Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Sept 6, 2024 18:18:09 GMT -5
*When we fade in the entire crew is together. We see Lord Dominicus hanging out in the back, his WUK World Championship clearly on display on his shoulder. Flanking the sides of the shot on either side are Dinosaur Bones and Big Bone. In the center…on a music stand…is a tablet PC with Star Trekker.*
LD: YES, BEHOLD!
*He acts like he’s frothing and then he drags his hand across his mask for some reason that’s never really explained.*
Trekker: We are Dominicus-Gun and at Legacy 29 one of the members of ODB- Oblivion Death Bones, obviously along with the GREAT DOM- gah- cut.
*She chokes a little bit.*
Trekker: I think I just threw up a little in my mouth there. Who wrote this?
*Dominicus stops around to go yell at a piece of machinery with a hanger-on’s face projected on it.*
LD: This is called satire. It’s art! Also I’m low-key hoping that by imitating ODS it’ll soften them up because imitation is a form of flattery. Now just read your lines like I told you. We were just getting to the part where Big Bone speaks his incomprehensible language.
BB: I speak Spanish.
DB: ALL OF YOUR FLESHLY SCREECHES SOUND THE SAME TO ME.
BB: I don’t want to be that guy, but doesn’t this all seem really familiar?
LD: Yeah well it should, we’re lampooning Donzig-gun.
Trekker: No, I see what BB is saying now. Yeah, it does seem kind of on-the-nose.
LD: What? What are you guys talking about?
DB: ARE YOU SAYING YOU CAN’T RECOGNIZE THE SIMILARITIES?
LD: I’m not following. What other groups are there that are run by a demented man in a mask with cockamamie and unclear plans for domination? What other brooding leader is constantly flanked by two massive heavies with strange speech quirks? What group features a woman who seems to be just as insane as the rest for voluntarily sticking around with this guy who clearly seems to barely tolerate her presence but lets her talk an inordinate amount considering that- again- she doesn’t really do anything except leech on their resources?
BB: Guys I think he really doesn’t see it.
Trekker: Wow, when he puts it like that I kind of feel bad too.
LD: What are you guys talking about?
BB: Creo que necesito hacer un examen de conciencia.
*Big Bone walks off camera.*
Trekker: He said you’re an idiot and a dick.
BB (Offscreen): THAT’S NOT WHAT THAT MEANS! But...
DB: THIS IS BORING, I COULD BE EATING RIGHT NOW.
*Off stomps the dinosaur. As WUK’s VANTABLACK SAVIOR looks to the screen the Star Trekker looks off to the side.*
Trekker: Oh? Bud..zz? You want to drink? SURE! Sorry guys, gotta go!
LD: OH COME ON! You don’t even li-
*She signs off. Dominicus is left alone. He pouts under his mask.*
*Back at it again we find Lord Dominicus and Big Bone back-to-back with their arms cross and wearing baseball caps in various directions that aren’t straightforward (so like back or to the side or slightly askew).*
LD: Yo! Lemme break this down for you in a a way you’ll understand, Oblivion Death Fools. Come Legacy 29 we’ll be facing off. But if you think we give a crap you’ve got another thing coming!
BB: Si!
LD: Yeah, see! See here, we don’t actually have anything to lose. We can play around and make you look like FOOLS without any real repercussions. See it’s different when the goal is to win a match with something at stake. But for Big Bone and I there’s only one thing we’re in this to do- cock-block you. And nobody blocks cocks like Bad to the Bone!
*Audible groans can be heard off-screen from what sounds like a woman and a dracolich. Big Bone ignores this and takes over.*
BB: Puede que seáis unas perras enormes, ¡pero el tamaño no importa! Yo también soy grande. Así que, en realidad, el problema del tamaño es solo para Lord Dominicus. EL PUNTO ES QUE, no importa lo grande que seáis, si no tenéis habilidad, no podéis complacer a una mujer ni podéis ganar un partido. ¿Mi amiga y yo? Tenemos las habilidades para pagar las cuentas y os vamos a empujar de nuevo a la oscuridad, donde pertenecéis.
