.::The XHF Network Presents: Night of Champions 12!::.
Jul 25, 2021 18:02:46 GMT -5
Rage (aka NoMercyMaster2001), Steve Awesome, and 12 more like this
Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Jul 25, 2021 18:02:46 GMT -5
The XHF Network Proudly Presents: NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS 12:
20 Years of the XHF!
Date: July 25th, 2021
The XHF Network Arena, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Theme Song: My Name is Thunder by Jet and the Bloody Beetroots
"My Name is Thunder" by Jet and the Bloody Beetroots blasts as different iterations of the XHF/Network logo flash across the Xtreme-tron, setting the rocking stage for the show among shows, the crown jewel of the XHF Network, Night of Champions. But as the theme plays and we’re reminded of the XHF Network’s history through the logos Mongo the Destroyer, the XHF Network owner, makes his way down the ramp, climbs the steps, and, waiting for the music to die down addresses the people in attendance and at home.
Mongo: On July 9th of 2001 Hanz founded the Xtreme Hardcore Federation- a cheap knock-off of every other X-based “extreme” company on the market in the early 2000’s. And the show names, haha.
He smiles as he looks out.
Mongo: I mean, Gastro? What is that? Some sort of stomach disease?
The Network owner chuckles.
Mongo: But on the roster of the XHF was a young…er businessman trying to get a thrill out of his life. And the XHF was going to be his ticket to that thrill- until it immediately closed after a couple of shows. Well that businessman couldn’t take that- because although the Xtreme Hardcore Federation was ill-conceived, and poorly executed, there was a seed of something greater. Plus he liked the was a fan of spelling Xtreme with an x.
He winks and smiles.
Mongo: And so I bought the XHF, and terrible name and all we took it around the wrestling world. Sowing that seed from coast to coast, putting the name in people’s mouth every place my shadow touched. And slowly- well, not too slowly- we gained our traction, we gained recognition. And then at the very first Xtraction show in February of 2002, we did it. XHF vs BDDWF for the rights to the company. And in one night the XHF put its name on the map in a huge way.
Slight pause.
Mongo: We’re here tonight- and honestly have been celebrating all month- a twenty year journey from those early days- from a nothing company with a stupid name to the most dominant force in all of wrestling today.
He turns.
Mongo: Here’s the thing though. Although Xtreme Hardcore Federation seems like a name that says the same thing twice, the people here- the wrestlers, the stars, the myriad of workers in the back- they redefined Xtreme. They showed us all that it wasn’t just another word for Hardcore. It wasn’t a type of wrestling. No, Xtreme became a life style. People who took what they did, this great and mighty art of in-ring competition, and they turned it up as high as it could go- and the next time they got into the ring they’d turn it up more!
Cheers start to warm up
Mongo: Being Xtreme is approaching everything and pushing it to new heights, turning up the volume, increasing the level of yourself and those around you. And every single person whose name you remember from the XHF era or the Network era have embodied that very idea. And that is what has made the XHF Network the mighty juggernaut of sports, wrestling, and entertainment that you are watching today.
The owner paces a bit.
Mongo: I don’t think Hanz realized that his little XHF would change the foundations of this business, that it would shake wrestling to its core, and leave the world drastically changed. But here we are. A company so big it’s spread among a variety of federations offering different types of Xtreme and different thrills each week! We poured the gas on the fire and lit the pyros and have set the world on fire!
His pride beams with a mighty smile as Mongo looks out among those in attendance and the multiple cameras set up.
Mongo: To everyone. The fans, the wrestlers, the people in the back; I hope you’ve had a great ride the last twenty years! And here’s to many many more! Let’s never stop changing the world, folks. Keep it Xtreme!
The crowd rings out in cheers as Mongo turns around to point at the XHF Network logo hanging above the entrance. He makes a finger gun, and then…. BOOM the whole entranceway lights up wild a wild pyrotechnic display as the XHF Network owner makes his exit while "My Name is Thunder" blasts again and Night of Champions: 20th Anniversary Edition, gets underway.
Hawke: Good evening everyone I'm Joey Hawke here with Randy Angel and we've got one heck of a show tonight at Night of Champions as we celebrate 20 years of the XHF Network!
Angel: That's right and it looks like we're already getting underway as Bonnie is in the ring!
Bonnie Jenkins: Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS 12! The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the XHF Phoenix championship! Featuring the challenger, hailing from Akron, Ohio…he is Redmond Fury!
The melodic voices of En Vogue act as a siren's call, beckoning the audience to crowd around the aisle, before the mad lyrical flow of Salt-N-Pepa cue up the pyro. White sparks explode across the entrance curtain. Whatta Man pumps over the PA system, accompanying visuals over the tron featuring impossibly ripped muscles glistening with sweat. If it was any other wrestler, this theme song might seem conceited. Out of the back steps Redmond Fury to the delight of his fans. Moving with the tune, Fury slaps hands, signs autographs, busts moves, all while taking the time to flex for the camera.
Hawke: Redmond Fury is larger than life. Did you see him save that kid from being hit by a car just by stopping it with his hands?
Angel: Scripted.
Hawke: How do you script something like that?
Angel: How have they been doing superhero movies for years, man? Special effects!
Hawke: I suppose that could be true, but I think he did it.
Angel: We’re just going to have to agree to disagree.
Bonnie Jenkins: And his opponent, hailing from Tuscola, Illinois, he is the XHF Phoenix champion…”Guttertrash” Greg Adkins!
“Incomplete” by Sisqo begins playing as “Guttertrash” Greg Adkins comes out from the back with the Phoenix championship belt around his waist. He has a microphone in his hand and he looks like he’s singing.
Adkins: Even though it seems I have everything, I don’t want to be a lonely fool. All of the women, all of the expensive cars, all of the money don’t amount to you. So I can make believe I have everything, but I can't pretend that I don't see. That without you girl my life is incomplete. Without you girl my life is incomplete
A few of the girls in the crowd swoon, but the vast majority of them boo with the rest of the crowd. Greg tosses the microphone and makes his way down to the ring with a smile on his face as he prances. He hands off the championship belt to the ref so that it can be displayed to the crowd before being given to the timekeeper for safe keeping.
Hawke: Who exactly do you think that Greg was singing to?
Angel: Lord knows who he might have been singing to. The couple of women that actually buy into his bullcrap?
Hawke: You know that he fields both women and men, right?
Angel: I just care about his drinking habits. I’d drink with him.
XHF Phoenix Championship
Prestige Class Rules Match
"Guttertrash" Greg Adkins (c) vs Redmond Fury
As the bell sounds to begin the match, Greg Adkins spits in his hand and walks across the ring to extend it to shake Redmond’s hand.
Hawke: That’s just disgusting.
Angel: It’s sealing a pact! Though I wonder what Redmond is agreeing to?
Hawke: Hard to say. Is he going to take the hand?
Angel: I think he is!
Redmond takes the hand of Greg Adkins and begins to squeeze. Greg’s eyes bulge nearly out of his head before hitting a ripcord lariat that sends him to the mat hard enough to bounce. Greg jumps back to his feet, but a short shoulder charge brings him back down to the mat. Redmond stomps on Greg’s chest while he’s sitting up to send him back to the mat once more. Greg tries three more times to just sit up and three more times, he’s stomped back to the mat. Greg figures things out and rolls to the side to dodge a stomp and makes it back to his feet. Redmond grabs Greg by the arm and sends him to the ropes, bringing him back to the mat with a hip toss. Greg rolls through the hip toss back to his feet and hits the ropes again. He comes back with a high cross body block, but is caught in midair by Redmond and power slammed!
Hawke: Such power by Redmond! He’s batting Greg around like he’s a toy.
Angel: It’s hard to say what Greg's game plan is beyond getting his ass kicked right now.
Redmond hooks a leg while he has Greg down for the pinfall.
One
Tw-Greg kicks out.
Hawke: That might not have been the smartest thing in the world to do.
Angel: Yeah, I would have stayed down. Though this plan of action did work for Adrien when he faced Subject 42.
Redmond pulls Greg to his feet. He starts to lift Greg with both hands to go for a gorilla slam, but gets pulled down into a jawbreaker! Greg stands up, but gets his legs pulled out from underneath him. Redmond stands up, grabs Greg by the legs again, and performs a giant swing before hurling Greg across the ring where he slides on the mat into slamming his shoulder into the ring post. Greg works to untangle himself. When he does though, he’s grabbed from behind and hit with a German suplex.
Hawke: A nice German suplex from Redmond
Angel: I feel like Greg is going to take a lot of punishment from his much larger opponent
Redmond grabs Greg up into a side headlock. He goes for a running bulldog, but Greg manages to slip out of Redmond’s grasp and fall to his hands and knees while Redmond completes the motion of the running bulldog. Greg creeps up behind the seated Redmond and applies a double fish hook from behind. Redmond responds by seizing Greg by the wrists and squeezing to get Greg to release him. Greg tries to pull himself away from Redmond, but finds that he just isn’t strong enough. He headbutts the top of Redmond’s head a few times to stun the larger man and get free from his grasp. However, Greg only manages a few steps away from Redmond before he flops onto his face.
Hawke: I’m going to say that those headbutts hurt Greg more than they hurt Redmond.
Angel: That’s a pretty good guess.
Hawke: I mean so far from what we’ve seen. Redmond is just too much for Greg.
Angel: So far. I mean Greg could make a comeback?
Redmond Fury gets to his feet and walks over to the fallen Greg. He nudges the smaller man with his foot, getting no reaction. He rolls Greg over with a kick and goes for the pinfall.
One
Two
Thr-Redmond jumps up.
Hawke: Why did he break the pinfall? He had the match won!
Angel: From the placement of Greg’s hand and the smile on his face, I would say he gave a shot at touching Redmond’s prostate gland.
Hawke: Oh man.
Angel: Yeah, might not have been the best concept.
Redmond Fury gets to his feet and he looks…angry. He begins stomping Greg in the chest and face over and over again until the ref gets involved to back him away. Redmond leaves a bloody boot print on the mat. Greg lays on the mat, his leg twitching as blood pours from his nose, the side of his mouth, and a gash on the side of his eye. He slowly reaches up with one hand, sticks his fingers into his mouth, and plucks out a tooth. He looks at it and tosses it across the mat.
Hawke: This is what the perverted antics gets you. Stomped in the face.
Angel: That was a little overkill, but okay.
Redmond Fury looks down to regard the damage he has done to Greg and lifts him up. He starts with a swinging neck breaker that he shifts into a Katahajime submission choke! The Orphanizer! Greg tries to escape the hold, but then simply grinds back into it, blood spilled from his mouth and makes what he has to say a bit hard to understand until he can clearly say.
Adkins: Harder, daddy. Harder!
Redmond Fury releases the hold, allowing Greg to roll away to the floor. Redmond shakes his head before rolling out of the ring. He grabs Greg by the back of the neck and sends him face first into the ring steps, demolishing them. He walks over while the referee shouts for them to get back into the ring. Redmond picks up the top of the ring steps and looks down at the bloody Greg Adkins.
Fury: I warned you.
Hawke: He’s going to crush Greg!
Angel: You know he said he was going to maim Greg Adkins.
Hawke: I know he said it, but all wrestlers say it at one time or another.
Angel: Redmond Fury must mean it.
Redmond Fury throws the top of the stairs down, but just misses as Greg rolls out of the way, though the steps still bounce and land on top of Greg. Redmond rolls into the ring and informs the referee to begin counting. The ref looks down to the outside of the ring to see that Greg is still under the steps and begins to count.
One
Two
Three
Hawke: I wonder if Redmond remembers that a count out victory means he doesn’t get the title?
Angel: I think he remembers now.
Four
Redmond Fury slips out of the ring, grabs Greg Adkins, and rolls him into the ring before following. Greg gets up to his hands and knees, coughing up blood onto the mat and bleeding from his various head wounds. Redmond coldly picks Greg up and locks in the Orphanizer again! This time Greg rolls with it, rolling the both of them back out of the ring to where the hold is broken upon both men hitting the floor.
Hawke: Greg has enough awareness to be able to stay out of the Orphanizer.
Angel: Anyone with a lick of sense will do that.
Redmond gets up and rolls Greg back into the ring, following. He leaves Greg leaning against the ropes and runs to the opposite ropes. He returns with a slingshot knee lift, but Greg just sorta staggers out of the way so that Redmond’s knee goes through the ropes. Greg comes crashing down with a falling elbow to the side of Redmoond’s neck to take him down to the mat with his one leg hung up on the ropes. Greg exhaustedly drops to his knees by Redmond’s head. He applies a fish hook with one hand and sticks his other hand into his mouth. He draws the fingers back out quickly so that he can vomit onto Redmond’s face and into his mouth. Redmond rolls away from Greg, his leg still hung up on the rope and begins to vomit onto the mat himself. Greg stands up, wiping at his mouth and smiling as the ref screams at him for his misdeed.
Randy: Classic Greg Adkins
Hawke: Well that certainly was effective if not awful
Greg takes a deep breath, grabs the top rope, and uses them to slingshot himself over the ropes. He grabs hold of Redmond’s stuck leg and pulls on it to hyperextend the knee on his way down to the floor. Redmond manages to roll away from the ropes to free himself, though he brings up the leg so that he can grasp at his knee while still trying to retch and get the flavor of Greg’s vomit from his mouth.
Hawke: What the heck was that move?
Angel: I don’t know, but that seemed to have hurt Redmond pretty badly.
Greg Adkins rolls back into the ring as Redmond Fury gains control of his functions and stands up. Greg runs and hits a low, low drop kick that hits the side of Redmond’s hyperextended knee to bring him down to the mat. Greg stands in the middle of the ring, marshaling his strength for a moment before putting a hand into the air! The crowd, knowing what’s to happen next, begin to boo Greg in revulsion as he slides his hand down the front of his pants! He roots around in there for what sees like an eternity before dropping to his knees by the downed Redmond and applying the mandible claw with the crotch scented hand! The referee checks to see if Redmond will submit, but he refuses.
Hawke: That’s a disgusting move.
Angel: Is it more or less disgusting than the vomit?
Hawke: I don’t really know.
Angel: Maybe it’s more disgusting.
Redmond grabs hold of Greg’s wrist and begins to squeeze as he uses the arm as leverage to get up. Both men stand up, Greg’s eyes bulging from the pain that he’s going through, but both refusing to release the hold and refusing to give up. When neither Redmond or Greg will not give up, Redmond uses his grip on the mandible claw wrist to his own advantage. He shoves as much of Greg’s dirty paw into his mouth as he can until… Redmond begins to vomit again, this time all over Greg’s hand and wrist. Greg releases Redmond, who releases Greg. Greg takes a few steps back, looking bewildered that Redmond would vomit on his hand. He sniffs at his fingers and takes a little lick, causing retching sounds throughout the arena.
Adkins: Tandoori chicken! Well, I think so anyway. That might also be what I had…
Redmond Fury looks at Greg Adkins, cold hate in his eyes. He has had quite enough of Greg’s dirty shenanigans. He rushes at Greg, taking him down with a shoulder charge. He kneels down by Greg and tears away one of Greg’s sleeves and like part of the torso of the shirt to reveal a wrap where Greg had been shot by Gabriel Tuck. Redmond smiles as he does a shoulder claw, placing his thumb right in the red spot that marks the shoulder wound. Greg lets out a scream of pain, reaching for Redmond’s face with his other hand to try to break the claw. It’s when he gets his finger up Redmond’s nose that he finally gets free. Redmond just goes for the pinfall.
One
Two
Thre-Redmond jumps again as Greg makes an attempt to tickle what Redmond had to eat. Redmond jumps up to his feet and claims to the referee that he would have had the match won if not for the fact that Greg stuck a finger in his ass. The ref just holds up two fingers and shrugs.
Hawke: This is insane! Does Greg not remember what Redmond did to him the last time he did this?
Angel: I’m going to go with “no” since he just did it again. His funeral.
Redmond Fury pulls Greg Adkins up and throws him bodily across the ring to the corner where Greg falls to a sitting position. Redmond walks over, a fire in his eyes as he grabs the top rope and begins to choke the Phoenix champion out with his boot!
Fury: Pass this message for me…
Redmond grits his teeth as he grinds down with his foot. The ref tries to get in between the pair to break them up, but fails. Greg finally gets his hands on Redmond’s boot and twists in a motion that brings the bigger man down!
Adkins: Fuck you. Fuck your message.
Greg uses the ropes as he struggles to get to his feet. He uses the ropes as leverage to get both legs up to kick a rising Redmond in the jaw! He pushes Redmond back away with both feet to the chest before advancing upon him and getting him in a side headlock that he quickly converts into a headlock driver! He rolls Redmond over and goes for the pinfall.
One
T-Redmond kicks out!
Hawke: Redmond still has a lot in the tank.
Angel: He is a tank!
Greg gets to his feet and helps Redmond up. He begins to go for the pump handle reverse piledriver known as Overdose when Redmond breaks free. He hefts Greg up into the air in a gorilla press slam position. He hurls Greg across the ring where Greg rolls with the fall to get to his feet. He hits the ropes and comes back, but Redmond has already been moving to the outside apron where he hits a slingshot spear that folds Greg in half! Redmond goes for the pinfall!
One
Two
Three!
Bonnie Jenkins: Winner of the match via pinfall and NEW XHF Phoenix champion…Redmond Fury!
Hawke: All of Greg’s dirty tricks had increasingly horrible consequences.
Angel: You would have thought that Greg would have learned to not do these things, but nooo.
Hawke: Redmond Fury is celebrating with the championship belt in the ring.
Angel: Greg Adkins looks like he’s heading to the back.
Greg Adkins does roll out of the ring and starts heading toward the back, nearly covered head to toe in blood. He only manages a few staggering steps in the direction of the back before he collapses. EMTs come running out from the back with a stretcher to take care of Greg.
Hawke: Once we get the ring cleaned up from the blood and vomit, we will be ready for the rest of the show.
Angel: So much blood and vomit…
Hawke: What a way to Christen a new division. Four of the toughest Trio teams on the network have all earned their way into this match. Only one of them will have the distinction of being the first XHF Trios Champions.
Angel: A lot of eyes have been focused in on this contest, and the showmanship in the lead up to this bout stole the show.
Hawke: Now it is time for the match to live up to the hype and expectation.
The ReVenants were out first, and seemed to irk the fans with their bravado as they walked to the ring. These two have been chomping at the bit to win XHF gold, and this might be their best opportunity to do so. They ride up and down the road like a band of brothers, and some argue might have the best chance to win this contest.
Bonnie Jenkins: Entering the ring at this time, Neo James Carner, Rob Garcia and Keith Williams. They are THE REVENANTS!
Angel: The ReVenants have been completely reviatalized since coming to NPW
Hawke: Yeah, maybe all of their blunderbuss about AWF was right
Angel: Hey now, they're closed, none of that!
Out next were the KGB. The fans didn't have to stop booing as the KGB fit rather snugly into the same narrative as the Revs. This group rules with an iron first, and has been at the top of the game for decades. The infusion of newcomer; Donzig into their fold was a huge victory for the group. Make no mistake about it, The KGB have their sights set on The Bastards and the rest of the 'GSP'. When they entered the ring, they made eye contact with the Revs, as has been the case - these two groups have operated in their own ways without ever having a real reason to test one and other. That was before Donzig seemingly targeted Keith Williams at a recent SWAT event. Donzig was a key cog in the Rev's journey at Call to Arms, and if he were to align anywhere, one would've thought he might've joined the Rev and not the KGB. Williams stared a hole through Donzig, and pointed at him, ensuring he knew that a receipt was coming his way. NJC and Soutter sized each other up, while Garcia calmly watched 'AVK' to see if things would escalate prior to the bell.
