Lawful Evil: Finder's Keepers (EoD PPV)
Oct 22, 2021 18:55:22 GMT -5
bloodiedfox, mosler, and 1 more like this
Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Oct 22, 2021 18:55:22 GMT -5
(OOC: The links are just for people who enjoy the story and want related content, you don't need to click them for context as everything is covered within the promo)
*The camera opens on a friendly fall day in the wilds of suburban Canada. Somewhat off of the beaten path several police officers scour a murder scene for clues, including frequent DominiGuest Stars Theresa Beckett and Jim Lastnamenotrevealed, the lead detectives on the Holiday Horror serial killer case. The only person not looking around it would seem is the DARK LORD OF THE XHF NETWORK, Lord Domiminicus. He looks at the camera.*
LD: Ah, look where we find ourselves! Out in Newfoundland-
Jim: We’re in Ontario, jackass
LD: …I’M CREATING A MOTIF! UGH!
*He shakes his head*
LD: Here we are, spending hours upon hours in the increasingly cold weather trying to find some traces that’ll lead us to find out who has been murdering released sexual offenders. These PITIFUL FOOLS have found nothing of import. Meanwhile I, LORD DOMINICUS, am amazing at finding things and have stumbled upon probably the biggest break in this case yet!
*Everyone looks up*
Beckett: Wait, what?
LD: Hold on, I’m getting to it.
Finders Keepers
*Ignoring the curiosity of his chilled and frustrated colleagues, Dominicus continues to slowly make his way through the crime scene and talk to the camera.*
LD: You see Bloodied Fox- if that is your real name; I am excellent at finding things. I found my way into a Cruiserweight Championship match last year; I found a way to win it despite not being on the other competitor’s radar. I then found myself as the NPW Cruiserweight Champion for over six months. And the XHF Network found its DARKEST STAR!
*He poses for a few moments*
LD: But that’s not all I found. I found a way to take down the feared Eric Dane in such a way that he was never the same afterwards. I found myself carrying a company for an entire year. And….then I found myself unemployed… Uh, I’d like to think that one was sort of thrust upon me.
*There’s a pause while he sorts that one out in his head.*
LD: And now, my near-hairless fox fiend friend, I find myself against you. And I did it through my amazing finding skills. After all, I found a loophole to let me into what should be a fed-sponsored title shot. I found an effective strategy for overcoming my racing opponents. I found the fortitude to endure super hot peppers. And I helped everyone else find out that I’m much MUCH smarter than Adrien Cochrane as I forced him to drink delicious milk! SUCH ARE THE EXPLOITS OF A PREMIUM FINDER LIKE ME!
Jim: So are you going to tell us what you found?
*Dominicus tenses up from this interruption*
LD: Dang it! Would you hold on? I’m not done yet. Guy can’t even appreciate an evil lord’s art.
*Several groans are heard from the other officers. He shakes it off*
LD: But you see Fox that’s not all that I’ve found. Oh no. I found out that our match is right up my wheelhouse because it’s a hidden weapon match. A match that requires that we FIND a special weapon. Now personally I’m not a very violent wrestler and I know you’ve been through a lot of “extreme” matches but a stipulation is just that and we will have to find our way through the match regardless.
*We do a quick cut to the lead detectives as they dust themselves off since apparently LD has found something that negates their need to continue looking at a horribly mangled body*
Jim: I swear if he says “find” one more-
Beckett: Shh, let him do his thing, I think he actually has something
*Back to Dominicus*
LD: And that’s the end of it, right? Me, the GREATEST CHAMPION OF 2021, the (former) TRIPLE CROWN CHAMPION up against the machine that has been cutting a swath through the Network’s junior heavyweights? The supposed vulpine that has had the odds stacked against him for most of this year and yet somehow always manages to come out with his skin intact and his tail exceedingly bushy. Two masters of their crafts finally coming face to face in what is probably the most balanced battle of the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship so far, right?
*He holds up a finger and wags it*
LD: Oh no. No, no, no. You see Mr. Clearly-not-bloody-at-all; I’ve also found your weakness. I’ve discovered your greatest flaw. I have uncovered that which will rend all of your usual strategies and all of your defenses useless. Because I am THAT good at finding things. In fact, I’ve uncovered your secret weakness so thoroughly that it’ll be on display in grand fashion during our match. So, to avoid the embarrassment that I intend to inflict by revealing that which you’ve hidden away for years- I suggest you just come out with it.
*We get the oft-asked-for DominiThink*
LD: That’s right Fox. I want a fair fight. And to that end I’m giving you the opportunity to reveal to all of your fans your greatest weakness- that which I’ve discovered and will lay out to the whole world in our match as I make clear through wrestling what your Achilles heel is. Go on, just fess up to it now before I expose you for what you are.
*He nods and gestures with his hand.*
LD: Well, go on then. Tell everyone what it is that makes you less like a clever fox and more like a harmless fox pup, looking up to the GREATEST THREAT TO YOUR EXISTENCE! Go ahead! I’ll wait till Halloween when we lock up. But you may as well face it now and reveal to the public- not me of course; I already found out- what it is that reduces you to nothing. Only then can you really face me.