*Dominicus jumps down in front while flashing a fake gang sign.*
LD: YEAAAAH BOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIII!
*SMASH CUT to Lord Dominicus sitting at a large oak desk. The WUK World Championship is neatly on display as he dips a quill in ink and begins to pen something.*
*Dominicus puts the feathered pen down.*
LD: Ooooooohhhhhhhhh. Now I get it.
*He scratches his head a moment while thinking. Then he returns to writing.*
*Our BLACKEST OF WRITERS puts the pen down and nods to himself.*
LD: Yes, I am a genius. This should work perfectly.
*Fade out.*
LD: YES, BEHOLD!
*He acts like he’s frothing and then he drags his hand across his mask for some reason that’s never really explained.*
Trekker: We are Dominicus-Gun and at Legacy 29 one of the members of ODB- Oblivion Death Bones, obviously along with the GREAT DOM- gah- cut.
*She chokes a little bit.*
Trekker: I think I just threw up a little in my mouth there. Who wrote this?
*Dominicus stops around to go yell at a piece of machinery with a hanger-on’s face projected on it.*
LD: This is called satire. It’s art! Also I’m low-key hoping that by imitating ODS it’ll soften them up because imitation is a form of flattery. Now just read your lines like I told you. We were just getting to the part where Big Bone speaks his incomprehensible language.
BB: I speak Spanish.
DB: ALL OF YOUR FLESHLY SCREECHES SOUND THE SAME TO ME.
BB: I don’t want to be that guy, but doesn’t this all seem really familiar?
LD: Yeah well it should, we’re lampooning Donzig-gun.
Trekker: No, I see what BB is saying now. Yeah, it does seem kind of on-the-nose.
LD: What? What are you guys talking about?
DB: ARE YOU SAYING YOU CAN’T RECOGNIZE THE SIMILARITIES?
LD: I’m not following. What other groups are there that are run by a demented man in a mask with cockamamie and unclear plans for domination? What other brooding leader is constantly flanked by two massive heavies with strange speech quirks? What group features a woman who seems to be just as insane as the rest for voluntarily sticking around with this guy who clearly seems to barely tolerate her presence but lets her talk an inordinate amount considering that- again- she doesn’t really do anything except leech on their resources?
BB: Guys I think he really doesn’t see it.
Trekker: Wow, when he puts it like that I kind of feel bad too.
LD: What are you guys talking about?
BB: Creo que necesito hacer un examen de conciencia.
*Big Bone walks off camera.*
Trekker: He said you’re an idiot and a dick.
BB (Offscreen): THAT’S NOT WHAT THAT MEANS! But...
DB: THIS IS BORING, I COULD BE EATING RIGHT NOW.
*Off stomps the dinosaur. As WUK’s VANTABLACK SAVIOR looks to the screen the Star Trekker looks off to the side.*
Trekker: Oh? Bud..zz? You want to drink? SURE! Sorry guys, gotta go!
LD: OH COME ON! You don’t even li-
*She signs off. Dominicus is left alone. He pouts under his mask.*
*Back at it again we find Lord Dominicus and Big Bone back-to-back with their arms cross and wearing baseball caps in various directions that aren’t straightforward (so like back or to the side or slightly askew).*
LD: Yo! Lemme break this down for you in a a way you’ll understand, Oblivion Death Fools. Come Legacy 29 we’ll be facing off. But if you think we give a crap you’ve got another thing coming!
BB: Si!
LD: Yeah, see! See here, we don’t actually have anything to lose. We can play around and make you look like FOOLS without any real repercussions. See it’s different when the goal is to win a match with something at stake. But for Big Bone and I there’s only one thing we’re in this to do- cock-block you. And nobody blocks cocks like Bad to the Bone!