Bonnie Jenkins: Up next, Donzig, Armand von Krauss and Paul Soutter. They are THE KROSS GLOBAL BANDITS, THE K-G-B!
Angel: I am literally afraid of Donzig
Hawke: Armand seems to be the one unconcerned with killing people
Angel: Fair, but I bet his bartender mixes some stiff drinks
Team Fairtex and Psychotic Goth were out next. The fans seemed to adore Goth, as his no nonsense approach to our sport has earned him a section of die hard fans. The twin Fairtex boys are dangerous and have a history of wrestling both the Revs and the KGB as of late. Some left over tension was surely brewing, and would sizzle to a boiling point in this contest.
Bonnie Jenkins: Coming out now, Psychotic Goth and Team Fairtex!
Hawke: I don't think I've ever seen team Fairtex as focused as they have been coming into this match
Angel: And Goth has....well I guess Goth's gotta Goth but that's still quite intimidating
Hawke: And educational
The Bastards were the final team to exit through the curtain. The fans were behind them, and with good reason. It's been made fairly clear that Rob Riot, Frank Windsor and Billy Fowler aren't afraid of anyone, and they're certainly not going to take a step back to the KGB, or the Revs for that matter. The Bastards soiled the KGB swerve/blindside at NPW Shockwave a few weeks back, and that deed seems to be festering in Paul Soutter's world. Some heated words have been exchanged amongst the groups, and what better way to settle the score than to fight it out inside of the ring.
Bonnie Jenkins: And last, but certainly not least. Billy Fowler, Rob Riot and Frank Windsor. The BASTARDS!
Hawke: There's been a lot of complaints from the other teams that the Bastards didn't earn their way into the match
Angel: People said the same when I got this job
Hawke: People weren't wrong about that
This match was unique in the sense that only two men would be in the ring at once. Whenever someone wanted to tag out, they could do so and it didn't necessarily have to be an exchange between teammates. You can't lose if you're not in the match, so the cowardly desire to remain on the outside might help one sneak their way further into the match where the odds were greater of winning the championships. In order to be fair, the ref assigned Heads to KGB and the Revs and Tails to Team Fairtex/Goth and The Bastards.
Ref: TAILS!
Now we knew which teams would start the match. It would be Tong Fairtex and Billy Fowler getting this underway.
XHF Trios Championship
Finals (4-Way Elimination Match)
The Revenants (Neo James Carner, Keith Williams and Rob Garcia) vs Team Fairtex and Psychotic Goth vs the KGB (Donzig, Armand von Krauss, and "Mad Dog" Paul Soutter) vs the Bastards (Billy Fowler, Frank Windsor, and Rob Riot)
Hawke: Looks like we've settled in here.
Angel: We sure have I'm at least half way through my 12 box, so my pace is right along with the show..
Hawke: I meant this exciting Trios Match!
Fowler and Tong wasted little time trying to one up the other. Tong tried to use his speed to keep the bigger man on his toes. It was effective initially, but Fowler was able to catch Tong in the middle of a moonsault and drive him to the mat with a running power slam! A pinfall followed, because that's the name of the game - but it was too early to secure the win. Fowler whipped Tong into the ropes and hammered him with a big boot! A tag to Riot was next, the catch wrestling savant has a worldly reputation and the skills to back it up. Riot decided to stretch Tong while he was on the canvas by executing a neck crank from behind. Phantom couldn't resist the urge to help out, so he catapulted himself from the apron and hit Riot with a missile drop kick from behind!
WHACK!
The referral admonished the twins for not making a tag, and then started the five count. Frank Windsor entered the ring and clobbered both twins with stereo clotheslines. Goth jumped into the ring, and speared Windsor! Fowler entered and choke slammed Goth!
Fans: RAAAHHHH
The fans were already alive, as we expected, the referee was going to have his hands full as teams would look to take full advantage of the five count. The KGB and The Revs all stayed on the outside of the ring, hoping this one upsmanship inside of the ring would play into their hands as the match progressed. Finally Riot and Tong were back in the ring as the legal participants, at which point Rob ducked a swing from Tong and connected with a Superkick! Riot walked over to the KGB corner and smacked the hand of Armand Von Krauss! The fans reacted, as these two men definitely can't stand one and other.
Hawke: Riot and Armand have a long bitter history.
Angel: Yeah, that slap was a little more than a tag if you ask me.
Hawke: That's the spirit of the bout. Anything can happen here.
Angel: There is no surprise here with me. It's time to break out the funnel!
Hawke: Oh Stop.
Armand went after Tong, but he rolled out of the way, leapt up and slapped the hand of Neo James Carner.
Fans: OHHHHHH!
Revs vs. KGB, and it was about to go down. 'NJC' took the fight to Armand, and backed him up into Rev territory. NJC gave a clean break, but Keith Williams clobbered Armand from behind, which made him turn his attention away from the ring. NJC ran forward with drove his knee into the back of Armand! Quick tag to Williams, and a double body slam followed. A tag to Garcia and a double irish whip, before Williams and Garcia executed double shoulder blocks. Armand was on the mat, counting the lights early on. Garcia mounted Armand and laced him with some ground and pound. Donzig tried to intervene, but Williams saw him coming and executed a diving clothesline that sent Donzig through the ropes and onto the outside. Mad Dog stayed in the corner, but you could see him steaming. Garcia waved him on, but Soutter declined. Instead he checked on Donzig and encouraged him to keep doing his thing.
Hawke: We've been seeing some great teamwork this match
Garcia shoved Armand a little too hard, and he stumbled into Bastard territory, where he tagged Frank Windsor into the match. Windsor and Garcia are no strangers to one and other after their recent tag team match that was ruined by NJC posing as a ringside camera man. The Revs will essentially do whatever it takes to earn an unfair advantage at the behest of their opponents. Garcia rushed forward, but the large but spry Windsor side stepped it and caught him with a sidewalk slam!! Windsor hit the ropes and did his best to get off the ground with a leg drop, brother!
Hawke: Frank Windsor sure gained a lot of weight during COVID! I've heard of the COVID 20, but this is more like the COVID 200.
Angel: So cool. I wish I could just lay around and drink all day and gain weight.
Hawke: Isn't that what you're known for?
Angel: I suppose you're right.
Hawke: Rumour has it that Gus Arnold is encouraging Windsor to drop the weight in time for the Cruiserweight Cup in January.
Windsor looked pleased, and held for a cover but he only got a two count!
TWO!
Windsor tagged Fowler, and the two executed a double powerbomb!!
1..
2..
NO!
Angel: Garcia kicked out!
Fowler asked the ref is it was three or not. Garcia looked out of it, and fighting on instinct. Not the best place to be where you have nine other people who are all capitalizing on your weaknesses. Williams and NJC were on the apron imploring Garcia to keep fighting. Fowler took his eyes off of Garcia and flexed for the other Revs. Garcia from behind with the chop block to Fowler's left knee. Garcia reached up and was able to tag Keith Williams into the match. Williams was fists of fury on Fowler, enough to stun the big man before kicking him in the gut and driving him down with a DDT. Instead of making the cover, Williams ran over and tagged Donzig! WOOOWWWW! Williams flipped Donzig the bird, and walked away. Donzig perched himself on the top rope and jumped off with a diving clothesline on Fowler. A pin attempt followed
1
2
NO!
Donzig grabbed Fowler's ankle, turned him over and locked him up in an ankle lock! Fowler was in pain, and was able to grab the rope to force a break. Donzig walked past Goth's corner, and Goth tagged himself into the match! What? What? Why? Goth had seen enough, and all of this chaos has spurned him on. Goth went after Donzig, bouncing him around the ring. He then turned his attention to Fowler, who was backing up and made the tag to Riot, but that didn't stop Goth from trying to take on the whole world. His energy boost caught everyone off guard, and the had the fans rocking. Some war cries were heard, as Goth looked like a man possessed. After making himself the legal man and disposing of two of his opponents, he was trying to do the same to Rob Riot. What he learned was, Riot was up to the challenge and wasn't going to take a step backwards. Riot and Goth went toe to toe, and the fans loved it.
WHAM!
WHAM!
WHAM!!
WHAM!
WHAM!!
Angel: Those two aren't hitting half as hard as the hookers I see down the block from my favourite pub on a Friday night.
Hawke: Not appropriate for TV.
Riot then caught Goth with a capture suplex and took him ass over tea kettle to the mat hard!
1..
2..
NO!
Hawke: Strong kickout from Goth!
Riot thought he had him there. A tag back into Fowler, and the duo executed a 'hart attack' double team move with riot delivering the clothesline and Fowler a stout spine buster!
1..
2..
NO!
Once again, Goth was able to kick out. Goth showed immense toughness and he really turned the match around with his desire to stir things up and no longer wait for the match to come to him. After two nearfalls, he was looking rough, but not out of it. Goth refused to stay down as Fowler clubbed away with big shots. Tag to Windsor, and as the Bastards looked to execute another double team move, Goth slipped out the back door, and tagged Tong Fairtex, but it was as if he tagged both twins because Phatom joined the party as well. The Fairtex Twins slingshot themselves from apron and executed diving forearm smashes! The impact staggered both big men, and the referee got in the middle forcing Windsor and Tong to stay in the match. Tong started to load up with heavy shots, but Windsor wasn't having it! Windsor just calmly threw his head into Tong's face! He made it look accidental, but there appeared to be some intent there. As Tong held his face, Windsor tagged in 'NJC'. Tong was stunned and NJC knew just what to do.
Angel: SYMPHO-KNEE!
1..
2..
3!
Bonnie Jenkins: Psychotic Goth and Team Fairtex have been eliminated.
Hawke: Then there were 3
Angel: (Belch) Five left over here.
Hawke: Pay attention. Were down to The Revs, KGB and the Bastards. One of these teams will be the first XHF Trios Champions!
Rob Riot entered the ring, and pointed at NJC. The man who spoiled his debut a couple of weeks ago in Northern Pro Wrestling. Riot lunged forward, and the fight was on. NJC didn't back down, but he was overwhelmed by Riot's fury. NJC backed into his corner, where Williams took his right arm and held it under Riot's neck, so the Trios could take turns getting their licks in. NJC made the tag to Garcia, and by this point Riot was on the mat after absorbing unprotected shots from the Revs. Garcia hit the ropes and blasted Riot as he tried to get to his feet with a nasty knee lift.
WHACK!!
Garcia went for the cover...SMALL PACKAGE!
1..
2..
3!
Angel: WOW!
Garcia looks shocked, he didn't see it coming. As he was about to cover Riot, the savvy vet reached up and folded him over with a small package.
Bonnie Jenkins: The ReVenants have been Eliminated!
Hawke: Wow, what a play there by Rob Riot. The dreaded small package strikes again.
Angel: Speak for yourself, no small package I've ever heard of is dreaded or does any striking. That's what she said!
Hawke: I think you're doing it wrong.
Angel: Who cares! Were down to two teams now.
Hawke: Do you mean you're actually paying attention?
Paul Soutter walked into the ring, and suddenly the game changed. The mood was altered, and business picked up. Mad Dog has a full tank of gas, and pointed right at Rob Riot, who seems to be calling a lot of the shots for the Bastards and the 'GSP' as a whole. It's no secret that the KGB didn't take very kindly to The GSP inserting themselves into KGB business. Mad Dog called them on, and it would be Riot was accepted, although he had taken his share of shots so far in the match, his refusal to backdown brought the crowd to their feet. Windsor leaned over and offered encouragement. Donzig paced the apron, as Armand looked relaxed. Fowler was stomping on the apron to get the crowd excited.
Hawke: LOCK UP!
Mad Dog uses his energy and size advantage to muscle Riot into a neural corner where he started to tee off on him with chops that dropped Riot down to one knee. Soutter lunched Riot into KGB territory, and tagged Donzig. The wild man mocked Goth with a war cry, before executing a nasty reverse neck breaker! Tag to Armand and it was clear the KGB were going to make frequent tags with the mind to weaken Riot and the Bastards. Armand executed a double arm DDT!
1..
2..
NO!
Riot kicks out with force. Riot reaches towards his corner, but Armand stomps away to cut him off. Tag back into Donzig, and he's perched on the top, comes off with a double axe handle! Riot once again falls to the mat in a lump. Donzig tags Soutter, Double body slam. Soutter his the mat and goings his forearm across the bridge of Riot's nose. The referee counts for a break, and Soutter gives it at the last possible instant. Soutter tags Donzig..irhs whip, dropkick!
1..
2..
NO!
CLAP CLAP CLAP!
Fans: Lets go Riot!
CLAP CLAP CLAP!
Fans: LET'S GO RIOT!
Donzig tries to shush the crowd in a strange move before all it does is get them to chant louder. Donzig grows frustrated and rakes Riot's eyes. The ref isn't having it, and backs Donzig up, forcing him to swear he won't break the rules or else the ref says he's going to call the match. Mad Dog shouts, and Donzig tags him in.
Hawke: SMALL PACKAGE!!
Angel: AGAIN?!?1..
2..
NO!
Soutter powers out. Riot nearly had his next victim. Soutter stomps then leaps to drive an elbow home, but Riot moves!
SLAM!
Riot crawling,
Hawke: TAG!
Here comes Windsor. House of Fire. Let's Right, Irish whip - Big Backdrop! Armand comes in, EXPLODER!!! Donzig leaps, he's caught, POP UP POWERBOMB!! Frank Windsor has cleaned house. He's back to Soutter now, German Suplex hold!
1..
2..
thNO!!!
Angel: SOUTTER KICKS OUT!
The fans gasp, as they thought that was it. Windsor turns to Armand, BRAINBUSTER!!!!! Donzig rakes Windsor's eyes.... Which brings Fowler in. YAKUZA KICK, Donzig goes flying across the ring. Riot is up, he goes after Armand and the two begin to brawl. Windsor and Fowler back Soutter into their corner and exchange a tag. Stereo Big Boots from Fowler and Windsor on Soutter. Soutter stumbles out of the corner and eats a lariat from Fowler! Donzig is back, can't keep him down! Donzig executes a bulldog from behind. He drives Fowler down to the mat, and slides out of the ring undetected. Windsor is jawing with the ref to get him to turn around. Armand and Riot are brawling on the outside of the ring. Donzig comes around to Bastards' territory and is trying to start a fight with Windsor. Fowler and Soutter back to their feet. Kick to the gut from Soutter... Can he? He gets the big man up!
Hawke: SOUTTER SPECIAL!!
Windsor tries to enter the ring, but Donzig is holding his leg for dear life.
1..
2..
3!!!
We've got our first-ever Trios Champs!
Bonnie Jenkins: The winners of this match and the NEW XHF Trios Champions - Donzig, Armand von Krauss and Paul Soutter, THE K-G-B!
Hawke: Wow, The KGB were able to divide and conquer here and Soutter finished the job with a Soutter Special!
Angel: It was as if they had a strategy when it was down to two teams and they executed it.
Hawke: ....
Angel: What? The deeper I am, the better I am.
The referee walks over to the time keepers table to hands The XHF Trios Championships to the KGB. Riot and Windsor check on Fowler as both men look like they've been robbed, and their body language is that of disdain. It's clear the rivalry between the KGB and the Bastards is just getting started, and the Trios Championships certainly make for a prestigious prize to compete for.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following mach is a EUROPEAN BRAWL and is operated under elimination rules! Making his way to the ring first, he is the European Champion. Hailing from Limerick, Ireland........he is "DEATHLESS" TOMMY KELLY!
As the opening chords of Rage Against the Machine's "Born of a Broken Man" hits the speakers, the fans cheer for the fan favorite as he makes his way to the stage. The arena lights dim down as the music plays, changing quickly to a spotlight on stage revealing Tommy Kelly with his back to the ramp and arms outstretched. He spins around and cheers back to the fans, very alive and hyped up. Making his way down the ramp he tags and high-fives fans along the way, breaking into a run to slide into the ring at the end. He keeps moving and mounts the far turnbuckle, again posing for the fans with his arms outstretched. He hops down to the mat and hands of the XHF European Championship to the timekeeper.
Hawke: I feel like I've heard that "Deathless" moniker before...
Angel: Well he's gonna need it tonight. Never forget that Pepe stabbed Adam Sanders in not just one but two matches!
Hawke: But Pepe isn't in the match, Zoran is
Angel: So you're saying he's going to bring a gun then?
Hawke: I sure hope not
Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing next, hailing from Scarborough, Ontario, Canada, weighing in at 223 lbs, he is the owner of the Fullmetal Wrestling Alliance... "The REAL King Of The Juniors" SOLOMON!!! GRAAAHAM!!!!"
Skeleton Key”by Calisus plays over the PA system and we hear these words open the song...
"In another life, another place... there was a shadow without a face.
I could see... the survivors, were few...
Memories to which I cling, things I do and songs I sing...
They all... bring me back, to you..."
I could see... the survivors, were few...
Memories to which I cling, things I do and songs I sing...
They all... bring me back, to you..."
Then, after the first verse ends and we hit the chorus, out from the curtain comes Solomon Graham, to a chorus of boos raining down on him from the capacity crowd. We see that Solomon has a roll of white hockey tape in his left hand. He puts his hands on his hips before sighing and shaking his head at the booing. He then proceeds to take a strip of tape from the roll and wrap his right wrist up in tape. After wrapping it in about five layers of tape, he then turns it diagonally and proceeds to also wrap his knuckles in tape as well, all the while slowly and methodically walking towards the ring. He then bites the tape in two, wrapping the strip still connected to the roll back on and wrapping the strip attached to him around the knuckle, before driving his right hand directly into his open left hand and walking to the ring, on the way stopping to taunt the fans and give them shit. He climbs the ring apron and wipes his feet on the mat. He then steps into the ring, gets into his corner and waits for his opponent.
Hawke: I think Solomon's promo leading up to this match opened him up to a lot of people who hadn't previously seen his body of work
Angel: If they haven't then they haven't been watching FWA, which is where my little brother had been rocking the house until real recently!
Bonnie Jenkins: Coming out next, he calls himself "The King," "The Best Bout Machine," and "The Invincible"........coming all the way here from Wexford Town, Ireland he is the one, the only.....JASON LONG!
The speakers let out the beginning synth beats of "Kingslayer" by Bring Me The Horizon and BABYMETAL erupts through the PA System as the lights shine a purple hue around the arena, the fans within the arena rain down with cheers with the lights shining down now with a purple hue and the one singular white spotlight continuing to shine down onto the entrance curtain. Soon, the entrance curtain pulls back, and out steps Jason Long- a smile on his face as he soaks in that crowd reaction. Jason looks out to the crowd, keeping that smile on his face as he stands at the top of the ramp with his arms stretched out wide, soaking in all of the cheers that rain down onto him. Flames shoot up each side of The King as raises his leg and slam his foot down to the metal floor, setting off the large explosion of pyrotechnics behind him and allowing the crowd to enjoy the view. Jason makes his way down the ramp, hitting the hands of every fan that reach out to him, as he looks into the ring and sees his opponent- a smile growing on his face as he touches down at ringside and circles around the ring, sliding across the ring apron on his right knee before turning his body and looking out to the crowd. Jason stands up on the ring apron, leaning back against the ropes and keeping his right arm along the top rope as he points out to the crowd and hastily makes his way into the ring and into the closest corner to him where he leaps onto the second rope.
