Anzac Cup 2020 : Show

[anthonycaffrey]

The cameras catch the X-Crown Champion, Anthony Caffrey, with his head bowed backstage. He is defying CDC recommendations with his hands covering his face, clearly lost in the thoughts after hearing that he has to defend the X-Crown in his fourth match in forty-eight hours. You can hear him let out a deep sigh as he realizes he’s being filmed. The champion picks himself off the ground and begins walking. He says nothing as the cameraman continues to follow him.

Caffrey walks through the halls backstage and the opinion on him is clearly-divided. As he walks past the wrestlers from matches earlier in the evening, he draws a large amount of sympathy from those who realize what he has to do tonight… but also a large amoiunt of scorn, perhaps from those wishing they were in the five-way instead of having been knocked out of the ANZAC Cup. In capturing the reactions, the cameraman almost misses Caffrey passing through the doors to the parking lot.

Once outside, the champion finally stops moving. He looks up at the stars in the sky, marveling at the view. For a brief few moments, all of the stresses in his world are gone. He’s found a spot with a lower amount of light pollution and he seems to be taking joy in this exercise. He points up at the sky, at what we first think is a constellation. There’s even a smile on his face as he speaks to the camera.

“Oh, that? I have no idea what that fucking thing is. Just a series of stars, I guess.”

He laughs.

“Something I didn’t know about until a few years ago… because Australia’s in the southern hemisphere, the stars in the sky at night look completely different than in America. The South star’s up there... a bunch of weird constellations, including Pavo the Peacock somewhere…”

The smile slowly fades away from his face.

“...the point being, you think you know something, you really know what’s going to happen… and then one thing turns it upside down, and then suddenly you have no fucking idea what you’re talking about.”

There’s a long exhale from the champion.

“You’re forced to throw your hands up and just go, ‘nope, I don’t know’.”

Caffrey makes the motion.

“It’s… frightening for control freaks like myself to be put in that position. I’ve always been a planner. I like knowing everything about everybody, even down to their hometown, so that way I can strategize around them. Look at Zoran, he’s the same way. He misses one variable and his whole life gets flip-turned upside down by a fresh prince from Philly.”

Caffrey’s got his face mask below his chin right now, and you can see his smug grin as he continues.

“Now he’s without the X-Crown, and as I predicted… aiming to make my life a living hell.”

The smile disappears.

“I knew tonight could turn sour at any time, but I was thinking it’d be Zoran himself. If Zoran was gonna pull some bullshit, I’d have to look out for the Industrial Man, or maybe I’d get hit by that scythe of his out of nowhere, be thrown into a defense right after lifting up the ANZAC Cup.”

Caffrey shakes his head.

“And well, we saw how that went. Linda’s got a nasty spear.’

The way Caffrey’s nodding to himself, you can see him mentally noting to avoid that spear in the future. He brushes himself off.

“I… barely know anything about three of my four opponents. I’d have Marcus trying to pull together an impromptu scouting report for me, but my right-hand man is about ten thousand miles away and has his phone off. Ten thousand… I’m ten thousand miles away from home, haven’t seen my girl in over a month, I’m a little in over my head with a five-way falls count anywhere match, and I don’t even know who the fuck three of these four people are. How the fuck am I gonna do this?”

Caffrey lets out a short little laugh again. It’s not a jovial laugh by any means -- it’s a sign of stress.

“Big tall fucks are a personal weakness of mine. It is very hard to knock one of those guys off their meet to even be able to grab their ankle. It doesn’t help when I can’t tell Doomsday and Lucifer apart. Don’t get me wrong: I know they’re two different people. But they’ve only won one match in SWAT since they’ve been here, and I never gave enough of a shit about them to know who’s who. For all I’ve cared, it’s Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dickhead tonight, and I gotta stop them from fingerpoke of dooming their way into the greatest prize in all of the sport. How the fuck am I supposed to do that?”

Caffrey begins to rally. The pace of his words pick up.

“Someone showed me the shit the new guy was saying. Yo Blackstone, Greg Adkins called, he wants his… well, everything back…”

Caffrey smirks before stopping himself.

“...shit, this is SWAT, not the AWF… you’re not gonna get that one… hmm… what do I say about a guy who I’m pretty sure would film himself jerking off into the camera if it wouldn’t get himself thrown out --- wait, actually I’m pretty sure I saw Rally do that earlier -- what the fuck kind of wrestler is flying by as a passable signing these days anyway?”

Caffrey just shakes his head.

“Blackstone, let’s be real clear: my name is Anthony Caffrey, you dumb motherfucker. You are fighting tonight for over twenty world championships in the greatest federation on the planet Earth on the best show on the fucking Network. And you know who got SWAT there? It’s a lotta fuckin’ people who worked their asses off and don’t get to jump to the front of the line like you do tonight. I would say that the next time you open your mouth you show some respect to your betters, but I think it’s pretty goddamn clear that you don’t have an ounce of respect in your body. I am going to war tonight, a fourth match in forty-eight hours, combined I’ve been in the ring three or four hours now, I am broken, I am beaten, I am tired… but getting to elbow you in the teeth -- even if I come up fucking short and have to fly back home empty-handed… that shit’ll be worth it.”

Credit where credit is due, Blackstone seems to have lit a fire in Caffrey… and he’ll soon regret it.

“You talk more like a man who wants to fuck me more than a man who wants to wrestle me. You’re talking about head, you’re talking about sticking your balls on my chin… I’m talking about putting you in the hospital to defend the honor and recognition I’ve been working for for over a year and half. You may want to take me a shred more seriously and go watch a fucking match of mine. You talk about shoving something in my ass… combined with everything to go along with your behavior… goddamn Blackstone, it’s 2020. How long is it until you get arrested in a men’s bathroom stall in Minnesota?”

Caffrey laughs to himself before realizing that most Australians aren’t going to get a thirteen-year-old reference to an obscure senator’s scandal. He shakes his head again.

“I’m just sayin’, man… I think Fox is still in the building somewhere. Go have a heart-to-heart with him. We can accept you for you but you have to accept yourself first. Then instead of hating you for being a disgusting pig, we can all just hate you for being a disrespectful piece of shit instead.”

Caffrey winks. You can hear the live crowd pop.

“And then… and then there was a Psychotic Goth, with his pale and handsome gothic looks, who somehow got himself fished out of the River Styx when Tarrasque speared him off the barge less than forty-eight hours ago. A tough son-of-a-bitch, that fall would’ve killed most men… but Goth isn’t an ordinary man. You could probably guess that from the ancient dialects, the roaring… at first, I thought he was just acting like that. The more and more I listened to him in the lead-up to the Rumble… well, shit. You realize he’s 100% real. He’s legit. That guy’s fucked up. That’s how he thinks. That’s why he does so well in his matches here… he’s a monster among men. I’m most worried about him taking my X-Crown championship tonight. Among all of the problems i now have…. I don’t know how the fuck I’m gonna get that guy’s shoulders pinned down to the mat or the floor for three seconds. I don’t know how I’m going to lock in the Process and put him in a world of hurt that exceeds his pain threshold. How the fuck am I supposed to do either of those two things or anything else I’ve brought up?”

Caffrey sighs one more time… and then his eyes return to the sky. A smile does not return to his face as he simply throws his hands up and brings them back down.

“I don’t know.”

He lowers his head.

“I do not know….and God forbid, if I get through this? This is my first show being X-Crown champion. What the hell else does Zoran have in store for me?”

He scratches his head.

“I don’t know that, either. But -- but there’s two things tonight… two things that I do know, and two things I’m going to take with me into this match.”

He puts a finger up to the camera.

“Number one: Zoran fears Anthony Caffrey. You notice how this match is for my X-Crown? If Zoran thought he could beat me, this would be a cage match, or another TLC match like the one last show… he’d be trying to weaken me, soften me up so that way next show he can stick a stake in my still-beating heart and reclaim the Crown. That hasn’t happened.”

‘Instead, he’s picked the most bullshit match he can… falls count anywhere, five ways. I can lose to any other guy without even being involved in the decision. If the Brothers Dim make a break for this very parking lot and lay down out here while I’m makin’ Newbie scream in the ring for his bloody ankles, that’s it. I lose. If Goth comes through and scores the fall on Blackstone… I can lose everything I’ve worked for, everything I’ve fought for… and so Zoran can have someone he thinks he can handle next show.”

Caffrey waves his finger before putting up the second.

“And number two… I’m sitting here worried about everyone else and every matter of bullshit I’m stepping in… but really, you know who should be worried? Goth, Blackstone, Lucifer, and Doomsday… fifty-nine other guys, including Zoran himself, have already tried to get in my way and stop me from taking the X-Crown back to Philadelphia. How the fuck are any of you going to do better?”

The crowd pops louder.

“How are any of you going to stop me? You can be damn sure I’m not going down without a fight. You can be damn sure I’m not going home to Philadelphia without this Crown wrapped around my face. I spent three hundred plus days on the top of AXW, I am NOT letting my reign over the XHF end after TWO days. I will break every pinfall attempt and every submission until I am truly broken. And even then… even when I’ve been knocked unconscious, as blood as trickles out of my forehead and I don’t where I am anymore… I’m still going to kick out at two. I did not come far to give up on the second day. I did not spend days and months away from my friends and family to return home with nothing to show for my efforts. This ain’t a wrestling match tonight -- the time for that came and went with my elimination from the Cup. Tonight I’m going to defend everything I hold dear by giving it everything I possibly have and then some and THEN SOME. When you hear my bones snap but you don’t see me tap, there’s going to be one question left on your mind before I roll you up for the three count….”

Caffrey pulls his facemask back over his mouth. The white “X” stands out against the darkness.

“...how the FUCK are you going to beat Anthony Caffrey?”

Caffrey drops his two fingers down to one middle finger and walks off still holding it up to the camera, heading back inside as the crowd roars and the scene cuts.

[edwarddubin0604]

(The room is dark and there is maniacal laughing coming from somewhere in the room. Psychotic Goth appears in a dark silhouette
still laughing maniacally as a dim light creates a corona around him.)

Psychotic Goth: "Yes Caffery you are right about me. You see I am of the dark arts. I am like a demonic maniac who doesn't care who I face. I could care less who I face as long as I fulfill my ultimate destiny and that is The XHF X-Crown. A prize that has been coveted by everyone for as long as the championship belt existed."

(He laughs maniacally.)

Psychotic Goth: "I should have gotten the shot but was deprived and I was screwed out of a shot at the X-Crown but now is a chance at my redemption. 'The King of the Goths' shall once again lead his hordes into battle and once again I shall pillage and plunder everything that stands in my way spreading my reign of darkness and evil until I accomplished my quest for the prized X-Crown."

(He roars in an Aboriginal accent.)

Psychotic Goth: "You see Caffery I believe Zoran is a complete asshole too. He thought you were a complete idiot to fall for his act but he was wrong and he's trying so desperately to rectify his screw up. However, if I do win the X-Crown Zoran's life is going to be a complete nightmare. I intend to make sure that Zoran pays for doing a bad impersonation of a commissioner."

(Psychotic Goth laughs demonically.)

Psychotic Goth: "You are also correct that I'm truly who I say I am after the XHF Rumble. I can twist anyone in any which way and do it quite convincingly as you probably saw in the Rumble. As I said I'm a complete maniac and enjoy hurting and maiming people. I don't care who I hurt as long as I hurt the opponent."

(He roars again in an Aboriginal accent.)

Psychotic Goth: "Blackstone the only thing he can afford is a cheap thrill of an equally cheap whore. He's upset that he wasn't given a cameraman to record his daily lifestyle of fancy dumpster and trashcan food. You sound like Chris Jericho in a bad promo complaining about only getting a wine cooler and cheese platter instead of a big spread. That sounds like you Blackstone. You are the only newcomer to SWAT Satan's Disciples and Myself and Caffery are the only ones that are known."

(Psychotic Goth bellows in an Aboriginal accent.)

Psychotic Goth: "You are the only newcomer here in SWAT and you didn't even deserve a shot at the championship. Yet here you are an undeserving sonofabitch getting a shot at this prestigious championship belt like the X-Crown. A piece of worthless whining trash that doesn't deserve to even look at the X-Crown let alone even touch it. You shall never get your
germ infested hands on that beautiful X-Crown and you never will.".

(He roars again in an Aboriginal accent.)

Psychotic Goth: "You aren't worthy of holding this X-Crown. Imagine Satan's Disciples will be attempting to take the X-Crown not that they'll do it because they'll try to prevent the other from trying to break up the pinfall or submission. Oh the irony of that Doomsday and Lucifer winning the title and choosing who's going to be the one that defends it. What an interesting possibility. Then again Frostbite's probably watching and is either green with envy or raging in jealousy since he couldn't steal the title himself. Is that what you're thinking Frostbite. I know it is. You should have lost to Team Fairtex and then you'll get this title shot. Too bad little Frostbite. Too damned bad."

(Psychotic Goth laughs demonically.)

Psychotic Goth: "Imagine pins count anywhere and we can use anything we want that's not bolted down or can rip out of it's sockets. Imagine smashing each other with crates and using forklifts to run each other over. It's going to be quite an interesting match. The best part for me is that I've already been through this kind of match many times before and it won't be the last time either."

(He laughs again.)

Psychotic Goth: "Imagine bashing each others brains out. Imagine crashing into everyone's locker room and seeing The Society of the New Breed playing bad Karaoke and having smell Rally Jackson's shit as it comes out of his pans. Maybe see those pieces of trash KGB feeding on the remains of Joanne's victims seing she needs a blood transfusion and a Frosty needs fresh meat. Who knows Team Fairtex will love to give those two walking logs a beatdown for calling them crybabies."

(Psychotic Goth laughs again as he lowers his head and raises his arms and flings his head forward revealing his pale handsome goth like looks.)

Psychotic Goth: "Beware of me all who are in my way. I don't care if I have to go through you Blackstone though that should be easy if you were thrown into a trash can full of scraps and you begin to eat it instead of trying to win the X-Crown. The ringsiders would love to see that Blackstone. They would love to see you embarrass yourself in front of everyone. Satan's Disciple's fighting over who's going to hold the championship is going to be interesting. It's as if Zoran wants to destroy a tag team just to get back at Caffery and then blame him for it when it was our and that is the X-Crown dear commissioner who did it. Then there's Caffery who's determined to return the X-Crown back to Philadelphia himself so Zoran can't steal back. He fears Caffery will brn SWAT to the ground. Then there's me, 'The Psychotic One' 'The King of the Goths,' who is determined to fulfill a destiny that was deprived of me last year. Now nothing is going to stop me. Nothing shall stop me from taking what is mine and that is the X-Crown. No offense Caffery though you'll probably feel like that. However, it is inevitable that my destiny shall be fulfuilled. Thus I have spoken and thus I shall make good on my vow."

(he slams his hands together and the room goes completely dark and the scene slowly fades to black.)

[Justin]

Guess where.

Give up?

Backstage, dork! Don’t be a bloodied fox, natch.

Ace Reporter Skippy McScoops stands between the dapper dyad of Lunchbox Larry and Kirby Jackson, collectively known as… Well, they haven’t settled on a name yet. Simply Speechless was dumb. K-JAX in the Box was weird. Whatever, that’s not the point. The point is, it’s interview time!

Skippy’s dressed exactly like you’d think, a dark blue sportcoat with the SWAT logo over his breast with tan khakis and brown penny-loafers. He’s armed with a thin, foot-and-a-half long microphone and a smile!

Skippy:
Ladies and gentlemen, I’m live backstage with SWAT’s newest tag team. A team that has already upset Bloody Zen Romance and is looking to bust a few more brackets before this Anzac tourney is said and done!

Kirby nods, tickled to death at that wonderful introduction. He’s in his gear, all pink lycra and bedazzled boots, arm-fringe and ascot, pink aviators and feathered earrings, and to top it off he’s in a purple and silver fur coat. Don’t ask.

K-JAX:
Ya damn skippy, Skippy. We’re breakin’ brackets and breakin’ hearts out here, jukin’ and jivin’ our way right through those uppity fucks-

Larry holds up a giant paw, cutting Kirby off. He’s still dressed as earlier, orange and black gear with his Double L logo stitched on the front and a matching lunchbox brandished in one hand.

