salazar: And her opponent...

[Courtesy Call by Thousand Foot Krutch blast over the sound system... ]

Frank Salazar: She weighs in at 135 pounds from the Jersey Shore here is The Jersey Devil, Joanne Canelli.

[Joanne comes out from behind the curtain with Bruno and Frostbite right behind her. ]

Jeremy Tucker: Why is Bruno and Frostbite out here?

Andrew Fulton: To lend support to their fellow KGB member.. What is wrong with that?

Jeremy Tucker: Knowing the KGB they are going to help her win.

Andrew Fulton: I told you the KGB is a tight group and they support each other.

[Joanne is in the ring as Bruno heads over to the opposite side of the ring standing there with his arms folded. Frostbite is walking over to the announce table ad he sits down next to Andrew Fulton.]

Jeremy Tucker: Frostbite, why are you out here?

Frostbite: I’m simply out here to help you guys with my insights on this match and it is a great one. Also to lend support to Joanne.

Andrew Fulton: I told you Jerry. Frostbite is such a great guy, just joined the KGB and already supporting a team member. What a team player.

Jeremy Tucker: Why don't you two get a room.

Frostbite: And you have to put up with this guy every week for how many years.

Andrew Fulton: It is not easy but it pays the bills.

[The bell sounds....]

Jeremy Tucker: The two ladies circle each other. Frostbite since you are at here, how would you approach this match.

Frostbite.. Look if I am Joanne, I would get Lynn on the mat and keep her there. She is one of the strongest woman in the business, get her off her vertical base. For Lynn, use that power as best as you can wear down Joanne.

Andrew Fulton: You see Jerry, you would have never thought about that, maybe I can get Zoran to have Frostbite to come out more often.

Jeremy Tucker: The two lockup, as Lynn tosses her to the mat. Joanne gets to her feet, as she picks her up once again, and again she is tossed back to the mat.

Andrew Fulton: What is Joanne Doing?

Frostbite: This is a feeling out process nothing more. Joanne wants to see if Lynn had it tonight, and right now Lynn is ready to roll. No need to worry.

Jeremy Tucker: The two lock up again as Joanne goes in behind, but Lynn connects with an elbow right in her jaw. She turns around quickly and she grabs her and connects with an over the head suplex. Lynn walks over and she pulls Joanne to her feet and picks her high up in the air and drops her back to the mat with a gorilla slam. Lynn hits a sitting senton splash. Lynn for the cover..

1

Andrew Fulton: Joanne kicks out. Lynn pulls Joanne to her feet, but in the process she catches Lynn with a knee strike to her head. Lynn backs up, as Joanne races into the ropes but she is caught with a Powerslam from Lynn and another cover.

1

2

Jeremy Tucker: She kicks out. Lynn pulls Joanne to her feet as she picks her up for a high vertical suplex, but Joanne rolls her up in a small package..

1
2

Andrew Fulton: She kicks out. Joanne gets to her feet, but as she does she races right at Lynn who catches her with a monster clothesline that makes do a 360.

Frostbite: Bruno, pull her out of the ring.

Jeremy Tucker: Joanne lands close to the ropes and Bruno gets her out of the ring.

Frostbite: Excuse me guys, I need to lend an ear to my fellow KGB members.

Andrew Fulton: What a great guy Frostbite is, he leaves here to help out Joanne.

Jeremy Tucker: Frostbite is in Joanne’s ear as the ref is telling him to back away. Frostbite does so.

Frostbite: I got to tell Zoran about this ref in the ring. I think he needs to be fired. I was simply giving Joanne some advice, nothing more and he wants me out of here.

Andrew Fulton: I am sure Zoran can fix that.

Jeremy Tucker: Joanne gets back in the ring, in the meantime, Bruno is up on the ring apron jumping on the ref about something.

Frostbite: Probably getting on the ref about why he told me to back off of Joanne.

Jeremy Tucker: Lynn sees Bruno, but Joanne comes in from behind and catches Lynn with a low blow. Bruno jumps down from the ring apron.

Frostbite: You got to love it when a plan comes together.

Andrew Fulton: See Jerry..

Jeremy Tucker: Joanne drops to the mat and connects with multiple headlbutts right to Lynn’s face. Joanne begins to lay in a few hard rights and lefts to Lynn’s skull. Joanne lays in a few elbow strikes as well.

Frostbite: I think Lynn pissed her off, keep going.

Andrew Fulton: Joanne pulls Lynn to her feet and whips her hard into the far corner, as the impact makes Lynn drop to her the canvas. Joanne walks over and she delivers a mudhole stomp. She backs up as she gets to the middle of the ring and races in and hits a dropkick right in Lynn face. She pulls out into the middle of the ring and goes for the cover.

1
2

Jeremy Tucker: She kicks out..

Frostbite: What a slow count, we need to fire this guy.

Jeremy Tucker: Joanne is dragging Lynn over to the ropes as she places her leg on the bottom rope, she jumps up and comes down with all of her weight across her left leg.

Frostbite: Great strategy here, working over that leg keeping Lynn on the mat.

Andrew Fulton: Joanne pulls her back out to the center of the ring and grabs that left leg and gets her in a half crab. The pain is etched on Lynn face as she is trying to reach the ropes. Joanne pulling back even more on that leg.

Jeremy Tucker: Lynn reaching out until she gets to the bottom ropes. Lynn drops to the floor.

Frostbite: Must give Lynn some credit going to the floor and getting away from Joanne trying to regroup.

Andrew Fulton: Joanne drops to the floor, as she grabs Lynn’s head and slams it right into the steel steps. Joanne grabs Lynn by her hair as she tries to whip her into the guard rail, but Lynn reverses it. she sends Joanne into the guard rail and the impact is so hard she goes over and right into the crowd.

Frostbite: Come on Joanne.

Jeremy Tucker: Worried there Frostbite?

Frostbite: Everything is under control.

Andrew Fulton: Lynn walks over as she pulls Joanne by her hair as she picks her up and hits a high vertical suplex back over the guard rail and onto the hard floor. Lynn turns around as she gives Frostbite a death stare.

Frostbite: Anytime Lynn.

Jeremy Tucker: Lynn pulls Joanne to her feet as she tosses her back into the ring. Lynn slides back into the ring as she is stalking Joanne as she waits to get to her feet she races in and catches her with a running kneelift. Joanne not going down as Lynn races into the ropes and connects with a running bulldog. She goes for the cover.

1
2

Andrew Fulton: Joanne just licks out. Lynn pulls Joanne to her feet as she picks her up and connects with a tilt a whirl backbreaker once again another cover.

1
2

Jeremy Tucker: She kicks out again.

Frostbite: Joanne let's go.

Andrew Fulton: Lynn pulls Joanne to her feet as she picks her up and places her on the top ropes. Lynn goes up, but Joanne is blocking it, so much so that she hits Lynn with a gourdbuster from the top ropes. Lynn is flat on the mat. Joanne comes flying off and connects with a legdrop. She goes for the cover.

1
2

Jeremy Tucker: Joanne races in as she is trying to apply the sharpshooter but Lynn kicks her off, she goes back over to Lynn who jumps to her feet and catches her a surprise hurricanrana out of nowhere she hooks the leg.