"Kingslayer
Destroying castles in the sky
Kingslayer
Forevermore the apple of my eye
I'd sacrifice my life to find you
Angel of the flame
Kingslayer
Come and collect us from the night"
Destroying castles in the sky
Kingslayer
Forevermore the apple of my eye
I'd sacrifice my life to find you
Angel of the flame
Kingslayer
Come and collect us from the night"
Jason places his left foot on the top rope as he stretches his arms out once again, letting out a loud "YEAH!" to the crowd as he brings his arms down and slips out of his black leather jacket, throwing it down to the ringside crew and climbing up to the top rope before doing a backflip down to the mat where he nails the perfect landing. Jason turns to face his opponent and then backs himself into the corner, waiting for the bell to ring.
Angel: Jason has been up and down the roads here in the XHF Network. If there's anyone in this match who can go the distance, it's him
Hawke: He started off real rough but the young man has made quite the name for himself over the years
Bonnie Jenkins: Out next is the The Glasgow Bull........hailing from Glasgow, Scotland..........WELLINGTON DUNNE!
"Seal the Deal" by Volbeat hits and Wellington Dunne comes out to stage, holds his arms out, and flexes showing off his physique, before heading down to the ring. He rolls in and sees his competition, who've all looked down on him during this promo cycle- but rather than letting them get him down he flexes again!
Hawke: It'll be interesting to see how Dunne does when up against a pack of mostly violent people
Angel: He's a tough guy, and I'm sure he's got a few tricks up his sleeves. He's probably got Sniper up in the rafters in case Zoran pulls out a gat
Bonnie Jenkins: For our next competitor I have been instructed to note that he is of legal age and we're not letting a child wrestle.....
Angel: Haha, gottem!
Hawke: That is really unprof-
Bonnie Jenkins: Coming to us from Bristol, England........he is RILEY RICHARDS!
"それっ！ それっ！ それっ！それそれそれそれっ！
それっ！ それっ！ それっ！それそれそれそれっ！"
それっ！ それっ！ それっ！それそれそれそれっ！"
Babymetal's "Megitsune" hits the P.A System, and Riley Richards strides out on stage, arms out wide, smile beaming. He spins around 360 degrees so the camera can catch a glimpse of the "Richards" printed on the back of his hoodie. He glances over his shoulder to see Rob Arnold slowly walk out and stand to the right of him. He waits obediently as Rob surveys the scene, before tapping him on the shoulder which prompts Richards to head down the ramp, Arnold slowly following. Richards trots to the ring, clearly wanting to engage with the fans in attendance but aware that would lead to him being reprimanded. He flashes a smile at a number of fans, pointing to a couple in appreciation when he knows Arnold isn't looking, before approaching the ring steps, skipping up and vaults over the top rope. Richards heads to the center of the ring and raises his arms aloft, prompting cheers from those in attendance. Arnold keeps his distance, stalking the ringside area as he waits for the match to begin.
Hawke: Speaking of more pure wrestlers
Angel: Yeah, I wonder if Riley even noticed the stipulation before signing on. I mean I respect the kid's tenacity, but folks are gonna get hurt tonight
Hawke: I don' know, training with Rob Arnold probably has some inherent danger as well!
Bonnie Jenkins: And lastly, from Belgrade, Serbia.....he has been called the "Final Boss" and "Nino Huracan"- but you know him as the one and only, ZORAN SAINOVIC!
The Heavy's "Big Bad Wolf" blasts over the PA system. Shoving through the back curtains is everyone's favorite teenage Hispanic babyface, who is actually an elderly Eastern European monster in sheep's clothing. The reaction for Zoran Sainovic is about what you'd expect, given how many people in attendance were glad he died. As the crowd pelts him with garbage, The Final Boss moves down the aisle in sync with the tunes. Beer splashes his Armani suit, but Sainovic doesn't care. He has money to burn. The swagger is very real.
"Cos I'm The Big Bad Wolf
(What You Say)
I'm The Big Bad Wolf
(What You Say)
I'm The Big Bad Wolf
And I'm Blowing Down Your Neighborhood"
(What You Say)
I'm The Big Bad Wolf
(What You Say)
I'm The Big Bad Wolf
And I'm Blowing Down Your Neighborhood"
Entering the ring, Sainovic is immediately patted down by the referee, searching for an arsenal of weapons. Zoran takes this opportunity to plant weapons on the referee, while turning to the closest camera with a sadistic grin.
Hawke: Is that Zoran in a Pepe costume in a Zoran costume?
Angel: It's Zorans all the way down
Hawke: Why is he still wearing the nose?
XHF European Championship
European Brawl (Elimination Match w/Weapons Allowed)
"Deathless" Tommy Kelly (c) vs Solomon Graham vs. Jason Long vs. Wellington Dunne vs. Riley Richards vs. Zoran "Pepe Morales" Sainovic
DING DING DING!
The bell rings and all five competitors eyeball each other. Everyone is sizing each other up, trying to decide who will make the first move. Finally, Wellington Dunne has had enough of the wait and he's the first one to charge. He darts across the ring at Jason Long, who quickly slides past him and under the bottom rope to the floor. Solomon Graham rushes towards Riley Richards and clubs him in the face. Sensing things have broken loose, Zoran Sainovic approaches the current champion with a respectful bow of the head, which Tommy Kelly meets with a kick to the chest, keeling Zoran over.
Hawke: The Champ didn't have time for Zoran's games!
Angel: Five people is gonna be a lot to keep track of. I think I need to grab another drink.
Hawke: Are you walking away during the-- of course you are.
Jason watches the competition from the outside of the ring. Graham meets Richards with a few more clubs to the skull, softening him up against the ropes. Meanwhile, Stormcrow has done the same thing, following up his mean kick with a few elbows to the back of Zoran's head. Stormcrow presses Zoran against the ropes before whipping him across the ring, almost exactly in tandem with Graham slinging Riley across the ring at the same time. Riley and Zoran almost graze each other in passing, then hit the ropes to rebound. Graham goes to grab Richards, but Riley jumps up and gets his legs around the neck of Solomon Graham, taking him down with a hurricanrana! Zoran keeps on running and ducks past Kelly on the rebound, hitting the ropes a second time and then firing off a snap dropkick! Tommy Kelly tumbles down to his back and is knocked out of the ring!
Hawke: Lots of action spilling out all over the place right now!
Angel: Don't worry, I'm back. I grabbed TWO drinks so I won't have to leave again.
Hawke: You're a modern day Nostradamus, Randy.
Jason Long hops up onto the apron, but Riley Richards is quick to stutter step towards him and clock him in the jaw, knocking him back down to the ringside area. Riley keeps his eyes trained on Long for a bit too long, and Zoran quickly runs up behind Richards and rolls him up from behind! The ref counts...
ONE!
KICKOUT!
Hawke: Not even close!
Angel: He was hoping for the element of surprise working in his favor.
Riley springs up to his feet and holds his hands out to his side, as if to ask Zoran... "Really?" Zoran shrugs at Riley, which spurs Richards on to charge him. Zoran nimbly dodges out of the way and Riley instead runs face-first into Jason Long, back on his feet and in the ring, brandishing a shiny new baseball bat. Riley Richards can't slow himself down, and Maverick quickly winds up and...
CLANGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
SWING! IT HITS! Richards hits the mat, knocked the fuck out. Long takes a few steps forward and Zoran Sainovic turns into another--
CLANGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
Zoran drops like a sack of bricks, rolling out of the ring.
Angel: I have a migraine just WATCHING that!
Long doesn't have time to rest, though, as Graham scrambles up to face him. Jason swings wide -- and Graham ducks it! Graham thinks he's got the upper hand, but Jason quickly pivots and jabs the end of the bat into Graham's stomach. Graham keels over and Jason quickly brings the end of the bat up, uppercutting Solomon Graham with the end of the bat! Graham slumps over.
Hawke: At this rate, there may not be much left!
Wellington Dunne rushes Maverick from behind. He dives -- and Maverick thinks fast, dropping low and pulling down on the ropes with the bat. Dunne goes flying over the top of the ropes, but catches himself on the outside apron. Dunne wobbles a bit, catching his balance. Long winds up and gets ready to crack Dunne in the dome with the bat, but Dunne manages to duck it! He grabs hold of Jason's head and drops off the apron, guillotining Jason across the top rope! Jason and his trusty baseball bat go flying.
Hawke: Jason Long just got the wind knocked outta him!
Angel: It's pure ch-- hey, what're you doing?
The cameras cut over where Randy Angel is in a current tug of war with Tommy Kelly over one of the drinks sitting on the announcer's desk. Angel pulls on it hard, but Kelly doesn't let go. The brown liquid inside sloshes around, spilling all over the desk. Dunne sees the commotion and takes advantage of it, rushing towards Crow from behind. Angel sees the danger incoming and releases the glass to Stormcrow, who peers into the glass and quickly chugs the remaining whisky in the glass before turning and SMASHING the glass all over the forehead of Wellington Dunne! Dunne screams out in pain as shards of glass dig deep into his skin and he begins to drip blood.
Hawke: Oh my GOODNESS, that is brutal!
Angel: At least I still have another--
Before he can even finish his sentence, Kelly marches over and snatches up the other glass sitting on the desk, chugging it all down in one gulp. Randy Angel holds up his hands, completely infuriated.
Angel: Can he just DO this!?
Hawke: I guess he can, Randy.
Angel: Two perfectly good drinks, just gone like that.
Hawke just sighs into the microphone as Kelly runs and rolls in the ring. He sees Jason Long shaking out the cobwebs and making it to his feet, and he sees Riley Richards standing -- coming straight for him! Riley springboards off the ropes for an extra boost and TOMMY KELLY UNLEASHES A SPRAY OF WHISKEY MIST DIRECTLY INTO THE OPEN EYES OF RILEY RICHARDS!! Riley hits the mat, yelling, trying to wipe away the liquid from his eyes.
Hawke: THE STORMCROW JUST HIT RILEY RICHARDS WITH THE IRISH KISS!!
Angel: He's not even old enough to drink, Joey!! This is such a waste of a drink!
Riley Richards coughs and sputters a bit on the mat. Stormcrow stalks over him with a smirk on his face then walks to the corner, slowly climbing up to the top rope.
Hawke: I think we're about to see the Nevermore... could be an early end for Riley Richards!!
Richards is completely blind to the danger looming over him. Kelly gets to the top rope and pauses, only briefly -- AND GETS LOW BLOWED FROM BEHIND WITH A FUCKING BRICK! Solomon Graham is grinning ear to ear as Kelly clutches at his jewels and topples off the top rope, crashing to the mat below.
Hawke: GRAHAM CRAKKER!
Angel: Where'd he even get a brick!?
Hawke: I could feel that one from here!
Angel: We really need to talk about our ring crew, leaving bricks around everywhere...
Graham climbs up from the outside apron to the top of the turnbuckle and then leaps up with an elbow drop right onto the skull of Tommy Kelly, adding insult to injury! Graham covers.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: "Deathless" Tommy Kelly has been eliminated!
The crowd lets out shrieks of excitement as the current champion is eliminated from the match.
Hawke: Well, we officially will be walking out of here with a new European Champion!!
Angel: Exciting! But excuse me, I'm owed a new drink or two...
The referees check on Kelly and escorts him from the ring, leaving five competitors. Riley Richards has managed to get his eyes open, though they're red and weeping. He slides out of the ring to try and regain more of his sight. Solomon Graham stands and raises his arms in the air, victorious and proud of having defeated the Champion. Zoran Sainovic is the one to rise to his feet and size up Graham. Sainovic sees Graham running at him and carries him over with an armdrag. Graham hits the canvas and skids back up to his feet, turning and rushing Sainovic again. Sainovic once again carries him over with another armdrag. Again, Graham skids to his feet and bounces back towards Sainovic . Sainovic tries to take him down again with another armdrag but Graham stops short and pump fakes! Sainovic falls for it and hits the mat too early. He springs back to his feet, only for Graham to leap into the air and smack Zoran with a dropkick!!
Hawke: Solomon Graham is on a roll!
Graham is back up to his feet quickly and dives over top of Sainovic , quickly getting him into a rear chinlock to hold him in place. Sainovic squirms against the pressure, his neck being wrenched to the side quite painfully. Zoran flails his arms around and can't seem to quite get free. He slaps back at Solomon Graham, who is showing no signs of letting go. That's when Graham reaches into his boot and produces something nobody can quite see. He once again flails, swinging at Graham behind him. Graham lets out a scream of pain and stands up, staring down at his arm where a fucking razor blade is STICKING OUT OF IT.
Hawke: Oh no, that's brutal!
Angel: Okay. Three drinks this time. Nobody's gonna ruin my day.
Solomon Graham reaches down and plucks the blade from his arm as blood begins to spurt from it, almost in a comedic fashion. He grabs onto his wrist and slides out of the ring, roaming by ringside to look for some kind of help. The crowd hurls jeers against Zoran Sainovic , who simply shrugs at them. The jeers turn to some kind of weird cheers though and Zoran hears a weird crackle behind him. He turns around and WELLINGTON DUNNE JABS A FUCKING CATTLE PROD INTO HIM! Zoran Sainovic seizes up and collapses on the ground, twitching violently.
Hawke: JESUS CHRIST!
Angel: Where did he get a cattle prod? Hello?
Hawke: He probably brought it, Randy.
Angel: That should've never gotten through security.
Dunne grins at the twitching body of Zoran Sainovic , blood still dripping from his skull where he had that glass smashed into him earlier. Zoran's chest heaves, as if he's about to throw up, and Dunne rams the live end of the prod into the back of Zoran Sainovic once again. Sainovic seizes again, uncontrollably, and it looks as if Wellington Dunne is enjoying this a bit too much.
Hawke: Come on, Dunne, just pin the guy! This is borderline torture porn.
Angel: It's what the fans want, Joey!
Dunne grins and winds up one more time to cattle prod Zoran again. But he's stopped short as Jason Long hits the ring and bats away the cattle prod from Dunne's hands! Dunne looks down at the cattle prod, then back up at Jason Long. Jason swings at Dunne, but Dunne catches the bat with his hands mid-swing. The two gentlemen struggle for control over the bat. After some power struggle, Long releases his hold on the bat, giving Dunne control. The shock of the sudden nature of release knocks Dunne back a bit. He stabilizes and readies the bat, turning to swing at Jason-- WHO SIDESTEPS TOWARDS HIM AND PLANTS AN ICONKICK RIGHT INTO THE BAT! The bat bounces off of Maverick's foot and nails Dunne directly between the eyes!
Angel: DUNNE'S DOWN!
With Dunne on the mat, Jason lines up his shot. Just as Dunne pushes up to all fours, Jason gets a running start and ABSOLUTELY PUNTS THE PISS OUT OF WELLINGTON DUNNE!!
Hawke: VANITY KILLER ON WELLINGTON DUNNE!
He drops for the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: Wellington Dunne has been eliminated!!
Dunne looks to be out cold as officials check on him. The man formerly known as Maverick looks proud of his work, and the crowd can't help but eat it up. At ringside, Graham has been offered a shirt by a fan in the crowd, which he rips up and uses to wrap his bleeding arm like a tourniquet. Similarly, a fan has offered Riley Richards her bottle of water, which Richards uses to wash the burning sensation away from his eyes. Zoran has managed to crawl out of the ring, still in literal shock from the electrocution. With Zoran down at ringside and Graham tending to his wounds, Jason Long motions for Riley Richards to step into the ring. Richards nods and obliges.
Hawke: A one on one showdown between an XHF Network Legend and a Rising Star!
Both men circle each other as the crowd eats it up. The two go into a collar-and-elbow tie up, but Long quickly gains the advantage. He rolls around behind Riley, managing to wrench his arm in the process and keep him tied up with a hammerlock. Riley flails at Jason but it's no use. Jason forces Riley forward, running him into the corner. Riley springs up to the second rope and uses the momentum to springboard back, throwing his body against Jason and knocking him to the ground. Riley gets excited and waits for Jason to get back to his feet and charges him, but Jason gets a foot up and boots Richards in the jaw.
Angel: Advantage: Jason Long! That in-ring experience is really showing.
Riley stumbles backwards, catching himself. Long keeps the pressure on, jumping forward into a handspring and launching himself towards Richards! Richards catches Long on top of his shoulders in a seated position. Thinking quickly, Riley Richards spins Jason Long around and attempts to plant him with a powerbomb, but Long tucks his head and rolls underneath Richards for a quick roll up!
ONE!
TWO!
KICKOUT!
Riley Richards manages to kick out of it! Jason Long looks at the referee and holds up three fingers but the referee disagrees, much to his chagrin.
Hawke: Jason Long can't believe his trick didn't work!
Angel: Richards may be young, but he wasn't born yesterday!
Long pounds the mat, frustrated. He storms over to Riley and stomps him a few times in the midsection to keep him on the ground and runs a hand through his hair, debating what to do next. Finally, he decides to climb the corner turnbuckle, looking to put Riley out for good. Seeing his impending doom, Riley manages to pull himself up to his feet and tries to pull Jason down off the corner. Jason grabs the back of Riley's head and squares him up, clocking him clean in the jaw. He lines him up -- again, another shot to the jaw. This time, Riley fires back with a punch of his own! Jason responds, and Riley does too... but then Riley follows it up with another, and another, and another! Jason Long is overwhelmed by a flurry of strikes from Riley Richards!
Hawke: This might be the opening he needed.
Riley quickly jumps up to the second rope and wraps Jason up from the front, setting him up for a superplex... but Jason locks a leg in around the top rope! Riley pulls again, but once again, Jason stays seated. Now, Jason manages to get a few shots in on Riley's midsection. Riley goes limp and Jason pulls his head back, then smashes it forward into Riley's face with a vicious headbutt. Riley teeters back and flops onto the mat from the top rope, creating a loud thud when he lands. Maverick stands on the top rope, looking at his victim on the mat before him.
Angel: What does he have planned!?
Hawke: I don't know, but I think Riley won't like it!
Maverick plays it up for the fans in attendance for a moment before LAUNCHING himself from the top rope into a 450 splash... BUT RILEY RICHARDS ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY!! Maverick eats canvas! Richards is quick to his feet, beginning to mount the corner himself, pausing only briefly to shake out his own cobwebs. He manages to get to the top and though he is a bit wobbly, he finds his footing and then jumps off, planting both feet into the chest of Jason Long!
Hawke: BRISTOL'S FINEST!
Angel: That looked like it hurt.
Richards covers!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: Jason Long has been eliminated!!
Richards flops over onto his back, catching his breath.
Hawke: We started with six. We are now down to the final three!
Angel: That's half gone!
Hawke: Quick math, Randy.
Riley crawls away, getting a much needed breather after his battle with Maverick. Meanwhile, Zoran's shock has worn off and Graham has gotten back into the ring with his arm properly tied off to stop the bleeding.
Hawke: Solomon Graham has a score to settle!
Zoran is walking a bit stiff, perhaps some lasting effects from Dunne's cattle prod. Solomon Graham is carrying his trusty brick in his hand. It doesn't take Graham long to square up against Zoran. Graham takes the brick in his fist and swings it at Zoran, but Zoran manages to sidestep it. Graham swings again, but Sainovic stays one step ahead. Graham swings again and pump fakes -- Zoran falls for it -- but Zoran fakes out Graham! Graham tries to swing and Zoran manages to grab hold of his arm, tossing him to the ground with a hip toss! Graham lands and the brick flies out of the ring.
Hawke: Sainovic learned about Graham's pump fake earlier, and he saw it coming that time!
Zoran is quick to follow up, but Graham gets right back up to his feet. Zoran slides at Graham, attempting to take his knees out from under him, but Graham isn't having it! He hops over top of the oncoming Zoran and turns, kicking back behind him and nailing Zoran in the back of the skull. Graham keeps Zoran grounded with a series of stomps and kicks, keeping up the pressure. Zoran manages to crawl towards the corner and pulls himself up. Graham keeps stomping away, getting Zoran nice and groggy in the corner. Graham takes a few steps back and then charges at Zoran in the corner with a big boot, but Zoran ducks it! He grabs hold of Graham's foot and flips him over, sending him to the mat on his back.