Lunchbox:
Aw, come on, they put us over after the match, Kirb. They’re A-okay in my book!

K-JAX:
Correction, big guy, they put you over. They’re still schmucks in my book! BUT ALAS, we ain’t here to talk about those two fartknockers anymore. We’re here to talk about us and how we’re one match closer to winnin’ this whole kit and kaboodle!

Lunchbox:
Oh Kirby Kirbs, the Kirbinator, King of Kirbnation…I like how you think!

K-JAX:
Good, and never again on the nicknames, because as goofy as these next two guys are, they’re both obviously talented wrestlers. AND, even though I’m pretty sure that at least one of them is getting led around by the nose we can’t ignore the fact that Lord Dominicus is… I dunno, something else. His partner, El Combatiente is… well he flips a lot, and he’s got that manager of his workin’ overtime for him outside the ring…

Kirby pauses, he takes a moment to contemplate.

K-JAX:
I mean they beat The Saga; that’s gotta mean something, right? So me and Lar’ are gonna go into this round like these two guys are the definition of tag team specialists and the best wrestlers on the planet. We’re gonna do whatever it takes to get the duke and move on to two guys who I know are gonna be the biggest test of either of our careers.

Skippy:
You mean the Stylistics?

K-JAX:
You know I do, Big Lar! Look at ‘em, Syberus is the International Champ! Valentine should still be the World Champ. Hell, Syberus just PINNED Trent, maybe Syb should be the champ too! I’m here to tell ya, the Stylistics don’t play no bullshit and they’re here to win!

Lunchbox:
Yeah, those guys seem to mean serious business in the ol’ squared circle!

Skippy:
True as that may be, there’s no discounting how good you two have looked so far here in this tournament and in SWAT! Not only are you guys undefeated, but you’ve all but dominated the competition so far! So tell me, seeing how young in the business you both are and how small an amount of experience you’ve got teaming with each other, to what do you attribute your early success?

Kirby is just about to answer when Larry leans in instead.

Lunchbox:
Well ya see, Skip, it’s like this. Me an’ the Kirbster might have only known each other for a month, and maybe neither of us has more’n six months in the biz, but what we’ve got by the buttload is HEART and DETERMINATION! An’s if that ain’t enough to put three more matches together tonight to win the Cup, well then at least we know that we did our best and we can hold our heads up high!

The Charisma Kid rolls his eyes at Larry’s simplistic, and sickeningly optimistic, explanation.

K-JAX:
Yeah, plus, you’re big as fuck and hit like a truck, and I’m smarter than the average bloodied fox. Shit I’ll kick a motherfucker’s head off if I get a half a chance!

Larry concedes.

Lunchbox:
Yeah, right. Those things, too! I just hope Sybs and Valley are hungry-

Kirby smacks Larry’s large chest with the back of his right hand. The big man cowers like a scalded dog.

K-JAX:
Not yet.

Larry, head down in shame, nods like a child.

K-JAX:
El C. Lord D. You boys are up next! You boys are up NOW!

Lunchbox:
That’s right! And we’re comin’ to GET’CHA!

Skippy:
Well folks, there you have it! Back to you guys at ringside!

[Cut.]

[Venom 🕷]

Javier is sitting alone in the back with his client El Combatiente. Where is Lord Dominicus? He’s with the trainer. He took a hard hit on the outside near the end of the match. This gives our hero some time to talk to his manager/translator without company.

El Combatiente: What happened out there?

Javier: What do you mean?

El Combatiente: My partner disappeared. He got taken out on the outside and wasn’t there when I needed him. Luckily I was able to capitalize on the mistake or we’d certainly not be in the second round.

Javier: Mistake, right.

El Combatiente: I thought you said you found someone as pure of heart as me, but this man seemed ready to take short cuts and wasn’t there in the end because they backfired on him. What is going on here?

Javier: I think there was just some confusion. The language barrier might’ve been too much.

El Combatiente: Yes, maybe it is, but this is something he’s going to have to overcome if we are to advance. Our next opponents may have weird names but they are no slouches. They will not make the same mistakes Saga did.

Javier: I know. It’s not something that can be perfected overnight, but we knew there’d be growing pains when we found you a partner so last minute.

El Combatiente: This is true, but I have such high expectations for myself. I need to go out there and know we are giving our best. I’m not sure we are getting his best.

Javier: We are assuredly getting his best, and if we don’t I’ll send him right back where he came from.

El Convatiente: No need to be too harsh. I just want to be the best.

Javier: And the best is what you shall be. Nothing will stop us from making it so.

Cut to the next scene.

[mosler]

[Meanwhile...









A taxi comes skittering to a stop.]


"Get out!"


[Apparently the GREATEST MATCH OF ALL TIME which wasn't broadcast because I got stuck writing a tag match instead, saw Zoran Sainovic lose his cellphone and wallet in the la brea tar pit.  Having discovered that his fare has no way of paying for the lengthy trip, the taxi driver ejects the definitive (former) X*Crown champion from his vehicle.  Still shivering from hypothermia, Zoran Sainovic has a tar covered blanket wrapped around him.]


"You too!"


[Nuts.  Boone the videographer follows Zoran Sainovic into the heavy rain.]


Zoran Sainovic: Look we're good for-


[The taxi speeds off.]


[Looking around, the two men find themselves on a red beach.  The sand seems to be moving.]


Zoran Sainovic: How did we get here by car?


[The moving red are crabs.]


Boone: He was a really good driver.


[Christmas Island.]


Zoran Sainovic: At least we're closer to Australia... we just need to find a way to ze mainland.


[Longest.  Night.  Ever.]


#SKREEEEEECH#


[The cab comes screeching to a halt.  Shaking violently, Zoran turns to their feeing ride.]


Zoran Sainovic <teeth chattering>: Zat's more like-


"Sir!  You forgot this-"


[The cab driver exits the vehicle waving a large platinum belt in the air.  The Ultimate Title.  For all the tar on his blanket, the results of his match with the dinosaur become more apparent... even if viewers at home REALLY want to see it in full.]


Rajiv Khan: Your belt sir.


[The driver draws nearer - before Boone zooms in on the man's waist...]


Boone: It's a trap!  He has the SWAT India Heavyweight championship...


Zoran Sainovic <furrowing brow>: Didn't SWAT India have any other workers to keep him away from ze strap---


[As his speed picks up, Rajiv Khan kicks some crabs towards our protagonists.]

UNIFICATION MATCH
10000 CRABS of DEATH

SWAT Ultimate Champion
Zoran Sainovic <c>

vs.

SWAT India Heavyweight Champion
Rajiv Khan <c>

[As another stride sends a few dozen more crabs at the camera, one of them clips onto Boone's nose.  As the videographer desperately tries to knock it off, the two champions charge at each other surrounding by ten thousand vicious pincers...  













Another awkward jerk from Boone loses the camera signal.]

[The Anzac Cup continues to feel like an eternity.]

[SWAT Team]

Jeremy Tucker: Coming up fans is our second round match between K-JAX and Lunchbox Larry taking on El Combatiente and his partner Lord Dominicus. The winner will meet The Stylistics in the next round. K-JAX and Lunchbox Larry were able to get past Bloody Zen Romance who perhaps had taken them a little lightly and viewed them as a stepping stone. That will no longer be the case as Larry and K-JAX represented themselves quite well. Now they take on El Combatiente and Lord Dominicus who defeated The Saga in the first round...

Andrew Fulton: Hold on. (scrolling through his phone) Instead of listening to your analysis, I was just coming across a new internet theory that Australia doesn't exist! Crikey!

Jeremy Tucker: Andy, we're in Australia. We're both Australian.

Andrew Fulton: Or are we? This says that in the 1800s, the English routinely sailed ships of English convicts over the side of the earth.

Jeremy Tucker: Andy, you're not a Flat Earther are you?

Andrew Fulton: Besides the point. To cover for these atrocities, England invented this concept of "Australia" to explain where all these convicts were going. The lie continued to this day, and when people think they are going to "Australia", they're actually going to Chile!

Jeremy Tucker: That's ridiculous.

Andrew Fulton: Is it? Think about it, have you ever really met an Australian?

Jeremy Tucker: Just everyone I know.

Andrew Fulton: Or are they? Me Mum used to make me quesadillas when I wouldn't eat supper. That seems a bit Chilean, don't it?

Jeremy Tucker: (motioning to the crowd) So who are all these people?

Andrew Fulton: Terrible actors.

The opening of the Game’s “One Blood” hits the pa system and El Combatiente follows his manager Javier onto the stage. They look around soaking up there surrounding until El Combatiente breaks into a full sprint for the ring and slides in. Javier slowly walks to ringside and takes his position at ringside as El Combatiente stretches in the ring preparing for his match to begin.

Jeremy Tucker: El Combatiente was training hard for this tournament but he and Lord Dominicus were in some jeopardy in their first match, but thanks to some timely interference by their manager Javier Nunez they were able to dispatch with The Saga and advance to this second round match.

Andrew Fulton: Cripes, would you stop? These two outsmarted that Travis Daniels who just seems a bit clumsy in my opinion.

Jeremy Tucker: Lunchbox Larry and K-JAX will have to keep their heads on a swivel for Nunez trying to get involved.

Andrew Fulton: Javier? He seems harmless. Don't get yer knickers in a bunch...Wait, I remember that feller. He worked for the police. He's a narc, Jerry. Stay away. He gets you to admit to things you done to the coppers.

Jeremy Tucker: He left that life behind to become a wrestling manager.

Andrew Fulton: Never trust a snitch, Jerry.

(The lights dim and smoke pumps from the stage area as "The Bear Song" by Green Jelly starts to cut through the atmosphere. Soon through the mist comes out Lord Dominicus. He walks down the ramp, sneering at everyone through his mask, showing his distaste for all around him. As the song continues to shred, the darkness that is Dominicus climbs into the ring, ready to get the match underway)

Jeremy Tucker: Here comes, Lord Dominicus, a holder of the EWF Superior Championship, the evil technician, with that horrifying mask that one ringside boy seems particularly frightened by.

Andrew Fulton: That's just how kids act, Jerry. My sister's son runs out of the room whenever I come up from the basement.

Jeremy Tucker: That's my son, and it's because you backed over his cat.

Andrew Fulton: Little bugger came out of nowhere. Besides, I should be the one that's cross, it made me spill my beer all over the suit I had to wear for court. Judge gave me a hell of a time bout that. Nearly threw me back in jail with all the guys I snitched on to get out of there in the first place.

Frank Salazar : The following is a second round match in the Anzac Cup, featuring first, accompanied to the ring by their manager, Javier Nunez; First he comes from Parts Unknown; Standing 6 feet tall and weighing 180 pounds...LORD DOMINICUS!! His partner hails from South Los Angeles, CA. Standing 5 feet 9 inches tall; and weighing 219 pounds .... EL COMBATIENTE!!!

(The Melbourne crowd cheers El Comabtiente while some choose to boo Lord Dominicus. Then "Old Town Maine" by Lucas Deely begins to play. Lunchbox Larry and K-JAX step out from behind the curtain. Larry is laser focused on the ring as soon as it's in sight. He raises up a fist and runs down the ramp with K-JAX following behind him. Larry brings down the arm as he nears the ring and jump slides in)

Jeremy Tucker: K-JAX and Lunchbox Larry came in as underdogs and won what some would call an upset over the more established team of Bloody Zen Romance. They said earlier tonight that they aren't going to make the mistake of taking their opponents lightly. Larry has had some title success in companies like FWF, and K-JAX has been kicking around in low-end indies for a couple of years now earning his stripes, but this was the first time the two of them have been a team. They really had this crowd on their side, and they could have owed some of their success to the support they got from these people.

Andrew Fulton: These people? (stubs out his cigarette) Where were these people when I was a struggling businessman at G'Day Bidets. The finest bidets in all of southeastern Melbourne. (sings the jingle) "If ya drop a meanie, and you wanna get cleanie; Make no delay, call G'Day Bidet!"

Jeremy Tucker: I did fancy that song.

Andrew Fulton: Yeah, me too. (lights up a cigarette)

Jeremy Tucker: But now they're against another pair of singles wrestlers trying to advance in this tournament as a team. We'll see who's first round match allowed them to gel better,

(Lunchbox Larry performs a quick push-up and pops up onto his feet. He runs to the nearest corner, jumps up the turnbuckle, and raises a fist to the crowd. He has yet to actually look at the Melbourne crowd. He jumps down, runs to the opposite corner, jumps up on the turnbuckle, and raises his fist again. Head still lowered. The fans, understanding he's weird, cheer him on regardless)

Frank Salazar: The following is a first round match in the Anzac Cup Tag Team Tournament. Featuring first, from Austin, Texas; Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 206 pounds...K-JAX!! His partner is from Portland; Maine; Standing 6 feet 4 inches tall; Weighing 287 pounds...LUNCHBOX LARRY!!!"

(The crowd lets out a loud pop! Referee Tommy Milligan signals for the bell and Lunchbox Larry and Lord Dominicus elect to start out)

Jeremy Tucker: Larry and Dominicus lock up in a collar and elbow tie up, but big Larry quickly takes him over in a hip toss.

Andrew Fulton: More of a beel throw.

Jeremy Tucker: Andy, what did Zoran say during your review?

Andrew Fulton: (dejected) Being a dick isn't commentary.

Jeremy Tucker: Lunchbox Larry moves in for the kill, but Lord Dominicus takes him over with a drop toehold. He grabs Larry before he can stand up straight with an armdrag.

Andrew Fulton: Lord Dominicus arm drags him again and locks in an armbar.

(The Rod Laver Arena boos as Lord Dominicus sticks his knee into the ball of Larry's shoulder and clamping down on his arm. Larry shakes his head, refusing to quit. He works his way to his feet with Lord Dominicus hanging onto the armbar)

Jeremy Tucker: Lunchbox Larry plants his feet and flips Lord Dominicus across the ring with his armbarred arm!

(The audience pops as Dominicus sits up arching his back. Lunchbox Larry scoops Dominicus up and drops him across his knee with a backbreaker and holds him there)

Jeremy Tucker: Larry reaches out tags in K-JAX who springboard legdrops Lord Dominicus!!

(The Melbourne fans cheer louder)

Andrew Fulton: You can see Larry and K-JAX working on some double teams in this match.

Jeremy Tucker: It can only help. K-Jax pulls Dominicus up by the mask and headbutts him. He clocks him in the side of the jaw with an elbow.

(K-JAX irish whips Dominicus into the corner so hard he falls onto his ass, leaning against the bottom turnbuckle. K-JAX signals the crowd, backs up, and then gets a running start before hitting Dominicus with both knees in the face! The Rod Laver Arena lets out a collective "OH!")

Andrew Fulton: I think his bloody mask is dented in.

Jeremy Tucker: K-Jax shoots Lord Dominicus into the ropes, but Dominicus comes back with flying leg lariot!

(The cheers turn to jeers as Lord Dominicus gathers himself. He hooks K-JAX up and then nearly snap suplexes him out of his boots)

Andrew Fulton: Lord Dominicus applies a body scissors. He clamps those powerful legs around K-JAX's ribcage not allowing him to draw enough air.

(K-JAX grimaces in pain instead of answering Tommy Milligan's question on whether he wants to give up. He finally bionic elbows Dominicus on the top of the head a few times to get out of the body scissors)

Jeremy Tucker: K-JAX grabs Dominicus and lifts him into a suplex, but drops Dominicus' feet on the top rope and ricochets back into a slingshot suplex!

(The Melbourne fans applaud that rarely seen move, and K-JAX tags in Lunchbox Larry. Larry comes running in with a thez press)

Referee: 1...2...(Lord Dominicus kicks out)

Jeremy Tucker: Larry crashing some of those stiff double ax handles across Dominicus' back. He grabs him in a side headlock, then runs into the center of the ring with a bulldog!

(The audience cheers wildly! Lunchbox Larry easily presses Lord Dominicus up over his head as the Rod Laver Arena lights up like day time from all the flashes from camera phones)

Andrew Fulton: But Lord Dominicus falls behind Larry catching his arms from behind into a crucifix cradle!

