Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Jul 23, 2021 18:30:29 GMT -5
THEN
*We open as police swarm a lightly wooded area not too far off from some side street. There’s police tape up already and multiple people handling forensics. The NPW North American Double Crown Champion enters the perimeter and is immediately stopped by one of the officers*
Police: Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to wait behind the line and one of us will talk to you
LD: Um, excuse me?
*He points to the police vest he’s wearing.*
LD: Clearly I am allowed to be here.
Police: Ok, who gave you clearance?
LD: Uh….. Canadian name, Canadian name …..
Police: Sir?
LD: …Dominguez?
*The officer sighs, then yells.*
Police: HEY DOMINGUEZ! IS THIS ONE OF YOURS?
*A voice from off camera shouts back*
Dominguez: OH FOR [CENSORED] SAKES CAN’T YOU [CENSORED] DO [CENSORED] ANYTHING YOUR [CENSORED] SELF!?
*She looks at LD, LD looks at her. The officer then waves him on as he nods, which gives us a chance to move forward to the scene of the crime, conveniently out of the camera frame. Detective Teresa Beckett however is very much in the frame; she’s recording notes from the scene.*
Beckett: Dressed in what, Victorian garb? Is that a powdered wig? Multiple straight-line burns around the limbs, eyes have been- ugh- dyed- left blue, right red. Face is ghost white, looks like it’s been completely drained of blood. It appears the cause of death was a massive incendiary to the abdomen- do we have an ID on him yet?
*Her previously unnamed partner stands up from crouching over the victim*
Detective 2: I’m not sure but I’m pretty sure it’s that pedophile that got released two weeks ago. I mean that’d fit the M.O.
Beckett: Right, but the cause of death this time is strange. I can’t figure out what holiday-
LD: Hey guys, thought I’d dro- OH MY….
*Dominicus staggers back and starts dry heaving*
Detective 2: What the [censored] is he doing here?
Beckett: Jenny, why did you let this guy through!?
*She says to nobody since officer Jenny is probably busy*
LD: Give me a minute, hew, wow, ok.
*He heaves again*
LD: Thank goodness I didn’t have that Snickers in the car.
*Detective Beckett has had enough f this and gets right up in LD’s face.*
Beckett: Just what in the heck are you doing here!? This is a crime scene! And this getup? You do know that impersonating an officer is a crime, right?
LD (recovering): Ah, but see I’m not impersonating an officer. I’m impersonating a- I’m a consultant!
Beckett: For who?
LD: I’ve already forgotten his name. Anyway, now that I have my wits about me…
*Dominicus makes his way to the body again, and again flinches but finally.*
LD: Huh. Fourth of July.
Detective 2: Yeah, we know what day it is, jackass.
LD: No, this body. It’s Fourth of July themed. Red, white, blue, founding fathers, fireworks, etc.
Beckett: Fourth of…. Jim, it’s American Independence Day. This is our guy; the Holiday Horror has gotten another one.
Jim (fka: Detective 2): Son of a-
NOW
Click, click clack, clackclickclackclickclik
*We open inside the station as Lord Dominicus sits at an old typewriter clacking away. The NPW NA DC Championship is on the desk next to the typewriter and is surrounded by crumpled papers*
Jim: Hey “LD”, you writing another one of those weird conspiracy letters to the government?
LD: It’s Lord Dominicus and I don’t understand how what I’m doing is weird.
*He stops to explain.*
LD: How is it weird that I, humble- but legal- guest of this fine country should be concerned that within our borders- and the broader borders of North America reside not just one but several time-traveling aliens.
*The former Detective 2 has seemingly chilled out as he sits at his desk with his feet up throwing a ball up and down.*
Jim: Haha, wrestling, man.
*The DARK LORD of NPW slams his hands on his makeshift desk.*
LD: This is not just about wrestling! Ok, ok, so maybe Niko is this immovable object I can’t seem to put away- which I’m not even sure what that says about Eric Dane
Jim: Who?
LD: Exactly.
*He continues*
LD: And sure, ok, maybe Niko caused me to lose the NPW North American Cruiserweight Championship- thus stripping me of my Triple Crown status-
Jim: Yeah you were pretty pissed about that when you first came in here.
LD: Water under evil bridge. And ok, sure, maybe, MAYBE I am facing Niko YET AGAIN at August on the Atlantic for my NPW North American Double Crown Championship-
Jim: Do you always say the full names of those things?
LD: Respect where it is due….which is me. By respecting the title I respect myself. THE POINT IS, how is it weird or strange that I’d want the local government bodies to know that there’s a real live security issue being able to walk around and even wrestle and NOBODY is batting their eyes!?
*Inspired, he types a little more*
LD: Niko and his cohorts are literal time travelers from somewhere in space. They don’t seem to recognize our laws and worship what appears to be their god-king or whatever his official future-space-president title is. How am I the one who’s getting scrutiny?
Jim: Look, I might just be a humble police detective with years of experience under my belt, but doesn’t it seem convenient for you to try to get your opponent deported-
LD: -Or imprisoned-
Jim: -Right before your match?
*There’s a pause*
LD: It’s not right before my match; I’ve still got two weeks. Mail and bureaucracy take time. Also I don’t appreciate your implication that I, the BLACKEST OF EVILS IN ALL OF THE OVER-HEATED FROZEN NORTH, would be trying to sneak out of my match with a guy I have yet to beat after three different and all very important matches.
*Inspiration hits.*
LD: Wait, that’s right! What’s the statute of limitations on future space stabbings? I might actually have something we can take him in on!
*Jim stands up*
Jim: You are not an officer and I am going to lunch.