Angel: ...what is Zoran pulling out of his pocket?
With Graham down, Zoran fishes around in his pocket for a little piece of fabric. He grins ear to ear as he scrambles on top of Solomon Graham and jams the rag against his nose and mouth, forcing him to inhale it while Zoran maneuvers behind him to lock in a sleeper hold. Graham lets out muffled screams and cries. The referee asks if he wants to tap out, but it doesn't take long before Graham is completely out and unable to respond.
Hawke: I think Zoran just used a chloroform rag on Solomon Graham!!
Angel: That's... legal? I mean yes, that's legal. Huh.
The referee lifts Graham's hand... and when he drops it, it slumps all the way to the mat! Out cold! He waves for the bell and declares Graham eliminated.
Bonnie Jenkins: By way of knock out... Solomon Graham has been eliminated!!
The crowd lets loose a chorus of jeers to Zoran who once again just shrugs and grins. Riley Richards climbs to the ring apron and stares down his opponent, the only man standing between him and victory. Sainovic slowly turns and notices the young Richards on the apron and extends a very formal hand out, as if welcoming him to the ring.
Hawke: We're down to the final two!
Angel: I wonder how many more tricks Zoran Sainovic has to pull out of his bag!
Riley steps into the ring and heads right for Sainovic . Sainovic backs up towards the corner and then turns around, away from Riley, facing the corner. He fumbles around with the turnbuckle cover for a moment, rooting around. Riley waits to see what happens but... Sainovic just never turns around at all. Riley kind of looks around at the crowd like, uh, is this guy serious?
Hawke: What is he doing?
Finally tired of waiting, Riley marches up and puts a hand on Zoran's shoulder... and Zoran turns around and stabs at him with a switchblade he had hidden in the turnbuckle! Riley manages to act fast and dodge backwards away from the blade, quickly putting distance between himself and the crazed Sainovic .
Angel: How many blades does he even have out here?
Sainovic stalks towards Riley, brandishing the blade menacingly. He takes a few steps closer and then lunges forward, jabbing the blade at Riley. Riley manages to jump to the side to avoid it. The two continue their dance in circles around the ring. Sainovic takes another running jab at Riley, who tumbles forward underneath and away from it. Sainovic grumbles at having to chase Riley around the ring more, so he begins to back him into a corner. Richards finds himself bumping up against the turnbuckle with nowhere to go.
Hawke: Better do something fast, Riley, or you're gonna have a big problem!
Sainovic closes in on Richards and takes a page out of Solomon Graham's book and fakes out Riley. Riley drops down to the mat prematurely! With Riley down on his back, Sainovic leans over to slice him, but Riley manages to get a foot up into the midsection of Sainovic ! Sainovic keels over and Riley follows up with another kick to the midsection. Zoran drops his blade and it clatters to the mat. Riley manages to kick at it, knocking it away and out of the ring.
Hawke: The blade is gone!
Angel: Let's see how many more he has though...
Riley finally reaches up and grabs Zoran's head and lifts a knee up, slamming Zoran's face into his kneecap. Zoran reels backwards and Riley is quickly up to his feet, not wanting to give him any opportunity to recover. He runs the ropes and springboards off, flying at Zoran with a springboard forearm! It connects! Zoran is sent stumbling backwards! Riley quickly follows up and grabs Zoran, wrapping him up from the front and snapping off a suplex to put him on the ground. Both men are back up fast, though Zoran is feeling it. Riley grabs Zoran and whips him into the corner and Zoran COLLIDES with the exposed turnbuckle he took off earlier!
Angel: I've done that before. That hurts. Trust me.
Zoran looks like he's had the daylight knocked out of him as he wobbles back out of the corner. Richards catches Zoran stumbling back out of the corner and gets his foot locked in place then PLANTS him on the mat with The Homage!
Hawke: THE HOMAGE!! OUT OF NOWHERE!!
Quick! Cover!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE
Bonnie Jenkins: Here is your winner... and NEWWWWW XHF EUROPEAN CHAMPION.......... RILEYYYYYYYYY RICHAAAAAAAAARDSSSSSSSSSSS!
The crowd goes nuts as "Megitsune" by Babymetal hits the speakers. Riley flops off of Zoran, unable to believe it himself.
Hawke: Zoran took that turnbuckle pad off to retrieve one of his blades, and in the end, it cost him.
Angel: For all the carnage we saw in this match, Riley Richards pulled off the biggest win of his career simply putting on some good old-fashioned wrestling.
Hawke: Great point! Riley never touched a weapon tonight, and at the end of it all, he's the one who is standing tall.
Richards is handed the belt. He takes a long moment staring into the plates, soaking in the moment, before raising it high above his head. The crowd pops hard.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL and is for the XHF Women's Championship! Introducing first from Wexford Town, County Wexford, Ireland. The challenger, HANNAH ROCKFORD!
Angel: Why isn't she coming out?
Hawke: Because that's not how this match works
Bonnie Jenkins: And her opponent, from Kyoto, Japan. She is the reigning XHF Women's Champion, MOMOKO HONDA!
Angel: Well, where are they?
Hawke: Would you just hold on a minute? We're about to see them!
XHF Women's Championship
Zero-G Deathmatch
Momoko Honda (c) vs Hannah Rockford
We cut to another part of the building where there's a NASA zero gravity pod set up, and both competitors have made their way into pod followed by the referee. A bell rings, and they're off!... ever so slowly. Hannah would begin to throw some strikes into the side of Momoko's body, leaning right in for an assault on the champion. Momoko goes for some of her instinctive lightning-fast strikes, but the lack of gravity dulls down her moves. A palm strike sends Hannah floating into the edge of the tank, but Momoko comes flying in with a crossbody... NO, she gets rocked with a roundhouse kick sending her to the floor! Hannah covers her, but only gets a one-count!
Angel: Look at them go! Such wild action!
Hawke: You can't miss it, even if you tried.
Hannah sits up and begins to rain strikes down on Momoko! Just smashing her into the ground! Momoko does manage to block a few strikes and start to lay into the challenger! Blow after blow is exchanged, chops and kicks and even some wild partial arts moves! Eventually, they settle for trading punches with each other!
Angel: WOW! WOW! WOW! WOO!
Hawke: ...
Momoko pushes Hannah back into a corner of the pod, before charging straight into an Irish Revolution! She does a full flip in the air before Hannah charges, GZK! GZK! Hannah makes a pin, but only gets a two-count! The referee tells her the lack of gravity lifted them both into the air! Hannah lands a double foot stomp on Momoko before using the lack of gravity to assist her climbing to the top of the pod. She then pushes herself down for a SPEAR! MOMOKO COUNTERS! DDT! SHE MAKES A COVER! Only a two-count, as the zero-gravity assists Hannah this time!
Angel: They both have used their one free save! The lack of gravity won't help them now!
Hannah is slow to get to her feet, but is quickly floored with a Tsunami Strike! Hannah is down and Momoko stands in the corner, riling up the crowd! She stalks around Hannah in a circle, before unleashing a Dance of Many Stars upon the Irish Rose! She helps Hannah up and poses, ready for the killing blow!
Hawke: It's looking close now!
In the end, Momoko would drive Hannah's head down with a Tidal Wave, planting Rockford so hard the lack of gravity couldn't help her in this situation.
Bonnie Jenkins: The winner of this match, and STILL XHF Women's Champion, MOOMOOKOOOOOOOOOOOO HOONDAAAAAA!
Angel: WOW! What a wild and zany match!
Hawke: Certainly was an interesting environment to say the least.
Angel: Go J-ROK!
Hawke: Stick around, folks! We're just over halfway through the night, and we've got bangers coming up for you!
The roar of the crowd is deafening as the camera scours throughout the crowd! Many of them are throwing their hands up, and holding their signs out, just for a brief moment to be noticed by the cameras while “My Name is Thunder” by Jet and the Bloody Beetroots is playing on the PA. Despite the noise of the crowd and the music, the camera shifts to the ringside area where Angela DeWitt dressed up for this monumental night; she already had a microphone in her hand, and a beaming smile.
DeWitt: We are here LIVE at NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS 12! This crowd is absolutely electrifying, and we have already seen several legends in attendance, and THERE IS ANOTHER!
Angela begins to walk over, as the camera centers on the individual that Angela was referring to… former XHF X*Crown Champion, World Champion, two-time Phoenix Champion, and Junior-Heavyweight Champion: TARA FENIX. She stands up as Angela approaches her and ensures that her mask is securely fastened as the camera gets a close-up of her apparel: a MYOJIN shirt, untucked, over black dress pants. It wasn’t as fancy as some people had gotten; more of a dressy casual look. The crowd gives a great pop for Tara, and the “TARA” chant is quick to follow. She waves to the crowd briefly.
DeWitt: Tara, welcome!
Tara Fenix: Thank you. I’m glad to be here.
Tara sported a smile of her own, with her eyes locked on Angela.
DeWitt: You are another one of those living-- breathing-- legends of the XHF. This is where you made your name! This is where you created your legacy! But the XHF Network has not heard from you since it debuted. What brought you out here tonight?
Tara’s eyes went a little wide, and she cocked her head to the side as if to say “duh” to Angela without actually saying it. She brought her hands down to the edge of her shirt to straighten it out and the camera highlighted that it was of the current X*Crown Champion, MYOJIN.
DeWitt: Are you a fan?
Tara Fenix: I would like to think, I’m a friend. I’ve recently met MYOJIN, and seen what they’re capable of doing, and I have to say that I’m blown away by what they can do, and I’m here to see MYOJIN retain the X*Crown here tonight.
DeWitt: What about Spike-- he is your ex--
Tara Fenix: I could have sworn he was dead, but… let’s not talk about that. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my past, but I have no control of that. I’ve taken a victory over his sister, and buried that hatchet… I wish Spike nothing but the best, and he’s one of the best talents that we’ve seen, but I’m not going to turn my back on MYOJIN. I’m cheering for MYOJIN.
DeWitt: What about Nelly Angel, Curtis, or Steve Awesome?
Tara Fenix: Steve and I have caught up elsewhere, and it’s always great to have a chance to hang out with him, but it’s going to be great to see the rest of them compete on this monumental night, on this monumental show.
DeWitt: Let me go ahead and address the elephant in the room… are we going to see you compete in the XHF ring again?
Tara smirks at Angela, and gives a slight shrug of her shoulder.
Tara Fenix: All I’m going to say is to never say never.
Following the statement, there is a brief hesitation and it appears as if Angela would like to retract the microphone to follow-up with her answer; however, Tara pulls the microphone back indicating that she is not done speaking.
Tara Fenix: There has been some buzz on Twitter indicating that not only am I a fan of MYOJIN, but you could see us step into the ring together relatively soon. Non-title, of course. I’m not looking to recapture the X*Crown… yet… Maybe if Mongo gives me an offer that I can’t refuse.
This time, Angela does successfully retract the microphone.
DeWitt: There have been rumors speculating that you and Mongo have actually been in conversation over the last couple of weeks to bring something big to the industry. Do you care to elaborate?
Tara Fenix: Absolutely! My birthday is not for another three months, but I have already decided what I’m going to do. What I call “Tara’s Birthday Charity Cruise” in which we are raising money to create more non-kill shelters not just in the United States, but around the world, to ensure the safety of domesticated animals. We will also be sending some of the money to rescue wild animals around the world and bringing an end to poachers. The event will BEGIN on October 30th-- my birthday-- and run October 31st, Halloween, and the final night will be November 1st! The event will end with what should be an epic ten-person elimination tag, which the team captains-- two people who I am already in communication with and awaiting their definitive answer-- will build their teams in hopes of winning. There are people asking: what for? Besides charity: Bragging rights. There are still matches available on the card if my fellow athletes would like to get themselves a match, and I am willing to negotiate increasing the number of matches based on how fast we fill those slots. The event is selling out fast! If you find yourself unable to acquire tickets as a spectator, the event will be available to watch on the XHF Network!
DeWitt: That all sounds absolutely amazing! You are doing a lot of good for wildlife and animals. Thank you for taking the time to speak with me, Tara--
Tara Fenix: My pleasure!
DeWitt: --and enjoy the show!
Tara gives a generous nod before taking her seat. She immediately leans over to join in an ongoing conversation with the people beside her which appear to be her eldest son whom she was still training to really blossom his own career, as well as a couple others in the industry. We end the segment with a graphic promoting Tara's Birthday Cruise projected on the Xtreme-Tron.
Vaguely Asian music plays as a bunch of trainers and animal care workers escort a real live panda on a platform down the entryway and help usher it into the ring. Almost immediately the large creature spots the bamboo-filled container in one of the corners of the ring and pulls a shoot out.
Angel: Oh my gosh, Mongo actually got a panda. I just assumed we were going to paint a normal bear black and white
Hawke: It was on the list of alternative options, as was getting a Holstein. Luckily Kanyon and Steve Awesome’s rescue of a couple of pandas made the zoological society much friendlier to us
Bonnie Jenkins opts not to enter the ring and instead stands outside.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following contest is a Panda Palace match scheduled for one fall! The match is for the XHF Tag Team championships! Featuring first the challengers. They are accompanied by Reverend Cornelius Marsh, Cerberus and Psycho; they are the Hellhounds!
“I Put a Spell On You” by Marilyn Manson plays as the Reverend walks out from the back. He takes a bow before the cheering crowd before the Hellhounds come out on either side of him. They regard the crowd with emotionless gazes before heading down to the ring with the Reverend following behind. Psycho and Cerberus hit the ring, avoiding the panda (who doesn’t seem to care at all about them). They stare at one another for a long moment before Cerberus exits the ring to leave Psycho to start.
Hawke: I’m honestly frightened for Kanyon and Awesome. The Hellhounds are so vicious.
Angel: Kanyon and Awesome have dealt with monsters like the Hellhounds before. They can do it.
Bonnie Jenkins: And their opponents, the XHF Tag Team champions…Curtis Kanyon and Steve Awesome. They are the BANG Bros!
The lights in the arena explode to life as they flash red, white, and blue to the beat of the opening riffs of “American Males” by Jimmy Hart plays over the P.A. Curtis Kanyon and Steve Awesome emerge from the entryway wearing matching sequined leather jackets. Curtis and Steve high five and then head down to the ring. Curtis rolls into the ring and heads to a non-panda..d corner. Steve hops into the ring and he provocatively slips off his jacket and then spins and drops into a kneel and he flexes his arms. At the same time, Curtis hoists his first into the air and yells “BANG!” Curtis and Steve play a quick round of rock, paper, scissors before Steve jumps up and down in excitement as he has won. He stays in the ring while Curtis exits the ring.
Hawke: The winner got to stay in the ring?
Angel: Yep. They are full of confidence. I’m sure that will be quickly stripped from them.
Reverend Cornelius Marsh goes to the danger corner, sneakily getting a bamboo shoot and throwing it into the ring. Steve Awesome holds his arms out, prancing for the fans. He turns to see where Psycho is in the ring and is blasted with the bamboo! Steve Awesome is sent to the mat with authority. He grabs at his forehead with both hands, blood seeping through his fingers.
Hawke: Not even two seconds and someone is bleeding.
Angel: Not shocking.
Steve Awesome tries to get up, but Psycho wails on him with the bamboo until the wood breaks. He drops the wooden pieces and begins stomping Steve in the chest and side of the head. He hefts Steve up and hurls him across the ring. Psycho rushes across the ring and Steve sticks his head out through the ropes. The ref gets in the way of the charging Psycho; and gets run down for his efforts. Psycho runs his knee into the rib cage of Steve Awesome like it were some type of avalanche, knocking the air out of Steve’s lungs.
Hawke: He should be-
Angel: Disqualified? I don’t think it was actually specified that tags were required….
Curtis Kanyon rushes around the ring, stopping at the danger corner to grab a bamboo shoot, and handing it to Steve Awesome. Psycho lifts a mammoth foot to smash Steve in the rib cage, but Steve comes out of the ropes and slashes at Psycho with piece of the broken bamboo from earlier. The bold move slices open Psycho’s shin, though it doesn’t slow him from stomping Steve in the gut with blood flying from the wound. Psycho pauses, looking down at his leg curiously as blood trickles from the wound. Steve jumps to his feet, slashing at Psycho over and over, hitting his chest and arms to slash him open in several places to send blood flying. Psycho backs up a few steps before lunging at Steve and picking him up by the throat. He hurls Steve across the ring over next to the panda!
Hawke: Randy, did you know that Pandas are omnivores?
Angel: Really? It seems grossly dangerous to put a movie star in a situation where he could be eaten
Everyone freezes to see what will happen. The panda notices Steve laying next to him, bug-eyed and in a sweating panic. It also sees the broken bamboo in his hand
Angel: Oh this is bad
Hawke: It’s probably fine, bears are natural wres-
THE PANDA TAKES A SWIPE AT STEVE! He just barely rolls out of the way and makes a jump to the corner tagging in his partner! Curtis rushes across the ring, jabbing Psycho in the ribs with a mighty Thor-powered fist, sending the beast to the mat; twitching. Cerberus launches across the ring like a freight train with a bamboo shoot in his hand. He hits a spear against the former President using the bamboo!
Angel: Is it just me or does the panda look somewhat more agitated than he was before?
Hawke: Natural…..wrestlers….
Angel: Are pandas even technically bears?
Hawke: ............We did not think this through
Steve Awesome hops back into the ring, hitting Cerberus with a super kick! He helps Curtis up as Psycho and Cerberus get back to their feet. Steve aims a super kick at Psycho, but his foot gets caught by Cerberus, who pulls Steve into a ripcord lariat. Curtis kicks Psycho in the gut and hits a power bomb! But before Cerberus can retaliate both members of the BANG! Bros throw up their hands.
Hawke: What are these two up to?
Angel: Hijinks, it would seem.
The two of them point to the corners and note that it is a “TAG TEAM” match (Steve Awesome makes very animated air quotes). They speak loudly and slowly in case the Hellhounds don’t understand normal English. Interestingly enough, when the Hellhounds go to check in with the referee he seems to not really be focused on the match but on the 200lbs of black and white in the bamboo corner. Realizing that the match is being poorly managed the two of them shrug and double clothesline Kanyon and Awesome!
Angel: Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m quickly starting to think that that you don’t actually need to tag in this match
Hawke: Are you accusing our former president of lying?
Angel: That, or perhaps willful ignorance. I saw something about it on an episode of 24
Hawke: What year?
Angel: Time has very little meaning to me
Reverend Marsh has produced from his suit coat a can covered in Chinese writing, but for our sake he’s taped on a very large and easy to read “PANDA REPELLENT” sticker. He goes to the danger corner and gives it a good spray, immediately the panda recoils and the Hellhounds move into the corner to grab some of that sweet sweet bamboo. Meanwhile the incensed ursine has taken his gripes to the now-terrified referee.
Hawke: I can respect the cleverness behind the idea, but that was incredibly stupid
Angel: Hell hath no fury like a panda separated from its bamboo
Not only that, but this has all been a monumental waste of time because both Psycho and Cerberus are yanked out of the ring! They come out with a crash and are quickly met with clubbing blows on either side. Reverend Marsh tries to go to the aid of Psycho but gets a mouthful of superkick from Steve Awesome! Meanwhile the former president Kanyon has foregone anything aside from an assault of heavy fists raining down on Cerberus!