Referee: 1...(Lunchbox Larry gets his shoulder up)

Jeremy Tucker: Lord Dominicus expertly rolls it over into a fujiwara armbar. He puts all of his weight on the back of Larry's shoulder while pulling up on his whammybarred arm.

(Tommy Milligan checks in to see if Larry wants to tap out. Larry starts crawling over to the ropes, so Dominicus transitions it into a triangle choke to the boos of the crowd)

Jeremy Tucker: Lord Dominicus now pulling down on Larry's aching arm, while using his legs to create a vice like grip around Larry's head and neck.

Andrew Fulton: Lunchbox Larry now punching his way out of the triangle choke until Lord Dominicus releases it.

Jeremy Tucker: Larry pulls Dominicus up by the mask and irish whips him into the ropes. Larry ducks his head down, but Lord Dominicus catches him with a swinging neckbreaker!

(The audience boos as Larry sits up, clutching his neck. Lord Dominicus finally tags in El Combatiente who gets a good pop)

Andrew Fulton: A fresh El Combatiente making his first appearance in the match!

Jeremy Tucker: El Combatiente slingshots himself onto the middle of the top rope and hits an oncoming Larry with a springboard flying forearm!!

(The crowd roars. K-JAX hits the ring but gets a dropkick out of the ring for his trouble. El Combatiente irish whips Lunchbox Larry into the corner)

Jeremy Tucker: El Combatiente comes charging in with a stinger splash!

Andrew Fulton: He's en fuego!

Jeremy Tucker: El Combatiente arm drags Larry out of the corner. He flips Larry again by that wounded arm with another arm drag.

Jeremy Tucker: El Combatiente shoots Larry into the ropes and catches him with a huracanrana!!

(The audience stomps their feet into the floor of The Rod Laver Area as El Combatiente motions for more noise)

Andrew Fulton: Standing senton!!

Referee: 1...2...(Lunchbox Larry kicks out)

Jeremy Tucker: El Combatiente irish whips Larry into the corner and comes with another stinger splash but Larry's got this one scouted and catches him in mid air with a vicious big boot!!

(The Melbourne fans let out a collective "OH!!" at the impact. Larry crawls over and tags in K-JAX. K-JAX climbs to the top turnbuckle and then catches El Combatiente getting up with a huracanrana with a cradle)

Referee: 1...(El Combatiente kicks out)

Jeremy Tucker: K-JAX hits El Combatiente with a hard chop to the chest, but El Combatiente responds with a chop of his own! K-JAX whacks El Combatiente with another chop.

(The Rod Laver Arena "Woo"s with each chop as both men's chests are turning red from the blistering chops. El Combatiente hits K-JAX with another knife edge chop)

Andrew Fulton: WOOO!!!

Jeremy Tucker: (rips off headset) Jesus, Andy, that's loud.

Andrew Fulton: K-JAX backs El Combatiente into the ropes with a few more overhand chops. He shoots him into the ropes with and catches him between the eyes with a pele kick!

(The fans pop! K-JAX pulls him up into a german suplex, but El Combatiente back elbows him in the eye. He runs into the corner and runs up the turnbuckles into a sliced bread #2)

Referee: 1...2...(K-JAX kicks out)

Jeremy Tucker: El Combatiente grabs K-JAX by the leg and takes him over in a dragon screw legwhip. He tags in Lord Dominicus who comes in and basement dropkicks the front of K-JAX's knee!

(K-JAX's knee crumples and he falls to the mat. Lord Dominicus steps on the backs of K-JAX's knees, grabs his arms, and rolls him up into a surfboard stretch to the boos of the crowd)

Jeremy Tucker: Lord Dominicus pushing against the back of K-JAX's knees while pulling back on his twisted arms. K-JAX refusing to give up!

(Lunchbox Larry gets the Melbourne fans to clap for K-JAX by stomping his foot on the apron. Lord Dominicus finally releases the surfboard stretch. He allows K-JAX to get to his knees and then tattoos him in the side of the head with a shining wizard kick! The audience lets out a collective "OH!")

Jeremy Tucker: Lord Dominicus steps through the ropes and springboards into a body splash but K-JAX puts his knees up!!

Andrew Fulton: Lord Dominicus goes into the corner for shelter but K-JAX runs in with a cannonball!!

Jeremy Tucker: He hits a rising Dominicus with a gorgeous dropkick! He climbs to the top turnbuckle from inside the ring and flips into a moonsault!!

Referee: 1...2...(Lord Dominicus kicks out)

Jeremy Tucker: K-JAX tags in Lunchbox Larry. Larry grabs Dominicus with a bearhug and K-JAX superkicks him!!

Referee: 1...2...(El Combatiente stomps the back of Larry's head)

Andrew Fulton: Bloody good save.

Jeremy Tucker: Tommy Milligan forces El Combatiente back to his corner. Lunchbox Larry grabs Lord Dominicus around the waist and tosses him like a sack of potatoes with a release german suplex!

(The audience roars! Lunchbox Larry lifts Lord Dominicus in a suplex and then drops him on his head with a brainbuster! He pulls Dominicus up by the mask)

Andrew Fulton: Lord Dominicus steps on Larry's thigh and climbs up and over into a flying armbar! Back to the arm!

Jeremy Tucker: Lord Dominicus rows back on that arm, with his legs pressing down on Larry's chest and head. Larry trying to hold on, but Dominicus has that thing locked in tight.

(Lord Dominicus rolls Larry over onto his stomach, and then elbow drops the back of Larry's elbow. He then uses the ropes for leverage and then drops a knee on the back of the elbow)

Jeremy Tucker: Lord Dominicus rocks Larry with a few european uppercuts and then tags in El Combatiente who springboards off the top rope with a dropkick!!

(The Melbourne fans cheer and the impact causes Larry to hit the second rope with his throat. El Combatiente sees his opportunity and runs into the ropes)

Andrew Fulton: 619 kick by El Combatiente!!

Jeremy Tucker: He follows it up with a springboard 630 splash!!

Referee: 1...2...(Lunchbox Larry kicks out)

Andrew Fulton: El Combatiente DDTs Larry's head into the mat and climbs to the top turnbuckle. He flips into senton but Larry rolls out of the way!!

(There's no water in the pool when El Combatiente lands. He gingerly gets up but gets flipped head over heels with a clothesline by Lunchbox Larry as the audience pops loudly)

Jeremy Tucker: Lunchbox Larry hits the ropes a few times to build up momentum and obliterates El Combatiente with a running tackle!!

(The Rod Laver Arena chants "LAR-RY!! LAR-RY!! LAR-RY!!" Larry shoots El Combatiente into the corner, but he athletically jumps to the top turnbuckle and backflips over a charging Lunchbox Larry)

Andrew Fulton: Oi. That was nifty.

Jeremy Tucker: El Combatiente hits Lunchbox Larry with a dropsault when he turns around!!

(El Combatiente tags in Lord Dominicus to the jeers of the Melbourne audience. Dominicus slingshots himself over the ropes into an elbow strike that catches Larry in the jaw)

Andrew Fulton: Lunchbox Larry is stunned, so Lord Dominicus snapmares him over and then splits his wig with a Mongolian chop to the top of the head.

Jeremy Tucker: Lord Dominicus pulls Larry up into a front facelock and drops down into an impaler DDT!

(Lord Dominicus threatens to slap a few booing Australians. He climbs to the top turnbuckle and backflips into a stunning shooting star press)

Referee: 1...2...(Lunchbox Larry kicks out)

Jeremy Tucker: Lord Dominicus applies a camel clutch. He locks those fingers underneath of Larry's chin and rocks back on his head.

(Tommy Milligan checks in to see if Larry wants to tap out but he doesn't answer. Larry tries to reach out for the ropes, but Lord Dominicus jumps up and lands on Larry's back to cut him off)

Andrew Fulton: Lord Dominicus hops on to the middle of the second rope and backflips into an asai moonsault but Lunchbox Larry catches him in mid-air with and deposits him with a powerslam!!

Referee: 1...2...3!!!

(The Melbourne fans leap to their feet and K-JAX enters the ring as ”Old Town Maine” by Lucas Deely plays. Javier Nunez complains to Tommy Milligan as El Combatiente tries to keep the peace. K-JAX and Lunchbox Larry celebrate in mid-ring)

Jeremy Tucker: Lord Dominicus may have been going for that Demon's Invert DDT but Lunchbox Larry was able to reverse it.

Frank Salazar: "The Winner of The Match...K-JAX & LUNCHBOX LARRY!!!"

Jeremy Tucker: Lunchbox Larry and K-JAX advance to the next round where they will take on The Stylistics.

Andrew Fulton: Oh then they're my new favorite team. I hope they take out an eye at least.

Jeremy Tucker: Who was your last favorite team?

Andrew Fulton: You should know that. Strike Force. Well, mostly their theme song.

(K-JAX and Lunchbox Larry stand at the top of the ramp, soaking in the cheers of the crowd)

[radu]

(Scar tissue.)


(A mass of deep gouges gives way to indentations that are starting to fill in with the bruising of soft tissue. Red, brown, purple and blackish lines run across sickly looking flesh, cordoning off the different degrees of circulation like a Google satellite map of hell. Where does the fresh blood end and the scabbing begin? Blood clotting up to ward off infection – but even in the middle of a global pandemic, viruses are the least of this host’s concerns. It is an impressive amount of damage, when you consider that we are only two matches into the evening – the first opponents were non-entities, and the second were legitimate wrestlers. Our canvas has reached a point where the flesh will tear open on its own.)


(A gentle breeze.)


(As fresh droplets run down atrophied muscles, the images shakes. The clacking sound of a lens tapping against a metal body, as the handheld camera shifts around the Frankensteinesque tissue mass. Focus shifts, the more gruesome images are thankfully only seen briefly, as camera flash pans past a cavalcade of body horror. Fingers that have been broken a few too many times, work feverishly to patch up the newest damage. A tournament of this scale has the talented team of emergency medical technicians working over time. Given how in demand world events have put their skills, its crazy that they are giving SWAT their time as it is. For a man to let their body take this kind of damage, he clearly hates himself, but most likely has a fondness for the EMTs. Not wanting to add to their burden, the Sacrificial Idol currently ices down and tapes up his most recent maladies.)


(Erratic camera work is owed to the fact that Radu Matei is multitasking – bandaging up wounds while providing his thoughts on the next round. Zoomed into extreme close-ups, the following monologue occurs over graphic pictures of the damage.)


“That was a war.”


(The sincere face of Radu Matei briefly enters the frame.)


Radu Matei: Callahan. I didn’t appreciate your hands off approach to the first round, but the heart you just showed? It was impressive. I’m looking forwards to seeing your growth with the company long after I retire.


(...And from the looks of the bruising on Radu’s ribs that might be a lot sooner than later.)


Radu Matei: Caffrey. That could have easily gone either way. Frankly if Sainovic hadn’t front loaded this tournament with KGB bullshit, and the brackets were actually randomized, I have no doubt that our encounter would have been the finals.


It should have been the finals.


Nothing but respect for you. It is my genuine hope that you wipe the floor later with Blackpool. As Linda and myself continue our march onwards in the Anzac Cup trying to show that SWAT is a safe and welcoming place for female athletes... there is no room for that trash. Blackpool and Trent Jones, who search for promo material in penthouse forums and misogynistic 50s joke books. We’re trying to regrow the Amazon, but no self-respecting female wrestler would be caught dead in a federation with that vulgar scum. I know you’re going to successfully defend tonight, Caffrey, that isn’t in question. The point is, later tonight, when I should be backstage duct taping gashes – I’m going to be glued the set instead, cheering on your victory.


My time at SWAT is over. The night is already halfway done, and look at the state of me.


I’ve gone to the well too many times. Yet I return. The only thing that keeps me coming back is a worry that all the hard work I put in to keep this place afloat will melt away as the Hardkore contingent shove their geriatric yes men into cushy spots, replacing SWAT’s legacy with their own rotting husk... then fuck off or flat line - as is their way.


So it’s a great relief to see a new guiding light for the company, Caffrey.


I am looking forwards to this era of yours. Thank you.


(Nodding politely, Matei turns his attention back to raw nerves. Under his grey eyes the picture once again starts to rapidly worm past burning red skin. Inflammation is setting in, shoving out throbbing veins that look more like the sexually deviant plants of Japanese cartoons.)


Each one of these scars tells a story.


My crooked smile is a collaboration of hundreds of tempers. One facet. So this body? A daunting number of contributors have hammered me into the shell of a man I’ve become. Beaten me into a fine paste, before pouring it into a broken mould. Despite the intimidating tally of these violent tracks - each has a story. I remember ever sling and every arrow.


How much of the barrage came from the Kross Global Bandits?


(Muscles tense at the utterance of the KGB, aggravating thin skin.)


The Hired Guns. Jade and Kim... they took a lump of flesh, and taught me a valuable lesson about overlooking bystanders. I treated them like collateral damage, and Jade made sure I’d never walk straight again.


The Fairtax Brothers. During my championship reign, I tangled with Tong on more than one occasion. Compound fractures took my mind off the skin he flailed from my back.  That was a kindness I didn't appreciate at the time.


It was a mistake KGB, for you to cross Shootfighter's family.


And to what end?  To placate Timeless’ ego?


Yeah.  Good luck with that.


Still. They KGB have rebranded.


Cut ties to the old guard – reshuffled their group dynamic. Fresh blood at the top might bring them back their competitive edge. New ideas. <pained pause> Bearing fangs. Will it work? Of course it will.


James Fierce is one of the scariest talents to ever step foot in a SWAT ring.


With him in the group, I have no doubt they will find their form again. Soon they will look like the well oiled machine that menaced SWAT before I cut them down to size. A dangerous unit that will muscle their way into being top dogs in the dull geriatrics versus frat boy war...


Much like our X*Crown champion, with tonight’s violent assaults, The KGB have a level of momentum on their side that will make them almost impossible to approach. ...But the glory is still fresh. The impact sinking in. The plans have been set in motion but are not yet perfectly in sync.


There are members of the KGB that owe me their blood.


Next Battleground? They will be UNTOUCHABLE.


Tonight is really my LAST best shot at revenge.


(The wave of mutilation finally zooms out enough to show a chest covered in third degree burns.)


I spent much of the last year dressed up in so much medical gauze that I looked like some bastard cross between Darkman and the Aztec Mummy.  Wasn't cheap becoming a walking billboard for Halloween.


For all the injuries and indignities I suffered during my championship reign, THAT particular look was largely owed to ONE defence.


Frostbite.


Remember that road agent, Steve-O? How did that guy get a job? A real testament to how suspect the owners’ judgement was, that a character like that could have any control in our federation. How desperate were they? I have to hope that was a Brewster hire. Guy was a walking nightmare. I only bring him up, Frost – and follow me on this one… because I have a question for you. It has been bugging me for awhile, so I am hoping you can shed some light on it.











A pill-popping official might have given you the okay, but AT WHAT POINT did you think it was APPROPRIATE to...











DOUSE.









AN OPPONENT.








IN.









LIQUID.








NITROGEN?!?








...Because that’s how that shit went down!


Top two faces in SWAT... THE FUCKING GOOD GUYS... and the challenger decides to just go for attempted murder like it was nothing. Fuck.


Do you get strong T-1000 vibes off me, Frost? Is that it? I’m so indestructible that you have to try to shatter me into a thousand pieces like an evil robot from the future? Was that where your head was at? Protect John Conner? That’s TIMELESS’ bullshit gimmick – I’m no damned cyborg.


Liquid metal? Trust me if I could morph bullet holes away, <pointing at literal bullet holes> I would.


So I had to shroud myself in bandages like a Universal Horror Icon, and embrace pain that you cannot begin to imagine, ALL while enduring countless reconstructions over the past year in that hope that, you know, skin took. That is the end result of YOUR weapon of choice.


No hard feelings.


Words get heated. Tempers run high... but <colder tone> don’t let the inhuman amount of abuse I shake off fool you.

My name is Radu Matei. Born on a cold spring day in Sibiu, Romania – the only child of Eugene and Cristina. Broke my first arm at the age of six, climbing a tree.


I felt that.


See, I am a human being. Even if your little stunt left forty percent of my body NUMB, I still have feelings. Pain is one of the feelings I know.  Pain is the feeling I want to share with you.