1
2

Andrew Fulton: She just kicks out. Frostbite you might need to give her some more words of wisdom because it is not looking good.

Frostbite: You might be right.

Jeremy Tucker: Lynn grabs Joanne’s legs as she slaps in her own sharpshooter. Joanne is in some serious pain.

Frostbite: Hold on Joanne you got this.

Andrew Fulton: Yes hold on.

Jeremy Tucker: What is this a cheerleading section.. Lynn is pulling back but as Joanne crawls and makes it to the ropes. Lynn pulls Joanne to her feet and lays in a few nice uppercuts , slings her right into a near corner. She puts Joanne on the top ropes as she goes up.

Andrew Fulton: Joanne is fighting her off as Lynn drops back to the mat but she races back in and kicks the back of her right knee. Lynn pulls her off the top ropes and connects with a sit down powerbomb. She makes the cover.

1
2

Jeremy Tucker: She just kicks out.

Frostbite: Bruno you got to do something.

Andrew Fulton: Lynn pulls Joanne to her feet as she grabs her neck as she climbs the top ropes in attempt for a tornado set, but Joanne counters it and catches her with reverse atomic drop. She races in with a clothesline, but Lynn ducks as Joanne turns around Lynn catches her with a massive superkick. She drops down for the cover.

1
2

Jeremy Tucker: She just gets a shoulder up. Frostbite it appears you are getting quite worried.

Frostbite : Joanne has this.

Andrew Fulton: Lynn pulls Joanne to her feet and drops her back to the mat with a short arm clothesline. She pulls Joanne back to her feet as she hits her with a fallaway slam. Lynn races to the outside as she climbs the top ropes. Joanne gets to her feet as Lynn comes off, she tries for what appears to be another hurricanrana, but Joanne counters into a powerbomb.

Jeremy Tucker: Joanne flips Lynn over onto her feet and connects from out of nowhere with the Welcome To the Jersey Shore. The cover..

1
2
3

Frank Salazar: Here is your Joanne Cannelli..

Jeremy Tucker: What an opening round match..

Andrew Fulton: It was but the KGB pulls it out again.

Frostbite: You know it. Guys if you will excuse me, I will go and congrats my fellow KGB member.

Jeremy Tucker: A great match between two great stars ... we will be back in a minute.

[Jonnie Valentine]

[Open up on Saturday Night Live as Weekend Update is going on]


Colin Jost: It was reported that John Bolton transmitted his manuscript to the White House a month ago, So if the Trump administration had any suspicion that these facts were going to emerge, then it would mean they intentionally risked putting Senate Republicans in this situation. White House officials responded that asking President Trump to read anything is like a 3 year commitment.”


[mild laughter]


Michael Che: Now here to comment on the state of Saturday Night Live. 1970's Lorne Michaels! 


[The audience cheers wildly as "The Only Wrestler Your Aunt Knows" Jonnie Valentine wheels into frame on the desk chair dressed as Lorne Michaels in 1970's pajamas with the SWAT World Championship still wrapped around his waist. Paul Simon and Mick Jagger stand behind him, bored]


Michael Che: Wow, Mick Jagger? I mean...


Jonnie/70's Lorne: Oh, that's Mick. Have you met Mick?


Michael Che: (incredulously) No?!


Jonnie/70's Lorne: Mick, Michael. Michael, Mick. 


Michael Che: Nice to meet you. 


Mick Jagger: I'm bored, mate. 


Jonnie/70's Lorne: Yeah, Mick's bored Michael so I'm gonna make this fast. I just woke up, Carly Simon was having a thing at the Chateau Marmont. Have you met Carly?


Michael Che: I haven't.


Jonnie/70's Lorne: Mm-kay. Well, this is totally my fault for sleeping so late but did I see Rob Schnieder is voicing polar bear movies? Has cocaine gotten that expensive? 


Michael Che: I'm not sure. But yes. 


Jonnie/70's Lorne: Pity. Speaking of pities, I saw Victoria Jackson's gone crazy and Dennis Miller and Bill O'Reilly are a stand up team? Someone tell me Randy Quaid is OK?


[Laughter]


[Paul Simon starts flicking Colin Jost's ear]


Colin Jost: Ow. Ow. Please stop.


Jonnie/70's Lorne: Colin. Colin could you please stop harassing Paul Simon? Please and thank you. Where's Lorraine? 


Michael Che: Lorraine Newman? Jeez, I'm not sure.


Jonnie/70's Lorne: She usually reads my cards. 


Michael Che: Ok, we'll try and find someone to read your cards. 


Jonnie/70's Lorne: Norm MacDonald's weird now, right?


Michael Che: He is. He's a little weird now. 


[Paul Simon pushes Colin Jost's papers around]


Colin Jost: Please stop. 


Mick Jagger: Oh quit crying, mate. 


Jonnie/70's Lorne: Yes, Colin, really. 


Colin Jost: My apologies. 


Jonnie/70's Lorne: This is fun. Almost as fun as that girl I sent to Chris Farley...


[Feed abruptly cuts to your local commercial break, beginning with a jewelry store commercial]


Giannis: (thick Greek accent) Hello. Do you have gold just lying round? Or, maybe your mother does? Maybe the guy who's place you clean? I don't know, I'm just saying we have best rates in buying gold. Take your leftover gold and use it to

[Graphics start]
Go on vacation.
Or pay bills.
Or buy meth.
Buy a Valentine's Day gift.
Or buy Valentine's meth, Giannis don't care what young lovers do. 


[Giannis turns to second camera]


Giannis: Giannis knew love once. We used to chase one another along the beaches of Mykonos. I thought that time would never end. But her family... I never... I think about that beach every day.


[Giannis turns to first camera]


Giannis: So come on down to Arianna Huffington I Still Love You Jewlery Store and Pawn Shop on Olympic and Washington! Turn your trash into treasure! 

[alexwithers]

Last Night in NYC

Alex Withers: Miss me…

The shot was filled with darkness, in the distance the sounds of traffic speeding down the freeway, sirens from police cars, the horn of impatient drivers looking to get home at night. A flicker of light came from a fire barrel just to the right of the camera shot. But the voice, the voice was a familiar one to many.

Alex Withers: You must have… I mean I’ve been sitting back at home watching this cesspit stink the business out. I’ve watched week after week after week as men disgrace the sport of professional wrestling by pretending to be stars. SWAT, four letters that have been synonymous with mediocrity the second I got injured. SWAT, four letters that define what is wrong with the sport of professional wrestling.. Look around, look around at the companies that are flying high and pulling in the `fans, rolling the money in big fucking lorries… each and every one of them flogging the fuck out of talent that are not fit to lace my boots. SWAT.. Stupid Wrestling Asshats Territory… until now.. Because now a company destined for the fire barrel

Slowly the figure stands up, moving closer to the fire barrel, the light shines and there stood the figure of Alex Withers. Withers a man who made an instant impact in SWAT months ago was standing there once again on SWAT television. His quadricep injury had kept him out of action and he had become one of the hottest free agents in the world. Rumours had circulated that he had signed for a lot of other companies but here he was, dressed in a black Ramones tee shirt, a pair of jeans wearing a pair of dark shades that covered his piercing icy blue gaze.



