The XHF Network Presents: A Night to Remember
Mar 17, 2024 17:58:22 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Venom 🕷, and 11 more like this
Post by Dave D-Flipz on Mar 17, 2024 17:58:22 GMT -5
The XHF Network Presents...
A Night To Remember
A special event honoring those who went before us
Date: March 17th, 2024
Location: The XHF Arena in Minneapolis, MN
Capacity: 32,000
Sponsored by Zalowka
"It's got VODKA and BANANA in the bottle!"
A Night To Remember
A special event honoring those who went before us
Date: March 17th, 2024
Location: The XHF Arena in Minneapolis, MN
Capacity: 32,000
Sponsored by Zalowka
"It's got VODKA and BANANA in the bottle!"
The camera pans around the outside of the XHF HQ Arena in Minneapolis. There is a bitter wind chill in the air as we see the fans pouring into the arena just an hour ago. The camera pulls through the ticket booth at ten times speed and we zip over to concessions where all patrons (of age) are grabbing a selection of whiskey, vodka, etc. The cups are of course collector’s cups celebrating the men that the show is in honor of. We zip forward at advanced speed again as we watch the crowds begin to stuff the XHF HQ Arena and move through the lobby. There are memorials, containing stats and highlights, at every video kiosk dotting the long circular hallway that leads you to your assigned seating section. We move over to the merchandise stand where everything is in celebration of the men being memorialized. There is some standard XHF Network stuff but most of it is about the people celebrated. Tommy Strychnine guitar picks, Steve Awesome wigs, Shitstorm on VHS (look we tried to get blu-ray but it’s such a niche property…), Vodka Fizz beersteins, Cliff Clinton? T-shirts, and of course – a book of every review ever written by Tuna Meltzer. We watch at high speed as we approach the time of the show as the merch flies and money pours in, to be donated to the families of the men. As we approach the current time, the feed slows down … we see some of the combatants from the show move past the camera and chat with fans before continuing to the locker room. Finally as the camera catches up to now – the screen fades …
Hawke: Ladies and gentlemen … it is with heavy hearts that we welcome you here tonight to the XHF Arena in Minneapolis. 32,000 fans have poured in for this special event and we are glad you could join us even if the circumstances merit tears.
Randy: This is such a somber event that I’m only two beers deep! We at the XHF Network are here with heavy hearts to bring you a celebration of some of our own who have unfortunately left before their time.
Hawke: We have an action-packed show in honor of the fallen here tonight. Tag matches, Trios matches, crazy gimmicks … all in honor of the fallen. So without further ado …
The camera fades back in on the two commentators, all in black, heads down and on their feet. As the lights in the arena fade to black, we see some faint blue strobes darting around the arena before they settle on the stage and we get to see Mongo’s new hologram technology. After all the crappy AR effects that OTHER fed in CT is using, the XHF has invested in that tech they used to bring Tupac to the stage. And even though this is XHF … it’s somehow still more tasteful than that was … The lights begin to form into a human shape as the smoke emitted on the stage is used as a reflective surface. The lights die temporarily as the Xtremetron lights up. We hear an acoustic guitar and are treated to a clip from The Hardkore Reality of Steve Awesome…
“You can't tell me it's not worth trying for”
The Xtremetron begins to show a clip show full of highlights of everyone whose flower-surrounded easel sits in the ring. As the fans get suitably hyped up, the tron ends on a video of Tommy Strychnine pinning Random McConalogue before cutting to Steve Awesome standing over Zoran Sainovic, hoisting the X*Crown over his head.
The crowd chant Awesome’s name! From out of the back, The BANG! Bros hit the ring to celebrate Steve’s success. Steve is in the ring surrounded by his friends as he grabs a mic. He stares at his newly won X*CROWN CHAMPIONSHIP and tears build up in his eyes. He’s still covered in blood.
Steve Awesome: I don’t know if it’s the adrenaline, my feelings, or the damn truth serum ole wrinkly tits injected me with…but I just gotta say….”
He tears up again, Spike and Kanyon squeeze his shoulders in support.
Steve Awesome: I never imagined, when Zoran challenged the End of Days winner at Battle of Hegemony, the six months later I’d be here holding the X*Crown Championship above my head!
The crowd pop. A “You Deserve It” chant starts up. Steve pounds his fist to his heart and mouths thank you to the crowd.
Steve Awesome: And you guys stuck by me and had my back through all of this. I just wanted to say I appreciate that.
He finds the hard cam and shows the belt off.
Steve Awesome: If you’re watching, this one is for you Lauren.
Steve Awesome: I don’t know if it’s the adrenaline, my feelings, or the damn truth serum ole wrinkly tits injected me with…but I just gotta say….”
He tears up again, Spike and Kanyon squeeze his shoulders in support.
Steve Awesome: I never imagined, when Zoran challenged the End of Days winner at Battle of Hegemony, the six months later I’d be here holding the X*Crown Championship above my head!
The crowd pop. A “You Deserve It” chant starts up. Steve pounds his fist to his heart and mouths thank you to the crowd.
Steve Awesome: And you guys stuck by me and had my back through all of this. I just wanted to say I appreciate that.
He finds the hard cam and shows the belt off.
Steve Awesome: If you’re watching, this one is for you Lauren.
The Xtremetron fades to black as the smoke fills the stage again and the holograms pop on. On the stage walks out a nerdy looking fellow with a notebook that he is reading from. “5 star Man” by Pass the Peas hits the arena as Tuna Meltzer walks to center stage and raises a holographic microphone. A clip from one of his many radio shows plays.
Tuna Meltzer: FIVE STARS! I rarely give a show five but … this one here tonight? Chef’s Kiss!
The hologram begins to scatter as the record scratches and the music becomes “June Bug” by the Melvins. On the stage the hologram becomes a pair of men, similar in appearance, in TAPOUT merch. Tuff and Close Collins, the Throw Show, begin to amp up the crowd and slap holographic five with the fans at the top of the ramp. They meet in the middle of the ramp and father and son hug it out before turning to face the ring and throwing their hands in the air in triumph before the holograms fade out.
“Wherever I May Roam” by Metallica hits as the hologram reconvenes two steps ahead of where the Throw Show dissipated. The tangled hair and matted beard of Cliff Clinton? Is unmistakable as it sits on the ramp before pushing off the ground and letting out a silent roar. He marches to the bottom of the ramp and beats his chest before ripping the holographic head off a holographic Wildcat Capone action figure. As he does the arms seem to vanish off the body as his face leans into the camera before it dissipates and the music fades.
“Hey turn that bass up! Turn the bass up!”
“Baseline Junkie” by Drizee Rascal begins to play as the crowd begins to clap their hands to the beat as Vodka Fizz appears on the ramp and leads them in a stomp and clap tete-a-tete. He amps himself up and dance walks around the ring before leaping onto the announcer’s table! He begs the fans to sing along to his song as he claps his hands over his head. Finally he takes off his holographic white-fur jacket and hurls it into the crowd before pulling down his shades to wink into the camera. He pulls the shades and over the top white top hat off and drops them to the floor as they vanish. He then spins to face the ring and points to it as the fans start a “Voddy!” chant. He leaps into the air off the table and vanishes in a scattering of light into the sky.
“Motor City Madhouse” by Ted Nugent rocks the speakers as the light splits and forms into a huge hulking bald man in front of the table and a smaller man sitting on the barricade next to the announcer’s desk as he leans into the front row. “BA-NA-NA-RA-MA” chants begin to take over the crowd as Jayson Matthews leaps off the barricade and begins to run circles around Johnny Rotten as he gets excited. With one last leap, the two men high five and split apart. Johnny to the left, climbs the ring steps and stops at the top. Jayson leaps to the apron on the right and shakes the ropes as both men then throw their hands in the air as they vanish and the lights die again.
”Do you really wanna? Do you really wanna taste it?”
“Do You Wanna Taste It” by Wig Wam now echoes around the arena. The fans raise their commemorative whiskey bottles as where Rotten stood, appears the rock-and-sock-em wrestler himself. Tommy Strychnine downs a bottle of whiskey before spraying it into the air in a light show geyser before marching along the apron and pointing out to the crowd. He struts and air guitars before ripping off his jacket and hat and tossing them to the crowd as they vanish. He then leaps to the middle rope and air guitars to the crowd. As he leaps over the top into the ring, the spotlight hits him and the hologram vanishes into the light and then the arena goes dark once more.
Half The Crowd: AWE-SOME
Other Half: ROCKS!
Half The Crowd: AWE-SOME
Other Half: ROCKS!
Half The Crowd: AWE-SOME
Other Half: ROCKS!
{Dramatic Pause.}
"REGRETS I'VE HAD MINE!"
A spotlight hits the Awesome easel and in the corner where Tommy vanished appears the Face of the Franchise. He leaps to the same corner and looks at the crowd before he slow-motion poses holding up that holographic X*Crown in his raised hand. He leaps down and sprints across the ring as the BANG BROS chants start up. Steve leaps to the opposite corner and does the same slow motion pose but raises the XHF Hardcore Championship he lost in his final match. Nobody in the crowd is seated at this point as they rock out to his theme. He runs to the middle of the ring, running a circle around the easels before trying (and failing, being made of light) to knock over the other easels before shrugging with a smirk to the camera. He forward rolls through the easels and to the center of the ring as the other people all appear in front of their easels, striking a pose for the crowd as the music fades … and so do they… Silence and darkness overtake the arena as an RIP appears on the Xtremetron.
DING!
DING!
DING!
DING!
DING!
DING!
DING!
DING!
DING!
DING!
DING!
DING!
DING!
DING!
DING!
DING!
DING!
DING!
DING!
At the conclusion of the ten bell salute, pyros go off on the entrance ramp.
Hawke: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to A Night to Remember! Honoring Those Who Went Before Us. Please enjoy the action as a tribute to these fine wrestlers.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following contest is a Drunk and Dunked match! There is a barrel of hard liquor outside of each corner and the person to score a fall will take a shot. The first to five shots wins the match or the first to dunk the other into one of these barrels will win. Featuring first the challenger…hailing from Detroit, Michigan…he is Joe Nobody!
The lights dim and the words...
"I'm the tallest of mountains
I am the roughest of waves
I'm the toughest of terrors
I am the darkest of days
I'm the last one that's standing,
Don't try to stand in my way,
Cause I've been up against better,
Just take a look at my face"
I am the roughest of waves
I'm the toughest of terrors
I am the darkest of days
I'm the last one that's standing,
Don't try to stand in my way,
Cause I've been up against better,
Just take a look at my face"
...Appear on the Tron. After the word "face," the camera zooms into Nobody's face who smirks and adjusts his tie before making his way to the ring. As he makes it up two steps and stops before turning around to give a young fan his signature fedora. Despite being a heel, this is something he's been doing for 7+ years. He's not stopping it now. After handing off the Fedora he enters the ring and points at the crowd before clapping his hand together.
Hawke: Does he know that the fedora was thrown onto the floor after he turned his back?
Randy (wearing a new fedora): What? I found this on the floor!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ad his opponent, hailing from Cologne, Germany. She is…Esmeralda von Krauss!
“Gods and Monsters” as sung by Jessica Lange from AHS: Freakshow begins playing as Esmeralda von Krauss walks out from the back to the booing crowd. She smiles in her extravagant gown as she lights up an Egyptian cigarette at the end of an ornate foot-long holder. She makes her way down to the ring where the referee opens the ropes for her. She leans down as she goes through the ropes, eliciting a few cat calls as she does. Once she’s in the ring, she slips the shoulders off of her dress and allows it to slip down to the floor to reveal a black singlet. She tosses the dress to the timekeeper.
Esmeralda von Krauss: Find a good home for it, dahling. I’ll never wear it again.
She turns back to the ring and smiles coldly before leaning in her corner to await the start of the match.
Hawke: Are you going to get the dress too?
Randy: My eBay account could use a boost! Daddy needs more Super Sake!
As the bell sounds to start the match, Esmeralda and Joe begin circling around one another in the center of the ring. Esmeralda flicks an upholstery needle at Joe’s face, but he manages to get a hand up in time to block it with the needle sinking halfway through his hand instead. Joe curses and plucks the needle from his hand. This gives Esmeralda the time to roundhouse kick him in the face to knock him down to the mat.
Randy: Never give EVK a chance or she'll make the best use of it.
Hawke: Letting people overlook her is how she climbed to the top of REIGN.
Joe is back up quickly, but Esmeralda is on him in an instant and whips him into the ropes. On the rebound, Joe ducks under a clothesline attempt and goes to the ropes on the other side. On the next rebound, he lads a shoulder charge, knocking Esmeralda to the mat! Joe waits for Esmeralda to get up before landing a superkick that knocks her into next Tuesday. He goes for the cover, the ref getting into position for the count.
One
Two
Thr-Esmeralda kicks out!
Joe stands up and grabs Esmeralda from behind as she gets up. She back elbows him in the side of the head to get out of the move and spins around to grab Joe in a front face lock. She DDTs him to the mat and gets back to her feet. She starts applying a camel clutch, but puts her hands on Joe’s forehead and chin.
Hawke: Oh no.
Randy: Joe might feel better after this Adjustment.
Hawke: Or he might die.
Randy: Well, there’s that.
Esmeralda viciously turns Joe’s head and there is a resounding pop that silences the crowd. She stands up, dropping the limp Joe to the mat. She poses for the booing crowd, not noticing that Joe stands up behind her and leans his head from side to side to indicate that Esmeralda had only cured a crick in his neck. She turns around and is kicked in the gut. Joe gets her up into the air and lands the Awesome Driver! Fisherman's Buster into an Orange Crush Powerbomb!
Randy: Shades of Steve Awesome!
Joe gets her back up and walks her to the corner and sets her on the top turnbuckle. He gets up to the top turnbuckle with her and stands her up. He then bodyslams her right into the barrel to end the match!
Bonnie Jenkins: Winner of the match…Joe Nobody!
Hawke: That was rather quick!
Randy: It wasn’t a real match since all you had to do was get someone in the drink!
The lights go out, and we see a combination of eerie green lighting and fog fill the entire arena. Suddenly, a dancer, clad in green, walks onto the stage and performs a tap dance routine to an original Celtic piece, stopping to look at herself in front of a giant mirror--which projects an image of a very young Fiona McFly, aged seven, standing in front of a proud Royal Navy sailor as the first excerpt from the final tweet given by famed actor Leonard Nimoy is shown on the big screen above.
"A life is like a garden..."
As the music increases in intensity, a second dancer, sporting a silver uniform, performs a slightly longer version of the same tap dance routine until stopping to look at the mirror--which then projects Fiona as a preteen, posing with her first go-kart racing trophy she'd won in the summer of 1994 at the age of 12. The second excerpt from the "Star Trek" legend's tweet is shown as the photo in the mirror fades into nothingness...
"Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved..."
A third dancer, wearing a gold uniform, walks onto the stage to join the other two in a frenzied "Lord of the Dance"-style routine as the music reaches its crescendo. At this point, all three dancers stop to look at the mirror once again -- this time, it projects an image of Fiona sporting blonde hair, wearing her old University of Wisconsin, followed by a photo of her beating up on Ana Valentine, her first IWF opponent, as the final except for Nimoy's tweet is displayed.
"...except in memory."
As the dancers begin their final tap dance, the four different photographs, all black-and-white, fade in and out as the tune reaches its climax before coming to a stop. The trip walks over to the end of the stage to grab a giant mallet; as a group, they carry the object over and, with all their combined strength, aim it directly at the glass, which shatters into pieces. At this moment, Halestorm's "Love Bies (So Do I)" begins to play as Fiona McFly, with a gold-hued whip in hand, leaps through the busted mirror, prompting pyrotechnics to go off as a shower of confetti rains down from the ceiling. With the dancers tapping to her entrance theme, Fiona smiles lovingly before joining the dancers for a routine of her own before walking down to the ring, hugging fans along the way as the lights come back on. Before stepping into the ring, Fiona gives the whip to a lucky soul as a souvenir.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following match is a SADISTIC MADNESS MATCH! Making her way to the ring first from Arlington, TX she is "The Belfast Bombshell"...........FIONA MMMMMCFLY!
Hawke: And we would like to extend a welcome to Fiona McFly having her first match on our soil, and I’ve seen nothing but great things out of her throughout her career! A former IWF Women’s World Champion. An IWF Hall of Famer. She has been absolutely magnificent! And I can’t wait to see what she brings to the ring here tonight!
Randy: You got that right, buddy!
'Untouchable' hits the sound system as the overhead lights dim, the crowd loudly cheering for the woman that is about to emerge. Blue and white lights flash along the rampway as spotlights of similar shades swirl over the crowd... and Eliza Dresden doesn't make them wait for long. Bounding out from behind the curtain, Dresden is quick to make her way to the top of the ramp with Jason Long's technicolor light-up shades shoved up to act like a headband of sorts--and once she's there? She thrusts the latter into the air, earning a fresh wave of cheers. Of course, since she can't be idle for long, Eli is quick to bounce and poing her way down to the ring, darting from side to side to slap offered hands and otherwise play to the crowd. It's about three-fourths of the way down the ramp that she abandons that, speeding up to slide into the ring headfirst on her stomach before she twists onto her back and kips up to her feet. She's quick to mount the nearest turnbuckle, shoving a fist skyward to more of that positive reaction from the fans before she's popping back down and turning to look toward the middle of the ring. As her music fades, she hands the glasses over to a production assistant before bouncing around on the balls of her feet, eagerly waiting for the match to get underway.
Bonnie Jenkins: And coming in next, hailing from Pittsburgh, PA.....she's here to show you the "Find Out" side of messing around.......ELIIIIIIIIII DREEESDEEN!
Hawke: And here is Eli Dresden, and she looks ready for war! The former NLW heavyweight champion, the woman who took Hyperion’s trident! She might be the rookie of the three tonight, but she’s definitely not someone that they’re going to want to ignore.
Randy: She’s definitely paid her dues, Hawke.
There is a momentary silence as the crowd anticipates the arrival of the former XHF World Champion, and former X*Crown Champion from almost two decades ago… the lights go out, and the crowd is already cheering while they await the arrival of The Frozen Phoenix, The Queen of Queens, the Queen of Kings, The Goddess, amongst many other names that she has earned throughout her illustrious career. The lights go out and remain out to further build up the anticipation, until finally… the opening of “Back From the Dead” by Halestorm roars throughout the PA. The blue spotlight shines down onto the stage, and Tara wastes no time with coming out from behind the curtains… Adorned with The Fenix Sisters patented beanie, and her wrestling attire with a faux leather vest, she takes a moment to look at the audience, but takes a couple of steps forward before kneeling down on the ramp. She mutters some words under her breath and slaps the metal of the stage a couple of times before raising her arms in a flex in the same manner that Steve Awesome would do whenever he made his entrance.
Bonnie Jenkins: And finally......she is a FORMER X*CROWN CHAMPION......from Hartford, Connecticut she is THE QUEEN OF KINGS.......TARAAAAA FEEENIIIX!!
Hawke: Tara is here, and this crowd has not forgotten her!
Tara stands up and puts her hands in a “praying” pose while looking toward the sky and points to it and then as she walks down the ramp, she also brings her arm close to the camera as she passes by and points to the armband that reads “AWESOME” on it, and spins to continue her own momentum toward the ring - she stops at the bottom of the ramp, and slips the vest off in a provocative fashion as another homage to her friend. She strides forward and finally slides into the ring… Rather than going to her own corner, she first goes over to her opponent, Eli Dresden, and shares a few words with her that can’t be overheard, and then over to Fiona McFly and does the same. She takes the beanie off and flings it outside of the cell door before they close it behind them, and the match is ready to go underway.
Hawke: The rules of this match are pretty simple: there are no rules! They’re inside the cell, and I just hope for our own safety that they stay there!
Randy: You got that right, Hawke, because there’s a lot of weapons in there… A lot of weapons… A LOT. Like… a lot A LOT.
Before the bell sounds, the trio stand around the ring in a triangle formation, each one glancing at one another - Tara paces back and forth with the closed sack held firmly in one hand while eyeing first Eli, and then Fiona, all of them eager to get this match underway. Meanwhile, the crowd is still going crazy for all of the fighters.
Hawke: It has been a long time since Tara has been inside of an XHF ring, and I wish that she were here under better circumstances…but all in all, it’s great to see her back inside the ring, and these fans have not forgotten her! What a match that we’re about to witness between three big names in the industry. Fiona McFly, an IWF Hall of Famer, making her first appearance here tonight, and Eli Dresden who is no stranger to the Network, and despite being the rookie of these three, she has accomplished a lot in her time!
It looks like the referee is just about to signal for the bell, but Tara steps forward and raises her hand to instruct him to wait. He obliges, and Tara holds the sack up; she reaches in with one hand, and then lets the sack fall to the ground with her infamous chain dangling and the crowd roars with approval…
Hawke: That’s the same chain that Tara used against Reeshi at Night of Champions over fifteen years ago!
Randy: You’d think that chain would be a little rusty by now.
Eli nods her head in approval of Tara’s weapon of choice, but wags her finger at both of them - she slides out of the ring, and over to one of the cage walls and pulls a kendo stick from it; she slides back into the ring and hoists the kendo stick high. She gets the nod of approval from both of them, and now that leaves just Fiona… Fiona glances back and forth at some of the objects on the wall, and finally slips out of the ring…but rather than grabbing anything available on the walls, she searches underneath the ring and pulls out a trash can! She slides back into the ring, and holds up the trash can with both hands and gets the approval from the audience as well as her competitors.
Hawke: This is going to be a sudden death rule. Whoever scores the first pinfall or submission will be declared the winner.
Randy: Each of them has a starting weapon! And there’s that bell!