Liquid nitrogen. That went beyond blood sports to being a physical assault in the ring. Of all my championship defences, it is the only one I am not proud of.


All my other defences built up my challengers as world calibre athletes. More that retaining, that was always the goal. Even if they were bloodbaths, there was an athleticism to the meat grinders. Our match? Pathetically short. Attempted murder, lacklustre finish. I believe Syberus even teased me about it, before I pinned him cleanly.


It wasn’t worthy of your talents.


I’ve seen you put on great matches, Frost. That night, I was disappointed in you both as a competitor and as a person.


Now, I know that the match being shit is largely on the doorstep of the agent, and that if we had it to do it over again, match of the year contender – but you almost killed me.  ...So I wasn’t too shocked when you turned on Team SWAT back at New Year’s Nightmare – I had already seen the darkness within you first hand.


Management not wanting their second most popular baby face to look like an unhinged psychotic - which is reasonable - turned down my requests for a rematch. Better to sweep the whole messy business under the rug, and give Steve-O only a few more opportunities to burn the place down. Put as much distance between the two of us as possible. Fortunately, Zoran didn’t come in until after our misunderstanding – he isn’t as familiar with the event to know that risking us in the ring together is a potentially massive lawsuit. Along with management oversight, you have a worldwide pandemic that has played havoc on the talent showing up, and the general random factor of tournaments.


Against all odds, your flame has finally been reintroduced to my powder keg. THIS is going to be a reckoning.


The right circumstances will never come into alignment for this encounter again.


...It might be a tag match, but this is it.


It is not going to be pretty.  Younger viewers, will be emotionally scarred.


I'm sure you've heard this a million times before - but Frostbite, the next time you try to turn a man into a fucking Popsicle, make sure he’s dead.


(The camera finally finishes touring the burn tissue, coming to a rest on two puncture holes in the Sacrificial Idol’s neck.)


Joanne.


We’ve been on a collision coarse since Devil’s Night. I have the unfortunate feeling that this is not our last chapter......... a guy can dream though. One thing I do know, is that after tonight – when you pool your KGB resources, and finish restructuring the gang? Your coffin is going to be a lot harder to reach. So with that thought in my mind, I'm trying to push out the darkness and focus on the task at hand.


I have one question for you, Joanne.


You have seen the tapestry of my agony. All the potential scars that can be left behind. Keeping these atrocities in mind, I ask you...


Garlic?




Holy symbols?




Decapitation?




Sunlight?





Flames?




Running water?




Stake through the heart?




...Pick your poison.


(The fang marks seem to burn in the darkness, causing the speaker some discomfort.)


KGB.


The more things change. The more they stay the same. You have new faces, but I will continue to be the ceiling that keeps you miserable sons of bitches in check. There is a lot of bad blood flowing between us, going into these semi-finals...


Fortunately, I brought leeches.

(Scar tissue.)

[lunchboxlarry]

~Backstage~

We aren’t where you think we'd be.

Instead of the interview room, Lunchbox Larry sits at a table with a stack of papers and pen in front of him. And his namesake lunchbox, of course. A line of three slowly grows to four, then five, in front of our very eyes as fans make their way to get snacks and beverages between matches. Each fan, once reaching the front of the line, puts a bill on the table in return for Larry’s signature on the photograph.

A closer look reveals the signed sheets showcasing a picture of Lunchbox in mid-air, just before connecting with a Knuckle Sandwich on Antonio Ross’ forehead.
That led to his, and Kirby Jackson's, first tag team victory at SWAT.

Larry, who threw on an orange hoodie after his last match to stay warm, is still sweaty from the recent victory over El Combatiente and Lord Domiscus. He shells out signatures at a furious frequency... That is, until the flashy one storms the scene.

K-JAX
Lar! There you are! Shit, bro, you can’t go missing on me tonight. We made the semis, dude. I know we've been taking all our matches seriously so far, but these guys... Syberus and Jonnie Valentine... These guys are on another level, ya dig?

Kirby, two steps ahead of even himself sometimes, finally becomes aware of his surroundings.

K-JAX:
Wait, what’s this all about?

From his clean look and street clothes, which would make Joe Exotic jealous, it looks like he took the time since their last match to shower up and change. Larry looks up at him, while still managing to sign and serve the posters.

Before a rational thought can enter his mind, Larry had to get the answer to this question ever since he heard the name.

Lunchbox:
Before I answer... are we talking the retired third basemen for the Boston Red Sox, JV? He was my favori-

Jackson almost slapped him.

K-JAX:
Remember what we talked about?

Larry tilts his head forward and nods in shame.

Lunchbox:
Yeah, yeah... think before you speak... so this whole shindig...

Larry suddenly lights up, pointing toward his skeptical counterpart.

Lunchbox:
Did you know, Kirb, that Two Good is doing a special charity here in Melbourne during this Covid crap? You order one lunch, and they donate a lunch to a Women’s Shelter or Soup Kitchen. So I figured, if I can sell an autographed photo for the cost of a lunch then each one will not only get a lunch we can give to our fans or whoever is willing to take one… and then those charities get one free. Win-win, right?

Jackson looks stupefied. He grabs the back of his neck while his face twists. He peers over his shoulder to see the line of people waiting for Larry’s autograph; easily twenty strong at this point. For the slightest sliver of time, he smiles. Then he whips back and leans in to whisper to his large lumberjack of a tag partner.

K-JAX:

Yo, Lar. This is awesome. Really is, don’t get me wrong. But… you know we got a semi-final match coming up, right? Like… you understand we won that last match? You did make the pin, Larry.
And that means we got another one. Against a team of champions, my dude. Sybs is International. The not former sportsball player is the former World Champ. We gotta focus, man.

Larry, either unaware of or deciding to ignore the condescending tone accompanied with Kirby’s questions, looks up at his teammate with a smile. His blue eyes narrow in on Kirby’s.

Lunchbox:
Yah. I know, Kirbs. I’ll be ready for these… Stylistics. I mean, I get they've had success and all... but how worried are you about a couple of dudes that cut hair? Last guy who cut my hair was just another Bloodied Fox slash Brendan type. If ya know what I mean? Aunt Seamus…
Do. You. Know? What? I. Mean?

Kirby quickly shakes off the stupid stampeding his senses, but the slow-talk from Larry really got to him deep down.

K-JAX:
They aren’t. They don’t… I… holy shit.

He buries his head in his hands, avoiding the glare Larry gave for swearing in front of the younger fans in his line.

Lunchbox:
Sometimes, Kirb. You realize there’s things more important out there. Don’t you worry, I still love winning. And no one will know that more than Syberus and Johnny V. And it's because, as nice as they might seem, they just don't get it. Deep down, they're still in it for themselves. Sometimes, Kirb... sometimes you just gotta appreciate what you got... and help those who don't. So right now? Right now I have time to help make a difference. Right now I can fill some real lunchboxes.
And it's that same heart that, when we're in that ring... is gonna make the difference for us... So...

Jackson slowly nods.

Lunchbox:
You can help, too. Y’know…

A single eyebrow approaches Kirby’s hairline.

Lunchbox:
Half-

Larry hesitates and self-corrects; unable to lie.

Lunchbox:
At least a quarter of the folks coming through this line’r askin’ aboutcha. Would be real cool if you’d-

The seasoned veteran of shmooze smiles.

K-JAX:
Hey, Lar, I can’t tell ya how much that tickles my taint. But there’s a sliiiight problemo here.

Jackson holds up his hand, with his pointer finger and thumb a centimeter apart.

K-JAX:
Nothing to sign, hombre.

Kirby shrugs sarcastically.

Think about it.

Larry, however, is unphased.

Lunchbox:
Never fear, L-BOX is here!

Daggers shoot from Jackson’s eyes.

K-JAX:
What’d I say about-

Larry shakes his hands dismissively while shaking his head.

Lunchbox:
No, I know. I know. This time I mean it, though. Literally. Open it up.

The big man’s electric, blue eyes point to his orange lunchbox. With a healthy dose of trepidation, Kirby picks it up and pops it open.

K-JAX:
You didn’t.

Larry smiles.

K-JAX:
Wait. These are from…

Kirby squints; carefully examining contents of Larry’s lunchbox.

K-JAX:
I lost that ascot on the flight.
From Vegas.

His gaze raises and he stares inquisitively at his tag partner, who continues to sign autographs like a machine.

K-JAX:
You’ve had these in there this whole time?

Larry snaps a finger. A nearby crew worker instantly sets up an extra chair at the table.

Larry pats the seat of the chair.

Kirby cautiously follows orders.

Ever had a dream you felt was real? That’s probably how he’s feeling right now.

As soon as he takes his seat, more fans rush the line and he finds himself rushing through the stack of his pre-SWAT photos contained in Larry’s lunchbox.

In between fans, he can’t help but look at his friend and wonder, “Maybe there’s more to Larry than meets the eye.”

Lunchbox:
But don’t you worry, Kirbnation. I’m saving the Knuckle Sammies for the fashionistas.

Kirby shakes his head and thinks, “Maybe there isn’t.”

K-JAX:
Still not right, but I’ll take it… I guess.

Cut.

[frostbite]

Earlier in the show...

Moments after Frostbite and Joanne victory over Team Fairtex which moves them right into the final four of the Anzac tag team tournament. Frostbite has just rolled out of the ring as he shakes Joanne hand after there hard fought win, tainted but nevertheless a win anyway. Frostbite tries to stand up, but as He does so his left knee gives out of him as Team Fairtex worked it over in the match. The ref walks over to Frostbite as Joanne has a concern look on her face because her partner knee gave out on him. Frostbite tries to stand back up by himself as he wants the two to back off because he feels he can make it, he tries once again and walks a few feet as he gets to the beginning of the ramp but collapse once again as the ref and Joanne rush to his side. They slowly help him to his feet as Joanne is on his right side and the rev is on his left as they help him back up the ramp as Frostbite can not put any weight on his left knee. Pain is etched on Frostbite face as they get to the top of the entrance as Joanne pushes back the black curtain.

Frostbite.. Son of a bitch.

Joanne still has a look of concern on her face as fears that her partner's not might just be over with and her chances of winning the tournament might have gone up in smoke. The two are loking around as they are looking around backstage, until they come upon a short black haired young man wearing a blue and white tee shirt with black jeans. He has a walkie talkie in his hand, the ref looks at the young man.

Ref.. Where is the medical room.

The young man points right down the hall, straight ahead. The more they move the more pain is etched on Frostbite face, as they try to hurry things along. The three take a long journey which seems like thousand miles until the three reach the medical staff room through the ref door. Joanne and the ref help Frostbite over to the first table as they help him up on it. The ref leaves the room, and suddenly a young brown haired gentleman come a flying into the room as his hair is on fire. He has on a red shirt with tan pants. He gets over to Frostbite has he is holding his left knee. The young man looks right into Frostbite blue eyes.

Medial staff member.. Hello sir, my name is Doctor James Davis. I see you are holding your left knee. Can I take a look at it.

Frostbite tilts his head back as the pain is etched on his face even more. As the doctor touches Frostbite knee as he jerks his head back as he grabs the doctor by his throat.

Doctor Davis( as he gasp for air) Sir you have to let go of my throat.

Joanne nods her head as Frostbite does let go, as the doctor must gather himself for a few seconds after seeing his life flash before his eyes. He touches around Frostbite left knee as he reaches for the doctor throat once again but this time Joanne blocks it as Frostbite throws his head back once again. As the doctor pulls away he sees that Frostbite knee has swollen a little bit.

Doctor Davis.. Sir I am going get this x ray. You might sufficient damage in this knee.

Joanne looks at Frostbite.

Frostbite.. Doctor I can not have an x ray, I do not have time for that I have a tournament that me and my partner over her must win.

Doctor Davis.. Sir, if everytime I touch your knee and you are in so much pain it is not a good sign. Please let me take an x ray of it.

Frostbite.. I do have time for that right now.

Frostbite jumps off the table but it is not a wise decision as he does so, the pain becomes to much to bear that he almost drops to the floor but Joanne catches him as she helps him back onto the table.

Doctor Davis.. Look sir, if you will not allow me to x ray your knee they I can not allow you to get back out there in that ring because I do not know what damage it has cause.

Frostbite looks at Joanne, and then to the doctor.

Frostbite.. Wrap the knee up and I can go. I know I can get back out there and finish this tournament out. We are going to win this thing, if my leg gives out then it does. I will fight on one leg.

Joanne looks at Frostbite has if he has lost his mind.

Frostbite.. Joanne we have come so damn far. I am not letting a twist of the knee to stop me. This doctor is going to wrap his knee up and we are going to head back out there and win this thing.

The doctor looks at Joanne as she just shrugs her shoulders.

Doctor Davis.. But sir, I will not medically clear you.

Frostbite.. I told you dumb ass wrap it up. What do you want me to do. Do I have to sign some papers so you will not be at fault.

The Doctor looks at them both.

Frostbite.. Doc, I do not have all night.

Frostbite jumps off the table but his face tells the story that he is still in pain. Frostbite is limping around the room looking for some bandages. The doctor is trying to get Frostbite back into the table, as he is limping even more around the room. Joanne tries to get Frostbite to get back onto the table but it is not doing any good as he is ripping up the room until he finds those bandages. He heads over to a brown cabinet over against the wall as he reaches in there and finds some white bandages. He limps back over to the table, as he pulls himself back onto it.

Frostbite.. Alright doc, let's go.

The doctor looks at Joanne.

Doctor Davis.. You are his tag team partner reason with him. He can not go, he is done for the tonight. You need to get him to a local hospital and have it looked at.

While Frostbite has been limping around his knee appears to have swollen to the size of a grapefruit. The doctor walks over to Frostbite.

Doctor Davis.. Sir you were on your knee and it had gotten bigger. You are done for the night.

frostbite looks over at Joanne.

Frostbite.. We are not done, I promise you this. Get Zoran on the phone, I will, sign whatever papers he needs for me to sign. I want clearance to get back into the fight.

Doctor Davis.. I guess we can try to get a hold of him but I will tell him what you already now. I can not allow you to get back into that ring, because we do not know how bad your knee really is?

Frostbite looks over to Joanne.

Frostbite.. Why don't you head back to the locker room and get yourself ready. I promise you once I hear from Zoran, I will have this doctor tape him up and we are going to win this damn thing.

She shakes her head as she looks at the doctor as she leaves the room.

A Little bit later..

Frostbite is still in the trainer room as he watches on the monitor as he sees Radu Matei and Lucky Linda get their hands raised in victory as it appears that if Frostbite is given medical clearance that is who he and Joanne will have to face. He looks down at his left knee as it is still swollen the size of a grapefruit. Frostbite is looking around the room as it appears that he is getting impatient waiting on word from the general manager. He is in the room by himself. Suddenly Doctor Davis enters the room with a pen and clipboard in hand. He walks over to Frostbite as he looks at the white bandages in his right hand.

Doctor Davis.. Well I have talked to the boss. It appears that he will grant your wish. You can get in the ring, but you must sign this. It clears this company of any wrong doing. You were told not to get in that ring, but you decide against our better judgement.

Frostbite.. It would not be the first time in my career that I have went against somebody wishes.

Frostbite takes the pen and clipboard as he signs it. He hands it back to the doctor. The doctor places the pen and clipboard on a table not too far from him. He takes the white bandages as he wraps it around Frostbite left knee as the pain is etched on his face as the doctor is doing so. The doctor continue to wrap it until he feels that he has it just about right.

Doctor Davis.. I think that might cover it. However let me look around for something quickly.

The doctor walks around the room as he looks under another table as he reaches down and pulls out a black knee brace. He walks back over to Frostbite. He places that brace on his knee for that extra protection. The doctor steps back,

Doctor Davis.. Ok, can you get off the table.

Frostbite jumps off the table as he tries to flex his knee but the pain is still etched on his face. However Frostbite decides to walk around the room, even though the wrap job and the knee brace is helping a little bit, but he still has a limp. As he is walking around the room. Joanne is back in the room. She has a surprised look in her eyes as she can not believe he is up and around.

Frostbite.. I told you everything would work out. Zoran has given me the okay and we are going to win this damn thing.

Doctor Davis.. Well if you will excuse me my services are needed elsewhere.