Alex Withers: Whether you want to admit it or not… you have missed me, I made an impact on this company in just two months that has never been forgotten, my name was on the lips of every single asshat in the back, my name was on the lips of the industry because Alex Withers wasn’t saving SWAT… he was pulling it on to his shoulders and bringing it to a whole new level. I am the spark that will ignite this company to a whole new level… and the powers that be know it, which is why yours truly signed to a very, very lucrative deal to a wrestling company that…is…beneath…me.

Withers scoffed to himself, he slowly took off his shades and tucked them in to the neckline of his tee shirt. He raised his eyebrows and opened his arms up

Alex Withers: Soak it all in people… You’re looking at the future of this company, the star of this industry… You’re looking at an Enigma, a one of a kind, athletically defined, technically refined… you are looking at the best in the business. And I’m lacing up the boots, walking into a SWAT ring and proving that there is nobody in this company that can come close to doing what I do.

Withers starts to move away as the streetlights now keep Withers visible

Alex Withers: Now I can almost hear you jackasses shouting from every rooftop, look at Alex Withers no selling again, thinking he is better than everyone else… no selling SWAT, no selling his opponents. See this isn’t a game to me, this isn’t play make believe, this isn’t where nerds hide behind a keyboard and pretend to be experts, pretend to know what the hell this business is about. This is about being the best… and making sure every damn person in the world is left in no doubt. I don’t sell SWAT because I sell tickets that define the future of SWAT, I don’t sell the idiots in the locker room because they are the people who I beat down to sell the tickets… I am a one-man marketing machine and I don’t apologise to anyone. You think you can beat me then please by all means line up, sign up and get to the ring and do your worst because if and believe me it is a very big fucking if… if you beat me, your career skyrockets. I sell the only important thing there is to sell… tickets. You idiots watching this will look for the next time SWAT is in your time, you will look to make sure I am on the card and then you will hand over your hard earned money, your child support, the money made from selling your dead mothers jewellery and you will hand it over to the company that pays me a fucking fortune.

Withers takes a deep breath, his arrogance was off the scale, it was true that his contract was lucrative, but his self-belief was flying well in to the conceited bracket. Standing by the door of the SWAT Amazons Arena he smirked back towards the camera

Alex Withers: When I walk through these doors, there are is no turning back… SWAT will never, be the same. Every single one of you will watch me light up the card night after night after night and with every passing moment your star… your credibility… your careers will fade to black

With that Alex opened the door and stepped though, where a very quick cut was made to the night of No Man’s Land.

No Man’s Land
The SWAT Amazons Arena, New York City

There was a buzz in the arena as the show was well under way already we had seen some incredible action, the wrestlers were talking a good game and were following it up with some insane in ring action that had the packed audience on their feet. It was a stacked card and standing in the middle of the excitement, dressed ready for action was none other than Alex Withers. Glaring down the barrel of the camera a small smirk was forced across his face

Alex Withers: This is it huh? Tonight is the night, tonight is the night that the best in the business gets in to that ring and does what he does better than anyone else, and what better place to start than in the Royal Rumble where the winner is fast tracked to a shot at the SWAT World Title shot. Over 25 wrestlers will get in to that ring with one aim… one objective… one dream and at the end of it all there will be just the one left… with the aim, hit. The objective, complete and the dream fulfilled. Now I’m not going to reel off every name, we haven’t got the time and frankly half of these tools don’t deserve to get a mention from The Enigma.

Withers takes a deep breath and shakes his head

Alex Withers: But I’ve heard enough to know that most of you see this as your route to the top, I know that you are all going to get in to that ring and do everything you possibly can to get this done, I know that there are depths that you are willing to go to that maybe you have never been to before because that is how important this is… I respect the fact that in this match I’m going to have to be at my best, I am going to have to have eyes at the back of my ass and I am going to have to prove that I am every bit as good as I say I am because if I’m not… men like Duke Kosloff, men like Timless Alex Turner are going to be gunning for me. I am not going in to this match with eyes wide shut… nah, I’m going in to this match knowing that every jackass in the match is going to be listening to this and looking forward to proving me wrong… and to each and every one of them I say this…

Withers takes a step closer to the camera and lowers the tone of his voice, his eyes become a glacial like stare as he speaks just above hushed whispers

Alex Withers: Valentine and the Pyschotic Goth are fucking praying that the winner of this match isn’t Alex Withers… because they know just like the world knows that I am the cream of the crop, I’ll rise to the top, stomp your face in to the floor, not one of you will want to come back for more… those of you who know me, know me as the best, those of you who don’t get ready bitches you’ll fall just like the rest.

A smile develops at his little rhyme

Alex Withers: Twenty five other men are going to hit that ring and each one of them know that if they eliminate Alex Withers their careers are shot in to the limelight, they become instant house hold names. So, bring it on… bring everything you have got, meet me in that ring and see first hand why I am everything I say I am. And if… IF you throw me over the top rope know this… your name will be in lights, but every move you make I’ll be there getting ready for the type of revenge that will mean your jaw will need re-wiring. Boys in case you didn’t notice I am not going in to this match to make an impact, I’m not going in to this match to re-introduce myself to SWAT, nah… I am going to this match ready to prove that I am the best in this company, that I am the best in this sport and that each and every single one of you are left in no doubt that Alex Withers is, was, and forever will remain Everything You Will Never Be!

With that Withers nodded his head and headed over right cricking his neck as he moved waiting for the big match

[Phoenix Roost]

[The scene opens on Albion Gale and Seiji Shimuzu standing in front of a SWAT banner. They’re in the interview area, though none of the SWAT interviewers are there with them. It’s just Albion looking into a camera while Seiji is to the side, his eyes mainly on her. Albion is wearing an expression of exaggerated confusion.]

Gale: Hey Seiji, I got a question for you.

[Seiji raises an eyebrow.]

Seiji: Yeah?

Gale: How long has it been since, and I quote, “The Best Show That SWAT Has Done Yet?”

Seiji: Well I wasn’t around for it, and my brother never really got a good handle on how these shows that get broadcast in pieces work with the timestream, but my best guess is about two months.

[Albion does some slow, continuous nodding, like she’s the interviewer on some talking head pundit show pretending to understand what’s going on.]

Gale: Okay, interesting. Next question. Did I ever say word one about any weapons?

Seiji: You sure didn’t. We got that text from Kaji, and you looked upset about it, but you never mentioned anything about any weapons.

Gale: I see. Let’s change the subject. You saw the card backstage, right?

Seiji: Yup.

Gale: This is an eight-woman tournament for the big cash prize. Is Kim in it?

Seiji: Nnnnnnope.

Gale: Was Roxy on the card?

Seiji: Technically...?

Gale: As something other than arm candy.

Seiji: Definitely not.

Gale: I just wanted to make sure I hadn’t completely lost my mind when I walked into the arena tonight. I know I’m not in my comfort zone, but words still have meaning, a fact over which the Hired Killers could probably use some refreshing.

Seiji: Maybe you could help with that?

[Albion narrows her eyes a bit.]