Without further ado… DING! DING! DING! The bell sounds, and Tara makes a beeline for Eli Dresden, looking to take her down with a clothesline with the chain around her arm - Eli is able to duck under, and sends the longtime veteran into the ring corner, then goes for an immediate swing aimed for Fiona’s midsection! Fiona is able to block the attack by bringing the trash can down just in the nick of time, and Eli swings the kendo stick as if she were handling a sword and is able to catch Fiona with a second swing that connects against Fiona’s shoulder.
While Eli is distracted, Tara is able to sneak up behind her and put the chain around her neck - Eli struggles for a moment, but then drops down with a stunner that sends The Great Phoenix back into the corner yet again clutching her jaw; Eli rolls over onto her hands and knees in an attempt to get to her feet, and Fiona drops the trash can and sprints forward, getting a spring from Eli’s back as she crashes into Tara with POETRY IN MOTION!
Randy: Are Fiona and Eli working together?!
Tara turns so her back is to her opponents, and starts climbing the top rope.
Hawke: I think inadvertently on Eli’s part, as it looks like Fiona McFly is looking to keep her own momentum rolling here… and Eli is just now getting up, and Fiona with a SUNSET FLIP! She’s going for an early win, and– Eli rolls backwards out of it.
As Eli is returning to her feet, she picks up the trash can…and FLINGS IT AT FIONA! The thudding impact causes Fiona to fall backward with the trash can in hand, and Tara soars backward in a moonsault fashion finishing with THE PHOENIX DROP! The double foot stomp crushes the trash can against Fiona…Tara hurries to get to her feet, but is immediately taken down with a schoolyard roll up!
ONE!
TWO!
TARA KICKS OUT!
Hawke: Tara is out of it, but it looks like Eli could be in trouble! Tara got her arm, and she could be looking for a quick triangle lock, dubbed the The Phoenix Triangle!
Eli Dresden struggles to break free before Tara can get the hold fully applied.
Hawke: Tara could have it… It could be synced in, and– and– ELI SLIPS OUT!
Just in the nick of time, Eli Dresden is able to break free. Tara, in a seated position, tries to return to her feet but Fiona, with Tara’s chain in hand, gets behind her and puts her into a rear naked choke, using the chain for the added pressure! Eli rushes forward and connects with a low front dropkick that hits Tara, and forces Tara backwards on top of Fiona – Eli springs back to her feet, and with a running start, hits them both with a shooting star press!
Randy: I gotta say, Eli is on a roll with this here tonight! And in this type of match, she’s doing exactly what you have to do… Keeping your foot on the gas, and taking the attack to your opponents!
Hawke: But a match like this could swing wildly on momentum. All it takes is one good thwack, and– there’s Eli going straight for the kendo stick.
While Tara and Fiona are still grounded, Eli gets back up with the weapon in hand– she raises it high over her head and looks to crack it against Tara, but Tara fires with a swift kick catching Eli in the midsection! Fiona tries to re-apply a chokehold against her foe, but Tara is able to fire back with a back elbow, and a second kick to Eli to keep her winded, and a second elbow for Fiona that finally allows her to break free from the grasp.
Hawke: A close call right there!
Tara scrambles to get to her feet, and picks up one end of the chain from the mat - Fiona grabs the other end, and the two get into a short tug o'war over the weapon! Eli takes advantage of the moment and cracks the kendo stick against Tara’s midsection, causing her to keel over, and then a second crack across her back! Tara goes down, and escapes to the outside of the ring…meanwhile, a defenseless Fiona tries to get to her feet, but is met with thundering strikes from the kendo stick. Despite the attack from Eli, Fiona still persists to her feet but is clearly taking a lot of punishment as she tries to evade and escape to no avail. Outside of the ring, Tara pulls another weapon from the wall - a Captain America replica shield.
Randy: I didn’t even notice that there!
Eli uses the kendo stick to choke Fiona against the corner, as Fiona tries to alleviate some of the pressure. Tara is back inside the ring, and Eli spots her out of the corner of her eye and swings wildly with the kendo stick! Tara uses the shield to block it, and then blocks the shield into Eli - Eli stumbles backward into Fiona, and Tara rushes forward, snatching her arm and sends her across the ring with an irishwhip. Tara backs up against Fiona, and sprints across the ring to come in with a STINGER SPLASH using the shield at her front against Eli! Tara turns her back now to Eli, looking across at Fiona and charges across - STINGER SPLASH with the shield! Fiona collapses as Tara takes a step back. Tara drops the shield and rushes back across the ring to pancake Eli a second time with another STINGER SPLASH! Fiona rolls to the outside of the ring to escape what she knows is coming.
Hawke: It looks like Tara is starting to get fired up, and Fiona wisely gets out of the ring to buy herself some time, and now she’s looking for something for her disposal.
Seeing that Fiona has escaped to the outside of the ring, Tara keeps her attention on Eli and takes her over with a snapmare, and immediately follows in with a low dropkick to her back! Eli cringes from the attack, and Tara immediately shoves her down, covering her for a pinfall.
ONE!
TWO!
ELI KICKS OUT!
Eli tries to roll onto her side, a little winded, but Tara shoves her back down and another cover.
ONE!
TWO!
ELI GETS A SHOULDER UP!
Tara stays beside Eli this time and gets her into an abdominal stretch position on the ground before starting to fire with repeated elbows! The referee doesn’t know what to do as there is no disqualification, but Tara is showing her own brutality here! Eli is trying to get her arm free and start blocking the elbows, but in the meantime, she’s helpless to the relentless assault from the Queen of Queens.
Hawke: No weapon is more dangerous than the human body, and Tara is an expert at punishing people with it!
Randy: Can this end by a knockout?
Hawke: Technically, yes. You knock a person out, and they’re down for a three count, but yes, absolutely.
Across the ring and to the outside, Fiona flings a small sack into the ring but then starts searching under the ring for more…she angles out a table, and even a ladder very carefully - the commotion from Fiona earns the attention of Tara, as she finally lets go. Tara steps forward, only for Eli to show her own toughness and resilience, because despite the blood seeping from a cut that opened on her forehead, Eli still grabs Tara by the ankle and tries to trip her up. Tara stomps Eli a few more times for good measure, and Eli winces.
Randy: Take the breather while you can!
Fiona is still getting carried away on the outside of the ring with the weapons, and Tara takes up the sack - she pours the contents at the center of the ring as the ring is not littered with thumbtacks. She decides to pay no more attention to Fiona, trusting she’s not paying attention enough, and turns her attention back to Eli - she grabs her by the hair to force her back up and says something to her that the cameras can’t quite pick up, then sets her up for a suplex! ELI BLOCKS IT!
Randy: Here we go!
Eli wraps a leg around Tara to keep her from hoisting her up, and Tara goes for it a second time, but Eli still has the lock in. Eli snaps back, breaking free from Tara’s grasp, before hitting a perfectly executed dropkick! Tara stumbles back, almost tripping over her own feet to avoid falling onto the thumbtacks - Eli rushes toward Tara as she is tangled on the ropes, and takes her over with a monkey flip RIGHT ONTO THE THUMBTACKS!
Hawke: Aiii! That– that backfired in a big way!
Meanwhile, outside of the ring, Fiona has brought the ladder up and is trying to angle it into the ring as it stands vertically still being held by Fiona - Eli spots the ladder, and springs to the top rope before vaulting herself toward the ladder and sends it backward so Fiona is pancaked between the ladder and cell wall! The ladder is unbalanced as Fiona is bringing it down, seeing some stars from that point - Eli carefully turns on the ladder to face Tara who is still on the mat trying to clear some of the thumbtacks for her own safety, while trying to get the ones that are in her skin out of them… Eli takes a leap of faith off of the ladder, almost touching the top of the cell in the process, with INCOMING! The shooting star cannonball! AND LANDS!
Randy: OH! MY! GOD!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT!
Hawke: I don’t think Tara is getting those thumbtacks out at this moment after that! That was all one-hundred-forty-four pounds dropping against her! And Eli goes for the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
TH– TARA KICKS OUT!
Hawke: Somehow! Some way! Tara proves her own resilience by kicking out after the damage that she’s taken!
Eli swipes the blood from her head and shakes her head a little bit, she rolls Tara back down against the mat and hooks the near leg to go for a second cover. Outside of the ring, Fiona slides a corkboard into the ring and follows in slowly after it… she holds onto something else while following in after the corkboard. She’s still taking some of the effect from being sandwiched by the ladder and cell.
ONE!
TWO!
TARA REVERSES!
Tara rolls Eli up into a crucifix pin!
ONE!
TWO!
FIONA WITH THE SAVE!
Randy: Y’know, I don’t think Eli is done.
Hawke: Oh, absolutely! But Tara had a perfect execution, and you have to remember that this is about technique - I don’t think Eli was going to escape if it wasn’t for Fiona!
Fiona is the first to her feet this time, and Tara is the second - Fiona takes the object in her hand and uncurls it to reveal a bullwhip! She wraps the bullwhip around Tara’s neck and uses it to choke her while Eli is rolling away from the action to get a moment to get back to her feet. While Fiona has Tara in control she suddenly reaches forward and… IRON CLAW! Fiona has it applied perfectly as Tara tries to get herself free, but Fiona has a good grasp on it until it’s broken up by Eli Dresden! Eli takes Fiona over the top rope with a CACTUS CLOTHESLINE! Both of the women tumble to the outside of the ring, leaving Tara inside.
Randy: Is now a good time to get those thumbtacks?
Hawke: Probably! Fiona has been on the outside for a while so there’s no saying what she’s brought out to play, but there isn’t much room for either one of them to move.
Eli and Fiona are tangled up with one another in a standard collar and elbow lock up, as they alternate pinning the other against the cell wall - Fiona is the first to break free from the grasp, and grabs Eli by the head to slam her head against the wall, before starting to rub her head against it to aggravate the cut! Eli grits her teeth and fires with an elbow, and then circles behind Fiona and starts slamming her head repeatedly against the wall.
Hawke: This is getting more and more violent!
Inside of the ring, Tara has gotten the bullwhip from around her neck but is still waiting to join in on the action. Fiona fires back against Eli with an elbow of her own! Eli falls back one step, and Fiona uses that to spin her around, gathering extra momentum, before sending Eli toward the steel post! Eli crashes shoulder first against it, and Fiona is still hot on her heels; Fiona snatches Eli’s arm and wraps it around the post and pulls as hard as she can!
Hawke: Fiona is looking to do some serious damage against Eli here!
Randy: She could break her arm!
Eli grunts in pain but reaches forward, grabbing a handful of Fiona’s hair before pulling her in and slamming her head against the steel post…both of them move from the steel post, but still have a lock on one another. Inside of the ring, Tara rushes toward them and springs to the top turnbuckle - Eli and Fiona instinctively look up, and Tara jumps over them to catch herself on the corner of the cell…Eli and Fiona turn to face her again, and Tara comes off in a one-eighty body splash landing on both of them!
Hawke: That is a move of a veteran right there! Fiona and Eli were expecting her to fly straight at them, but Tara makes the leap and catches them from the other side!
Randy: But she’s still gotta be feeling the effect this match has taken on her.
The crowd is still going crazy for these three women who are utterly destroying each other, even as Tara is the only one standing for the time being… Tara walks over to the mess that Fiona had made earlier, and opens one of the legs of the table, positioning it so the other end of the table is on the ring apron - Tara isn’t satisfied here, as she starts digging under the ring and pulls out a roll of barbed wire! She puts that on top of the table to the delight of the audience!
Hawke: She’s got some ill intentions for what’s happening here.
Eli rolls back into the ring, lying on her back to catch a breath…but it doesn’t go unnoticed by the crafty veteran, and Tara goes into the ring to punish her further; Tara uses the corner to elevate herself higher before coming down with a double foot stomp, and then pulls on the ropes to start crushing Eli further!
Randy: She just can’t get a break here!
Outside of the ring, Fiona starts getting to her feet…which again doesn’t go unnoticed, and Tara comes back for a baseball slide! FIONA CATCHES HER! Fiona pulls Tara to the outside of the ring, and the two start swinging wildly back and forth at each other - lefts, rights, fists, knees, everything they can throw at each other, they are! Eli uses the corner to pull herself back to a standing position and staggers as she looks for her own next move… she sees the ladder that’s still on the outside of the ring, and angles it to bring it inside of the ring.
Hawke: That ladder is almost as tall as the cell!
Eli sets the ladder up, and the top of the ladder is no further than three feet from touching the ceiling. Outside of the ring, though, Fiona and Tara are still fighting like mad against one another! Fiona snatches up another kendo stick from the wall and cracks Tara against the ribcage, but Tara brings her arm down to keep Fiona from retracting, but definitely feeling the sting of it - Tara fires a headbutt against Fiona, causing both of them to wobble, but Tara recovers faster, but is then met with a stiff knee from Fiona!
Randy: Ouch!
Tara keels over, and Fiona rains down clubbing blows against Tara’s back, but Tara persists! She brings Fiona up onto her shoulders, and Fiona tries to wriggle free, but before she can do anything more, Tara flings her up and brings her down with the BURN TO ASHES (GTS)!
Hawke: A dangerous knee hit the mark, and Fiona could be in trouble!
Randy: It doesn’t look like she’s done with her, though.
The only thing keeping Fiona from falling to the mat is the short distance between the ring and the cell wall, as well as Tara - Tara throws in a few extra strikes against Fiona before putting her atop the table.
Hawke: What’s she planning? She can’t– no, not inside the cell!
Tara points up where Eli Dresden has taken the time to climb the ladder, and Tara is calling for her to come crashing down - Eli takes a deep breath before launching herself off the ladder! Eli Dresden lands on top of Fiona McFly with a cannonball that breaks the table underneath them and the crowd goes into an absolute frenzy! Eli Dresden and Fiona McFly look like they were the victims of a car crash as the rubble surrounds them.
Randy: I can’t believe what they’re putting themselves through!
Hawke: It’s all in honor of our fallen friends, Randy, and I have to say it is a grand gesture these three women are putting on for us here tonight! But– even in the honor, it looks like there’s still no remorse from the veteran…
Tara grabs Eli as she’s on the ground, and tosses her back into the ring - Eli is weary but manages to roll toward the center of the ring and is back on her hands and knees, and Tara is in right after her…with Eli on her knees, Tara fires for the GENOCIDE KICK!
Hakwe: ELI DUCKS!
Missing her mark, Tara spins, off-balance, and Eli takes the opportunity to lunge forward and roll Tara into the schoolyard pin but yet again Tara goes for THE PHOENIX TRIANGLE! Eli is trying to keep Tara from getting it locked in, and manages to break free just in the nick of time for the second time in this match - Eli retreats to the ropes, and rebounds off of them to build up her momentum just as Tara kips to her feet; Eli closes the distance, and Tara catches her with FALLEN PHOENIX! The Codebreaker puts Eli down, and Tara immediately scrambles for the cover…
ONE!
TWO!
THREE—NOOOO!
Eli gets a shoulder up at the last possible moment!
Hawke: That should tell you how tough Eli Dresden is, and how much punishment she can endure! I’m not even sure that wasn’t three, Randy!
Randy: I don’t think it gets much closer than that.
Outside of the ring, Fiona pulls herself back to a vertical base by using the ring skirt and then holds herself up against the apron…Tara is pleading her case with the referee that it was a three count, but the referee is quite insistent that it was only two. Fiona, now on the ring apron, climbs even further to the top rope while Tara is still blindly arguing with the referee and Eli Dresden is taking the moment to breathe…
Hawke: You can’t lose your focus at this crucial point, and it seems like the frustration for Tara is starting to build. And look at Fiona– I don’t even know how she can stand right now, much less on the top rope!
Fiona goes into a praying mantis position on the top rope, and just as Tara turns around– MANTIS!
Randy: FIONA MISSES!
Tara is able to step to the side, and glances over at Eli who is rolling out of the ring, then back at Fiona who is trying to rebound back to her feet but is slow on account of all their exhaustion – Tara pulls Fiona back to a standing base, and out of nowhere, Fiona drops Tara with the first part of CHELSEA CLUTCH! The Diamond Cutter brings Tara down, and Fiona rolls backward to put Tara into a COBRA CLUTCH!
Hawke: That came out of nowhere, and– excuse the pun– but it could be the clutch move that Fiona needs here!
Randy: I don’t remember the last time Tara has tapped out, and Eli is outside of the ring! Fiona could take the win here!
Tara grimaces in the hold, looking like she could cave at any moment. Eli Dresden brings the barbed wire into the ring, and then immediately pulls herself up onto the ring apron…she’s heaving from her own exhaustion, but digging deep, she springs to the top rope, and comes down with an elbow drop to break up the submission!
Hawke: Eli Dresden with a big save, saving herself from enduring a loss in what has been an absolutely grueling match!
Tara is hurting as she moves for the ring apron, and Eli Dresden takes a moment to still catch her breath - Fiona still has her breath, though, and is getting back up to her feet, so Eli starts driving in some heavy rights to keep The Belfast Bombshell on her toes, but Fiona starts fighting back against her! The rights go back and forth with each punch looking like it might knock the other down, but the adrenaline seems to keep them both standing, and still fighting!
Randy: I don’t know how any of them are still standing, Hawke!
The crowd rallies behind both Eli and Fiona while their fighting continues, but over by the turnbuckle, Tara has pulled herself back to a standing position…she backs into the corner, and glances at the barbed wire near her feet - across the ring, Fiona has taken the advantage against Eli and has backed her into the corner…she looks across to see Tara climbing the top rope, and sends Eli towards her!
Tara improvises by jumping at Eli to go for a tornado DDT!
Hawke: ELI COUNTERS!
Eli catches Tara out of midair with THE GDI right onto the barbed wire!
Randy: First the thumbtacks, and now the barbed wire! Her back is just going to be– done!
Hawke: This crowd can’t believe what they just saw, and it looks like Eli is going to try to steal it away here!
Eli hooks the leg!
ONE!
Fiona is rushing forward as fast as she can, but stumbles.
TWO!
Fiona using her elbows and knees to push herself back up, and she dives toward them–
THREE– FIONA WITH THE SAVE!
Hawke: Eli Dresden was so close to winning!
Randy: These near falls are getting out of hand.
Tara is able to roll back out of the ring, barely, as she collapses to her knees immediately after getting to the outside…Tara starts looking for something under the ring again. Inside, Fiona pulls Eli back up and turns her around relatively fast, and drops Eli back down with SENDING OFF! The inverted DDT, and Fiona goes straight into the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
NOOOOO!!!!
ELI AGAIN GETS HER SHOULDER UP!
Fiona is in absolute disbelief as she’s now wondering what the hell she has to do to keep Eli Dresden down. She has taken every bit of punishment she possibly could, and despite now being unable to move beyond lying on her side, she’s still fighting…
Randy: These women are leaving it all out here tonight!
Tara slithers back into the ring and picks up the steel chain in the process as well as tucking an object into her waistband - Fiona spots Tara looking for an opening and decides to greet her, and just as she steps forward, Tara is able to bring the chain around her neck and immediately toss her over the top rope! Tara holds onto the chain as it’s now strangling Fiona, and Fiona tries desperately to pull the chain from around her neck and gain a footing on the outside of the ring but is unable to…Tara, still holding the chain, rolls under the bottom rope to use the chain as a pulley system.
Hawke: She’s gonna kill her right here!
Randy: The referee might need to intervene!
Tara releases the other end of the chain, and Fiona’s feet plant against the outside of the ring…she draws in a few heavy breaths to regain her oxygen, and Tara takes the object from her waistband again, snatching Fiona’s wrist in the process, and HANDCUFFS HER TO THE BOTTOM ROPE! Fiona is too exhausted to realize what happened right away, and is still trying to regain her breath before it finally dawns on her… She shakes her arm several times against the bottom rope and then starts kicking at Tara and reaches for her, as Tara walks backward and taunts her with a gentle wave as if to say “bye bye”.
Hawke: What? Did Tara just handcuff Fiona to the rope?!
Randy: This took a turn.
Tara re-enters the ring, and Fiona slides under the bottom rope to try to get as far into the ring as she can but she can’t get too far from the corner…she’s snarling and tugging on the rope as hard as she can as Tara turns her attention back to Eli Dresden - she pulls Eli back to a standing base, and positions her carefully before leaping up and bringing her down face first into the barbed wire with PHOENIX WINGS!
Hawke: How much more can Eli take?!
Tara rolls Eli Dresden over, and rolls her up into a cover.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
DING! DING! DING!
Bonnie Jenkins: Your winner! BY WAY OF PINFALL! TARA! FEEEEENNNNNIIIIIXXXXX!!!!
The final bell finally sounds, and Tara looks at the carnage left inside of the ring. “Back From The Dead” by Halestorm is blaring over the PA, and Fiona McFly still looks frustrated as she was helpless to do anything to break up the cover this time, and Eli Dresden fought as valiantly as she could but it was not enough to overcome. All of the blood they spilled inside of the ring, all for the fallen – Tara doesn’t take the time to celebrate her victory, but instead exits the ring…with her face hidden behind her hand, she leaves up the ramp.
The darkness came to life, and the light bathed across the dark room from a wall of flickering tv monitors. Each screen, each monitor regardless of size and shape showed images of Vodka Fizz and Steve Awesome. And across the screens they joked, laughed, and fought.
In many of them they faced the same foe.
A figure walked before the screens, pacing back and forth with his head bowed. The light of the screens washed over him, gleaming across a metal mask. And he paused, and the other three figures in the room looked solemn. Sinclair Godfrey blinked, a hand lifting to wipe at her eyes before she watched the grim figure pace.
Donzig paused and stared at the screens, in one hand he held a bloody and rust stained screwdriver with a badly taped handle. The same weapon on one of the screens he was digging into the face of Fizz atop a Hell in a Cell. He looked down at his hand, fingers twisting before he lifted the other hand to rest atop a leather bound book laying open.
On it’s front blank page under the title ‘Paradise Lost’ it read simply: To Steve.