The doctor leaves the room as Joanne walks over to Frostbite who is back up on the table.

Frostbite.. I am ready to go. I know I did see who we will be facing in the next round. Look why don't you head back to the locker room and I will sit here and little bit longer. I am going to head back to the locker room myself and get another pair of boots to wear because I discovered I have a slight hole in the heal of these.

Joanne nods her head as she leaves once again. She looks back Frostbite and then at his knee, she shakes her head knowing that she must might have to carry the load for her team. Frostbite tilts his head back as he closes his eyes.

Moments later..,

We see Frostbite had left the trainer room and in the locker room as he is sitting on s brown bench in front of a locker as he is putting on a pair of black and blue boots as he tosses the others aside on the floor. He looks down at his left knee as he touches the brace, he fixes it must the way he wants it.

Frostbite.. Radu it has been awhile since we were last in the ring. I believe the last time we were in the ring, you were the champ. It was my first crack at the title since my return to the company. I went out there and as you said I try to freeze you well maybe not the way you might have word it but you catch my drift. Radu I do not apologize for what I did. I made Paul a promise that I was going to burn this bitch to the ground and taking the title would have been icing on the cake. Think about it, I actually was doing a number on you, but Paul screw me out of the title but as I look back on it. He would rather have you champ than well have me being the champ. Now look at how things has a changed. Who would have thought I would be a member of the KGB and you return to the company. Things have changed certainly.

At the time you were right we were both the top two faces in the company, but the more I look back on it. I never should have been that babyface. I was consider at one point in time in this business one of the most hated heels around and that was a fact. I was never suppose to be the face that the fans cheer for. I was never suppose to sign the autographs and shake hands. Never should I have taken in those cheers that made me weak. I should have always been the big bad heel that should have walked right in here and take what should have been mine, the title. Now here we are two single wrestlers trying to win a tag team tournament. I am sure it would seem like some great story that you come back and win this tournament, right.

He shakes his head.

Frostbite.. Nope this is my time. Look you had your little fun of running things now it is my time to shine and by winning this tournament is the start of bigger things. Tonight it is the tournament and tomorrow the world title. I did not comeback to this company and grab him a little something. It is my time now and Radu you and everybody needs to stay out of my way.

He continues to lace up his boots.

Frostbite.. Lucky Linda, now I know you want revenge on me for turning my back on team SWAT, a team that you were suppose to be part of but you let some personal feelings it in your way and you left the team. What a leader you are? I know with my knee he hurt as it might be, you feel it is the perfect target to get me out of this tournament. Well that name your luck runs out tonight. Joanne and myself are not leaving out of here without the cup tonight. No longer will Frostbite take a backseat to nobody anymore. Tonight, is a time to make a huge statement.

He drops his head but picks it back up with am intense look in his blue eyes.

Frostbite.. I will not leave out of here without that cup tonight. I do not care if I do it on one leg. Tonight is my and Joanne night. Even if you have to end my career, then do it.

The scene fades out.

[Jonnie Valentine]

(Lions Gate Entertainment graphic fades up and then fades down. Then the voice over guy starts)


"A boy who had given up all hope."


Scott Caan as a Social Worker: The kid hasn't spoken since he witnessed his family eaten by sharks. I'm taking him to Sea World, to get him over his fear of fins. 


"Meets an animal that could use a little."


Brian Cox as Sea World Owner: This baby dolphin was found abandoned by it's parents because it doesn't have a fin. I've had every trainer work with him but nothing's worked. We need you back. 


"Devilishly Handsome" Jonnie Valentine: I've told you. I'm out. I'm never going to train another dolphin after...what happened. 


Brian Cox/Sea World Owner: If you think I'm just just going to let you drink yourself to death on this house boat....


"Devilishly Handsome" Jonnie Valentine: (through tears) I CAN'T GO BACK!!


"When it comes to friendship, no words are needed" 


Natalie Dormer As British Scientist: That boy and that dolphin are somehow communicating. This could change everything we know about dolphins...


Scott Caan/Social Worker: "That boy" can't communicate with anything! 


Natalie Dormer/British Scientist: Wait...


(Social Worker and Scientist stop and look at the boy who is petting the baby dolphin's prosthetic fin)


"When the only thing left is redemption..."


Jonnie Valentine: Everyone's telling me what I need, but I'll tell you what I don't need, is some broken off dolphin and a snot nose mute getting in my way! 


"Hope is the only path home"


Scott Caan/Social Worker: What happened out there? 


(Jonnie thinks back to helplessly watching as the children who fell into the Man Eating Dolphin tank are ripped to shreds by the heartless dolphins)


"When everything is on the line..."


Natalie Dormer/British Scientist: These readings don't make any sense, the dolphin's brain power is greater than yours or mine...


(Doorknob starts to turn. Then turn, and turn, like the person on the other side can't get it open. Natalie Dormer tries to hold her pause as the doorknob keeps getting turned. Then 110% Syberus opens the door, and walks into the room dressed as a Sea World security guard he walks over to Scott Caan)


110% Syberus: Oh, bloody hell, my mark. 


(110% Syberus side steps over several feet until he's standing on his mark) 


110% Syberus: ... (peers over Natalie Dormer's shoulder, looking at the camera)


Natalie Dormer/British Scientist: Yes?


b]110% Syberus:[/b] Hmm? Oh, right. My line. (clears his throat) "Ahem, the dolphins gone, my lady. And the boy." 


Natalie Dormer/British Scientist: You see? 


Scott Caan/Social Worker: We've got to find them. 


(Syberus starts staring at the camera, then realizes he's staring at the camera so tries to look elsewhere, but one of his eyes is still on the camera) 


Natalie Dormer/British Scientist: (improvising) Thank you, loyal water park employee. We'll take this information you have brought us and use it to find the boy and the dolphin. 


110% Syberus: Beg your pardon? Oh, yes. Quite. Find the dolphin...and the lad, preferably. If you can. Obviously. Really the local police should find the child. That really shouldn't be any of our concern. 

(Jonnie Valentine bursts in) 


Jonnie Valentine: The fish is gone! 


110% Syberus: The mammal. 


Jonnie Valentine: The mammal is gone! 


(Zoom out to Jonnie watching the trailer on his phone in his hotel suite in Melbourne, Australia. A 9 year old child's voice starts to cut into it. "Dad?" "Dad?")


Arn Valentine: Dad?


Jonnie Valentine: Huh? 


Arn Valentine: What's the answer?


Jonnie Valentine: Sorry, to what, bud? 


Arn Valentine: Each unit cube is about 1 centimeters down. Which is the best estimate for the length of the paper clip. 


Jonnie Valentine: No idea.  


Arn Valentine: I'm gonna do this with Mom. 


Jonnie Valentine: (trying to stop him) No, no, no... Mom's taking a nap. I got this. Ok, so how many centimeters is a paper clip? 


Arn Valentine: I don't know, I have to measure one. 


Jonnie Valentine: Well, then you're going to have to go to 1989 to find one, because I haven't used one since then. 


(knock at the hotel door) 


Jonnie Valentine: I have to get that. Whatever you do, don't wake up your mother. 


(Jonnie goes to the door and opens it. 110% Syberus is at the the door) 


110% Syberus: Did you see they released the trailer? 


Jonnie Valentine: I did, come in. 


(110% Syberus enters the lavish Melbourne hotel suite. He sees Jonnie's son Arn, for the first time in a long time) 


110% Syberus: Why, hello, Arn. How have you been? 


Arn Valentine: You know the metric system. Do you know how long a paper clip is? 


110% Syberus: I haven't the foggiest. 


Arn Valentine: (yells) MOM???


Jonnie Valentine: (quieting Arn) Are your trying to get me killed, man?! We'll figure this out. No one needs to shed any blood here...


110% Syberus: (interrupting) Did you see my part??


Jonnie Valentine: (feigning enthusiasm) I did. Good stuff. 


110% Syberus: Did you see where they used my improv where I told them not to look for the kid? I totally though that would wind up on the cutting room floor. 


Jonnie Valentine: I can't believe they didn't cut any of that out. It defies reason. 


110% Syberus: Right? Those acting classes have paid off. Did you see where I hit my mark? That's the worth the price of those classes alone...


Jonnie Valentine:  How much is that again...


110% Syberus: (interrupting) A $1000 a month! Small price to play for upstaging Scott Caan. Mr. CSI: Miami himself. 


Jonnie Valentine: Hawaii 5.0...


110% Syberus: (interrupting) Whatever!! I'm so jazzed about this trailer. It's...


(Three time Hardkore World Women's Champion and the first African American Women's Champion formerly "Sexy" Anjanette Turner, now Anjanette Valentine walks out of her bedroom with a blindfold pinned to her forehead) 


"Sexy" Anjanette Valentine: What's all the racket? 


Jonnie Valentine: (pounds table) GODDAMMIT!! (to Syberus) You see? Now I'm dead. 


Anjanette Valentine: Can't I get a little sleep? 


Jonnie Valentine: Of course you can. I was just...


Anjanette Valentine: (interrupting) Don't I work with Arn all day with his school work? 


Jonnie Valentine: You do, you absolutely do....


Anjanette Valentine: And then when I ask you to help out a little bit. You have company over? 


110% Syberus: (stands up) I, for one, would like to apologize...


Anjanette Valentine: No one is talking to you, Def Leppard. 


110% Syberus: (sits down) Totally understood. 


Anjanette Valentine: Now I asked you to help Arn with his school work while I slept. Is that too much to ask? 


Jonnie Valentine: (quietly) no....


Anjanette Valentine: I beg your pardon? 


Jonnie Valentine: No! I said no.


(Anjanette pivots and returns to her suite's bedroom and slams the door. Jonnie and Syberus sit next to one another awkwardly) 


Jonnie Valentine: Was there anything else? 


110% Syberus: Hmm? Oh yes. You see we're facing K-JAX and Lunchbox Larry in the third round? 


Jonnie Valentine: I'm barely over the elation that we beat Eddie D and Trent J, The Brothers of Anarchy and we already have these two chomping at the bit. Congratulations on avoiding the Worst Gimmick In Wrestling, the mayonnaise thing Trent Jones does for reasons only known to himself. Congratulations on Pure Confidencing his soft spot into the mat and pinning the SWAT World Champion. 


110% Syberus: Twas nothing. He's surprisingly easy to pin. I noticed they had to let the SWAT World title belt out a little to fit it around his massive Dr. Pepper gut. 


Jonnie Valentine: And there's Eddie D. I didn't think you could treat the fans worse than I saw you made them listen to Linkin Park. What are you, a chick who works at PetCo that's a cutter?


110% Syberus: That win set us up nicely for after the tournament, but winning The Anzac Cup? That could prove tricky with this new upstart team Lunchbox Larry and K-JAX. They already beat Bloodied Zen Romance and Lord Dominicus & El Combatiente. 


Jonnie Valentine: I've been watching them. Larry worries me. I can't catch one of those Knuckle Sandwiches. Not with my dental plan. Hell, K-JAX worries me. He's got nothing to lose, been kicked around the indies, reminds me of a young...


110% Syberus: You? 



Jonnie Valentine: Spanky...me? What? No. God. Think of what you're saying. 


110% Syberus: So we cut the ring off, make them wish they never heard the word tag team? 



Jonnie Valentine: You see they almost did a tag team move the last match? 


110% Syberus: It was adorable. 


Arn Valentine: (interrupting) You guys are supposed to help with my homework...


110% Syberus: 5 centimeters. 


Arn Valentine: You sure?


110% Syberus: I'm more than sure. I'm British. 


(Arn sighs and enters 5 centimeters into his laptop) 

[SWAT Team]

Jeremy Tucker: We’re back fans, with the first of our semi-finals – and it promises to be explosive.

Andrew Fulton: You’ve got that right, Jeremy. Forget the fact that our Amazon division has become a pressure cooker with Joanne Canelli and Lucky Linda La Fey becoming the two most dominant performers to ever grace it, these semis now representing the next chapter in their heated rivalry. Forget the fact that Linda made a strong stand against the KGB back at New Year’s Nightmare, only to have the man across the ring, Frostbite betray her. You also have the first encounter between Canelli and Matei since she basically cost him the world title, which doesn’t even scratch the surface of their sick relationship. We have also just heard Matei backstage, detailing the unfinished business he has with Frostbite. You remember that match, right Jerry?

Jeremy Tucker: That evening was a bit of a haze.

Andrew Fulton: I can believe it! How many memes were made out of your commentary on that match? It was hilarious! Point is all four of these competitors have been looking forwards to bashing one another’s faces in.

Jeremy Tucker: Yes - well, lets throw it down to Frank Salazar for introductions.

[In the ring, Frank Salazar straightens his bowtie.]

Frank Salazar : Ladies and gentlemen, this is the first of our semi-finals for the Anzac Cup. Entering first, representing the KGB. Hailing from The Jersey Shore, New Jersey, coming in at 5’11 and 135 pounds ... The Jersey Devil Diva, The Godfather, Don Canelli ... JOANNE CANELLI!!!! And her partner ... hailing from Boulder, Colorado. Coming in at 6’2 and 225 pounds ... The Cold Hearted Bastard .... FROSTBITE!!!

[The new KGB theme and entrance video hits the SWAT Tron and Frostbite and Joanne Canelli make their way out onto the entrance, they stop in the centre and do a double pose. This time James Fierce is replaced by Canelli’s entourage of Rude, Reno and her brother. The trio following the stars down the aisle.]

Jeremy Tucker: Neither Timeless nor Fierce joining their KGB allies for this.

Andrew Fulton: They’ve already taken out Paul Soutter and the Fairtax Brothers without breaking a sweat! Even if it would be nice for the entire KGB to beat the Classics like they were piñatas – this is personal enough for Joanne and Frostbite to want to take business on their own.

("Ready to Go" by Republica starts to pump over the PA system, as green and white searchlights weave through the crowd. Over the SWATron highlights of the 2019 match of the year play - showing the next team murder one another in violent bursts that make them seem larger than life.)

#It's a crack, I'm back yeah standing#
#On the rooftops shouting out,#
#BABY I'M READY TO GOOOOOOOOOOOO#

(As the song hits a high point, orange and blue fireworks burst from the stage. Worked up into a frenzy, the crowd scream their approval as Lucky Linda La Fey and "The Sacrificial Idol" Radu Matei push through the curtains. The two wear red and white variations on their usual outfits to reinforce their team dynamic despite their substantial single successes. Flashbulbs go off throughout the arena as the two start to make their way down in sync with the music. Linda is the more positive of the two, happily slapping fans hands, while Matei reaches out for a few, but still finds the prospects of being a fan favourite odd.)

Frank Salazar: At this time, please put your hands together in welcoming...

"Lucky" Linda La Fey

"The Sacrificial Idol" Radu Matei...

Please put your hands together for...


T H E

S W A T

C L A S S I C ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

(As the two arrive at ringside yellow and white streamers are thrown at the ring. The sheer quantity of the ribbons give Matei is former Dark Man appearance - only for another round of fire to set them ablaze. Small, controlled fires, soon burn the paper away from the ring, leaving only SWAT Classic to confront their---

Jeremy Tucker: The KGB attacking from behind! Getting cheap shots in before the bell!

Andrew Fulton: Serves Matei and La Fey right for their elaborate entrance. Streamers? Where do they think they are – Japan?

Jeremy Tucker: Genders pairing off, with Canelli chop blocking La Fey’s leg to take her down, and now hyper extending it! Frostbite spearing Matei into the corner, now going to work on those bruised ribs with vicious knee strikes. Check out the snap on them.

Andrew Fulton: Joanne choking Linda, while applying a kneebar! Just trying to crank that leg out of its socket. Frostbite has pulled the medical tape off of Radu’s ribs that is some intense bruising.

Jeremy Tucker: Yeah but Matei starting to ignore those knee strikes, fighting through the pain! Changing tactics, Frostbite pulls him out of the corner with a rock bottom! Dragged Matei off the ropes, and tossed him INTO Linda! All of the Sacrificial Idol’s weight shoved down on La Fey’s hyperextended knee. She’ll be lucky if its not broken!

Andrew Fulton: Now the KGB going to town, kicking away. This is that new vicious streak! Just like Soutter, the Classics are experiencing more of a gang beating than a wrestling match.