Gale: I’ll do my best. Anyone who has eyes and ears and brain cells to rub together in this arena has probably figured out that speaking is not my strong suit. In my home company, which I will not bother naming since it has been made amply clear to me that no one in this building gives even half of a shit about my previous accomplishments, I spoke only when I was compelled to, and I got on with the business of kicking people’s asses. To put it lightly, some months I was more compelled than other months, and I am hardly an immortal, unbeatable juggernaut even in the Windy City.

But when someone with a chip on their shoulder comes along and says something profoundly stupid about me or the state of things, I feel like I have to pipe up. Now I fully admit that I have not even come close to scratching the surface of the SWAT back catalog, but I did a bit of searching for Jade, and that’s how I found the interview where you bragged about your assault rifles in front of your husbands. The posturing did you no good, of course, but I’m not here to dredge up old failures of yours.

I will, however, tout an imminent one.

While it is a fact that I’ve never wrestled anyone that brought a gun with them or carried it around, I’ve been in the ring with some properly vicious people, and they beat the absolute dog shit out of me. And I still beat them in the end. I don’t know what your plan is for our match, but I’ll go ahead and tell you my plan, because it’s not one you can ruin.

My plan is to go out to the arena when they play my music, step through those ropes, be the best damn wrestler I can be, and endure whatever dumb bullshit you or your friends can throw at me. And when you’ve worn yourself out, I will put you down, then crash down on top of you with Purple Rain, and I’ll go face Joanne Canelli in the semi-finals.

But you have friends in high places, right? I’m no stranger to friends running interference, which is why this guy is here.

[Albion jabs a thumb to the side, pointing to Seiji.]

Gale: Do I have a whole stable of friends? No. But I have Seiji, and I trust him more than any of the KGB could possibly trust each other in a group populated with at least one turncoat. (Again, I haven’t had a chance to dig through the whole back catalog, but I’ve been watching wrestling a long time. I know how groups like them work. As soon as any of their members start to feel a bit big for their britches, or if the winds start to blow against them, they will scatter to the corners of the earth so fast our heads will spin.)

So don’t think I’m going into this match thinking this is going to be a clean fight. I’m going to go into it with the intention of playing it straight, but I am prepared for this to deteriorate into a brawl. It won’t be the first time and it won’t be the last time. Is it in my best interest? Hell no, but at least it won’t surprise me. So bring all the forces of hell that you can bring to bear.

[Albion pauses a bit, edges of her lips curling up.]

Gale: After the darkest night, the light of dawn seems all the brighter.

[Albion keeps that smug grin on her face as the feed cuts away.]

[SWAT Team]

Jeremy Tucker: Coming up is our next match in the women's tournament. It's been great so far, but how can they keep up this pace?

Andrew Fulton: It's a mystery, Jerry. I've already sweat through two jackets I have. Luckily I always bring spares.

[Fulton puts on a new plaid jacket]

Jeremy Tucker: That one smells worse.

Andrew Fulton: I didn't say I washed them.

Jeremy Tucker: Two veterans match up in the first round, Jade and Albion Gale. Gale says she is here to bring light to the darkness of SWAT with the power vacuum left by Joe Pesci.

Andrew Fulton: First match and she already wants to be my boss? I know one thing, I'll never call her Mum, Jerry!

Jeremy Tucker: That's tough but fair, Andy.

["Street Fight (On the Sunset Strip)" By Guns N' Roses plays and the audience boos. Jade comes to the ring slowly and ominously accompanied by her twin sister Kim]

Jeremy Tucker: Jade looking determined and dangerous, relishing her first chance in a tournament in quite a while.

Andrew Fulton: She is one of the top physical specimens in this tournament and her training regiment is legendary.

Jeremy Tucker: She may be the best suited for this tournament with her endurance

[Jade jumps on the ring apron and does a sunset flip kip up before standing in the center of the ring looking slowly from side to side before slowly and ominously taking off her dark shades and placing them in her trench coat and slowly and ominously taking off her trench coat glaring as she slowly goes to her corner continuing to glare at the opposite corner and her sister does the same thing before giving her advice]

Frank Salazar: "The following contest is part of the first round of the $2,000,000 Women's Tournament. It is scheduled for one fall, featuring first from Bangkok, Thailand; Standing 5 feet 10 inches; Weighing 150 pounds...JADE!!!"

[The Amazons Arena jeers. Then “Invidia” by Yoko Shimomura starts playing over the speakers, and during the slow open, the sounds of distant thunder and wind are piped in as well. There is a louder thunderclap at the drop, and water starts to pelt the stage in a simulated downpour. Albion walks out onto the stage, a black trench coat on over her ring gear, and she stands proudly with her arms out in the deluge, Seiji accompanying her.]

Jeremy Tucker: Albion Gale has won a few tournaments...

Andrew Fulton: But not this one.

Jeremy Tucker: Only Avery has won this one.

Andrew Fulton: Still, I got her.

Jeremy Tucker: But she has expressed some reservations about it being a one night tournament. Again, Jade is very well conditioned, and Gale hoping to conserve her energy could wind up costing her the main event.

[After a few seconds, the “rain” stops and she strides down to the ring. Compared to when her entrance theme started and all the storm sounds, the Amazons Arena feels positively calm for Albion now. As the song’s tempo increases, Albion’s pace quickens until she is in the ring]

Jeremy Tucker: She is a very accomplished veteran of the XWA where Albion won the Television Championship, the Supreme Championship and won the Lord of the Ring.

Andrew Fulton: But no one's got her back like the KGB has Jade's.

Jeremy Tucker: Seiji Shimuzu has proven over time to be there when she needs him.

[At this point she dramatically tears open her trench coat, revealing her ring attire underneath. She holds her arms out as though soaking in some sun (or mirroring how she stood in the “storm”) before removing her coat and draping it over the top rope where a stagehand retrieves it and tucks it away next to the timekeeper. She then does some last minute stretches to prepare for the upcoming match]

Frank Salazar: "And her opponent is from Evansville, Indiana; She stands 5 feet 10 inches tall; Weighing 164 pounds...ALBION GALE!!!"

[The New York fans give Gale a huge pop as she tries to block it out. Referee Tommy Milligan signals for the bell as Kim leaves the ring]

Jeremy Tucker: Jade and Albion lock up in a collar and elbow tie-up. They jockey for position.

Andrew Fulton: Albion Gale grabs a side headlock. She flips Jade over into a headlock takedown.

Referee: 1...(Jade rolls her over into a cradle)

Referee: 1...(Albion Gale kicks out)

Jeremy Tucker: Jade snatches Albion Gale into a front chancery.

Andrew Fulton: Jade pulls up on Gale's head, using her own body to suffocate her.

[Albion Gale works her way to her feet and then backdrops Jade up and over. Jade gets up and catches a dropkick for her troubles, popping the crowd]

Jeremy Tucker: Jade kips up and catches an incoming Albion Gale with a deep Mexican armdrag.

Andrew Fulton: Another Mexican armdrag by Jade, and then she applies a step over armbar.

[The Amazons Arena boos as Jade pulls on Gale's wrist, putting pressure on her elbow wrapped around Jade's ankle. Tommy Milligan checks in but Gale shakes her head]

Jeremy Tucker: Albion Gale grabs the ropes, so Jade releases the stepover armbar.