Hawke: Aaaaand it’s all breaking down
Angel: I think this might be a new record
Hawke: We’ve had matches break down faster
Angel: I know, I meant it was a record for how long it took
The referee has given up on trying to control whatever is happening outside of the ring because the angry panda has cornered him and wildly goes between pushing him and gesturing towards the bamboo corner. Kanyon lets up and allows Cerberus to get up so he can lock in….A PANDA HUG! Ok, so it’s just a normal bear hug and any attempt to make it more Asian would almost certainly get him cancelled. There’s just one problem with this plan, Cerberus is huge and not really that fond of hugs. The masked monster headbutts the former president away and shoulder-blocks him down. He begins to lay boots into him.
Hawke: Things aren’t looking great for the president
Angel: You think that’s bad, what about Steve?
Randy was right to call it out because Psycho has gotten back to his feet and powered out of whatever Steve had tried on him. Now Awesome is making a run for it while being hunted by the Hellhound who’s name probably describes his personality. He makes his way around the ring, pausing only a moment to add his part of a SNAPSHOT DDT after Kanyon miraculously lifted Cerberus into the air!
Angel: WHAT A TURNAROUND!
Steve continues running though because he doesn’t want to be caught by Psycho and instead finds himself face-to-face with a bamboo-toting Reverend Marsh. Marsh hauls back to swing BUT THE REF TELLS HIM TO STOP- also the panda growls hangrily.
Hawke: Oh I guess there are some rules
Angel: The panda seems to respect them as well, maybe he finds a kindred spirit with the referees uniform
Marsh drops the shoot and slowly backs up. Steve Awesome just laughs and gives him a crotch chop- completely forgetting that Psycho exists…..AND IS RIGHT BEHIND HI- Kanyon GORES Psycho down! The BANG Bros double high five, roll into the ring and grab some bamboo from the formerly dangerous corner to prepare for the battle ahead. Unfortunately they forgot that now the rest of the ring is the danger corner and the panda IS RIGHT BEHIND THEM!
Angel: OH THE HORROR, I CAN’T LOOK!
Actually it’s fine. The panda has calmed down having one of his own in the ring (or at least he’ll accept the referee as such for now). Instead it has thrown its arms around both Kanyon and Steve in a chummy manner. Meanwhile the Hellhounds have recovered and are currently huddling with their over-enthusiastic manager. Assuming that there are plans-a-hatching, the BANG Bros also huddle…with the panda. The referee just sort of stands there.
Hawke: There is a lot less senseless violence than I expected considering the opening of this match
Angel: Yeah, this seems downright organized.
Oh but then the panda threw Steve awesome across the ring.
Kanyon: He was just kidding!
The panda does not accept whatever Kanyon was trying to cover for and takes a swing at the former president. Meanwhile, Cerberus holds down Steve while Psycho climbs into the ring and empties all of the bamboo around the ring! The panda shoves Kanyon away to resume its buffet and Psycho locks on a bamboo-shoot assisted camel clutch! Steve’s back is wrenched and the ref slides in to see if he’ll tap!
Angel: This could be it!
No! In his desperation, Awesome found a bamboo shoot and was able to swat his opponent off! He jumps up and whirls around only to have his feet taken out from under him by the forgotten-about Cerberus! Kanyon sees his opening as Psycho stumbles backwards, looks at the panda sitting in the middle of the ring, digs in his feet, runs, jumps onto the panda’s shoulders AND LAUNCHES HIMSELF WITH A DIVING LARIAT INTO PYSCHO!
Hawke: PANDA-ASSISTED SUPER LARIAT!
Angel: That might have been the coolest thing I’ve ever seen!
Unfortunately, all Steve Awesome is seeing is stars because he’s currently getting the holy heck stomped out of him on the outside by Cerberus. Using his freakish strength, he picks up Awesome and brings him down on the harsh outside mats with a press slam! Kanyon has Psycho down and moves to one shoot of bamboo that has been left standing up in the turnbuckle. Slowly his mighty arms reach towards it. His sledgehammer may not be here, but if Thor wills it, all may become his mighty hammer. Muscled hands grip the bamboo and if this were anime there would be cool flash lines and maybe sparks and lightning. Curtis Kanyon brings his new mighty weapon and raises it to the sky as thunder peals.
Angel: That’s….that’s not normal
Hawke: Did our sound guy do that or is there a freak rainstorm outside?
Cerberus tosses Steve Awesome at one of the corners, but the crafty veteran scales the corner and flies off of the top with an Awesome-sault! …..Which is immediately caught and followed by a front pancake!
Angel: Ouch!
Kanyon’s display, while meaningful has taken a frustratingly long amount of time and now he grips his mighty Bamjolnir while facing down a recovered Psycho. He lets out a mighty war cry and attac- wait, Psycho stepped out of the way and the president nearly blasted an adorable (though dangerous) panda right in the face! The crowd pre-boos but breathes a sigh of relief when he stops himself. The panda though grabs Kanyon with a headlock!
Hawke: I TOLD YOU THEY WERE NATURAL WRESTLERS!
Angel: This has become a handicap match!
Psycho runs to the corner and dives off with a superfly headbutt to the down Steve Awsome! The Hellhounds pick him up and the two lift him by the throat into a double spinebuster! They go for a double pin BUT NO! The referee tells them that pins must occur in the ring. Reverend Marsh argues but the Hellhounds obediently roll the lifeless Steve Awesome into the ring. Psycho goes to the top rope while Cerberus stands him up. Awesome is on spaghetti legs and soon he’s on nothing as they hit a high/low set of legsweeps!
Hawke: STILLBORN CRADLE!
Angel: Steve isn’t moving! Somebody call a doctor!
The Hellhounds go for the pin!
ONE
Time slows down as Kanyon sees his partner but can’t help him without escaping from the panda bear’s mighty and possibly friendly(?) headlock.
TWO
With a burst of adrenaline he wraps his hands around the bear….
THR-
…AND HITS A BACKDROP ON THE PANDA ONTO THE HELLHOUNDS AND ALSO HIS PARTNER WHO’S UNDER THERE SOMEWHERE!
Angel: Are we allowed to attack the bear!?
Hawke: I….I’m not real sure but I’m pretty sure PETA is gonna be pissed
Cerberus, the mighty beast that he is makes his way up to a knee pretty darn quickly for all of that. Kanyon doesn’t want to give him the chance though and starts bringing mighty fists of justice onto the theoretically religious zealot. But it doesn’t seem to matter because Cerberus is faith-powered and eats all of the punches to his hard plastic mask like a boss while continuing to get to his feet. Once on his feet though he is on the receiving end of a belly-to-belly from Kanyon! Kanyon then turns around and has to start trading blows with the panda!
Hawke: These are some absolute specimens right here!
Angel: So much man meat, and panda meat too!
Hawke: But no ref meat, he’s got no muscles
Outside the ring, Awesome and Psycho have rolled out and are now standing across from each other, both brandishing a shoot of bamboo.
Awesome: Back down now, Psycho, I have the high ground
Marsh: NO HE DOESN’T, WE HAVE THE HIGHEST GROUND OF THEM ALL, THE LORD!
The two men charge at each other and begin….to fence with the bamboo! The sticks clack loudly as they show off their hot sword skillz! Psycho thrusts! Steve parries! Steve does one of those cool spinning moves but Psycho grabs his shoot and gets in a strong hit himself!
Angel: I haven’t seen a shot that strong since five minutes ago….when I took a shot
Hawke: I’m a little impressed at their stickcraft
Angel: While Cerberus and Kanyon were in the gym, Psycho and Steve studied the bamboo
Inside the ring, Kanyon and Cerberus have….teamed up? They’ve both decided they’ve had enough of this stinking Ailuropoda melanoleuca in their ring screwing up this match. They grab onto the panda and lift it into a double suplex- BUT NO! The panda starts moving his hind legs and then ROLLS BACK INTO A DOUBLE DDT! Both of the big men are down as their heads a slammed into the canvas by a very green and untrained natural wrestler!
Angel: IT’S PANDA-MONIUM!
Hawke: You’ve been waiting all match to say that haven’t you?
Angel: Maybe.
The referee drops down to his knees to check on the two men. Upon seeing that they’re at least breathing he begins to berate the panda. Steve, noticing that the referee is distracted moves in as though to hug Psycho, but knees him in the groin! The masked menace goes down and Awesome slides into the ring. Immediately he sees Cerberus already recovering and takes no time before hitting a SHINING WIZARD!
Hawke: Steve Awesome is on fire!
Angel: It seems that all you need to get ahead is to low-blow life’s obstacles!
Cerberus is down and Kanyon is up! The BANG Bros drag the big man into the corner, hang him in a tree of woe, and begin to pile bamboo shoots up against him. Once they feel that Cerberus is sufficiently covered the call to the panda bear! The bear, angry at this waste of bamboo runs and-
Angel: BANG! BY THE BEAR!
Kanyon is in position and-
Hawke: BANG! BY THE FORMER PRESIDENT!
Steve is in position now too and-
Angel: OH….oh no that looked painful
Psycho has just nearly taken off Awesome’s head with a mighty shot from bamboo! Kanyon didn’t notice this because he was gathering up some more bamboo of his own. Now he finds himself turning around into A VAN DAMINATOR INTO THE BAMBOO INTO THE FORMER X*CROWN CHAMPION! Psycho is the only human left standing!
Angel: I don’t think things can get much worse for the BANG Bros
Kanyon stumbles backwards into the ropes and is projected forward. The panda lifts him in the air and Psycho HITS HIS PART OF THE 3-D! ONTO BAMBOO!
Angel: I spoke too soon.
Hawke: ASGARD HAS FALLEN EVERYONE!
Kanyon is OUT and Steve Awesome is PISSED. He gets right up in the panda’s face, yelling at him for interfering- noting that he in fact was not joking during their huddle earlier. The actual bear (yes, scientists have changed their mind and decided pandas are full bears; the more you know) doesn’t take well to this and takes a claw-filled swipe to the movie star’s beautiful face. The awful father telegraphed it though and ducked, good thing too because Psycho WAS RIGHT BEHIND HIM! The smaller of the two Hellhounds eats a face full of angry bear paw!
Hawke: Steve Awesome has to be one of the luckiest people in existence
Angel: I’m pretty sure his entire career has been built on that
While the claws have little effect on Psycho’s mask, the paw itself had enough weight to throw the Hellhound for a loop. He stumbles around, trying to get his bearings. Steve knows this is his only opportunity and drops his issues with the panda for a moment to run to Psycho, lift him into a fireman’s carry and drop him into a cutter!
Hawke: STEVE-KO!
Angel: THIS IS PANDA- oh I already said that
Steve hooks the leg!
ONE
Cerberus is finally up and moving!
TWO
The bigger member of the Hellhounds (and the panda!?) runs to break it up!
THREE!
JUST A SECOND TOO SHORT! The bell rings and signals the end of the match.
Bonnie Jenkins: Your winners and STILL XHF Tag Team Champions…….THE BANG! BROS.!
Hawke: What a match! That could have got any way until the panda got involved!
Angel: The panda was involved most of the match….And it still could have gone either way!
Hawke: I’d like to note for those concerned, the panda seems to be fine and has returned to eating now that the match has finished and the ring is clearing out.
But not everyone is out of the danger zone yet! Steve Awesome is feeling great about his win, and possibly a little loopy from all the insanity and blood loss. He goes to the panda with his hand extended. What a show of sportsmansh-
Hawke: Oh for the love of…
NO! As soon as the panda extended its paw, Steve retracted his hand and ran it through his hair, proving that he was too cool for the Chinese mammal. This was not well received and the bear proceeded to yeet Steve to the outside! The exiting Hellhounds took this moment to laugh at the wrath of God on Steve Awesome. The ref also laughed watching as his brethren in color get one up on the cocky jerk. Kanyon also laughed…because it was funny. Then the three remaining in the ring sat down to chew some of that sweet sweet bamboo while Steve Awesome rolled around outside in post-match humiliation.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following match of Night of Champions 12 is for the XHF JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! The match is scheduled for one fall, either pinfall or submission, and will be a LEGO Minefield match! Both competitors will begin the match barefoot. There are NO disqualifications, no count outs, and no rope breaks!
Hawke: This one is going to be interesting folks.
Angel: A LEGO minefield match, so violent, so plastic...y!
Hawke: Both competitors will be barefoot in what is every parents worst nightmare of a scenario. LEGOs littered everywhere around the ring. Along with some surprises we have been told to watch out for.
Angel: Bloodied Fox is the current champion, and what a run he has carved out for himself as the Junior Heavyweight Champion!
Hawke: El Combatiente is no slouch either! GUNS season 3 is underway and El Combatiente is already making his name one to look out for. I expect we will see some truly unique offenses tonight in this one of a kind LEGO Minefield match.
Angel: Probably should trademark that before LEGO does. Could be worth a fortune!
Hawke: I’m sure Mongo has thought about that already Randy. It appears we are ready for this match to begin, as Bonnie Jenkins has entered the ring and appears ready to get this one underway!
Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing first, the challenger and representing GUNS! Hailing from South Los Angeles, Californ-I-A! Weighing in tonight at 218 pounds, he stands 5 foot 9 inches tall, and he is a former XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion! He isssss, EL COMBATIENTE!
The opening of the TuPac’s “To Live and Die in LA” hits the pa system and El Combatiente follows his manager Javier onto the stage. They look around, soaking up their surroundings until El Combatiente breaks into a full sprint for the ring and slides in. Javier slowly walks to ringside and takes his position at ringside as El Combatiente stretches in the ring preparing for his match to begin.
Angel: What a colorful design of the outfit and mask tonight for El Combatiente. He really went all out for Night of Champions.
Hawke: I agree Randy. He looks ready to bring home the Junior Heavyweight championship he once held. There is so much history with this title, it’s daunting to remember all the wars we have witnessed and called.
Angel: Right? (burp) The X*Crown gets all the limelight, but every one of these Junior Heavyweights have proven they have the ability to steal the show.
Hawke: Bloodied Fox has a hell of a challenge ahead of him tonight if he wants to retain.
Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing next representing SWAT! Hailing from Reading, Berkshire, England! Weighing in for tonight’s event at 194 pounds, he stands 5 foot 9 inches tall —the reigning and defending XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion, The Bloody Rainmaker, BLOODIED FOX!
“BFG Division 2020” by Mick Gordon screams throughout the XHF Network Arena in Minneapolis, Minnesota. The arena lights pulse red as BFG Division 2020 rips and tears through the speakers and Bloodied Fox makes his way out, the XHF Junior Heavyweight title around his waist and the Alepou Aegis on his right arm. The fans cheer as he walks down the ramp and slides into the ring, mounting the corner turnbuckles and unfastening the belt, raising it in salute in his left hand.
Hawke: As you can see the competitors are both bare footed in the ring, and they are waiting for the staff to finish dumping the barrels —- yes, we said barrels of legos around the ringside area.
Angel: This is making me cringe just seeing all those foot murdering plastic pieces.
Hawke: Glad I’m here with you Randy. Never thought I would say that.
Angel: What’s with the sheeted table on the other side of the ring Joey?
Hawke: Your guess is as good as mine Randy. We were only told to watch out for surprises. I imagine whatever is under that tarp is meant for these two to destroy each other with.
The referee in charge looks at both competitors and calls them to the center of the ring.Then he tells their managers to leave the ringside area. Bloodied Fox lifts up the XHF Junior Heavyweight title, giving it a kiss, before handing it over to the referee. Staff wheels out multiple rolling trash cans full of Legos, and begins pouring them all around the outside ring area. Both stars do a nod in agreement to the rules being explained, and then say something to one another, Bloodied Fox seems apprehensive but sticks a hand out and meets El Combatiente with a handshake. The referee lifts the belt into the air, displaying it one more time for the crowd in attendance for Night of Champions 12. Handing it off to the time keeper, the bell is sounded, and both men --- leave the ring?
Hawke: it appears as though Bloodied Fox and El Combatiente have agreed to start this match off building with the legos!
Angel: Do you blame them? They are getting paid to play with Legos! And I thought my job was easy… (burp)
Hawke: Each competitor went out of the ring on opposite sides, and are now constructing God knows what. I’ve never seen anything like this!
Angel: Only in XHF baby!
On the far side of the ring Bloodied Fox is quick to put on some Lego elbow pads he crafts, and places pointy Legos on the underside of the elbow to create a spiked tip! Once he finishes the set he moves on to what appears to be boots! On the other side of the ring, El Combatiente is creating shoulder pads that he finishes up and slides on. Hustling to get to his next creation as he glances across the ring to see Bloodied Fox piecing legos together like a mad man. The referee stands in the ring with a look of “what the fuck is going on” in his facial features.
Hawke: These two came with a plan, an unconventional plan, but a plan nonetheless.
Angel: Is Bloodied Fox wearing lego boots and elbow pads?
Hawke: Yes he is! Exploiting a loophole in the match rules, the Junior Heavyweight champ has crafted himself lego boots!
Angel: Looks like El Combatiente has made himself a helmet and shoulder pads! What's he think this is, American Football?
Hawke: Looks like both men are ready to get this one started!
El Combatiente steps through the ropes. Bloodied Fox walks up the steel steps. Both men were decorated in Lego gear and looking across the ring at one another. Bloodied Fox makes the first move, sprinting at El Combatiente and attempting a dropkick, but the lego boots were causing him to lose a step and El Combatiente sidestepped the move. As Fox gets up, El Combatiente lands a headbutte, and legos go flying! Bloodied Fox hits the canvas hard, and El Combatiente goes to pick him up, only to be kicked in the chest by Fox with his lego boot! El Combatiente is sent backwards into the ropes, and comes back at Fox, dropping an elbow! Nobody home! Fox rolls out of the way and spins a leg around, kicking the sitting El Combatiente in the chest again! Legos go flying on impact!
Angel: By the time this one is over, those legos aren’t going to be good for nothin!
Hawke: I’m sure the XHF is bagging those up and selling them second hand on the internet.
Angel: Wait, we can do that?
Hawke: OOOH! Bloodied Fox has mounted the downed El Combatiente and is striking him with open palms!
As Joey stated, Bloodied Fox took control with mounted palm strikes on El Combatiente, but instead of to his head, he strikes him in the chest! Bloodied Fox hits Combatiente in the gut before he tries to pull the lego helmet off of him! El Combatiente fights back, and flips Fox off him and onto his back. Both men roll to their knees and jump to there feet simultaneously. A roar from the crowd is heard, and both men acknowledge it for a brief moment, before they begin to circle the ring. El Combatiente puts a hand up, trying to get Fox to oblige and have a test of strength showdown - but Fox doesn’t take the offer, and instead shoots a single leg takedown on El Combatiente! Effective in execution, Fox takes El Combatiente to the canvas, but El Combatiente rolls to his stomach to avoid another series of mounted palm strikes. Instead, Bloodied Fox takes the lego elbow pad and drives it into the back of El Combatiente just below his lego shoulder pads! El Combatiente lets out a scream of anguish from the lego spike penetrating his skin!
Hawke: Fox was ready to drive that elbow somewhere, and El Combatiente left himself wide open for it!
Angel: First blood by the Bloody Rainmaker! How fitting!
Hawke: Yes, and Fox is going to do it again!
Angel: El Combatiente with the reversal, throwing an elbow of his own as he rolls to his back! He caught Fox flush on the jaw with that one!
Hawke: I’m seriously impressed with your awareness tonight Randy! El Combatiente has rolled Bloodied Fox over and taken to a mounted position of his own!
El Combatiente begins reigning down headbuttes on Bloodied Fox! The lego helmet begins to fall apart at each point of impact! After five headbuttes, we see Legos littering the ring and the back part of the helmet slide off El Combatiente’s head and fall onto the canvas. El Combatiente headbutted his helmet into pieces! Bloodied Fox looks dazed, and El Combatiente sees this, so he jumps up and runs to the ropes, springboarding off with a moonsault and landing on Bloodied Fox! Hooking the leg, we see the first pin attempt of the evening.