*He walks off as LD returns to his work and we fade out*
*We open as police swarm a lightly wooded area not too far off from some side street. There’s police tape up already and multiple people handling forensics. The NPW North American Double Crown Champion enters the perimeter and is immediately stopped by one of the officers*
Police: Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to wait behind the line and one of us will talk to you
LD: Um, excuse me?
*He points to the police vest he’s wearing.*
LD: Clearly I am allowed to be here.
Police: Ok, who gave you clearance?
LD: Uh….. Canadian name, Canadian name …..
Police: Sir?
LD: …Dominguez?
*The officer sighs, then yells.*
Police: HEY DOMINGUEZ! IS THIS ONE OF YOURS?
*A voice from off camera shouts back*
Dominguez: OH FOR [CENSORED] SAKES CAN’T YOU [CENSORED] DO [CENSORED] ANYTHING YOUR [CENSORED] SELF!?
*She looks at LD, LD looks at her. The officer then waves him on as he nods, which gives us a chance to move forward to the scene of the crime, conveniently out of the camera frame. Detective Teresa Beckett however is very much in the frame; she’s recording notes from the scene.*
Beckett: Dressed in what, Victorian garb? Is that a powdered wig? Multiple straight-line burns around the limbs, eyes have been- ugh- dyed- left blue, right red. Face is ghost white, looks like it’s been completely drained of blood. It appears the cause of death was a massive incendiary to the abdomen- do we have an ID on him yet?
*Her previously unnamed partner stands up from crouching over the victim*
Detective 2: I’m not sure but I’m pretty sure it’s that pedophile that got released two weeks ago. I mean that’d fit the M.O.
Beckett: Right, but the cause of death this time is strange. I can’t figure out what holiday-
LD: Hey guys, thought I’d dro- OH MY….
*Dominicus staggers back and starts dry heaving*
Detective 2: What the [censored] is he doing here?
Beckett: Jenny, why did you let this guy through!?
*She says to nobody since officer Jenny is probably busy*
LD: Give me a minute, hew, wow, ok.
*He heaves again*
LD: Thank goodness I didn’t have that Snickers in the car.
*Detective Beckett has had enough f this and gets right up in LD’s face.*
Beckett: Just what in the heck are you doing here!? This is a crime scene! And this getup? You do know that impersonating an officer is a crime, right?
LD (recovering): Ah, but see I’m not impersonating an officer. I’m impersonating a- I’m a consultant!
Beckett: For who?
LD: I’ve already forgotten his name. Anyway, now that I have my wits about me…
*Dominicus makes his way to the body again, and again flinches but finally.*
LD: Huh. Fourth of July.
Detective 2: Yeah, we know what day it is, jackass.
LD: No, this body. It’s Fourth of July themed. Red, white, blue, founding fathers, fireworks, etc.
Beckett: Fourth of…. Jim, it’s American Independence Day. This is our guy; the Holiday Horror has gotten another one.
Jim (fka: Detective 2): Son of a-
NOW
Click, click clack, clackclickclackclickclik
*We open inside the station as Lord Dominicus sits at an old typewriter clacking away. The NPW NA DC Championship is on the desk next to the typewriter and is surrounded by crumpled papers*
Jim: Hey “LD”, you writing another one of those weird conspiracy letters to the government?
LD: It’s Lord Dominicus and I don’t understand how what I’m doing is weird.
*He stops to explain.*
LD: How is it weird that I, humble- but legal- guest of this fine country should be concerned that within our borders- and the broader borders of North America reside not just one but several time-traveling aliens.
*The former Detective 2 has seemingly chilled out as he sits at his desk with his feet up throwing a ball up and down.*
Jim: Haha, wrestling, man.
*The DARK LORD of NPW slams his hands on his makeshift desk.*
LD: This is not just about wrestling! Ok, ok, so maybe Niko is this immovable object I can’t seem to put away- which I’m not even sure what that says about Eric Dane
Jim: Who?
LD: Exactly.
*He continues*
LD: And sure, ok, maybe Niko caused me to lose the NPW North American Cruiserweight Championship- thus stripping me of my Triple Crown status-
Jim: Yeah you were pretty pissed about that when you first came in here.
LD: Water under evil bridge. And ok, sure, maybe, MAYBE I am facing Niko YET AGAIN at August on the Atlantic for my NPW North American Double Crown Championship-
Jim: Do you always say the full names of those things?
LD: Respect where it is due….which is me. By respecting the title I respect myself. THE POINT IS, how is it weird or strange that I’d want the local government bodies to know that there’s a real live security issue being able to walk around and even wrestle and NOBODY is batting their eyes!?
*Inspired, he types a little more*
LD: Niko and his cohorts are literal time travelers from somewhere in space. They don’t seem to recognize our laws and worship what appears to be their god-king or whatever his official future-space-president title is. How am I the one who’s getting scrutiny?
Jim: Look, I might just be a humble police detective with years of experience under my belt, but doesn’t it seem convenient for you to try to get your opponent deported-
LD: -Or imprisoned-
Jim: -Right before your match?
*There’s a pause*
LD: It’s not right before my match; I’ve still got two weeks. Mail and bureaucracy take time. Also I don’t appreciate your implication that I, the BLACKEST OF EVILS IN ALL OF THE OVER-HEATED FROZEN NORTH, would be trying to sneak out of my match with a guy I have yet to beat after three different and all very important matches.
*Inspiration hits.*
LD: Wait, that’s right! What’s the statute of limitations on future space stabbings? I might actually have something we can take him in on!
*Jim stands up*
Jim: You are not an officer and I am going to lunch.
*He walks off as LD returns to his work and we fade out*