Andrew Fulton: Jade pulls her up by the hair and backs her into the corner. She whacks her in the chest with a knife edge chop.

[The New York fans let out a "Woo!" with each chop. Albion Gale gets mad and drops Jade with a haymaker right between the eyes. The audience cheers]

Jeremy Tucker: Albion Gale irish whips Jade into the ropes and backdrops her high up into the lights!

[Jade sits up, arching her back in pain. Albion Gale climbs up the turnbuckles for a moonsault, but Jade dropkicks the rope, crotching her on the top turnbuckle. Jade pulls her down into a tree of woe]

Andrew Fulton: Gale took a little too long getting up there, a little too early.

Jeremy Tucker: Jade backs up and nails Gale with a baseball dropkick while she's tied up in the tree of woe!

[The audience lets out a collective "OH!" as Albion Gale crumples to the mat. Jade pulls her up into a gut wrench and then flips her into a suplex]

Andrew Fulton: Jade twists the arm of Albion Gale. Gale works her way back to her feet.

Jeremy Tucker: Albion Gale reverses it and twists Jade's arm. She hook kicks her to the mat!

[Albion Gale hooks Jade, and then snap vertical suplexes her. She applies a figure four necklock on Jade]

Jeremy Tucker: Albion Gale clamps down on the necklock, cutting off Jade's air with that calf across her windpipe.

Andrew Fulton: Gale releases the figure four necklock and irish whips her into the ropes. She comes at Jade with a flying body press but Jade catches her with a full powerslam!

Referee: 1...2...(Albion Gale kicks out)

Jeremy Tucker: Jade irish whips Albion Gale into the ropes and catches her with a tiltawhilrl backbreaker!

[The audience boos as Gale arches her back in pain. Jade irish whips Albion into the corner, Gale does a half-Flair roll and lands on the apron. She looks stunned, but when Jade charges in, she launches a roundhouse kick over the top rope]

Jeremy Tucker: Albion Gale with a springboard dropkick on Jade!!

[The Amazons Arena rocks with cheers. On the mat, Albion Gale wraps up Jade's arms in a crucifix and rolls her into a cradle]

Referee: 1...2...(Jade gets her shoulder up)

Andrew Fulton: Both women get to their feet, but Jade clotheslines Albion Gale over the ropes!

Jeremy Tucker: Kim now up on the apron, distracting Tommy Milligan! Come on, Tommy! Hey, Jade is trying to take my monitor. No! That's mine!

Andrew Fulton: Here, you can have mine. Thing's always on the fritz anyway.

[Jade smashes the TV monitor into Albion Gale's head!! The New York fans boo and Kim drops back to the ringside area, her job done]

Jeremy Tucker: Unbelievable! Jade just bashed Gale with that TV monitor. This should be a disqualification!

Andrew Fulton: Good riddance to that thing, it never worked anyway.

[Jade takes her belt off and starts whipping Gale's back with it!! Gale screams in pain, and Tommy Mulligan threatens a disqualification]

Jeremy Tucker: Tommy Milligan needs to get control of this match or it's in danger of becoming chaos.

Andrew Fulton: Neither of these ladies wants to advance to the next round because of a disqualification. They're warriors, Jerry!

Jeremy Tucker: Jade pulls her up into a powerbomb, but Albion Gale takes her over with a frankenstiener on the cement!!

[The New York crowd cheers as Gale tries to shake out the cobwebs. She rolls into the ring and tries to regain her senses]

Jeremy Tucker: Albion Gale gets a running start and dives over the ropes with a plancha on Jade!!

[The audience lets out a huge pop! Gale rolls her into the ring and climbs to the top turnbuckle]

Jeremy Tucker: Gale comes off the top with a spinning roundhouse kick!!

Andrew Fulton: Jade ducks a right hand, and grabs her with a full nelson. She drops her back into a dragon suplex! She maintains the full nelson, and pulls her up into another dragon suplex!

Jeremy Tucker: Jade pulls her up again in the full nelson and drops back into a third rolling dragon suplex!! Triple Threat Suplex!

Referee: 1...2...(Albion Gale gets her shoulder up)

Andrew Fulton: Albion Gale still clearly affected by that TV monitor.

Jeremy Tucker: Jade pulls her up by the throat, and chokeslams her!!

[Kim applauds on the outside, while Jade catches her breath. She runs and hops onto the middle of the second rope, but Albion Gale jumps on there with her and drops her back into a russian legsweep, popping the crowd. Seiji applauds impressed.]

Jeremy Tucker: Albion Gale irish whips Jade into the ropes and tiltawhirls her into a DDT!! See The Light!

[Jade sits up and falls back down from the impact. Gale pulls her up by the hair and shoots her into the corner. She charges in, but Jade catches her with a bubbaslam!! The New York audience boos]

Andrew Fulton: Jade climbs to the top turnbuckle and flips into a senton!!

Referee: 1...2...(Albion Gale kicks out)

Jeremy Tucker: Jade hits a Muy Thai style superkick! Before Gale can fall, she takes her out with a lightning fast spinning front kick! Tiger Kick!

[The jeers get louder. Jade irish whips her into the ropes and tiltawhirls her but Gale spins out onto her feet and superkicks Jade upside the head]

Jeremy Tucker: Blazing Kick! She steps through the ropes and slingshots herself onto the middle of the top rope and comes off with a meteora double kneestrike!! Darkened Skies!

Referee: 1...2...(Jade kicks out)

Jeremy Tucker: Albion Gale suplexes Jade but she goes up and over and lands with a backstabber into a bank statement!!

[The fans boo as Jade locks her fingers together and pulls back on Gale's head and neck. Tommy Milligan checks in as Albion reaches out for the ropes]

Andrew Fulton: Jade trying to do as much damage as she can, as Albion Gale inches towards the ropes.

Jeremy Tucker: Albion Gale gets to the ropes and Tommy Milligan forces Jade to break the bank statement.

Andrew Fulton: Jade irish whips Gale into the ropes, she dips down for a backdrop, but Gale catches her looking with a swinging neckbreaker!

Jeremy Tucker: Both ladies lying on the mat in utter exhaustion.

[Jade and Gale lie head to head, trying to catch their breath. The New York fans try to will Albion Gale to her feet as Tommy Milligan starts the double count]

Andrew Fulton: We're at four!

Jeremy Tucker: Both ladies to their feet, and Albion Gale grabs her in a cradle suplex position, lifting her up into a fisherman's buster!!

Referee: 1...2...(Jade kicks out)

Jeremy Tucker: Albion Gale pulls her up into a DDT, but Jade lifts her into a fireman's carry into a jackhammer!! Bangkok Driver!

Referee: 1...2...(Albion Gale kicks out)

Jeremy Tucker: Jade lifts her up into a human torture rack, and then begins spinning round. She pulls down on Gale's head and legs, bending her spine across her shoulders.

Andrew Fulton: She drops her down into a samoan drop! Pain Killer!

[The Amazon's Arena boos but Jade is busy measuring Albion Gale as she gets to her feet, holding her ribs. Jade lifts her up into a fireman's carry]

Andrew Fulton: Jade going for a go to sleep, but Gale elbows her way out of it.