The writing was in Donzig’s own small spidery hand.
His fingers drifted over it, and he looked back to the screen before his head bowed.
‘No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.’
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.’
Sinclair started to rise, but Mormo laid a hand on her shoulder with a slight shake of his masked head. And Donzig’s shoulders rose and fell once, and then he looked away with a shake of his head before he left the room once more.
The opening lines of the song play as we pan across the venue looking for That Stone Cold Killa.
Bonnie Jenkins: This match is a New Orleans Street Fight! In this match there are no rules, there are no holds barred, and falls can take place anywhere! You can only win this match by forfeit, knock out or submission! Making his way to the ring, standing in at five foot eight inches tall and weighing in at two hundred and eight pounds, fighting out of Lexington, Kentucky, he is IRN FST Wildcat Capone!
The man known as Wildcat Capone is found kicking out a door on the upper decks of the arena. He comes with birds out, already pissed at the world. IRN FST goes down the stairs into hostile territory, fighting his way through the crowd. Pushing and shoving his way through the sea of humanity. He makes his way down the stairs and onto the floor. He continues antagonizing and fighting his way through the crowd. He gets over the barricade and gets a joint from behind his ear.
Randy: This match won't be for the faint of heart. Wildcat Capone is a young wrestler full of potential and has done nothing but improve since debuting over a year ago.
Hawke: He was also a rival of Tommy Strychinne and the last rival of Cliff Clinton. This match is an amalgamation of tributes for not just these two men, but also Steve Awesome, who's fellow partner and friend will face off against him in just a few moments.
He lights it up and smokes it like a cigar as he paces back and forth. He walks around the ring, looking in. He walks up the steps before wiping off his feet and entering the ring. He flips off the fans once more, cursing at them and pulling out every cheap heat joke he can think of.
Randy: This was the match that Wildcat and Cliff were going to have later this year. You know Joey, Wildcat told me earlier that tonight we're going to see the realest street fight ever.
Hawke: I'm not sure what that's supposed to be, but given his history with the streets and that life, I'm pretty sure tonight isn't going to be for those with a weak stomach.
He stares daggers towards his opponents corner, going into his dead silent and fully focused.
Bonnie Jenkins: And his opponent standing in at six foot two inches tall and weighing in at two hundred and fifteen pounds he is The Second Generation Jackpot Alexander Von Blankenship!
A thick cloud like haze fills the entry way, and brilliant blue lights create an almost angelic like atmosphere.
"I've been blessed up (geez)
I've been broke down (oh yeah)
Gotta catch up (yeah)
Gotta shine now (okay)
Running faster (oh yeah)
I can't slow down (oh no)
Gotta catch up (yeah)
Gotta shine now"
I've been broke down (oh yeah)
Gotta catch up (yeah)
Gotta shine now (okay)
Running faster (oh yeah)
I can't slow down (oh no)
Gotta catch up (yeah)
Gotta shine now"
Randy: AVB is the son of XHF Legend Rat Bastard, he was also apart of the super group The Anointed with Steve Awesome in HardKore World.
Hawke: Hate him or love him, The kid is a star. And tonight two of the hottest talents of the next generation are fighting tonight.
AVB steps from behind the curtain, a cocky smirk on his smug face. He holds his arms out, soaking in all of his own glory, before mouthing the words "Always Very Blessed" as he points to the smug look on his own face.
"Ayy, I got the moves
Bearing that fruit and now I got the juice (juice!)
God has been cooking, now I got the soup
Put this together, yo, really He clever, I cannot do better"
Bearing that fruit and now I got the juice (juice!)
God has been cooking, now I got the soup
Put this together, yo, really He clever, I cannot do better"
AVD looks out at the crowd, he smirk now a scowl. Slowly walking towards the ring he points to random fans, stating loudly " I'm better then you" as he goes.
"Ride the wave, yeah
Ain't got no fright today, yeah
I'm gonna rise today, yeah
Don't gotta fight the wave
'Cause
I'm peeping the visuals, I bring the visuals"
Ain't got no fright today, yeah
I'm gonna rise today, yeah
Don't gotta fight the wave
'Cause
I'm peeping the visuals, I bring the visuals"
Randy: Both of these guys have made it personal in the lead up to this one. Neither of these guys like each other and we'll see just how much when the bell rings.
AVB walks up the steps to the ring, stopping before he gets inside, he gives the ring a father son and holy sport blessing before climbing the outside turnbuckle, looking towards the entire crowd he yells out "Always Very Blessed" before jumping down into the ring.
Ding! Ding! Ding!
The bell rings and the match starts as both men begin to stare and circle one another. They point a finger to the sky before charging each other. They grab one another and lay into each other with a flurry of punches to the head and face. They make Severn and Takayama look like a slap fight as they pummel one another. AVB throws Wildcat into the corner. He kicks him in the gut before doing a stomp and chop combo. Capone ducks a grabs AVBs arm, whipping him into the corner and unleashing a flurry of chops.
Randy: Yow! He's tenderizing meat!
Mr.859 lights the heavenly heathens chest on fire as it turns to a beat red from the chops. He falls down into a sitting position as Capone rushes to the opposite side of the ring. He charges with a sliding lariat that knocks Alexander loopy. Capone slides out of the ring in the process and grabs some weapons. Including a stop sign and a trashcan full of other weapons.
Hawke: I guess we should have expected this...
Randy: Bring on the weapons!
He dumps the trashcan in the middle of the ring. Kendo sticks, light tubes and other small items come dumping out as Capone grabs the trashcan. He sits it to where the open side is facing up. He grabs AVB and goes for a brain buster, but AVB slips out. He kicks him in the knee before hitting a snap inverted suplex on IRN FST. He lands belly first into the trash can as it and him both fold over in a heap of pain. AVB grabs a light tube and smashed it across his head before going for a sleeper hold. He tries to choke the life out of Capone. But Wildcat pokes his eye and breaks free. He lands some punches as he grabs the stop sign and hits AVB with the edge of it. He then grabs him and hotshots AVB throat first into the stop sign.
Randy: Oh my God! He could've killed him with that stop sign!
Hawke: These two are cranking up the heat to this already red hot match. I'm not sure how much more of those either of them can take.
AVB clutches his throat as he gasps for breath. Capone laughed at him as he swings the stop sign at him. AVB ducks and super kicks the stop sign into Caponea face.
Randy: Ordained! And just like that the momentum has switched!
Hawke: Look Randy! AVB is wrapping a chain around his fist! He's had enough of Capone and is going to try and end this early!
AVB waits for Capone to get to his feet as he kisses his chain wrapped fist. He charges Capone as he makes it to his feet, still groggy from that superkick. AVB goes for the superman punch. Wildcat catches him with a roaring elbow before he can connect. AVB falls, but gets back up quickly. Capone kicks him in the gut as he gets up. He follows it with some chops and then throws him into the ropes. He goes for that rolling koppo kick, AVB side steps it and catches him with a burning lariat.
Randy: LARIOTOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Hawke: Only Japanese commentators get to do that.
He stomps him down some more before heading outside. AVB looks for something under the ring and pulls out a table to the delight of the fans in attendance tonight. He slides it into the ring. But before he can follow, the table is kicked hard into his face. Wildcat grabs it and leans it against the ropes as he runs the ropes. AVB is stunned near the barricade as Capone runs up the table and dives off sloppily. Diving from the heavens with a suicide swanton bomb. They both crash hard as they crash into and over the barricade.
Hawke: Capone going high risk!
Randy: Neither of these men are leaving anything on the table!
Both men are seen trading punches as they get back to their feet. AVB smashes Caponea face against the guard rail before booting him back over ringside. He throws him into the ring before hitting him with the table and setting it up. He grabs Capone and throws him into the corner. Capone pops out with some quick strikes and drives AVBs head into the turnbuckle. He sets him up onto the top rope. Capone climbs to the middle rope before AVB punches him and kicks him off. Capone lands on the table, but it doesn't break. AVB stands up and turns around.
Hawke: Dangerous territory for both men. But AVB is looking to take a little risk of his own tonight Randy.
Randy: Here he comes! Awesomesault through the table!
AVB hits the moonsault as him and Capone crash through the table. Capone is down, but he still shows some life in him. AVB stomps his legs before locking in a figure four leg lock. He tries to make Capone tap out, but he keeps on fighting the pain. Both men sit up as Capone starts chopping the shit out of AVB. He drops down before popping back up with a loud chop that sends Capone down. The two men trade chops back and forth. They turn each other's chests into minced meat as both men start bleeding from their red and blackened chests. Capone flips off AVB.
Wildcat Capone: Fuck You!
AVB: No, Fuck You!
He flips him off and then spits in the face of Capone. Capone is visibly livid as he unleashes some uncomfortable chops towards the head area. He gets free from the submission. Capone slaps his legs, trying to get feeling back into them. AVB comes at him with a bag of white powder. Capone dodges the substance and throws him outside of the ring. He steps out and dives with a cannonball senton off the apron. Capone stomps the face of AVB before lifting him up and throwing him over the barricade.
Hawke: Wildcat is using all his power in this match.
Randy: But could the power usage drain him later on?
He takes a few steps back before running towards AVB and diving over the barricade. Both tumble as they roll on the ground punching and choking each other. AVB drives a knee into his face before hitting him with a fall away Slam into a row of chairs. Capone crashes hard as he lands on the concrete with a loud thud. AVB mocks him for a brief second. He prowls on Capone and rakes his eyes. He lifts him up with a backdrop driver, but the man from the bluegrass would land on his feet, stumbling backwards for a few steps. Wildcat would swing at him with a quick lariat. AVB blocks it and goes for some punches to the midsection. He goes for a swinging neck breaker, but Capone slips out and drops him with the Chin Check. His take on the whippersnapper. AVB is rocked as Capone pops back up and lifts him into a fireman's carry. He runs towards the barricade.
Randy Angel: “Wheelz Of Steel on the barricade!” The death valley driver nearly breaks his back in two as he folds over on the other side.
Hawke: He felt every bit of that!
Capone leans over and pulls him up from his hair. He yanks AVB back over as he takes runs with him into a row of chairs. AVB crashes hard into the sea of chairs. Wildcat immobilizes his arms as he pulls out a fork.
Hawke: Oh God, what is he going to do with that fork?
Randy: Nothing good from the looks of it.
Wildcat raises it high in the air for all to see before he grips the fork tightly. He drives it into his head, digging into it and stabbing him repeatedly. Blood gushes out like a waterfall.
Randy: Capone seems to be enjoying this a little too much Joey.
Hawke: That spit to the face earlier is where this really took a turn for the worse. And now AVB is going to pay for the ultimate disrespect.
He tries to stab his eye, but AVB manages to get an arm free. He grabs the fork and holds it from stabbing him. AVB manages to get his other arm free and throws a wild punch at Capone. He breaks free and tries to make distance. He heads up the stairs as a trail of blood drips down his face. Capone soon follows with the referee. AVB hits him with a superkick. Ordained connects again as Capone rolls down the stairs. Capone manages to grab the railing midway down. He gets back to his feet and makes his way to AVB.
Randy: I wonder what he's got in mind to do next!
Capone grabs him by his belt and pulls him down. He catches him into a saito suplex on the stairs. Juicy hits as both men roll down a few feet. Capone gets up and grabs hold of the second gen star. Wildcat starts punching him in the face as they make their way back into the crowd. Fighting between the seats. AVB gets knocked down with a stiff jab to the eye. He grabs a fans drink and throws it in Capone's face. AVB comes up with an uppercut before dropping Capone with a snap suplex on the concrete. He grabs Capone and unleashes a furry of punches to his head.
Randy: I know how that feels-
Hawke: -Every morning.
AVB climbs over seats as he tries to reach the door on the middle section of the arena. Capone follows him. Grabbing his leg, he trips up AVB. He kicks IRN FSTs face trying to make him let go. The fans scramble as things start to get dangerous. AVB pulls out another chain and swings it at Capone. Hitting him in the shoulder its enough to get free. The two eventually meet up to about three fourths of the way to the top. They start trading punches and chops. Both men gradually make their way to the top. All along the way beating the hell out of one another with uncomfortably stiff strikes. They now make their way to the left, fighting on walkway section along the barricade between the seats and walkway area.
Hawke: The fans were promised a street fight and they're certainly getting one!
AVB with a right hook. Capone answers back with a left jab to the midsection. AVB with a low kick. Capone scoops him for a power slam. He follows it up with an elbow drop to the chest. Capone grabs him in a headlock position before driving him with knees. He follows it with a few kawada styled kicks. AVB catches one and trips him up. He gets into a full mount position and starts punching the hell out of Capone. Wildcat uses his street smarts to dodge out of a punch, causing AVB to punch the concrete. He grabs his hand as he gets to his feet. Capone clocks him with a chop to the throat. He whips him into the barricade. Wildcat charges at him and hits a yakuza kick.
Randy: Get Got over the barricade! AVB crashes over into the fans below!
Hawke: Capone isn't done! Look out!
Randy: Capone with a slingshot springboard v trigger off the barricade!
Hawke: That's Tommy Strychinne’s finisher! Kiss Me Deadly hits and both men are now in the wreckage!
The referee check on both men before making the count.
One!
Two!!
Three!!!
Capone starts to show signs of life.
Four!!!!
Randy: Wildcat hurt himself just as much, if not more from that Kiss Me Deadly off the barricade.
Hawke: He's the first one moving. But look, AVB is starting to show signs of life too.
Randy: Both men have proven just how tough they are, but you have to ask yourself, just how much more can these two take?
Five!!!!!
Capone uses the seats to help him get to his knees as AVB is starting to move. He opens and closes his hands as his eyes dart all around.
Six!!!!!!
Capone gets himself up enough to sit into a seat. AVB gets up to his knees now.
Seven!!!!!!!
AVB gets into the seat beside Capone. He starts chopping him in the chest. Capone replies back with a chop of his own. Back and forth. Chop! Chop! Chop! They continue chopping each other. Hitting each other harder and faster each time. They go from chops to punches as they brawl back up to the walkway. AVB punches Capone up to the door. He hits the Ordained on Wildcat, knocking him through the door. He rolls into his feet. Capone charges him. AVB goes for a swing, but misses. He spins around and Capone hits him with a German suplex. Capone picks him up and tries to slam him down with a belly to belly suplex. AVB Mongolian chops Capone in the ears. He lets go and then gets poked in the eye. AVB starts to kick him in the leg as Capone tries to make some distance.
Randy: They're in the concession stands now. This could get messy.
Capone heads towards a counter and grabs the monitor for the cash register. He smacks AVB with it. Sending him back a few steps. He comes back with a kick to the gut. He smashes Capones face on the counter before throwing him over. He follows as the worker runs to the back and the two men brawl in the small kitchen area. AVB holds him under a fountain pop machine and tries to drown him with the pop. Capone fights back, jabbing his eye and smacking him with a bucket of popcorn. He tries to hit another Juicy suplex but AVB stops him with a headlock. He punches him hard in the head before locking up his arms. Angels wings hits!
Hawke: Purification connects!
Capone is down!
One!
Two!!
Three!!!
Fo-
He gets back up to his knees. AVB is already out of the stand and celebrating early. Capone climbs onto the counter and dives off with a bulldog. AVB falls face first. Capone and AVB brawl into the bathroom. Capone gets pushed into the sink before dodging a big boot. He goes for another Juicy suplex. AVB stops it again and manages to drop him with a swinging neck breaker. He picks up Capone and leads him into a stall. He shoves his head into the toilet and flushes it. He stand on the seat as he tries to make Wildcat pass out. Capone claws at him and fights back with all he has. Eventually grabbing a leg and tripping up AVB. He kicks him in the chest making him stumble out of the stall. Capone punches him out of the bathroom and towards an exit.
Randy: These guys can't be stopped!
Wildcat hits him with a roaring elbow, knocking AVB into the door. Capone spears him through it and they crash outside onto the sidewalk. There's a few people who run out of the way as the bloody and beaten men continue this street fight.
Hawke: Now we're getting a real street fight!
Capone kicks him with a few kawada kicks before picking him up and whipping him into a car door. AVB hits it back first as he falls hard onto the pavement. He gets up and just barely gets out of the way of a get got yakuza kick. Capones foot goes through the window as AVB uses this to hit him with a Barry white driver.
Randy: Desecration on the concrete!
AVB isn't done as picks up Capone and goes for the burning hammer. Wildcat flips out onto his feet. He makes distance and heads on down the street. The two brawl down the street, trading punches, chops and kicks. AVB lifts up Wildcat for a shoulder breaker. He drops him down shoulder first onto a railing. Capone screams in pain as he clutches his shoulder.
Randy: That shoulder could've seriously gotten hurt. Capone could be out!
The referee checks on him to make sure he can continue. In the middle of the referee checking on Capone, AVB gets in a cheap shot and stomps his shoulder some more. He picks up Capone in a sidewalk slam position. Dropping him back first now onto the rail. Capone screams more as he clutches his shoulder and back.
One!
Two!!
Three!!!
Four!!!!
Five!!!!!
Capone starts to make his way to a knee.
Six!!!!!!
He uses the rail to help him get up to his feet. He gets up swinging. Hitting some but missing most punches. Capone gauges at his eyes before smashing his face into a brick wall. AVB bounces off it and gets caught into a sleeper hold. He fights back and drives Capone into a police car. AVB slams him head first into the side as Capone makes his way to the hood. He climbs up the car as AVB follows. The two trade blows before AVB goes for angels wings onto the top. Capone breaks free before he can lift him up and grabs him up into a package piledriver. Fuck the police through the windshield as glass shatters everywhere.
One!
Two!!
AVB is bleeding and cut everywhere. Capone suffers some minor cuts as well as he slides down the hood and leans on the railing. Slowly walking down the street.
Three!!!
Four!!!!
Five!!!!!
AVB crawls out of the car and rolls down the hood. With a trail of crimson tracking behind him.
Six!!!!!!
He gets to his feet as we see Capone go for another get got. He catches him into a t-bone suplex onto the hood. AVB drags him off as he opens the door. He punches Wildcat a few times before setting him shoulder first between the door and seat. He takes a few steps back before tackling the door shut. Capones shoulder gets smashed between the door as he screams in pain. AVB drags him down the street now as they continue to brawl with one another. They continue the back and forth battle as they near a gas station. The two brawl towards it. With AVB punching Capone towards the gas pumps. He falls down and stumbles towards the entrance. AVB spears him through the glass window and both get covered in small shards of glass.
Hawke: THIS COULD BE THE END OF THEM!
Randy: No it looks like they're still going at it!
They roll around punching each other in the entrance of the store. AVB goes for a superkick but hits a shelf instead. His foot gets stuck. Capone shoves him into the ice cream machine before dragging him to the back where the drinks are held. He whips him into the door before charging him. AVB throws a drink at him before he can get to him. He uses the opportunity to catch Wildcat with a snap suplex through the glass door.
Hawke: More glass!
Randy: I think we might get a knock out due to blood loss tonight!
AVB grabs a shard of glass and stabs Capones forehead. Making him gush like a geyser AVB goes for his eye but Capone gots hold of his hand. He tries to hold him off as the glass shard gets closer and closer. At the last possible second he stops it and gets the shard out of his hand.
Randy: We started this match in the ring and somehow wound up in this local gas station. Now both men are wearing crimson masks and bleeding like stuck pigs.
Hawke: Now they found the outdoors section! AVB with some lefts and rights. Capone is starting to lose it!
The two brawl more before AVB drops Capone with a leg sweep. He grabs some bamboo skewers and shoves them through his right cheek. The skin stretches like rubber before the skewers pierce through. Capone opens his mouth and we see them run across his mouth and poke into his other cheek. His left cheek pokes out before we see the handful of skewers go through his mouth. Poking out of both cheeks. He grabs some tacks and shoves them into his mouth. He hits him with the Ordained superkick. Causing him to fall into the shelf.
One!
Two!!
Three!!!
Four!!!!
Five!!!!!
Capone shows signs of movement.
Six!!!!!!
Seven!!!!!!!
He gets to his hands and knees.
Eight!!!!!!!!
Capone uses the shelf to get back to his feet. A mouth full of tacks and skewers, the bloody man flips off AVB before kicking him and hitting him with a chin check. He limps out of the gas station with AVB following after a few minutes.
Hawke: Now where are these maniacs going?!
Randy: It looks like he's heading into a neighborhood Joey! Fans stay inside if that's your block. Two dangerous men are about to wreck havoc!
AVB catches up with him and hits him with a toy tricycle. The plastic toy blows Capone back a few steps. He grabs it and kicks AVB in the gut. He throws the toy away before locking in a head lock and running AVBs head into the stairs railing. The stairs shake. Capone grabs him again and lifts him up for a gut wrench powerbomb. His shoulder starts to hurt as AVB slips out and clubs it. Capone clocks him with a roaring elbow. The two are in front of the stairs now. Capone lifts him up for the razors edge.
Randy: Wildcat looking for the Cliff Dive! Onto the steps!
Hawke: AVB bounces off the metal like a ping pong ball!
The ref begins to count as Capone heads up the steps.
One!
Two!!
Three!!!
Four!!!!
Five!!!!
AVB gets up with the help of the steps as he follows Capone up. The two brawl up the steps now, both knocking each other down and making one another stumble on the way up. They manage to fight each other to the roof of the apartments. They trade blows thirty feet in the air. AVB. Capone. Back and forth. AVB goes for a Barry white driver, but his back hurts him too much. Capone stomps him a few times before dropping from a low blow. AVB grabs him and whips him towards the edge of the roof. Capone stops himself just in time. He turns around to block an Ordained superkick. He goes for a get got yakuza kick but misses. AVB grabs him and unleashes a flurry of punches to his head. Knocking him loopy. AVB goes for a superman punch but misses as Capone ducks under it. AVB near the edge now. Capone pulls something out of his pants.