1!
2!
Shoulder up by Fox! El Combatiente doesn’t let up, and grabs Fox by the neck lifting him from the canvas. Irish whip towards the far corner. As Fox hits and turns around, El Combatiente is right there with a clothesline! Fox slumps in the corner, as El Combatiente begins kicking him with his bare foot! El Combatiente looks outside the ring to the covered table and a light bulb goes off in his head. One more good kick to Fox’s head and El Combatiente exits the ring making a B-Line for the table. Stepping on various legos on his way, we hear El Combatiente’s displeasure as he curses the Legos. Grabbing the tarp, he pulls it off the table!
BOOOM!
A Lego mine goes off right under El Combatiente as the tarp hits the ground! Legos are shot in every direction! El Combatiente gets pegged with an assortment of jagged Legos that send him staggering backwards! In the far corner, we see Bloodied Fox smile, as his home made shrapnel lego mine does it’s job.
Hawke: Bloodied Fox is pleased with his craftsmanship, as it explodes into El Combatiente and buys Fox some much needed time.
Angel: I just had a Vietnam flash back from that!
Hawke: You weren’t in Vietnam Randy.
Angel: Well it was a flashback either way!
Hawke: Bloodied Fox exits the ring, and those boots he forged are coming in handy!
Walking towards El Combatiente, Fox is unphased from the scattered Legos on the outside. His lego boots grow with each step, collecting new Lego pieces. Fox spin kicks El Combatiente, as a result El Combatiente flies backwards into the guard rail barrier! Fox heads towards the table, checking out what was hidden under the tarp. Multiple items are created from Legos including the table itself. Some of the items include a toy Millennium Falcon Ship fully built, a baseball bat, a fruit basket, a giant purple bag that is tied shut with a drawstring (not made of Legos), to a replica of Donzig’s head built to mimic the exact mask he wears. As Fox looks over the table he sees the Baseball bat made of Legos, but with the words ‘Fuck Mongo’ spelled out using red Lego pieces on one side. Taking the bat he test swings, and seems satisfied with the item. Drop kick outta nowhere from El Combatiente! outta nowhere from El Combatiente! Fox took too long looking and pays the price as El Combatiente now grabs the Donzig head replica and throws it at the rising Fox! The Lego art head explodes into countless pieces as Bloodied Fox throws up his to block it from hitting him in the face, and instead it hits his shoulder!
Hawke: I’m being told that these items were created by other talent and submitted by fans for this match specifically.
Angel: Was there an email about this?
Hawke: Not that I am aware of.
Angel: Dang it! I would have submitted a giant Super Sake bottle made of Legos!
Hawke: Alright, thanks for those words of wisdom Randy. It looks like El Combatiente has Fox in a suplex position!
Ringside, El Combatiente hooks Bloodied Fox and tries to lift him up, but his shoulder pads are getting in the way of him being able to leverage the move, causing Bloodied Fox to reverse and deliver his own suplex to El Combatiente on the legos at ringside! El Combatiente shrieks in pain, as he rolls over, showing legos sticking out of his back and some attaching to his shoulder pads! Fox gets up, and heads back to the table, grabbing the Millennium Falcon - and sets it on the apron of the ring. He goes back once more and finally grabs the baseball bat he was swinging earlier. This time, Fox swings down on the back of El Combatiente and we hear another scream! El Combatiente is not faring well with the legos, and slips the shoulder pads off as he crawls up the steel steps.
Angel: Oh, look! El Combatiente’s back has #FuckMongo imprinted on it from that baseball hit. (laughs)
Hawke: Bloodied Fox is on a mission tonight! He is using everything this match has given him and throwing it at El Combatiente.
Angel: You don’t find that funny? El Combatiente could get that tattooed, it looks like it may be there for a while.
Hawke: Bloodied Fox is following El Combatiente up the steel steps and onto the apron. This doesn’t look good for El Combatiente!
Swinging the bat once more at the crawling El Combatiente, he rises in pain as it makes impact! El Combatiente scoots on his knees across the apron to the far turnbuckle as Fox sets the bat down on the top rope in the corner nearest the steel steps. Fox lines up his shot as he begins to run at El Combatiente and leaps up, hooking the head of El Combatiente with the lego boots, Fox performs a hurricanrana! El Combatiente crashes on a pile of legos as does Bloodied Fox!
Hawke: Risky move by Fox, but it may have paid off.
Angel: He sacrificed himself in order to unleash more punishment on his opponent, I’d say that paid off alright.
Hawke: Both of these men are never going to walk down a toy aisle again and not be reminded of this match!
Angel: Who goes to stores still? It’s 2021 Joey, everyone buys online from Amazon! Where do you think I got this booze making kit? (points under the broadcast station) Almost ready too!
Hawke: You’re making booze here at Night of Champions 12, really?!
Angel: Hey--
BOOOOM!
Another mine goes off, cutting Randy off from explaining his alcoholic ways to Joey Hawke. This time, it’s set off by Bloodied Fox as he was returning to his feet near the apron. Legos shoot in all directions, along with little beads, and Fox looks pissed at his own creation backfiring on him. As Fox is pelted with the shrapnel of the mine, El Combatiente rolls into the ring and picks legos out of his back as he watches Fox wobble his way to the ring. Bloodied Fox’s lego boots were now massive and slowing him down dreadfully. All of the legos he had stepped on had attached themselves to his boots, while giving him height, they also had thrown his balance off. El Combatiente took advantage of this slower and agitated Bloodied Fox -- sprinting towards the opposite set of ropes, El Combatiente comes back towards Fox’s side of the ring and leaps with a beautiful suicide swann dive over the top rope onto the champion!
Hawke: Both men crash and burn into the legos again! This time Bloodied Fox taking the full weight of El Combatiente as he lands on him with a suicide dive!
Angel: I don’t think those boots are working the way Fox intended for them to.
Hawke: Absolutely not. If anything they are slowing him down as time goes by.
El Combatiente rolls off Fox and grabs him by the boot, dragging Fox through the legos, which he himself is stepping on as he does so. Taking Bloodied Fox towards the table of objects that were revealed earlier. El Combatiente clubs Fox with a forearm before picking him up and placing his head between his thighs, motioning to the crowd that Fox is going up. El Combatiente lifts him up and goes to powerbomb fox through the lego table! Bloodied Fox reverses and is able to execute a face buster on El Combatiente on the table! Both men’s weight cause the lego table to break, and the remaining items go flying!
Angel: Someone call a doctor, I think El Combatiente has a lego in his eye!
Hawke: Bloodied Fox with a remarkable counter! But what damage did he take when he hit that sitout facebuster?
Angel: Some of those items made their way into the crowd Joey. Look at the fan there with the lego banana and orange, I hope we Mongo sprung for insurance.
Hawke: Yeah, those aren’t edible kid - and El Combatiente would know after taking a face full of that lego table!
Bloodied Fox rolls over El Combatiente and crawls towards the ring. As he reaches the apron, he begins to kick the steel steps with his lego boots, one at a time, trying to shake off the excess legos that have attached to them. With little success, Bloodied Fox begins to break the boots, realizing they weren’t serving him any longer. Rolling under the bottom rope, Fox sits there taking the left boot off. Meanwhile El Combatiente is stirring in the pile of legos that once were a table. As El Combatiente finds his feet, Bloodied Fox gets the second boot off and is now standing in the ring. Fox goes back to the corner and grabs the lego bat he was swinging earlier. El Combatiente grabs the big purple bag and heads towards the ring. His feet crunching legos with each step, and his face grimacing each time. Sliding under the bottom rope, El Combatiente gets up and within a second is swung at by Bloodied Fox with the bat! El Combatiente uses the bag to block the bat from hitting him, and then reels back with the bag, realizing it has some weight to it! Bloodied Fox and El Combatiente swing at one another, and the bat connects with the jaw of El Combatiente as the purple bag comes upwards and hits Fox under the jaw!
Hawke: You couldn’t pay them to do that again!
Angel: And the purple bag is spilling out, it’s -- yes, more Legos!
Hawke: Why did I expect anything else?
El Combatiente falls to the canvas, and the purple bag upon impact busts open sending an assortment of lego pieces all over the ring. Bloodied Fox hits the ring mat as well. The referee takes to a corner, only there to count the pin fall or call for the submission. Both men were down, exhausted, and feeling every bit of the lego hell they signed up for. El Combatiente gets to the ropes, pulling himself up, as Bloodied Fox uses a knee to find his balance. Both men get up and turn to one another almost in sync; Bloodied Fox unleashes a series of strikes that rocks El Combatiente backwards, which El Combatiente goes into the ropes and comes out looking for a clothesline but Bloodied Fox is ready and snatches him up, Fox Trap Suplex! El Combatiente lands on the legos that spilled out of the purple bag! Bloodied Fox wastes no time, going for the pin.
1!
2!
3--
El Combatiente gets a shoulder up at the last possible moment. Bloodied Fox looks around, all of the items they had used were destroyed --- before he spots the Millennium Falcon sitting on the apron! Fox crawls towards it, and grabs the famous Star Wars Lego ship, marveling at it, before he gets up in the corner, and crouches with the Millennium Falcon. El Combatiente begins to get up, staggering to find his feet. El Combatiente turns and Bloodied Fox runs at him swinging the Millennium Falcon at El Combatiente’s head! He ducks! Bloodied Fox misses! El Combatiente kicks him in the gut, and goes for Street Justice! Bloodied Fox reverses it and slips behind Combatiente, grabbing the Millennium Falcon, he throws it at El Combatiente’s face as he turns! It collides, breaking upon impact, and BLOODY RAINMAKER!
1!
2!
3-
The referee confirms it is a three count! Bloody Rainmaker executed after a distraction using the Millennium Falcon, and Bloodied Fox retains the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship.
Bonnie Jenkins: Winner of this match via pin fall, and STILL XHF JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, Bloodied Fox!
Hawke: What an ending to an insane match!
Angel: I bet El Combatiente isn’t going to be watching much Star Wars after this.
Hawke: Regardless of the outcome, both men put it all on the line here at Night of Champions 12! Bloodied Fox came out victorious tonight, but don’t count out El Combatiente; I don’t think this will be his last time fighting for the Junior Heavyweight Championship.
Hawke: Ladies and Gentlemen! It is finally time!
Angel: Woooo! *downs a gallon of super sake*
Hawke: Uh … I … don’t think that’s healthy … IT’S CELEBRATION SLAM TIME! In honor of XHF’s 20th birthday, we present to you the X*Crown championship match!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen! This match is a Celebration Slam match and is for the XHF X*Crown Championship. The first four people to use another wrestler to set off the party cannons will advance to the cake portion of tonight’s event. The winner will be the first to extinguish all the candles!
Angel: OOH OOH! This is it! I got super sake to fund a nice little birthday introduction for the new X*Crown champ!
Hawke: What?
The lights dim, spotlights dart around the arena as a drum roll echoes throughout the XHF HQ Arena. In the ring we see Kris Quake sneak in behind Bonnie in his full Super Sake mascot costume. There are a line of dancers in various mascot outfits. Randy Angel leaps up from his spot at the announce table and tears off his pullaway pants … somehow revealing his full mascot costume. He climbs into the ring and shoves Bonnie out of the way. “Rip It Up” by Jet finally plays as Nelly Angel, completely unaware, runs onto the stage and immediately stops, nearly tripping, and does a quadruple take. He looks in the ring and sees Randy.
Angel: Entering first! Representing the Greatest Unappreciated Network Stars, and being sponsored tonight by Super Sake and Super Sake Presents: Off the Wagon … At 6 feet and 180 pounds of pure wrestling godhood … from the City of Angels, San Francisco, California!
Hawke: Um actually that’s not …
Angel: YOUR NEXT X*CROWN CHAMPION! AN XHF LEGEND! AN XHF ORIGINAL! MY BROTHER NELLY “GONNA KICK YO’ ASS” ANGEL!!!!
Streamers go off and spray over the crowd as confetti rains on Nelly. He is clearly touched, and beet red with embarrassment and shock. He sprints to the ring and slides in to the cheers of the crowd … or boos … hard to tell … is he a #heel? He says something to his brother and they hug. Now it’s cheers for sure. Randy hands the mic back to Bonnie and the dancers slowly exit the ring. Bonnie looks equal portions touched and angry. Nelly stretches on the ropes.
Hawke: Well that was something …
*"Ain't No Rest for the Wicked" hits the arena as an imitation sandstorm is created in the entranceway and Aiden Merric emerges from it chewing nicotine gum and wearing a smug ass smile on his face. He spits the gum at a random fan in the front row, who appears quite put out, and puts a patch on his arm before stretching and walking to the ring with a purpose. He walks around the ring and meets Randy Angel as he is heading to the desk. He smirks and whips out his largest hunting knife! He slashes upwards and Randy stands still in shock … his mascot costume splits in half and falls off, revealing Nelly Angel underwear and nothing else. Aiden laughs and rolls into the ring and stretches on the ropes. The referee stops him and removes his various blades, ropes, and other hunting equipment as he smirks. He then cracks his neck, waiting for the bell.*
Bonnie Jenkins: Entering next, from Coober Pedy, South Australia … representing for the final time, the Ascension Wrestling Federation … at 6 foot 2 inches and 220 pounds … he is the Wonder from Down Under … AIDEN “OUTBACK” MERRIC!
Hawke: Randy are you all right?
Angel: *sobs* My costume! I will have to replace that … *tears fall from his eyes* And there were four flasks in there he sliced! *cries*
Hawke: Of course there were.
As the beat from Elevators by Outkast pops through the arena, Oxford Osland emerges from behind the curtain with a confident smirk plastered all over his face. Osland doesn't bother mingling with the fans at all, as he walks calmly to the ring. Once he arrives, he walks up the stairs and wipes his boots on the apron. Osland enters in between the top and middle rope and does a lap of the ring before getting acquainted with his corner. Osland keeps his eyes focused on his opponent, while waiting for the referee to signal for the bell.
Bonnie Jenkins: Entering third, he represents Syndicate Wrestling and Tradition. He weighs in at 254 pounds, stands 6 feet 4 inches tall, and hails from Indianapolis, Indiana. He is the reigning SWAT Television Champion and a member of the ReVenants … OXFORD OSLAND!
Angel: This guy is drunk if he thinks that TV title beats the X*Crown
Hawke: He took down Curtis Kanyon to get here, a mean feat if ever there was one.
The lights turn off for a moment. The dueling guitar riffs from Simple Plan guitarists Sébastien Lefebvre and Jeff Stinco from their song “Last One Standing” as the screen reads “#Believe” in a light blue font. With a solitary spotlight on the top of the ramp, Adrien Cochrane appears the moment Pierre Bouvier’s vocals begin to echo throughout the venue.
“How many times are you gonna try to shut me out?
I told you once, told you twice, I ain't going to turn back around
You can say whatever, try to mess with me
I don't care, I'm not scared
You don't have to say you're sorry, save your sympathy
With a friend like you, I don't need an enemy
I would give you time if you were worth it
But guess what, you're not worth it”
I told you once, told you twice, I ain't going to turn back around
You can say whatever, try to mess with me
I don't care, I'm not scared
You don't have to say you're sorry, save your sympathy
With a friend like you, I don't need an enemy
I would give you time if you were worth it
But guess what, you're not worth it”
Bonnie Jenkins: And entering next, from New Orleans, Louisiana and representing Fullmetal Wrestling Alliance, he stands at 6 feet tall and weighs in at 190 pounds, he is a former X*Crown Champion, the Dropkick King … ADRIEN COCHRANE!
Cochrane looks at the fans from the ramp for a moment, giving a smile as he makes his way down the ramp and to the ring, hitting as many high fives and fist bumps as he can on his way to his destination. As Adrien leaps over the ropes to enter the squared circle and removes his black leather jacket to expose his #Believe shirt, he leans on the ropes with his fist in the air to the sound of the chorus. He then hands the belt to the referee for safekeeping during the match.
“Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, I'm always going to be the last one standing
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, because I'm never going to give up trying
And now I'm ready to go, I'm here, I'm waiting for you
And I'm going be the last one standing”
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, because I'm never going to give up trying
And now I'm ready to go, I'm here, I'm waiting for you
And I'm going be the last one standing”
Hawke: Speaking of impressive, Adrien Cochrane managed to dethrone Dylan Black’s impressive months long title reign.
Angel: I’m more *burp* impressed he is alive after tangling with Subject #42 at Overheated. *scratches his bare chest*
The entrance way and stage are bathed in an eerie red glow; the crowd cheers as the beginning chords of "Freak" by Silverchair echo throughout the arena, the drums kick in as the enigma known only as ’D’ steps through the curtains. Walking the stage with purpose, the enigma looks out over the crowd with his watchful gaze as he paces the stage, back and forth. Making his way down the aisle, he casually fist bumps fans from time to time, his focus now on the ring, his opponent, and the task at hand. Reaching the ringside area, he circles the ring slowly continuing to fist bump fans as he does. Finally circling around to the ring steps, he uses the steps to reach the ring apron, wipes his feet and enters the ring. Making his way to each corner, ‘D’ stands on the second rope, not posing but looking out over the crowd stoically. After reaching all four corners, ‘D’ hops down and begins stretching, using the ropes for leverage and throwing a few test punches.
Bonnie Jenkins: And next, at 6 feet 1 inch and weighing in at 213 pounds, he represents Northern Pro Wrestling, and is the NPW Openweight Champion, ’D’!
Angel: What do we know about this guy?
Hawke: He has a long, successful history in wrestling and immediately made his mark north of the border upon his arrival.
Angel: Gonna be a true test for him when my brother wrecks his voodoo face.
The lights go out as the beginning of "Bow Down" by I Prevail plays through the PA system, as a circle of flames erupts on the stage. Through the flames, slowly emerges Spike Kane as he fully emerges, the song kicks in.
"GET ON YOUR KNEES AND BOW DOWN!!!"
Spike steps through the flames and heads to the ring, taking off his jacket as he prepares for a fight. The lights rise as he glares at each man in the ring … and a sick smirk broaches his face.
Bonnie Jenkins: Entering next, he competes in Fireside and represents the Call to Arms Champions, BANG! Bros! He stands 6 feet 2 inches and weighs in at 240 pounds, hailing from … Hell? … er … Belfast, Ireland … he is the King of Extreme, SPIKE KANE
Hawke: Now this is an XHF Legend. Spike is a former XHF World Champion, and he’s looking to claim the one belt that eluded him back in the pre-network days.
Angel: He won the 2006 rumble and I bet he could do this.
"Are you ready?"
The lights dim down while the catchy, fast paced rock of RAINBOWS by A9 echoes as a spotlight suddenly appears on a figure on the ramp, with his back turned and begins kneeling. Once the beat finally kicks in, MYŌJIN explodes with energy- wearing a masquerade-style mask over his eyes, and turns around with a confident smile on his face, X*Crown title around his waist, raising his arms to soak in the positive reaction from everyone around. With his blonde locks hanging over his face. He then whips his head back, flipping his hair out of his face before excitedly running down the ring before performing a cartwheel and a jump, landing on his feet near ringside!
Bonnie Jenkins: And entering last … they are your reigning, defending XHF X*Crown Champion. Representing Fireside, standing in at 5 feet 9 inches and weighing in at 165 pounds … hailing from San Diego, California … they are the Shining Star … MYŌJIN!!