Jeremy Tucker: Albion Gale drops in front of her and lays Jade out with a leaping STO!! Cacophony!

[Albion Gale points to the top turnbuckle and the crowd lets out a huge pop! She climbs to the top turnbuckle]

Jeremy Tucker: Gale backflips into her shooting star press but Jade rolls out of the way!! Albion is able to land on her feet! What balance!

Andrew Fulton: Never mind that, Jade was able to avoid The Purple Rain.

Jeremy Tucker: But Albion Gale just grabs her in a koji clutch she calls White Noise!!

[The crowd leaps to their feet as Gale locks her hands together and pushes Jade's head back with her leg]

Andrew Fulton: Tommy Milligan right in position to see the tap coming, but Jade is looking for any escape she can.

Jeremy Tucker: Jade taps! Jade taps!

[Tommy Milligan signals for the bell and “Invidia” by Yoko Shimomura plays over the PA. The New York fans leap up and down as Albion Gale releases the White Noise and crumples into a heap]

Frank Salazar: "THE WINNER OF THE MATCH...ALBION GALE!!!"

Jeremy Tucker: Jade avoided The Purple Rain but Albion Gale was able to land on her feet and catch her with the White Noise.

[Tommy Milligan holds Albion Gale's arm up as she checks her head where Jade hit her with the TV monitor to see if she's bleeding. The audience cheers]

Andrew Fulton: Albion Gale has her first taste of what a one night tournament is like. What's left for the rest of the night?

Jeremy Tucker: She goes on to the second round to face Joanne Canelli who just got through a bruising battle with "Wildcat" Lynn Brewster.

[Albion Gale slaps some fans hands as she walks back up the ramp, Seiji following behind also slapping hands with the fans.]

[eddied]

(Eddie D is next to SWAT commentator Andrew Fulton ready for an interview backstage at No Mans Land: 2020 in the sponsors and meet and greet area.)


Andrew Fulton: So Eddie, how are you finding SWAT as your new wrestling home?

EDDIE: It’s not home yet, but it’s awesome to get interviewed by a top notch commentator like yourself?

Andrew Fulton: I see your brown eyes match your nose. No point buttering me up, I don’t call the shots here; mores the pity.

EDDIE: What can I say? I like the colour of your commentary. I like the no-nonsense, telling the fans what they don’t always want to hear, easy truthful style that you have. Credit where credit’s due.


Andrew Fulton: No money has changed hands for the endorsement of my technical skill and I remain completely impartial folks. (Andrew mutters "Thank you" off mic. but the mic. picked it up.)
So you’ve been called out for making too much of your win over Rajiv Khan. Some might say comments trashing Rajiv are hugely offensive and inappropriate about a fellow competitor; but most would say you’re celebrating mediocrity over a talentless schleb; your response?

EDDIE: I can’t help it if my arrival as an outsider means that you start at the bottom. If a Super Powerbomb and a big finisher aren’t enough for some people I don’t know what is. I wanted my entrance video to include something current and dramatic. The Headache from Hell being hit center ring just the other week fitted the bill. It will be staying in the video for now no matter what people think of Rajiv. The sooner I get my hands dirty against some big players in The Rumble the sooner I’ll silence some of those critics. You can only beat what’s put in front of you Andy.


Andrew Fulton: Talking of beating off to what’s put in front of you… I hear you run a lap dance club you dirty dog.

EDDIE: I own and run The Double D Club. No beating off in my place. It’s not sleazy Andy; saloon bar, function room and the nightclub on a nice big plot in California. Some exotic dancers for entertainment, making honest money for honest pole dancing and stage work and a ‘no dating the patrons’ policy.

Andrew Fulton: Sounds like a tragic waste of time if there’s no VIP fun going on.

EDDIE: Plenty of my regulars wouldn’t agree with you. It ain’t Pahrump and I don’t run a cat house. We do great business. The local hospital also does great business if and when over-familiar clientele forget we have dancers not hookers.


Andrew Fulton: Talking of women and trips to the hospital… What do you make of the women’s tournament tonight? Brutal female combat, $2 million to the winner… I bet your girls aren’t making that sort of money are they?

EDDIE: Of course not. But they aren’t putting their body on the line in top pro wrestling match-ups either. It’s a ton of money for sure. I am a betting man and my money’s on Suzi Spitz.

Andrew Fulton: Why Suzi? There’s plenty of other talent competing tonight.

EDDIE: I still have friends in the EIWF and they all had nothing but positives to say about her time there. She has already been SWAT world champ. She is the Pan Am Champ. She’s gonna be a rich woman tonight.

Andrew Fulton: So you’re basing your opinion on the hearsay in lesser federations and old title runs?

EDDIE: Hey Andy… Fuck you regarding the “lesser Fed” shit; even though they fired me that was my home for a long time.

And secondly I have my own opinions. Suzi Spitz looked great in the last main event. If that ain’t recent enough for you I don’t know what is.
I have always like bad girls over princesses and I think Suzi would qualify as a talented vicious bitch. Good luck sister. Go kick ass.


Andrew Fulton: So here’s the burning question. The hot topic. The one that’s popping up all over the SWAT social media…
What’s your favourite colour? ….
No. No that one was for Rajiv…
The burning question for you was ‘what was it like to get burned by Syberus in his latest promo’?

EDDIE: Cyber-Us, Cerberus, Syberus? He’s a hoot. Love all that 110% bull crap, don’t you?
Word to the wise… If someone says they were giving 100% and that at the last minute they reached inside themselves and found another winning 10%... They’re talking shit and were only ever giving 90% in the first place.

He’s dismissive of me. Boo-Hoo.
Doesn’t like my face? Too bad; it’s been shaped by a career in this business and I didn’t start out that pretty in the first place. My excuse for being this ugly is a misspent youth and my years in the squared circle, not sure what his excuse is. You should ask him.

He doesn’t like my promo videos. Well I botched it together myself on a laptop with my own sausage fingers and some cheap software. I hope he didn’t pay a lot for his big screen stuff because I can’t see a consultant’s fee worth of difference between his picture show and mine.

Andrew Fulton: So you’re denying that he burned you? He clearly singed you at least…

EDDIE: I already said that I am not sorry for celebrating my win over Rajiv Khan because I am selling myself to a whole new federation of fans that know nothing of my past. Of course I am going to show them that I am already capable of wins against names on their roster. Whether the opponent was good, bad or indifferent in the fan’s eyes you are only as good as your last match and in front of a new audience like this SWAT is all they know or care about.

Syberus is an old hand at all this posturing and bill boarding as am I. Seeing us two veterans go at it would sell some tickets for sure; belt or no belt on the line I think there’s green in that match up. The crowd seems to want it.
I am a big believer in the crowd having a big hand in the booking. We aren’t puppets, but the unwashed masses pays the bills so you may as well tease the dollars out of them with the matches they want to see.

Syberus says I can’t wrestle beyond a clothesline or a punch? Well for someone so knowledgeable and in the game so long he certainly doesn’t look beyond his own backyard for history and reputations. I have been called The Axe, I have been called The Game, I have been known as The Enforcer. These names were earned in the ring and around it and I have had my share of gold here and there. I am no slouch. I can grapple and mat wrestle with the best of ‘em, I just prefer to be blunt and direct because at my current shape and size it’s most effective. I can tailor my pain giving to the punk in front of me. It’s a gift.