Randy: Quick thinking from Capone! But what's he got out of his pants!?
Hawke: It's those bloody brass knuckles!
Wildcat punches AVB with the brass knuckles and he falls off the roof. He drops 30 feet and lands on a car in the parking lot below. The referee calls for the match. Capone stands on the roof and throws a few gang signs before raising his hand in the air. He flips off his fallen opponent as medical personnel rushes to both mens aid.
Bonnie Jenkins: Your winner of this match, Wildcat Capone!
Randy: I can't believe what we just saw! Wildcat Capone just punched AVB off the roof of an apartment building!
Hawke: Folks we're speechless at what we got done watching, but one thing for sure. If They somehow are able to wrestle after this, than there's a lot of bad blood that's going to be boiling until the next global event!
The lights in the arena shut off. The only thing that we see is the flashing of Brad Kane highlights on the video screens. As the highlights fill the screen, “And I Return To Nothingness" by Lorna Shore blares into the arena. The crowd gets to their feet yelling along with the lyrics.
"From the earth we will return
An inevitable fate
The undeniable truth
The paragon of life
Return to the earth
I shut my eyes and world drops dead
I lift my head and all is born again"
An inevitable fate
The undeniable truth
The paragon of life
Return to the earth
I shut my eyes and world drops dead
I lift my head and all is born again"
Lights go crazy as Brad Kane steps out onto the stage with that smirk on his face. He stands in the strobe lights feeling the energy of the arena pump through his body. Brad inhales before yelling out a war scream pyro exploding. The lights kick back on while Brad Kane begins his walk to the ring. Upon reaching ringside Brad hops up onto the ring apron. He stays there a moment to stare at the crowd before entering the ring. Kane goes to the corner heading up to the top turnbuckle. He yells out that same war scream as before, jumping off and doing the same on the opposite side of the ring. From there he stretches to the ropes while the song fades away.
Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing first, Braaaaad Kaaaaaaaane!
The lights go down as I Prevail's "Bow Down" begins to play, and as the song kicks the light flash on once, then off, then pyros explode as the lights flash on.
"GET ON YOUR KNEES AND BOW! DOWN!"
Spike Kane walks through the curtain, rolling his wrists, hand in hand as he heads towards the ring with a single focus.
Bonnie Jenkins: And his opponent, he is the XHF X*Crown Champion, Spike! Kaaaaaaane!
The arena buzzes with anticipation as the crowd roars, their excitement palpable. The spotlight illuminates the ring, the two figures standing at opposite corners. The Kane brothers—twins separated at a young age and reunited in the XHF itself, here to pay tribute to the fallen, and maybe even bury the hatchet.
Hawke: These two have gone to war all over the world.
Randy: And it’s never pretty!
Spike lunges, aiming for Brad’s legs. He slips around Brad, and hits him with a devastating Dragon Suplex, but Brad rolls through staggered, Spike seizes the moment as he lifts Brad high, crashing him down onto the mat, with a huge Spike Imapiler! The crowd winces as the impact reverberates. Brad groans, but he isn’t out yet. The ref slides in for the cover…
ONE!
….TWO!
KICKOUT! Brad kicks out at two, defiance etched on his face.}
Randy: Spike trying to finish this one early.
Hawke: Well he is double booked tonight.
Randy: I don’t know what you mean?
Hawke: InFamous?
Randy: That is Lord Dominicus and Senor Xtremeo, I don’t see the relevance.
Spike grins, circling like a vulture. He taunts Brad, mocking his “mat skills”. But Brad isn’t falling for it. As Spike drags him to his feet, he counters Spike’s brute strength with finesse, locking Spikein a tight headlock. He takes Spike down with a headlock takeover, and the crowd react as signs of life show in “Reckless Jack” He rolls through as Spike staggers back to his feet, kicking Spike in the knee and forcing him to drop to his knees. Brad hits a huge shining wizard before he hits the ropes and the crowd erupts as Brad devastates Spike with the “The Killshot”—a swift kick to Spike’s temple. Spike staggers, back to his feet, dazed and wobbly. But Brad, ever the student of the game steps in with a spin and hits a HUGE! BK BACKFIST! Spike drops like a log.
Hawke: Brad Kane may have just knocked out his brother!
Randy: That Backfist has done some damage over the years.
Hawke: There’s no way this isn’t over.
Brad scrambles over to get the pinfall on Spike, as the referee hops over the trailing legs of what seems to be an unconscious Spike Kane to count the pinfall.
ONE!
……TWO!!
…….THREE!?!?-NO!!!!
The camera zooms in to show Spike Kane’s foot on the ropes.
Randy: They always talk about Brad Kanes wrestling knowledge, but that was a veteran move there by Spike.
Hawke: Brad thought he had it won, but if it was just a few more inches away from the ropes it would have been.
Brad pulls himself back to his feet, as Spike regains his footing, fury in his eyes. He lunges again, but Brad sidesteps, Spike spins on a dime and goes for the kick to the gut, but Brad spins Spike#s foot away evading the “Thunderstruck.” Brad has studied his brother’s every move. He grapples with Spike, twisting him into a tight headlock. The bigger man being worn down having used up so much energy.
Brad Kane: Your Last Serenade!
Brad’s voice echoes through the arena. As he tightens the hold, Spike’s face contorting in pain. The crowd begins to chant Brad’s name. “BRAD! BRAD! BRAD!” Spike tries to fight, but his strength is waning with his oxygen supply diminishing. His eyes meet Brad’s, and for a moment, they pause, they are just brothers—two halves of a fractured whole.
Hawke: I think we’re venturing into soap opera territory.
Randy: I LOVE PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING!
With a roar Spike breaks free, desperation fueling his every move. He clotheslines Brad against the ropes, then whips him across the ring. Brad rebounds, executing a flawless dropkick that sends Spike sprawling. The crowd cheers, though it is clear Spike has some dedicated fans in the crowd also.
Randy: These two seem to have a counter for everything.
Hawke: Well, they do say twins have some kind of mental link, right?.
Spike staggers, but he isn’t done. He charges, aiming for Brad’s midsection. Brad counters with a snap suplex, the impact jarring Spike’s spine. Both brothers are winded, sweat-soaked, their bodies a canvas of bruises. They both lay there in the ring trying to get their wind and energy back. Slowly but surely a buzz begins to build in the crowd, and an applause begins to build the crowd showing their appreciation for the brothers.
Crowd: FIGHT FOREVER! FIGHT FOREVER! FIGHT FOREVER!!
Brad is the first to his feet and he climbs the turnbuckle, adrenaline surging with the crowd behind him. The crowd stands, their voices a tidal wave. Spike slowly rises, fury etched on his face. Brad leaps, executing a flying crossbody that knocks Spike off his feet. BUT HE ROLLS THROUGH!!! Spike rises back to his feet with his brother still in his arms. He charges into the turnbuckle causing Brad’s spine to bend awkwardly, Spike then shifts Brads weight before lifting him up to a modified BLOOD GOD’S WRATH!!!
Hawke: Oh it! Is! Done!
Randy: I felt that from here.
Spike places his legs over Brads arms as the referee comes running in to count the fall.
ONE!
……..TWO!
………….THRE-NO!! BRAD KICKS OUT! BRAD KICKS OUT!
Randy: What in the world?
Hawke: How did he have enough in the tank for that!?
As Brad pops out of the pinfall, he repositions himself and he grabs Spike! This could be it! —the moment that will define their legacy. Brad locks in the YOUR LAST SERANADE!!!! the crowd hushed. Spike’s eyes widen, realisation dawning ON HIM. He tries to fight, but Brad’s grip is unyielding. The arena holds its breath.
Hawke: I can’t believe it! We thought Spike had it won!?
Randy: These two have thrown everything at each other, within the confines of a wrestling match, nobody expected this!
Hawke: Can Brad finally get the acknowledgement that he’s the best wrestler in the Kane family?
Randy: He’s not letting go! Spike is fading!
Brad Kane (whisper): One last serenade
Spike locks eyes with his brother, and the rage and anger in both men's face begins to fade. Spike’s fighting becomes weaker, as he looks at his brother and closes his eyes. Spike’s body sags, and the referee checks his arm. Once… twice… but Spike’s hand shoots up!!! The crowd go insane but. Brad’s resolve hardens. He whispers to his brother, unheard by anyone else. “It’s time, Spike.”
Hawke: HE’S NOT OUT! HE’S NOT OUT!
Randy: WHAT IS HAPPENING!?
With defiance on his face Brad releases the hold, allowing Spike to rise. The brothers lock eyes, understanding passing between them. Spike staggers, his legs betraying him. Brad seizes the moment, executing a flawless leg takedown before transitioning once more into the “Your Last Serenade! The arena holds its breath as Spike’s body begins to go limp.….and Spike taps.
Hawke: WHAT!?!
Randy: Spike Kane just tapped out! What!?
The bell rings, and the crowd erupts. Brad collapses beside his fallen brother, tears streaming down his face. Spike lies there, defeated but not broken. As the crowd chants Brad’s name, he reaches out, clasping Spike’s hand and In that moment, the Kane brothers are no longer adversaries. They are family—twins reunited by destiny. The wrestling world will remember this match, not for its brutality, but for the bond that transcends victory and defeat.
Bonnie Jenkins: YOUR WINNER......BRAAAAAAD KAAAAAAAANE!
"And I Return To Nothingness" by Lorna Shore blasts out of the PA system, as the brothers embrace once more before Spike Kane holds up Brad Kane's arm and the crowd roar with approval. As the two brothers face off after their match, the lights of the arena dim and flicker. Then they go black, and the emergency lights come on. Spike looks up, and a horrible rasping laugh fills the air drowning out the murmurs of the crowd. The laugh gurgles and hisses, like some kind of demonic machine before it fades out. Then came mocking applause, clapping before a cold voice purrs.
"This Cain and Abel shit never gets old, really. But if you are leaving, old friend? Don’t we have unfinished business you and I?"
The crowd murmurs, and the voice hums before it rose again hissing and slightly off key as it sang in a whisper.
"Right proudly high in Dublin town
Hung they out a flag of war
'Twas better to die 'neath that Irish sky
Than at Sulva or Sud-El-Bar…"
Hung they out a flag of war
'Twas better to die 'neath that Irish sky
Than at Sulva or Sud-El-Bar…"
The crowd was starting to talk later, and the voice hissed with sudden rage.
"You know where to find me, God of Xtreme."
The lights came back on with a pop.
The Tron lights up in the arena and the face of the young man fans know as El Rey fills the screen. Below him the screen reads “Live via Satellite.” He smiles before he speaks.
El Rey: Hey fans. I would have loved nothing more than to have been there to celebrate my dear friend Steve.
He holds for applause.
El Rey: And of course Fizz was cool too. Unfortunately, I could not be there. As some of you may have read in the dirt sheets losing Steve had a profound effect on me.
El Rey reaches up and rubs a tear from his eye.
El Rey: After his passing I thought long and hard about how to honor my friend. I could have taken on AVB as my partner and won the HKW Tag Team Titles. I’m sure Steve would’ve been happy about that, but it just didn’t seem like enough.
He takes a deep breath after a brief pause.
El Rey: But when I met Steve’s former agent at his funeral I learned the best way to honor my dear friend. So I signed with that agent and I have moved to Hollywood to take up the mantle as the greatest pro wrestler turned actor, and that’s why I couldn’t be there tonight.
Another pause and a smile into the camera.
El Rey: So I honor Steve every day that I work, and soon, you too, will be able see me honor him as I play the young version of the great Vicente Fernandez in the Tubi original series about the life of the great Mexican singer and actor. Thank you for your support, and thank you Steve, we miss you.
Cut.
Wheezing and sneezing,
Tenfold it blew apart,
Steve Morrison: So here we are, welcome everybody, Steve Morrison and Cross Recoba taking over for an all Tapout exhibition contest
Cross Recoba: Yeah indeed with Tommy's last victory and Tapout 18 where he secured number one contender status with a win. Tonight, Tommy Strychnine's last two opponents to pay tribute to him in the ring
The lights slowly dim down to gloomy green. Mostly green, with some cyan LEDs here and there
It halved it in half,
And went gushing gust wind
And went gushing gust wind
Random McConalogue steps out, adding a Tommy Strychnine bandana and sleeveless t-shirt to her usual gear. She saunters down at her regular face, stopping to drop her towel off next to the ring steps before ascending to the apron and the turnbuckle, pointing upwards then casting imaginary dice into the crowd
Steve Morrison: And there's a nod to Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Rocker
Cross Recoba: Yup, it worked so well in November it was his entrance the next month for a title match...
She nods and looks up before the music fades and she drops into the ring for the token gear check, eyes looking up the ramp again waiting for the opponent
The opening thumping guitar and drum riff of "Unstoppable" by Disturbed hits the arena as the light sand blows across the entrance... And Aiden Merric appears, chewing and a solemn face as he pauses to look upwards for a second
Steve Morrison: Looking up, remembering Tommy Strychnine, is his last title match and last opponent, the Wonder from Down Under himself
Cross Recoba: I hope he's not armed as usual, there's definitely something in his hand, I can't see well amid the sandstorm
Merric walks clear down the aisle, clutching a bottle of sourmash, looking at Random with a smile and nod as she removes her bandana and t-shirt, keeping a neutral face
Steve Morrison: OH I see what he's brought... That's that sourmash, Tommy Strychnine's drink of choice for during those difficult high stakes main events!
Cross Recoba: That's the still alright. Random's too busy to rebut this, but she passed a concussion test clean after Tapout 18. That has to be down to sheer luck, right?
Merric rolls into the ring and the much larger referee immediately goes to take the bottle before the gear check. The music starts fading down as the lights reset themselves for the match. Aiden pulls his hand away and gestures to his opponent
Aiden Merric: Hey, let the lady drink first
He snatches the bottle back and offers the bottle to Random, who cautiously accepts and opens it
Steve Morrison: Big John Quinn is your official for this one, and earlier today he said he was going to take a more relaxed approach here
Cross Recoba: Yeah well, this sort of show has a different atmosphere. The competition can be less vicious, It's about who we've lost and grieving, it's about paying respect. There's no points or rankings tonight folks, it's all about expressing it...
Random takes a light sip of the sourmash, then a decent slug before handing it back. Merric takes a hearty swig, swallows and laughs before passing it to the referee, insisting he take it. The gear check has turned up nothing, apparently
Steve Morrison: A little warm-up for everyone
Cross Recoba: And I think they want Big John Quinn to join them
Random nods and gestures, and the referee takes a sip of his own as the two retreat to their corners
Steve Morrison: Are we going to have to read out a disclaimer about wrestling under the influence?
Cross Recoba: Does anyone on the network ever do that? Do we even have one prepared?
The bottle is carefully deposited... on the top ring step as the ref turns back to the competitors, and calls for the bell
DING DING
The two fighters slowly circle, settling themselves in as the bell fades
Steve Morrison: So here we go then, Merric and McConalogue, default rules but this is exhibition mode
Cross Recoba: That's right, no rankings or points at stake. No titles or reputations on the line, just a solid contest between the last two Tommy faced in the ring
They lock up, collar and elbow as Merric takes over with his strength advantage. Pushing back and down until Random can slip round to the rear waistlock to escape. Merric tries with a couple of elbows so then he reaches for the grip to break it
Steve Morrison: So far so routine!
Cross Recoba: Random can avoid those elbows with her head so low, but I don't see where she gets to from here that would be an advantage...
As he breaks it, Random lifts her knee into his back, nudging him forwards to release her hands fully. He throws a precautionary elbow as he turns, but she's stepped back in a grappling stance, looking for an arm to grab
Steve Morrison: The elbow doesn't land but no arm to grab!
Cross Recoba: Merric knows you don't show too much arm to Random McConalogue, and that goes double early on
Without an arm she resorts to strikes, peppering Merric's guarding arms with a few forearms, trying to force him back
Steve Morrison: The flurry of strikes but Merric stands his ground
Cross Recoba: It'll take a lot to get through there, and there's not a lot budging him in the early stage of this match
Random tries to swing a high knee, but Merric has it scouted and pivots slightly, managing to get a hold of one of her arms. She tries to free herself and spins, facing away from the Expert Hunter behind with her own arm wrapped round her, holding her tight
Steve Morrison: Merric gets control
Cross Recoba: And that could be a ripcord setup early on!
He pulls her arm, ready to unfurl for the strike... Random ducks under and heads for the ropes! Merric turns for a second go as she rebounds, starting to duck her head again
Steve Morrison: Forearm misses, but Merric gets a second shot
Cross Recoba: He has to go low here...
She ducks the second one and gets a leg behind his, gliding into an STO and rolling through with a hold of his leg. The referee slides in as Merric's shoulders settle ont he mat.
Steve Morrison: STO! And she rolls through! Into a Gannosuke Clutch!
Cross Recoba: POISON PIN! One of Tommy Strych's!
ONE
TWO
He kicks out almost vertically, sending the Infrequent Flyer's legs sailing through the air momentarily before her spine and pelvis drag them back onto the mat where they belong. Merric flops on top for and there's a second count
ONE
TWO
Steve Morrison: Kickout, and we have a pinfall exchange
Cross Recoba: Random took advantage of her opponent's higher centre of gravity to start this exchange, and Aiden Merric is fighting fire with fire
Random gets a shoulder up and immediately springs to her feet, grabbing the arm to pivot to a neat cradle for another fall...But Merric rolls through before one, managing to get to a strong lateral press with his full weight across her trunk
Steve Morrison: This early in a match, a pin attempt might as well be a weardown hold
Cross Recoba: They won't be looking to get a three, but you can sure as hell make your opponent work to kick out every time. And in Random's case, she can make you think so hard how you need to kick out just to add to it.
Random kicks out from underneath now and immediately flops over, hooking the leg
ONE
Merric immediately kicks out again. The two roll over to separate, crouched stances and back off carefully, Merric being extra cagey and checking where his arms are
Steve Morrison: Or just power out! And are we sure this exchange is done?
Cross Recoba: I'm not sure if this is over yet, and we've seen those flash finish rollups before
They both reach their feet circling, trying not to smirk as they go a full 360°, ready to lock up again. They step in... and his right arm disappears in a whirl of legs as Random rolls him down to the mat, locking it off en route to flat on his back on the mat
Steve Morrison: The Unfashionable End of the Western Spiral Armbar!
Cross Recoba: We're not getting a shock early cute rollup, and we're not getting a sudden lariat either here!
The Wonder from Down Under rolls through and uses his core power to sit up, McConalogue hanging off his right arm. Her tries to shake her off, then rocks forward towards one knee
Steve Morrison: And we're not getting an Armbar either!
Cross Recoba: Merric's trying to power through and out the other side of this one
...but only for half a second as he falls forward, Random landing with his right arm still in her grasp where it's trivial to bar that...
Steve Morrison: Fujiwara Armbar! Now we're getting one! Way off centre ring though...
Cross Recoba: Yep Aiden Merric's a lot closer to the ropes from rolling through and that should be an easy break
He can easily grasp the bottom rope with his left hand and does so. John Quinn spots it and casually calls for the break, not bothering to start the count. Random disengages and backs off while Merric pulls himself over the bottom rope to the floor for a breather
Steve Morrison: An easy break it is, and time for a breather
Cross Recoba: Yeah, this isn't for titles or rankings, there's always room to gather a thought
He stops at the ring steps and picks up the bottle. He takes a quick swig and ascends the steps, ready to resume. Random watches from vaguely near the opposite corner, head tilted
Random McConalogue: sarcastically Aw, ur we playin' drink for a rope break then(?!)
Merric breaks and then just shrugs sheepishly before he climbs in, big smirk across his face
Aiden Merric: Sounds about right!
He steps into a casual guard, circling as Random steps in... They lock up, Merric overpowering towards a side headlock as Random twists and turns to avoid it
Steve Morrison: Main Event Merric bristling with more confidence now!
Cross Recoba: Still going with that power and strength advantage
He works her round, and manages to take a half-step back with the hold on, getting comfy and leaving her in a facelock looking upwards, her legs out in front. He looks down, grinning, then takes her arm and throws it across her body...
Steve Morrison: I think it's about time to roll the dice Cross!
Cross Recoba: Indeed...
...and spins her round in the facelock. Throws her up and down over her knee ina n Ushigoroshi
Steve Morrison: nope, TOMMYKNOCKER! Straight from Strych's playbook!
Cross Recoba: He just threw her up like a ball of paper!
Random is on the mat slowly rolling over to find a corner as Merric nods, satisfied. He looks up to the lights briefly and stalks over the downed dice girl
Steve Morrison: The Hunter, looking to follow this up
Cross Recoba: And the Ethereal Mathematician, looking for a solution
Merric reaches down to pull Random up and out, but she keeps herself in the corner, getting to vertical. He takes advantage of his body being in the way of the referee's eyeline and pushes a forearm into her neck as he adjusts for a huge chop...
Steve Morrison: Now that power coming out, how will Random handle these big strikes?
Cross Recoba: It's a question that's been asked a lot, and every Tapout show she finds different answers for them
He gets a huge chop across the chest! She instinctively throws an elbow at his face. He takes a step back and grins. Another chop! Random feints an elbow, he avoids it and she spins into a forearm to the head! Merric shrugs it off and swings his left arm at her... She ignores it and goes for the right! Standing armbar... until he moves! She drops and tangles his legs in a drop toe hold, but Merric scrambles away from the heel hook, and that only leaves his right arm open to be grabbed and scissored
Steve Morrison: And there's an armbar attempt-...
Cross Recoba: He's fighting back, it's not immobilised
Merric fights off the arm, and gets an opening to take her arm and she goes with it, rolling over as he looks for a Fujiwara......she immediately pushes up with her free arm and rolls underneath, ending up on the other side of him, near the ropes
Steve Morrison: Counter attempt, Fujiwara is close, she escapes!
Cross Recoba: Escapes into the same position. He can reach the arm, she's next to him!