Jeremy Tucker: And the bell still hasn’t rung – oh – our referee is DeadEye Dylan. He may be indifferent.

Andrew Fulton: That gruff bastard doesn’t see anything! For him to be assigned to this match, Zoran isn’t playing favourites, he wants these two teams to kill each other!

Jeremy Tucker: Frostbite and Canelli get Matei up in the air, and SPIKE piledrive him INTO Canelli’s leg. That is some sadistic ring psychology. Frostbite using a choke to drag Matei away from his partner as Joanne hits ROLL THE DICE!!!

Andrew Fulton: Linda is down, and Joanne insisting that DeadEye start the match so she can officially pin.

DING! DING!! DING!!!

Jeremy Tucker: There is a fistful of tights – ONE, TWO, kickout! Lucky Linda’s left leg looks swollen, and she barely kicked out with her right. Match has only officially just started, and the Classics looking worse for wear. Joanne again working a kneebar – pulling back to punish Linda for daring to continue!

Andrew Fulton: With the match underway, Frostbite kicking Matei to the outside like he was trash. Matei falling to the floor where Rude and Reno can go to town – it’s not like Deadeye is going to call them on it. Frostbite crossing the ring to his corner and STEPPNG on Linda on his way! Wonderful! I have to say, having put Paul out to pasture, Frostbite has never looked better!

Jeremy Tucker: Joanne transitioning into a hammerlock leglock AROUND the ropes! The KGB do not want Linda walking away from this match. Meanwhile, outside Rude and Reno dropping Matei rib first across the guardrail.

Andrew Fulton: Do you think the Final Fantasy 7 remake will draw enough attention to their names that they change them? Something more stereotypical mafia like Lefty or Olive Garden State?

Jeremy Tucker: They have weathered the storm this long, and if anything it will lead to a rise in popularity. The duo now propping Matei up against the ring post, as Scarpaci runs at him with a chair!

#CLANG#

*POP*

Jeremy Tucker: Matei pulling Rude into the way! Hard left hand catches Reno on the chin – dropped him like a sack of potatoes!

Andrew Fulton: Scarpaci still has the chair – you can do it! Nope, he’s backtracking like a pro!

Jeremy Tucker: Matei slowly climbing the steps back to his own corner, and look at that – the legal teammates in the ring, its as though both teams were actually going to pretend to follow the rules. It’s an Anzac miracle!

Andrew Fulton: Joanne peeling Linda off the ropes, turns that hammerlock into a legbreaker! Holds on! REPEATER legbreaker! Shifting her grip – EXPLODER!

Jeremy Tucker: Dropping La Fey hard on her neck! And there is the cover... ONE, TWO, th-shoulder up!

Andrew Fulton: Canelli scratching La Fey’s shoulder for her resistance, while tagging Frostbite in.

Jeremy Tucker: Frostbite enters with a spinning legdrop! Now lifting La Fey up with a pump-handle slam! Hangs onto that left leg for the quick cover – ONE, TWO, shoulder up. Frostbite with a few well-placed kicks to the leg. Radu Matei offering words of support in the corner and – what is Canelli doing?

[Staring directly at Matei, Canelli raises a hand in the air while whispering to herself. Moments later the fang marks on his throat start gushing blood.]

Jeremy Tucker: Is she doing that with her mind?

Andrew Fulton: Please! Don’t believe the hype. Matei is so fragile these days his skin will gush blood for anything. She probably batted an eyelash at him. No supernatural shenanigans needed, these are all competent technicians – Deadeye aside, I’m sure they can put on an actual wrestling match.

Jeremy Tucker: Release overhead German suplex by Frostbite – part of a combo he calls the Rebecca Plunge. Now stomping on the canvas, trying to get Lucky Linda up... slowly using the ropes to pull herself up. Frostbite charging in with the sweet chin musi- LINDA CATCHES HIM WITH A SUPERKICK OF HER OWN!

Andrew Fulton: That kick looked like it took more out of her than him! Linda collapsing, but crawling over for the cover – 1, big kickout!

Jeremy Tucker: Still, Frostbite down, and Linda would be advised to make the hot tag. She’s crawling over – but Frostbite grab’s her left leg. Reaching out for the tag...

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

[Rather than reach down to tag her, Radu stands on the corner zoned out, with his eyes rolled back into his head.]

Andrew Fulton: Linda called it! She said the only way SWAT Classic would lose was if RADU joined the KGB! Yet another person that would rather join a Russian secret police pun than have anything to do with her!

Jeremy Tucker: Matei hasn’t betrayed anything – its almost like Canelli has him hypnotized!

Andrew Fulton: Well its easy to get lost in her eyes, but again with the supernatural suggestions, Jerry? We’re going to chalk this lapse of attention up to Radu’s well-documented brain trauma.

Jeremy Tucker: Some thrust kicks to the head knock Frostbite off of her leg. Lucky Linda back in her corner, but Matei is in a trance. Frostbite from behind with a HELL FROZE OVER!!!! ONE, TWO, THRE- foot in the ropes!

Andrew Fulton: Lucky Linda barely kicking out of that – and its not like Matei is aware enough of his surroundings to break the pin.

Jeremy Tucker: Frostbite now with a tilt-a-whirl slam. He looks ready to finish this – calling for... yeah... it’s going to be the Snowstorm! Hooks the neck...

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Jeremy Tucker: LINDA REVERSES INTO AN INSIDE CRADLE – ONE!!!! TWO!!!!!

Andrew Fulton: Massive kickout by Frostbite – who looks equally surprised and annoyed by that. Quickly up to his feet to pull La Fey into a tilt-a-whirl backb-

Jeremy Tucker: No, she lands on her feet and sends Frostbite hard into the corner with an Irish whip! Force sent him crashing into Canelli! Canelli almost knocked off the apron! Linda limps in after him with a splash – and a European uppercut knocks Canelli off the apron.

Andrew Fulton: Joanne startled – and Matei seems to be shaking off his senior moment.

Jeremy Tucker: Frostbite clasping La Fey’s waist, and charging out of the corner with a running bodyslam, but Linda hooks the neck for a makeshift DDT! Awkward angle puts both of them in bad shape. Both are down in the middle of the ring. Deadeye should be giving them a ten count, but he’d rather they’d just give up and rot – like his dead eye.

Andrew Fulton: Lucky Linda starting to stir, crawling towards Matei who is once again extending his arm for the hot tag. Frostbite rolling over trying to stop her.

*POP*

Jeremy Tucker: There we go! Radu Matei tagging in, and diving on top of Frostbite just trying to choke the life out of him. This has been a long time coming. Frostbite firing off headbutts trying to shake Matei loose, but Unbreakable M firing back headbutts of his own! Both men LITERALLY turning their faces into hamburger!

Andrew Fulton: Whichever one ends up getting to the finals will do it with a concussion.

Jeremy Tucker: Matei coming out on top with those headbutts, so Frostbite winds him with a knife-edge chop to the throat! A second one! He seems to be working the bloody bite mark on the neck! Forearm smash by Matei splits Frostbite’s forehead wide open. Not backing down, Frostbite FISHHOOKS those bite marks and pulls Matei into a swinging neckbreaker!

Andrew Fulton: Stomp to the throat for good measure.

Jeremy Tucker: Frostbite going for a moonsault, but Matei is quick to bring his knee up! Fistful of hair drags Frostbite face first into the turnbuckle, further opening up that forehead. Matei choking him against the top rope, WHILE biting his grizzly forehead!

Andrew Fulton: You know how many skin grafts Matei has had to go through after their last match? He’d be QUITE happy to permanently disfigure Frostbite. Its stupid to go for revenge though. While he’s trying to hurt Frostbite, the KGB are looking to win. ...And any vengeance he got? They’d just come back and do worse to him later.

Jeremy Tucker: Be that as it may, Matei seems intent on hurting Frostbite, as he digs his sharp claws into the former fan favourites’ face. Wait, what is Reno handing Frostbite?

Andrew Fulton: Chain wrapped around his fist, Frostbite buries it into Matei’s gut. Shot to the jaw! Enough force to break it. Steel chain tearing flesh as he just unloads over and over again!

Jeremy Tucker: A big shot by that chain send Matei into the ropes – Lucky Linda with a slingshot body press! Tags herself in while taking Frostbite down for a cover – ONE!!!! TWO!!!!!! TH-KICKOUT!

Andrew Fulton: The move was enough to knock the chain out of Frostbite’s hand. Matei retrieving it, before tagging himself back in.

Jeremy Tucker: Linda really favouring that left leg, only back in so quickly to make the save.

#CLINK#

Jeremy Tucker: Matei using that chain as a whip, bringing down across Frostbite’s back! Livid that the man covered him I liquid nitrogen, and trying to do almost as much physical damage through sheer brutality.

#CLINK#
#CLINK#
#CLINK#
#CLINK#
#CLINK#

Andrew Fulton: Frostbite’s back is a bloody mess – but on the sixth follow through, Canelli catches the other end of the chain in the air. Not having any part of the Castlevania imagery, she yanks that makeshift whip out of Radu’s hand. That got Matei’s attention and – again?!

Jeremy Tucker: Locking eyes, Matei once again going into a trance – and Frostbite from behind catches him with the Hail Storm!!!! Frostbite going for the cover – ONE!!!!!!!!!!! TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THREE????????????

Andrew Fulton: Matei turns it into a backslide – ONE!!!!! TWO!!!!! Big Kickout but given the state of Frostbite’s back you KNOW that hurt!

Jeremy Tucker: Frostbite almost taking Matei’s head off with a leg lariat! Now lifting him up – MILE HIGH!!!!!!! ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THREE?????????? Foot in the ropes! Frostbite pulling Matei up again, calling for the SnowStorm – no, Matei with a double leg takedown and there is the ground and pound!

Andrew Fulton: Tagging out to Linda in between punching away at Frostbite, and she comes off the top with a flying elbow! One! Two! Frostbite with a shoulder up.

Jeremy Tucker: Linda with a standing moonsault – again getting a two count. IRISH DESTROYER!!!!!!!!!!! ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THREE??????????????

Andrew Fulton: Frostbite again getting a foot in the ropes. Linda tagging back out to Matei.

Jeremy Tucker: Radu going for the centipede lock – but Frostbite managing to pull away. Both men so covered in blood slippery at this point that grappling is academic.

Andrew Fulton: Matei signalling for his CWM Special – starts to pull Frostbite into it – but in a desperation move, Frost LIFTS HIM up in the air – is that a spear or a fireman’s carry?!

Jeremy Tucker: Sheer force of will, lifting Matei half way across the ring, shoving him into the opposite corner! For all the effort, Matei knocks him off with a forearm smash!

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Jeremy Tucker: BUT THE DAMAGE IS DONE! JESUS!

*MONSTER JEERS*

Andrew Fulton: Joanne Canelli on the apron, just sinking her FANGS into Matei’s neck!

Jeremy Tucker: Talk about old smokey – blood is just SHOOTING out of Matei’s throat like a geyser! They are spraying the front row! Its not like Canelli wastes blood, so for that much to be flying, Matei is bleeding out!

Andrew Fulton: It’s a move like that which cost Matei his world title run.

Jeremy Tucker: Lucky Linda trying to run over and make the save, but Frostbite kicks that left leg out from under her. Matei is on his own.

Andrew Fulton: As the blood starts to slow down – probably because he’s running low, Joanne lets him go. Matei flopping to the canvas, white as a ghost. Frostbite tagging Canelli in.

Jeremy Tucker: Coming off the ropes THE MOB HIIT almost takes Radu’s head off. I’d hate to see the state of him if Canelli didn’t like him.

Andrew Fulton: KNEE to the face is forceful enough to knock Matei through the ropes to the floor. Joanne striking a pose for her fans, while her entourage on the outside go to town on Unbreakable M.

Jeremy Tucker: Reno, Rude, and Scarpaci just kicking away at Radu on the floor – wait – here comes Linda!

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Jeremy Tucker: LINDA OFF THE TOP WITH A LUCKY DIP OUTSIDE TO THE FLOOR! CRASHING INTO CANELLI’S ENTOURAGE! SHE JUST TOOK ALL OF THEM OUT!

Andrew Fulton: Linda pointing Radu back towards the ring, given the state of him, I’m not sure she’s doing him any favours.

Jeremy Tucker: Radu sliding back in, just as Canelli stands on his throat. And wait – outside, Canelli’s family is swarming La Fey! With Deadeye officiating, there is no chance of a disqualification and nothing to keep them in check! Linda barely able to stand but holding her own again three men!

Andrew Fulton: In the ring, Joanne is saying something to Radu an you know if he remembers any of this, those words will cut to the bone.

Jeremy Tucker: BITE THE CURB!!!! If Radu’s jaw wasn’t broken before, it sure as hell will be after that! Canelli with an arrogant cover – ONE! TWO! THREE!

Andrew Fulton: Nope, Radu with a fistful of ropes. Joanne looks amused that the abuse will continue. I guess as long as she’s happy.

Jeremy Tucker: A SECOND bite the curb! Radu is coughing up blood. Rather than go for the pin, Canelli firing off vicious punches and kicks with precision accuracy.

Andrew Fulton: Pulls him up with the Italian Neck Tie!

Jeremy Tucker: That should get the knockout win, not that Deadeye will bother checking to see if he’s conscious! Realizing that it will need some referee participation to make it official, Joanne turns to choke into a suplex. Not going for the pin, instead –

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Andrew Fulton: BULLS EYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jeremy Tucker: Matei is OUT COLD – and Joanne finally going for the cover...













ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

















TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!















THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Andrew Fulton: Foot in the ropes!

Jeremy Tucker: Joanne is playing it cool, but that is shocking!

Andrew Fulton: DIRT OFF YOUR SHOULDERS!!!!!!!


















ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




















TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

























THREE?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Jeremy Tucker: Somehow Matei manages to get his shoulder up.

Andrew Fulton: Human punching bag is going to end up dying in the ring.

Jeremy Tucker: Canelli tags in Frostbite – the duo hitting Matei with a spike piledriver. Double gutbuster can’t do his ribs any favours. Joanne out, and Frostbite pulling Radu into the wind chill factor. Which can only mean-

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Andrew Fulton: SNOWSTORM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



















ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


















TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


















THREEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!









Jeremy Tucker: He is out cold, but muscle reflexes somehow manage to get Radu’s leg on the ropes! I can’t believe it!

Andrew Fulton: Neither can Frostbite! But Linda is occupied on the outside, and there is only so much punishment even Radu can take. Frostbite is ending this. Here we go – High Pressure System!

Jeremy Tucker: High Pressure System! With those bruised ribs of Matei, Frostbite could kill him – but he’s too angry to care. Cranking back on that neck and-

Andrew Fulton: Ugh.

*MEGA POP*

Jeremy Tucker: Radu pulling Frostbite into an Ipponzei – and SPIKING his head off the canvas! Frostbite is twitching, and that could have been a stinger!

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Jeremy Tucker: Not that it’s stopping him – as he hangs on and tosses Frostbite a second, and third time!!! All high angle, and all on his head!

Andrew Fulton: Frostbite is out, and Radu scooping him up for the Okumade Crush! He hits this and-

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Jeremy Tucker: RADU MATEI STARING RIGHT INTO JOANNE CANELLI’S EYES! THE TWO ARE LOCKED IN A GAZE – AND HE’S FROZEN AGAIN!

Andrew Fulton: The man has Frostbite knocked out, all he has to do is hit this hold – and Joanne ONCE AGAIN has him in a trance!

*MASSIVE BOOS*

Jeremy Tucker: To survive that onslaught only to be stopped dead in his tracks.

Andrew Fulton: Frostbite starting to come too-

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Jeremy Tucker: LUCKY LINDA LA FEY ROLLS UNDER A RENO CHAIRSHOT!

SIDE STEPS A SWING BY RUDE WHO IS USING BRASS KNUCKLES!

BURIES A BOOT INTO SCARPACI’S STOMACH!

DUCKS UNDER ANOTHER CHAIRSHOT!

JUMPS ONTO SCARPACI’S BACK LIKE IT WAS A PLATFORM, AND LEAPS UP ONTO THE APRON!