Andrew Fulton: Well as a top commentator I do know wrestling 'beyond my own backyard', as you put it, and I only know you as a blip on my radar and even then only a tag wrestler for the most part. Wrestling Illustrated 10 years ago said you were only “the Marty Jannetty of that team at best” when you won some of those tag belts…

EDDIE: “…Marty Jannetty is probably the most underrated performer in the history of wrestling…” Quoteth Al Snow, never more.

Andrew Fulton: What?

EDDIE: I don’t take those comments as an insult. I also know there’s a heavy bias on every syllable because of a personal issue with someone at that rag of a fanzine. When you drink as heavily as I did and screwed around as much as I did in my youth, well sadly you are going to eventually upset an editor’s daughter and suddenly Good Guy Eddie D is the understudy and in the shadow of his partner and not worth his salt.

Andrew Fulton: So its fake news and you were a bigger deal than they let on?

EDDIE: It’s gonna sound arrogant, but yeah. I was a bigger deal than reported; just watch the shows yourself and judge the crowd reaction on tape. Look at the stories that unfolded because of me and the interactions around me. I am a big deal. I am going to prove I am still a big deal over the coming weeks and months.


Andrew Fulton: Anything else to add other than (mockingly) Bring... IT... ON?!?

EDDIE: Nope… I think I said everything in the ring earlier and even though you’re trying to be a jerk I still think you’re a top commentator.
If you get out of your own way and if you keep your head out of your own ass you’ll be considered one of the best ever one day.
Big “if” though huh?


(Eddie snatches the mic. from Andrew Fulton and chucks it at a sound man several paces away out of shot and storms off chuckling to himself as Andrew Fulton protests for a moment but sees the moment has past. You can hear faintly amongst the rustling of the fumbled microphone Andrew checking with everyone if they got the shots they wanted etc. The scene fades amongst the slight chaos caused by the walk out at the end.)

[thejerseydevildiva]

Act 1: Victory

That says it all. When you say, 'Victory,' that says it all.
Drew Brees

Just After Joanne Canelli vs Lynn Brewster

Backstage

The scene opens on the backstage area where we see Joanne moving down the hallway with Reno and Rude on either side of her. Frostbite, and Bruno following behind them. Joanne was covered in sweat and seemed a bit paler than what she had been earlier. The match against Lynn had gone without a hitch. She had taken the fight to her, and Joanne managed to pull the win from underneath Lynn. Now she would move onto the next round but her opponent had yet to go through their own match. They soon stop in front of her locker room and she puts her hand on the door feeling something move around them.

Joanne: Why don't you guys go and get something to drink?

Rude: Are you alright?

Joanne: I'm fine.

Reno: Are you sure boss?

Joanne: Yeah. I need some time just to relax. I mean I'll have another match in a while so I'm going to get ready...

Rude: If you need anything call us.

Joanne: Don't worry I will.

Reno and Rude nod, before walking down the hallway. Joanne turns and looks at Frostbite smiling all the while.

Joanne: Thanks for the help Frostbite.

Frostbite nods and walks off with Bruno, and catch up to Reno and Rude. Joanne walks into the locker room, and starts to grab a few things from her bag that sat in front of the locker as a cold chill seemed to move up her spine. Joanne felt hands slipped around her her waist and soon she feels a breath against her neck as she smiles.

Voice: You look so beautiful when you're this pale.

Joanne smiles softly, and turns around seeing the same silver haired man we have seen before. This was Sephiroth du Lac. His green eyes shimmered in the dim light of the room, as his silver hair framed his face almost angelic like.

Joanne: All the time.

Seph: Have you fed?

Joanne: Yes... Well not since earlier today...

Seph: You could always go to Elysium and get a bite.

Joanne: I don't have time. I have another match comin' up.

Seph: Are you sure? One of my newest girls would just love you.

Joanne: I bet she would.

Seph: She likes strong women. Especially ones that are rough and like to take charge.

Joanne: Not my type.

Seph: She's also a blood doll.

Joanne sighs, as she heads toward the shower.

Joanne: Maybe after the show. I'll find somethin' to keep me goin' until then.

Seph: Alright. I'll meet you there.

Joanne smiles softly as she turns and goes to say something to Seph only to see that he was gone.

Joanne: I learned from the best.

She smiles as she steps into the bathroom and the scene fades to black.

The sound of muffled screams is heard coming from somewhere in the depths of the arena. It goes silent and soon we hear a door open and close before we hear the sound of what could be high heel shoes walking along the cement floor. The camera peers around the corner and we see Joanne walking down the hallway and wiping the corner of her mouth. As she rounds the corner, we see Glenda moving toward her.

Joanne: Glenda...

GG: Congratulations on the win so far tonight Joanne.

Joanne: Thank you. It was easier than I thought it was goin' to be.

GG: What do you think about our next opponent?

Joanne: Did Jade win?

GG: No, Albion won over Jade.

Joanne: Really? What a shame. I was hopin' it would come down to Jade and myself. But I guess its not that big a deal.

GG: Albion is looking to get to the next round. Is there anything that you want to say to your next opponent?

Joanne: I don't know. I mean I've never heard of this stupid bitch. I mean I caught her promo but like everyone else that I've faced before she thinks she already has the match won. She has no idea who I am and what I can do. I am Joanne Canelli the SWAT Amazon Champion! Does she really think that she is goin' to stand in the middle of the ring, and stand against someone like me? I've faced the big names, taken them all down, and now it's her turn!

GG: You sound sure of yourself.

Joanne: That's because I am. I know what I can do, and if I didn't do you really think I would have the Amazon Title? No I wouldn't. It would still be on Avery now wouldn't it? Oh wait no it wouldn't because she's not here any more. I'm not afraid of this Albion... Or whatever her name is. She came out of nowhere, and is looking to climb the ladder through this tournament. But this is where it stops. I'll be the one movin' on not her.

GG: What do you plan on doing with the 2 million when you win?

Joanne laughs.

Joanne: Really? Do I look like I need the money? I'm not like some of these girls that think they can get a pay check just because they have tits. This will just make me richer. Whatever I make goes to the local charities in Jersey. There's a reason they call me the Saint of Jersey there Glenda. I know the others are out for the money, but me... I'm in it for the thrill. You see when I step into the ring, I feel everythin' around me. The sound of the crowd, the feel of the sweat, the sound of the music blarin' from the speakers, the beatin' o my opponent's hearts and the flow of blood makes me loose all sense of myself. That is why I step into the ring. My next opponent isn't goin' to know what hit her. This is my time to shine, and once again, they'll fail no matter what they try. Good luck Albion you're goin' to need it.

Joanne smirks and starts to walk off once again. She rounds the corner and disappears as the scene fades to black.

[frostbite]

We see Katie Moss walking around backstage and the lovely young lady is looking great this evening. She has on a low cut black top where her breast are about to pop out. She is wearing a red mini skirt and it is so tight to that her butt might so pop out of them, she is wearing 8 inch high heel shoes.