*The JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CONTENDER points to the camera. Then shifts his focus as he points to his fellow investigators.*
LD: You there! Heed my supreme finding skills and look upon my discovery!
*Lord Dominicus then walks a few steps to the right and we find a bush. He then stomps the bush down and behind it is….a large fat guy?*
LFG: Son of a-
LD: Wait, you look familiar. Aren’t you that elf that lives at Santa’s house?
LFG: I am Santa, dang it! I can see your detective skills are about as good as your evil villain ones.
LD: Yes, they’re excellent.
*The formerly large fat guy (I mean I guess he’s still all those things) groans and stands up.*
Jim: Who the [censored] are you and why are you here!?
*Dominicus jumps into the verbal fray*
LD: I can field that one! This is Santa’s helper! And-
Beckett: And he’s getting away!
*Indeed the heavyset man has taken off, however before anyone can react he’s already slowed down and grabbed his leg.*
Santa: Ah! Charley horse! Screw it.
*He returns to the scene of the crime.*
Santa: Stupid legs sitting there for hours waiting for you guys to leave… I'm the local mall Santa for Mississauga- as well as other costumed characters for the various holidays. I am also a true crime buff and amateur detective.
Beckett: How do you know Lord Dominicus?
LD: He was of the utmost importance in helping me to forge the Ebony Stones into the Midnight Gauntlet.
*Visible confusion from everyone*
Santa: I helped him get his evil mojo back or something.
*He seems a little ashamed, but not for helping LD. His shame is that he boiled down the wrestler’s great quest to something so silly in order to translate. And he looks apologetically at Lord Dominicus in the process.*
Beckett: Well, we still need you to come down to the station as a person of interest. Maybe your findings can help us.
*Theresa is a trained detective and knows that even if Santa Claus is a prime suspect that he needs to be handled gently lest he try to run again and hurt his ankle or something. Er, I mean get a lawyer. She goes to discuss details with the rotund holiday cosplayer while Jim approaches our protagonist.*
Jim: Holy crap, LD, you actually found the biggest break in the case in months. Maybe I was wrong about you. You might actually be of use in this case.
*He claps the DARK LORD on the back and walks off. Dominicus points to him*
LD: HA! Suck it, Jim!
*And then to the camera.*
LD: And suck it Bloodied Fox! I’ve already found your weakness- which you should totally tell everyone- AND I’ll find the weapon in our match and use it to gain my victory! And the only thing you’ll find is yourself, a former XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion. For I am Lord Dominicus, the EVILEST FINDER OF THEM ALL! MUHUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*The camera fades as he evilly laughs at his (maybe) soon to be greatest victory.*
*The camera opens on a friendly fall day in the wilds of suburban Canada. Somewhat off of the beaten path several police officers scour a murder scene for clues, including frequent DominiGuest Stars Theresa Beckett and Jim Lastnamenotrevealed, the lead detectives on the Holiday Horror serial killer case. The only person not looking around it would seem is the DARK LORD OF THE XHF NETWORK, Lord Domiminicus. He looks at the camera.*
LD: Ah, look where we find ourselves! Out in Newfoundland-
Jim: We’re in Ontario, jackass
LD: …I’M CREATING A MOTIF! UGH!
*He shakes his head*
LD: Here we are, spending hours upon hours in the increasingly cold weather trying to find some traces that’ll lead us to find out who has been murdering released sexual offenders. These PITIFUL FOOLS have found nothing of import. Meanwhile I, LORD DOMINICUS, am amazing at finding things and have stumbled upon probably the biggest break in this case yet!
*Everyone looks up*
Beckett: Wait, what?
LD: Hold on, I’m getting to it.
Finders Keepers
*Ignoring the curiosity of his chilled and frustrated colleagues, Dominicus continues to slowly make his way through the crime scene and talk to the camera.*
LD: You see Bloodied Fox- if that is your real name; I am excellent at finding things. I found my way into a Cruiserweight Championship match last year; I found a way to win it despite not being on the other competitor’s radar. I then found myself as the NPW Cruiserweight Champion for over six months. And the XHF Network found its DARKEST STAR!
*He poses for a few moments*
LD: But that’s not all I found. I found a way to take down the feared Eric Dane in such a way that he was never the same afterwards. I found myself carrying a company for an entire year. And….then I found myself unemployed… Uh, I’d like to think that one was sort of thrust upon me.
*There’s a pause while he sorts that one out in his head.*
LD: And now, my near-hairless fox fiend friend, I find myself against you. And I did it through my amazing finding skills. After all, I found a loophole to let me into what should be a fed-sponsored title shot. I found an effective strategy for overcoming my racing opponents. I found the fortitude to endure super hot peppers. And I helped everyone else find out that I’m much MUCH smarter than Adrien Cochrane as I forced him to drink delicious milk! SUCH ARE THE EXPLOITS OF A PREMIUM FINDER LIKE ME!
Jim: So are you going to tell us what you found?