JOANNE CANELLI STARTS TO THROW A HIGH KICK, BUT LINDA SHOOTS IN-

IRISH DESTROYER ON THE APRON!!!!! SHE JUST HIT THAT DESTROYER ON THE APRON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Andrew Fulton: Joanne definitely isn’t focused on the ring-

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Jeremy Tucker: RADU OUT OF HIS TRANCE, BRINGS FROSTBITE CRASHING DOWN WITH THE OKUMADE PRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!











ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

















TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

















THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*MASSIVE POP*

Frank Salazar: The winners of this contest – advancing to the finals of the Anzac Cup –

LUCKY LINDA LA FEY

AND

THE SACRIFICIAL IDOL RADU MATEI

SWAT CLASSIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*BLOW THE ROOF OFF THIS BAD BOY*

Andrew Fulton: How do you like that?

Jeremy Tucker: Against all odds, SWAT Classic manage to pick up the win.

Andrew Fulton: They have won the battle, but the war?

Jeremy Tucker: Looking at the state of them, the finals are definitely going to be an uphill battle!

Andrew Fulton: Not the only war I was talking about, Jerry. These two have a lot of bad blood with the KGB – and even if they spilt most of it, you know neither group will rest until the other can never wrestle again.

*CROWD SCREAM THEIR APPROVAL*

Jeremy Tucker: Radu Matei can barely stand, but tossing a bag of maggots on his opponents!

Andrew Fulton: Joanne Canelli’s family managed to shield her, but Frostbite and Rude both looking for round two as they brush off those gross bugs!

Jeremy Tucker: Strong security presence getting between the two groups. SWAT Classic celebrating in the ring – but if looks could kill? The daggers that Joanne Canelli is shooting Radu Matei suggest that he is in for a world of hurt.
[/b]

[King Syberus]

[The camera opens on the greatest professional wrestler to ever step foot in the ring.]



[The camera opens on a celestial being that operates on a plain of existence beyond your comprehension.]



[He looks big. Really big. The camera is filming from below as if looking up. 110% Syberus appears floating against a background of space – he sits on a throne of planets, and wears a crown of stars. His eyes are glowing pure white.]



110% Syberus: ALL WILL LOOK UPON ME AND DESPAIR!!



[He looks down at the camera. At least, you assume he's looking down at the camera. His infinite eyes remain shining their brilliant white.]



110% Syberus: Trent Jones! Eddie D! Yet more victims which fall at the feet of 110% Syberus like chaff in the wind!



“Devilishly Handsome” Jonnie Valentine: Ahem.



[The camera pans to see Jonnie looking normal stood next to Syberus on his galactic throne.]



Jonnie Valentine: A bit much perhaps?



110% Syberus: Oh, alright.



[We snap out to the scene of the Stylistics in their locker room and Greg the Assistant running special effects from his laptop as Syberus its infront of a green screen. Their stable mates in the Society of the New Breed Rally Jackson and Tuxedo Mask are also present, Tux instagramming his ice tea and Rally just slamming a couple of burritos.]



Jonnie Valentine: You about ready? We've got K-Jax and Lunchbox Larry any minute now.



110% Syberus: I know. And HARK! Do my ears hear the sound of a couple of guys that might actually be competent at this?



Jonnie Valentine: They just might.



110% Syberus: Thank GOD. How long were we actually going to have to hold the fort here?



Rally Jackson, dripping melted cheese and beans down his chest: I thought we were alone.



[Syberus turns to Rally.]



110% Syberus: So mayyybe don't shit in their boots?



[Rally just silently shrugs as he takes another bite.]



110% Syberus: As soon as they came into SWAT I saw something. Here are two guys that actually get what this business is all about. Without tired cliches, promos filled with endless rhetoric or



THINKING YOU HAVE TO SHOUT THE LOUDEST TO BE HEARD



...these guys have kicked out more quality in two months than most of the roster have managed combined since I walked back into this place.



Jonnie Valentine: Don't get too enamoured, they're still in the way of us getting our hands on that Anzac Cup. And what I can only assume is enormous financial gain for winning.



110% Syberus: Oh Jonnie we both know that's not true. Getting money from the fat man is like getting blood from a stone. Or Anthony Caffery getting an orgasm from human female.



He's straight right?



Jonnie Valentine: He's a he?



Rally Jackson: Who?



110% Syberus: Don't worry. Just because these new kids on the block have managed to bring with them a glimmer of hope, doesn't mean I'm not chomping at the bit to give them the same treatment we gave Eddie D and Trent Jones. Although truth be told I'm already anticipating a sterner test than we experienced against our “““WORLD CHAMPION”””.



[Syberus makes bunny-ear air quotes, and just keeps making them as he continues.]



110% Syberus: K-Jax and Larry... these guys are clearly cut from a different cloth. It's fucking obvious. They've got moxy. And they know when to end a promo. That's like gold dust around here.



[He's still doing the air quotes he started when he referred to Trent Jones as world champion, I can't stress that enough.]



Jonnie Valentine: All true. They're the kind of guys I would have happily had on my roster back in the day and exploited for personal gain.



110% Syberus: It's sad we have to make our introductions like this. But still, what says respect like you dropkicking them into oblivion, and me breaking parts of them they didn't even know could hurt.



Jonnie Valentine: Hands getting tired?



[Syberus was still doing air quotes.]



110% Syberus: I think I made my point.



K-Jax! The Box! Welcome to your first match against the Stylistics!



I know you've been wandering the earth lost and alone, searching for your own kind, searching for meaning.



Welp, you found it.



The only problem for you is that “IT” is coming through you like a freight train.



We're the Stylistics!!



[Greg the Assistant pulls a chord and golden confetti falls from the ceiling over them.]



Jonnie Valentine: Isn't Greg the best?



110% Syberus: Never misses a beat.



We're coming for you Boxy! We're coming for you K-Jax! We're your last stop here in the Anzac Cup. It's a shame we couldn't do this in the final. But we'll just have to pummel some other shits into the ground for the cup instead.



Also Trent?



You're awful.



[Fade.]

[Justin]

Backstage.

The trainer’s room.

Kirby Jackson has once again changed his attire. He’s weird that way. This time he’s donned an electric blue version of his usual grappling getup. That is to say ascot, armbands and tassles, extra-schmedium trunks, kneepads and bedazzled boots. Oh, and don’t forget them stunna shades and feathered earrings.

The look is all carefully tailored to match his million dollar looks and the most gash-splashing tu-toned mullet that you ever did see. Kirby Jackson, ladies and gentlemen, he’s a wild motherfucker.

Deal with it.

“The problem you’re gonna run into,” the trainer begins, “is that Syberus and Valentine are gonna see this and they’re gonna zero in on that knee.”

Did I forget to mention that his right knee is heavily taped under the pad?

Oops, sorry’n shit.

“I’d rather just work without it,” Kirby responded as he stretched, testing the knee. Testing the brace. Testing how well they work together.

“Not gonna happen; not on my watch.”

Kirby grimaces. “It’s just a flesh wound?”

Rolling her eyes, the trainer affirms herself. “You came to me, kiddo, said that Lord Dominicus jacked your knee up in a surfboard stretch. Am I right?”

“Well, yeah,” Kirby answered. “So?”

“So, that’s your answer. If you wanna stay cleared for the rest of this tournament, then you wear the wrap. If you’re looking for an excuse to get out of-”

“Excuse me?!”

She shrugged. “You think you’d be the first guy I’ve seen get in a little too deep and start looking for a way out? It happens. I don’t judge.”

“So you don’t think we can beat those guys?

“That’s not what I said, Mr. Jackson.”

She was very matter of fact, the issue was closed.

“Fine.” Kirby crossed his arms, deflated. He turned and made for the door. “Thanks, Doc.”

He took off down the hallway, determined to shake off the nerves that were now bubbling in his guts because of that trainer and her big mouth. He knew Larry would sense it right away and he didn’t wanna bring the big dude down heading into their semi-final match against the Stylistics.

Before he made the first turn toward the dressing room his phone started playing the song ‘Kirby’ by Aesop Rocky. Yes, Kirby is that guy, and yes his entrance music is his ringtone. Figure it out.

“What’s up, Lar-bear?” Kirby produced the device from… somewhere. “What’s good?”

He listens.

“Uh-huh.”

More listening.

“Yeah, no, I’m totally down for more signings.”

Even. More. Listening.

“Yeah, I know I left early, I had a thing. Besides, those kids were there for you, big dog, not me. I’m not exactly the likable one of this team if ya hadn’t noticed! But yeah, I’ll be there momentarily brother; I’m headed that way now!”

Kirby scurries on down the hallway.

~Time shift.

“Aw, HELL to the naw naw!”

Kirby isn’t having any of it, whatever it is.

“Why not?”

Larry, not being the type of dude who gives up easily, presses the subject, whatever it might be. He does it in the kind of good natured way that more often than not meets at least a partial success. Nobody is immune to that Lunchbox charm!

Lunchbox:
“Besides, if you want the people to like you, ya gotta get out there in front of the people and give ‘em something to like! Let ‘em get to know ya like I know ya!”

K-Jax:
“I dunno, man, we already did a standup interview with poindexter here.”

He jabs a thumb at Skippy McScoops. Skippy has been standing there the entire time, patiently waiting for the opportune moment. It’s like he’s just blended into the background until Kirby just pointed him out.

K-Jax:
“You sure we wanna go recyclin’ old material so soon?”

Larry deadpans him.

Lunchbox:
“I mean, it’s a one night tournament, there’s bound to be some repetitiveness.”

Slowly both wrestlers turn their heads and wink at the fourth wall. Skippy is oblivious to the whole thing and picks now to assert himself into the situation.

Skippy:
“I’m backstage again with Larry and Kirby, and now you fellas are 2020 Anzac Cup semi-finalists! How does that make you feel?”

K-Jax:
“That question wasn’t weird at all. Next.”

Kirby rolls his eyes, Larry answers the question.

Lunchbox:
“It feels great, Skip!”

K-Jax:
“Pfft. It feels like two more matches to go!”

Lunchbox:
“Yeah, um, that too.”

Larry pauses, Kirby crosses his arms and taps a foot impatiently.

Lunchbox:
“Dude. Bro. Kirbinator. Are you even tryin’?”

The Charismatic Dragon considers this.

K-Jax:
“Not really. Look Lar, I didn’t get to where I am by kissin’ babies, and try as I might I can’t convince myself that I need to start now. You and me, we get along just effin’ swell and the people love you, so they’ll either take me as I am, or they ain’t the kind of people I wanna represent anyway, ya dig?”

Larry nods.

Lunchbox:
“Alright then. Yeah, you’re right!”

K-Jax:
“Aren’t I usually?”

Lunchbox:
“Well, yeah, so far.”

SWAT’s premiere backstage correspondent clears his throat.

Skippy:
“Ahem.”

Well, sort of.

Skippy:
“You guys done?”

They shrug.

Skippy:
“Alrighty then, moving right along! Now, the last time we spoke you both had good things to say about your upcoming opponents, 110% Syberus and Jonnie Valentine, with that in mind have either of you seen the freshly released trailer for Valentine’s new movie?”

Kirby’s nose screws up into a lifted eyebrow.

K-Jax:
“Yeah, I saw it. The movie doesn’t have a name.”

McScoops no-sells Kirby’s incredulity.

Skippy:
“What about you, Larry, have you seen it?”

Lunchbox:
“Heck yeah I did! D’ya think he’d ever put me in one of his movies?”

Skippy:
“I, ah, am not sure? I don’t really know those guys that well-”

Kirby interrupts.

K-Jax:
“Nevermind the movie, Scoopy McNuts, if you ain’t got any relevant questions for us you wanna wrap this up? We do have a match coming up like…”

Kirby checks the time on a wristwatch that isn’t there.

K-Jax:
“Right now.”

Skippy:
“Yeah, alright, one last question then! You’ve had a little bit of time to study the Stylistics as a team over the course of last week’s main event and the first two rounds of tonight’s tournament. Do you really think you can beat them?”

Larry makes to answer but Kirby holds up a silencing hand.

K-Jax:
“Yeah, we’ve been watching. We already said that those guys are good, probably some of the best in the entire XHF. And I heard what they had to say about us, too. Good. Great! We’ve all got hard-ons for each other! Maybe after it’s all said and done we can get together and have a sword fight at the sausage festival!”

Lunchbox: [uncomfortable]
“Uh, Kirbs, I ain’t like Aunt Seamus.”

K-Jax:
“Nobody’s gay, Larry. Unless they are. It doesn’t matter, you missed the point. The point is we all respect each other, that ain’t gonna stop them from tryin’ to whip our asses, and it sure as stank on shit ain’t gonna stop us from tryin’ to whip theirs!”

Lunchbox:
“Yeah!”

K-Jax:
“So right about now, me and the big guy here are gonna go out there, let our music play, and strut our way down that aisle and win, lose, or double-by-god-disqualification, we’re gonna find out who’s gonna whip whose ass and move on to fight Linda and Radu in the Finals!”

Larry claps enthusiastically and throws a thumbs up.

Skippy:
“Fair enough! Now let’s shoot it back to ringside!”

Exeunt.

[SWAT Team]

("Old Town Maine" by Lucas Deely begins to play. Lunchbox Larry and K-JAX step out from behind the curtain. Larry is laser focused on the ring as soon as it's in sight. He raises up a fist and runs down the ramp with K-JAX following behind him. Larry brings down the arm as he nears the ring and jump slides in)

Jeremy Tucker : K-JAX and Lunchbox Larry have earned their place in the late stages of this tournament. Do you feel they can go all the way?

Andrew Fulton : No.

Jeremy Tucker : Short but sweet... thanks again… moving on…

Andrew Fulton : Oh, you want more… No, they won’t win, not because they aren’t the best backyard cross over wrestlers I have seen in a long time, not because they haven’t turned out to be a competent team, it’s just they are up against some of the cream of the SWAT roster in the Stylistics and I don’t think it’s gonna be their night.

Jeremy Tucker : Impartial as ever. Thanks Andrew…

Andrew Fulton : You asked me my opinion and I gave it… Are you on your monthlies again? Are the communists in the gazebo?

(Lunchbox Larry performs a quick push-up and pops up onto his feet. K-JAX does a sit up and snaps neatly from his back up to his feet and the crowd give them a small cheer. Larry runs to the nearest corner, jumps up the turnbuckle, and raises a fist to the crowd. He has yet to actually look at the Melbourne crowd. He jumps down, runs to the opposite corner, jumps up on the turnbuckle, and raises his fist again. Head still lowered. The fans, understanding he's weird, cheer him on regardless)

Frank Salazar: The following is a one fall contest to reach the Final of the Anzac Cup Tag Team Tournament. Featuring first, from Austin, Texas; Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 206 pounds...K-JAX!! His partner is from Portland; Maine; Standing 6 feet 4 inches tall; Weighing 287 pounds...LUNCHBOX LARRY!!!"

Jeremy Tucker : It must have felt great for the Stylistics to get a win over the Brothers in Anarchy in the last round, after they’ve been a thorn in the side of The Society for some weeks.

Andrew Fulton : It must have felt good for sure. Eddie and Trent will go away feeling good that they beat the Tag Team champs in round one and I think that the Stylistics will definitely be entering this encounter with more bumps and bruises than they would have liked at this stage in the tournament, but that’s all part of entering a big multi-match event like this.

Jeremy Tucker : With the KGB arguably having a tougher draw, or at least a skewed booking in a less than random way, do you feel talk on social media that The Society have been given an easier path holds any credence?

Andrew Fulton : Look, we all know the Bandits were given the bum steer in the brackets and hell broke loose from there for us .. i mean them, but to insinuate the Society had the easier draw, after having to go through the Eddie and Jones, that’s absurd.

Jeremy Tucker : Really?

Andrew Fulton : No. Don’t be a TikTok. Whether we like it or not, it’s most likely the Society’s night. I don’t care who wants it that way or if they somehow got a leg up at any stage. They still need to pin the men in front of them and no one has shown any signs of throwing a match. Every team tonight has wanted the prestige that comes with holding that cup and I think whoever does, is going to have earned it the hard way.

["Strength in Numbers" by the Music starts playing and after a few moments "The Society of the New Breed" flashes onto the screen to which the crowd roar. Devilishly Handsome Jonnie Valentine and 110% Syberus walk out on to the stage and stand together to a massive ovation from the crowd.]