*Audible groans can be heard off-screen from what sounds like a woman and a dracolich. Big Bone ignores this and takes over.*
BB: Puede que seáis unas perras enormes, ¡pero el tamaño no importa! Yo también soy grande. Así que, en realidad, el problema del tamaño es solo para Lord Dominicus. EL PUNTO ES QUE, no importa lo grande que seáis, si no tenéis habilidad, no podéis complacer a una mujer ni podéis ganar un partido. ¿Mi amiga y yo? Tenemos las habilidades para pagar las cuentas y os vamos a empujar de nuevo a la oscuridad, donde pertenecéis.
*Dominicus jumps down in front while flashing a fake gang sign.*
LD: YEAAAAH BOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIII!
*SMASH CUT to Lord Dominicus sitting at a large oak desk. The WUK World Championship is neatly on display as he dips a quill in ink and begins to pen something.*
My Dearest Oblivion Death Squad,
Whilst I understand your hesitancy to turn against your master, it seems incumbent to me to point out that he is a blunderbuss and a cad. Your master, the one referred as Donzig, styles himself as some sort of big power in Wrestle: United Kingdom but who is that particular company’s champion right now?
It’s me. In case you didn’t know. Sure, your fribble leader may claim to be the X*Crown Champion, and records may agree with him, but what does that actually mean? That he beat Death Trap? Mistress Discipline does that every week. And although she is a woman of intimidating size, do you really feel that cowering to a man of her ilk is your lot in life?
Rather, my compatriots in the circle that has been squared I request upon you to forestall your attempts at reclaiming the WUK Tag Team Championships at current. Rather, rise up against your deluded master. The bigger of you can likely easily eat the parasitic woman that seems to be in his thrall…
Whilst I understand your hesitancy to turn against your master, it seems incumbent to me to point out that he is a blunderbuss and a cad. Your master, the one referred as Donzig, styles himself as some sort of big power in Wrestle: United Kingdom but who is that particular company’s champion right now?
It’s me. In case you didn’t know. Sure, your fribble leader may claim to be the X*Crown Champion, and records may agree with him, but what does that actually mean? That he beat Death Trap? Mistress Discipline does that every week. And although she is a woman of intimidating size, do you really feel that cowering to a man of her ilk is your lot in life?
Rather, my compatriots in the circle that has been squared I request upon you to forestall your attempts at reclaiming the WUK Tag Team Championships at current. Rather, rise up against your deluded master. The bigger of you can likely easily eat the parasitic woman that seems to be in his thrall…
*Dominicus puts the feathered pen down.*
LD: Ooooooohhhhhhhhh. Now I get it.
*He scratches his head a moment while thinking. Then he returns to writing.*
Excuse that flight of fancy. Anyway, forthwith I am calling up on you to end this farce that is your place in Donzig-Gun and show that although you cannot speak the languages of men that you can indeed defend your own dignity against a grumbletonian and skinflint like Donzig.
And the best way you can do that? No-show our match at Legacy 29. I assure you, my compatriot Big Bone and myself will not feel any ill will if you are summarily counted out for not attending the conflict. Enjoy yourselves at home. Make a succulent ham dish, or perhaps some Spanish cuisine. I dare not judge therefore I will not. But don’t come on September 16th.
Hopefully to Never See You Again,
Lord Dominicus, WUK World Champion.
And the best way you can do that? No-show our match at Legacy 29. I assure you, my compatriot Big Bone and myself will not feel any ill will if you are summarily counted out for not attending the conflict. Enjoy yourselves at home. Make a succulent ham dish, or perhaps some Spanish cuisine. I dare not judge therefore I will not. But don’t come on September 16th.
Hopefully to Never See You Again,
Lord Dominicus, WUK World Champion.
*Our BLACKEST OF WRITERS puts the pen down and nods to himself.*
LD: Yes, I am a genius. This should work perfectly.
*Fade out.*