*Dominicus tenses up from this interruption*
LD: Dang it! Would you hold on? I’m not done yet. Guy can’t even appreciate an evil lord’s art.
*Several groans are heard from the other officers. He shakes it off*
LD: But you see Fox that’s not all that I’ve found. Oh no. I found out that our match is right up my wheelhouse because it’s a hidden weapon match. A match that requires that we FIND a special weapon. Now personally I’m not a very violent wrestler and I know you’ve been through a lot of “extreme” matches but a stipulation is just that and we will have to find our way through the match regardless.
*We do a quick cut to the lead detectives as they dust themselves off since apparently LD has found something that negates their need to continue looking at a horribly mangled body*
Jim: I swear if he says “find” one more-
Beckett: Shh, let him do his thing, I think he actually has something
*Back to Dominicus*
LD: And that’s the end of it, right? Me, the GREATEST CHAMPION OF 2021, the (former) TRIPLE CROWN CHAMPION up against the machine that has been cutting a swath through the Network’s junior heavyweights? The supposed vulpine that has had the odds stacked against him for most of this year and yet somehow always manages to come out with his skin intact and his tail exceedingly bushy. Two masters of their crafts finally coming face to face in what is probably the most balanced battle of the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship so far, right?
*He holds up a finger and wags it*
LD: Oh no. No, no, no. You see Mr. Clearly-not-bloody-at-all; I’ve also found your weakness. I’ve discovered your greatest flaw. I have uncovered that which will rend all of your usual strategies and all of your defenses useless. Because I am THAT good at finding things. In fact, I’ve uncovered your secret weakness so thoroughly that it’ll be on display in grand fashion during our match. So, to avoid the embarrassment that I intend to inflict by revealing that which you’ve hidden away for years- I suggest you just come out with it.
*We get the oft-asked-for DominiThink*
LD: That’s right Fox. I want a fair fight. And to that end I’m giving you the opportunity to reveal to all of your fans your greatest weakness- that which I’ve discovered and will lay out to the whole world in our match as I make clear through wrestling what your Achilles heel is. Go on, just fess up to it now before I expose you for what you are.
*He nods and gestures with his hand.*
LD: Well, go on then. Tell everyone what it is that makes you less like a clever fox and more like a harmless fox pup, looking up to the GREATEST THREAT TO YOUR EXISTENCE! Go ahead! I’ll wait till Halloween when we lock up. But you may as well face it now and reveal to the public- not me of course; I already found out- what it is that reduces you to nothing. Only then can you really face me.
*The JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CONTENDER points to the camera. Then shifts his focus as he points to his fellow investigators.*
LD: You there! Heed my supreme finding skills and look upon my discovery!
*Lord Dominicus then walks a few steps to the right and we find a bush. He then stomps the bush down and behind it is….a large fat guy?*
LFG: Son of a-
LD: Wait, you look familiar. Aren’t you that elf that lives at Santa’s house?
LFG: I am Santa, dang it! I can see your detective skills are about as good as your evil villain ones.
LD: Yes, they’re excellent.
*The formerly large fat guy (I mean I guess he’s still all those things) groans and stands up.*
Jim: Who the [censored] are you and why are you here!?
*Dominicus jumps into the verbal fray*
LD: I can field that one! This is Santa’s helper! And-
Beckett: And he’s getting away!
*Indeed the heavyset man has taken off, however before anyone can react he’s already slowed down and grabbed his leg.*
Santa: Ah! Charley horse! Screw it.
*He returns to the scene of the crime.*
Santa: Stupid legs sitting there for hours waiting for you guys to leave… I'm the local mall Santa for Mississauga- as well as other costumed characters for the various holidays. I am also a true crime buff and amateur detective.
Beckett: How do you know Lord Dominicus?
LD: He was of the utmost importance in helping me to forge the Ebony Stones into the Midnight Gauntlet.
*Visible confusion from everyone*
Santa: I helped him get his evil mojo back or something.
*He seems a little ashamed, but not for helping LD. His shame is that he boiled down the wrestler’s great quest to something so silly in order to translate. And he looks apologetically at Lord Dominicus in the process.*
Beckett: Well, we still need you to come down to the station as a person of interest. Maybe your findings can help us.
*Theresa is a trained detective and knows that even if Santa Claus is a prime suspect that he needs to be handled gently lest he try to run again and hurt his ankle or something. Er, I mean get a lawyer. She goes to discuss details with the rotund holiday cosplayer while Jim approaches our protagonist.*
Jim: Holy crap, LD, you actually found the biggest break in the case in months. Maybe I was wrong about you. You might actually be of use in this case.
*He claps the DARK LORD on the back and walks off. Dominicus points to him*
LD: HA! Suck it, Jim!
*And then to the camera.*
LD: And suck it Bloodied Fox! I’ve already found your weakness- which you should totally tell everyone- AND I’ll find the weapon in our match and use it to gain my victory! And the only thing you’ll find is yourself, a former XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion. For I am Lord Dominicus, the EVILEST FINDER OF THEM ALL! MUHUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*The camera fades as he evilly laughs at his (maybe) soon to be greatest victory.*