He climbs up to the apron, grabs a hold of the top rope, and slingshots himself into the ring. MYŌJIN performs a somersault roll, landing on his side with a hand on his hip. The other, taking off his mask to reveal his piercing blue eye contacts. He tosses it aside nonchalantly before climbing up the top turnbuckle, tilting his head upward as if he’s looking toward the sky- while the lights mimic stars above. He backflips off, back onto his feet while taking off his flamboyant coat and moving to his corner. The lights go back to normal as he checks his wrist tape. His charismatic smile fading to a more focused expression as he paces back and forth, ready for action. The referee takes the X*Crown title and holds it high overhead. Seven sets of eyes stare at it with looks of lust for the gold. The ref hands the belt to the timekeeper.
Angel: Well it’s time Joey. Can MYŌJIN retain their title?
Hawke: They certainly CAN Randy. But will they? This field is absolutely stacked with some fantastic competitors.
Myo eyes up his competition and stretches. D paces back and forth. Oxford Osland starts observing his opponents looking for weaknesses to capitalize on. Aiden Merric cracks his knuckles and smirks that sinister smirk. Adrien is ramping up the crowd which begin to chant “BE-LIEVE! BE-LIEVE!” Nelly is seen talking to his brother through the ropes. Spike has his eyes locked square on the champion. The ref calls for the bell.
XHF X*Crown Championship Match
Celebration Slam Match
Myojin (c) vs Nelly Angel (GUNS) vs Spike Kane (BANG Bros) vs Aiden Merric (AWF) vs D (NPW) vs Oxford Osland (SWAT) vs Adrien Cochrane (FWA)
As soon as the motion is made, Spike wastes no time charging across the ring and catching the champion by surprise. A flurry of big kicks to the gut sends them crashing into the corner. While most of the others are stunned by this early surge, Aiden takes it upon himself to roll out of the ring. He motions to his head at the fans, as if thinking. As the Blood God looks to take his due from Myo, Aiden scouts the ring area, looking to learn how the pressure pads work. In the ring, the shock has worn off and Adrien and Nelly Angel approach each other. They nod and shake hands and then grapple. The enigma looks to get involved but is caught off guard by an enraged Oxford Osland!
Osland: HEY! Send a message to Gus. What I do to you? I have so much more in store for him!
The SWAT TV Champ unloads on D with an impressive flurry of strikes. In a blur of offense he sends D crashing to the mat with a picture perfect exploder suplex. In the center of the ring, the junior heavyweights have to dodge out of the way of the flying body. Cochrane and Angel just head to a neutral corner and re-engage. A series of hammerlocks ensues, each one reversing the other in increasingly creative ways. Finally the Original Guardian spins the younger Angel brother and leaps for a patented dropkick but Nelly rolls underneath and hits one of his own! In the opposite corner, MYŌJIN is turtling up as Spike continues to just saturate the poor champion with heavy handed blows. Haymaker after haymaker has the champion reeling early.
Hawke: Holy hell, this is chaos. Spike is taking the champ to task. Nelly and Adrien are having a match in a quarter of the ring, and Osland has some vendetta against NPW and is using D as a sounding board!
Angel: Meanwhile the only smart one is out here studying the only way to actually *burp* advance in the match.
The hell fighter manages to get his mitts around the midsection of the shining star and spins his own back into the corner. He hoists them up. Overhead belly-to-belly! The lithe fighter however manages to handstand on the ring post and snake their arms around it to prevent themself from falling. Myo drops to the outside, light on their feet. Only to get absolutely obliterated by a leaping superman punch from the Aussie Nightmare.
Angel: OOF! Stun Gun from Aiden Merric!
Hawke: MYŌJIN just flipped completely round and crashed on their face.
Angel: Yeah but they somehow missed the pressure plate.
Merric looks up to Spike and smirks, then shrugs. Spike beckons the hunter to come into the ring. Aiden holds up a finger and shakes it, he fights on his own terms. Nelly and Adrien are trading chops in the corner as the crowd WOOS with each one. Osland has a grapevine sleeper applied to the enigma in the center of the ring. Spike turns his attention to the cluster in the ring. Looking for someone to bow down to his brand of violence, he grabs D and yanks him out of the hold. Osland kips up to argue but gets blasted in the face by a roundhouse kick, and immediately D is floored by the return spinning back roundhouse. The interviewer extraordinaire catches the OG by surprise and monkey flips him. Righting himself in midair, the Cajun Sensation manages to dropkick Spike in the back. Nelly charges for a follow-up but Adrien does a split to avoid him and Nelly gets caught by the throat by a sadistic demon. With a smirk, Spike charges Nelly back into the corner and crushes him with a series of shoulder blocks.
Angel: NELLY! KICK HIM IN THE DICK! *BELCH*
Hawke: I mean it’s TECHNICALLY allowed, but Nelly is too sweet for that! That’s more a Lord Dom-
Nelly, in frustration stomps on Spike’s right foot and then leaps to the middle rope and accidentally kicks Spike in the dick as he jumps. A stumble from Nelly shows the mistake … but he smirk on his face undermines the shock his body shows. Spike stumbles back and is caught in a cobra clutch by a resolute ReVenant.
Hawke: I mean that was a mistake …
Osland: Ok time to go to sleep!
Merric is now stalking Myo on the outside. He charges but Myo back rolls over him and then leaps to the apron. Aiden turns and gets a punt to the chest for his troubles. The champ leaps off for an over castle and lands on the pressure pad hard. The confetti cannon goes off right in Nelly’s face.
Bonnie Jenkins: SINCE MYŌJIN PUT THEMSELVES ONTO THE PAD, NOBODY HAS YET ADVANCED!
Nelly falls from the second rope with a face wrapped in confetti and streamers. He lands on Osland and Spike, breaking the hold. D takes advantage and leaps to the top rope and springs off with a moonsault onto all three men! Outside the ring Merric is slow to move as confetti and baubles rain down. The Shining Star looks pleased and grabs the wonder from down under. Aiden attempts a low blow but Myo is quick enough to jump and double stomp the foot of the hunter. With a meeting of the minds … or mind with steel, Aiden is sent face first into the ring post. He stumbles to the floor where a glint of shiny catches his eye. Myo looks into the ring to see the three man pile with D standing over it stomping all three in turn. They look to Aiden … only to realize the count is wrong. Spinning on a dime, MYŌJIN manages to avoid a clothesline with a split. Cochrane is dropped to the floor with a neckbreaker for his troubles.
Angel: I don’t think people are SUPPOSED to bend the way the champ is. My crotch hurts just watching.
Hawke: *looking* That’s because you have your ice bin on top of it.
Angel: AH! Of course! Disregard! *downs a martini*
D hauls the Blood God to his feet and throws a kick. Spike instinctively catches it, and D backflips sending the other foot into the chin. Spike stumbles and gets low bridged by Nelly Angel.
Hawke: Clearly he was standing and accidentally tripped Spike. Nelly isn’t evil enough to use such a base tactic!
Angel: No … but he’s not stupid enough to do it to SPIKE on purpose …
Oxford rolls to his feet and stares down D. The enigma beckons him to bring it on. Osland unloads with a European Uppercut. Then another. He tries a discus elbow but D catches it and redirects him. D then chops the back of his neck with a stiff strike. Osland grasps his collarbone, he stands straight but gets a roundhouse kick to the nose. The following assault would be too brutal for prime time TV. Strikes seem to come from every surface of the seasoned veteran. As the Ox crashes to the mat, one would be forgiven for assuming D had hit 100 strikes. Gasping for breath after the flurry of strikes, the painted man stares at his fallen foe. The impact of the feet, knees, elbows, hands, and headbutts have left Osland a broken man. MYŌJIN lines up Adrien and leaps for a spinning heel kick. Adrien manages to avoid it and turns around. CRACK!
Angel: OOF! What a shot! Wait is Adrien bleeding?
Hawke: His nose is busted open? What was in that punch?
Aiden stands over Adrien, having hit him square in the nose with his right hand, Norris.
Angel: That confetti blast must have had brass knucks in it! That’s what Aiden was moving for!
Aiden laughs. He turns to the champ. The hunter now stalks his prey. He throws a right hand, Myo twists out of the way. They avoid several fists, using their agility to make it look easy. Nelly meanwhile is pleading with an enraged enforcer of hell. Spike unloads for the pump bicycle kick he calls Bloody Sunday. Nelly drops to the mat to avoid it and rolls out of the ring. Spike manages to avoid hanging himself on the top rope and turns around. A double hand chop to the throat buckles the most violent man in the ring. Merric is impressed outside the ring and lets the Shining Star know. He then feints a punch and catches the dodging champion. He hits a huge vertical suplex right on top of Cochrane! Myo bounces off and rolls to their feet with shock.
Hawke: Huh, so he really IS learning to use actual wrestling. This match is full of surprises.
Aiden moves in for the kill but is stopped when Adrien grabs his leg and grapevines it. Looking down in disgust, Merric tries to free himself only to get a shining wizard from the champ for his troubles. In a show of respect, the champ checks on Adrien. The dropkick king waves him off and rolls away to recover. As they approach the hunter, the trap is sprung. A fist covered in metal fires off right at the crotch!
Angel: NO! That;s what Aiden did to Vincent Draven in AWF! The poor vampire just got back from that assault to his peanut butter jelly time!
Hawke: Are you … having a stroke?
That sick smile quickly fades as the champ has stepped back just enough to avoid contact, and you’d swear you could SEE the red in his eyes. MYŌJIN grabs the knucks and torques the arm of the hunter. Aiden howls in pain as Myo extracts the knucks. He puts them on and glares at Aiden. Aiden, for what it’s worth, smirks. He catches the punch and ducks underneath hitting a clap of the ears and a headbutt. The bagged and tagged champ stumbles to his hands and knees. Only for Angels to fly as Nelly uses him as a springboard to hit a colossal flying leg lariat. D and Spike are in a collar and elbow tie up. They jockey back and forth. D shoots some quick kicks to the thighs of the former XHF World Heavyweight Champion. Finally he executes a judo throw. Spike rolls to his feet and charges into an arm drag. He rolls to his feet and again charges. The enigma rolls over the back of the blood god to avoid a spear. But on the return …
Angel: BLOODY SUNDAY! D is now down right next to Osland.
Hawke: Spike seems content with this.
Nelly lays the boots to Aiden before hauling him up. He sets him up in front of a pressure pad. He leaps up for The Exclusive! But Aiden manages to grab the ringpost and stay standing. Nelly crashes to the pad himself sending another confetti blast into the air. Spike looks down at the carnage and what is littering the ring. He laughs as he grabs a few small items. Aiden looks to grab Nelly but is stopped when Spike throws a party popper at his feet. The sound shocks the hunter who stumbles back. Myo takes advantage and spins him and hits a huge brass knuckle shot to the crotch of the hunter!
Angel: OOOOOOOOOF!
Hawke: OOOOOOOOOF!
Aiden’s eyes water and he crumples to the mat. Myo looks pleased and disgusted at the same time. They shake their head and toss the brass knucks aside toward the commentary table. Another party popper jolts the champ and the GUNS head interviewer out of their amazement at the mulching of a man’s balls. Spike drops to the mat and rolls out of the ring. He stares down Nelly and MYŌJIN. Adrien and Aiden roll away to nurse their knuckle duster wounds. Myo and Nelly unload on Spike with a fiery intensity! Strikes flowing from both fighters. Using their speed to avoid retaliatory strikes from the Belfast Brawler … who is also from hell …
Angel: Look at my little bro go! He’s gonna steal an ounce of blood FROM the blood God!
Hawke: I don’t think that’s wise.
Spike is starting to show the effects of the continued battering by four elbows, fists, and feet. Finally he barrels away from the apron and hits a double clothesline. The champ is up first and gets a headbutt for their trouble. The former Junior Heavyweight Champ next to them is next to get a headbutt. Spike grabs both of them and slams their heads together. Both of them wobble and swing wildly in retaliation, only managing to push each other to the ground. Spike grabs a limp body, that of the Dropkick King, and drags him to the other side of the ring and to an unused party cannon. In the ring, Osland has finally shaken the cobwebs out. In a fit of anger he rolls onto the downed enigma and rains down a storm of elbows. D manages to catch the sixth shot and locks him in a triangle choke! Osland’s eyes bug out of his head and he struggles to get free, but the painted man pulls him further into guard. Osland reaches for the ropes but they are too far. With a last surge, the resident ReVenant manages to lift the lighter man off the mat a foot or two and slam him hard. The hold broken, Ox stumbles away and leans on the ropes.
Angel: Looks like Osland, D, and Spike are the only ones in fighting shape this early in the match.
Hawke: These are all seasoned wrestlers, veterans, and second and third winds are expected, Randy.
Angel: PUNCH THEM IN THE DICK, NELLY! *BUUUUUUUUUUUURP*
The Cajun Sensation is hauled to his feet. SLAP! An open palm from Adrien shocks the King of Extreme. A dropkick to the chest follows, and both men hit the floor. Spike is quick to roll to his hands and knees. Summoning that #Believe energy, a kip up follows, and a dropkick to the side of the face dumps Spike onto the pressure plate … but no blast. Adrien snaps his fingers in disappointment as a “HASH-TAG BE-LIEVE!” chant starts up. D has kipped up to his feet and now circles Osland. The love lost between these two men is at the same level as the number of fucks given by Spike about this chant. That is to say none. Spike rolls to his feet. Osland charges … right into a yakuza kick. D follows with a dragon suplex. He sprints to the corner and leaps up top. From out of nowhere the champion leaps onto the apron and catches a reverse rana off the top rope sending him to the outside. Just before D can land on the pad and put MYŌJIN into the second phase, Spike catches D with a Bloody Sunday to the chest. D crumples to the side of the pad as Spike smirks at Myo. The shining star gestures at him asking why! But this is short-lived as Osland crawls up to them and shoves them off the apron. Spike this time catches the champ in a bearhug to deny Ox his victory too.
Angel: Why is Spike actively stopping anyone from advancing?
Hawke: I think it’s a sick and perverse sense of superiority, He wants to be the first through. Plus each person through may drop the number of people you have to fight but it’s one less spot Spike could have.
Spike transitions MYŌJIN for the pop up powerbomb! As he drops the champ, a pair of feet knock them away from the pressure pad. Adrien has dropkicked them away. Spike is now furious and kicks the body of Myo away. He then grabs D and tosses him into the ring. As Spike stalks Adrien to collect his revenge he is shocked by a pair of knees to the face! CODEBREAKER!
Angel: WOOO! It’s the BREAKING NEWS!
Nelly leaps to the apron as Spike has fallen onto the pressure pad. One hop to the top rope and the younger Angel brother has his shot. ON ANGELS’ WINGS! Spike rolls out of the way as Nelly crashes and burns onto the pad, a shot of confetti flying into the air. Spike hauls Nelly off the pad and sends him crashing into the barricade, and over it!
Hawke: Your brother is in the front row.
Angel: Well *burp*, he’s always been a man of the people. *raises a glass in cheers to his brother then drops a shot into it and downs the drink*
Osland paws through the confetti but this one seems to have been all streamers. With a shrug he grabs a handful and stalks towards D again. Using the streamers like a garrote wire, Ox starts choking the life out of D in a modified camel clutch. Spike grabs Adrien, and is met with a dropkick to the face. Adrien dives on top of Spike and begins reigning down punches from the mount. This is broken up when the shining star hits a dropkick of his own to the head of Adrien. Myo looks to capitalize by pouncing on the Cajun Sensation. Osland is really trying to murder D, shouting all kinds of obscenities about Gus Arnold. Myo locks in the Orion! Adrien howls in agony. He flails and grabs at his legs as the hold begins to take its toll. Before too much damage is done however, Spike rises to his feet behind them. A well placed boot to the tangled limbs breaks the hold and sends both fighters rolling away holding their legs. A palm to the back of the head of MYŌJIN, another to the back of the head of Cochrane. In one motion, Spike tries to crack their skulls together. Myo drops to the floor and rolls through the legs of Adrien who manages to use his momentum to spin Spike and hit the Adrien Cutter! Spike’s head bounces off the pressure pad and IT FIRES!
Angel: HOLY SHIT! Adrien just advanced into the second phase!
Hawke: What a brilliant counter to the brawler’s relentless assault.
Bonnie Jenkins: ADVANCING TO PHASE 2 … ADRIEN COCHRANE
Adrien is led up the ramp to one of four fancy lounge chairs to watch the rest of the first part of the match. He takes the time to get medical treatment for the gash on his head. The confetti rains down on Osland in the ring. He is forced to break the choke hold when one of those spinning noise makers made of wood hits him in the head and his streamers snap. Spike is slow to his feet and wobbles. A dropkick to the spine sends the blood god careening into the ring post. On the rebound he is rolled into a calf slicer! In the ring, Ox is holding the noise maker in confusion. He looks to the ceiling inquisitively. He shrugs and swings it at D. D rolls out of the way. He crawls to the ropes and tries to escape the ring.
Angel: D needs to escape the clutches of Osland.
Hawke: The ReVenant sure has it out for NPW. He has almost single mindedly tries to pick apart D. He hasn’t even left the ring to try and advance in the contest.
Spike is grasping at air, trying to salvage his situation. His left leg is seriously turning red in the hold. The X*Crown champion is determined to take the blood god out of this match. Spike tries to roll out of the hold to no avail. He tries to sit up but yells in agony. Finally he is saved when a pair of hands latches onto the throat of the champion and throttles him. An angry hunter has awoken. With spittle dribbling down his stubble and tear stains in his eyes, the fiery rage of the Aussie is about to be felt in full force. He separates Myo from Spike and pulls them to their feet. In one swift motion he pops up the champ and connects with a massive uppercut.
Angel: The champ has been tranquilized!
Hawke: Aiden is more concerned with hurting the Shining Star than advancing right now.
With a hobble in his step, Aiden marches to MYŌJIN. He sits them up and unloads a flurry of ten machine gun chops to the throat before clobbering them in the face with a knee lift. Out of nowhere Spike charges the hunter. But Aiden has it scouted and catches the arm, spins him out and hits a huge rainmaker clothesline turning Spike inside out.
Hawke: TARGET NEUTRALIZED!
Angel: Hell hath no fury like a man with his nuts crushed. *cracks open a 40*
Aiden stands over the fallen blood god and champion and spits on their carcasses with his tobacco gum laced spittle. Suddenly he is dragged to the ground in the calf slicer as well! Aiden howls in pain as his legs become a famous Philadelphia baked good. The Fireside rep exerts a ton of force to torque the poor criminal’s legs out of their sockets. After what seems like a full minute, Aiden is tapping out as hard as he can, but nobody is coming to save him. The respite comes when MYŌJIN notices Spike standing up and D spilling out of the ring. Ox leaps over the ropes to the apron and then dives off with a clothesline to Spike Kane. All the while Adrien sits in his lounge chair studying his opponents and sipping a cup of sweet tea that a stage hand has given him.
Angel: Hey I want some tea! Make it a Long Island!
Hawke: You’ve had enough.
Angel: I am unfamiliar with the meaning of that word.
The calf slicer whose name I cannot seem to recreate on MS Word is finally released as Aiden drops to the floor and a doctor comes to check on him. The champ looks pleased with his work. He turns his attention to D. As the enigma slowly regains his senses, he spots the champion looking his way. The new challenge seems to reinvigorate him, as D squares up and motions for MYŌJIN to bring it. As Spike gets to his feet, Osland begins to show his technical prowess. A quick kick combo stops the God of Extreme in his tracks. Ox blocks a pair of punches and then hits a knife edge chop. Then another. Then another. Spike drops a headbutt on the ReVenant. A shoulder barge follows but Ox sweeps the leg as he goes down and Spike joins him on the floor. On their knees they begin to trade strikes. Spike’s are heavy and full of rage, Ox’s are measured and pinpointed. Myo and D are likewise trading martial arts strikes. A few muay thai knees from the enigma have the champ staggered. But they rebound with a spinning back fist. A shotei sends the painted man stumbling backwards. As they brawl, a beleaguered Nelly Angel slowly rises from behind the barricade. He measures his options and takes the long way around through the crowd to get to the other side of the entrance ramp. Choosing to avoid Spike and Ox and head to the cruiserweight zone.