Merric grins and switches sides to grab the arm and secure the Fujiwara this time. Random barely struggles
Steve Morrison: And now it's locked in!
Cross Recoba: realising Yes but now she has the ropes to help!
She makes a small show of grabbing the bottom rope with a free hand and Jon Quinn calls it, with just a calm warning and no urgency to get to a five count
Steve Morrison: He finally got the Fujiwara locked in was in but so far from the center, and that leads to the break!
Cross Recoba: Merric's not a natural submission wrestler, but that raw power can cut through everything except good ring positioning
Random rolls out to the apron, taking the bottle of whiskey from the ring step in hand. She wipes it, takes a dainty shot or so and puts it back down before rolling back under. Merric has backed off to the middle, leaving her room
Steve Morrison: One drink to start, a drink for every rope break... Aiden knows Random's mostly a mat submission wrestler, right?
Cross Recoba: I think he was counting on that at the start, in all honesty
Random steps carefully in between the ropes, as Merric relaxes his posture. She switches pace suddenly, smirking as she darts in and unleashes a knife edge chop! And another before he can respond! And a third, before he can respond and get one back in!
Steve Morrison: Oh the chops were on and that was a cheeky feint!
Cross Recoba: That was playful, but it's an opening. Look at the grin on their faces, they both know it!
Merric chops back! McConalogue responds! McConalogue with another but Merric grabs her arm, takes her over his shoulder to the mat
Steve Morrison: THAT'S NOT A KNIFE!
Cross Recoba: Caught her flush!
He holds her, arm immobilised for the follow-up, but she swings her legs, freeing herself to trap his right
Steve Morrison: Western Spiral Armbar counter again!
Cross Recoba: But from a different place, and... she's stalling!
the much bigger Aussie Assassin turns and leans into her, forcing her to put a leg down for balance, leaving him with two arms free to pop her up into a European Uppercut!
Steve Morrison: And there's a Tranquilizer!
Cross Recoba: He's just tranquilized that one armbar counter. About 41 to go and he's set here!
Unsure what to do, with only her feet near him, he takes her foot into a standing heel hook. Random squirms and stretches, knowing the rope is there for a break and the sort of reward snooker players don't get any more
Steve Morrison: Follow up is there, but it looks like the ropes are in reach
Cross Recoba: Yeah this doesn't look like the hardest struggle to get to the ropes... yet
She reaches for the bottom rope, pushing up on the mat to show and try and get it broken early. Merric tries to pull her back, and Random feints to fall back then springs forward the last few inches and gets a clear hand around the bottom rope.
Steve Morrison: She gets free, and I don't know whether to talk or just laugh about that!
Cross Recoba: I don't think there's a way to get a stupid grin across verbally
Aiden mouths "oh for fuck's sake" and by the time he's done John Quinn is already starting the five count. The hold gets released and Random slithers out to the apron while he backs off to compose himself. Random is on her feet and uses the ropes to lazily saunter round to the ring steps and bends down to open the bottle for another shot
Steve Morrison: And I think this is established convention for this match now
Cross Recoba: I think that puts her one drink ahead, and I know people are keeping count at home. We've got Tapout fans watching!
She wipes the bottle with her towel, daintily places the open bottle back on the step and re-enters the ring, Merric giving her space to reset
Steve Morrison: And now another uneforced break
Cross Recoba: This is by convention, not stipulation, remember
She comes in looking to throw strikes like before. Merric is onto it and parries, staying still as she bounces off and starts throwing body kicks from slightly further away
Steve Morrison: Back to the strike battle!
Cross Recoba: Pound for pound, Main Event Merric wins these all day, but when you add in grappling and the transition to the mat, that might only win battles, not wars!
Random reels back, feints, then pumps her right foot to blasts through the guard with a big left boot that pushes through to his shoulder, sending him spinning 180 degrees
Steve Morrison: And there's a Shoe Event Horizon! Spins him one-eighty!
Cross Recoba: Straight through the guard, I don't think it got all the way through to the head
She backs up and goes again! A second boot hits the upper back and sends him stumbling, down to one knee to keep balance
Steve Morrison: And another! Taking her opponent down in instalments now!
Cross Recoba: As long as she can keep them up before he retaliates
Random runs for the ropes, springboards off and comes back knee first at his head and finally the Australian goes down as she lands awkwardly and has to pull herself up on the opposite ropes.
Steve Morrison: The knee! Off the ropes and it's the Kiss Me Deadly that gets him off his feet!
Cross Recoba: Right on the mat is exactly where she wants him, but she needs to get in and cover
She hesitates, makes sure she's up before scooting in for the delayed cover
ONE
TWO
TH-NO!
Merric's shoulder slips up! He rolls and gets to all fours in the middle of the ring. Random slowly comes into focus in the corner behind, setting herself for a big strike
Steve Morrison: Shaping up for a second V-Trigger!
Cross Recoba: Random's momentum may have peaked for now, can she maintain it?
She bounds across, knee first, but Merric drops and rolls away and up to his feet. He gets up and turns, trying to fix her position precisely
Steve Morrison: He avoids THAT one!
Cross Recoba: And the momentum shifts again!
Random steps towards, looking to throw herself around him for a takedown. Merric plants his foot and catches her! Backbreaker on one knee! He pulls her into a clothesline down from there before stepping past and out, throwing his head up
Steve Morrison: Trap Trick!
Cross Recoba: Turning the momentum back in his favour!
Merric looks behind him at his opponent on the floor struggling to try and get up. He steps to the apron and looks down at the ring steps, then back to Random. He ignores the bottle and grabs the top rope, watching her slowly rise to her feet
Steve Morrison: Merric to the apron, what's he doing there?
Cross Recoba: Big man's about to springboard maybe?
He grabs the rope as her head comes up and grips and gets his legs in the right position... Slingshots over in a slow, awkward flip. Random is standing but has no time to guard. She tries to sidestep as Merric plants his feet, but he dives through with an agricultural flipping clothesline and catches most of her!
Steve Morrison: There's a November Rainmaker! That Buckshot Lariat!
Cross Recoba: That's a big body to flip over those ropes, and a huge arm that's almost impossible to miss! That could be it!
Merric pulls himself round and up to see where he's going for the cover, shakes the cobwebs clear from his head and spends a few seconds scrambling across and turning the face down Dice Girl to cover
ONE
TWO
THR-...
She slips a shoulder out and just off the mat before it falls as flat as the rest of her. Aiden pulls up and has to half roll over to see the result
Steve Morrison: OH! Almost!
Cross Recoba: SO so close!
He regains composure on his knees, but Random is scooting, all knees as forearms as he's forced to crawl away. He flops down near the corner, Random all over his back... She bars an arm with her hands as he tries to pull himself out of the way
Steve Morrison: Armbar! Somebody Else's Problem! He's resisting! Random has him trapped!
Cross Recoba: We've seen this kinda thing before, but it might be too close to the ropes
His left arm trapped, he flails with his right trying to bat the feet away from locking them off, and also get it on the turnbuckle or rope. She tries hard to lock it in, but he pushes her feet off for a moment and reaches out towards the ropes, and through them
Steve Morrison: He has it broken! I think...
Cross Recoba: His arm looks through the plane of the ropes, John Quinn is been more relaxed about these five counts all night
Steve Morrison: Of course, this is an exhibition match on a special night, it's not about rankings or title matches or points or deep personal grudges
Cross Recoba: That's right, tonight's about remembering and putting on a real clinic more than getting the result
He reaches for the open bottle on the top step, and brings it back to the ring. Random can barely see but is fighting her urge to recoil. The ref has eyes on it...
Steve Morrison: Oh no...
Cross Recoba: We've seen this kinda thing before!
Merric takes a swig! He puts the bottle on the apron. His arm swings back into a blur of white boots trying to isolate it! They get swatted away as he throws his head back and starts roaring, powering himself up. Random cinches harder on the arm she's got and tries to pivot, almost trying not to look at the raw strength trying to overthrow the hold
Steve Morrison: Aiden Merric looking to just power his way out!
Cross Recoba: He's got the strength, but how much will it take out of him in the process?
Absolutely nothing, it turns out as he cackles at Random's horror... and then just grabs the middle rope! The referee swallows his laugh and slowly starts a five count, but the hold's already gone, McConalogue retreating to her feet while her opponent drags himself up slowly, composing himself.
Random McConalogue: You'll have had your drink then, aye?
A few pockets of audience down the front hear that and appreciate it.
Steve Morrison: Or he can just avoid the issue entirely!
Cross Recoba: Cashing in that forfeit just saved him a ton of work
Merric comes out of the corner swinging, gets nothing but his hand grabbed, and gives firm resistance. He walks Random to the ropes and shoots her off, leaning back on the ropes behind him...They come off opposite ropes at the same time, Merric swinging for a huge lariat... Random dodges with a pirouetting sidestep!
Steve Morrison: The contract goes unfulfilled...
Cross Recoba: But there's a second chance!
Merric comes off the opposite ropes while Random takes an elegant sidestep to go at right angles. Merric tries again and she grabs the arm, swinging her legs up and over
Steve Morrison: Here we go! UNFASHIONABLE END OF THE WESTERN SPIRAL ARMBAR!
Cross Recoba: NO! wait!
Merric rolls through and throws everything into his back to sit up, shoving her off his arm. He throws himself to his feet, facing away as Random snap rolls backwards to her feet before he can turn
Steve Morrison: The Aussie powers out!
Cross Recoba: He caught the momentum and used it against her!
She pumps her foot and lurches forward slightly awkwardly, left foot catches the shoulder as he turns, spinning him a full three sixty
Steve Morrison: SHOE EVENT HORIZON!
Cross Recoba: Didn't catch much. He's still standing!
Random shuffles back a step as he starts to reorient himself, and she leaps in with a rising big boot to the shoulder blade to send him stumbling towards the corner
Steve Morrison: And again! TWO IN A ROW! But Merric is still standing!
Cross Recoba: If it wasn't for the height difference, those would be head shots and he'd be on the floor!
Not wasting even a planck time, Random dives in, shoulder to his lower back, struggling to try and wrap the arms again, driving him into the turnbuckle
Steve Morrison: And there's that Rugby Tackle Spear! And Merric is STILL somehow standing
Cross Recoba: I don't like the position he's in now
She springs up, adjusting for balance, and the follow up shoulder is pretty soft but keeps him there. Merric throws elbows everywhere, covering the space
Steve Morrison: And now he fights back! He knows where she is!
Cross Recoba: Those elbows are looking agricultural, trying to clear the space to get out...
Random bobs, but manages to grab his left arm... then the other, pushing him into the corner clumsily before she starts to fade back. He tries to thrash his arms free, but she's already dropping back and down
Steve Morrison: No way, on a man this since, in this condition...
Cross Recoba: This isn't about strength, it's all momentum now
The Flash Finish Faerie throws herself backwards and down, dragging him by the arms. It's uncultured, there's no real lift, but Merric has nowhere to go but backwards, almost landing on her face as she pulls him down with what a court is legally required to call a Tiger Suplex
Steve Morrison: And that's a Babel Fish Argument!
Cross Recoba: Just about, but how much impact did she get?!?!
The two land awkwardly, Merric's legs flailing above him. Random releases the arms and still tries to roll over the top! She falls, pinning his left leg with her own, lying across him with her torso over, head and shoulder flopping down and pinning his right arm against him. Merric's right leg arches his knee pushes on her stomach, foot trying to clutch on one of her legs to pin!
Steve Morrison: The bridge fails... I think?!?!
Cross Recoba: Her balance was all over the place, and this looks messy and awkward, but this might still be a pinning predicament... who can blame them in this context?
The referee drops down to check and sees four shoulders on the canvas and hesitates, before starting a slow count with both hands
Steve Morrison: I think they're both down! Four shoulders, John Quinn is counting two falls!
Cross Recoba: And this could take a Master's degree to get out of! For either of them!
ONE...
They struggle, Random realising that if she pulls a shoulder up it's just going to free her much larger opponent to roll her completely up. Merric tries to rock out of it, realising all he can do is release her to slip on top of his legs and keep him there properly!
Steve Morrison: He's got to power out here!
Cross Recoba: Surely Random has some way to roll out of this?!?
...TWO....
The TWO comes slowly, as they slow down and stop. They look at each other, and then at the referee who is triple checking four shoulders with just his eyes....He looks back blankly! They stop struggling and just laugh in resignation
Steve Morrison: First one to move wins, surely?!?
Cross Recoba: Do they have a non-losing move left though?
And they stop moving, briefly holding each others gaze in a resigned laugh, letting it happen. The referee has no other choice as two big hands slowly come down
...THREE!
DING DING DING
Steve Morrison: Oh my word I THINK THAT'S A DOUBLE PIN!
Cross Recoba: I don't think anybody got out!
There's no music, just a stunned and confused audience. They softly flail their legs, pushing themselves apart. Laura Messier is on her feet, leaning towards the ring for an announcement. John Quinn is on all fours, leaning through the ropes with the call
Laura Messier: As a result of a double pinfall, this match has been ruled a DRAW!!!
The crowd is silent, except for one or two pockets about ten rows back
Some of the Crowd: ironically WAAAAEEEEY(!)
Steve Morrison: The exhibition contest has ended totally even, what are the chances of that happening?
Cross Recoba: (dryly) I'm sure someone will tell us before the night's out...
Random is up first, trying not to grin while she mimes a leg over her body with her hand. Merric slowly pulls himself up, gesturing with his shoulder and laughing as we cut to a brief replay of the Babel Fish Argument that gets messy, then the gamble on still rolling the former Tapout champion up
Steve Morrison: What a bizarre situation. Random McConalogue went for that Super Delfin pin, despite how the suplex landed and you can see there, she falls through and across Aiden Merric. Was there even a good move out of that?
Cross Recoba: If this was chess, that would be zugzwang! Neither one could break the fall without freeing the other and getting themselves rolled up. It's like the end of a Strych after party!
We cut back to the live shot, still no music. McConalogue is first to leave the ring, collecting her bandad, t-shirt and towel. Merric bails on the ramp side, sidestepping over to lift the bottle as the Ethereal Mathematician and referee both meet him join him
Steve Morrison: Are they gonna toast Tommy one more time?
Cross Recoba: There's no upper limit on a toast to Tommy Strychnine...
All three take one last glug, before Aiden takes the bottle and holds it up before pouring the rest out before the music finally plays, t-shirt over his free shoulder while John Quinn tries on the bandana
”Do you really wanna? Do you really wanna taste it?”
The three slowly head up the ramp as the fans soak in "Do You Wanna Taste It?" on a bonus play.
The crowd has grown increasingly hostile - all eyes on the ring.
Randy: What is HE doing here?
Hawke: Well fans it appears we have been joined by the self-proclaimed champion of the Network...
Gazoo - the dwarf painted green - holds up the HKW World Heavyweight title, the XHF Hardcore strap, and half of the WUK tag team championships. Behind his diminutive conscience, and belt rack, the Sunshine State Stud has set up a chair in the middle of the ring. Holding a microphone - the gator faced luchador looks up to address the arena. As the last man to wrestle Steve, Florida Man doesn't receive a warm welcome from the capacity Awesome admiring crowd.
Florida Man: ...I hear y'all... not too pliggity pleased with that Winter Wonderland match? Me neither. See with the exception of a month... Steve held the XHF Hardcore championship since February 2023. 278 days. Almost DOUBLE the amount of time that THE FOUR OTHER GUYS had COMBINED. ...let that sink in for a minute. Reigns like that are unheard of these days... and to do it while dealing with screwy Rising Sun hijinks? Must have taken a dang miracle for Steve to put that tiggity time in. So to put it frankly... I have a belt, but the only reason anyone cared about the XHF Hardcore division in the NETWORK ERA is STEVE AWESOME...
The talking cartoon alligator is making a lot of sense.
Florida Man: And if Nausicaä Suzuki had any class, she'd have RETIRED the title in memory of Steve immediately-
A lot of "Fuck Nausicaä" chants go up.
Florida Man: It was the right thing to do... but NOOOOOOooooooo they have to keep me appearing over there in J-RoK, so despite common decency, it looks like I gotta carry on Steve's Awesome Reality. ...Guess what I is trying to siggity say is, it wouldn't feel like a Steve Awesome tribute without an XHF HARDCORE TITLE MATCH-
That won the audience over-
Florida Man (turning to the entrance): We gotz any small malnourished children back there who want a shot?
...and he lost them.
Randy: J-RoK brass should put an asterix next to Florida Man's title reign to point out the quality of his competition. Steve Awesome had classics against Jason Long, Primal, hell, he beat Jesse Jamester so often it didn't feel competitive - but all quality opponents. If Florida Man is skating by on cheap defences like CJ and children, it's HIM who is disrespected the legacy, Joey.
Hawke: No need to get hot, Randy. That child remark had to be a joke-
"Dragula" by Rob Zombie pumps over the P.A. system, as that three-foot masked menace known as MISTER RIP'N'TERROR pushes through the curtains.
Randy: See?
Hawke: ......It looks like former GUNS Phoenix champion, Mr. Rip'N'Terror fits the description of-
Before the child can get half-way down the aisle, Marty Donovan races out of the back and grabs the small boy by the arm. Since losing his Disney gig, Marty Donovan doesn't much doesn't much care for treating children well, but in Tinto's case - if the brat gets roughed up, Ollie will have his head.
Mr. Rip'N'Terror (trying to wrestle himself free): But I need to teach that lizard brained butt head a lesson for ruining the Mischief Express!
Marty Donovan (kneeling): Look, I know you blame yourself for me and Kilroy breaking up...
There is a long beat where the small child and audience expect Marty to continue, but instead the Hardkore Florida promoter stands back up like that was the whole train of thought, and reassurances to the contrary would be lies.
Marty Donovan (waving at the ring): Sorry Flo!
Florida Man: Dang.
The audience doesn't like Florida Man for winning Steve's last match, but they despise Marty Donovan for all the horrible things he did to Steve over the past half year. Garbage is thrown.
Marty Donovan (sneering at crowd): Nice to see you all too. Sorry to curtail your child abuse entertainment, but I'm not with that company anymore.
Burn. Mr. Rip'N'Terror tries to bite Marty to get out of his nefarious adult supervision grasp - only for Marty to raise the arm higher to make the angle impossible for a bite. Getting desperate for a title shot - like a junkie - the masked Tinto starts gnawing on his own arm, but without the fighting spirit required to break skin. While the two struggle up to the entrance, another man emerges through the curtains.
Man: "I wouldn't mind a shot."
Florida Man: You're a little too tiggity tall for this here ride, scamp. I asked for a child - maybe, I can drop this strap to Lauren Matthews? She in the back?
That would be Steve Awesome's daughter. While Florida Man is mainly motivated by ending his J-RoK experience, and probably wants to lay down for Lauren, so that Nausicaä Suzuki can do the right thing by the Awesome family and retire the belt............. that isn't what the audience thinks, who are now throwing more garbage in the ring than at Marty.
Man: LAUREN could easily beat up a clown like you, but I am here so she doesn't have too!
Florida Man (yelling over to the announce booth): Who is this clown?
Randy (yelling back to FML): Phil Cameron. Ex-fiancee of Mandi Matthews. When Mandi and Steve were in an off period, Phil was the dependable foundation that the Awesome family needed, and deserved. He's an incredibly nice guy. We all hate him.
Phil Cameron (apparently hearing from the entrance ramp): That's right! When I first met Steve, I was a rival for Mandi's heart... BUT like everyone here tonight, I was instantly taken in by the quality of Steve's character. What an amazing human being. I couldn't compete with Steve Awesome - who could? I did the right thing, and cleared the way for their inevitable reunion, wishing them nothing but happiness. When Lauren grows up, I have no doubt that she will be just as great a wrestler as her father... but she's just a child. So if you're looking for someone to defend that belt against, I'm going to take great pleasure in kicking your butt on behalf of my friend, Steve!
Florida Man (ignoring Phil to continue his aside with the announce position): So he's not a pro?
Randy (yelling back): He only had like one match-
Florida Man (licking his lips with fake tongue): Fine, you want it, YOU GOT IT!
Randy (continuing): It was for the X*Crown-
Florida Man (triple take): Wait, WHAT? (yelling back down) How did he do?
Randy (cupping his mouth to yell): Way better than he should have-
Florida Man: On second thought...
XHF Hardcore Championship
Florida Man (c) vs "Steve Awesome Bromancer" Phil Cameron
Florida Man (c) vs "Steve Awesome Bromancer" Phil Cameron
Randy: Oh, Zoran murdered him. But it's nice to see Flo sweat.
Hawke: Well fans, Marty Donovan still trying to get Ti- Mr. Rip'N'Terror up the aisle - but it looks like we've decided on a new challenger and- OH THE HUMANITY! WHERE DID IT COME FROM!
Before Phil can make his way down, he's eaten by Dinosaur Bones.
Hawke: The Federation that walks on two legs just ate Phil Cameron!
The audience cheer for the returning dracolich - both because the man-eating fed disappeared months ago, and because no one liked Phil.
Dinosaur Bones: I GROW WEARY OF FEASTING ON APES, TINY LIZARD. YOU WISH TO OFFER YOUR REPTILIAN MEAT AS EMPTY CALORIE SUSTENANCE FOR FUTURE GENERATIONS? I MAY BE LONG IN THE TOOTH, BUT BY THE STANDARDS OF DRACOLICHES... THIS DREAD LORD IS BUT A HATCHLING AT HEART.
Florida Man: OH HELLS TO THE NO!
Dinosaur Bones (stomping down the aisle, salivating at the thought of its next meal): THE YELLOW OF YOUR BELLY HAS THE HUE OF SAFFRON - MY COMPLIMENTS TO THE CHEF.
Florida Man: Thanks for stepping up dino dude, but I just realized.... J-RoK won't let me defend this without some ultra violent stipulation, and its kind of late to order a swimming pool full of flesh ripping weasels...