Frank Salazar: From Manchester, England, and Palm Springs, California, weighing in at a combined 462 pounds, they are 110% SYBERUS and "Devilishly Handsome" JONNIE VALENTINE... THEEEEEEEE STTTYYYYYLISTICSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

Jeremy Tucker : We are underway folks. The teams are wasting no time choosing who is starting off… Syberus is facing off against K-JAX as the bell is rung… Collar and elbow tie up… Syberus slips loose and knees K-JAX in the ribs… drags K-JAX back to his corner and tags in Valentine… Syberus stays in the ring… Double hip toss on K-JAX but he’s back up…. into a double arm drag on K-JAX and doesn’t spring back up the second time… Larry has already had enough of the double teaming and comes storming in… Valentine and Syberus have seen him coming though… Double Back Body Drop! … Larry groans as he rolls immediately to the outside and slams his hands down on the steel steps, annoyed at being outsmarted… He heads around to his own corner shouting at the referee about the double teaming…

Andrew Fulton : Yeah but he’s bought K-JAX a vital moment to compose himself… as the referee demands that Syberus leaves K-JAX delivers a mighty chop to Valentine’s chest… Ouch, they heard that slap in the cheap seats… well we’re in Melbourne so that’s relative… The REALLY cheap seats in the rafters…

Jeremy Tucker : … K-JAX hits a big overhand chop on Valentine and Valentine is staggered… K-JAX grabs Valentine by the scruff of the neck and drags it down… Pulling piledriver! … K-JAX with the cover…

1…..

Kick-out!

Andrew Fulton : Valentine launches K-JAX off of his chest with a strong kick-out… K-JAX is up first and slaps Valentine in a side headlock as he gets up… Valentine counters by lifting K-JAX up for a side suplex… but no… K-JAX rolls off of his shoulder and lands on his feet behind him… K-JAX locks his hands around Valentine’s waist from behind and rushes him into the turnbuckles… Valentine tries to dig in his heels and put on the breaks but not before Larry reaches out with a haymaker punch as Valentine is crushed in the corner… K-JAX makes the tag and Larry is in… Valentine is spun around and propped in their corner as they both press a boot to his throat in a double team choke… The referee calls for the break… 1… 2… 3… 4… They break off the choke and Valentine drops to the mat holding his throat and coughing…

Jeremy Tucker : K-JAX leaves the ring and Larry drags Valentine up… Larry sends Valentine off the ropes… Larry with the big boot?!... But no, Valentine avoided it and hits the other ropes… Larry turns around as quickly as he can… They meet in a huge double shoulder block and both men hit the mat hard… Valentine shakes out the cobwebs and crawls towards his corner… Larry tries to stop him but too late… Valentine makes the tag…

Andrew Fulton : Syberus launches at Larry with a forearm smash and staggers him… Syberus steps in beside the big man… Russian Leg Sweep! …Larry clutches his neck as he starts to get back up… K-JAX has decided to interrupt proceedings and rush Syberus, but he’s seen him coming… Swinging Neck-breaker on K-JAX!… Larry is back on his feet and grabs for Syberus… but no, Swinging Neck-breaker on Larry!... Both K-JAX and Larry roll to the outside and catch their breath... Syberus is taunting them to get back in as they make their way back to their own corner…

Jeremy Tucker : Larry enters the ring and mouths off at Syberus… Syberus just smiles back as the men circle each other… They lock up… Larry rakes Syberus’ eyes… Syberus recoils holding his eyes… Larry takes a pace back and then erupts forward with a big boot knocking Syberus down… Larry drags Syberus up and hits a mighty Scoop Slam with ease! …Larry drags Syberus up and short clotheslines Syberus down hard… Valentine looks on concerned, clapping to try and get the crowd involved in encouraging Syberus back to his corner… Larry reaches down to drag Syberus up again… Small Package by Syberus and the referee counts…

1……

2……

Kick-out by Larry!

Andrew Fulton : Larry gets back to his feet, but Syberus has cleverly rolled back to his own corner and tagged Valentine in…

Jeremy Tucker : Larry ignores Syberus, sat on his haunches recovering, and throws a huge arching punch at Valentine as he enters, but Valentine throws up an arm to block it and replies with a snap jab of his own… Valentine Irish-whips Larry hard into his corner… Syberus is back to his feet, squinting through raked blurry eyes… Valentine whips his partner into the corner and Syberus connects with a vicious back elbow on Larry… Larry is dazed as Syberus steps out through the ropes and reaches for the tag rope… Larry is about to lash out at Syberus as Valentine races in?! … Monkey flip out of the corner! …and Larry is down holding his back in the middle of the ring…

Andrew Fulton : Valentine isn’t giving Larry a chance to catch his breath… Valentine drags Larry up, slaps him in a tight wrist-lock and drags him back to his corner and tags in Syberus… Syberus steps in and snaps a wrist-lock on Larry’s free arm… As the referee is about to tell Valentine to leave… Double Super kick!!!

Jeremy Tucker : …As Valentine leaves the ring and the referee barks at them about their double teaming… Syberus makes the cover… the referee spins round to make the count…

1……

2……

Andrew Fulton : K-JAX makes the save with a running knee strike to the face of Syberus… Syberus rolls away clutching his face… looks like he’s split his lip, but it’s not bleeding too bad for now… Syberus is a brave soldier, he’ll be OK…

Jeremy Tucker : K-JAX helps Larry back to his feet and back to his own corner, much to the frustration of the referee and shouts from Valentine in his corner… K-JAX steps out for a second and makes the tag…

Andrew Fulton : Syberus nurses his chin as he makes his way back to his corner and tags in Valentine… K-JAX shouts abuse over to his opponents and gestures for Valentine to ‘bring it’ and come out of his corner... Valentine chuckles as he tells K-JAX to come into his corner and get him if he’s got the balls… K-JAX warily edges his way over to grappling distance from Valentine and they lock up… Valentine twists and goes to lift K-JAX into a suplex, but K-JAX blocks it… K-JAX goes to counter with suplex of his own but Valentine blocks it… Valentine reaches out a hand and Syberus tags in… While Valentine and K-JAX both fight to get their suplex attempt off, Syberus scales the turnbuckles… Syberus leaps off the top rope with a sunset flip!!!! …but even with Valentine letting K-JAX go he’s still wheeling his arms trying to stay up right…. Valentine lariats K-JAX down to complete the sunset flip!!! … Syberus has the cover…

1…

2…

Larry bashes Valentine aside and dives in to make the save!

Larry leaves the ring and waits in his corner, with a ‘butter wouldn’t melt’ expression on his face, with the referee’s complaints about breaking the pin ringing in his ears…

Jeremy Tucker : Valentine stands over K-JAX and grabs both of his feet… he’s not the legal man?! Where’s the referee on this call?

Andrew Fulton : Quiet Jerry! The referee will hear you?! You’ll ruin what I think is going to be a really cool move…

Jeremy Tucker : Valentine has K-JAX in a Giant Swing! …K-JAX can do little to break free as he is spun full circle, over and over, as the referee is busy arguing with Larry… Syberus has mounted the turnbuckles again… As K-JAX is spun close to the turnbuckles Syberus drops off with a sweetly timed leg drop!!!

Andrew Fulton : The Vegematic!!! …It’s a lot like Vegemite, but it will leave a bitter aftertaste in your mouth for twice as long folks… That takes timing… and takes an uncompromising and sickening will to really hurt your opponent… Syberus with the cover… The referee is finally back with us…

1…..

2……

Jeremy Tucker : Larry dives in to make the save again.

Andrew Fulton : The referee is threatening Larry with DQ if he interrupts the pin again… Valentine has had enough… Valentine gets into a slanging match with Larry …both men towering over the referee and sticking their fingers in each other’s chests to make their point… they start to cock back the right arms with fists clenched, but the referee is squawking threats of DQ and demanding they give him space… the referee is between the two angry men as he barks at both of them to leave the ring and get back to the match…

Jeremy Tucker : A decidedly dazed and confused K-JAX staggers back to his feet and sees Valentine with his back turned… He delivers a dropkick to the knee from behind on Valentine!

Andrew Fulton : Valentine crumples under the surprise blow and clashes heads with the referee! …The referee is staying down for the time being… and so is Valentine… they’re both moving but neither man looks really with it right now… Will Larry and K-JAX capitalize?

Jeremy Tucker : Syberus assesses the danger as Larry and K-JAX begin to realize they have the advantage… Syberus quickly drags his vulnerable partner by an arm and a leg to his own corner and stands between his partner and his two opponents…

Andrew Fulton : Larry attacks Syberus with some big right hands, but Syberus ducks one, blocks one and sidesteps away… K-JAX blindsides Syberus with a brutal Pele kick to the face and Syberus falls through the ropes to the outside… K-JAX follows Syberus to the outside… drags Syberus up and runs him at speed into the ring steps… K-JAX holds Syberus in a piledriver position… Larry grabs his feet from the apron and jumps down!… SPIKE PILEDRIVER on the outside! .... K-JAX drags Syberus up and holds Syberus in a Full Nelson… Larry looks out at the crowd and clenches his fist and smiles…

Jeremy Tucker : Could we see him hit his finisher? …The Knuckle Sandwich…

Andrew Fulton : Larry swings in to hit his super punch finish… but Syberus ducks out of it… and K-JAX narrowly avoids the blow too… thankfully for him… but Larry strikes the metal ring post behind them with the full impact of his punch… Larry drops to his knees and clutches his fist in pain…I think I heard a pop even here at the commentary table… that can’t be good news…

Jeremy Tucker : Syberus goes to react and attack Larry… K-JAX steps in and grabs Syberus by the head… SNAP KRACKLE DRIVER (Snapmare Driver) …On the outside!!

Andrew Fulton : Syberus looks in a bad way as the referee and Valentine begin to get back to their feet and work out what’s going on…

Jeremy Tucker : K-JAX looks at Larry and shows concern that Larry is clearly hurt badly, but Larry just waves K-JAX to get in the ring and win the match…

Andrew Fulton : K-JAX rolls back into the ring and a groggy Jonnie Valentine makes a lunge for K-JAX that he avoids… K-JAX comes off the ropes… and leaps… Hurricanrana!? …but no… Valentine caught him, walks him a pace or two to the middle of the ring… and drops him with a Powerbomb!!! …Valentine covers

1…..

2……

Kick-out by K-JAX…

Jeremy Tucker : Valentine drags K-JAX up… Single arm spike DDT!!! …Valentine covers

1…..

2……

Kick-out by K-JAX at the last second!!!

Andrew Fulton : Valentine looks up disbelievingly at the referee, but the referee confirms it was just a 2 count… K-JAX is bleeding… What has he got left?

Jeremy Tucker : Larry is favoring his right hand, hanging limp at his side as he sees his partner taking a beating… Larry reaches under the ring apron skirt and finds a big wrench that he tests for weight in his left hand… Larry begins to ascend the steps to protect his partner, not seeming to be care that he’ll be disqualified if he uses that wrench…

Andrew Fulton : Syberus has slowly got back to his feet… sees the danger of Larry getting involved… Oh WOW! …Syberus sprinted across and drop-kicked Larry clean off of the steps and heavily into the guard rail!!! … (The crowd start a chant of “This is Awesome”) Syberus is shaking off the discomfort of his legs hitting the steps to complete the last ditch move…He sees that Larry is staying down for the moment, clutching his fist, so Syberus limps satisfied back to his corner…

Jeremy Tucker : Valentine and K-JAX are back on their feet… K-JAX throws the last of his energy into trying to belly-to-belly suplex Valentine over, but Valentine blocks it… Valentine hoists K-JAX up! …BELLY TO BELLY BRAINBUSTER!!!

1…..

2……

3!!! The referee is calling for the bell…

WINNERS by PINFALL… Jonnie Valentine – 110% Syberus – “THE STYLISTICS”!

Andrew Fulton : Well it did look like all the teamwork the Stylistics put in would be enough to secure the victory easily, but Larry and K-JAX had other plans and took it right to them.

Jeremy Tucker : Great encounter, but Syberus is bleeding, Valentine must have at least a mild concussion from that head clash impact with the referee, what shape will our finalist really be in?

Andrew Fulton : The Anzac Cup really does separate the men from the boys and this iron man event isn’t over yet. This is going to be great. But now a word from our sponsors…

[Lucky Linda]

Lucky Linda is in the Amazons dressing room, preparing for her semi final match up with the KGB. She tightens the laces of her boots and ties them up, then sits back on the wooden bench seat, looking wistful. A bubble pops up above her head and we flashback to see her thoughts.

“Can I really come to Belfast with you Gran?” asks a young Linda of her grandmother. “Ohhh, I am SO Lucky!” Young Linda does a happy dance, her gran smiling down on her with her adoring eyes.

We move to Belfast, the concrete alleyways ablaze in ruins and dust and smoke, there is a blast and rubble flies everywhere and young Linda is running for cover, her Gran spots her over the road and panic fills her and she charges toward young Linda. There is a massive explosion and Linda’s gran dives falling on top of Linda and walls cave around them and then we see Linda pushing her Gran off her, her Gran struggling to breathe. “Gran! Are you ok?” shouts young Linda.

“I am now” chokes her Gran “to see that you are.” She coughs and splutters and gasps for air.

“Please Gran” pleads young Linda. “Don’t leave me.”

“I will never leave you my angel” whispers Gran. “I will always be in your heart.”

Linda starts crying. Tears rolling down her dirt covered young face. “Gran. I love you Gran. WHERE IS MY LUCK NOW!?” she screams to the heavens.

“It is my luck this day beautiful Linda, that I was here to protect and save you, I could not have wished for more Luck.” Gran smiles again at Linda with devotion. “And now, now you will receive all of MY luck also, as I did from our ancestors, I now pass it on to you.”

Linda weeps in grief and her Gran slowly stops breathing, cradled in young Linda’s arms. A light blue glow surrounds Linda and she tingles and then it passes with her Gran. The bubble then disappears above Linda’s head and we are back in the locker room, a single tear rolls down Linda’s cheek.

“Hi SWAT. Pardon me, just feeling a little emotional.” Linda smiles shaking it off. “It is a women’s prerogative you know.”

“Three down, One to go.” Linda states. “KGB, you were a tough foe, it was a brutal match, but there can be only one winner, as there will be only one Anzac Cup winner when we meet the The Stylistics”

“What a match that shapes to be, K Jax and Larry have been most impressive since their arrival in SWAT, what a fairytale story it would haven been for them to make it to the final and even go all the way. Alas, it was not their night. They came up against a better team on the night. The Stylistics. They don’t come much better than them two.”

“Radu and I though, we come pretty close.” Linda grins humbly. “If I may say so myself. That was quite the battle we just endured with the KGB. I don’t like the hold Joanne has on Radu, it nearly cost us the match, and I am concerned it will cost him much more than a match down the line. Know this though Joanne, and all of SWAT! I will not stand for any more of your games. I will win that Amazons Championship back. I will run you out of SWAT and the rest of the KGB also if they get in my way. Iwill go on and win this prestigious tournament! And i will have a good time while doing it!”

“Sure we took a battering in that semi final, I would expect no less, the same went for the Stylistics. Jonnie, Syberus. I really do like your guys’ style. You don’t get to where you are in this business by fluke or happenstance. You two are a shining example and a beacon to the rest of the industry on what it takes to be the best. If we were to lose to you in this coming final, there would be no shame on my part. I would know we have given our best and that it wasn’t enough n the night. That is a mighty big IF though.” Linda grins. “Would you two boys be man enough to admit the same? That the better team won on the night? When Radu and I come out victorious?” Linda taps her chin. “We will find out the answer to that question REAL soon.”

Linda pulls her knee pad up and grimaces. “Maybe I should go and see the doc about that, it’s been worked over pretty badly in the previous three matches, but Frosty and Kirby have both already done that haven’t they.” Linda slaps the knee pad and no sells the pain.”Guess I will just suck it up then.”

“Stylistics! SWAT!!!” Linda stares into the camera. “Baby I’m Ready to Go! From the Rooftop Shout it out!” Linda sings the SWAT Classic theme song as we fade.