Angel: Smart move little bro. HERE! *reaches back as Nelly passes behind the desk and hands him a cup of water and a cookie* For energy!
Hawke: Can you at least pretend not to be biased?
Angel: No. You know you’re rooting for Nelly too.
Hawke: DON’T LET MONGO HEAR THAT!
Angel: Oh are you also on quadruple secret mega probation like me?
Hawke: … No. How is that a thing?
Angel: Shhh don’t say anything, I’d have to kill you. *shushes Joey*
Hawke: … *shakes his head* Anyhow, the action is hot and heavy here in Minnesota as the champ and the enigma are really upping the style factor here.
Indeed the flurry of dodges and martial arts moves is a site to behold. Like an elaborate, violent dance. A spinning heel kick sends the champ stumbling back. They charge back in with a rolling koppu kick. D recovers and kicks them in the gut. As the DDT is about to happen, Myo manages to hit a shot to the kidney. As they both stand, Nelly launches himself over the barricade and hits a double DDT on both of them! Osland is to his feet and has Spike in a front chancery. Spike uses his strength to power to his own feet. Northern Lights Suplex! Osland lands JUST short of the pressure pad. Spike releases the bridge and takes a minute to crack his knuckles and neck. Nelly pulls D to his feet and hits a kick flurry before leaping with a flying arm bar, flipping D down onto the ground. D uses his athleticism to roll back to Nelly and drops a knee to the gut breaking the hold. Spike pulls Osland to his feet and gets a thumb to the eyes. Thinking quick, Osland wraps a rear waistlock and runs Spike into the barricade hard before hitting a chaos theory style rolling German Suplex right onto the pressure pad!
BOOM!
Bonnie Jenkins: ADVANCING TO STAGE 2 OF THE MATCH … OXFORD OSLAND!
Angel: WOW! That was impressive. This Osland guy is something else!
Hawke: A master of technical wrestling, a shock NPW let him walk away.
Seeing the confetti fly distracts Nelly and D. They look at each other, realizing only two spots remain. D leaps onto the apron and springs off with a moonsault onto the standing Nelly. Nelly rolls through and has D on his shoulder. He looks for a powerslam onto the pressure pad but D wiggles free and kicks his knees out. He leaps onto the apron looking for a tornado DDT but MYŌJIN springs off Nelly’s back and catches D with a Spanish fly off the apron onto the pressure pad.
BOOM!
Bonnie Jenkins: ADVANCING TO STAGE 2 OF THE MATCH … THE X*CROWN CHAMPION MYŌJIN!
Hawke: That was fast! The champ making sure he has some time to rest.
Myo and Osland both are escorted up to the fancy lounge chairs. Clearly no expense was spared. As they sit and lounge, Osland glares at Adrien. Adrien just raises his tea glass to Ox. D remains down on the ground. Nelly makes a quick count of the seats available.
Angel: There’s one left for you bro! ALL FOR YOU! SLAM THAT CLOWN *BURRRRRRP!* Oh man need to top off the tank. *guzzles from one of those double gulp cups from 7-11*
Nelly surveys the scene, D is down next to him. Spike is slowly coming to on the opposite corner pressure pad. Nelly nods. The crowd begins to chant for Nelly. This is basically his homefield advantage! XHF HQ! He amps himself up. He points behind him at D and the crowd roar then begins to mumble. Nelly is confused. He turns around. CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL!
Hawke: WOW! Nelly got turned inside out by Aiden Merric with a Contract Fulfilled.
Angel: BRROOOOOOOOO!!!!
Randy grabs the brass knucks that had fallen by the commentary desk. He slips them on. He stands up … and stumbles … trips over a camera cable … and falls on his face. The knucks slide away towards Aiden, who smirks. The hunter puts the knucks on his right hand and turns back to his prey. He notices Spike is to his feet. Aiden decides to ignore the two bodies left lying on the ground. Osland is now eating popcorn in his chair, Adrien is on the edge of his seat, and Myo is simply checking their wounds in a mirror to survey the damage. Aiden stomps to get blood flowing to his weakened legs. The two murderous monsters stare each other down.
Hawke: This is going to be a titanic show down.
Angel: *Stumbles back to his chair* Oops. I goofed.
Aiden throws a left hand. Spike takes it in the jaw and fires back one of his own. They trade left hands for a few. Aiden winds up a right hand with those knucks. The blood god ducks the strike and kicks him in the gut. He sets up for a powerbomb. As Aiden reaches a sitting position on his shoulders he hits Spike in the face with the knucks. Spike falls backwards holding his busted open forehead. Aiden laughs as he lands on his butt on the ground. Nelly crawls to Aiden and looks to punch him, but the expert poacher crushes Nelly in the face with the knucks. Climbing to his feet, the Aussie hunter grabs Nelly and again hurls him, this time over the announce table where he lands in Randy’s lap.
Angel: AH! Hey bro. Want some Super Sake? Drink a lot, responsibly.
Hawke: … Why are you still in your underwear? How did you fit that costume under your suit?
Angel: Questions for another time, a sober time, so never. Stop asking. Believe in magic.
Aiden turns back to Spike but is greeted by a dropkick to the face by the enigma! D mounts a rally with some well-placed knees and kicks. Aiden throws another loaded fist, but the painted man hooks the arm, leaps and drops Aiden into a cross armbreaker. He torques the knucks off of Aiden. They end up tossed into the crowd. A lucky fan has a souvenir … that could kill someone. Mongo best have good insurance. D grasps the fingers of Aiden, interlocking them in his own, and really pulls the wrist back. Aiden cries out in pain again. He struggles and struggles. He fights using all his strength and manages to lock his hands together. He rolls sending D sprawling onto the pressure plate! ……. Nothing. Not enough force.
Hawke: Merric almost had it.
Both men get to their feet. They trade blows again. Aiden using his heavy handed bar brawl style. D using quick martial arts strikes. D gets the advantage with a step up enzuigiri. Aiden is rattled. D hooks his head and pulls him into position. He looks for the Twisted Truth! Aiden struggles to fight it. He pulls D away from the pressure plate. He drags. But eventually. WHAM! Aiden is put down with the Twisted Truth! But no explosion. … BOOM! What?
Hawke: What? They missed the plate!
Angel: Instant replay!
Instant replay loads on the tron and we see the background of the battle. Nelly has crawled across the announce table … right to a waiting Spike Kane. Spike pulls the announcer over to a different plate and drops him with the Spike Impaler! Back to now, D stares in disbelief as Aiden lays broken at his feet, just missing the pressure pad.
Bonnie Jenkins: ADVANCING TO STAGE 2 … SPIKE KANE! There will now be a 3 minute break while we set up the party!
Spike smirks at the others and walks up the ramp. He sits in his lounge chair and glares at the other three. A pair of tables is brought out. A flurry of activity sets the tables up with various party favors, hors d’oeuvres, and a punch bowl. Cupcakes and other snacks are brought out on another table, along with ice cream! Finally a gift is placed on the lap of each remaining fighter. Adrien opens his gift, and finds Eric Dane’s vibranium knee brace. Oxford Osland opens his gift and finds a replica ANZAC Cup trophy! MYŌJIN opens his and finds a belt. The RWF title to be precise, part of his X*Crown collection. Spike opens his and immediately appears violently angry. He removes the IWF Joker in the Pack briefcase.
Hawke: Someone at XHF HQ has a sick sense of humor.
Angel: Yeah you’ve met Mongo right?
Onto the stage is wheeled out a cake the diameter of a kiddie pool, easily three feet tall, with twenty candles that are actually metal pipes coming from the cake. The whole cake appears to be a layer of cake over a metal propane can pumping fuel to the candles! A leafblower is set next to the cake. Also on the tables are placed matches, lighters, those stick lighters for a grill, and those long matches.
Bonnie Jenkins: WOULD ALL FOUR FIGHTERS RETURN TO THE RING PLEASE!
Angel: So it comes down to this. Wonder how Mongo is gonna get the Crown onto Nelly now!?
Hawke: Spoiler: Prepare to be disappointed.
Angel: Are we out of booze?
The bell rings and immediately Osland rolls out of the ring and to the party tables. Spike charges Myo and decks him with the briefcase and begins just wailing away with the case on the ribs of the X*Crown champion. Adrien decides to #Believe in the cake and rolls out the opposite side as Osland. Adrien took some heavy damage early on but also had nearly fifteen minutes to rest compared to 9 for Ox, 8 for Myo and 3 for Spike. He comes up behind Osland and smears cupcake in the face of the ReVenant.
Osland: *Licking his lips* Hmm … how is it Mongo paid top bucks and the congratulations cupcakes Death Trap got us are better?
Adrien shrugs. They then grapple. Osland gets the advantage and drags Adrien across the table, smearing the true believer in ranch dressing and veggie bits. Adrien spins behind him and whips Ox to the other table where he crashes into it and spills various cups of water all over himself. Adrien charges in but Ox trips him and sends him face first into the punch bowl. Spike has thrown his briefcase to the ground and rolled out of the ring, leaving MYŌJIN laying in the ring, clutching their ribs. Adrien is swallowing lots of punch … if he isn’t careful he’ll be as sloshed as Randy Angel. Spike comes up from behind and Ox lets Adrien up in time to dodge the charge. Spike skids to a stop and grabs Adrien and slams his head into the bowl of ice cream. He pulls him out and runs him across and slams him into the potato salad. Ox chop blocks the back of the legs of the brawler from hell. Adrien gasps for breath and tries to clear his eyes of mayonnaise and his stubble of ice cream.
Angel: I don’t like the sundae Spike made. Looks yucky.
Hawke: Adrien agrees. Bet he wishes he had a hot bowl of gumbo now!
Osland bounces Spike’s face off the table then grabs one of the small wooden chairs placed at the tables. He breaks it over the back of the spiked one. Adrien climbs onto the table. Oxford pulls Spike back and tosses him at the table allowing Adrien to connect with the Crescent City Connection, with added power from that vibranium knee brace! Spike collapses holding his now busted open jaw. As soon as Adrien stands, the Cajun Sensation is met with a stiff running hook clothesline from Osland. Osland hauls him to his feet and wastes no time. The SWAT TV Champ puts Adrien through the table with a Saito Suplex! A bunch of hors d’oeuvres collapse onto the fallen Guardian (but not the kind from Cleveland).
Angel: Aw man, how did they manage to break the CATERING table before the Spanish Announce table?
Hawke: I mean … when you put it that way …
Ox taunts to the crowd and turns to see Spike slowly climbing to his feet, blood gushing from his chin, face of pure rage. He charges but the resourceful revenant grabs his trophy and brains Spike with it. He puts Spike’s face into the cup of the … cup … and slams it off the ramp sending the blood god reeling. Osland shouts about the fans asking are they not entertained? The answer is a whipping. A loud lashing sound echoes throughout the arena. Osland crumples as he now has the engraving of the belt part of a title dented into his ribs. MYŌJIN stands over him and uses their weapon as a whip to lash the two men in front of them. Spike and Osland crawl to get away. Myo steps to the top of the table with the desserts and leaps off with a standing moonsault onto Osland, following it up with a standing shooting star press to Spike. The Shining Star nurses their knees from the impact of both moves on the metal ramp. The other competitors all favor their ribs and spines. A flash of light!
Angel: WHOA! The candles just lit up!
Hawke: Look it’s Adrien! He has one of those long grill matches and he’s got half the candles lit.
Sure enough the other half all catch on fire soon enough from the heat of the ten lit candles. Adrien smiles as he reaches for the leaf blower. Only he is greeted by a shot from the title belt to the back of the head. His face falls into the cake, adding another layer of sugar and confection to his already dirty head. Myo pulls him away from the cake and rolls him down the ramp. Looking at the cake with a lust never seen in a competitor for a fake cake before, the Shining Star lifts up the Leaf Blower. They pull the cord! … Then again! Then a third time.
Hawke: Did Mongo remember to pay for gasoline?
Angel: Ah those things are ALWAYS finicky. It’s prime time wasting cliché territory! *URP*
As Randy sips from a two foot tall goblet of sake bomb, MYŌJIN finally gets the leaf blower working with the help of a ringside technician. They turn it onto the candles. Two down, four down, six down. Suddenly Myo is tackled to the ground by Oxford Osland. The SWAT representative holds his ribs in agony as he pounces and tries to pry the leaf blower from Myo. Myo does not let it go. The candles relight themselves. The blower being torqued around puts out 3 candles … Osland yanks on it … 6 candles … Myo yanks it upwards, 8 candles! Suddenly Spike climbs to his feet. He shouts and raises his arms as his eyes almost glow red. The flames BLAST with incredible intensity, all 8 candles relight, and the flames knock over the Shining Star and the Telenovela star! Osland rolls around to avoid burns but the hair of the champion is alight. They sprint down the ramp … BLOODY SUNDAY! MYŌJIN lands next to a table and Spike mercifully dumps the punch bowl onto the champ, extinguishing the inferno.
Hawke: Did you know he could summon fire?
Angel: HELL fire Joey. It’s important to make the distinction or the ghost cats will be angry.
Spike slowly hobbles his way up the ramp. He grabs the cake and yanks it. The entire apparatus slowly rolls down the ramp. He then pushes it up next to the stage, away from the other competitors. Spike looks around but the leaf blower is gone. He tries to blow out the candles with his breath. After a few tries, we all realize that isn’t going to work. Suddenly the candles closest to the stage start to go out. Spike looks up to see Adrien holding the leaf blower on the stage! Spike grabs his briefcase and throws it, knocking the leaf blower out of Adrien’s hands. Adrien looks around. He then tries to blow out the candles with his breath, too. The candles relight.
Hawke: When the man from hell couldn’t do it, why did you think you could?
Angel: Did you forget the alcohol he was drowning in earlier?
Spike gets the leafblower. Suddenly the leafblower is grabbed by Osland! As they fight the blower aims at the cake. 18 candles are out when MYŌJIN leaps in front of the blower! He lands on the candles and all 20 are out!
Bonnie Jenkins: Um… all 20 candles are extinguished … by um … help from everyone? So … it’s a three way tie?
Mongo: HOLD ON HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! BONNIE DON’T YOU CALL THIS MATCH!
Mongo the Destroyer steps out onto the stage. Spike leaps onto the ramp to argue with the bossman but Mongo tells him to calm down. Mongo signals to the crew and the candles are relit!
Mongo: As I was saying … Spike … This is the 20th birthday celebration. There is no way we are ending on a draw. What kind of owner would I be to allow that? I HATE draws! I would rather die than have a draw in my main events!
Angel: … really? R U SERIOUS BRO? Right now? Really?
Hawke: Just … let him go, this time it’ll work in our favor.
Mongo: No no, SOMEONE will win this new match! Now all four of you get BACK in there and kill each other for my amusement!
Mongo sits in one of the lounge chairs to take in the activity, grabbing a cupcake as he does. Myo and Osland immediately begin to brawl over the leaf blower. Spike marches up the stage and confronts Adrien. Adrien smiles at him and points to his soggy shirt, which still says #Believe. Spike smiles … then hits a headbutt. He tries for a Bloody Sunday but Adrien forward rolls under the leg. MYŌJIN gets the leaf blower and turns it into Osland’s face. His lips flap in the breeze but he is able to grab the end and direct it at the candles. As five .. .six …. Seven go out … Spike sees what is happening and almost ends up in the fire as Adrien dropkicks him in the back. The Belfast brawler manages to catch himself. Adrien charges to finish the job but Spike pops him up and spins sending him off the stage and THROUGH THE CAKE! A loud metal CRUNCH is heard as the entire cake dents in and we hear what sounds like gas leaking.
Hawke: BLOOD GOD’S WRATH
Angel: IT’S GONNA BLOW!
Everyone takes cover … the cake makes a loud fart noise and the gas sputters out around Adrien as the candles die.
Mongo: SONUVA! I don’t go into YOUR house … in hell … and break YOUR new toys. Well how are we supposed to finish this match now?
Medics run out to tend to Adrien. Mongo ponders before he raises a finger! He summons out a stage hand who brings out 2 large ladders.
Mongo: When I saw the violent people in this match I assumed this might happen. So I had a backup plan. LOWER THE CAKE!
A standard cake, chocolate with vanilla icing, “Happy Birfday XWF” written on it, is lowerd on a platform hanging where they hang the objects of ladder matches. Mongo coughs in frustration.
Mongo: Incompetant people at the bakery, no time to fix it… ANYHOW! The new goal is to be the first to climb the ladder … and EAT some of THAT cake! You three! GO!
Hawke: Well this is very interesting. Spike, MYŌJIN, and Osland all now compete in a ladder match for the X*Crown title!
Angel: And Cake! Don’t forget cake.
The X*Crown and TV Champions sprint towards the ring, each grabbing a ladder. They end up jousting with the ladders for a few seconds. Suddenly, Spike comes barreling down the ramp and grabs the ends of both ladders and pushes them apart. He then pulls them together causing each other fighter to run into their own ladder. The ladders fall and Spike charges in. He clotheslines both foes! With ladder in hand he climbs into the ring. He sets the ladder up. He only gets two steps in before Osland has his ankle. He yanks Spike off the ladder and down into the Cattle Mutilation!
Hawke: AGONY OF DEFEAT!
MYŌJIN takes advantage of this to sprint into the ring and leap onto the ladder. Osland breaks the hold and sprints up the other side of the ladder. The two fighters send punches at each other. Osland gets the advantage and slams the face of the shining star off the top of the ladder. Myo skids down the ladder. Spike stands up and begins to shake the ladder, using his leg to shove the champ away. Osland however rocks the ladder to the side throwing Spike off balance. Myo climbs up behind Osland as he steps higher. He throws punches at the champ who returns the favor. Spike comes up underneath Myo and now Myo sits on his shoulders, and Osland on theirs. Spike falls backward with a tower of doom, electric chair drop! Osland crashes onto the ropes, back first, and tumbles from the ring. MYŌJIN slams hard on the mat.
Angel: HOLY SHIT! Osland may be dead!
Hawke: Spike is all alone!
Spike is slow to his feet, stretching his shoulders from the hold and the last move. He slowly climbs the ladder, shaking out his arms. He reaches up and tries to pull the cake down! But it is tied tight. Spike looks around. Suddenly a hand reaches through the ladder and grabs the leg of Spike. They pull him down two rungs. Spike punches through the ladder. Myo stumbles and drops to the floor. Spike drops to the floor and grabs the champ. He pulls him up for the Spike Impaler! But the Shining Star gabs the ladder and prevents the drop. They somehow manage to tangle their legs on the upper rungs and pull free from the grasp of Spike. Spike looks up in time to see Myo grab the upper rung and swing their legs down with a swinging dropkick! Spike’s head bounces off the ladder and he drops to the mat. As he shakes out the cobwebs he looks up to see … MYŌJIN shoveling a huge handful of cake into their mouth!
DING DING DING!
Angel: THEY DID IT! THEY RETAINED THE TITLE!
Hawke: WHAT A CRAZY MATCH!
Bonnie Jenkins: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! YOUR WINNER … AND STILL X*CROWN CHAMPION … MYŌJIN!!
Myo holds their hands high and celebrates! The fans go nuts. Spike sits on the mat looking at the ladder. He gives a nod of respect. Knowing the belt is still in his home fed has Spike accepting this more readily than usual. Myojin continues to celebrate as Night of Champions 12 goes off the air.