Dinosaur Bones: THE APE SPECTATORS SEEM TO BE PREPARED TO DEFEND THEMSELVES AGAINST MY RAVENOUS APPETITE, AND APPEAR TO BE ARMED - WHY NOT LET THESE STUPID FLESHLINGS PROVIDE THE SKEWERS TO YOUR HORDERVE?
Florida Man: That's ridiculous. You have to advertise a Fan's Bring the Weapons match for them to provide- (looking out into the audience) dang that's a lot of axes.
As the T-Rex skeleton lumbers down the aisle, Marty Donovan finds himself dragging Mr. Rip'N'Terror towards the ring just to avoid having anything to do with the Dread Lord. Having less survival instincts, or content for dinosaurs, Rip'N'Terror tries to kick the beast - only to be held back. It isn't easy. Florida Man starts to ask Gazoo for a pep talk, only to find his lawyer has taken the various belts over to the timekeeper's table. Judas.
J-RoK Presents
XHF Hardcore Championship
Fan's Bring the Weapons Death Match
Florida Man (c) vs. Dinosaur Bones
XHF Hardcore Championship
Fan's Bring the Weapons Death Match
Florida Man (c) vs. Dinosaur Bones
Randy: And the challenger can chew ANYONE.
Hawke: We all know he wants out of his J-RoK responsibilities, but I imagine he'd rather be breathing when it hap- FLORIDA MANNING UP, attacking before the bell - dives out of the ring with a suicide dive!
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Forgetting his fear of heights - The Sunshine State Stud dives through the middle ropes, right into a tail swipe that sends him crashing through the steel steps. CATUNK.
DING! DING! DING!
Hawke: There's the bell - the Floridian trying to press the offensive, only to be caught in midair with a strike that sends his projectile dislodging the ringside steps.
Randy: Credit for the enthusiasm. I'm all about the liquid courage.
Hawke: Whatever he's on, rolling through the pain - and snatching up those steel steps as a weapon-
FML swings the steps like a baseball bat - but it's too awkward to get any real momentum on the shot, which the giant inflatable dinosaur skeleton promptly no sells. Wanting a bigger reaction, FML winds up for a bigger steel step spot - only for Bones to catch the steps in its mouth. Like a dog with a chew toy, Bones refuses to let go even as Flo really tries to yank it back. The two wrestle over the steps - ignoring fans who are reaching over the guardrail offering folding chairs, knives, jars of acid. Security really has their work cut out keeping the audience from leaping the guardrail to get their weapons on camera. Florida's pulling is energetic enough to move the action around ringside, the duo circling the ring in their ridiculously looking tug of war. Marty Donovan would like to escape this brawl through the audience - but these Steve Awesome fans are heavily armed and VERY HOT at him. Marty and child eventually duck into the time keeper's corner to avoid the cold blooded circle. Eventually the movement sees Florida Man backpeddle into the other ring steps - CATUNK! The other stairs are dislodged as well, as Florida Man tumbles backwards to the concrete floor. Before the gator faced luchador can recover, Dinosaur Bones pounces - attempting to eat the champion. Half-wits about him, Florida Mang brings up the now free steps - back into Bones giant mouth. Bones in a feeding frenzy bites down a dozen times, while Florida Man hangs onto the steel steps between the two for dear life. Eventually the steps are so lodged in Bones maw, that the dracolich raises its head, swinging the steps - with Florida attached - up in the air, and spits it out. Florida Man lets out the GOOFY SCREAM as he's flung through the air, another steel CATUNK brings the howl to a stop as Florida Man hits the ground HARD.
Randy: Flo getting over his fear of heights the hard way. He'll be back in Sky Force in no time.
Hawke: Champion rolling through the pain - kicking the steps at Bones-
CA-THUD!
Randy: That was way too heavy for him to punt it, definitely hurt his foot more than actually moved it-
Hawke: Not a field goal.
Limping, Florida Man ducks a tail swipe - then hops towards the overturned steps to get higher, hitting a handspring forearm - which catches Bones on the nose. Reaching up with tiny T-rex arms, Bones rubs his nose - but doesn't exactly move. Getting confident - Florida Man tries to repeat the spot - only to get caught in midair again with a tail swipe to the midsection that ROCKS him into the guardrail. Grabbing his ribs in pain, FML decides to fight fire with fire - by swinging his own tail.
Hawke: The Floridian bringing the little man syndrome HARD to this David and Goliath encounter with a handspring tail swing-
Randy: And Bones catches the tail.
There comes the GOOFY getting his foreskin caught on a bullet train YELL again, as Bones swings Florida Man around by the gator tail like a rag doll. Eventually some of the cheap material that FML's tail is made out of shreds, and Florida is sent again into the guardrail. From holding his ribs like they are broken, Florida Man quickly forgets to sell this grievous injury when he realizes his tail is no longer straight. OH. NO. HE. DIDN'T. You don't mess with another dude's literal tail. Is nothing sacred? THIS MEANS WAR!
Hawke: Florida Man holding his slightly drooled on tail, hyperventilating like someone just murdered his family.
Randy: Things are about to get serious-
Hawke: Florida Man grabbing a weapon from an audience member- what is that in his hand? A Steve Awesome action figure?
Randy: ....well it almost got serious.
Hawke: The Floridian attempting to shiv the monstrous balloon with the toy... NO SOLD, I don't think that plastic is as hard as the champion thinks.
Randy: Yeah, those toys kill if you step on them, but otherwise-
Florida Man (passing by): Thanks Randy!
Randy: I'm not helping you! Stop listening to the announce position!
Hawke: He would benefit from focusing on the defence...
Racing around ringside, Florida Man ignores actually dangerous weapons to grab Steve Awesome action figures - tossing them on the floor in the hopes that Dinosaur Bones will hurt its feet. Maybe even burst. As dozens of Steve Awesome action figures are crushed under foot, they don't seem to slow the colossal beast. Getting desperate, Florida Man starts to throw the figures at Bones - they bounce off his chest. Such flagrant disrespect to Steve! Florida Man wonders why the audience aren't turning on Bones for not treating each Steve toy like a magnum shot. Instead the audience seems to be more annoyed by Florida Man destroying all this Awesome merch and booing THE HERO. Is this Bizarro world? In fairness to the audience reaction, they aren't actually offering their precious Steve memorabilia as weapons - and Florida is just snatching the toys away. ...often from crying children.
Randy: Was that a broadsword?
Hawke: There are audience members offering swords to Florida Man - despite how much everyone wants to see him get eaten - just so their weapons will be used. But he is insisting on making that toy jab work.
Randy: He's also prioritizing purses - so he may turn a profit yet.
Circling the ring, Florida Man snatches purses, wallets, rings - so that even if he gets ripped in half, at least the evening won't be a total wash. Florida's gotta Florida. The duo continue to run around the ring, but as FML searches through purses - throwing away handguns to try to find coin purses, Dinosaur Bones closes the gap. OH NO! Going back to the well, Florida Man pries a Steve Awesome action figure from the hands of a five-year-old to toss at the raging skeleton! This one bounces off Bones' nose.... and falls into his eye socket. ENRAGED, Dinosaur Bones charges forwards with a headbutt to the midsection, into a backdrop that gets Florida Man so high in the air, the champ is sent flying back into the ring like a lawyer through a portapotty.
Hawke: Action finally going back in the ring. Dinosaur Bones following Florida Man back in - only for FML to try to catch him on the ropes.
Ignoring a series of rapid-fire axe-handle chops, Bones rocks Florida Man off him with a headbutt, before finally entering the ring. Florida Man tries to shake off the headbutt, as Bones charges in with teeth bare - only for the beast to eat a KIRA'S JAWBREAKER that rocks the dead dinosaur back into the ropes. Rather than rely on the GUNS Fight Club skills that might actually give him a fighting chance, Florida Man immediately gives up on his MMA striking for another handspring tailspin - hip attack - that Bones gets under with another hellacious backdrop. Florida Man is almost sent out to the floor, but hits the top rope hard, and slumps towards the hungry beast. Barely able to stand, Florida Man calls for a test of strength. Bones obliges with his tiny T-Rex arms - which gives him enough space to just bite Florida Man's head off. FML pivots from left to right to avoid decapitation. Eventually to avoid losing an arm, Flo breaks the test - but hangs onto one tiny arm, working an arm bar. Bones continues to try to bite away, but from the side position - Florida Man is able to avoid those sharp teeth, while impressing no one with his arm work.
Hawke: ...
Randy: ...Now, I'm no New York wrestling psychologist... but of Dinosaur Bones many strengths... the one body part I wouldn't think needed wearing down were his incredibly short arms.
Hawke: ...
Frustrated by his meal, Bones attempts to hiptoss out of it - only to get taken over with a Japanese arm drag. The ring looks ready to buckle under the weight of the federation that walks on two legs - but seeing Bones taken over gets the crowd alive. ...Who really hope the beast crushes the Floridian like a Tornado riding Kansas farmhouse. Bones down, Florida Man leaps onto the second turnbuckle, then remembers to sell his vertigo - and slowly climbs down to the bottom turnbuckle before delivering a diving fist drop.... to the tiny arm. Yes, Florida Man has decided to impress the audience with his serious ring psychology against a T-Rex skeleton. Always happy to repeat a spot, Florida Man goes to second turnbuckle again... gets brave... goes all the way up to the top... what is he crazy? Goes back down to the safety of the second turnbuckle, then relapses back to the first for his big arial maneuver. In this time, Bones has managed to recover. Not wanting to be caught "up top" Florida Man jumps off the bottom turnbuckle to the safety of the canvas, just in time to eat a tiny T-Rex armed forearm smash. Bones uses the arm that was worked over, then remembers it has been worked over, but still doesn't act like it hurt him too. Florida Man is knocked back into the corner, but explodes out with a leg lariat - that does not take the brute down, and might hurt the self-proclaimed luchador more than Bones. The beast spins around to follow FML, going deep in the well for... another bite, only for Florida Man to snap off a DEVASTATING right cross.
Florida Man: You WILL be Mike Tyson to my Jake Paul!
...weird flex. Florida Man dives on top of his Iron Mike for 1... 2- big kickout. First to his feet, Florida Man kicks and stomps away at Bones - mostly targeting the left arm, but actively trying to keep the beast down. For his part, Bones completely ignores this effort - possibly because he's not aware of it... or maybe he's just fighting through the pain? The audience cheer on Bones powering through, rising to his feet. Biting into Bones throat, then applying a choke, FML goes for the DEATH ROLL - but Bones puts the breaks on. The two struggle in the middle of the ring, with Bones losing steam, and starting to pass out... when referee Sly Huntington notices the Dinosaur's tail in the ropes, and demands a break. Florida Man argues that tails shouldn't count for rope breaks and hangs onto the choke for a five count before finally relinquishing it. FML tries to reapply it, when Bones buries a knee in his gut, then steps over for a rocker dropper. Accidental 1 count as Bones is getting up, then the Dinosaur just stomps away at Florida Man's injured ribs, occasionally standing between stomps long enough for a one count. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. Grabbing Florida's legs to prep him for dinner, Bones accidentally applies his own Death Lock. Screaming like Goofy, FML desperately reaches out for the ropes, but is no where near them. After a gruelling two minutes, Florida finally makes the break by biting Bones' tail! Two can play at that game. Florida rolls out from under a double foot stomp, ducks a Torn Asunder attempt, rebounds off the ropes and hits a cross body block - only to grab his ribs in agony. Bones runs in with a +1 Air Fist, but is rocked with a Fried Chicken Leg out of nowhere. This is a fatal mistake, as the smell of chicken sends Bones into another rage. FML hits chicken shot after chicken shot, but Bones just hulks up, sniffing the air. Eventually Flo tosses the chicken at Bones, who catches it in his mouth - and energized, nails a Hyakuretsukyaku for 1, 2, 3- Bones tries to bite the referee, breaking his own pin attempt. Bones starts to go for a Torn Asunder, but Florida Man blocks it with a Darwin Award out of no where, then hits a Miami Dolphin Kick for 1, 2, in the ropes. Having no concept of size, Florida Man goes for the MIND BLOWER only to grab his pained side. Bones shoves the lesser lizard off, and again goes for a Torn Asunder - only to eat a European uppercut by way of Florida. FML again goes for a Miami Dolphin Kick - this time Bones gets his tiny arms up to block, only to immediately regret the reaction, as he holds his left arm in agony. Leaning under, Florida Man actually manages to get Bones off the ground for the world's most awkward MIND BLOWER. 1, 2, 3- tail in the ropes. MARCECHOCHICKNEE only gets 2. Changing tact, Florida Man starts to play possum - but as Bones gets up, he shoots in for THE BIGGEST PACKAGE. Rather than get pulled over, Bones sits straight down - crushing FML like a bug for 1, 2, foot in the ropes. DB gets up long enough to bite Florida Man, and take him over with a Torn Asunder for 1, 2, 3- shoulder up. The bite from move completely opens Florida Man up, who is now bleeding profusely. The smell of gore in the air get Bones excited enough to leap up for a-
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Hawke: CRESCENT MOON MEMORIES CONNECTS!
Randy: Put a fork in Flo, because he is DONE.
Hawke: Referee Sly Huntington sliding in for the 1, 2, 3-
Randy: NEW CHAMPI-
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The crowd throw trash at the ring, as Marty Donovan breaks the count with a Costa Pacifica Sunrise. ONLY Marty and Phil Blauer are on good terms now, so he instead chooses to flip off Phil Cameron in Bones' stomach.
Hawke: Are you kidding me? Bones was almost hardcore champion, but Florida Man's Epcot Mafia partner, Marty Donovan makes the save.
Randy: That should be a DQ! Marty arguing that one of the fans brought him, so technically he's a weapon. You're not buying that Sly?
Hawke: Apparently he is.
Randy: Damn it, Sly. Which one of us has a drinking problem?
Hawke: The Epcot Mafia putting the boots to Dinosaur Bones. Bones should by rights be the XHF Network's Hardcore champion - if not for this double team effort by the WUK Tag Team Champions!
Randy: Bones already controls two thirds of the Network branded titles. He doesn't need any more!
Hawke: I'm surprised to see Marty getting involved.
Randy: OH, I can explain that- as much as Marty hates all things J-RoK and Dinosaur Bones eating people with a passion, he has a vested interest in Flo staying the Hardcore champion. See FML is kind of a BIG personality, and the only time Marty gets a break from him is in Hardcore Florida. If Flo didn't have to tour Japan monthly, he'd probably find out his best friend was a wrestling promoter, head down there, and Marty would lose his only safe haven. So Marty is double teaming Bones like his OWN title was on the line!
Hawke: ...No, I meant because he had to watch Tinto...er... Rip from getting in the ring.
Randy: It looks like he left Gazoo to take over the babysitting.
Sitting at the timekeeper's table, Gazoo sees the camera and gives an OFFICE Jim look, before shrugging.
Hawke: Uh oh.
Mr. Rip'N'Terror looks ready to win this match he's not part of, and steal the Hardcore Title for the glory of Hardkore Florida.
Hawke: We don't need another child endangerment lawsuit. And if Mongo's Favourite Affiliate ever gets up from under the Mafia, he's libel to chow down on Rip like an appetizer!
Randy: Don't worry, Rip can't get into the ring.
...the stairs were destroyed, and the ring apron is too tall for Mr.Rip'N'Terror to climb. The little boy is now stacking thin memorial programs in a pile, hoping the extra height will do it, and running into them like a scene out of a Herzog flick. Meanwhile the audience who hate Florida Man for getting a win on Steve, REALLY hate Marty for the whole NCW thing - so the ring is getting pelted with trash as the duo go to town on the now babyface man eater. The Epcot Mafia set Dinosaur Bones up for a double leg lariat, only to eat double tiny arm closeline that sends them both out to the floor. The sinister duo don't have much time to regroup before Bones follows them out with a senton off the apron to the floor.
Hawke: All three men on the outside- and this time welcoming the weapons that the crowd are giving them.
Randy: About time.
Hawke: Dinosaur Bones has a double bladed AXE! Who brings that to a wrestling show?
Randy: Steve Awesome fans. Never know when a shit storm is going to hit.
Hawke: But for Bones AXE, The Epcot counter with........... more action figures.
Marty Donovan (holding up Spike Kane action figure): Okay, whose the joker?
Florida Man (reassuring his partner): I have a feeling THIS time it will work.
With Spike and Steve in hand, the Epcot Mafia turn the power of childhood joy against the concept of a Dinosaur skeleton sporting medieval weapons- and almost have their heads taken off. ...The Epcot Mafia run.
Florida Man: Maybe if we get ALL the Bang Bros figures together, their combined power can stomp him?
Marty Donovan (yanking a REAL Lord Dominicus figure away from a crying six-year-old): Is this one of the Bang Bros?
Florida Man (head butting an old man to get his vintage Charlie Velez toy): Nah. The other masked one-
Nodding, Marty snatches an El Combatiante from the same child. Rather than return the LD toy to the kid, a disappointed Marty stomps on it.
Dinosaur Bones: LEAVE THAT RELIGIOUS ICON ALONE!
Seeing them desecrate a graven image of his friend Dominicus, a LIVID Dinosaur Bones trades his axe to a member of the audience for a morning star. The Epcot Mafia continue to scramble for a complete set of action figures that might somehow be useful as a weapon, while Bones chases them with ball and chain swinging. It should be noted that Bones small arms mean that he is mostly just hitting himself in the back of the head with morning star, but like everything else, he doesn't seem to notice the pain. Florida Man grabs a kendo stick meant for Bones - only to have it broken in half by a morning star shot. His mask is too cheap for the eyes to bug out, but they still BUG OUT. As Bones is handed a katana, Florida Man retreats back to his partner.
Florida Man: Any luck.
Marty Donovan is trying to get a President Kanyon with kung-fu grip figure away from a teenager who also has a nail gun. While the fan tries to threaten Marty with the nail gun, Flo reaches behind and snatches the toy.
Florida Man: Success! Alright Bones- with there powers combined, say hello to the BANG BROS!
Awesome. Kanyon. Combatiante. Kane. Velez. Who knows what magnificent secret will unlock when these great friends are brought together? The Epcot Mafia hold up their secret weapon.
Florida Man: EAT THIS!
Dinosaur Bones: THAT IS THE PLAN, EVOLUTIONARY BACKSTEP.
Marty Donovan: ...uh... Flo... what is suppose to happen?
Florida Man: There powers combine to make Captain Planet!
Marty Donovan: Those are The Planeteers!
Florida Man: So what do the Bang Bros do?
Marty Donovan: ...dick jokes?
Florida Man (optimistic): A dick joke so funny that Bones laughs himself to death? ...again?
Meanwhile, the Kanyon owning fan has given his nail gun to the skeleton. The Bang Bros set are thrown up in the air, as the Epcot Mafia are chased around ringside by a nail gun shooting dracolich. Even fans that catch a random nail in the eye, still cheer on Bones - Steve would have wanted the dinosaur to consume those horrible Epcotians.
Randy: DAMN IT! I almost took that nail to the face!
Dinosaur Bones: YES.
Why do fleshlings state the obvious? Randy takes a drink to calm his nerves - and the beer can is the only thing keeping another nail from hitting him in the face.
Hawke: Epcot Mafia going after real weapons this time and return with-
A ruler and a protractor.
Marty Donovan: What are we doing algebra? Because you might be on your own.
Florida Man: ...edge is sharper than it looks.
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ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
No Zoran Sainovic is probably still fighting Pepe Morales inside the beast, that buzzing sound is not a speech impediment, but Dinosaur Bones chainsaw.
Randy: WHO GAVE HIM A CHAINSAW!
With his tiny T-Rex arms, Bones seems more like to saw himself in half. The Epcot Mafia drop their school math sets, and make another run for it - while the beast chases them with a chainsaw.
Hawke: At least he won't swallow them whole-
Randy: I'm getting dizzy watching them run... and with that chainsaw, someone is going to get murdered. But Bones can't overtake them, and they can't get a decent weapon to literally save their lives.
The Epcot Mafia finally roll back into the ring, reasoning that Bones will just disembowel himself trying to follow them. The dracolich wasn't born yesterday, despite his official biography saying as such, and cuts the rope to enter- before the chainsaw runs out of gasoline.
Dinosaur Bones: ...nuts.
A disappointed Bones drops the saw, ready for ROUND 8.
Mr. Rip'N'Terror: I made it!
The little boy has apparently stacked enough programs to get into the ring. Irritated, Marty shoots Gazoo an icy look, before exiting to take the child out. This leaves Bones and Florida Man to a final showdown. Extending his left claw, Bones motions for the audience to throw him a weapon. Something comes flying through the air-
Hawke: Audience tossing Bones another- what is-
Randy: Florida Man intercepts it-
Florida Man: HA! Now you'll pay! Prepare to be dissected by.... uh...
A DVD copy of Shit Storm 2. ...the best one.
Hawke: It's a home video of one of the Shit Storm movies.
Randy: Number 2, the good one.
Hawke: Is it?
Randy: Citizen Kane of shit storm movies.
Before Florida can go to town, another case is tossed to Bones. Shit Storm 2.
Hawke: Are we seeing what I think we're seeing-
Randy: Yes. But I'd rather you said it.
Hawke: .......DUELLING SHIT STORMS!
DVD cases in hand, the two maybe reptiles start to swing their DVDs like weapons, slapping into one another again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again..... until the two finally hit one another's cases so hard that-
SMMMMMMMMMACK!
They are knocked out of the ring. Dinosaur Bones shoots out his hand - another Shit Storm is tossed to him, but Florida tries to swipe it. Ain't no one throwing him weapons. Florida misses, so has to think fast to snatch the next copy thrown. Again it is knocked to the canvas. Suddenly multiple copies are thrown. Not really to either performer. The audience want Bones to catch it, but he has tiny arms, and no great vision. Maybe if they throw enough, he'll get one eventually?