Jeremy Tucker: Katie is looking good this evening.

Andrew Fulton: You think I got get with that later on tonight.

Jeremy Tucker: In your dreams maybe.

Andrew Fulton: I do fantasize about Katie, do you want for me to tell what we are doing.

Jeremy Tucker: That is information that you do not need to share with me or for the viewing audience.

Katie is walking around backstage until she stops at a white door. It was written in big bold icy blue letters...

FROSTBITE

Jeremy Tucker: When did Frostbite get is own dressing room.

Andrew Fulton: Perks of knowing the boss, and it helps being a member of the KGB.

Katie knocks the door, as it slowly opens we see Frostbite stepping out wearing a red and black KGB tee shirt, he has on long red and black tights with the words written in big bold letters going up and down each pants leg..

KGB

He has on red and black boots with also written in big bold white letters simply saying..

KGB

Katie Moss: Frostbite I would like to get your thoughts on what your best friends, Doomsday and Lucifer said about you earlier, and also your thoughts on the battle royal later on tonight.

Frostbite looks at Katie with an intense look in his blue eyes, but in the meantime he looks her up and down as if he were checking her out.

Frostbite: Katie you are looking good tonight.

Katie Moss: Thank you.

Frostbite: How about after the show we grab something to eat afterwards and who knows maybe back to my hotel room.

He winks at her..

Jeremy Tucker: I think Frostbite is moving in on your girl.

Andrew Fulton: Some guys just have all the luck.

Katie Moss: Well?

Frostbite begins to laugh..

Frostbite: Like I would really give you the time of the day. Please I walk down the street and find a hooker better than you and probably would not cost me as much. She would probably dress a little bit better.

Andrew Fulton: Tell her Frostbite.

Jeremy Tucker: He has no right to treat her like that.

Andrew Fulton: That means she is on the rebound and you know what they say about...

Jeremy Tucker: Can you get your mind out of the gutter for a minute.

Katie is just standing there in a state of shock as she does not know what to say. Frostbite shakes his head.

Frostbite: But I will answer both of your questions.

Frostbite looks at Katie with a disdain look on his face, and then right back into the cameras with an intense look in his blue eyes.

Frostbite: Doomsday and Lucifer are going to break me in half or choke the life out of me or throw me 100 rows back or whatever those two can babble on about. Katie those two dumb asses and I am going to call them that because they need to understand that I know more about then, anybody in this business, I know their weakness and I will exploit them later on tonight. Now, o know being a top notch reporter than you are..

Frostbite tries to do a Katie Moss impression.

Frostbite: ( Katie Moss voice) But they also know your weakness as well.

Frostbite: Well Katie you do bring up an excellent point but I was taught something a very long time ago. You do not tell everybody, everything. You do show everything as well because there might come a day when something this just might happen and you need it. Doomsday and Lucifer, I have not shown you everything, you do know me as well as you think you do. Later on I will prove my point and throwing you both over the top ropes. You idiots really believe I need the KGB to outsmart you, well that is where you are dumber than I really believe you are. I stand here and wonder why in the hell did I ever call you friends for all these years. You two bitches leeched off of me for years. I plan on collecting later on. You assholes should thanking me for getting you jobs because nobody wanted your sorry asses. I look forward to making you look a bunch of fools.

Frostbite stops his head for a second then slowly picks it back up with an even more intense look in his blue eyes.

Frostbite: To answer your second question about the battle royal. Katie, I think it is cute that so far every promo thst has been cut already everybody feels they are going to win it. Please do not get me wrong you should have such confidence in your abilities, but let's be honest one person will be right and everybody else is going to be wrong. Tonight, let me save everybody the embrassment of cutting another worthless ass promo and let you just let you end on, what does Paul Herman call it..

Spoiler Alert...

I am going to win this thing. You really believe I am going to let two seven foot dumb asses, others in that SWAT locker room and a bunch of outsiders steal my glory tonight. I do not think so. I know everybody loves that underdog story or maybe you are waiting for a feel good moment. Maybe somebody from out of nowhere will shock you and win it. Well Katie this is no the movies this is real life, and I am going to snuff out whatever dreams you had in winning this thing. I came back to this company to burn it to the ground, but times have changed. I am going to become the next World Champion, and I have to take this step into achieving that goal. Because tonight you people will bask in my glory.

Frostbite laughs..

Frostbite: My bad.. I stole another catch phrase from Keith Lee.. Keith you and the rest of these morons out here do not deserve to bask in my glory.

A LOUD CHORUS OF BOOS

Frostbite: Rest assure tonight, the Heavens are going to open up and hell is about to freeze over, because I am walking away the winner, and you assholes and boo or cheer either way I do not give a damn. One by one you are so going over to the top rope. Nobody tonight stands in my way of taking over this place.

Katie is about to leave but Frostbite grabs the microphone from her.

Frostbite: I am not done yet.

He squeezes the microphone.

Frostbite: And Johnnie you have something that belongs to me. She belongs to me and nobody else. You have made her to me some damn joke. Well, baby I promise you when you are with me, I will treat you with respect and honor not like that 100 year old reject from the soul train is doing to you. Johnnie when I take her from you, well I guess the joke will be on you.

Frostbite tosses the microphone back at Katie as he slams the door behind him.

Jeremy Tucker: Strong words from Frostbite. Maybe it is his night but them again it could certainly be somebody else's.

Andrew Fulton: I wonder if I can call Vegas and change my pick.

Jeremy Tucker: You are getting on the battle royal.

Andfew Fulton: You want to get in on some of the action.

Jeremy Tucker: I wonder about you sometimes.

[Jonnie Valentine]

[Open on a commercial parody on Saturday Night Live. In a beautiful park, "The Only Wrestler Your Aunt Knows" Jonnie Valentine rides up on his bicycle in full spandex biking suit and the SWAT World Championship belt. He raises his sunglasses] 


Jonnie Valentine: I'm an active guy, I love the outdoors, and I'm not going to let my moderate to severe dandruff get in my way. 


Announcer: Eventrix is a new prescription drug to treat dandruff and dry scalp. Ask your dermatologist if Eventrix is right for you. 


[Cut to Jonnie and Cecily Strong enjoying time at the park, skipping rocks on the water, and laughing in slow motion] 


Announcer: Side effects may include dry mouth, constipation, trouble sleeping, helicopters landing on your roof, and visits from dead presidents. 


[Cut to Jonnie and Cecily Strong washing the car together, and frolicking in the water]


Announcer: If cats begin to communicate through telepathy using their whiskers stop taking Eventrix immediately and call your local weatherman every 17 minutes until you can get him on the phone. 


[Cut to Jonnie on his roof cursing the skies] 


Announcer: Eventrix is not meant to be a substitute for the knowledge that the television is stealing your thoughts and giving them to the CIA. Mild nausea and breaks with reality have been reported while taking Eventrix. 


[Cut to Jonnie in a garage] 


Jonnie Valentine: Ask your doctor about Eventrix, and get busy living like you used to. Before there were bugs in our food. 


[Jonnie goes back to duck taping his windows in his garage, nude from the waist down besides his SWAT World Heavyweight Championship]