Randy: OUCH!
Hawke: The ring filling up with copies of Shit Storm 2. Feels like every person in attendance is throwing their copy at the ring, hoping that Bones can use it to brain Florida Man. Referee Sly Huntington fleeing the hundreds of projectiles that are being tossed - the room just filling up with DVDS. Apparently they all replaced their copies with blurays and don't need the DVDs anymore. Or they just want to see Florida Man murdered? Either way.
Dinosaur Bones and Florida Man are up to their waists in Shit Storm 2s - they'd drown if the cases weren't spilling out over the side of the ring. The audience have really good throwing arms. Seeing Florida cover up, Bones spots an opportunity to get another tail swing in - and spins around... only to slip on some Shit Storm 2.
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The mammoth tumbles backwards, the impact causes Florida Man and thousands of Shit Storm DVDs to get catapulted up in the air, before gravity has them all crash down.
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Neither monster is visible under the mountain of archaic media.
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Leaving Mr.Rip'N'Terror to collect discarded toys, Marty Donovan grabs Sly Huntington by the neck and rolls him into the ring. The referee doesn't seem to know what's happening but makes the three count... 1... 2... 3.
DING! DING! DING!
Randy: Wait, how can they tell there was a pin?
Hawke: I certainly can't see either wrestler - let alone who would be on top.
Bonnie Jenkins questions Sly Huntington outside, with Marty Donovan providing his two cents until Huntington agrees. Bonnie looks skeptical, and not at all pleased with how this ended.
Bonnie Jenkins: Are you sure?
Sly Huntington: Marty Donovan's word is his bond.
Bonnie Jenkins: The winner of this match and STILL XHF HARDCORE CHAMPION, FLLLLLLLORIDA MAN!!!
Randy: How do you like that?
Hawke: The audience letting us know how they feel about that decision- by booing and throwing more Shit Storms DVDS at the ring.
Brushing aside a few DVDS, Marty uncovers Bones foot.... chooses to ignore it, and searches another section. Yeah, that tail is genuine. Marty drags his tag team partner out from under all the debris. Florida Man looks completely out of it... and ready to fight Bones some more, until Gazoo delivers the three championships.
Randy: When J-RoK officials see what went down here, I'm sure they'll devise a match that will make Florida Man wish he'd never retained.
Hawke: It certainly feels like the Epcot Mafia stole the win...
Randy: Feels? They DEFINITELY stole it.
Hawke: Fans - if you disliked what you saw? A reminder that Marty Donovan and Florida Man are part of the Philthy Animals in Hardkore World - where they are genuinely despised. Alternatively if you liked it - The Epcot Mafia are beloved in W:UK.
Randy: They are going to come to a bad end.
Hawke: A real shit storm.
As Marty tries to collet RIP, Florida Man poses with his J-RoK handled Hardcore title, HKW World title, and WUK Tag - while the audience throw other shit at him. The celebration is short lived as Dinosaur Bones slowly rises out of the mire of DVD cases... with a look in his pitch black eye like he wants to add the Epcot Mafia to his self-named federation's roster. Swallowing hard, the Epcot Mafia make a break for it - having to carry a kicking and screaming Rip with them. The Mischief Express would have let Rip collect all the toys. Bones roars, then lumbers after the departing entourage.
The ring has been replaced by the massive brightly colored latex walls, like some sort of highly inflated castle. Shitstorm movie posters featuring Steve Awesome have been printed all over the bounce house. The thing seems to vibrate every few minutes as the compressors force air inside to keep the massive structure inflated. The fans of course love it!
Hawke:Coming up next is our Bounce House of Terror Match. Joining me on commentary is rich widower and Hardkore World commentator, Phil Blauer. Happy to have you here, Phil.
Phil: No problem, Hondo. I just want to state for the record, my appearance today is not related to another embarrassing story from Randy Angel’s past. He didn’t catch his brother Nelly making out with his ex-girlfriend Sasha in a bounce house.
Hawke: Thanks, Phil. Anyway…
Phil: Don’t get me wrong. Nelly and Sasha were attached at the hip. Poor Randy had to watch them lip locking day after day. Anywhere and everywhere. We just don’t know for a fact if he ever saw them doing such in a bounce house. Maybe at some sort of family function?
Hawke: Got it. We have two great teams…
Phil: No sir, the reason I am here is because of a lifelong love of bounce houses. Even to this day, I can’t avoid the siren call of one. If I had a dollar for every time I stopped at some random kid’s birthday party and got a few swanton bombs in.
A countdown to ignition is accompanied by horns as the lights drop. As they hit one, a fart noise echoes around the arena until the 1993 UK Christmas No.1 'Mr Blobby' by Mr Blobby resonates across the venue.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following tag team match is scheduled for one fall. Your official is Papito. Super Saki presents a Bounce House of Terror Match sponsored by the Shitstorm movie series Inspired by the book that is loosely based on a Rat Bastard Acid trip had in remembrance of his friend Steve Awesome. Entering first, at a combined weight of “pounds and then some”...they are THE CRINKLY BOTTOM BOYS!
Stepping out from behind the curtain, Noel Edmonds and Mr Blobby emerge to a mixed reaction. Noel Edmonds wears tracksuit bottoms and a flowery Dad shirt. Mr Blobby, in contrast, comes out au naturel except for a set of ear guards that make him look like Rick Steiner was smashed together with a blancmange.
Phil: Dear lord almighty, what on Earth is that hideous abomination?
Hawke: Blobby? He’s a beloved British television character dating back to the early 90s.
Phil: IT'S BRITISH TOO!?!
Phil takes off his headset and exits through the crowd.
Hawke:Phil! Come back!
As they walk down the aisle, Noel Edmonds looks focused or maybe just irritated at how his career turned out. Mr Blobby follows him, he snaps open a Sherbert dib-dab and snorts it before dropping the wrapper on the floor. Edmonds leans into the aisle camera.
Edmonds: All you are is energy, remember that!
Blobby however, has got distracted, silly Blobby! He's handing out his hotel room number to a gaggle of 5 out of 10s who came with their children to the event! Edmonds looks behind to see his partner not focusing on the match and grabs an ear guard to pull him down the aisle to the ring. He points towards the ring and watches as Blobby looks to roll under the ropes but finds he is simply too large to fit. The Pink and Yellow Peril realises his mistake and stands up and shakes his head before leapfrogging the top rope.
Hawke: I…I guess I’m doing commentary by myself?
Edmonds rolls under the bottom rope and rips off his trackies and Dad shirt to reveal a wrestling singlet that is patterned with boxes from Deal or No Deal. They head to their corner as they await the bell.
Bonnie Jenkins: And their opponents! Making their way to the ring at a combined weight of 489 pounds, they are…EL BANG! HERMANOS!!!
A DJ Marshmello crafted mash up of The Game’s “One Blood” and Metallica's "Don't Tread on Me" plays over the PA as Curtis and El Combatiente emerge from the entryway wearing their Fireside tag team titles. Curtis also has a sledgehammer over one shoulder. El Combatiente's manager Javier follows shortly behind them. They look around soaking up there surrounding. Curtis hoists his hammer into the air. El Combatiente breaks into a full sprint for the ring and pauses at the billowing doorway in confusion.. Curtis and Javier slowly walk to ringside and chat. El Combatiente stretches beside the stairs preparing for the match to begin as Curtis climbs the stairs leading into the bounce house and points to the crowd with his hammer, then hoists it straight up into the air and yells "BANG!"
Hawke: Steve Awesome was no stranger to battles in bounce houses. This match will be a fitting tribute.
From the people that brought you Shitstorm: The Musical
Super Saki Presents...An Off the Wagon Production
A match sponsored by the Shitstorm movie series
Inspired by the book that is loosely based on a Rat Bastard Acid trip had in remembrance of his friend Steve Awesome
Bounce House of Terror Match
El BANG! Hermanos vs. the Crinkly Bottom Boys
Super Saki Presents...An Off the Wagon Production
A match sponsored by the Shitstorm movie series
Inspired by the book that is loosely based on a Rat Bastard Acid trip had in remembrance of his friend Steve Awesome
Bounce House of Terror Match
El BANG! Hermanos vs. the Crinkly Bottom Boys
Papito calls for the bell. Blobby and Noel charge forward as the Bang Bros. enter the bounce house, with Blobby plowing right into El Combatiente to send him crashing into the wall. The whole structure shakes, the wall bulging outwards before El Combatiente bounces back inside to be leveled with a lariat from the monstrous Blobby.
Hawke: A big hit from the pink and yellow Stan Hansen!
He bounces back again, and Blobby grabs him to throw him at the billowing floor of the structure! Combatientye bounces down and away, and the fans boo!
Hawke: Obviously fighting in a structure like this provides completely different challenges. Some moves that are normally impactful are now harmless. Conversely, the spring in the step can also make high flyers extra dangerous.
Meanwhile Noel had fired off a few punches at Kanyon, but only enraged the former president who grabs the older man to fling him overhead into the wall of the bouncy house! He crashes into the wall, and comes careening off to somehow bowl into Kanyon who makes the whole house shake as he topples!
Hawke: Oh no! Papito got caught in the crossfire too. He probably wishes he stuck to his duties as Hardkore Florida commissioner.
Papito and Noel lay in a tangle, and are flung aside by the rising Kanyon! He charges at Blobby, wrapping his arms around what may or may not be his throat! Squeezing and twisting as everyone tries to regain their feet as the bigger members of their team struggle back and forth.
Then Blobby grabs his legs, and hurls himself backwards to crash down on Curtis Kanyon!
Hawke: The beloved BBC character collides into the White House Wrestler. We could have an international incident here!
The whole structure shakes and wobbles, and the compressor fires up as everyone is dropped on their faces as Blobby and Kanyon disappear into the floor before bouncing back up. They come apart in the air, and Kanyon rolls aside to hit a low wall. Blobby bounces up and down, making Blobby noises as he flails. Leveling Combatiente again, and crashing down on him!
Hawke: Blobby with the first pin attempt!
The ref slides over for a cover, and the fans groan!
1….
….2….
……Kanyon stomps down on the floor, and the ref bounces away with a wail from Noel.
Phil: Okay, what did I miss?
Hawke: Phil?
Phil: I just watched a youtube video of Blobby and I’m back on the bandwagon. He visited some wacky place called Hyacinth Bucket. Hilarious. I’m thinking about letting pinky here have AVB’s spot in The Philthy Animals.
Then Kanyon grabs Blobby, and spreads his legs wide to hold himself steady inside the rolling and bouncing structure. And he starts firing off punches, rocking Blobby backwards before he fires him at the wall.
Phil: Keep your hands off my Blobby baby boy! I’ll kill your jobber ass!
Hawke: Phil. You just threatened the life of a former US president.Phil: Thanks for the heads up. I’ll threaten the rest of them on Facebook later. As a journalist you have to appear impartial.
Blobby bounces off, and Kanyon goes to catch him! But he rolls over as the house shifts and sways, and Blobby is on his feet holding Kanyon as he looks to Noel. Noel shrugs, and points downward!
Hawke: This won’t end well!
Blobby drops forward, and the whole house bounces and wobbles as Kanyon is driven into the floor. Noel flings Papito over, and the count is started!
1…
….2…
…..KICKOOUT!
Blobby yells something in Blobby, and climbs back to his feet as Noel fumes.
Hawke: Tempers rising after that move failed to secure the win.
And then El Combatiente runs along one of the low half walls with the structure swaying and falling under him! He dives off at the last minute, and hits the SLICED BREAD ON BLOBBY!
Phil: I changed my mind again. That thing is hideous. Later.
Hawke: Damn it, Phil!
Blauer exits once more. The whole house shakes again, and Blobby is down as El Combatiente bounces away before landing on his feet. He runs forward, and uses the momentum of Blobby rising once more to launch into the air hitting a flying forearm on Noel Edmunds!
Hawke: The momentum has shifted.
Blobby howls in rage and starts forward, and is instead grabbed by Kanyon who scoops him up as he sinks in the floor before he hits the wall to come off with a POWERSLAM!
Hawke: Massive powerslam! The roof came off the building here!
The pair come apart as the house bounces and shakes wildly, and Blobby rolls backwards as Kanyon chases after him!
Blobby rises, and is caught with a GORE!
Hawke: Kanyon just gored Blobby out of his boots! Not literally. He doesn’t wear boots.
The whole house shakes again, and El Combatiente staggers only to be grabbed by Noel!
Hawke: GRAB A GRAND! GRAB A GRAND!
El Combatiente howls, yelling in spanish as he struggles to get free. Bouncing up and down as Noel keeps the claw locked on his boys! He flails, struggling to get free as Papito checks on him! He shakes his head, and Noel tightens his grip!
Hawke: Noel trying to end it here. El Combatiente is fighting to hold on.
Kanyon grabs him from behind, ripping him away from El Combatiente to deliver a brutal DVD!
COVER!
1….
….2…
…..BLOBBY CRASHES DOWN TO MAKE THE SAVE!
Hawke: By the skin of their teeth! Blobby makes the save! Oh man, this match could go either way!
El Combatiente stumbles, and Blobby grabs him to lift him onto his huge round shoulders!
Hawke: BLOBBY #1!
The fans boo, and El Combatiente crashes down before he bounces back up. Blobby dances around, and Noel stares in shock from the mess before he yells at Blobby!
Noel: PIN HIM! BLOBBY PIN HIM!
Hawke: Noel scolding Blobby to keep his eye on the prize.
Blobby nods, and goes for the cover only to be caught once more with a GORE from Kanyon! The big men crash across one of the low walls, and disappear into another section of the house as the whole thing shifts.
Hawke: GORE! KANYON SPEARED HIM THROUGH THE WALL!
Noel stares, and starts towards them before he is grabbed by El Combatiente who delivers a low blow! The fans cheer.
Hawke: Low blow! Noel staggers and stumbles before falling to his knees. El Combatiente hits a DDT!
But Noel rolls away as Blobby and Kanyon stagger back into view, and the house shifts again. Blobby throws back his head, and snorts before he rears back to produce a Sherbert Dib Dab from somewhere!
Hawke: Where was he keeping that?
He inhales it, then another, and a third before he grabs Kanyon around the ribs! He tightens his arms, dragging Kanyon into his bulk as he struggles to get free.
Hawke: Blobby squeezing the life out of his opponenent.
El Combatiente looks around wildly, and then shrugs before he runs forward to bounce into Blobby’s back! The pair both fall forward, and all three men bounce as they hit the floor. Blobby grabs Combatiente from the air, and throws him into the wall of the bouncy house!
Hawke: SUPLEX!Combatiente bounces away, and Kanyon staggers to his feet.
The gassed up Blobby ran at him, and leveled him with a huge shoulder! Kanyon hit the floor, and came back up only to be caught with another shoulder! Then Blobby grabs him again.
Hawke: Fall Forward Suplex!
The ref nearly falls as he dives for the count!
1….
….2…
……KANYON KICKS OUT!
Hawke: So close! Most of the crowd thought it was over there.
Blobby wails, and drags Kanyon back to his feet before he looks around. Noel points angrily, stomping which makes him stumble into the wall.
Noel: BLOBBY #1!
Hawke: Noel giving out the marching orders. Could this be it?
Blobby nods, and starts to drag him upwards clearly struggling as Kanyon fights back. And then Kanyon slips free, and shoves him into the bouncy house wall! The fans explode, and he grabs Blobby on the rebound to yank him around! He looks around wildly, eyes wide before he shrugs!
Hawke: Kanyon slips free! WORLD BREAKER! WORLD BREAKER!
The bouncy floor helping him flip Blobby’s massive weight, and Blobby crashes down! Kanyon grins, starting to rise before he sees Noel staggering froward as he slips and slides. And Kanyon grabs him too, and powerslams him off the wall onto Blobby’s chest!
Hawke: Another powerslam! The fans are losing their minds!
El Combatiente leaps onto the low wall, which starts to fall before Kanyon leans back with a quick nod. El Combatiente looks up and points at the heavens, before he leaps off at the last minute!
Hawke: WRATH OF THE DRAGON!
He bounces away, and lands in a heap holding his ribs before Kanyon lands on the other two!
COVER!
…..1….
…..2….
…….THREE!
Papito calls for the bell as the crowd cheers. All four men remain down, exhausted.
Bonnie Jenkins: Here are your winners! The team of Kanyon and El Combatiente! EL BANG! HERMANOS!!!!
Hawke: It took everything they had, but Kanyon and El Combatiente get what must be a very emotional win for them. Noel and Blobby have nothing to be ashamed of either. They put up a hell of a fight.
Phil: Agreed. I was glued to my seat.
Hawke: We’ll be right back folks.
Members of the ring crew shuffle down the sides of the ramp, pushing a wheelbarrow full of bamboo stalks. The soft sound of instrumental bells and pipes fill the XHF Arena as the lights dim. A hushed awe comes over the crowded stands as a very large shadow moves at under the Xtremetron.
Randy: Oh this is some nice music. Pairs wonderfully with my drink! It reminds me of what you'd hear over at Ping's off of Nicollet Avenue which is by far the best place for some Asian cuisine in Minneapolis. MUCH better than that Asian Bistro across the street at Diamond Club.
Hawke: I feel like... did Mongo pay you to say that?
Randy: What? No. They just have some of the best Saki. As a matter of fact, it's what I'm drinking now. I wouldn't mind being paid to say THAT though! With more of this sweet, sweet, elixir...
Through the entrance steps a very large panda, being led... or leading rather, several handlers, all of them sporting an image of the Panda's face and a large 'B' on their jackets.
Randy: Speaking of Saki... I wonder how my buddy, Pagnus is doing? Is she here tonight?!?
Hawke: I've been informed that she isn't. Certain...um, activists... thought it'd be best for Pagnus' recovery efforts if she were kept away from the ring, and If I had to bet... away from your Saki...
Randy looks dejected as the panda and team continue down the ramp, with the large bear looking side to side at the fans in the front row, all of them either too awestruck or afraid to yell and move.
Hawke: But making his return to XHF, and much, MUCH larger than he was in the fall of 2021... Pagnus' son, Banjo!
Bonnie Jenkins, much like she did at Night of Champions three years ago, refuses to get anywhere near the ring as she stands well behind the timekeeper's table.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following tag team match is A Match Across Three Feds set for one fall under Panda Palace Rules!
The crowd cheers loudly as Banjo is led up the makeshift ramp and into the ring before the crew feverishly work on resecuring the ropes and another group of crew members secure the barrel of bamboo stalks in one of the corners.
Bonnie Jenkins: The team that scores a pinfall or submission will be the winner and the only foreign object that may be used in this match are the bamboo stalks. Use of any other object will result in disqualification. Introducing the special guest referee for this match...
The lights go dim as the iconic opening guitar riff for "Running Down A Dream" comes blaring over the speakers.
Bonnie Jenkins: From Miami, Florida, he is an Icon. He is THE ONE! James Franklin Karn!!!
A rain of gold pyro comes down over the entrance as JFK comes walking out from the back wearing the black and white stripes of an XHF official, but also sporting an Icon jacket with classic Jack Daniels inspired logo on the back.
Randy: Why is he wearing that stupid jacket?
Hawke: The Icon Jacket? Well, he's an Icon, Randy. And say what you want about that group, The Icons, and specifically, JFK is a big reason why we have Banjo here with us tonight. A big section of Icon Island is tropical, and JFK played a huge part in getting bamboo growing in that region and leading humanitarian effrots to rescue and foster several Giant Pandas, Banjo being one of them. His mom, being another.
Randy: Pagnus? Well, that good for JFK. But still... can't hide money I guess...
JFK makes his way down the ramp slapping hands with a few fans and rolls into the ring; he stands in the middle of the ring throwing his arms out in a crucifix pose with his body tilted to the side a bit. He looks across to Banjo to make sure he's content with his stack of bamboo. He begins to walk towards his panda friend, but his music is interrupted by Faith No More's "Epic". He looks around confused.
Randy: What the f-
A masked man quickly jumps the barricade behind Randy and Joey and startles Bonnie Jenkins, passing her a notecard. She looks down at it and back at the masked man before clearing her throat.
Bonnie Jenkins: Uh... At this time, it is my honor and my privilege to introduce, along with his loyal sidekick and tag team partner Senor Xtremeo...
Suddenly the lights drop out as the opening riff of Bad to the Bone by George Thorogood hits. The entire arena lets out a collective cheer. The graphics on the screen show some of the many highlights of the career of Rob Diamond.
Randy: We all know that is Spike... why? Why the mask?
Hawke: Even the X*Crown Champion likes some privacy at times, I guess.
Bonnie Jenkins: THE MASTER OF DISASTER! And much like the late, great Steve Awesome, THE FACE OF THE FRANCHISE!!!! THE SULTAN OF SWAT! HE IS THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME! ROB DIAMOND!!!!
The lights in the arena start to strobe pink as the second, third, fourth and fifth riffs all hit with pink pyro launching out of the stage and just as the lyrics kick in, Rob Diamond steps out to enormous cheers! Rob Diamond walks down the ramp slapping hands with the crowd. Rob smirks and points toward the ring where Senor Xtremeo is waiting. Rob runs up the steps and throws up both arms with his index fingers in the air as pink pyro erupts along the ring apron behind him before he and his masked partner, "totally not Spike Kane" hit the biggest dual crotch chop of all time, knowing that somewhere, Steve is looking down smiling and crotch chopping back.
Randy: Beautiful crotch-chop tribute to Steve Awesome.
Hawke: This entire match is definitely a tribute to the Face of the Franchise as it was Steve Awesome teaming with the former President Kanyon in the first ever Palace Panda match back at Night of Champions Twelve. Rob and Spi I mean Xtremeo want to make sure they pay their respects tonight.
Bonnie Jenkins: And their opponents...
The metal cover of Sim City's "Metropolis" theme starts banging away as THE DARK LORD OF THE XHF NETWORK, Lord Dominicus (the real one...) makes his way out onto the ramp. Beside him, Lady Dominicus stands and looks around at the arena through her mask.
Bonnie Jenkins: First, from Dallas, Texas... LADY DOMINICUS...
The crowd cheers loudly.
Bonnie Jenkins: ...and her partner, from Parts Unknown... "the DARK LORD OF MEMORIAL SHOWS" "the REAL" Lord Dominicus!!!
Instantly the crowd switches to deafening boos which warms LD's black, vile heart. Behind them the screen shows pictures of Lord Dominicus rolling up other superstars and driving the DominiCruiser. He gestures to his GRAND VICTORIES on display to Zelda, but she just shakes her head before they begin strutting down to the ring.
Hawke: And to do that, they'll take on the team of Lord Dominicus and Lady Dominicus tonight!
Randy: Lord Dominicus is already in the ring.
Hawke: Well, yeah... the original Lord Dominicus is there, but this is the REAL Lord Dominicus. The one that wants to envelop the entire network in darkness. I... I know, it's confusing. But what isn't confusing is that all competitors are now in the ring and we are ready!
Randy: We may be ready, but I'm not sure our referee is...
JFK is over in the corner, scratching Banjo behind his ear and sliding some bamboo stalks closer to the bear with his foot. He realizes that everyone is in the ring now and shrugs, calling for the bell.
A Match Across Three Feds...
Panda Palace Match w/ Special Guest Referee James Franklin Karn
Lord Dominicus (REAL) and Lady Dominicus vs Lord Dominicus (ORIGINAL) and Senor Xtremeo
Panda Palace Match w/ Special Guest Referee James Franklin Karn
Lord Dominicus (REAL) and Lady Dominicus vs Lord Dominicus (ORIGINAL) and Senor Xtremeo
DING! DING!
As JFK calls for the bell, both of the Lord Dominici, the original variant and the real variant, step through the ropes and to the apron as Lady Dominicus and Senor Xtremeo step towards the center of one side of the ring, both choosing to keep their distance from Banjo who is occupying almost an entire quadrant of the ring, happily eating the bamboo that the handlers spread in the corner.
Randy: JFK seems to have really taken to this Panda. He's... is he helping him eat?
Hawke: So it seems. And now, the intensity settles in as Senor Xtremeo stares down Lady Dominicus.
They are almost face to face. Outside the ring, The Dominici have taken their places in their respective corners, that doesn't include Banjo, and JFK has perched up on the top turnbuckle opposite the panda as the crowd begins chanting.
"MISS-ES AWESOME!"
Clap. Clap. Clap-clap-clap.
"MISS-ES AWESOME!"
Clap. Clap. Clap-clap-clap.
Clap. Clap. Clap-clap-clap.
"MISS-ES AWESOME!"
Clap. Clap. Clap-clap-clap.
Randy: Pretty early for a "This is Awesome" chant, isn't it?
Hawke: I think they are saying "Mrs. Awesome", Randy. Showing their love for the fact that Zelda was once involved with Steve Awesome. And look... Ben Awesome is here tonight!
Lady Dominicus is overcome with emotion, as she raises a hand to thank the crowd. She blows a kiss over to her son, Ben, in the front row. Rob Diamond, Senor Xtremeo and even the vile Lord Dominicus all look touched by the crowd's support (but there is the briefest of eyerolls from Lord Dominicus). Banjo is clapping along to the chant but goes right back to his bamboo once people start staring.
Randy: Are they going to fight or what?
Hawke: Here we go!
Xtremeo and Lady Dominicus nod to each other but immediately lock up as the match gets underway. Senor Xtremeo tries to use his hundred plus pound weight advantage to whip Zelda into the ropes, but she quickly baseball slides through his legs on the rebound, pops up and hits an arm drag. Xtremeo quickly gets back to his feet but is met with a precision dropkick that doesn't drop him, but he stumbles near Banjo. As he gets his footing, almost slipping on a piece of bamboo, he looks over his shoulder. Seeing the bear content, he takes a deep breath. JFK warns him to watch where he's going, and the match continues.
Hawke: Senor Xtremeo trying to use his size to gain an early advanatage but Lady Dominicus showed that her speed advantabe was better there.
Randy: And OH! Xtremeo almost hit Banjo and JFK did not like it.
Hawke: Yeah to your point earlier, he's formed some type of bond with Banjo and warned Xtremeo to keep his distance. I don't think that's something you have to convince him to do though. He doesn't seem too keen on being in there with an unpredictable panda anyways.
Zelda approaches but Senor Xtremeo charges, ducks under a left hand and jumps on the middle ropes, springboarding and connecting with a crossbody to Zelda. Before JKF can get in position to make a count, Zelda is able to roll through and both competitors pop up. Zelda kicks, but it's caught by Xtremeo. She tries for an enziguiri but Xtremeo is able to duck his head out of the way. He holds on to Zelda in a rear waist lock and lifts her into a German suplex with bridge! JFK is there this time.
Randy: What is Karn doing?
Hawke: Zelda is up. Kick, no-Enz-no! GERMAN SUPLEX!!! Looking to end it early with a pin!
ONE!
TWO!
Bridge is broken by a stomp to Senor Xtremeo's gut by The Real Lord Dominicus.
Randy: Nope! Saved by Lady DominiAwesomeKnite...
Hawke: Here comes Diamond. JFK is going to have his hands full tonight.
Randy: Why? I mean... this is the third time we've had a Panda Palace match, and no one has still ever said it HAD to be normal tag team rules. Why not tornado tag rules?
Hawke: I think we are past that. At this point, I think everyone assumes it's under regular tag rules with the exception of... well, Banjo.
Rob Diamond makes his way in the ring and he and Lord Dominicus start to mouth at each other. The begin pointing, and honestly with each of them wearing their LD masks, it reminds you of the Spiderman meme. JFK tells them they need to get out of the ring, but they aren't listening. Now Lady Dominicus is up and joining in on the Dominipointing. Meanwhile, Senor Xtremeo slowly reaches over towards the corner, as far away from Banjo as he can and grabs a stick of bamboo.
Hawke: The sidekick seems to have something up his sleeves.
Randy: Yeah well I think he's doing just as good of a job hiding that as he is hiding his identity-
Hawke: LOOKOUT!
JFK is again telling the two Lords to exit the ring and then Lady Dominicus gasps and points behind him. JFK turns and just gets out of the way, as does Rob Diamond from the bamboo slicing through the air. The REAL Lord Dominicus, however, doesn't see it in time and is whacked with the stick. Banjo turns to see the commotion and eyes the bamboo. Rob Diamond quickly gets back on the apron and out of the way while Lord Dominicus rolls to the floor. Senor Xtremeo nods an apology to Banjo and to JFK who is scolding him, and he lays the bamboo down. When he turns, he receives a kick to the gut.
Hawke: If he doesn't watch out, Banjo is going to get upset. The appetite of a Panda is vast.
Randy: And we've established in the past that pandas are natural wrestlers. I would be really careful if I were Sp- Senor.
Hawke: Lady Dominicus with the kick! Looking to go on the offensive here...
Randy: Blocked.
Zelda grabs a front headlock, draping Senor Xtremeo's arm over her neck. She attempts to lift him into a suplex but the masked sidekick of the original Lord Dominicus gets his feet enough to counter and land back on the ground, swinging the momentum in his favor and lifting Lady Dominicus into his own vertical suplex. He crawls over to the corner and tags in Rob Diamond who springs up and over the top ropes, into the ring.
Hawke: Suplex reversed into one of his own! He makes the tag! Here comes the original Lord Dominicus.
Randy: Some would even say the better one... but... what do I know?
Rob walks over to Lady Dominicus and picks up her before immediately grabbing the back of her hair and pulling her down to the mat. This elicits a fired-up response from the REAL Lord Dominicus as he has gotten back on the apron and seen the cheap move. He climbs through the ropes and charges after the Original Lord Domincus who slides under Banjo, causing Dominicus to have to put the Dominibrakes on. Senor Xtememo comes off the top ropes with a diving clothesline and the two of them roll out of the ring.
Hawke: Diamond slides under Banjo!
Randy: Lord Dominicus is JUST able to stop! WAIT! INCOMING!
Hawke: OH MY GOD! Senor Xtremeo just jumped OVER Banjo and clotheslined Lord Dominicus and they are out to the floor! That was insane!
Lady Dominicus is back on her feet and sees Rob standing on the other side of Banjo. She goes to walk around the bear but Rob hits a Dukes of Hazzard style slide across the back of the panda before Zelda can grab him. He plays to the crowd, pointing to his head to let them know he can outsmart anyone. But is interrupted by a big shove from a panda paw, startling him. He looks down at his chest making sure he is ok. It's the distraction that Zelda needs as she hits the ropes and leap frogs over Banjo and lands on Diamond's shoulders before turning him over with a hurricanrana. Annoyed Banjo turns towards both wrestlers, as JFK moves in to try and calm him down. With his back turned, he misses Lady Dominicus hooking the leg. The crowd chants "ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE!."
Hawke: It's her turn to use Banjo! AND THE PIN!
Randy: But JFK isn't paying attention! He's trying to talk Banjo down! Which honestly, may be better than making the count here.
Lady Dominicus breaks the pinfall and stands up and walks over to JFK. She turns him around forcefully and claps her hands three times, letting him know she had the victory. JFK glances back at Banjo who snorts, and then back to Lady Dominicus. He tries to explain but as he does, she brushes him off and turns back... right into a big boot.
Randy: And see, instead of keeping the pressure on she gets distracted and now pays the price.
Hawke: Yeah, but come on, it had to be disheartening to know you did enough there to put the match away only to not have the official counting. The original Lord Dominicus is not letting up as he mounts and starts throwing bombs!
Randy: Ha, look at these two out here...
Diamond begins a ground and pound assault on Lady Dominicus. Meanwhile on the floor, Senor Xtremeo and the REAL Lord Dominicus have each secured two bamboo stalks and have one hell of a dual duel. It gets the attention of Banjo who stands in the corner, eyes locked in on the glorious double-fisted snack attacks.
Randy: They are actually showing some great fencing skills here.
Hawke: And Diamond looks to keep the upper hand in the ring. Sends her into the corner with force...
In the ring, Rob picks Zelda up whips her into the corner. He charges and delivers a leaping splash. She crumples to the ground, and he drags her away from the ropes and makes a cover.
Hawke: AND SPLASH! THIS COULD BE IT! THERE'S THE COVER!
ONE!
TWO!
TH-KICKOUT!
Hawke: No! She JUST gets a shoulder up.
Randy: Speaking of shoulder up...
Outside, Xtremeo charges at Lord Dominicus but the Dark Lord of Dual Wielding tumble rolls forward to evade and Xtremeo almost hits the outside turnbuckle. He tunrs and is met with two stalks of bamboo being driven into his gut. He doubles over and Lord Dominicus raises the bamboo and slams it across the masked sidekick's back. Bamboo shards fly into the stands. Banjo's eyes follow it.
Randy: ...He raises his shoulders lifting the sticks high above and WHAM! Xtremeo is getting out Xtremeo'd out there. Did you see how far that bamboo flew?
Hawke: I did... and so did Banjo... anyways, Rob Diamond steps over and reaches for Zelda.
Inside the ring, Diamond lifts Lady Dominicus up with her back to him. He hooks her in a full nelson grapple and immediately snaps back into a vicious looking snap dragon suplex. He gets up and wastes little time as he lifts her again, and again hits the snap dragon suplex. Then one more for good measure and Zelda is in a world of hurt. Diamond pins.
Hawke: Spamming the Snap Dragon Suplexes! She's out cold! Rob covers...
ONE!
TWO!
THRE-NO! The REAL Lord Dominicus pulls his partners foot towards the apron and under the bottom rope to break the count!
Randy: Saved by the Dark Lord! For the second time in the match, Lord Dominicus gets Lady Dominicus out of a bad situation...and they say chivalry is dead...
Lord Dominicus pulls himself back onto the apron and stomps his feet, trying to rouse his partner. The crowd stomps and claps with him to his dismay as he looks around, a look of disgust showing even through the mask. Rob Diamond shakes his head and picks Lady Dominicus up and hip tosses her but holds on to her wrists with both hands as she hits the mat. He begins to stop aways at her chest, inflicting not only damage through the impact but almost dislocating her shoulder in the process. He looks at the REAL Lord Dominicus and gives him a crotch chop.
Hawke: Hey now, no need for that!
Randy: He's got her right where he wants her and is letting Lord Domini- where is he going?
Hawke: Maybe he knows it's over... It looks like Rob is ready to put this away.
Lord Dominicus drops off that apron and walks over towards the corner where all the bamboo sits. He grabs several pieces of it and Banjo is quick to notice. Meanwhile Senor Xtremeo is back in his corner cheering on the original Lord Dominicus as he picks up Lady Dominicus. She is out of it on her feet, swaying back and forth. Rob Diamond lifts her and drops her backdown into a huge atomic drop. Lady Dominicus stumbles and then is driven to the ground by a thunderous lunging clothesline. He makes the cover.
Hawke: ATOMIC DROP! Which is usually followed by
Randy: HE TOOK HER HEAD OFF WITH THAT CLOTHESLINE! IT'S OVER!
ONE!
TWO!
T-
Hawke: NO!
Lord Dominicus AGAIN breaks up the count, this time by throwing a stalk of bamboo at Rob, Lady Dominicus and JFK. Banjo starts to turn around. Frustrated, Rob stands and looks and nods at Senor Xtremeo motioning that it's time for them to finish it. He lines Lady Dominicus up, who is slowly stirring.
Randy: I thought it was over!
Hawke: As did I! It looks like Diamond is done messing around though. He's calling his shot.
Randy: I think the REAL Lord Dominicus is too!
Lord Dominicus: HEY BEAR! There's more where that came from!
Lady Dominicus gets to her feet. Rob moves in. Lord Dominicus throws several bamboo stalks in the ring. Rob lunges for a Diamond Cutter. Banjo lunges for bamboo. Lady Domninicus winces. JFK's eyes go wide. Senor Xtremeo covers his face. Lord Dominicus laughs. ROB DIAMOND HITS A CUTTER...
Hawke: OH MY GOD!
ON BANJO!!!
"HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT!"
Randy: *spits drink out* BANJO! ROB DIAMOND JUST HIT BANJO WITH A DIAMOND CUTTER!
Hawke: PETA is NOT going to be happy. Neither is JFK!
JFK checks on Banjo as Lady Dominicus dives for the ropes and tags her partner in. The REAL Lord Dominicus comes in fired up and nails the Original Lord Dominicus with a flying leg lariat. He kips up and dives at the opponent's corner, knocking Senor Xtremeo off the apron with a flying dick punch!
Randy: RIGHT IN THE DICK!
Hawke: Lord Dominicus is on fire! He steps back over to Rob Diamond...
The REAL LD picks the OG LD up sends him into the corner. He hits a spinning kick and then runs the ropes, before landing a dropkick to Diamond's knee in the corner. As Diamond hits the mat, Lord Dominicus jumps to the top rope and without hesitation, throws caution to the wind and lands a shooting star press! He hooks the leg! But JFK is out of position, still trying to make sure Banjo is ok after the cutter. He notices the pinfall and slides around the panda.
Hawke: BEAUTIFUL SHOOTING STARPRESS! There's the pin!
Randy: KARN!
Hawke: Here we go, is this it?
ONE!
TWO!
KICKOUT!
Randy: No, the delay by JFK getting there gave Rob Diamond just enough time to escape losing there.
Hawke: Yeah and rightfully so, Lord Dominicus is upset-WATCH IT!
Lord Dominicus slaps the mat. He stands up and is cut down right away by a super-fast superkick! Senor Xtremeo picks up the fallen Dark Lord and lifts him in the air, before driving him back down.
Randy: SPIKE IMPAILER!
Hawke: No- XTREME IMPAILER! Senor Xtremeo wants to get back in this match.
Randy: Smart move here, Lord Dominicus is out!
Senor Xtremeo drags his partner over to their corner before exiting the ring. He gets in position and leans over the ropes so that Rob Diamond can make the tag. Xtremeo hops into the ring and quickly makes the cover on Lord Dominicus.
Hawke: THE COVER!
ONE!
TWO!
TH-KICKOUT!
Hawke: No! He got a shoulder up! It wasted a lot of time having to drag Diamond to the corner before making the tag and Senor Xtremeo couldn't close the match out there. Diamond is getting up now.
Diamond makes it back to his feet and JFK asks him to exit the ring, but instead he walks over and lifts Lord Dominicus up. He grabs a waist lock and with explosion, lifts Lord Dominicus up and over his head in a belly-to-belly suplex. The rotation is so much that Lord Dominicus lands back on his feet but it's short lived as Senor Xtremeo is there with a stunner.
Randy: Ignoring JFK here is probably the smartest thing Rob Diamond has done tonight. Looks like he's telling Senor Xtremeo something. He picks Lord Dominicus up... BELLY-TO-BELLY!
Oh wow he landed on his fee- THUNDERSTRUCK!
Randy: He put him away with that Stunner! COUNT IT! ONE! TWO!
He makes the cover.
ONE!
TWO!
BROKEN UP BY LADY DOMINCUS!
Randy: WHAT!
Hawke: Wow! Woo, that was close! It looks like Lord Dominicus needs a breather, but this match was almost over. It was nice to see Lady Dominicus be able to get Lord Dominicus out of a pin instead of vice versa.
Lord Dominicus rolls out of the ring. Senor Xtremeo gets to a knee, but Lady Dominicus hits the ropes and catches Xtremeo with a shining wizard. As she stands, Rob runs across the ring and clotheslines her over the top rope and the momentum carries them both over and spilling to the floor below.
Hawke: Big clothesline and they both go over!
Randy: Lord Dominicus... what's he doing? What's he after, Joey?
Hawke: I- I don't know. It's...
Lord Dominicus has been looking under the ring skirt and finally finds what he's searching for. His Midnight Claw gauntlet, the ebony stones reflecting back the arena lights. He takes his time putting the gauntlet on, ill intention in his eyes.
Hawke: Oh no, it's his Midnight Claw! Things could get ugly here!
Randy: Yeah, I think we know what he is thinking here. But JFK could disqualify him if he uses it. The bamboo is the only weapon they can use, right?
Hawke: That's right but look at his body language. I don't think Lord Dominicus cares right now.
As Lord Dominicus gets back in the ring, Lady Dominicus pulls herself back on the apron and makes a blind tag. Senor Xtremeo is starting to stand and Lord Dominicus measures him. The original Lord Dominicus slides into the ring with bamboo and smacks Banjo in the backside with it. The annoyed panda, having recovered from the earlier cutter, turns and charges. Rob quickly hands Lord Dominicus the bamboo and rolls out of the ring. First Lord Dominicus is confused and then realization watches over him as the normally docile bear stands on his hindlegs, and grabs Lord Dominicus, towering over him. BANJO LAUNCHES THE DARK LORD OF BEING IN THE WRONG PLACE AT THE WRONG TIME OVER THE TOP ROPES!!!
"HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT!"
Randy: BANJO JUST BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEXED LORD DOMINICUS OVER THE TOP ROPE!
Hawke: Shades of Night of Champions Twelve when Steve Awesome was suplexed over the ropes! I'm not sure that's the tribute that Lord Dominicus would have wanted to pay!
Randy: Look Joey, he lost his gauntlet in the process! And Banjo is looking at it!
Hawke: He's not going to... is he?
Banjo looks down and sniffs at the mat. The suplex was so powerful and quick that Lord Dominicus lost his Midnight Claw. BANJO PUTS IT ON! He again stands on his hindlegs and turns to see the original Lord Dominicus laughing. BANJO UPPERCUTS LORD DOMINICUS!!! HE'S KNOCKED HIM OUT COLD!
Randy: THIS IS PAN-
Hawke: IT'S PANDA-MONIUM!!!!
Randy: That's my line!
Hawke: HA! I always wanted to say that!
Senor Xtremeo rushes in and grabs the big paw and rips the gauntlet off Banjo and slaps him!
Hawke: Not smart!
Randy: Yeah that pissed Banjo off... and JFK.
Now it's JFK who gets in Xtremeo's face, for slapping his friend. Senor Xtremeo shoves the guest referee and immediately eats a superkick.
Hawke: The Karn Kick!
Randy: Lady Dominicus is there!
Xtremeo stumbles back right into the waiting arms of Lady Dominicus who hooks the fullnelson and slams him down forward into the mat.
Hawke: GAME OVER! ZELDA HOOKS THE LEG!!!
In unison, JFK AND BANJO COUNT!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!!!
DING DING DING!
Bonnie Jenkins: The winner of this match... the Real Lord Dominicus AND LADY DOMINICUS, ZELDA KNITE!!!!
Hawke: What a match! Our resident Lord Dominicus and his partner, Lady Dominicus has pulled off the win here tonight.
Randy: Did you see Banjo making that count? That was very impressive!
Hawke: I know many refs that have not been able to keep a steady count quite like that. Impressive indeed. Check this replay out!
Randy: WHAM, Banjo knocked the hell out of Rob Diamond and that was AFTER he sent Lord Dominicus to PandaPlex City!
Hawke: Senor Xtremeo took offense to Banjo knocking his partner out, SLAPS HIM and JFK had seen enough. The Karn Kick, followed by Lady Dominicus's Game Over and that's what it was, game over for the one, two three!
Lady Dominicus awkwardly hugs Lord Dominicus in the ring before pushing away and heading up the ramp, leaving the Dark Lord of Hugs standing there to gather himself. Meanwhile, JFK celebrates with Banjo in the corner by feeding him some bamboo as the ring crew move in the begin removing the ropes so that they can get him out of there before the next match.